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MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


BY 
A CHARLES BABENROTH, A.M PH.D. 


ASSISTANT PROFESSOR OF ENGLISH 
COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY 


Be not the first by whom the new are tried, 
Nor yet the last to lay the old aside. 





New YorkK 
PRENTICE-HALL, INC. 
1925 


COPYRIGHT, 1925, BY 
PRENTICE-HALL, INC. 


All rights reserved. 


PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 





TO 
MY MOTHER AND FATHER 











FOREWORD 


‘Modern Business English” is presented in the confidence 
that young men and women in business or about to enter busi- 
ness can profit by the study of the principles and rules of 
standard English as applied to business writings. 

Abundant opportunity is given for practical experience in 
writing letters and reports. Every chapter contains numerous 
oral and written exercises, illustrating the principles and rules, 
and based on actual quoted letters and problems taken from 
contemporary business activities. ‘These tested exercises af- 
ford practice in the analysis and solution of modern business 
problems involving the use of written English. 

‘Modern Business English” incorporates a discussion of the 
fundamental principles of business writing, a book of speci- 
mens, and a handbook for study and drill in the essentials of 
correctness in the mechanical details of writing. The chapter 
on Correctness has been amplified to include exercises because, 
as every teacher realizes, undergraduates need at least to re- 
view the indispensable rules governing the mechanical details 
of writing. ‘The inclusion of this chapter makes possible ready 
reference in the course of class discussion and home prepara- 
tion of written assignments. 

The author is indebted to his predecessors, especially to 
Professors Gardner, Hotchkiss, Kilduff, Naether, and Ray- 
mond, whose investigations and contributions in the field of 
business English have been of inestimable value to all stu- 
dents of the subject. 

Thanks are due to those companies and individuals, includ- 
ing students successful in business, who gave letters and reports 
from their files. Without their co-operation the long list of 
quoted letters could not have been compiled. It is not possible 
to print here the long list of those who have generously given 
permission to quote or who have furnished valuable material, 
but their names appear in the text in connection with quoted 
material. 

Vv 


vi FOREWORD 


The inspiration for undertaking the task of writing this 
book has come from the author’s students, whose lively devo- 
tion to the cause of better English in business is a hopeful 
indication of better things to come in business writing. 


CONTENTS 


PARTE 1] 
' CHAPTER 
PEPE SLOINT OF VIEW 204 50 cue Lek, 
lage Tia five Sandekqterede ais Dy a eg Us ae Pe se cert ae 
English as a means to an end . 
Definition . . Pe ene es 


Business English “itl eet Eno 
Business writing a useful art . 
Pilierscience of business writing £6 .))00 0s isso. |e 
Science and practice 

Oral and written Ree achie 

The importance of imagination 

Uses of the imagination 

Cultivating the imagination 

Finding the service element 

Cultivating good will . 

The style of business writing . 
Literature of knowledge . 
Literature of power . 

Conclusion 

Exercises 


II—Tue EssENTIAL QUALITIES OF BUSINESS WRIT- 
ING: CONSIDERATION; CONSTRUCTION . 


Consideration 

Visualizing the reader 

The “you” attitude . 

Finding the reader 

Practical psychology . 

Individualizing the reader 

Adapting the product to the reader . wa 

Adaptation in substance, structure, and language 
Construction At ee 

1. Know your product . 

Analyzing the product . 
vii 


J 
> 
Q 
ts 


— 
SDONDUNUBRWWHNHK S&S = 


ee ee 
mR WN — — © 


17 


19 
19 
20 
20 
20 
21 
21 
22 
23 
23 
25 


Vili CONTENTS 


CHAPTER 
2. Find the corethought 
3. Fnd the supporting data . 
4. Find the appeal 
5. Assemble your data 
Beginning 
Middle 
End . : 
6. Writing the fete : 
Structural units: Sentences and Piraseae : 
Sentence length and structure . 
Paragraph length and structure 
Link words and phrases 
Example of letter planning 
. Problem iy. 
. Analyze the problem . 
. Analyze the situation . ; 
Harmonize factory and dele f 
. Organize the letter data . 
. Writing the letter : 
. Paragraph outline of the (ater . 
. Criticism ces 
Exercises for oral cent written Sarge é 


CON DMN HPWH 


IJI—TuHe Ess—ENTIAL QUALITIES OF BUSINESS WRIT- 
ING: COMPACTNESS; CORRECTNESS 


Compactness 
Mechanical helps 
Correctness . : 

A. Correctness in words . 
Increasing your vocabulary 
Qualities of words . 

Precise words 
Suggestive words 
Good Usage 
Reputable 
National 
Modern . 
Hackneyed words anal ores 
Neologisms 
Misused words and. aa 


51 
51 


oy 
59 
59 
59 
60 
61 
61 
61 
63 
63 
64 
65 
66 


CONTENTS 


CHAPTER 
B. Correctness in sentences . 


Unity 
Coherence . 
Agreement 
Verbs . 
Pronouns . 
C. Punctuation 
D. Capitalization 
E. Abbreviations 
F. Use of numbers . 
G. Spelling and Heer in ; 
Exercises in compactness and correctness . 


IV—THE ESSENTIAL QUALITIES OF BUSINESS WRIT- 
ING: CHARACTER; CONCRETENESS; CHEER- 
FULNESS 


Character 
Concreteness 

Be specific F 

Avoid the abstract pay 

Use figures of speech . 

Appeal to the senses . 
Cheerfulness 

a. Use cheerful peter 

b. Use cheerful phrases . 
Conviction ee are 
Exercises for oral Pe written analysis 


V—DRESSING THE LETTER. 


The importance of letter dress . 
‘Two severe tests 
Guiding principles . 
The standard letter form 
Stationery 
Letterheads . ; : 
Essential parts of the eres 4 
1. The heading . Nee 
2. The inside address . . 
3. The salutation Mihai fall 
4. The body of the letter. . 


PAGE 


12 
Ve 


fd) 
79 
80 
82 
87 
89 
90 
91 
a3 


109 


109 
111 
111 
112 
113 
114 
116 
117 
119 
120 
122 


130 


130 
130 
130 
130 
134 
134 
134 
134 
135 
137 
138 


x CONTENTS 


CHAPTER 
5. The complimentary close . 
6. The signature 
Additional material 
Folding the letter sheet 
Exercises in the layout of the letter 


PART II 
THE BUSINESS LETTER 


VI—TuE SALEs LETTER 


The sales letter is not an advertisement 
The glamour of the sales letter 
The advantages of the sales letter . 
Range of uses . 
Low cost . 
Pioneer work . : 
The uses of the sales letter 
Selling direct by mail . 
Persuading customers to come into the store 
Educating the prospect . 
The structure of the sales letter . ; 
The beginning: establishing contact . 
Weak beginnings 
Timorous openings 
Negative openings . 
Irrelevant openings 
Vague openings 
Good beginnings . 
News. items 
Significant facts 
Question 
ea bea : 
Split opening . 
Anecdote 
The “you” attitude 
The second step: creating desire . 
1. External description . 
2. Emotional description 
Language of the emotional ened) 
Imaginative language creates desire . 


PAGE 


139 
140 
142 
143 
143 


149 


149 
152 
152 
152 
152 
153 
153 
153 
153 
153 
155 
156 
156 
157 
157 
158 
158 
159 
159 
159 
159 
160 
161 
161 
162 
162 
163 
164 
166 
166 


CHAPTER 


CONTENTS 


The third step: convincing the reader . 
Kinds of evidence 


1a 


Substantiated facts . 


. Testimonials 
. References 


2 
3 
4. 
> 
6 


Trial use 


. Samples . 
. Tests 
fe 


Guarantees . 


Visualized evidence . 
Reference to inclosures . 


The effective ending: stimulating action . 


Offer inducements 

Make action easy 

The positive urge 

The divided urge . 

Position of the urge . 

The inverted urge . 

Vital phrasings 

A single sales letter . : 
Problems in sales letter writing . 


VII—APPEALS TO SPECIAL. CLASSES 


Letters to women 
Letters to farmers . 
Letters to executives 
Letters to salesmen . 
Letters to dealers . 
Letters to professionals 
Letters to composite classes 
The conservative tone 
The buoyant tone 
The sprightly tone . 
The jaunty tone 
The juvenile tone 
The tone of simplicity . 
Conclusion any 
Exercises 


VIII—Fo.ttow-up SALES LETTERS 


Uses of the follow-up series 
Repetition and variety 


xi 
PAGE 
168 
170 
170 
174 
uy 
176 
178 
178 
180 
180 
181 
184 
184 
186 
187 
188 
189 
189 
190 
190 
192 


218 


CHAI 
224 
226 
227 
229 
231 
233 
234 
235 
236 
Zod 
238 
239 
240 
240 


253 


253 
253 


xil CONTENTS 


CHAPTER 

The continuous series . 

‘The wear-out series . mii 

Length of the wear-out series . 
The mailing list . 
‘Timing the series : 
Linking the wear-out series . : 
Example of a wear-out follow-up . 

The campaign series . 

‘The importance of plan . 

Number of letters in the campaign . 
Purpose of the campaign 

Price of the article . 

The mailing list . ; 

Length of campaign letters . 

Structure of campaign letters . 
Reference to inclosures . 

Example of a short campaign faitowe: -up 

Exercises 


IX—INQUIRIES, ORDERS, AND RESPONSES 


Letter forms versus individual letters . 
Inquiries 
Responses to inquiries . : 
When the request is granted . 
When the inquiry is not clear . 
When the request is refused . 
Making an appointment 
Securing a speaker . 
Order letters 5 
Responses to order aes : : 
Order accepted: old customer . 
Order accepted: new customer . 
Defective order . 
Out of stock . 
Refusing the order . 
Conclusion 
Problems for oral Ay written arene : 


X—CREDIT LETTERS .. 


Definition 
The source of pi 


PAGE 


299 
ede 
255 
255 
256 
256 
256 
262 
262 
262 
262 
263 
263 
264 
264 
265 
265 
268 


288 
288 
289 
291 
292 
293 
294 
295 
296 
297 
298 
299 
300 
300 
301 
302 
304 
304 


313 


314 
314 


CONTENTS 


CHAPTER 


The three C’s of credit . 

The credit investigation ; 
Credit inquiries and responses . 

Cheerful consideration . 

Granting credit 


The educational functions of the hie man . 


Refusing credit . : 

The value of a firm credit atiere 

Avoid “bunk” 

Definite statements . é 
Problems for oral and written Centr os ; 


XI—CoLLECTION LETTERS ede 
Grouping credit customers for collections . 
Definition : 
Business service in Peitectin Coes 2 
Cheerfulness in collection letters . 
Consideration in collection letters . 

Visualize the debtor . 
Be specific ! 
Use the “you” attitude . 
Be sincere : 
The length of eieeon fees 
System in collection letters . 
The collection sequence . , 
Individual treatment of dagen Ahi 
Appeals in collection letters . 
1. Appeal to honor . 
2. Appeal to self-interest 
3. Appeal to pride 
4. Appeal to fairness 
5. Special appeals 
a. Collection devices . 
b. Stunt letters 
Collection letters to women 
Exercises 


XTI—Ap JUSTMENT LETTERS. 


Importance of adjustment letters . 
Making the claim . E ‘ 
Qualities of the adjustment eae 4 


xiii 
BL5 
315 
ri7 
318 
320 
G24 
323 
325 
326 
326 
B27 


337 


337 
338 
338 
Sie 
339 
339 
340 
341 
342 
343 
344 
345 
348 
348 
348 
350 
351 
357 
354 
354 
a4) 
357 
359 


371. . 
371 
Ral 
373 


XIV CONTENTS 


CHAPTER 
Offensive words and phrases . 


The plan of an adjustment letter . 
Types of adjustment letters 
1. The seller is to blame 
2. The carrier is to blame . 
3. (A) The buyer is to blame: claim pi 
(B) The buyer is to blame: claim refused 
4. Soliciting complaints . : 
Exercises 


XIII—Tue LETTER oF APPLICATION 


Kinds of letters of application . 
Character, ability, capacity 
The principle of adaptation 
Study the employer’s business . ef Ilys 
Exhibit your interest in the nieve business . 
Show initiative . 
The use of “I” not abjertionehle 
Facts and opinions . 
The florid style . 
Correctness is important . 
‘The structure of the letter . 
1. Compelling attention . 
2. Suggestive opening 
3. Persuading the employer 
4. Establishing contact . b 
Attention value of physical make-up . 
The application follow-up . 
Exercises 


XIV—BusINESS REPORTS 


Definition . 
Kinds of reports 
Periodic reports . 
Record reports 
Progress reports . 
Statistical reports . 
Interpreting statistics 
Letter reports . 
Examination #Feports pias haan oes ee 





CONTENTS 


Essential steps in preparing the examination report . 


1. Preliminary survey . 
2. Final examination . 
3. Analysis of data 
4. Organization of data . 
5. Writing the report . 
Outline of a trade report 
Qualities of the report . : 
Qualificatiors of the report writer . 
Sources of information . : 
The questionnaire as a source es ieee cen p 
The layout of the examination report . 
. The title page . ; 
. The letter of Sereeritel tp 
. The table of contents . 
. The synopsis 
. The text 
. The appendix . 
. The index . 


CNN Oe WD = 


Exercises in preparing and perane reports . 


BIBLIOGRAPHY . 


STYLE STUDIES 


I 
II 
II] 


EV3; t: 


Wiis 
Vibe 
VEL 


XV 


PAGE 


434 
434 
434 
434 
435 
435 
435 
438 
441 
443 
444 
447 
448 
448 
450 
450 
450 
450 
450 
451 


461 


131 
133 
136 
139 
141 
182 
185 


tad § iy #., 
Nye 








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MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


CHAPTER I 
THE POINT OF VIEW 


The importance of English.—Your English is always with 
you. You cannot take it or leave it as caprice suggests or 
fancy dictates. You learned it from your parents, teachers, 
and playmates. The inescapable fact of birth or environ- 
ment, or both, determined upon English as the medium of 
your thinking and communication. English, therefore, is a 
rewarding subject of study. Upon the accurate and skillful 
employment of English words and phrases depends much of the 
success of your efforts in the professions and in business; for 
without the ability of clear and forceful expression, no human 
being can make social or business use of ideas and knowledge. 

English as a means to an end.—English is not an end in 
itself. Like all languages, rightly considered, it serves always 
as a means to an end; it is a vehicle for ideas, thoughts, facts, 
and emotions. By means of language you establish contact 
with friends in social life and with associates and customers 
in business. Io look upon English as an instrument in busi- 
ness is to recognize its true value as an indispensable asset 
in your equipment for success in life. To master the effective 
uses of this instrument requires patience and practice. Once, 
_ however, you have learned how to control and apply English, 
you need not be inarticulate, for with language you can com- 
municate your thoughts, desires, and needs. 

Experience has demonstrated repeatedly the truth of the 
saying that, after capital, good business letters are a firm’s 
most valuable asset. As soon as capital is available, the 
business man proceeds to use English persuasively in letters, 
which are indispensable instruments in the process of establish- 
ing and conducting his business. 

I 


2 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Definition of business English.— Business English is stand-— 
ard English adapted to the needs of business. ‘Thus the phrase 
‘business English” is a.term of convenience only. It definitely 
marks off and stresses specific applications of the English lan- 
guage to certain established types of writing. Important ex- 
amples are: business letters in their various forms; business 
reports; abstracts and summaries made by subordinates for 
executives or controlling groups; book reviews in magazines 
devoted to business, and articles in such magazines. 

Business English and literary English.—The foregoing 
definition does not emphasize the existence of a special lan- 
guage within the English language. Business English is not 
made up of words and phrases isolated and different from 
those in common use. ‘The limited number of approved busi- 
ness terms, such as voucher, trade acceptance, layout, close-up, 
delivery on consignment, and “sold on the idea” are far from 
constituting the vocabulary of business English. These terms, 
with highly specialized applications, are, as a matter of fact, 
used only in limited circles. Such terms may be employed 
when you are striving for technical precision, but never when 
writing for business readers in general. 

Except in the minds of misguided persons, who persist in 
repeating mechanically the old-fashioned, outworn, semi-legal 
jargon of the business writings of fifty years ago, there exists 
no special language of business correspondence. Such lingo 
consists of locutions like ‘‘beg to remain,” and “‘your esteemed. 
favor of the 10th inst.,” long ago discarded by progressive 
writers for the vital language actually spoken and written by 
people of the twentieth century. The true language of busi- 
ness is essentially like the language employed for social and 
literary purposes by alert, intelligent men and women of 
today. 

Literary English is language used to produce pleasing 
effects upon readers of poems, dramas, essays, and novels. 
The English used in the fine art of literature is employed to 
stir significant emotions and noble thoughts, in the confidence 
that the reader will be impressed sufficiently to add beauty to 
his life and nobility to his conduct. 

With the aid of very similar English the writer of business 
English evokes a favorable business response from the reader 


of his message. The English used in the applied art of busi- 


THE POINT OF VIEW 3 


ness writing is employed to cultivate favorable emotional and 
mental responses, with the aim of retaining old customers and 
winning new ones. Business English seeks to impress the 
reader by specifically suggesting a desire to serve him in quality 
of goods or service, or in price, language being used persua- 
sively to present these factors as inducements to action. In 
both arts, then, the ultimate purpose is the same: in both, 
English is employed to stimulate favorable responses. 

Business writing a useful art.——The foregoing paragraphs 
stress the essential similarities existing between business Eng- 
lish and literary English—not only in the language itself, but 
also in the uses to which this language is put. There are 
obvious reasons why, in the face of these similarities, one use 
of English is classified as a fine art, and another use as an 
applied art. Unlike literary composition, business writing is 
classified as a useful art because it has an immediate and prac- 
tical end in view. It does not create beautiful images or 
phrases merely in the hope that the reader will be stimulated 
to improve his sense of beauty and conduct. The business 
writer specifically applies his images and thoughts to the needs 
of an individual prospect or well-defined group of prospects. 
Unlike the man of letters, the business correspondent, for 
example, does not write to all readers indiscriminately, but 
to an identified customer, say, in Peoria, Illinois; or again, 
the writer of a business report directs his report to a known 
and organized group of men who control the plant and proc- 
esses on which the report is based. 

Writers of this type draw upon the resources of the Eng- 
lish language to make the reader act, and act favorably. 
Whether they sell service or tangible goods, their object is to 
stir direct, material action. ‘Their ideal is a transaction that 
shall be profitable to seller and buyer alike. ‘Thus they apply 
language to the actual problem of business. ‘Their writings 
initiate, develop, and complete utilitarian activities universally 
recognized as dealing with the immediately useful occupations 
and needs of human beings, and in such an enlightened way 
as to promote the material welfare of the race. 

The science of business writing.—Success in the useful 
art of business writing is conditioned by the writer’s ability to 
apply the science of business English. The science of English 


4 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


composition may be defined as the organized body of rules 
and principles governing the practice of writing. 

Since the days of Aristotle in the fourth century before 
Christ, treatises have been written on the art and science of 
composition. On the basis of wide experience, rules have 
been invented and principles have been discovered, for the 
guidance of those who desire to shape their written appeals 
to the established laws of composition. Although the art of 
business writing as we know it today is modern in origin, 
it is based on virtually the same rules and principles observed 
by writers down through the centuries. 

Not to know the rules and principles governing the art 
of writing is to scribble blindly. It is desirable, therefore, 
that the student realize the soundness and validity of certain 
fundamental guides to writing. The success of important 
sales campaigns can be reasonably assured if the writer’s pro- 
cedure is not left to chance but is in accordance with basic 
principles. These principles are well established because they 
have been tested repeatedly in past experience. 

‘An illustration will help to make this clear. A man has 
fractured a bone. To whom had he better entrust the healing 
of the bone? To the neighborhood bone-setter or to the 
licensed surgeon? ‘The intelligent patient invariably chooses 
the surgeon. ‘The surgeon has been trained in the theory 
and practice of surgery. He knows the intimate and inevita- 
ble relation between causes and effects, and precisely how these 
causes and effects are modified and influenced by changed and 
changing conditions. His science guides his practice. His 
practice, in turn, teaches him how to apply scientific principles 
intelligently to new cases as they arise. Such a trained man 
has a broad and deep view of his specialty. He is not lim- 
ited, like the untrained quack, to hit or miss methods. ‘The 
quack muddles through from case to case, picking up a shred 
of experience here and a hint there, but without ever arriving 
at a safe generalization based on adequate data. Medical 
men have for generations pooled the results of their experi- 
ence. On the basis of this accumulated knowledge has been 
formulated the science of medicine and surgery. 

Science and practice.—Because the principle illustrated in 
the last paragraph applies also to English composition, the 
teachings in this book are grounded firmly on the science of 


THE POINT OF VIEW 5 
composition. The following chapters offer neither short-cuts 
nor quack methods, but, in place of these, sound laws of writ- 
ing. hese guiding rules and principles, which apply specifi- 
cally to various types of business writing, are discussed and 
illustrated in connection with practical problems. 

It is sufficient here to emphasize two points: first, that a 
close agreement exists between the theory and practice of 
literary, or fine-art English, and the theory and practice of 
applied-art, or useful-art English; and secondly, that the prob- 
lems in the following chapters are practical throughout, and 
that practice is always based on sound principles. The object 
is to teach students how to compose successful writings that 
will be of real value in business. The young writer will soon 
realize that he fails where he does not observe the science of 
composition, and that he succeeds where he follows the teach- 
ings of the science of composition. 

Oral and written salesmanship.—Written business Eng- 
lish differs in several essentials from oral business English. It 
is necessary to understand these vital differences at the outset, 
because this book deals exclusively with business writing. 

A business appeal is effective in proportion to the writer’s 
recognition of the limitations imposed upon him by the medium 
he has chosen for his message. ‘ake, for example, the sales 
letter. It has been said that the sales letter is salesmanship on 
paper. Yet a salesman cannot hope to succeed in a letter if he 
attempts to reproduce, exactly, the personal language he is 
accustomed to use in talks with customers. A sale is the object 
of the personal as well as of the letter appeal. Both can be 
equally effective, but in different ways. 

The distinguishing characteristics are found in the condi- 
tions surrounding the approach. One of the most important 
is the attention value of the medium. ‘The physical presence 
of the sales letter differs from that of the personal salesman, 
but it can be made equally attractive through careful selection 
of stationery and close attention to all the factors entering into 
the physical make-up of the letter. 

Just as a salesman who is dressed in flashy clothes and 
flaring cravat cannot secure a favorable hearing from con- 
servative customers, so the letter decked out in colors and 
embellished with flashy illustrations fails to reach customers 


6 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


whose suspicions are aroused by gaudy display. In both in- 
stances good taste is violated. 

The desirable quality of tone is more difficult to achieve in 
the typed letter than in the speaking voice aided by the per- 
sonality of the salesman. Written words, however, can, in 
their own way, be made to suggest the correct tone. Just as 
the alert salesman adapts his language to the customer’s level, 
so the letter contains skillfully chosen words in combinations 
designed to reflect a chatty, personal tone or, on the other 
hand, a more conservative, formal tone. 

The difference between the oral and the written forms is 
explained by the fact that compactness is the determining 
factor in letter salesmanship. Compactness sets definite limita- 
tions that the writer is bound to observe. ‘The letter must 
accomplish in one page what the salesman in a personal talk 
accomplishes in not less than twenty times the number of 
words. The letter can get the same effect, but because it must 
do so in a definitely circumscribed space, the writer is con- 
strained to select words with precision, and combine them 
with great care for the effect written words produce upon the 
reader. He stakes his appeal on one set of sentences, whereas 
the salesman adds to, and modifies, his talk to suit a customer’s 
changing attitude. 

The letter-writer, then, must win the attention of the 
reader with a single well-chosen talking point, and must con- 
centrate attention upon this point so effectively that doubts 
and questionings are not aroused, for he cannot, like the sales- 
man who is face to face with the customer, meet objections 
as they arise. Thus, whatever is included in the letter is the 
result of a severe sifting process by which the writer is enabled 
to present his message persuasively. 

The importance of imagination——Among writers who suc- 
cessfully adapt standard English to the needs of business, the 
value of imagination is fully recognized. Imagination is, in 
fact, an indispensable part of a business writer’s equipment. 
With imagination, his writing has color and force; his thinking 
is original, and his plans for the future are characterized by 
broad and deep insight. Imagination strengthens and sharpens 
his judgment. Imagination makes of him a man of vision. 
What, then, is this imagination, that it is so important a part 
of a business man’s equipment ? 


LHESPOINT OF VIEW 7 


Imagination is the picturing power or activity of the mind. 
It is the constructive or creative faculty of the mind. It 
belongs, then, to the productive faculty. 

The imagination, in its simplest operation, reproduces 
images formerly acquired by the mind and stored in it. A 
person endowed with a good imagination can, for example, 
recall fully and vividly the incidents of last year’s stockholders’ 
meeting. Imagination, by aiding the process of association, 
aids memory. 

In its more complex functioning, the imagination, by re- 
combining the facts of experience into new forms, creates. An 
architect, for instance, visualizes the new tower building before 
it is begun, or a civil engineer visualizes the new bridge before 
it is built. 

Uses of the imagination—To most people the word 
“imagination” suggests only literature or one of the other fine 
arts. Yet imagination is also scientific and practical. It is 
used by the inventor and the business executive quite as much 
as by the man of letters. In fact, all men of foresight and 
keen vision, in whatever walk of life they are found, are 
endowed with vivid imaginations. 

The differences among great achievers lie not in the kind 
of imagination they possess, but in the applications they make 
of imaginative power. Shakespeare, Gladstone, Napoleon, 
and Edison reveal essentially the same power of imagination. 
The difference is found in the material to which they applied 
the imagination. ) 

Shakespeare imaged life fully. He saw life and he saw it 
whole. Nothing pertaining to the thoughts, acts, and emo- 
tions of men and women escaped him. 

Gladstone’s image embraced all those geographical, racial, 
sociological, and economic considerations which went into the 
statesmanlike control of a vast commonwealth of nations upon 
which the sun never sets. 

Napoleon could dispense with mechanical devices used by 
the average general in visualizing the proper disposition of 
troops on far-flung battle lines. Napoleon’s imagination 
vividly portrayed the valleys and plains of Europe. It pic- 
tured all the intricate details of troop stations and movements 
in their relation to tactics and strategy. 


8 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


The creative faculty of an inventor like Edison images an 
alluring model of the perfected machine he aims to construct. 
His imagination pictures all the details long before even a 
physical working model has been constructed. 

In the same way the business executive sees ahead, formu- 
lates plans, and works out, it may be, advertising and selling 
campaigns, because he has the power of recombining the facts ° 
of past experience into new forms. He improves present 
business practice and methods of manufacture because he has 
a vision of something more workable, efficient, and serviceable 
than at present exists anywhere outside his imagination. ‘The 
executive who plans a new direct-by-mail selling campaign is 
led to devise more effective sales units by the mental image 
which is based on the combination of the most useful tried 
methods with the increment of the new and untried methods 
suggested by the creative faculty. He is able to devise orig- 
inal plans for the company because he has the power to create. 
Imagination makes him foresighted. 

For the writer of business English, the value of imagina- 
tion lies also in the increased power which comes with the use 
of details vividly conceived and, therefore, convincingly ex- 
pressed in compelling language. His imagination calls up such 
a lifelike image of his subject that his mind is stimulated to 
provide vital combinations of words. These attract the 
reader, compel his attention, and thus focus his mind on the 
message. 

The imaginative writer avoids trite expressions because 
they lack vitality and originality. They no longer have the 
power of stimulating attention. Colorless, vague, common- 
place statements find no place in his active vocabulary. He 
does not allow himself to write: “This new stove is capable 
of varied uses.” Such a statement is ineffective because it is 
not imaginative. It suggests no images. It makes no concrete 
appeal. It is not even definite and explicit, like the following 
sentence: “This new Nonpareil range is designed to burn oil 
or gas in summer, and coal or wood in winter.” Such a 
sentence makes a specific appeal. 

The imagination suggests concrete details upon which 
images are based. ‘These are so vividly phrased that the 
reader is made to feel as well as understand. 


THE POINT OF VIEW . 


Routine. 


Your bookkeeper will always be up 
with the month’s postings. 


Imaginative. 


Hurriedly, nervously, the book- 
keeper searches for the next ac- 


count. Reams of awkward pages 
must be flopped and reflopped. 
Crumpled, ruffled edges delay his 
searching fingers. At each opera- 
tion he loses precious minutes. 


The office will not be crowded Compact L. B. Ledger trays or 
with large ledgers if you install desks, saving from 10% to 50% 
this new system. of space, replaced the massive 


ledgers of old... . 


The new method makes accounts Crisp, vertically indexed L. B. 

accessible in a moment. Ledger cards replaced the flimsy 
sheets with their crumpling, rough- 
ened edges. Now the bookkeeper 
can locate, post to, and replace an 
L. B. Ledger card in the time it 
took just to find an account in the 
ledger of his father’s generation. 


Cultivate imagination.—Every intelligent human being is 
endowed by nature with the faculty of imagination. This gift 
of imagination, like every other gift, can be weakened if it is 
not exercised; but, on the other hand, it can be strengthened if 
properly cultivated. 

Every young aspirant to success should make definite plans 
for improving his power of imagination. He can do this most 
effectively and economically by reading the standard English 
classics. Shakespeare, Milton, Wordsworth, and Tennyson, 
to mention no others, reveal imaginative power. ‘Their writ- 
ings are charged with imagination. To read them attentively 
is to stir the imagination, to exercise it. Careful study of 
modern business literature is also rewarding. Successful mod- 
ern writers in this field know the classics of our language, have 
learned from them how to vitalize the business message, and 

thus have pointed the way to students of business English. 
Roy Dickinson, writing in Printers’ Ink (October 9, 1924), 
illustrates the practical value of studying literary masterpieces: 


‘The other day I talked to the president of a small adver- 
tising agency. He is noted for his unusual copy. He told me 


10 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


of a broadside, sent to a list of shoe jobbers, which had pro- 
duced a greater number of return postals asking for a sales 
plan than anything else he had ever sent out for a certain 
manufacturer. This broadside was the result of a careful study 
of several of Victor Hugo’s books. It contained an unusual 
idea described in words which had color and sparkle. He had 
fed upon Hugo’s words until his own style took on something 
of its simplicity and color. He had been able from his reading 
to glorify a humble product and give it life and interest.” 


Find the service element.—Modern business of the pro- 
gressive sort considers every message in the light of the service 
it renders. ‘This attitude recognizes the fact that business is 
in an advanced stage of merchandising. Service rather than 
price is the distinguishing feature. When, quality considered, 
prices have been standardized in a certain field, one firm differs 
from another only in the service it offers customers. This 
fact is recognized by national advertisers. For a long time the 
service appeal has dominated advertising copy, which repre- 
sents the most advanced form of modern business writing. 

Because it meets a real need in the business world, the 
service element has become the established point of view in all 
other types of business writing. Like sales copy, business 
writing in general is planned with reference to the circum- 
stances of the reader. The reader is the determining factor. 
Material is chosen and organized with a view to satisfying his 
needs and desires. ‘The writer’s slogan is, ‘Consider the 
reader. | 

Cultivating good will—The first duty of the business 
writer is, of course, to protect the capital and profits of his 
employer. Nevertheless, this aim can be realized only on the 
basis of an intelligent interpretation of the employer’s rela- 
tion to his customers. The effective approach, therefore, har- 
monizes the needs of both seller and buyer. Both are assured 
protection if the spirit is that of sympathetic consideration. 
Thus, however prominent the item of profit, the deciding fac- 
tor is the retention of the customer’s good will. 

A good collection letter, for example, is planned from the 
reader’s point of view. If it is not, good will cannot be re- 
tained. To demand the money by direct insistence on the 
rights of the creditor, and without full consideration of the 


THE POINT OF VIEW 11 


situation in which the letter finds the debtor, may collect the 
money, but at the expense of alienating good will. Such a 
collection letter is not profitable. ‘The creditor’s immediate 
gain is outbalanced by the loss of profits from future orders 
that would have been secured if the writer had adopted a 
sympathetic tone reflecting the spirit of service. 

Business writing is most successful in protecting the seller’s 
capital and profits when it is planned and expressed to show 
how the seller’s views are advantageous to the reader. The 
problem is to analyze a situation until those elements are found 
which present the case in the light of genuine service. Such an 
enlightened attitude is both just and profitable, for modern 
business is squarely built on the policy of fair dealing. A fair 
deal is one in which the interests of both seller and buyer are 
protected. In fact, continued success in business is not possible 
without a very real understanding of the modern practice of 
business service. 

The style of business writing.— The literature of business 
is characterized by definite aims and marked qualities of style. 
The style varies according to the aims to be accomplished. It 
may be dry, direct, and unadorned, or, on the other hand, 
warm, glowing, and elaborated. At bottom, however, a good 
style results from attention to the essential qualities of business 
writing, which are: (1) consideration, (2) construction, (3) 
compactness, (4) correctness, (5) character, (6) concrete- 
ness, and (7) cheerfulness. 

Tested by the writer’s purpose, business writings divide 
into two familiar classes: literature of knowledge, and litera- 
ture of power. Each has marked stylistic traits peculiar to the 
type. 

Literature of knowledge.—When the primary object is to 
convey information, the writing classifies as literature of 
knowledge. Among the many possible forms are abstracts 
and summaries, catalogues and books of directions, certain 
types of business reports and book reviews, and business arti- 
cles limited to the presentation of statistical or other matter- 
of-fact information. 

In literature of knowledge, clearness and accuracy are 
more important than interest. Interest is supplied largely, if 
not exclusively, by the reader. When, for example, a business 
report is limited to complete and accurate presentation of 


12 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


data, no attempt being made to influence the course of action 
of those to whom the report is submitted, the tone and style 
are impersonal. When the investigation leading to the report 
is begun at the behest of certain executives, these executives 
read a matter-of-fact report with keen interest. Reader inter- 
est, therefore, need not be stimulated by means of rhetorical 
devices. It exists before the reading begins. Such ready-made 
interest is held and satisfied through the display of sound 
judgment in the selection of details, and through flawless logic 
in their organization. 

In such writing, where the appeal is wholly to the mind, 
clearness is the ideal. It follows that a direct, unadorned, 
explanatory style is best adapted to the expression of matter« 
of-fact material. If the writer has selected, organized, and 
phrased his data so that they make a clear impression, he has 
done his full duty. The essential qualities of literature of 
knowledge are illustrated in the structure and vocabulary of 
the following selection: 


These, then, are the three general factors which have resulted in 
average turnovers of 16.33 for Simmons goods as against 2.6 to 4.5 for 
general furniture and dry goods. Checking them off they are, briefly: 

(a) Varied floor stock with small reserve and frequent re-orders. 

(b) Aggressive merchandising and selling. 

(c) Strong local advertising tie-up. 


Literature of power.—There are, however, writings in 
which clear and accurate statements alone are inadequate for 
the full accomplishment of the writer’s purpose. There are 
occasions when he plans not so much to inform or instruct, as 
to move his reader. This purpose is illustrated in numerous 
valuable forms of business writing, but especially in sales let- 
ters, in which the aim is to stimulate favorable action, and in 
which, therefore, it is fatal to assume the existence of reader 
interest. As the need of persuasion increases, the necessity 
for arousing interest becomes more urgent. The style is modi- 
fied by supplementing bare facts with emotional and other 
appeals that intrigue the reader. 

It is not sufficient, for example, to mail matter-of-fact 
folders or booklets to prospects, and then sit back and wait for 
orders. Even if every paragraph in such advertising media 
is accurately and clearly phrased in every detail, the manu- 


» 


THE POINT OF VIEW 13 


facturer has no assurance that the prospect will read, or send 
in orders if he does read. Hence the style of sales messages 
must be adapted to the primary function of sales writing, 
which is to persuade the reader to act. 

The same is also true of reports and book reviews which 
aim to influence the reader’s course of action. By adding 
recommendations to the report, or by vividly suggesting the 
high value of a book to certain classes of business people, the 
writer seeks definitely to influence his readers. Collection let- 
ters and letters of adjustment likewise aim to mold opinion. 

In such persuasive writings, the bare data, facts, and 
abstract ideas must be clothed in flesh and blood if they are to 
make a human appeal. 

The persuasive style is based on suggestive, picture-making 
words that stimulate the reader through an appeal to his 
imagination. Power is added when the writer approaches his 
reader, not through the dry light of the understanding, but 
rather ‘“‘through that humid light which clothes itself in the 
mists and glittering iris of human passions, desires, and genial 
emotions.” 

These qualities are illustrated in the following selection. 
Compare and contrast it with the illustration of literature of 
knowledge. 


What interested us was the intense way in which he later studied a 
page advertisement in the magazine he held in his hand. It appeared 
to fascinate him; he smiled and chuckled; he rubbed his chin and nodded 
sublime approval. He finally turned to us and held the advertisement 
for us to examine. 

“Isn’t that great!” was his enthusiastic comment. ‘The artist who 
drew that certainly knew folks. What gets me about it is the fishing 
set; those little tin swans and trout and turtles, painted as natural as 
can be. That’s what I first noticed. “Toys haven’t changed much since 
I was a boy. I had a set of exactly those same rigamajigs when I was 
the age of that lad in the picture.” 

Here was one of the legion to whom advertising is addressed, and out 
of all the innumerable advertisements, he had settled on this one, with 
a sort of sentimental attachment, paying it handsome tribute. A most 


‘potent appeal, it seems to us, is the sentimental appeal. 


Conclusion.—In establishing the correct point of view to- 
ward the problem of business writing, this chapter has stressed 
the following points: (1) Business English is an adaptation 


14 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


of standard English to the needs of business. As one of the 
useful arts, business English is a means of securing practical 
results. (2) The successful writer knows and applies the rules 
and principles which make up the science of composition. 
(3) The problems of oral and written expression are differ- 
ent. (4) Practical imagination is a vital part of the writer’s 
equipment. (5) Modern business writing is conditioned by 
the service point of view. (6) The style of business writing 
varies according to whether the writing classifies as literature 
of knowledge or literature of power. 


Exercises for Class Discussion. 


1. Make a list of ten business words and phrases. Ex- 
plain why they cannot be classified as standard English. Why 
should these terms be avoided ordinarily in advertisements 
and general business correspondence ? 

2. In the light of your conclusions in the previous exer- 
cise, what is the significance of the second paragraph in the 
following selection? Can you simplify the first paragraph by 
making it easier to read? Does the writer shift the burden to 


the reader? Why? 


The answer is furnished authentically by laboratory comparisons of 
the latest high-powered Franklin motor with the Series 10-B motor, its 
predecessor, which show, as stated in the report of Professor A. H. 
Lockwood of Sheffield Scientific School, Yale, that increase in horse- 
power has been accomplished without any sacrifice of fuel economy at 
corresponding speeds. 

Translated into owners’ language, this means that the Series 10-C 
car, operated at 30 miles an hour, for instance, gives the same economy 
as a Series 10-B car running at the same speed. “The same would hold 
true at corresponding speeds either higher or lower. 


3. Use the following advertisement as the basis for oral 
presentation of the case before your classmates. Develop the. 
case so that you can present it winningly. Is your oral appeal 
longer than the printed appeal? Did you add new talking 
points? Or did you amplify the points in the printed appeal? 
Why is the oral appeal necessarily longer ? 


Get your Kodak out. An ideal time for picture-making is autumn. 
Whether it’s a hunt or a hike, have your Kodak ready for the pictures 
you re sure to want. 


THE POINT OF VIEW. 15 


4. Why do large corporations publish statements like the 
following? Consider (a) profit, (b) service, (c) good will. 
Point out how the intended result is accomplished through 
(a) choice of material, (b) phrasing. 


(1) What becomes of the millions of dollars received by a large 
organization like the General Electric Company? 

More than 40 cents out of each dollar goes in salaries and wages to 
G-E men and women—scientists, engineers, salesmen, and other workers. 

Not quite 5 cents goes in cash dividends to the owners of General 
Electric—37,000 investors, 16,000 of them women. 

(2) For each dollar which an employee puts into its Savings and 
Investment Fund, General Motors contributes 50 cents, and pays 6% 
interest on the amount standing to the employee’s credit. 

Today over 45% of the eligible employes are participating in this 
plan; and those who began saving in 1919 will this year receive better 
than a two-for-one settlement on the amounts they paid in. A big 
corporation is just an army of “folks,” and the quality of its product is 
botind to be better when men and women have the opportunity to make 
steady financial progress. 

(3) Two cents out of one dollar of sales means prosperity for meat 
packers. On such small profit has been built the great industry which 
markets a nation’s live stock throughout the whole world, rendering 
good service to producer and consumer, and fair dividends to investors. 
What is the truth about profits in the packing business? 

(4) More and more, as the years roll by, we realize that the things 
by which we are set apart from our fellows—ability, success, money—are 
as nothing in comparison with those things which draw and hold us 
together with a common bond—friendship—helpfulness—and loyalty. 
It is with this thought that we extend to our friends Hearty Greetings 
for the New Year.—The Pusey and Jones Company, Wilmington, 
Delaware. 


5. Do the following paragraphs reveal imagination? Is 
imagination reflected in (1) point of view, (2) subject- 
matter, (3) words and phrases? Just how? 


(a) (A woman is about to polish a hand mirror.) She says, “In 
half a second, little mirror, you'll sparkle too. No question about it, 
Bon Ami is a marvel for mirrors—big or little.” 

Contrast: Bon Ami is unsurpassed as a polishing agent for all kinds 
of mirrors. 

(6) Quick, simple, safe, Bon Ami simply blots up the dust and 
streaks, 

Contrast: Bon Ami removes dust and streaks—quickly, simply, and 
safely. 


16 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


(c) You'll never forget the night you first tune in your Atwater 
Kent Radio. The thrill of the experience will live in your memory— 
the sheer delight of filling your room with living voices or the music 
from an orchestra perhaps a thousand miles away. 

(d) Get a Kingston Heater, and make your car as warm and cozy 
as your home. ‘The Kingston is making thousands of happy winter 
drivers all over the country. It means comfort at zero. 

(e) The Alcazar Quality Kitchen Range—the range for all seasons 
—burns gas, and coal or wood. You have a warm kitchen in winter— 
cool in summer—comfortable between seasons. 

6. Just how do the selections in Exercise 5 show adapta- 
tion to the reader? In each one, did the writer consider the 
reader primarily? exclusively? 


ts et 


CHAPTER II 


THE ESSENTIAL QUALITIES OF BUSINESS 
WRITING: CONSIDERATION: CONSTRUCTION 


Clearness and interest, as ideals of style, are realized by 
observance of the seven essential qualities of business writing: 
(1) consideration, (2) construction, (3) compactness, (4) 
correctness, (5) character, (6) concreteness, (7) cheerful- 
ness. Business writings carry conviction in proportion to the 
writer’s ability to incorporate these seven essential qualities, 
which apply in varying degrees, according to the type of 
writing. 

Consideration is the most important of these qualities and 
so heads the list. The first step in planning a letter or report 
is to discover the reader. The message cannot be intelligently 
composed until the writer knows the temper of the person or 
persons to whom his message 1s directed. 

Construction, the second essential quality, controls the 
selection and arrangement of material for the plan of the let- 
ter, article, or report. 

Formulation of a plan is an indispensable preliminary step 
to the act of writing. Before the writer puts pencil to paper, 
he ought to have clearly in mind: first, his reader; and sec- 
ondly, the logical sequence of ideas, facts, and illustrations 
constituting the material of his writing. 

Every article, report, or letter must be an organic unit. 
As such it should have a beginning, a middle, and an end. To 
the inexperienced writer the foregoing statement of an im- 
portant rhetorical principle may sound like a platitude. Sea- 
soned writers, however, appreciate the difficulty of applying 
the principle successfully in practice. 

Before he begins to phrase his material, the writer selects 
and organizes it in conformity with a definite purpose. He 
finds a plan. When each structural unit is clear in itself, and 
in its relation to every other unit, the logical plan leads the 

17 


18 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


reader from a well-defined opening to the gist of the message, 
and from that to a significant close. It is necessary, then, in 
the process of planning, to find an opening which will prepare 
the reader for a favorable reception of the message, to develop 
the principal thought so that the reader will be definitely 
impressed, and, finally, to clinch the main point in such a way 
that the reader will agree with the writer. 

The importance of planning cannot be overstated. It is, 
for example, commonly believed that the advertising manager, 
or whoever writes the sales letters, enters his office in the 
morning, withdraws from the world of affairs to meditate and 
write, and toward the close of the afternoon emerges with 
copy containing a full-blown sales letter. This romantic 
notion is based on a misconception of the true duties of a 
correspondent. Unfortunately, many young writers actually 
approach the problem in this mood. They assume that a sales 
letter need merely be written to be produced. They forget 
that putting the letter on paper is the last of five essential steps 
in the process of composition (the word means “‘setting to- 
gether, assembling’). 

At the outset, many fail in composition because they have 
not learned to clear the mind for larger considerations. The 
writer who worries about the details of expression while he is 
trying to solve the logical problem of structure, divides his 
attention at a time when he should concentrate it. ‘The logical 
processes of thought governing selection, arrangement, and 
stressing of letter material should have been completed before 
attention is given to the details of expression. 

While formulating the plan, the efficient writer frees his 
mind of all worries about language. He leaves the problem 
of phrasing until after he has determined upon the underlying 
plan. This procedure is necessary because the logical ele- 
ments of composition cannot be analyzed adequately while 
the mind is occupied with the mechanics of style. The fact is 
that structure and style offer two distinct problems, each in- 
volving its own characteristic mental activity. When an 
attempt is made to organize and to phrase the material simul- 
taneously, mental friction results, with loss to both logic and 
style. Such irritating and wasteful efforts can be avoided if 
the writer attends first to prevision and then to revision. 

Prevision governs the processes of thought concerned with 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CONSIDERATION 19 


the constructive elements of the letter: what data to select, 
how to arrange them, where to begin, how to proceed, how to 
close. To look ahead, to select, to outline, to organize, to plan 
the available material is to satisfy the requirements of pre- 
vision. Therefore, before he begins to write, let the writer 
have a definite outline, either in his mind or on paper. 

Revision, on the other hand, involves attention to the 
details of language. ‘The choice of language is guided, first, 
by established rules governing the mechanics of writing, and 
then, secondly, by the good sense and fine feeling of the writer 
in his selection of vivid, forceful, and compelling words and 
phrases. Because this problem of style differs essentially from 
the problems involved in the constructive activities demanded 
by prevision, and in the best practice is treated after them, it 
is discussed separately in the succeeding chapters. 

The steps leading to the completed plan involve careful 
attention to the demands of consideration and construction. 
The theory and practice set forth in the following paragraphs, 
although focused on the sales letter, apply with equal force to 
other forms of business letters. Special applications to the 
various types of business letters and reports are discussed in 
later chapters. 


Consideration. 


Consideration of the reader is a prerequisite to success. 
An age which features service as the distinguishing trait of 
good business, and which looks upon every letter as a selling 
letter, insistently demands writers who take a sympathetic 
view of the reader’s tastes, desires, and needs. [he word 
“sympathy” means ‘“‘fellow-feeling.’ To sympathize with 
your reader is, then, to “‘feel with” him. ‘The successful writer 
has the knack of getting in tune with his reader because he 
imaginatively puts himself in the reader’s place. 

Visualizing the reader.—Such consideration is the result 
of visualization. An act of the imagination is required to stir 
up a lifelike image. Bea see-er. Visualize the reader in his 
surroundings. You must not waste time and effort in a futile 
attempt to write winningly to an impersonal abstraction. 
Somehow, you must get a vivid conception of a real flesh-and- 
blood man. 


20 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


The “you” attitude.—Consider, furthermore, that the 
reader is absorbed in his own problems. He reads your letter 
in the light of his profits and his personal or business needs. 
Unless your letter gives adequate consideration to his prob- 
lems, you cannot hope for a favorable reaction. ‘Uherefore 
the “‘we’’ attitude has been replaced in modern correspondence 
by the “‘you”’ attitude, which means simply that the writer is 
accustomed to ‘‘other’’ himself. 

= The point is that the letter cannot fulfill its mission unless 
it is directed to an individual human being. ‘Thousands of 
letters never convince because they are not written with an 
individual reader in view. Like Edward Bok, the writer 
assembles his material with an individual in mind—a house- 
wife, a banker, a farmer, as the occasion demands. ‘Thus the 
acquisition of information concerning the reader constitutes 
the second essential step in the writing of the letter. 

Finding the reader.—You must know something about 
your reader’s personality and needs. Or if you are writing to 
a group—as to farmers in Iowa, apple growers in Oregon, or 
shoe manufacturers in New England—discover the individual- 
izing characteristics of the group. 

A university in Pennsylvania was about to open a night 
school for factory workers. A likely faculty member was 
delegated to write letters urging workers to make use of this 
opportunity. He made several attempts, but could not get 
beyond formal statements and glittering generalities. Then a 
light dawned upon him. He realized that he had never really 
known a mechanic. He hasténed to the nearest factory, where 
he spent several days in conversation that gave him a line on 
the average intelligence and needs of a shop worker. Then, 
but not until then, he wrote letters that sold the new evening 
school to factory workers. 

Practical psychology.—A broad and sympathetic under- 
standing of human nature is an indispensable equipment for 
the qualified correspondent. ‘The more he knows of the prac- 
tical aspects of psychology, the better able he is to cope with 
the problem of understanding the prospect. Space limitations 
preclude discussion, but the student is referred to the follow- 
ing standard books: (1) ‘Advertising and Its Mental Laws,” 
by H. F. Adams; (2) “Advertising and Selling,” by H. L. 
Hollingworth; (3) ‘‘The Mind of the Buyer,” by H. D. Kit- 


ern, 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CONSIDERATION ye 


son. The knowledge of human nature gained from the study 
of psychology should be focused on the individual prospect. 
Individualizing the reader.—There are numerous prac- 
tical ways of securing vital information about the prospect. 
Four will be given, in the order of their availability. 
1. Study the correspondence files. If you are keen on 

clues, as you must be if you aim at success in letter writing, 
_and if you can read between the lines, you will find abundant 
_ material in departmental correspondence with the prospect. 
2. Some firms use information cards filled in by their 
traveling salesmen. These cards are so printed as to record 
information concerning the personality and business needs of 
individual business men. Information gleaned from such cards 
_ should be supplemented by personal talks with the salesmen. 
| 3. In establishments where the sales letter is really a vital 
| part of the system, sales correspondents make a practice of 
E going on the road for a month or so each year. Thus they 
secure first-hand knowledge of the men to whom they must 
) write during the remaining eleven months. 
| 4. Take into account the nature of the prospect’s busi- 
-ness, and also racial and geographical considerations. ‘he 
habits of thought, for example, of a Swedish hardware dealer 
in Minnesota are not necessarily like those of a Yankee hard- 
ware dealer of the same standing in New England. ‘The 
hardware dealer in New York or Chicago differs in many ways 
from the dealer in Georgia or Texas, personally and in his 
methods of doing business. 

Adapt the product to the reader.—If what you write is 
skillfully adapted to the reader, he will be interested and 
responsive. Adaptation means adjusting the message to the 
individual on whom it is desired to make an impression. Ad- 
justment is always necessary, and the writer must make it. It 
is his duty to harmonize two equally important items: the 
reader to be impressed, and the materials for the impression. 

Adaptation is necessary in all types of business writing. 
| Every business article, report, and letter is directed to an 
individual or well-defined group of individuals. ‘To secure a 
reading, the writer adjusts himself to the point of view of the 
audience. Thus a technical article written by an expert statis- 
tician for The Wall Street Journal on the probable volume of 
| production in the automotive industry during 1925-1926 would 


ee 


— 





—_——~ 











22 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


be out of tune in The Saturday Evening Post. The readers of 
one magazine are accustomed to technical treatment of a tech- 
nical problem, whereas the readers of a more popular maga- 
zine demand a simplified but colorful and entertaining 
presentation. 

The same principle applies to the individual. A collection 
letter to a highly rated debtor differs in several essentials from 
a letter to a poor risk. The sensitive debtor is not accorded 
the same treatment as the callous debtor. A sales letter to 
jobbers differs radically from a letter selling the identical 
product to women. ‘The reader’s age, sex, occupation, en- 
vironment, and habits are carefully considered in their influ- 
ence on establishing the productive point of view toward the 
reader. 

Adaptation in substance, structure, and language.— 
Genuine consideration influences substance, structure, and 
language. Adaptation is reflected in all three. You must 
consider, first, the appropriateness of particular details to the 
reader addressed: their suitability to the purpose of your 
writing. Likewise, secondly, the writer’s purpose and the read- 
er’s needs dictate the arrangement of these selected details. 
Thirdly, a skillful writer meets the requirements of adaptation 
by adjustment in manner and phrasing. 

The problem of adaptation is concretely illustrated in the 
following Ayer advertisement, the purpose of which is not to 
sell the product on which the advertisement is based, but to 
interest manufacturers in the modern methods employed by 
the Ayer advertising agency. Note how well the subject- 
matter, structure, and language are adapted to accomplish 
this purpose. 


“Why,” asked Mrs. Oscar Smith of her next-door neighbor’s hus- 
band, “why will my milk and butter not keep sweet in my ice-box?” 

Next-door neighbor’s husband was a professor of physics. He 
replied, ““The ‘W’ in the equation, W—=Q1—Q2, is too small.” 

Scientifically, “Q1” equals the amount of heat at the beginning of 
any refrigerating operation and “Q2” equals the amount of heat after 
the cold air has passed through the system. ‘‘W,” the difference, is the 
efficiency index of the refrigerator. 

In the formula, the physicist finds the key to the solution of all 
refrigeration difficulties. 

In the translation of W=Q1-—Q2 into terms of butter, eggs, milk, 





| 


| 











ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CONSTRUCTION 23 


_and ice, which millions of Mrs. Smiths can clearly understand, we found 
| the key to the advertising for the Gibson Refrigerator Company, of 


Greenville, Michigan. 
The Gibson campaign for 1925 will put Gibson refrigeration so 
clearly that even the little Smiths will understand it. 


Thus the first step in planning is to make oneself thor- 
oughly familiar with the reader or readers. Then, but not 
until then, the writer is ready for the second step in planning 


his report, article, or letter. 


Construction. 


Five steps lead to the actual writing of the letter: (1) 
know your product, (2) find the corethought, (3) find the 


supporting material, (4) find the appeal, and (5) assemble 
your data. The sixth and last step is to write the letter. 


1. Know your product.—Convincing letters are built by 


/men who know what they are writing about. The first step, 


therefore, is to familiarize yourself with the product or service 
the letter is to sell. 

Without a complete and detailed knowledge of the under- 
lying facts, the writer cannot have confidence in what he at- 
tempts to sell. Lacking confidence, he will also lack 
enthusiasm. Both are indispensable, for without them the 
letter cannot present the message in a direct and convincing 
manner. 

Your initial duty, then, is to know your product. You 
must, first of all, establish fresh contact with the raw material 


of your letter. Familiarity with factory methods and processes 
_enhances your sales appeal by giving it a desirable solidity of 


substance. [he bare facts, however, are not sufficient. Con- 
tact with men who control processes and distribution awakens 


enthusiasm. ‘Talks with mechanics who do the work, and with 


the foremen and managers who control and guide the work, 


will serve to give you the production point of view. ‘These 





men are proud of their product, believe in it, do their best 
thinking for it. After five o’clock they plan ways of improv- 
ing it. 


If your letter is concerned with automobiles, learn all you 
can about the selection of raw material. ‘Talk long and often 
with the manager who buys the bearings, and with the men 


24 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


who test them, select them, and put them into the car. Visit 
the painting department. Observe also how the upholstery is 
made, so that you may know something about the coach work. 
Understand how the car is assembled. Ride in the auto- 
mobile. Drive it up hill and down hill and through congested 
streets. 

Or if your letter is to sell food products, haunt the pur- 
chasing department. Examine the raw material as it enters 
the factory. See what becomes of it in the process of change 
to the finished, marketable product. If you know from ob- 
servation and from tasting the food, that “‘pure’’ on the labels 
really means purity, you are in a position to write confidently 
and persuasively. 

It is the refuge of the inefficient to ascribe to the caprices 
of fortune the deserved promotion of adjustment managers, 
advertising managers, and sales-copy writers who began their 
careers in the engineering department of an automobile plant, 
or in the kitchens of a food factory. Such men were promoted 
not merely because they could write, but fully as much because 
they knew the product thoroughly and were enthusiastic 
about it. 

It is unreasonable to expect substantial, enticing letters 
from a man whose information is based merely on a bowing 
acquaintance with goods, or on hearsay knowledge of 
processes. 

Genuine faith in your product will remove many of the 
mountainous obstacles in the way of the writer of successful 
letters. To win that faith, you must dig and delve for the 
facts. 

One paragraph based on first-hand knowledge carries more 
conviction than a whole page of “radiant moonshine” or sky- 
blue fancies. 

When you assume the responsibilities of a correspondent 
in a large factory, you may, to your advantage, report in 
overalls and flannel shirt to spend several weeks on the factory 
floors. The necessity for this preliminary survey may be con- 
trary to your romantic notions of what is done in pursuit of 
the useful art of writing sales letters close to one hundred per 
cent in form and expression. Success in correspondence—like 
success everywhere—is achieved only at the price of a thor- 
ough devotion to the details of one’s work. 





| 





| 


| 


| 





ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CONSTRUCTION 25 
A letter, like a beautiful poem, is not to be produced by the 


_mere act of writing it. Behind it, as behind everything worth 


while, lies a wide background of knowledge and experience. 


Longfellow, the poet-teacher, bears witness to this in one of 
! e e . e 

his letters. He has in mind those people who see education 
_ from afar and speak of it in glowing terms. He reminds them 


that, in reality, they see only the finished pictures; that in the 


' work rooms, which they cannot see, there is the less agreeable 


preparatory work of grinding the paints and the oils, and the 


pulling of hair from the camel’s back to make brushes. Long- 
fellow was right. The glowing sentences in completed sales 


copy are the result of patient, honest, hard work behind the 


i scenes. 


Analyzing the product.—The following headings, which 
are suggestive, do not exhaust the possibilities in any one 
industry. The accompanying illustrations are, of course, based 
on a thorough study of basic data. 

A. Raw materials—The source of supply is often im- 
portant to the consumer: 


Many long miles were traveled—over land and sea—that you might 


_ enjoy a fine flavor in Maxwell House Coffee. 


Compare: 


From contented cows. 


Or: 
Milch cows of the highest grade supply the milk for Peter’s. 


A high quality of raw material is always reassuring: 


The perfection of Campbell’s Tomato Soup starts with the tomatoes. 


_ We grow and perfect them. By years of study and effort we have pro- 
_ duced the best kind to make the best tomato soup. 


OT : 


Of the scores of varieties of cocoa beans, only six go into Peter’s— 


and only certain grades of these. 





Cost often reflects the high quality of raw material: 


During twenty years of tobacco buying, I have never “figured” 
whether I could afford to buy the kind of tobacco that insures the 
quality of La Palina. I ask myself one question: “Is this tobacco fine 


26 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


enough for La Palina?”’ If it is, I buy—if not, some one else may 
have it. 


The quantity available is pertinent evidence: 


I keep on hand as a protection against poor crops, more than three 
and a half million dollars’ worth of tobacco that I know is fine enough 
for La Palina. 


B. Manufacturing stages——Factory processes are inter- 
esting as inside evidence: 

Grape-Nuts is almost all pure carbohydrates (three-fourths)—and 
by a special slow-baking process of many hours, these carbohydrates have 
been turned into dextrins, of all food substances the ones that are most 
easily and quickly used by the body for nourishment. 


The machinery used supplies relevant material: 

This pure milk is blended with the chocolate in big mixing kettles, 
just as it comes hourly, fresh from the farm. 

Sanitation is a vital problem in the production of food- 
stuffs : 

Carnation milk insures good cooking, for it is insured milk—always 
pure and safe. 

High standards of workmanship are reassuring: 


Even today, only foremen thoroughly trained in Swiss methods have 
charge of the work. 


Or: 
A candy that is so delightfully dainty as Park & Tilford’s has to be 


made with the greatest of care. So we employ over four hundred chefs 
and maids in our kitchen to mix and cook the candies, and to add those 
little fancy dabs and curlycues that mean so much to eye and appetite. 


The cost may involve, for example, a large outlay for 
research that improves the product: 

In its research laboratories General Electric invests more than a 
million dollars a year. 

Close supervision safeguards manufacturing processes: 


Each division of Buick production is guarded by a corps of engineers 
and assistants. Every unit and every part, down to the smallest washer, 
is designed and checked by Buick engineers. 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CONSTRUCTION ma 


C. Finished products.— 

Quality: 

In every price division, the emblem, Body by Fisher, conveys pre- 
cisely the same meaning. It always signifies the very highest in value, 


soundness, and style, as conceived by body-builders whose facilities, skill, 
and experience have no parallel. 


Price: 
The Hupmobile Eight is the happiest balance between price and 


highest possible efficiency—the first Eight in which highest quality is 
joined to economy and a moderate price. 


Service: 


Above are illustrated only a few of the many special tools designed 
-and built by Hupmobile for its hundreds of service stations throughout 
America. These special tools, plus the Hupmobile flat-rate system, 
enable Hupmobile mechanics to save minutes, and in some cases hours, 


on a given job. 


| 
| 
| 
. 
| 


| Design: 

' 

_ Your brake lining is attached to the brake bands by rivets. If these 
‘rivets are not of the right design and countersunk, they project and cause 


_many brake troubles. Projecting rivets score the brake drums, or rip the 
| lining and produce uneven wear. 


| Every product or service has distinguishing features. 
Analysis of basic data reveals these. Analysis is not complete 
until the writer has found the distinguishing characteristics, 
for it is obvious that he must not lay emphasis on qualities 
‘common to all or many competing products. To do so would 
be to advertise competitive goods to the same extent as his 
own. 
_ Comparison with similar products reveals individualizing 
features in your product. To discover how your product 
differs favorably from competing products, draw up, in parallel 
columns, lists of the ways in which your product is like the 
products of your competitors. The ways in which your product 
differs are indicated by the headings that do not fit into the 
list of likenesses. This convincing material belongs to one or 
more of the headings noted in the preceding paragraphs. 
Your product, for example, may have the advantage in 
quality, price, design, or service. Asa result of your analysis 









28 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


of a hotel problem, the differentiating features may suggest 
that a residence hotel, summer resort, or winter resort, should 
stress location and accessibility. Or instead, it may be found 
advisable to stress equipment for accommodating guests com- 
fortably and at reasonable rates. Or the high class of the 
management and personnel may suggest that service should 
be used as the distinguishing feature. 

2. Find the corethought.—The corethought is the cen- 
tral thought of the letter, the one best adapted to make a 
strong impression. It is found among the differentiating quali- 
ties which emerge from analysis of basic data concerning the 
product. The corethought is determined upon by analyzing 
the qualities of the product as viewed in their relation to the 
needs and desires of the reader. It is discovered in the process 
of harmonizing product and reader. Analysis of the differ- 
entiating qualities reveals several qualities, any one of which 
might appeal to the reader. Analysis of the reader reveals 
numerous needs and desires, one of which can be best satisfied 
by the product. The problem of the writer is to discover, 
among the differentiating qualities, that quality which spe- 
cifically meets the reader’s dominant need. 

The experienced writer never confuses his reader by pre- 
senting several points in one letter. The most effective 
strategy is to concentrate upon that one appeal which is best 
adapted to secure a response. Analysis of a new type of 
widely advertised hatchet will disclose these facts: (1) The 
hatchet has a tempered steel head and blade; (2) The handle 
is made of sound, carefully selected hardwood; (3) The 
weight of the hatchet is just right for convenient use; (4) The 
handle is firmly attached to the head; (5) An adjustment 
screw keeps the handle securely attached to the head. 

Analysis of data like the foregoing reveals several ways 
in which the hatchet is like other hatchets sold at the same 
price. Most hatchets have strong handles and well-tempered 
steel heads. ‘Though the wood and the steel may be unusually 
strong in this hatchet, the average buyer pays little attention 
to sales copy based on these characteristics. He is, however, 
impressed by the adjustment screw. Past experience has 
taught him how irritating a loose handle is. Because it satisfies 
a real need, the adjustment screw differentiates this hatchet 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CONSTRUCTION 29 


from other hatchets. The adjustment screw, then, is the core- 
thought (selling point) upon which the writer concentrates. 

3. Find the supporting material—The supporting facts 
cluster about the central thought. With the reader’s character 
and needs always before him, the writer selects details to make 
the corethought attractive. From the mass of collected facts 
and ideas, he chooses only those points focusing directly and 
unmistakably on the central thought. He asks himself, “If I 
were this man, and sitting in his chair, what ideas and facts 
would persuade me?” Every detail that does not strengthen 
the desired impression is strictly excluded. 

The nature of the product itself also has an important 
influence on the choice of supporting material. One kind of 
product can be more forcefully presented by means of an 
appeal to judgment; another by means of an appeal to the 
emotions. It is obvious at once that a letter selling a farm 
tractor presents a different problem from one selling apple 
butter; and both are rather different from one selling smokers’ 
articles or a raccoon overcoat. 

In each instance the product definitely influences the choice 
of supporting data. When a product is costly and classifies 
as a utility, like the tractor, the writer chooses substantial, 
verifiable data, and many of them. When, on the other hand, 
the article satisfies a desire rather than a personal or business 
need, a few details that have atraosphere and color make a 
quick appeal. 

The decision as to the choice of supporting details depends 
upon the answer to two questions: 


1. Is the product classified as a necessity or as a luxury? 
2. Is the prospect a potential buyer because he must meet 
aneed? Or does he wish to satisfy a desire? 


| 4. Find the appeal.—There are two ways of using details 
to stress the corethought : 


| 1. Appeal to reason. This is the mental approach. 
_ 2. Appeal to desire. This is the emotional approach. 


| 
| 
i] 


‘Which appeal is more effective? If the letter is to sell a 
‘serviceable product like a farm tractor, the best procedure 1s 
‘to convince the farmer by presenting data and arguments em- 
phasizing the superiority of your tractor in satisfying his needs. 


} 


30 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


If you are selling tooth paste, you can appeal to the judgment 
of the user by stressing the convenience of using the paste flat 
on the brush; or you can prove that your paste insures health 
by destroying germs or preventing acid mouth. Whatever the 
central selling point, the letter is built around it in such a way 
as to appeal to the judgment of the prospect. 

The appeal to judgment is called the reason why appeal. 
It gives the farmer opportunity to think about what you write 
concerning, for instance, the durability of the tractor. Or you 
may play up one of the following: low initial cost, low upkeep, 
sturdy construction, ease of operation, surplus power for hill- 
side work (if this applies to the prospect). Your appeal gives 
him an opportunity to weigh your arguments and to test the 
validity of your data. He is constantly asking himself whether 
your product satisfies his needs. His one consideration is 
utility. | 

The appeal to the emotions is called the short circuit 
appeal. It suggests immediate action by means of an action- 
stimulating attack on the emotions. It aims to secure snap 
judgment by presenting the product so persuasively as to 
create or satisfy desire. 

The reason why appeal is better adapted to satisfying 
needs (business or household); the short circuit appeal is 
better suited to satisfying longings and desires of a more per- 
sonal nature. Jewelry, smokers’ articles, fur wraps, foods that 
gratify taste rather than provide nourishment, these things 
and many more like them are readily sold by means of the 
short circuit appeal. 

In instances like those just mentioned, it is not necessary, 
usually, to create desire, for it already exists. he problem is 
to associate your product so strongly with the prospect’s desire 
as to make him purchase your product and no other. 

Food products may be sold on the basis of either appeal. 
You can prove that your cream tomato soup is really made 
with cream from the dairy. You can convince the housewife 
that your ketchup or baking powder contains no harmful sub- 
stance. You may, on the other hand, appeal to the emotions 
by calling up memories treasured by the prospect because he 
is human and sentimental. This is the appeal used by bakers 
who tell you that their bread is as wholesome and delicious as 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CONSTRUCTION 31 


the bread mother used to bake. The manufacturer of jam 
calls up memories of the jam bread you used to eat after 
school in boyhood days. You can still enjoy that rich flavor 
—if you buy Blank’s wholesome, delicious, appetizing grape 
jam or apple butter. “Spread it on thick.” 

5. Assemble your data.—The writer is now prepared to 
begin the composition of the letter. He is not, however, quite 
ready to write. One more step is necessary. He must organize 
his material. This means careful grouping according to an 
effective plan. 

The writer who rushes ahead without a plan produces a 
rambling letter which, except by chance, confuses the reader. 
A good slogan, therefore, is, “Plan your letter.’’ Carefully 
grouped thoughts assure a definite impression. Professor 
Gardner has well said that the “‘letter which is rightly planned 
leads the reader along a path that has been prepared in ad- 
vance to conduct him to a desired goal.”’ 

The letter is built around the selling point. Every sen- 
tence, every paragraph, in fact every word and phrase, must 
focus on the selling point. Nothing should be admitted that 
does not contribute to a forceful, convincing amplification. 

Instead, then, of plunging directly into writing, the writer 
sketches the structural units by means of pencil jottings. In 


this way he can make certain that the reader will really follow 
him easily from the first sentence to the last. The most effec- 
tive arrangement varies according to the kind of material used. 
The best general plan is (1) to begin where the letter finds the 





reader, and (2) to lead him step by step to where a favorable 


response is assured. 
Every writing, as has been observed, must have a begin- 


‘ning, a middle, and an end. ‘These three distinct steps are 
fundamental to all types of writing. 


Beginning.—The opening senterice makes the situation 


clear and prepares the reader for a favorable reception of the 


message. The tone of the first sentence wins the reader’s 


attention or keeps him from reading at all. In the opening 


t 


‘sentence, then, the writer gets in tune with the reader. 


The beginning of the sales appeal, for example, attracts 


attention by arousing the curiosity of the reader. If the first 
‘sentence does not take hold, the prospect will not read the 





32 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


letter. The opening statement needs to be interesting and 
relevant. Apt beginnings are assured if the writer begins (1) 
by putting his interest among the interests of the reader; (2) 
by using the “you” approach. (See page 159 for attractive 
opening sentences. ) 

Middle-—The succeeding sentences contain the gist of the 
letter. They develop the corethought clearly and persuasively. 
In this section of the letter you can use those details you have 
chosen to make a strong appeal to the prospect’s need or desire 
for the product. The aim is to match the desires of the 
prospect with the attractiveness, reliability, or low cost of the 
product. 

The prospect must also be convinced. Most people desire 
good things, but wish to be certain that they make no mistake 
in purchasing your product. If you use the reason why appeal, 
you can bring forward evidence by way of pertinent data con- 
cerning quality or cost, or both. Or you can quote the testi- 
mony of users. Samples and guarantees are also effective. As 
only one of these appeals can be used in a single letter, choose 
the one which is most suitable. 

End.—The closing sentences stress the corethought. They 
clinch the main point. ‘The close of the letter makes the core- 
thought impressive. Many letters do not close, but taper off 
in a weak and wordy agglomeration known as the participial 
close. (See page 411.) 

The close of the letter is less difficult to plan than the open- 
ing, but it is at least as important. If the close fails to stimu- 
late action, the letter does not fulfill its mission. “The close 
should be positive. It should make action easy. 

The opening, then, gets the subject started, the middle 
develops the subject, and the close impresses it. 

6. Writing the letter—Now that the most important re- 
quirements of prevision have been satisfied, the mind is free 
to concentrate upon the problem of sentences and paragraphs. 
The material, sifted and arranged, is ready to be phrased. 
When the first draft is complete, it is laid aside for a few 
hours or, better, for a day. Then it is subjected to revision 
for correctness, compactness, character, and concreteness— 
essential qualities of business writing. The rules and prin- 
ciples governing these qualities are discussed in succeeding 
chapters. 





ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CONSTRUCTION 33 


Structural Units: Sentences and Paragraphs. 


In the process of planning the first draft, close attention 


should be given to the sentence and the paragraph as units of 


expression. ‘hese smaller units are to be adjusted carefully 
to the complete writing considered as an organic unit. Each 
sentence must be clear and attractive in itself and in relation 
to its neighbors. 

Sentence length and structure.—The sentence is the unit 
of construction. On it are based the paragraph and the writ- 
ing as a whole. The length and structure of sentences, which 
demand serious consideration, are determined, first, by the 
number and kind of ideas necessary for the adequate expres- 
sion of a single thought, and secondly, by the tone of the letter. 

It is a good rule to hold, in the main, to short sentences. A 
short sentence contains fewer than twenty words, and a very 


short one fewer than fifteen words. In sales letters, short 
sentences are the rule because they stimulate action. 


Just fill out the inclosed card and shoot it back (10). The “Long 
Wear” hose will come by parcel post (prepaid, of course) with no 
obligation to keep them (18). You can’t lose a penny (5). I’m the 
one who is asking to send them (9). Won’t you let me (4) ? 

Send the card now (4). Then sit back and watch results (6). 


Where house character is conservative, as in a bank or 
well-established business, slightly longer sentences are effec- 
tive. In the case of letters to professional men and women, 


where dignity and conservatism are important, longer sen- 
Waenices are preferable. (See letters in Chapter VII.) In 
adjustment and other routine letters, also, where force and 


stimulation are not the primary objectives, longer sentences 


are often necessary for careful exposition of the facts. 


Sentence length, then, is a matter of adaptation. The 
most suitable length is the one best adapted to reach the mind 


) and heart of the reader. 


Sentence structure is determined by the nature of the 


thought to be expressed and by the emotional effect desired. 





It is obvious that a simple sentence, which contains one inde- 


pendent subject and one independent predicate, is best suited 
to the expression of a simple thought: 


Your confidence in those “Long Wear’”’ silk socks is gratifying. 


34 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


A compound sentence, which contains two or more groups 
of words (of equal value) with one independent subject and 
one independent predicate in each group, is most effective for 
the expression of intimately related independent idea groups: 


You cannot carry around samples of safes, machinery, or pianos, but 
you can sell them from pictures. 


A complex sentence, which contains at least one group 
with one independent subject and predicate, to which is joined 
at least one dependent group with a subject and predicate, 
gives most accurate expression to a thought requiring careful 
shading of ideas (that is, containing qualifications or 
exceptions) : 


If the methods used in the collection letter offend the debtor to the 
extent that he is moved to protest, your position as creditor is, never- 
theless, strengthened, for you can refer to an assumed error, which, if 
persuasively put forward in connection with assurances of good will, not 
only conciliates him but also makes him more responsive to your collec- 
tion letter. 


The periodic sentence, in which the main thought is not 


completed until the period is reached, is best adapted to 


produce a dignified, conservative tone. 


In America, business life in the coming years can hardly be expected 
to offer so many easy roads toward business success as have appeared to 
the commercial wayfarer at every turn in years past. 


These and other sentence forms have been kept alive for 
generations because men have found that each in its own way 
most accurately reflects the writer’s thought. From the point 
of view of the average reader of business letters, simple and 
compound sentences are most effective since most minds are 
untrained and therefore incapable of following anything but an 
elementary train of thought. ‘The busy man, moreover, de- 
votes the minimum of time to his correspondence; consequently 
the writer does well to simplify his thought to assure quick 
understanding. ‘The complex sentence, on the other hand, 
because it permits careful adjustment and fine shading of ideas 


in their exact relationships, is better for a clear-thinking, edu- 


cated, and leisurely reader. | 
Variety in the length and structure of sentences is desirable 


aad a te 





eT <a I RT 7 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CONSTRUCTION 35 


because it relieves monotony and therefore makes the letter 
more pleasant to read. It is essential, also, for accuracy. A 
writer, for example, seldom thinks along the line of four or 
five consecutive compound thoughts. Obviously, then, a 
monotonous series of and and but sentences is certain to mis- 
represent the underlying thoughts. Thus variety, besides being 
necessary for tone, is essential also for accuracy. 

Sentences are clear in relation to one another if each sen- 
tence follows clearly from the one preceding and leads un- 
mistakably to the one following. When the connection 
between sentences is not immediately obvious, the writer can 
recast the sentence or use link words and phrases such as 
therefore, however, on the other hand, apparently then, and 
so forth. 

Paragraph length and structure.—The paragraph consists 
of a sentence or group of closely related sentences set off by 
indentation or double spacing. Although the paragraph is 
flexible as to length and structure, and therefore not subject 
to fixed rules, its uses are well defined. Broadly, it is a con- 
venient mechanical device to aid in securing clearness of 
impression (mind values) and the desired emotional reaction 
(tone values). These considerations are vital to the letter 
plan. 

By separating certain sentences from those that precede 
and follow, the writer makes certain that each thought group 
impresses itself as a unit upon the mind of the reader. Unless 
special considerations interfere, the number of paragraphs 1s 
determined by the number of steps leading the reader to the 
desired goal. This number does not always correspond to the 
main headings of the plan, but there are never fewer para- 


graphs than main headings. Compare the number of headings 


| 


in “Organizing letter data’”’ with the number of paragraphs 


in “Paragraph outline” (page 42). Whatever the num- 


| 





| 


furniture might be delayed on account of the embargo. The order 


ber, each paragraph in any type of letter should mark a defi- 
nite step forward. 
Paragraph structure depends upon the nature of the ma- 


terial to be organized. In a letter about a delay in the 
delivering of goods, time order is most suitable for the para- 
graph setting forth date material. 


Confusing: We notified you on January 18 that the shipment of your 


FS Rabi 


36 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


which you sent us on January 15 was received at our office on January > 
17. We were unable to make shipment until February 10. On Feb- 
ruary 12 we mailed you the bill of lading. 


Clear: The order which you sent us on January 15 was received at 
our office on January 17. We notified you on January 18 that the 
shipment of your furniture might be delayed on account of the embargo 
on everything but coal and foodstuffs. We were unable to make ship- 
ment until February 10. On February 12 we mailed you the bill of 
lading. 


Like the letter as a whole, the paragraph may be de- 
veloped deductively; that is, by beginning with a general state- 
ment and then bringing forward details and illustrations to 
convince the reader of the truth of this statement. ‘Thus the 
following paragraph begins with a general proposition. This 
is supported by details. 


Chicago territory is Chicago Tribune territory. ‘Through this one 
great newspaper you can reach and influence the tremendous buying 
power of five great states—lIllinois, Iowa, Indiana, Michigan, and Wis- 
consin. The 900,000 circulation of the Chicago Tribune literally 
blankets Zone 7. In Chicago and its suburbs The Tribune reaches an 
average of three out of every five families. In 137 cities of over 5000 
population outside of Chicago, The Tribune reaches %4 to 4 of all the 
families. In hundreds of smaller towns, served only by local weeklies, — 
The Chicago Tribune is the daily paper of the community. 


The reverse order, in which the writer begins with specific 
details and proceeds from these to the general statement, is 
often more striking. 


Recently a well-known manufacturer ran a full-page color adver- 
tisement in The American Weekly. He offered a sample of his product 
for twenty-five cents. Just five days after the advertisement appeared, 
he had received more than forty-five thousand quarters through the mail. 


Color advertising pays, and it pays best in the pages of The ane 
W eekly. 


Focusing the letter data on the statement of greatest im-— 
portance is to make use of the arrangement called climax. 


Drive up Riverdale Avenue from Spuyten Duyvil to Yonkers and 
you will pass through the length of it. Note its rugged beauty—note its 
lovely lawns and fields, its views of the lordly Hudson and the Palisades, — 
its hills, its dales, its lordly mansions of the Perkinses, the Morosinis, the — 
Delanelds the Dodges, the Babcocks, the Douglases, and the smalicn butil 


{ 
| 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CONSTRUCTION yi 


perhaps even more beautiful homes of the other leaders of wealth and 
fashion who make their abodes here. 

Then stop between Spuyten Duyvil Parkway and 250th Street (or 
come up Spuyten Duyvil Parkway from Broadway), and see the most 
beautiful spot in all Riverdale: 





| FIELDSTON 
Laid out and improved in medium and large building plots and arranged 
for the dwellings of people who can appreciate such things. 


The writer may well give thought to paragraph length 1 in 

its effect on the emotional reaction of the reader. It is pleas- 
ant to read a paragraphed letter because the paragraph rests 
‘the eye by breaking up the solid block occupied by the message. 
_ Paragraph length has a definite influence on the tone of 
‘the letter as a whole. Short paragraphs speed up the letter. 
‘They give it a brisk air. Longer paragraphs, on the other 
hand, retard speed by demanding a more deliberate reading. 
‘The principle of adaptation must determine whether a letter 
should have mainly long or short paragraphs. 
| It is hardly possible to overestimate the DISPLAY VALUE 
of the paragraph. The reader pauses slightly longer at the 
close of the paragraph than at the period after a sentence. 
‘Thus the short paragraph has attention value. By isolating 
an important sentence, the writer emphasizes it. In a series 
of one-sentence paragraphs, each sentence receives attention 
as an independent unit. Letter writers can learn much from 
Arthur Brisbane’s attractive editorials, which gain in clarity 
and force because of short paragraphs. Even in a letter 
where the long paragraph is used to reflect the main headings 
of the letter plan, an important sentence may be stressed by 
paragraphing it. 
In a carefully planned paragraph the reader cannot lose 
his way from sentence to sentence. It is, however, one thing 
for the writer to perceive connections; it is quite another to 
‘make the reader see them instantly. So it becomes the duty 
of the writer to externalize logical connection. Parallel 
‘structure, holding to the same point of view, and repetition 
of important words are aids to the reader. When these are 
not practicable, use link words and phrases. 














38 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


A representative list of connectives is given below. It is 
necessary to remember that they should not be used unless 
there is real need, for many links slow up the letter. As 
link words and phrases are not thought carriers, but merely 
fingerposts to guide the reader, they must always be among 
the first words of the sentence. They should, ordinarily, not 
be at the beginning, for they would there usurp an outstand- 
ing position to be reserved for emphasizing an important idea. 


Not: 


Thus, in the final analysis, quality is most important. 


It is better to say: 


Quality is thus, in the final analysis, most important. 


Link words and phrases.A—The following list is not ex- 
haustive. There are many similar words and phrases in the 
English language. Because of the wealth of words, there is 
no excuse for poor connections between sentences. 


First Although Quite as necessary 
Again He Not so obvious 
Further She Truly 
Furthermore It Surely 

Finally ? This Really 

Lastly That In truth 

Besides These In fact 
Moreover Those Certainly 

Next For this purpose Of course 
After To this end Naturally 

Too With this in view Indeed 

Then To bring about For example 
However Therefore For instance 
On the other hand Hence Indeed 
Notwithstanding Then Especially 

On the contrary Consequently At least 
Nevertheless Accordingly Specifically 

In spite of Equally important In particular 
Yet More effective At any rate. 


* Observe how link words and phrases are used in the closing paragraph 
of the chapter on the sales letter. 





ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CONSTRUCTION Sg 


Poor connection: 


We had to consider the size of the watershed near Genesee. It was 
necessary to take into account the number of chemical plants on this shed. 


| Better: 





We had, first, to consider the size of the watershed near Genesee. 
It was necessary, secondly, to take into account the number of chemical 


_ plants on this shed. 


| Better: 


We had to consider the size of the watershed near Genesee. It was 


| necessary, furthermore, to take into account the number of chemical 
_ plants on this shed. 


Example of Letter Planning. 


Problem.—Assume that you are president of a factory 
producing a well-known high-class automobile. You are re- 
sponsible for the successful operation of the large automobile 
plant and of the highly organized system of distribution 
through exclusive dealer agencies in the United States and 
Canada. Assume, furthermore, that you must meet the seri- 
ous difficulties caused by war conditions prevailing in August, 
1918. At this time the automobile industry faced the neces- 
sity of going on a 100 per cent war-work basis. Production 


_of cars had to give way to war work. Discuss the situation 
in a letter to the managers of your dealer organizations. 


Analyze the problem.—To solve the difficulties of the 


situation, the problem must be analyzed. 


1. To write: A letter informing dealers of the impending 
cessation of production. 

2. Purpose: Prevent the disintegration of the dealer 
organization. 

3. Given: Production must cease in order to make way for 
war work. } 

4. To persuade: That cessation of production does not 


force dealers out of business. (This, as the following analysis 


shows, is the corethought. ) 


Analyze the situation—Analysis of the situation reveals 
the following basic data: 


40 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


(a) Factory: (1) capital invested in the plant; (2) value of good 
will based on past performance of car; (3) War Industries Board 
demands 100 per cent war-work basis; (4) 2000 cars cancelled from 
production schedule; (5) 1900 cars left on production schedule; (6) 
restrictions on coal and materials tightened during past weeks; (7) car 
has established its position in the automotive industry; (8) factory organ- 
ization is patriotic and therefore willing to go on a war basis; (9) the 
war must be won at all costs; (10) nationwide dealer organization for 
distribution of a high-priced car; (11) an efficient organization like this 
not built in a day; (12) factory has had several prosperous years; (13) 
price of remaining 1900 cars raised at once; (14) production may drag 
into next year on these. 

(b) Dealers: (1) capital invested in the agency salesrooms, service 
stations, etc.; (2) good will based on service to the community; (3) 
War Industries Board has advised dealers to get on a war basis; (4) not 
more than three or four cars to a dealer during next six months or year; 
(5) automobiles now in use are essential to the speeding-up called for by 
the war program; (6) business in second-hand cars will develop; (7) 
dealer has service department that the government considers important. 


Harmonize factory and dealer.—The purpose of the letter 
is to find ways and means to preserve the dealer organization. 
Analysis of basic data is made, therefore, to discover a prac- 
tical plan for accomplishing this purpose. Analysis reveals 
several hopeful elements for the factory and for the dealer. 

Consideration of the factory point of view reveals (1) that 
the plant will be kept running by war work, and (2) that the 
car holds so high a place in public estimation that it will not 
suffer from being off the market during the remainder of 
the war. 

Consideration of the dealer’s needs reveals certain out- 
standing points. Although the future looks dark to the 
dealer because his source of supply is cut off, there are definite 
reasons for hope: (1) in the fact that cars now in use are 
necessary in the speeding-up called for by the war program; 


——— 


(2) in the consequent development of business in second-hand 


cars; and (3) in the increased work for service stations. 

The writer therefore reaches the sound conclusion that the 
dealer organization can be preserved and that it is worth 
while to urge a meeting of dealers at the factory, where they 
can confer together on the best plans. 


Organizing the letter data—To build up the corethought 
persuasively, the writer finds the structural units of the letter. 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CONSTRUCTION 41 







| Beginning.—The best point of contact is a frank state- 
/ ment concerning the ruling of the War Industries Board as 
it applies to factory and dealer. Such a statement immedi- 
ately makes the situation clear and prepares the dealer for 
what follows. 
| Middle.—Study of basic data indicates three groups of 
ideas. These constitute the logical units in the development 
of the corethought. 
| 1. The attitude of the factory organization toward the 
ruling that clears the factory for war work is thoroughly 
patriotic. The effect on production is that 2000 cars are 
cancelled from the production schedule, leaving 1900 cars, 
which will come through slowly and which will be raised in 
price immediately. 

2. The factory and dealers are in good shape for the 
change. Both have had several prosperous years. ‘The car 
will not suffer from being off the market temporarily. 

3. The difficulties for dealers are far from insurmount- 
-able: (a) used-car market will develop; (>) service will be 
increasingly demanded. 

End.—The letter comes to a significant close in the prac- 
tical suggestion of a dealers’ meeting at the factory to con- 
sider ways and means. 

Note that the foregoing analysis reveals five structural 
units. 

The letter was written as follows: 


————— 


August 21, 1918. 
Mr. Glad E. Winston, 
15 Burbage Place, 
Yourcity, New Jersey. 


Dear Sir: 

Things have been moving rapidly of late. 

As you know, the War Industries Board informed automobile manu- 
facturers of the necessity of getting on a 100 per cent war-work basis. 
The other day, also, the Board gave a hearing to the National Dealers’ 
Association, and, while no definite announcement was made, dealers were 
urged to get on a war basis. 


The Fernald Company believes that the War Industries Board is fully 
justified in its stand. Conserving the automobile industry is nothing 


42 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


compared to bringing the war to a rapid and satisfactory close. ‘The 
new draft is going to give all of us a deeper realization of the serious- 
ness of the job. 


With automobile production out of the way, thousands of men and 
acres of floor space and machinery will be released for war work. 


We have taken 2000 cars from our production schedule and have given 
the war work now in our plant the right of way over automobile pro- 
duction. There remain about 1900 cars which we will get out as fast 
as conditions permit. ‘This means that the 1900 cars will come through 
slowly and may string along into next year. Prices on these cars will 
be immediately advanced. 


To us the whole situation is a relief. Restrictions on coal and materials — 


for anything but war work are being rapidly tightened. We are glad, 
anyhow, to work 100 per cent for Uncle Sam, and feel that we can now 
put our full energy into the war business. In fact, it should be a great 
satisfaction to all automobile manufacturers to get in and help clean up 
the war job ahead of everything else. We believe that the industry and 
the dealer organizations are in good shape right now for the change. We 
have all had several prosperous years. 


The Fernald will not suffer. Its reputation is such that it can stay out 
of the market for the remainder of the war and come back strong when 
the war is over. 


The difficulties in the way of meeting the new conditions are far from — 


insurmountable. You have your service—that is important, and probably 
will be considered important by the Government, for it is recognized 


that the automobile is essential in the speeding-up called for by the new — 


and enlarged war program. Furthermore, no one can tell how the 
business in second-hand cars will develop. 


Would you favor a Dealers’ Conference at the factory early in September 


for the purpose of discussing the situation and giving dealers an oppor- 


tunity to confer together on the best plans? 


Yours very truly, 
THE FERNALD ComMPANY, 


President. 


Paragraph outline.—To test the letter for proper distribu- 


tion of material, sum up each paragraph in a short sentence. — 


Each paragraph is a logical unit if it can be summed up in a 


short, unified sentence. The arrangement of paragraphs is 


logical if the unity sentences show that the thought advances 
progressively from a clear opening to a significant close. 


So ' 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CONSTRUCTION 43 


1. Things have been moving rapidly of late. 

2. The War Industries Board has directed manufacturers and deal- 
ers to get on a war basis immediately. 
This action of the Board is approved by the factory. 
The Board’s ruling clears the factory for war work. 
The effect on production is immediate. 
The factory and the dealer are in good shape for the change. 
The car will not suffer from being off the market. 
The difficulties in the way of dealers are far from insurmountable. 
. Do you favor a dealer conference at the factory to consider ways 
and means? 


OMNIA NAW 


Criticism.—(1) The letter faces a disagreeable situation 
frankly. The writer makes the best of an awkward announce- 
ment. (2) The point of contact is brief and apt. It ties 
up with an important fact that was grimly obvious to all busi- 
ness men in August, 1918. (3) Consideration of the dealer 
motivates the selection and organization of details. The 
point of view is cheerful throughout. The spirit of co- 


operation permeates every paragraph: co-operation with the 
Government, and with the dealer. ‘The president turns dark- 
ness into light by definite suggestion of what the future holds 


for the dealer. The letter is, therefore, constructive. 
(4) The letter is clear, definite, and practical. Every sen- 
tence is clear in itself and clear in relation to its neighbors. 
The reader is comfortable throughout. (5) The nine para- 
graphs of this letter are attractive in their appearance on the 


letter sheet. ‘The compact paragraphs are inviting in size. 


There is also variety in length. ‘The sentences, likewise, show 


variety in structure and length, thus adding to the easy com- 
prehension of thought. (6) The letter moves to a significant 


close in the practical suggestion of a dealer conference. The 


letter thus stimulates action. This action clinches the core- 
thought, namely, that the dealer organization can be preserved, 
by taking the thought out of the realm of speculation into the 
world of action. (7) The language is simple, straightfor- 
ward, and dignified throughout. In place of flamboyant 


_words and phrases that suggest the insincere “spread-eagle”’ 
type of patriotism, the writer shows restraint in dignified 
_ phrases that reflect the seriousness of the situation for all con- 
cerned in the business of manufacturing and selling automo- 


| 





biles. (8) The writer meets the issue in substance, structure, 


44 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


and style. He satisfies the requirements of the War Indus- 
tries Board, and thus does his duty patriotically. He satis- 
fies the needs of his dealers, and thus does his duty in a busi- 
nesslike way. Foresight, vision, and keen penetration are 
revealed in the way he has analyzed present conditions and 
prepared for future contingencies. 


Exercises for Oral and Written Analysis. 


1. The following letters represent an expert statistician’s 
attempts to find the best approach to executives in the automo- 
tive industry. ‘The letter, which is designed to lead to an 
interview, aims to sell the writer’s expert knowledge of auto- 
mobile production. Instead of selling tangible goods, it sells 
service. In its final form, the letter was mailed to six of the 
most prominent executives in the automotive field, four of 
whom responded. 


First plan.— 
Facts Worth Knowing. 


If today you knew the answer to these questions, what would it be worth 
to you? 

What is the motor industry going to do next year? 

What are your sales going to be? . 

How many cars should each dealer sell? 

How many cars should be produced each month? 

How to remove the peaks and valleys from your production schedule. 
How to avoid over and under production. 

How to adjust your sales and production programs for the ups and 
downs before they occur. 

These and many other questions of vital importance to you can be 
answered with accuracy. 


Last year, upon my recommendation, the largest manufacturer of high- 
grade automobiles made a price reduction as a result of which they 
stopped a serious decline in sales and shrinkage in profits. 


This year, the largest manufacturer of steel window sash has, up to 
July 1, shown gross sales but 2 per cent at variance with what I told 
them a year before they would be. Similarly a large publishing house 
has shown a gross business so far this year less than 2 per cent at variance 
with my prediction made a year ago. 


How this has been done would take too long to describe in a letter. 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CONSTRUCTION 45 


I am now in a position to serve one or two more companies, as I have 
served the companies referred to above. 


Second plan.— 


If today you knew the answer to these questions, what would it be 
worth to you? 
What will the motor industry do in 1925? 
What should your sales be in 1925? 
How many cars should you produce, month by month, in 1925? 
How many cars should each of your dealers sell in 1925? 


With dependable answers to these questions in your hands now, would 
“you not be in a better position to remove the peaks and valleys from your 
production schedule, avoid both over and under production, and balance 
production against the ebb and flow of sales? 

‘In conjunction with the recent crude rubber survey made under the 
direction of Secretary Hoover, the writer made a supplementary survey 
“covering the yearly consumption of crude rubber by the automotive 
industry up to and including 1930. 

For several years the writer has specialized in forecasting the business 
trend in motors, and is now offering his services to a few manufacturers 
who believe that foresight is better than hindsight in meeting conditions 
facing the industry. 

Acting upon the writer’s recommendation, one of the largest car manu- 
-facturers made, in 1924, a price revision which materially strengthened 
its position in the industry. 

These principles, which have so successfully been applied to the auto- 
motive industry, can be applied also outside of the industry. Surveys of 
sales possibilities made at the beginning of this year for concerns in two 
entirely different industries, both far removed from the motor industry, 
have shown to date a variance of less than 2 per cent from actual sales. 
The above problems are unquestionably as important to you as they are 
to other executives. 

At your suggestion, the writer will gladly arrange for a discussion at 
length in your office, at your convenience. 





Third plan.— 


At this time of year, when the motor industry is formulating plans for 


1925, such questions as the following are doubtless prominently before 
you: 


What will the motor industry do in 1925? 
What should my sales be in 1925? 





46 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


How many cars should I produce, month by month, in 1925? 
How many cars should each of my dealers sell in 1925? 


With dependable answers to these questions in your hands now, will you 
not be in a better position to remove the peaks and valleys from your 
production schedule, avoid both over and under production, and balance 
production against ebb and flow of sales? 


At the request of Secretary Hoover, and_in conjunction with the recent 
crude rubber survey made under his direction, the writer made a supple- 
mentary survey covering the yearly consumption of crude rubber by the 
automotive industry up to and including 1930. 

Acting upon the writer’s recommendation, one of the largest car manu- 
facturers made, in 1924, a price revision which materially strengthened 
its position in the industry. 
The above problems are unquestionably as important to you as they are 
to other executives. 


At your suggestion, the writer will gladly arrange for a discussion at 
length in your office, at your convenience. 


The final plan.— 
(Heading) 
November 10, 1924. 
Mr. James Fullerton, 
President, Cadloc Company, 
Yourtown, Michigan. 


My dear Sir: 


At this time of the year, executives in the automotive industry are 
formulating their plans for 1925. They are endeavoring to solve a 
number of problems, some of which are: 


What is the motor industry going to do in 1925? 
What are my sales going to be in 1925? 
How many cars is each of my dealers going to take in 1925? 


At least these are basic problems upon which the solutions of many others 
depend. 


It is possible to determine not only how many cars you should produce 
in a year, but also how many cars you should produce each month, and 
how many cars each of your dealers should take each month. 


The solution of such problems as these has already been accomplished 
for several firms, with highly satisfactory results. In one case, the 
difference between the forecast and the actual sales for the first six 
months was less than 4 per cent. In another case, the difference for 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CONSTRUCTION 47 


eleven months was less than 2 per cent. If such results can be obtained 
for other firms, they can be obtained for you. 
Had such analyses been used by the motor industry during 1924, the 
decline of 20 per cent that occurred in the second quarter could have 
been foreseen and adjustments made for it. 
With dependable solutions of these problems in your hands now, will 
you not be in a better position to remove the peaks and valleys from 
your production schedule and balance production against the ebb and 
flow of sales? 
The writer is prepared to undertake the study of these problems as they 
affect your business. 
As he expects to be in Yourtown during the week of November 16, he 
would appreciate the opportunity of discussing the matter with you in 
detail. 

Very truly yours, 


2. Write a paragraph outline for each of plans 1, 2, 3, 
and 4. Use the model on page 43. Then point out specif- 
ically how each plan shows improvement over the preceding 
plan. Consider the following: 


(a) What questions were omitted from letter to letter? 
Why? 
(b) What objection is there to the heading in the first 


plan? | 


_ weak? 


(c) Precisely how is the whole opening of the first plan 


(d) Why was the phrasing of the opening in the first 


_ plan changed in the third plan? Why again in the final plan? 
_Is the final plan best? 


(e) What is gained by indenting the questions in the 


_ third and fourth plans? 


_ “At the request of Secretary Hoover,’ 


(f) Justify the omission of three paragraphs in the third 


plan. 


(g) Compare the sentence, in the third plan, beginning, 
’ with the sentence, in 


_ the second plan, beginning, ‘In conjunction with the recent 


crude rubber survey.’”’ Which sentence clearly reflects the 
thought? Why? 


(h) Point out why the material in the third paragraph 


_ from the end in the first plan and in the second plan is irrele- 
vant as it is phrased in these plans. 


48 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


(1) Point out specifically how the close in the fourth plan 
is more effective than that of the first plan. 

(j) Is the close of the second plan stronger than that of 
the first plan? Why? 

(k) Just how was the egotistic “I’’ attitude of the first 
plan changed to the more convincing “you” attitude in the 
fourth plan? 

(1) What is the corethought? State it in a sentence. 


3. Write a criticism of the final plan, using the model on 
page 43. 

4. Write a paragraph outline of the letter on page 324. 

5. Point out the correct procedure for finding the core- 
thought in the following problems, finding the corethought in 
each problem and phrasing it in a sentence: (a) Getting a 
man or woman to renew a magazine subscription. (b) Get- 
ting a business man, doctor, or lawyer to vote for a certain 
candidate. (c) Inducing a student to come to an important 
meeting. 

6. Find the structural units in the letter on page 302. Use 
the model on page 41. 

7. Extend the list of link words and phrases on page 38. 

8. In the letter on pages 190-191, compare the number of 
structural units with the number of paragraplis. Why the 
difference in number? What was gained by separating the 
material of paragraph 4 from that of paragraph 3? Why 
is the material of paragraphs 6 and 7 divided? 

9. Reparagraph the following sales letter to a super- 
intendent of schools. Give a specific reason for each new 
paragraph. Apply the principles discussed on pages 35-37. 


Dear Sir: 


Will your high-school building be complete without a cafeteria? Of 
course, you want the new school you are planning so carefully to be a 
complete unit in every particular. Cafeterias are being installed in 
schools throughout the country by men who have come to realize the 
many advantages of having suitable facilities for providing school 
lunches. Health is necessary to success. 


A strong physical body is the ideal home for the brain. A cold luncheon 
gulped down in some class-room corner is certainly not conducive to good 
digestion. ‘The result is a muddled brain for the greater part of the 
afternoon session. Neighborhood lunch rooms are often unsanitary, 





; 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CONSTRUCTION 49 


_and, being maintained for profit, they are likely to charge prohibitive 
| prices for the food which the student requires. Again, if left to his own 
_ judgment, the child will almost certainly eat an unbalanced ration, and 


_in many cases purchase food which is actually harmful to his growing 
_ body. By maintaining a carefully supervised lunch room, the students 


in your school will be able to obtain wholesome, nutritious food at prices 
they can afford to pay. A hot luncheon eaten in pleasant and sanitary 
surroundings is an important aid to the proper assimilation of food. 


_ Your position as superintendent of schools might be compared to that 


of the manager of a manufacturing plant. Both of you have the de- 
velopment of the efficiency of your workers at heart. Installation of 


lunch rooms is almost universal among factories. If warm, wholesome 


lunches increase the efficiency of factory employees, they will do so 
doubly in the case of adolescent youth in the school. We maintain a 
staff of engineers and draftsmen engaged in developing lay-outs, specifica- 
tions, and estimates for hundreds of school cafeterias throughout the 
country. The inclosed sheet is a model lay-out of a typical school 
cafeteria. We shall appreciate receiving a floor plan of the space you can 
devote to a cafeteria, with the idea of developing a lay-out for you 
especially suited to your needs. 


This service is without obligation, as we shall gladly give our personal 


attention to developing your individual problem. Mr. Dooling, our 
Chicago representative, will be in Lake View within the next fortnight 
and will be glad to call on you, at any time you suggest, to offer his 
personal co-operation in every way possible. A stamped envelope has 
been inclosed for your use in replying. 


Very truly yours, 


10. (a) What is the corethought in the previous letter? 
(b) What is the purpose of the letter? (c) Write a para- 
graph outline of the reparagraphed letter. (d) Find the 
structural units of the letter. (e) How does the number of 
paragraphs compare with the number of structural units? 

11. Arrange the following jumbled paragraphs in logical 
order. Explain how your arrangement makes reading easy 
and smooth. 


(1) By ordering now you obtain: 


(a) A special discount of $2.00. 

(b) The First Series of the Britannica Home University Reading 
Courses. 

(c) A handsome bookcase in mahogany finish, free. 


50 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


(d) The Encyclopedia Britannica, the world’s greatest storehouse 
of knowledge, in 16 double volumes at a saving of 46%. 

(2) Within the last eight months, 26,000 sets have been sold through- 
out the world. Less than 3,800 now remain to fill orders in this 
country. 

(3) Are you going to be one? 

(4) Action, therefore, is imperative, if you wish one of these fine sets. 

(5) Seize this opportunity now before it is too late. Remember—a 
first deposit of only $5.00 will bring the complete set to you. 

(6) We cannot reprint before autumn. Nobody knows whether it will 
be possible to renew the present offer at the same advantageous 
terms. 

(7) Just 3,790 people will be able to obtain the Encyclopedia Britannica 
in the New Form while the present offer lasts. 

(8) These orders are being received at the rate of more than 100 a day. 
The reader can calculate for himself how soon every set will be 
gone. 


12. (a) State the corethought of the preceding letter. 
Use a short sentence. (b) Using the model on page 41, 
write an analysis to indicate the structural units of the letter. 
(c) Why are there more paragraphs than structural units? 
Be specific. 

13. Paragraph the following letter, giving a specific reason 
for each paragraph. 


Dear Sir: 


In connection with your inquiry concerning policy 1985678, we are 
returning the annual premium receipt of January 27, which is valid. 
We have established a new district office at Dubuque, and as the terri- 
tory where you now reside is operated by that office, the policy has been 
transferred to it. Future premiums may be remitted to Superintendent 
C. Banes, 270 Main Street, Dubuque, Iowa. ‘That portion of your 
letter regarding the correct spelling of your name has been referred to 
another department for attention. You will hear from them in the 
course of a few days. 
Very truly yours, 


14. Study the paragraphing in the letters quoted on pages 
363-65 to determine whether long or short paragraphs pre . 
vail, and whether their use has a good‘or bad effect on the 
tone of the letter. 


CHAPTER III 


THE ESSENTIAL QUALITIES OF BUSINESS WRIT- 
ING: COMPACTNESS; CORRECTNESS 


Compactness and correctness are essential qualities of 
business writing. A compact and correct letter or report is 
easier to read than one containing flabby sentences, ungram- 
‘matical expressions, misspellings, illogical punctuation, and 
other violations of the mechanical rules of writing. Such 
errors not only put obstacles in the reader’s way, but they also 
reflect on the intelligence and general educational qualifica- 
tions of the writer. An inaccurately phrased letter or report 
-awakens the suspicion that the writer is likewise inaccurate 
‘in the analysis and presentation of underlying facts. Careful 
‘revision assures compactness and correctness in the mechani- 
cal details of expression. 


Compactness. 


Compactness is desirable for two reasons. It economizes 
‘time and brain energy. It adds force by concentrating 
attention. 

Compactness means the inclusion of essential material in 
the fewest words compatible with clearness and correctness of 
expression. A wordy passage reflects loose thinking; a com- 
pact passage, close thinking. No amount of condensation in 
words can compensate for incompleteness of thought. A 
‘compact sentence, therefore, is comprehensive: it concentrates 
‘the maximum of thought in the minimum number of words. 
By incorporating essential ideas only, compact writing cuts 
through non-essentials to vital data, the sentences being well- 
knit because they are packed with relevant details. The 
weekly Ayer advertisements on the front covers of Printers’ 
Ink are examples of brevity combined with completeness. 
These advertisements are models of compression. ‘They are 
large in scope and contents, but small in space. Not one 

5I 


52 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


word can be omitted without detriment to the thought, as in 
the following: 


Tea appeals to the balmy side of man. It has a friendly habit of 
adjusting his moods with all the graciousness of a southern breeze. 

In the Tetley Tea copy appearing now, Tetley’s breezes into a man’s 
mind at its southern exposure. Catches him drowsy on the sun-porch 
of a mood when he doesn’t want to be argued with or made to think. 
Its great bell of a word, Tetley’s, booms at him in big display. And 
little pithy phrases chime in with suggestions of bracing Tetley goodness. 

In advertising there are north-northeast and south-southwest expos- 
ures too. Experience has taught Advertising Headquarters how to box 
the compass of appeal. 


Flabby sentences are the curse of business writing. The 
spendthrift of words buries thought in a bog of verbiage, to 
the mystification and disgust of the reader. Hence, capable 
writers avoid surplusage. ‘The watchword of business men 
has ever been, ‘‘Be brief.”’ 


Flabby: (1) The ordinary table salt you have been using, which 
does not pour out of the-shaker on damp and rainy days, absorbs such 
an excessive amount of moisture from the air that it becomes sticky. 
(2) Unlike the ordinary run of table salts sold in the retail stores of the 
country, Blank’s salt, we are proud to state, does not absorb sufficient 
moisture to make it sticky. (3) Blank’s salt, which you can now 
purchase everywhere as conveniently as the inferior common salt, is, 
we wish to assure you, delightfully different from ordinary table salts 
in that it pours as easily and readily on damp days as on dry days. 

Compact: (1) Ordinary table salt does not pour on damp days 
because excessive absorption of moisture makes it sticky. (2) Unlike 
ordinary table salt, Blank’s does not absorb enough moisture to make it 
sticky. (3) Blank’s salt is delightfully different. (4) It pours as 
readily in damp as in dry weather. 


In less than fifty words the compact form expresses the 
central thought clearly and forcefully, whereas the flabby 
version buries the thought in over one hundred words. More 
than fifty of these are a drag on the thought. They are 
surplusage. 

Analysis shows that the writer of the wordy passage has 
not planned his paragraph. In a muddled sentence he does 
finally reach the significant point at the close. He arrives, 
but by devious ways. Not one of his three sentences ap- 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—COMPACTNESS 53 


proaches the central thought directly. The reader is re- 
peatedly led into byways, as, for example, in the phrases, 
you have been using, from the air, run of, which do not add 
either clearness or interest. Observe, on the other hand, the 
clear-cut third and fourth sentences of the compact version. 

The first paragraph is weighted, furthermore, with 
gratuitous phrases like we are proud to state, or we wish to 
assure you, which contribute nothing to the progress of 
thought. The suggestion, moreover, which you can now pur- 
chase everywhere as conveniently as common salt, is irrelevant; 
and what is equally unfortunate, it is vague. Note also the 
wordy habit of using couplets, illustrated in the unnecessary 
repetition of ideas in damp and rainy and easily and readily. 

Compactness, then, is as much a problem of clear-cut think- 
ing as of effective phrasing. The old proverb tells us that 
brevity is the soul of wit, and here wit means intellect. The 
mind that firmly grasps the central thought together with its 
supporting ideas, inevitably limits expression to vital words 
and phrases. 

In attempting to gain compactness, however, some mis- 
guided writers eliminate words essential to the smooth flow 
of thought. When correctness is violated through omission 
of indispensable words, the result is crude brevity, but not 
compactness. Tortured English results from over-abbrevia- 
tion, as in the following illustration: 


Bad: Your folders received from print shop this morning and have 
forwarded same. Regret delay, but did best possible under circum- 
stances. (This reads like a telegram.) 

Better: We received your completed order for 100,000 folders from 
the print shop this morning. ‘The shipment is already on its way to 

_ you via Merchants’ Dispatch. “The slight delay has annoyed us, and we 
_ know it has you. 


The practice of composing pithy advertising catches in 
imitation of age-old proverbs or modern advertising slogans 
reveals how force may be gained through compact phrasing. 
The successful slogan is a highly condensed statement of the 
central selling point. The aim is to compress a sales thought 
into a suggestive phrase or sentence. Contrast, for example, 
this forceful salt slogan with the forms on page 52. 


Morton’s Salt. When it rains it pours. 





54 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


There is likewise a vast difference between the two statements 
below. Had Franklin stated his thought as in the first ex- 
ample, it would never have been accepted by the masses as a 
proverb. 


Diffuse: If a man would only give heed to the small daily expendi- 
tures, he would not complain of quickly spending his handsome income. 
Forceful: Many a small leak has sunk a great ship. 


Gain force by placing the most important ideas at the 
beginning and end. ‘These outstanding positions arrest atten- 
tion. Avoid the inconspicuous middle positions. 


Weak: An improved attachment, the Blank Crystal Set, which will 
assure you clear and loud tones, is sold by all radio dealers. 

Forceful: The improved Blank Crystal Set, on sale at all radio 
stores, assures clear, loud tones. 


Avoid colorless sentence openings. 


Weak: There is nothing to equal Cup Tires for endurance, freedom 
from punctures, for the things a cyclist wants most from his tires. (The 
“there is” opening is ineffective.) 

Strong: For endurance and freedom from punctures—for the things 
a cyclist wants most from tires—no tires can equal Cup Tires. (Here 
“endurance” and ‘‘Cup Tires’ are stressed. ) 

Strong: For freedom from punctures, for endurance—for the things 
a cyclist wants most—there is nothing to equal Cup Tires. (Here free- 
dom from punctures and Cup Tires are stressed. ) 


Words of direct action add force. 


Weak: You are requested to mark all future orders for the attention 
of Mr. E. F. Walling, whose duty it is to see that your needs are 
promptly taken care of. 

Stronger: Please mark every future order for the attention of Mr. 
E. F. Walling, who will take care of all your needs promptly. 


Mechanical helps.—1. Reduce predication. Avoid un- 
necessary verbs. 


Weak: Did you ever stop to think of the romance that may be found 
in the furniture you see each day? 

Compact: Did you ever think of the hidden romance in your 
furniture? 


2. Adjectives and adverbs often weaken the words they 
are meant to strengthen. 





ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—COMPACTNESS 55 


W eak: Without the sympathetic sales manager’s helpful aid, the road 
salesman’s job is altogether cheerless. 
Compact: Without the sales manager’s sympathetic backing, the road 


salesman’s job is cheerless. 


3. Condense a phrase or a clause into a forceful predicate. 


Weak: In the inclosed folder, which pictures this chair, you may see 


| ats many unusual features. 


Compact: The inclosed folder pictures the many unusual features 
of this chair. 


4. Avoid unnecessary repetition of ideas (tautology). 


W ordy: Time and money are of equal value to the modern business 
man of today. 
Compact: Time and money are equally valuable to the modern 


| business man. 


5. Avoid logically superfluous words (pleonasm). 


Clumsy: He took work along the lines of advertising. 

Compact: He took work in advertising. 

Better: He studied advertising. 

Clumsy: We would appreciate it if you would make a prompt 


- remittance. 


Compact: We shall appreciate a prompt remittance. 


6. Do not bury your thought in a mass of useless words. 


Messy: We wish hereby to let you know that we fully appreciate 
the confidence you have reposed in us. 

Better: We appreciate the confidence you have placed in us. 

Manly and businesslike: We appreciate your confidence in us. 


7. Do not weaken your statement by using many words 
when one word conveys the idea clearly and forcefully. 


Confusing: We should like to notify you that a careful scrutiny of 


_ our books brings to our attention no record of such an order as you say 
in your letter of the 15th ult. you favored our firm with. (This sen- 
_ tence is unnecessarily difficult to read because the essential thought is 


buried in a mass of verbiage. The words we find, used below, ade- 
quately convey the idea of the italicized words. ) 
Compact: We find no record of your order of July 15. 


56 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


8. Condense a phrase or a clause into a word. 


W ordy: The folder which is inclosed will give you an idea of the 
construction of this boiler. 

Compact: The inclosed folder gives you an idea of the construction 
of this boiler. 


9. Will and would often weaken the sentence, especially 
when the future tense is not intended. ‘The sentences in the 
preceding paragraph illustrate this fault and its correction. 


W eak: Customers will sometimes get a false impression . 
Strong: Customers sometimes get a false impression . 


10. Which and that are not always necessary for clear- 
ness and accuracy. Omit them when the connection is clear 
without them. 


W ordy: We are writing to ask whether the domestic science table 
which we shipped you on April 10 is the exact type of table which you 
need for your purposes. 

Compact: We are writing to ask whether the domestic science table 
shipped to you on April 10 is the exact type you need. 


Compactness is relative. There can be no absolute stand- 
ard. A business letter that is compact (brief but complete) 
for one reader is not necessarily so for another. A letter to 
a banker or farmer may be longer, and still be compact, than 
a letter to a person accustomed to quick decisions. A nimble 
wit demands great compression; a slow-going, conservative 
mind needs additional matter on which to base a decision. 
What the cautious reader may justifiably condemn as ineffec- 
tive lack of completeness, the impulsive reader may never- 
theless praise as commendable brevity. 

The alert business man, for example, who is crowded for 
time and accustomed to quick decisions, insists on short letters. 
Fe will not read, ordinarily, a letter of more than one page. 
The farmer, on the other hand, who is likely to sit down with 
his mail after the chores are done, willingly reads a letter of 
two or three pages. Letters to him are necessarily longer 
because he is not accustomed to quick decisions. The addi- 
tional evidence required to influence his choice of product 
makes longer letters imperative. 

Abraham Lincoln, when asked the proper length of a 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 57 


man’s legs, replied that a man’s legs, in his judgment, should 
be just long enough to reach to the ground. The moral, as 
applied to the use of English, is obvious. The writer must 
use just the right number of words to convey his thought. 
He must not use fewer words, or there is a gap in the thought 
or thought sequence. He must not use more words, or the 
thought, imbedded in useless words, is hard to find. 


Correctness. 


Correctness is a humble but indispensable quality of style. 
Correctness has to do with details governed by established 
rules and well-defined conventions. As applied to business 
correspondence, sych details involve not only the physical 
make-up of the letter, but also the mechanics of expression. 

Language, it will be recalled, is a medium for conveying 
thought. Like window glass, language, at its best, is so trans- 
parent that the reader perceives the thought but is not aware 
of the language. Like flaws in glass, errors in expression pre- 
vent clear and easy perception. It is thus necessary to remove 
all obstacles that make the reader uncomfortable. When the 
medium is faulty or diverges noticeably from conventional 
practice, the mind is drawn from contents to expression. Such 
a shift is fatal to the success of the message. 

Correctness is concerned, first, with the physical make-up 
of the letter. Physical make-up includes choice of paper 
stock, size of sheet, printed letterhead, and the headings of 
the letter, with their arrangement—in fact all details in- 
volved in the distribution of material on the sheet. Because 
letter form has been standardized to the point where it is 
conventional and therefore unobtrusive, departures from the 
most widely approved layouts distract the reader. Correct- 
ness, as a result, forbids novel departures from conventional 
usage. The correct form of the letter in all its parts is ex- 
plained and illustrated in Chapter V. 

Correctness, secondly, demands strict observance of rules 
that control mechanical details of expression. Errors in spell- 
ing, punctuation, capitalization, grammar, and sentence struc- 
ture make the reader uncomfortable because they use up 
energy that should be directed to the contents. For the very 
reason that violation of correctness usually involves elementary 


58 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


mistakes, incorrectness creates a decided negative impression, 
Elementary errors suggest that the writer is illiterate or that 
he is careless, with the result that the reader loses respect for 
him and may even doubt his ability to handle the more impor- 
tant matters in a business transaction. 

Misspelled words, which are always irritating, may lead to 
costly inaccuracies, as in the case of the credit man who by 
letter asked another credit man for a statement concerning 
a third person’s financial standing and responsibility. The 
credit man could not reply because he was out of town, but 
a subordinate sent the following memorandum: “Note good 
for any amount.” Later, after unfortunate experiences with 
the new customer, the intended meaning was discovered: “Not 
good for any amount.” 

The business man cannot, and in fact will not, take time 
to puzzle out the meaning of an obscure letter He will not 
exert the extra mental effort required to understand an incor- 
rectly expressed message. What, for example, did the real 
estate man mean when he wrote to a prospect, ‘‘On this farm 
there is also a crick.”’ Considerable patience and ingenuity 
are required to discover that he meant a brook (creek). 

To command respect, the letter must be clear; to be clear, 
the expression must, first of all, be correct. Determine 
whether the following letter makes a favorable or an untavor- 
able impression: 


Replying to your of 13th inst. inclosing samples of Bleached goods, the 
26¢ goods could not use it is to open a mesh and to light weight, 


On the Triangle piece at 16¢ we are purchaseing large quanteties of 
good as good and some better then this at 12.14¢ and if you really want 
to do some business you will have to make us prices so we can buy from 
you at same prices as we can get goods close at hand, we want to do 
some business with you and would like to awful well, but let us get 
togeather like business men, etc. 


The finer qualities of style—especially character, ccn- 
creteness, and cheerfulness—-are impressive in proportion to 
the care with which the writer obeys the rules and conventions 
governing the correct use of language. He can make a favor- 
able impression if his reader is not irritated by troublesome 
grammatical errors. Because the higher qualities cannot be 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 59 


employed effectively unless the language is first of all correct 
in mechanical details, the following paragraphs deserve care- 
ful attention. They present fundamental rules established by 
good usage and respected by successful writers everywhere. 


A. Correctness in Words. 


Just as ideas are the raw material of thinking, so words 
are the raw material of the thought units called sentences. 
In oral and written expression, words are the symbols of 
ideas; they are tangible evidence that a man has material for 
thought. It is, therefore, plain self-deception to say that one 
knows what he wishes to say but that he cannot find words to 
express himself. For the purposes of communication, at 
least, one does not know, except in a vague wistful way, until 
he is in possession of the symbol that exactly represents his 
idea. It follows that a sentence is as weak, colorless, and 
commonplace, or, on the other hand, as strong, vivid, and 
original, as the ideas on which it is based. A good sentence 
cannot be made from a poor quality of raw materials. 

Increasing your vocabulary.—Growth in power of ex- 
pression requires a steadily increasing vocabulary. ‘The fund 
of workable ideas can be enlarged only through the acquisi- 
tion of new words. Every man has three vocabularies of 
varying size. ‘The largest and least precise vocabulary he 
uses when he reads. ‘The second vocabulary, used in writing, 
is less extensive. [he third, used in speaking, is still more 
limited. His aim should be to gain power by transferring 
words from the inactive reading vocabulary to the active writ- 
ing and speaking vocabularies. In place of being content with 
a vague impression, look up every new word in a reliable 
dictionary, noting its spelling, pronunciation, and exact mean- 
ing. Lhen use the word in writing or speaking. After you 
have spoken or written a word three times, it is yours forever. 
You have added a new idea to your equipment. This pro- 
cedure, which has been found universally effective, is essential 
for steady progress in power of expression. 

Qualities of words.—To have proper words in proper 
places, the careful writer observes certain well-defined stand- 
ards. First, words should be adapted to the reader. Be- 
cause most readers have a limited vocabulary, simple words 


60 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


are safest. Secondly, to assure an accurate impression, every 
word must be tested for precision. Thirdly, as the effective- 
ness of the letter is weakened by the use of a single word 
carrying an unfortunate suggestion, every word should be 
tested for force. Lastly, to insure conformity with approved 
usage in present-day English, words should be tested by the 
standards of good usage. 

Precise words——The precise word conveys the writer’s 
meaning exactly. In every case, one word, above all others 
in the language, is the exact symbol of the idea or fact to 
be impressed upon the reader. Knowing precisely what shade 
of meaning he wishes to convey, the writer does not rest until 
he has found the right word. Certainly, he cannot be satisfied 
with an approximate word. Ina wordy sentence, weak words 
betray loose habits of thinking. The writer of the following 
sentence was not certain whether water was “decomposed” 
or “separated”: 


Water can be separated or decomposed into its elements. 


It is poor policy to fill your gun with shot in the hope that 
one will hit the mark. In place of the old blunderbuss, which 
scattered the shot, use a rifle and make a clean hit. 

To use proper words in proper places, the writer must 
know the fine shades of meaning among the members of a 
family of words. If he means works he should not dictate 
plant. Does he mean factory, manufactory, mill, workshop, 
shop, forge, smithy, bloomer? ‘The dictator, furthermore, 
must be conscious of the different shades of meaning expressed 
by the following synonyms of worker: laborer, toiler, artificer, 
artisan, craftsman, handicraftsman, wright, mechanic, mecha 
nician, operative. If he uses words that refer to mechanica 
contrivances, he should know the exact meaning of machine 
mechanism, contrivance, device, apparatus, attachment, acces 
sory. A good plan is to draw up lists like these, and ther 
attack a dictionary and a book of synonyms. (See list 0} 
reliable books and dictionaries in a short bibliography at thi 
close of the book.) The results will be useful and interesting 
because as the writer sharpens his understanding of the exac 
meaning of words that are similar yet different, he feel 
increased power in expression. 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 61 


Suggestive words.—Plain accuracy is sufficient in a routine 
letter stating facts. ‘The literal impression is, however, not 
‘sufficient if the reader needs to be persuaded. Not to speak 
of sales letters, there are still adjustment, service, and credit 
letters, the aim of which is to stimulate action. One poorly 
chosen word strikes a false note and spoils the tone of such 
a letter. In addition to precision, then, the suggestiveness of 
words demands consideration. A word can be precise and 
suggestive too. 

The coldly correct word is not always attractive. When- 
ever possible, add interest to accuracy by using suggestive 
words. Make the letter human by an appeal to the heart 
as well as to the mind. This can be done by the choice of 
‘concrete, specific, figurative words. ‘This sentence is clear: 


Tydol gasoline will increase the power of your motor on hills that 
slow up other cars. 


The following sentences are equally clear, and vivid words 
add force to clearness: 


Steep hill ahead! A twister too! Down goes the accelerator. You 
liberate the greyhound speed and supple power of Tydol. The speedom- 
eter whirls. 

 _Halfway up—Gear shifters in front of you, gear shifters to right of 
you, clashing and chugging and falling behind. 

| Over the top—You skim over in high with power to spare. That’s 
'Tydol power—the power that comes from the famous economical 15 to 1 
‘mixture. 


In the foregoing sentences, figurative words, in addition 
‘to making the reader understand, make him see and feel. 
_They are impressive because they are precise in the sugges- 
tion of pleasant associations. 

Good usage.—Whatever the words chosen, they must con- 
form to good usage. ‘To satisfy the standards of good usage, 
words must be in reputable, national, and present use. 

Reputable words.—Reputable words are words in good 
‘standing among recognized writers and speakers. By this 
‘test there are four classes of words: (1) literary, (2) col- 
jloquial, (3) slang, and (4) vulgar. Literary and colloquial 
‘words are reputable. Literary words are appropriate in 
formal writing. Colloquial English frequently supplies an 


62 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


informal equivalent, appropriate in conversation and friendly 
letters. 


Formal: I informed him of the increase in sales. 
Informal: I told him about the increased sales. 


Informal phrases are preferable in almost any kind of 
business writing. The student should certainly get out of 
the habit of using stilted English. 

Slang is not always reputable. As slang expressions are 
often vulgar, it is unwise to use them. ‘ine habitual use of 
slang indicates a cheap and flashy attitude that reflects on the 
character of the writer and certainly on the house he repre- 
sents. The habitual use of slang, moreover, weakens a 
writer’s ability to phrase fine shades of meaning. Slang also 
blurs distinctions. Take, for example, a word that was na- 
tionally used fifteen years ago: “stung.” It was employed 
on every important and trivial occasion to indicate disap- 
pointment. ‘To allow such a word to stand for five or six 
more accurate words is to weaken one’s power of precise 
expression. In the same way, the feminine word “‘nice”’ indi- 
cates anything agreeable or pleasant from a box of sweets to 
a muscular full-back on a college football team. ‘The mascu- 
line word “‘fine,” good enough for superficial intercourse on 
the street, as in the vague greeting, “Fine morning,” cannot 
be used to cover the many shades of approval that must be 
more accurately portrayed in a carefully planned business 
letter. The use of such words as “‘nice” and ‘‘fine’’ indicates 
a poorly stocked vocabulary. 

A single slang word in a letter otherwise expressed in im- 
maculate English is sometimes very effective; but the writer 
must be conscious of what he is doing and able to defend 
himself if criticized for using that word. 

It is, furthermore, unwise to dip too far down into the 
very informal language of conversation. Although the letter 
should not be stiff, the language must not be “‘common,” as 
for example: 


You can get me on the ’phone any time mornings. 


Write instead, with equal informality, but with less sugges- 
tion of the “low” colloquial: 


You can reach me by telephone at any time during the morning. 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 63 


On the other hand, avoid pretentious words calling attention 
to themselves instead of to the underlying meaning: 


Our compensation, if that part of the bargain interests you, is the 
hope that in you we shall have added one more unit to the body of in- 
formed opinion upon which the solution of the mighty problems of this 
generation so utterly depends. 


This. might be attractive to a restricted class of magazine 
readers. In general, however, simple expressions are always 
safer, and more effective. 

National words.—A word must be in national use, that is, 
understood throughout the United States. In the dictionary, 
words peculiar to a section of the country are marked Provin- 
cial, Local, or Western. Expressions commonly used only in 
New England, Pennsylvania, or the South should be avoided in 
general correspondence. In the same way, words used only 
by certain groups of professional men or skilled workmen 
should not be used unless the writer is certain that the reader 
belongs to the group from the lingo of which selections are 
being made. Such occupational words, proper enough, for 
example, in a letter from one civil engineer to another, or 
from one lawyer to a fellow practitioner, should be strictly 
avoided in ordinary correspondence. Foreign words are al- 
lowable only in letters dealing with dress goods, toilet articles, 
and other commodities with an appeal to men and women 
of fashionable tastes. 

Modern words.—Words, finally, should be in present use. 
Avoid words marked Obsolete, Obsolescent, or Archaic in the 
dictionary. Such words are no longer employed in carrying 
on the affairs of men. ‘They have gone out of use. ‘The mere 
fact that Shakespeare used a word is no criterion of its present 
standing. Many expressions peculiar to his and later genera- 
tions are no longer current. 

A word or phrase is not in good present use if it is hack- 
neyed. Mummified words and phrases are to be avoided 
like the plague. Mechanical locutions, like the following, 
are never used by writers who think while they compose: 


Your favor of the 20th instant. . . . Your esteemed favor of the 
3d ult. . . . We beg to state that in reply to yours of. . . . We beg to 
acknowledge yours of the. . . . Referring to yours of even date... . 
We are inclosing herewith. . . . Hoping to hear from you, we are... . 


64 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Time-worn expressions stifle character. Because they are 
mechanical, they show lack of consideration for the reader. 
Frequently they violate correctness. They are blacklisted be- 
cause they can never breathe an atmosphere of cheerfulness, 
nor have they the vitality to carry conviction. The following 
list is not exhaustive. 

Advise, as used by the average writer in his business letters, 
is not only hackneyed but incorrect. It is one thing to say, 
“Please advise me what to do,”’ and another to say, “Advise 
me what you have done.” ‘The first use of the word is correct. 
The second is an incorrect substitution for “tell.” 

At your convenience is hackneyed and often superfluous. 
When the time element is important, specify it naturally and 
specifically. 


Weak: We expect a remittance at your earliest convenience. 
Natural: We expect a remittance by an early mail. 
Definite: We expect a remittance within ten days. 


Beg, if it suggests anything, pictures the writer on one 
knee before the customer. Avoid locutions such as beg to 
advise, beg to state, beg to inform, beg to acknowledge. 


Contents carefully noted is not only trite but also vague. 


Weak: Your letter received and contents carefully noted. 
Definite: We have carefully checked all the items in your order letter 
of August 15. 


Esteemed should be avoided even where genuine esteem 
is intended. 


Bad: We beg to acknowledge your esteemed favor of the 12th ult. 

Bad: We thank you for your esteemed favor of January 12. 

Vital: We wish to tell you how much we appreciate your letter of 
January 12. (The foregoing modern equivalent is always to be pre- 
ferred.) 


Favor is naturally used when it indicates that a courtesy 
has been extended. It is, perhaps, best, however, to avoid the 
word entirely. 


Trite: In reply to your favor of October 10 we beg to advise your 
order is being promptly filled. 

Better: We are glad to state in answer to your letter of October 10. 
that your order is being filled promptly. 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 65 


Herewith is tautological with inclosed. 


Weak: We are inclosing the sample herewith. 
Better: We are inclosing the sample. 


In re is always out of place in any letter. Use concerning. 


Inst., the abbreviation of instant, is incorrect. Always use 
‘the exact date. 


Bad: We acknowledge yours of the 10th inst. 
Better: Thank you for your letter of April 10. 


Milady is not only hackneyed, but also hopelessly vulgar. 


Per and as per are correctly used with Latin words: 
‘per annum,” and “per diem.’”’ However, write “5 cents the 
copy,’ or “28 cents the yard,” or “$3,000 a year.” 

Recent date is vague and unbusiness-like. ‘To make ref- 
‘erence easy, use the exact date. 


Bad: We acknowledge yours of recent date, in which. . . 
Better: We are glad to acknowledge your letter of November 10 in 
twhich ... 


Reply suggests argument. Response is preferable. 


We are glad to state in response to your letter of February 10... 


Same should never be used in place of a pronoun. Use it, 
they, them, etc. 


Bad: Fill out the property form and return same to us. 
Better: Please fill out the property form and return it to us. 


Ult. is never used. 


Bad: Yours of the 25th ult. received. 
Better: We have received your letter of November 20. 


Neologisms, or new words which have not established 
themselves, are likewise contrary to good present usage. 
Abbreviations like ad for advertisement, for instance, are not 
approved. Furthermore, the careful writer does not use 
nouns as verbs, or verbs as nouns unless usage allows. The 
following words are not approved: 


He suspicioned that it was true. 
_ He glimpsed the design in your catalogue, 


66 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 
A good rule to follow is Pope’s: 


Be not the first by whom the new are tried, 
Nor yet the last to lay the old aside. 


Misused Words and Phrases. 


Certain words are often incorrectly used because of con- 
fusion resulting from similarity: (1) in spelling; (2) in mean- 
ing. The following list deserves careful attention. 

A, an. Although a is regularly used before words beginning 

with a consonant, and an before words beginning with a 

vowel, certain words written with an initial vowel are in 


reality pronounced as though beginning with a consonant, 
with the result that a and not an is used. 


Correct: a one-man business, a union suit, a university. 
Already (by this time). Already must never be written when 
the writer means all ready (wholly ready). Compare 


also, altogether and all together. 
Almost, most. 


Correct: Almost all the salesmen were present. (Never most all.) 
Correct: Most of the salesmen were present. 


As... as is less emphatic than so... as in negative 
statements: 


Correct: This window display is not so attractive as the last one. 


As, like. Use as when a verb follows (implied or expressed). 


Correct: Write this exactly as I dictated it. 
Correct: It looks as though Brown is going to visit us. 
Correct: He dictates as I do. 


When no verb follows, use like. 


His dictation is like mine. 


Between, among. Between refers to two only. Among re- 
fers to more than two. 
But that is often wrongly used for that. 


Correct: We do not doubt that you sent the message, 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—-CORRECTNESS 67 


But what is often erroneously used for that, but that, and so 


forth. 


Correct: We have no doubt that he will attend. 

Correct: I am not sure but that his judgment is good. 

Correct: There is no salesman who does not make (not: but what 
makes; not: but who makes) mistakes in judgment. 

Correct: He included nothing but what (equivalent to but that 
which) was important. 


Can, may. Can denotes ability or power. May denotes per- 
mission. Never dictate can for may. 
Data. ‘This word denotes more than one. 


Correct: These (not: this) data are (not: is) reliable. 


Deal. Avoid this word. It is a vulgar substitute for agree- 
ment, arrangement, transaction. 


Differ from, differ with. 


Correct: My sales campaign differs from (is unlike) yours in three 
ways. 

Correct: I differ with you (disagree with you) as to the advisa- 
bility of buying in quantities. 


Different from. This is the correct form (not: different than). 
Different indicates that the distinction is one of kind 
(from), never one of degree (than). 

Disinterested, uninterested. Disinterested means impartial. 
Uninterested means not interested. 


Wrong: The customer was disinterested. 
Right: ‘The customer was uninterested. 


Don’t, doesn’t. Don’t, an abbreviation of do not, must not be 
used with he or other words in the singular number. 


Incorrect: He don’t (do not) respond to our letters. 
Correct: He doesn’t (does not) respond to our letters. 


Each other, one another. These two expressions are not in- 
terchangeable. Each other is correct when each member 
stands in a definite relation to every other member. 


Correct: The merchants decided to stand by each other. 
Correct: Changes in shoe styles are rapidly following one another 
| (not: each other). 


68 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Affect, effect. Affect is not a noun. 
Correct: The climate affected (influenced) his health. 


Correct: The new manager effected (brought about) changes in the | 


office routine. 


Fewer, less. Fewer refers to number. Less refers to amount 
or degree. 


Correct: You shipped fewer lamps than we ordered. 
Correct: Less capital is necessary for this project. 


Gents. A vulgar abbreviation of gentlemen. 
Got. Got is always preferred. Do not, however, use got 
with have or has to indicate mere possession. 


Wrong: Have you got the address in question? What has the 
address got to do with it? 

Right: Have you the address in question? What has the address 
to do with it? 


Got means secured; has got means has secured. 


Correct: He has got the order from Brown. 
Correct: Miss Vernon has got the letter from the filing room. 


Healthy, healthful. Healthy means state of health; healthful 
means conducive to health. Avoid healthy when recom- 
mending food products. Write wholesome or healthful. 


Correct: Healthful (or wholesome) food makes healthy youngsters. 
Imply, infer. Imply is correctly used to denote something 
suggested, assumed, or vaguely expressed. 


Correct: Your statements imply that I am trying to evade payment. 
(The writer is the agent.) 


Infer is correctly used to mean draw from, deduce from, gather 
from, or conclude from. (The reader is the agent. ) 
Correct: I infer from your letter that you cannot grant an extension 

of credit. 

In, into. Use in to express location (the place where). Use 
into to express motion from one place to another. 


Correct: Did you put that Wilson letter into the files? 
Correct: The Wilson letter is in the files. 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 69 


Certain established phrases retain in when motion is indicated: 
fall in line, split in two, put in shape, and so forth. 

Its, it’s. To indicate possession use its. It’s is the contraction 
of it is. 

Kind, sort. Always dictate: 
This kind of shoe (that kind of silk) is in vogue. 
Those kinds of silks are in vogue. 

Kind of, sort of should not be followed by a or an. 
Correct: What sort of man is he? 


Do not use kind of or sort of for rather. 
Correct: I rather (not: sort of) think he will be a good customer. 
Lay, lie. Lay means to put down, place, deposit. A word 


must follow /ay to complete the action. Lie means to 
recline. No additional word is necessary to complete the 


sense. 
Present Past Past Perfect 
I lie I lay I have lain 
I lay I laid I have laid 


Correct: He likes to lie down after lunch. 
Correct: The letters are lying on your desk. 
Correct: Yesterday the crates Jay on the platform all morning. 
Correct: He laid the letters on my desk. 
Leave, let. Leave means abandon; Jet means allow. 


Correct: Let him try it. Let the sale go through. 

Correct: Leave the window display as it is. Let the window display 
stand as it is. 
Liable, likely. Liable suggests a disadvantageous probability : 


A vague statement is liable to be misunderstood. 


Likely expresses a desirable probability : 
A well-planned sales campaign is likely to bring results. 
Milady is vulgar. 


Much, many. Much denotes quantity; many, number. , 
Myself should not be used where J or me is meant. 


Correct: The salesmanager and J discussed the matter. 
Correct: He turned the matter over to Brown and me. 


70 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Use myself (himself, herself, itself, themselves, yourself, 
etc.) as an intensive word: 


I myself do not approve of the plan. 


Notoriety, notorious. These words are used in an unfavorable 
sense. [hey are not complimentary words. A criminal 
is notorious. Write ‘‘a notable executive” or “‘an execu- 
tive of note” (not: ‘“‘a notorious executive” unless he is an 
executive of ill repute). Write: 


Much publicity was given to this transaction (not: “much zofo- 
riety’ unless you mean unpleasant publicity). 


Off of. Never use of or from with of. 


Correct: Take those boxes off the shelves. 
Correct: The letter must have been brushed off the desk. 


Do not use off with buy. 
Correct: We bought it from Brown and Thorne. 


Party, person. Party denotes one person who is party to a 
legal contract. Except in legal phrases, it denotes a group 
of persons. Individual denotes a specific object or human 
being. Person is a colorless word denoting any human 
being or corporation. 


Correct: He is the person (not: party) who placed the order. 


Practicable, practical. Practicable means capable of being 
done (ata given time). Practical means valuable in actual 
practice (all the time). Never use practicable with 
‘‘man.” Use practical with persons or things. Use prac- 
ticable with things only. 


Your plan for a sales campaign may be practical (useful) ; but it is 
not practicable (capable of being put into practice) at this time. 


Provided, providing. Do not use providing for provided, and 
do not use that with provided, when provided means on 
condition that, if. 

Correct: Provided (not: providing that, or provided that) the 
directors will co-operate, I shall accept the appointment. 


Salesperson is a good word to use when referring to both 
Sexes: 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 71 





Shall, will. In direct assertions, use shall and will as follows 
to express simply your expectation of future action (simple 
future) : I shall, you will, he will, we shall, you will, they 
will. 


Correct: I shall (not: will) be glad to talk the matter over with 


you. 
Correct: The salesmen will be glad to welcome you. 


In direct assertions, use shall and will as follows to ex- 
press desire, willingness, or determination. (In this formula 
the speaker’s volition is indicated). As used here, shall and 
will indicate that the action can be controlled by the writer. 
[ will, you shall, he shall, we will, you shall, they shall. 


Correct: 1 will not sign this contract in its present form. 
Correct: They shall hold to the agreement in every detail. 


Determination is suggested in both statements. 

In direct questions, use shall in the first person to express 
not only simple future but also desire, willingness, determina- 
tion. In the second and third persons use the form expected 
in the answer (whether positive or negative). 


Correct: Shall I (we) return the goods? 
Correct: Shall you be there at 8:20? (Answer: I shall be.) 
Correct: Will he (they) come to the meeting? (Answer: He will 
for: will not] come.) 
Will you allow the discount? (Answer: I will [or: will 
not] allow it.) 


In indirect discourse, use the word (or form of the word) 
that is proper in the direct quotation. 


Correct: He wrote that he would accept the obligation. (He ac- 
tually wrote: “I will accept [willingness] the obligation.’’) 

Correct: He said that he should in all probability be at the meeting 
early. (What he actually said was: “I shall in all probability be at the 
meeting early.”) 


Should and. would follow the same usage as shall and will. 
Should is often used to denote confident expectation (equiv- 
alent to ought to) : 


If the ship is not delayed, the gowns should be on sale by Thursday 
noon. 


72 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Up to date, modern are not interchangeable. 


Correct: A thoroughly modern store. 
Correct: Bring the records up to date. 


B. Correctness in Sentences. 


Although judgment and free play of individuality are per- 
mitted in the choice of sentence structure and sentence length, 
the writer deviates at his peril from the rules governing the 
mechanics of style. These rules, which regulate the correct 
grouping of words in sentences, are well defined. The young 
writer should realize that every hour he invests in learning 
how to make his practice conform to the fundamental require- 
ments of correctness, yields increasingly large dividends in the 
form of accurate, agreeable, and convincing sentences. 

Unity.—Every sentence must have at least one independent 
subject and predicate. Do not point off part of a thought as 
though it were an independent unit.1 


(a) Wrong: These are the most favorable quotations we can make 
you. Being based on materials of the finest quality. ( Phrase.) 

Right: These are the most favorable quotations we can make 
you. They are based on materials of the finest quality. 

(5) Wrong: These are the prices we can quote you on the 
material you stipulate. Although lower prices are possible if you use 
cheaper material. (Dependent clause. ) 

Right: These are the prices we can quote you on the material 
you stipulate. However, lower prices are possible if you use cheaper 
material. 

Right: These are the prices we can quote you on the material 
you stipulate, although lower prices are possible if you use cheaper 
material. 

(c) Incomplete: Letter of 15th ult. received. In reply shall say 
we are ... (Crude and illiterate. ) 

Complete: Your letter of July 15 has been received. In reply 
we inform you that we are... 

Better: We have received your letter of July 15. 

Good: In response to your letter of July 15 we are glad to 
say that we... 


Do not run together two or more statements. Make a 
full stop after each unit. In place of the comma use a period. 


; *In advertisements and sales letters, and in these only, it is permissible to 
ignore this rule when the writer wishes to secure highly special effects. 


~— — 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 73 


Wrong: You promised delivery by March 15, we made our sales 
plans accordingly. 

Right: You promised delivery by March 15. We made our sales 
plans accordingly. 


The word joining the parts of your sentence should express 
the connection exactly. Use ‘‘and” when the statements it 
joins are equal in fact. Repeated use of “and’’ prevents quick 
perception of the exact relationships of ideas. 


(a) Inexact: We shipped the goods on May 8, and they were in 
good condition. 

Exact: When we shipped the goods on May 8, they were in 
good condition. (‘“Time” thought; not “and.’’) 

(b) Inexact: The goods left our shipping department in perfect 
condition, and the carrier must be at fault. 

Exact: As the goods left our shipping department in perfect 
condition, the carrier must be at fault. (“Reason” thought; not 
“and.”) (“Because” is preferable to ‘‘as.”’ 

(c) Vague: This sweeper is made for use in the home, so it can 
be used on your finest rugs. 

Exact: Because this sweeper is made for use in the home, 
it can be used on your finest rugs. 

(d) Weak: The man was very busy and his name was Brown. 

Better: The man, whose name was Brown, was very busy. 


Do not flatten out your thoughts in a loosely joined “‘and”’ 
and “‘but”’ series. Stringy statements are confusing. 

Do not crowd two or more loosely related thoughts be- 
tween the capital and the period. 


Bad: The man lived in Arizona and his ideas on taxation were 
queer. 

Good: The man lived in Arizona. His ideas on taxation were 
queer. 

Confusing: The books were shipped on February 18, and we have 
the bill of lading from the Chicago and Northwestern Railroad, but we 
wish to have the shipment delivered at the earliest date, and shall have 
the railroad send out a tracer immediately, and shall be glad to notify 
you as soon as we have a report. (The dictator of this thought heap 
had not planned his letter.) 

Clear: We have a bill of lading from the Chicago and North- 
western Railroad, showing that the books were shipped on February 
18. As we wish the shipment delivered without delay, we shall have 
the railroad send out a tracer immediately. As soon as we have a 
report, we shall notify you promptly. 


74 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Do not separate logically related statements. Avoid the 
primer style. To separate closely related ideas is childish 
unless the advantage of emphasizing each item is obvious. 


Childish: We are careful of our products. We use ingredients of 
the highest grade. They are bought in South America. We buy only 
the purest materials. 

Effective: Only the purest materials procurable in South America 
are used as ingredients in our products. 


Coherence.— Ideas are accurately grouped when there is 
no possibility of misunderstanding the writer’s intention. In- 
accuracy results from associating ideas not logically related. 
Do not omit words essential for accurate connection. 

Misplaced ideas make inaccurate sentences. To convey 
your thought exactly, arrange ideas so that the sentence can 
be understood in your way only. 

Place modifiers next to the words they modify. 


Not Clear: He had a typewriter in his office which had been his 
grandfather’s. 

Clear: In his office he had a typewriter which had been his grand- 
father’s. 

Confusing: He could see the steamers plying up and down the Hud- 
son River through his office window. 

Clear: From his office window he could see the steamers plying up 
and down the Hudson River. 


Place words like ‘‘only” and phrases like ‘‘at least’’ where 
they convey exactly what you mean. 


1. (a) The secretary only signed the offer. (He merely affixed 
his signature. ) 
(b) Only the secretary signed the offer. (He alone, no 
other official, signed it.) 
(c) The secretary signed only the offer. (He signed no other 
document. ) 
(d) The secretary signed the offer only. (This has the same 
meaning as the foregoing, but is more forceful.) 
~-2. (a) At least the office manager should see your carbons once 
each week. (Supervision in addition to that of the office manager is 
desirable. ) 
(>) The office manager should at least see your carbons once 
a week. (He need not make corrections unless they are necessary.) 
(c) The office manager should see at least your carbons once 
a week. (He may wish to see your dictation as well.) 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 75 


(d) ‘The office manager should see your carbons once a week 
at least. (It may be desirable to see them oftener. ) 


Guard against establishing a false connection by referring 
an action to the wrong agent. 


(a) Wrong: Referring to your inquiry, a special messenger will 
deliver the necessary papers. 

Right: Referring to your inquiry, we assure you that a special 
messenger will deliver the papers. _ 

(6) Wrong: When worn out, you can have the part replaced by 
us without charge for service. 

Right: When worn out, the part will be replaced by us with- 
out charge for service. 

Right: When the part is worn out, you can have it replaced 
by us without charge for service. 

(c) Wrong: Your revised quotations arrived just after our sales- 
men had met and upset all our plans. (‘‘Upset’’ should not be asso- 
ciated with “met,” but with “arrived.’’) 

Right: Just after our salesmen had met, your revised quota- 
tions arrived and upset all our plans. 

(d) Dangling participle: Entering the room, the stolen typewriter 
was seen standing on the table. 

Clear: Entering the room, he saw the stolen typewriter on 
the table. 


Establish an obvious connection between parallel ideas by 
expressing them in parallel forms. Similarity in structure calls 
attention to similarity in ideas. 

Avoid a shift in construction. Keep the logical subject 
clearly before the reader throughout. 


Wrong: The office boy admitted the caller, but instead of receiving 
a courteous greeting, the man knocked him down. 

Right: The office boy admitted the caller, but the man, instead of 
giving him a courteous greeting, knocked him down. 

Right: The office boy admitted the caller, who, instead of giving him 
a courteous greeting, knocked him down. 

Ineffective: We have instructed our local representative in your 
‘city that he should make a satisfactory adjustment, and fo live up to our 
policy of giving full satisfaction to the customer. 

Effective: We have instructed our local representative in your city 
to make an adjustment and ¢o live up to our policy of giving full satis- 
‘faction to the customer. 

Effective: We have instructed our local representative in your city 


76 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


that he should make an adjustment and that he should live up to our 
policy of giving full satisfaction to the customer. 

Ineffective: I am in need of credit for installing the new line of 
goods and fo replenish the established lines. 

Effective: 1 am in need of credit to install the new line of goods 
and fo replenish the established lines. 

Ineffective: In my business typed letters produce no more sales than 
using mimeographed ones. 

Effective: In my business typed letters produce no more sales than 
mimevgraphed letters. 


Avoid partial parallelisms. 


Weak: The office was small, dark, and it was poorly furnished. 
Better: The office was small, dark, and poorly furnished. 


Joining words, like “both . . . and,” “either @ey)soues 
“neither... nor,’ and “not only ... but also,” should 
connect ideas logically related. 


Wrong: You must, now, send either your check before October 1, 
or stand suit for the amount. 

Right: You must, now, either send your check before October 1, 
or stand suit for the amount. 

Wrong: There must be not only a standard credit time, but we 
must also hold to this standard. . 

Right: There not only must be a standard credit time, but we 
must also hold to this standard. 

Better: There must be not only a standard credit time, but also 
strict adherence to this standard. 

Wrong: Such extensions of credit are neither allowed to the large 
customer nor to the small customer. 

Right: Such extensions of credit are allowed neither to the large 
customer nor to the small customer. 

Right: Such extensions of credit are allowed neither to the large 
nor the small customer. 


Omission of essential words. — 


’ 


Use tay any 
curacy. (See 66.) 


and “‘the’”’ when they are essential for ac- 


One man: The secretary and treasurer attended the meeting. 
Two men: The secretary and the treasurer attended the meeting. 


An incomplete comparison is confusing. 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 77 


Two meanings: He likes our goods better than our competitors. 
(Does he mean “than our competitors do” ?) 

Clear: He likes our goods better than those of our competitors. 

Inconsistent: The interior fittings of this car are more sumptuous 
than a higher-priced car. (“‘Fittings’ with “car” ?) 

Clear: The interior fittings of this car are more sumptuous than 
those of a higher-priced car. 


A thing must be compared with any other thing of its own 
class. 


Nonsense: He sold more goods last month than anybody on the 
sales: staff. (He is a member of the sales staff. “Therefore the state- 
ment means that he sold more than he himself sold.) 

Accurate: He sold more goods last month than did anybody else 
on the sales staff. 

Or: He sold more goods last month than did any other salesman 
on the staff. 

Nonsense: I like this style better than any in your catalogue. 

Accurate: I like this style better than any other in your catalogue. 


A thing must be compared with any thing of a class not 
its own. 


Accurate: I like your closed car better than any car in Blank’s 
line. 


The foregoing sentence is accurate because your closed car 
is compared with a car not in your line, but in Blank’s. As 
the cars compared are not in the same but in different lines, 
_the word other would be illogical. 

_ Agreement.—The verb must agree with the subject in per- 
son and number. Be sure that you know the subject of the 
verb. 


Wrong: Expense and waste of time is the result of careless tran- 
scribing. 

Right: Expense and waste of time are the result of careless tran- 
scribing. 

Right: Careless transcribing results in expense and waste of time. 

Wrong: In this crate was found the missing articles. (The sub- 
ject follows the verb here.) 

Right: In this crate were found the missing articles. 

Correct: They are the customers who, we agreed, are entitled to 
liberal credit. 
| Correct: The prize should be given to whoever has the highest 
percentage of sales. (Whoever is the subject of has.) 


78 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 





Together with, with, and as well as are not equivalent to 
and. 


Wrong: The manager, as well as five salesmen, were at the meeting. 

Correct: The manager, as well as five salesmen, was at the meeting. 

Correct: You agreed to this, as well as I. (Such a sentence is 
never fully written out. If it were, it would read: “You agreed to this 
as well as I agreed to this.’’) 

Correct: Brown and Ivers have no better rating than we (have). 


Neither, either . . . or, neither . . . nor are not equiva- 
lent to and. 


Wrong: Either the secretary or the treasurer are sure to attend. 

Right: Either the secretary or the treasurer is sure to attend. 

Correct: Neither of the officers has signed the contract. 

Correct: Neither the floor manager nor the clerks were to blame. 
(When the members of a compound subject are both singular and plural 
in form the verb agrees in number with the nearest member. ) 


Note the difference: 


He, not we, has agreed to take the responsibility. 


Do not let the verb be drawn into relationship with inter- 
vening words. 


Wrong: The value of automobile trucks in speeding up deliveries 
in large cities have been recognized for several years. 

Right: The value of automobile trucks in speeding up deliveries in 
large cities has been recognized for several years. 


Words like committee, board, half, and number should be 
consistently interpreted as singular or plural. 


Inconsistent: The committee has disagreed in their findings. 

Consistent: "The committee have disagreed in their findings. (In 
this sentence committee is thought of as made up of individuals.) 

Correct: The committee has made its decision. (Committee 1s 
thought of as a group.) 

Correct: Half of the crates were damaged. (Individual crates are 
emphasized. ) 

Correct: The number of responses grows less every day. (Here bulk 
is emphasized. ) 

Correct: The company agrees to protect its customers on prices. 


Words like each, every, everyone, anyone, and anybody 
are singular. 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 79 


Correct: Everybody now knows his duties. 

Correct: Each of our salesmen now recognizes his responsibilities. 

Correct: Every (or each) salesman and saleswoman on this floor ts 
expected to be courteous at all times. 

Correct: None of the new salesmen has made errors in his report. 

Correct: None of the new salesmen have made errors in their report. 


Verbs.—The verb must accurately express the time of the 


action. Write precisely what you mean. 


(a) Inexact: We shall be glad to accept your order with the under- 
standing that the goods are to be shipped immediately. (The order 
is in hand. Why say “shall be’ when the action takes place at the 
present time ?) 

Precise: We are glad to accept your order with the under- 


‘standing that the goods are to be shipped immediately. 


(b) Inexact: We should have been glad (last week) to have taken 


(two weeks ago?) your order. (TJ'o have taken wrongly indicates that 
the action is prior to that of should have been glad.) 


Precise: We should have been glad (last week) to take (last 


week, at the same time) your order. 


Inexact: He intended to have signed yesterday. (The signing 


| was not prior to the intention.) 


Precise: He intended fo sign yesterday. 
Correct: He had intended to sign yesterday. 
Correct: Smith was reported (yesterday) to have left town 


(before the report was made). 


| 
i} 


When the verb expresses a wish, condition, or supposi- 
tion clearly unreal or contrary to fact, use were for was. 


Correct: If I were in Chicago (But: I am in New York), we could 
settle this difficulty in less than an hour. 
I wish that I were in Chicago (I am in New York) to 


help in opening our new branch. 


If I were you, I would not sign this agreement. 


When placing, taking, using, entering, and so forth, are 
used as nouns, the word preceding must be your (not: you), 


his (not: him), anyone’s (not: anyone), its (not: it), etc. 





Wrong: We see no objection to you cancelling the order. 
Right: We see no objection to your cancelling the order. 
Correct: This can be done without anyone's objecting to it. 
We approve of his sending the credit allowance. 
We approve of the company’s (not: company) assuming, 
the liabilities. 





80 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Words referring to the subject or object of a verb must 
not be used in a form that connects them with the verb. When 
verbs like Jook, taste, prove, keep, stand, sound, and so forth, 
indicate condition or quality (not action), is, ave, was, and 
were can be substituted. 


Correct: These gowns look beautiful. (Not: look beautifully, be- 

Cause appearance, not action, is indicated. ) 

Our taster reports that the coffee tastes good. (not: tastes 
well, because good refers to the condition or quality of the coffee.) 

The clerk proved faithful. (Faithful expresses the quality 
of the clerk.) 

He performed his duties faithfully. (Faithfully refers to 
how he did his duties. ) 

The Title Company kept the mortgage safe. (Safe in- 
dicates the condition of the mortgage. ) 

The Title Company kept the mortgage safely. (Safely 
belongs with kept to show how (the manner) the mortgage was kept.) 

Our adjuster stood firm. 

Our adjuster stood firmly by his decision. (Firmly belongs 
with sfood.) 


Pronouns.—Study the following correct uses of pronouns 
with verbs. 


(a) The salesmen are Brown and I. 
It was J (or: she, he, they) who signed the documents. 
If you were I (or: he, she, they), would you sign this paper? 
He made certain of its being she (or: he, we, they). 
He made certain that it was she (or: he, we, they.).—The 
award should be made to whoever has the highest percentage. 
(b) The manager placed you and me (or: her, him, us, them) in 
charge. 
The sales managers agree with you and me (him, her, us, 
them). 
Whom did you see in Utica? 
Whom did you vote for? 
Better: For whom did you vote? 


There should be no doubt as to the word to which a 
pronoun refers. A pronoun is a word used in place of a noun 
to avoid awkward repetition of the same word. 

To determine the correct pronoun in any given sentence, 

think of the noun for which you intend to substitute the pro- 





| 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 81 


noun. The pronoun must agree with the noun in number (sin- 
gular, plural) and in gender (masculine, feminine, neuter). 


Everybody in this department is expected to make his report by Fri- 
day. (Use he when referring to both sexes. Avoid he or she, his or 


hers, him or her, except when sex distinction is important, as in legal 


documents like contracts. ) 

Every man and woman in this department is expected to do his part. 
(His indicates common gender.) 

Both the president and the secretary have completed their report. 

The committee on sales policy made its decision yesterday. (Here 
the group is correctly considered as an impersonal unit.) 

He sold to every prospect with whom (not: which) he had made 
an appointment. 


Who and whose refer to persons; which and that, to ani- 


mals and things; that, to persons, animals, or things. 


The matter was referred to our attorney, who settled it. 
The live stock that (or which) you shipped from Sheridan arrived 


at Omaha yesterday. 


Only words denoting persons having power of ownership 


should be used to indicate possession. Words denoting inani- 


mate things should not be used in the possessive. 


Bad: New York’s mayor spoke. 
The company’s president was there. 
Good: The Mayor of New York spoke. 
The president of the company was there. 


However, certain established expressions are aliowed: 
the law’s delay, the day’s work, a two weeks’ holiday, three 
years’ experience. 

Never use a pronoun to refer back to anything but an ex- 
pressed noun or pronoun. 


Wrong: Because of his energy he succeeded, which pleased the presi- 
dent. (Which cannot refer to succeeded, a verb.) 

Right: His success, which pleased the president, resulted from his 
energy. 
_ Confusing: He succeeded in closing a contract, which pleased the 
oficers. (Which cannot refer to a verb. Contract is not meant here.) 

Clear: His success in closing a contract pleased the officers. 

He succeeded in closing a contract that pleased the officers. 

(Here the meaning is different because that now refers to contract.) 


82 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Confusing: After he had agreed to take the shipment, he failed to | 


live up to 7t. 
Clear: After he had agreed to take the shipment, he failed to live 


up to his agreement. 

Nofé clear: The contract was satisfactory in every detail to the men 
who signed it. This was reflected in their attitude. (There is no ex- 
pressed word for this to refer back to.) 

Clear: The contract was satisfactory in every detail to the men 
who signed it. This satisfaction was reflected in their attitude. 


The word to which the pronoun refers must be unmis- 
takable. 


Not clear: Jones made the sale to Brown just before he left. (Who 
left ?) 


Clear: Just before he left, Jones made the sale to Brown. 
Clear: Just before Brown left, Jones sold him the goods. 


C. Punctuation. 


Punctuation marks indicate the proper degree of separa- 
tion between words and groups of words which need to be kept 
apart for clearness. Far from being an ornament or frill, 
punctuation is an essential part of letter sentences. It cannot 
be neglected or used according to the whim of the writer, for 
the meaning of a sentence often changes with the presence or 
absence of a comma. Observance of the following rules, 
which represent the irreducible minimum in modern business 
usage, will assure accuracy and instant clearness. Punctuation 
has not gone out of style, as is frequently contended by illiter- 
ate people who are not sure of their ground. 

The comma (,) indicates the weakest break in thought. 
Stronger separation is indicated by the ‘semicolon(;). The 
strongest degree of break within the sentence is marked by the 
colon (:). The dash (—), which should be sparingly used, 
indicates an abrupt change in ideas. Marks of parentheses () 
suggest looser connection than can be indicated by commas. 
When an editor adds something to a sentence written by an- 
other person, or when the writer wishes to indicate material 
independent of the rest of the sentence, he uses brackets []. 
Quotation marks (“ ”’) indicate that the inclosed words are 
exactly reproduced from the writing of some other person. 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 83 


Single quotes (‘’) are used to indicate a quotation within a 
quotation. 

_ A dependent group of words introducing a sentence 1s 
pointed off by a comma. All groups introduced by words like 
the following are dependent: because, as, if, although, when, 
after, as soon as. 


Among industries making finished products, the automobile in- 
dustry ranks first in value of output. 

If you haven’t yours, send for it today. 

When buying began to accelerate, prices rose abruptly. (This sen- 
tence would not be instantly clear without the comma.) 

With butter fat bringing farmers around 52 cents a pound, live- 
stock prices pretty well up, and the grain market looking better, we 
are going to have more business from farmers next year. 

Confusing: Although the factories immediately speeded up the out- 
put of finished products did not satisfy the demand. 

Clear: Although the factories immediately speeded up, the output 
of finished products did not satisfy the demand. 


Point off a dependent word or group of words that breaks 
the continuity of the direct assertion. 


It is remarkable, considering the amount of money spent, how few 
advertisers exercise sound judgment. 

The engineer, his college course completed, studies technical maga- 
zines. 
__ The courts were divided, apparently hopelessly, on the question of 
whether a labor union, as such, could own a trade-mark and be pro- 
tected in its use. 


Transitional words and phrases are pointed off. 


The plan, however, is incomplete. 
‘The company, on the other hand, could get an injunction. 
Here, again, use was the main argument. 


Words or groups of words used in a series (minimum of 
three units) are separated by commas. A comma should be 
used before and introducing the last member of the series, 
unless the last two units are to be read as a pair. 


Machinery, materials, equipment, and supplies are bought by the 
“conference” method. (Nouns) 
' You will like the exclusive patterns, the latest checks, the stylish 
stripes, and the attractive colors. (Phrases) 


84 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 





He must have imagination, be resourceful, be able to devise selling | 4 
plans, and have genuine enthusiasm. 

The sleeves are the right length, the yoke falls naturally into the 
lines of the shoulder, and the collar has the neatness that pleases you. 
(Clauses) 


Words used in direct address or in explanation of another 
word are set off by commas. 


We regret, Mr. Brown, that this delay has inconvenienced you. 

S. S. McClure, editor of McClure’s Magazine, will speak. 

He has been appointed advertising manager of Brown and Vail, 
manufacturers of Blank shoes. 

He waited at the convention headquarters, the Hotel Wisconsin. 


Explanatory modifiers introduced by who, which, and. that, 
or words derived from them, are set off.by coinmas. Limit 
ing (restrictive) modifiers introduced by who, which, and 
that are not pointed off. Failure to observe these rules causes 
inaccurate statements. 


Limiting: Sailors who are superstitious will not sail on Friday. (Not 
all sailors are superstitious. ) 

Explanatory: Sailors, who are superstitious, will not sail on Friday. 
(The writer believes that all sailors are superstitious enough not to 
sail on Friday.) 


Use the following test to determine whether a modifier 
limits or explains. If the meaning of the direct assertion re- 
mains unchanged when the modifier is left off, the modifier 
explains. If the meaning of the direct assertion is incomplete 
without the modifier, the modifier limits. The following 
sentence would not convey the writer’s meaning without the 
modifier, because the thought is limited to those business 
women who are interested in their physical welfare. 


Limiting: Business women who are interested in their physical wel- 
fare come here twice each week. 

Limiting: I wish to buy a mortgage bond that nets 5 per cent and 
is safe. 

Limiting: To the man who has these qualifications we will pay 
$5,000 a year. 

Explanatory: Our salesmen, all of whom have been with the firm 
at least five years, keep in close touch with our customers. 

Limiting: The salesmen who have been with our firm at least five 
years will be guests of honor. 


‘ 


a 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 85 


Use a comma between two or more independent groups 
connected by one of the simple connectives like and, but, or, 
| and for. 


Correct: Brown is entitled to the bonus, for his sales record is 
_ excellent. 
Confusing: Do not cease working for the reward of intelligent 
effort is advancement. 
Clear: Do not cease working, for the reward of intelligent effort 
is advancement. 


No comma is necessary between short independent groups 


which do not themselves contain commas. 


Correct: You are entitled to the bonus and you shall have it. 


If special emphasis is desired for each group, insert a 


comma. 


Correct: You are entitled to the bonus, and you shall have it. 


The semicolon is used less often than the comma. It 


usually separates independent groups that are long and com- 


plicated. 


Use a semicolon between independent groups containing 


- commas. 


He wants to be a salesman; but, as a matter of fact, he does not 


_ know the bitter disappointments, the hardships, and the nerve-killing 


experiences a salesman must face. 
If left to themselves, young salesmen would, of course, learn these 


things from experience; but, likely as not, they would learn them all 


wrong. 


Use a semicolon between two independent groups when the 
second clause has a new subject and is introduced by but. 


Closed punctuation has been used for many years; but open punctua- 
tion is gaining in favor. 


Use a semicolon between series units when each unit is to 
receive special emphasis. 


Architects visualize great buildings; they plan them; and they 


_ specify appropriate materials. 


Correct but less emphatic: Architects visualize great buildings, plan 


them, and specify appropriate materials. 


# 


86 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Use a colon between two independent groups when they 
are not connected by a joining word, and when the first 
group points to the second and is completed by it. 


There is one reason for our success: merit based on performance. 
There is no need now to lecture these men on company policies: 
they have learned these things for themselves. 


Use a colon when a general statement is followed by a 
specific restatement. The colon is used even when words like 
namely and as follows are not expressed. 


Turn a musician into a hodcarrier, and the world will lose twice: 
the building industry through an indifferent workman; humanity through 
the loss of that workman’s unborn music. 

A manufacturing establishment ordinarily has four departments: the 
executive, the administrative, the productive, the sales. 


Words introducing a long quotation are followed by a 
colon. When the introduction is formal, use a colon even if 
the quotation is short. 


Formal: This is what he said: “The estimates must be ready to- 
morrow.” 
Informal: He said, “Your estimate must be ready tomorrow.” 


The dash and marks of parenthesis should be used only 
for highly special effects, and never as mere substitutes for the 
comma, semicolon, or colon. 

Marks of parenthesis indicate additional material (usually 
explanatory) that is loosely connected with the rest of the 
sentence. 


The Standard Oil Company (N. J.) sent this report to its stock- 
holders. 

It was in 1912 (February 3) that the first Timken advertisement 
appeared in The Saturday Evening Post. 

Registration of a trade-mark is prima facie evidence of ownership (if 
obtained under the Act of 1905). 


The dash may be used before an important word or group 
of words to shock the reader into attention. Its use had better 
be limited to sales letters and sales copy. 


The Johnstown News is growing—surely, conservatively—on its 


own merits. It is easy for a newspaper to gain in circulation—if the 


| 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 87 


methods adopted in getting the increase are not to be questioned. The 


Johnstown News is gaining circulation daily—on the right basis. (Note 
that the dash in this passage becomes ineffective because the reader soon 
tires of repeated shocks. ) 


Quotation marks are used before and after every direct 


| quotation. Use single quotation marks for a quotation placed 
within another quotation. 


She asked me, ‘‘What does ‘open’ punctuation mean?” 


When two marks of punctuation are used together, ob- 


_serve the following rules: 


1. The period and comma are always inside quotation 


marks. 
2. The question mark is inside quotation marks when it 


refers to less than the whole sentence. 


3. When it refers to the whole sentence of which the quota- 
tion is a part, the question mark is outside the quotes. 


Did he say ‘““Wire at once’? (No period is used after “‘once.”) 


4. If it does not belong to the quoted words only, the 


semicolon or colon is outside the quotation marks. 


He said ‘Wire me’; so we sent a “wire.” 


5. When marks of parenthesis inclose less than the unit 


marked off by a comma, semicolon, colon, or end punctuation, 
_the marks of parenthesis are inside. 


After our first advertisement appeared in 1912 (February 3), we 
had to increase output. (The parenthetical words belong to the material 


set off by the comma.) 


D. Capitalization. 


Capitalize the first word of every sentence, direct quota- 


tion, and line of poetry. Capitalize the word which follows 


“Resolved” or ‘“Whereas” in formal resolutions. Capitalize 


the names of months and days, but not of seasons. Capitalize 
the names of countries and words derived from them (namely, 
Brazil, Brazilian). 


} 


The following distinction is fundamental. Capitalize the 
word that specifically identifies (proper noun) an individual 


88 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH | 


person or thing. Do not capitalize the general word (common 
noun) that refers to a class of persons or things. Distinguish 
between words that name the individual and words that name 
the general class. 

Capitalize names of (1) rivers, lakes, oceans; (2) moun- 
tains, parks; (3) streets, localities; (4) railroad stations, plat- 
forms, trains, cars; (5) hotels, rooms; (6) churches, libraries; 
and (7) similar things that have clearly defined individuality: 


1. the Hudson River, on the River John, Lake Huron, Long Lake, 
Atlantic Ocean. 

2. Mount Rainier, Whiteface Mountain, Glacier National Park, 
Central Park. 

3. Fifth Avenue, John Street, the East Side, Fifty-seventh Street. 

4. Enter the Grand Central Station, walk to Platform 7, and ask 
a red-cap to guide you to Car 225 on the Twentieth Century Limited. 

5. From the Wistaria Room at the Hotel Astor, enter Room 79 
and ask for the mail in Box 16. 

6. the First Methodist Church (But: the first Methodist church 
to be organized in this city). Use the Reading Room in the Carnegie 
Library (But: Every library should have an airy reading room.) 


Do not capitalize names of common branches of knowl- 
edge unless they are used as specific names. 


He specialized in economics and advertising. At college he took 
lectures in Economics 23 and Advertising 19. 


Capitalize a title or name when it is used so as to be un- 
derstood to refer specifically to a person or thing. 


He may be seen daily on the Avenue (Fifth Avenue). 

The President (of the United States) favors the World Court. 

The Emperor lives in exile. (But: A king is not popular nowa- 
days. ) 

Call the Doctor. (But: Call a doctor.) 


Capitalize names of (1) institutions, foundations; (2) 
firms, corporations; (3) organizations, clubs, associations, de- 
partments; (4) newspapers, magazines, bulletins; (5) books, 
articles, or their subdivisions. 


1. the A. Barton Hepburn Foundation, at Columbia University, 
at the University of Wisconsin, the Columbia University School of Busi- 
ness, the Burns High School. (But: He attended high school.) 

2. Arnold, Constable & Co., The Great Atlantic and Pacific Tea 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 89 


' Company, The American Radiator Company, the National City Bank 

of New York. 

3. the Republican Party (But: the republican form of government), 
the Rotary Club, the Society for the Promotion of Engineering Educa- 

_tion, the Harvard Union, the Sales Department, the Department of 

Research, the Tenth Regiment (But: the tenth regiment to leave). 

| 4. in the New York Evening Post, in The Saturday Evening 
Post, The Outlook, in the Bankers’ Magazine, the Bulletin of the Na- 
tional Association of Credit Men, in the Proceedings of the Better 

Letter Conference. 

5. “The Art of Collecting,” ‘(Obvious Adams,” “More Power to 
You,” “American Problems from the Point of View of a Psychologist,” 
Chapter III (But: the third chapter), Part II (But: the second part), 
see the Index (But: every book should have an index). 


Capitalize points of the compass when they are specific 
words, designating divisions of a country. Do not capitalize 
them when they indicate direction. ‘These rules apply to 
' derivatives of these words. 


| Cotton is grown in the South. The Southern States are prosperous. 
He walked south from here. The North Atlantic States form a 
geographical division. The northern Atlantic states are industrial. He 
was born in the West (Middle West). The center of population is 
moving west (westward, is westbound). An east wind was blowing. 
This is Central Park West. Send it to 420 East Forty-second Street. 
| Do not capitalize a general word (one that indicates a 
class of objects). This applies to words that were once in- 
dividual but that have lost their specific force: 


marathon race, maxim guns, china dishes (but: Chinese fans), a 
boycott, fuchsia, pasteurize. 


Whatever the system of capitalization used by the writer, 
it should be followed consistently. 


E. Abbreviations. 


Abbreviations should be sparingly used. Never sacrifice 
courtesy to haste. Avoid abbreviations like acc’t and am’t in 
_ the body of the letter. Do not abbreviate the name of the 
_ month, and never use the form 2/16/24 except for office 
memoranda. Never write D’r S’r, Gents, or Y’rs sinc’ly. 
| Never use & for and, and Co. for Company, the only excep- 


90 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


tion being a firm name officially written with one or both of 
the foregoing abbreviated forms. | 

Abbreviations in the salutation and the complimentary 
close are vulgar. In the body of the letter, abbreviated words 
spoil the tone and lead, furthermore, to frequent misunder- 
standing. Their use should be limited to routine correspon- 
dence directed to a limited group of persons who are familiar 
with the abbreviations. Under such circumstances they are 
approved timesavers, but the writer must be guided by a well- 
defined list of timesaving abbreviations based on such a list 
as may be found in the appendix of an unabridged dictionary or 
in the United States Government Printing Office Style Manual. 
This Style Manual gives the approved abbreviations of States 
and Territories, and is a valuable reference book for any busi- 
ness man or woman. 

When a title is used after a person’s name in the inside 
address, it is often abbreviated. ‘Titles appearing before the 
name are not abbreviated: Manager James Brown; Mr. James 
Brown, Manager (or Megr.); President Nicholas Murray 
Butler (or Mr. Nicholas Murray Butler, President (Not: 
Press). 

Do not use a title before the name, as above, and also an 
honorary title or degree after the name. 


Wrong: Professor Frank A. Patterson, Ph. D. 
Right: Mr. Frank A. Patterson, Ph. D. 
Right: Professor Frank A. Patterson. 


Do not use both Mr. and Esq. 


Correct: Mr. John H. Lane. 
Correct: John H. Lane, Esq. ; 


F. Use of Numbers. 


Spell out numbers that can be expressed in one or two 
words: Twenty-sixth Street (But: 146 Street), one hundred 
dollars, two thousand crates. This rule, which is fundamental, 
is modified by the following rules: 

Where the number is part of a name identifying a room, 
place, or other thing, do not spell out the number unless it is 
ofhcially written out in the name: Platform 7, Platform 


om 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 91 


Seven, Locker 74, Locker Seventy-four. .This rule applies to 
telephone numbers, house numbers, and the like. 

| Spell out the hour of the day (twenty minutes past three, 
at three-thirty); the years and months of a person’s age 
(sixty years and eight months) ;-amounts in cents (ninety-six 
cents); and round numbers (at least six hundred and forty 
answers). 

Do not spell out the day of the month or the year, except 
in rigidly formal writing. Do not et out numbers involving 
both dollars and cents. 

When numbers occur aural. follow one plan con- 
sistently, as follows: 


The meeting was attended by seventy salesmen, forty-five credit 
‘men, and one hundred and twenty-two advertising men. 

There were 365 responses to the first letter, 278 to the second, and 
200 to the third. 


Never use d, nd, rd, st, or th after the number of the day 
or after the number of the street. When the month is not 
‘mentioned, the foregoing abbreviations are used. 


Correct: December 28, 1924. 510 West 144 Street. 
Correct: Your letter of the 15th did not mention this plan. 
Incorrect: We received your letter of June 15th. 

Correct: We received your letter of June 15. 


G. Spelling and Hyphenation. 


Misspelled words are the skin eruptions of weak writing. 
They are disagreeable because they are on the surface, and, 
therefore, visible to everyone. A reader who knows little or 
nothing of rhetorical principles can nevertheless detect, and 
usually does detect, misspellings, with the result that the 
writer’s firm suffers in his opinion. Yet the majority of writers 
can improve their spelling almost to perfection. As a rule, 
good spellers are not born but made. 

Although there is no infallible remedy, the will to spell 
correctly is the first essential to progress. ‘The second is to 
concentrate on troublesome routine words. No general list of 
frequently misspelled words is as useful as an individual list 
based on personal experience. It has been estimated that the 
average individual’s difficulties in spelling involve from 


92 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


twenty to fifty words. Put these trouble makers on the black. 
list—your individual blacklist. 

The third essential is to study these words regularly for 
brief periods. Make sure that you see each letter in the 
troublesome word. Defective or careless vision is the real 
cause of much bad spelling. It is also necessary to pronounce 
words correctly. Slovenly pronunciation and careless hearing 
are often the cause of inaccurate reproduction. If one says 
reconize, he will probably misspell recognize. If he adds a 
syllable to athletics, he will no doubt write atheletics, as many 
careless spellers do. Send to the brain a message accurate in 
all details. Only then have you the right to expect an accurate 
reproduction. 

These suggestions are not theoretical. ‘They produce re. 
sults where rules have failed. Mere memory work, therefore, 
however useful as a help, is not the exclusive prop of the poor 
speller. He can avoid unintelligent drudgery if he conscien- 
tiously applies to his own difficulties the three foregoing sug 
gestions. Although there is no royal road to perfection in 
spelling, there is a road leading to success, and the three steps 
outlined in the last paragraph are three finger posts that poigl 
the way. 

The correct spelling of the more common ¢i and ie words 
can be remembered by reference to the word Celia: e after ¢ 
as in receive; and i after / as in believe. 

For quick reference, every writer should have a reliable 
dictionary at his elbow. Whenever a word is looked up, add 
it at once to your individual list. 

In addition to studying carefully the list of commonly mis. 
used words (See p. 66), look up the correct pronunciation 
and exact meaning of the following words: 








Accept, except (both verbs) Later, latter, latest, last 
Beside, besides Lose, loose (both verbs) 
Consul, counsel Principal, principle 
Continual, continuous Respectfully, respectively 
Farther, further Therefore, therefor 
Intelligent, intelligible Viz., e. g., i.e 


Consult the dictionary for correct syllabication of words 
(dividing a word, as at the end of a line). It is unpleasant 
to read a letter containing divided words at the right margin. 





ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 93 


An expert transcriber avoids divided words and yet types an 
approximately straight right margin by spacing the words in 
the line. 

) Hyphenated words trouble even experienced writers, be- 
cause there is no agreement among authorities as to how words 
should be divided. However, certain tests are sometimes 
helpful. The speed of pronunciation, for instance, often de- 
termines whether a word is hyphenated. At one extreme there 
is green house, pronounced slowly. At the other extreme is 
greenhouse, pronounced rapidly. Words falling between those 
two extremes are usually hyphenated, like “post-office.” 

In the following expressions the hyphenated words have 
lost their identity as individual units: medium-weight paper, 
a well-managed office; a two-year contract. They are drawn 
together to form a compound modifier of the word that fol- 
lows. On the other hand, when such words follow the word 
they modify, they do not lose their identity, but remain in- 
dividual units. 


_ This office is well managed. (Do not hyphenate words clearly re- 
taining their identity as separate units: a blue silk dress. Here blue 
modifies silk dress.) 


Observe the following correct usage with regard to num- 
bers: thirty-eight, ninety-sixth. 
Hyphenate fractions when they are used to modify a word: 


He has a one-third interest in the business (but: He owns one third 
of the business). 


Retain the hyphen when there is an awkward juxtaposition 
of letters, as in anti-imperialistic. The only safe practice is 
to consult the dictionary. 


Oral and Written Exercises in Compactness and Correctness. 


1. Rewrite the following sentences, observing the correct 

ise of the apostrophe to indicate omission or the possessive 
case: 
Every business man knows it’s meaning. 
He worked up to a managers position. 
I attended the Girl’s Secretarial School. 
I have had two year’s experience. 


Slt al Mee 


94 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


5. My three months experience helped me. 

6. Sixty-three years experience has taught us this. 

7. I completed a seven months business course. 

8. With this weeks order send a dozen cases of peaches. 
9. Wont you, therefore, return the goods? 

10. In it’s ten years of fair dealing, the firm has prospered. 
11. We can give you a six months guaranty. 

12. We sold these goods on thirty days credit. 

13. We have had ten years experience. 

14. I have had three years experience selling brake lining. 
15. We always insist upon each customer settling his account on 


2. Write the following sentences, correctly capitalizing, 
and justifying each capital you use: 


Our Cedar Chests are made from genuine southern pine. 
I saw your advertisement in the saturday evening post. 
I saw your goods advertised in the new york times. 
The popularity of this number 5 electric iron proves its woul 
He sells China ware. 
These China silks are imported. 
He entered the grand concourse at the grand central station, 
walked to gate seven, and entered platform seven. He walked along 
this platform until he came to car 225 of the twentieth century limited. 
The porter took him to compartment 37. Next morning when he awoke 
he found himself looking out upon the grain fields of the middle west. 

8. Please forward my letters to box 36, hotel cadillac, detroit, 
michigan. 

9. Last year he studied economics, English, banking, and history. 

10. He took botany 5, economics 11, and english 6 in his sophomore 
year. 

11. The class in business english meets in room 712. 

12. The fourth chapter is interesting. You will find chapter V 
useful in your business. 

13. He liked part IV of the book. 

14. The third section of the train will leave in ten minutes. 

15. He announced that section three will leave in ten minutes. 


pl AROSE RS MAS 


3. Write the following sentences, omitting or inserting 
commas according to whether you decide that the relative 
clause is limiting or explanatory. In each case, justify you 
choice. 


1. Inclosed is our circular which gives full information as to thi 
_ keyboard number of various models and the price of each model. 


| 
| ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 25 


_ 2, We are sending you one of our cook books which we know you 
will find helpful. 

| 3. The maximum length of term of the trade acceptance is ninety 
days on all except agricultural paper which is allowed to run six months. 
Commercial paper allowed to run longer is not safe. 

4. A woman who really knows something about clothes seldom 
buys a hat or a gown without consulting her husband; but a man who 
usually knows very little about fabrics or style seldom consults any 
opinion but his own. 

‘ 5. You have made a trade mistake in correcting which you will have 
considerable trouble. 

6. Our nearest competitor who had been advertising extensively 
for three years suddenly stopped his advertising. 

7. In my grandfather’s day that company’s advertising appropria- 
‘tion was three thousand dollars which was the largest amount spent 
/up to that time for local advertising. 

8. The commercial artist who won the prize has had only two 
/years’ experience. 

9. ‘The inspectors found a number of defective hides which they 
did not accept. 

10. The language that was used in business letters in 1875 sounds 
very old-fashioned today. 


| . Punctuate the following sentences correctly. Justify 
ach ‘mark of punctuation you use. 


1. As you probably know the old type of hot water bottle is being 
‘rapidly replaced by the new chemical hot bottle. 
2. Brown is entitled to the bonus for his sales record is excellent. 
‘In total of sales he has made an unusual record. 

3. Do not cease working for the reward of intelligent effort is 
advancement. 

4. When buying began suddenly to accelerate prices rose. 

5. Although the factories speeded up the output of finished products 
did not satisfy the demand. 
6. Our customers always receive courteous consideration satisfac- 
tion and prompt service. 
7. The new policy is advantageous to our customers for it is so 
designed that their needs are intelligently considered. 
_ 8. On the other side for about two thirds of the distance the sales- 
room i is divided into two sections one for the haberdashery and one for 
‘the suits and overcoats. 

9. I strongly urge you therefore to keep the shipment. 
' 10. If business men did not generously supply illustrative material 
writers on business subjects could not make their essays practical. 


96 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


5. The italicized words are incorrectly used. In each case 
state why the word is incorrectly used. Rewrite each sentence, 
substituting the correct word or phrase. 


1. We suggest that if you desire business references that you write 
to the Citizens State Bank in Mason City. 

2. I feel that after a few years with your company that I could 
master the technique of which you speak. 

3. There is no question but that you will realize the profit. 

4. I hope you will be able to use me and that if you can’t you 
will keep me in mind. 

5. Do you realize that while you are hesitating this way and 
ignoring our requests for payment that you are impairing your credit 
standing. 

6. These clothes find instant favor with men that thrill upon the 
completion of a forward pass. 

7. If you wish to return the dresses, you can do so at our expense. 

8. We are glad that you chose us as your manufactures. 

9. Please feel assured that we have no apprehensions as to the 
outcome of this account. (ultimate payment?) 

10. The increased interest means a raise in prices. 

11. The quality of this camebrick is unsurpassed. 

12. You need a young lady as secretary. 

13. In typed letters I am less apt to misspell. 

14. These are letters the writer is apt to be called upon to write. 

15. The goods were not sent, due to a mistake in the shipping 
department. 

16. We try to treat our customers just /ike we want to be treated. 
17. Another week has passed and your repair man has not appeared. 

18. Since I completed my course only last year, I have had little 
experience. 

19. The catalogs arrived this morning and the workmanship is 
not up to standard. 

20. We have thoroughly examined the pumps and can find no 
defects. 

21. You can whisper in the Silentphone. 

22. May we hope to hear from you soon with regards to your 
reservations? 

23. Send half of the order on March 1 and the balance on March 
10. 

24. Ours is different than any other candy. 

25. Do not go further. Stop here. 

26. We have a seperate department for women. 

27. Boy’s shoes for sale here. 


| 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 97 


28. Watch our weakly specials. 
29. Let us do your cleaning and dying. 
30. Wecan give you carload (car load, car-load?) shipments. 


6. Write the following sentences, filling in shall or will, and 
justifying your choice in each instance: 


1. Because I . . . move to Chicago I must find another position. 
2. I... gladly send you a case of my preserves on approval. 

3. Our dealer in your city . . . be glad to fill your order. 

4. Return the goods. We... gladly exchange them. 

5. We... leave the adjustment in your hands. 

6. ... you stop at Buffalo on the way west? 

7 . the copy writers begin on this problem? 

8. I... never permit that. 

9. If he misses another call, we . . . lose an old customer. 

10. Our salesman ... probably not be cordially received, but he 
. make the attempt, whatever happens. 


7. Each of the following sentences contains the wrong 


form of a verb. Substitute the correct verb. Why is your 


form correct ? 
1. It was only after 110,000,000 Timken tapered roller bearings 


had been made, sold, and thoroughly proved their right to pre-eminence 
in their field that they were adopted as worthy to be built into a product 
bearing the Dodge trade-mark. 


2. You cannot make a mistake if one of these patterns are chosen. 

3. This bottle will not lay in your showcase and accumulate dust. 

4. The goods specified in your order was billed at our usual terms. 

5. The leather in the shoes we sent you was heavier than that of 
the sample our salesman showed you. 

6. The silk in the gown you have was of a higher grade. 

7. Thank you for your order of twenty cases of June peas which 


‘was shipped yesterday. 


8. Your fair treatment of us in the past, and the high credit rating 
you have maintained, has convinced us of your willingness to refute 


this gossip. 


9. ‘The new and different character of this product appeal to men 
of taste. 
10. If you desire to have your letterheads bound, we will be glad 


‘to have you ship them back. 


11. If either of these assumptions are correct, kindly notify us. 
12. Fairness to all our customers compel us to adopt a standard 


credit policy, 


98 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


13. The household appliances at the disposal of the housewife has 
changed drudgery to pleasant activity. 

14. You state that prices on your last order were too high. 

15. You state that $115.00 was a high price for these suits. 

16. Suppose a beautiful maroon-colored inclosed car was standing 
in your driveway. 

17. Unless our customers pay their bills on time we would be 
unable to continue business. 


8. For each weak verb or verb phrase, substitute a more 
forceful verb. 


1. You may be able to use these attractive novelties as counter 
displays. 
The inclosed folder will give you complete details. — 
The low price on this fresh stock will insure larger sales. 
It would be to your advantage to buy in small shipments. 
I hope that my apology will be accepted. 
We hope that this explanation will prove satisfactory. 
Our large-scale production will save you money. 
This will acknowledge your letter of November 1, inclosing 
my order, corrections on which have carefully noted. 
9. See how easily these borders may be cleaned. 


Ri ee 


9. Rewrite the following sentences. Find modern equiva- 
lents for the stereotyped words and phrases. 


1. I trust you will adjust the aforementioned matters. 

2. ‘These are quality goods and you will dispose of same quickly. 

3. Yours of the 9th just received. 

4. We are replacing the broken dish and rushing same to you by 
air mail. 

5. In response to yours of the 5th inst. we wish to advise that a 
medium grade of cotton was used in making up your order. 

6. We acknowledge your order and assure you same will have 
our immediate attention. 

7. I need your repair man in the worst way. 

8. I take the liberty of asking that you grant me an interview. 

9. We are pleased to advise that our prices are as low as any 
candy jobber’s. 

10. We acknowledge receipt of your letter of July 21, with refer- 
ence to your account in amount of $750. 

11. Yours of the 8th inst. received and contents noted. 

12. The goods were shipped as per your order of May 10. 

13. I wish to advise you that the shipment left our factory in good 
condition, 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 99 


14. If the number of reservations would warrant same, we shall 
be glad to operate through sleeping cars for your party. 

15. I trust that our terms may meet with your approval and that 
you will favor us with your valuable order. 


10. Rewrite each of the following groups, breaking up 
the thought heaps into unified sentences: 


1. Just show the card to your father and have him sign it, then 
send it back to us. 

2. We call your attention to your past-due account, no doubt you 
have overlooked it in the rush of business. 

3. We were sorry to learn from your letter of March 20 that 
you failed to receive the February and March, 1925, issues of the Na- 

tional Geographic Magazine and since it is apparent that the former 
which was forwarded in the regular course of mailing bearing your 
correct name and address, miscarried en route, we have been very glad 
- to supply a duplicate. 

4. We realize, however, the embarrassing position in which this 

places you and although we are not to blame for the breakage we are 
_ shipping you a duplicate of the mirror broken in transit and we shall 
_ take up the matter with the express company. 

5. I waited patiently for a week, then in despair I sent you a night 

letter, but it has not been answered. 

6. You may feel at first that these requirements are arbitrary, 

_ but we feel sure that on second thought you will realize that they 

are only in conformity with proper business procedure, not reflecting 
on the responsibility of any particular individual, but only following 
a general credit policy that has been long established. 

7. The inclosed booklet will give you an idea of our kennels, and 
we should be very pleased to have you motor out next Saturday and 
bring your son, as that is children’s day with us and all the kiddies 
have a chance to play with their prospective playmate. 

8. You may prefer to withdraw your order, if so you will not 
offend us. 

9. We feel sure that it is merely an oversight that you have neg- 
lected this matter, as heretofore when you were dissatisfied with any 

article bought from us, you immediately returned it, which is exactly 
what we desire our customers to feel they have the privilege to do. 

10. All you have to do is to attach $3 to the card we shall send 

_ you each week, mail it, and before you realize it the washer is paid for. 
11. Our business necessitates many small accounts, much trouble 
is saved if each one is paid promptly. 
| 12. Read the folder then mail the order. 
13. There may be cheaper machines built, you don’t want them. 


100 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Our machines are built to last a lifetime, a novice can operate them. 
You deal with us directly, we have no dealers. 

14. We consider you one of our valued customers and we certainil 
do not want to lose your patronage but, on the other hand, you must 
realize that unless our customers pay their bills on time, we should be 
unable to continue business, especially inasmuch as charge accounts are 
concerned, as we have one thousand customers who are buying on the 
credit plan. 

15. We do a wholesale business only, therefore we cannot supply 
the windshield cleaner, but we have four representatives in Buffalo, 
any one of whom will be glad to demonstrate the operation of our 
cleaner, so we urge you to get in touch with one of the following 
stores. 


11. Convert each of the following incomplete statements 
into a unified sentence: 


1. Answering your inquiry, reference houses selling for $8000 or 
less. 

2. Answering your letter of recent date, in which you ask for our 
best price on Utility Brand linens. 

3. Believe I can obtain better results doing purchasing work and 
that department at Lowe’s is limited. 

4. This being the ideal time of year to enjoy a motor car. 

5. Regret delay, but did best we could under circumstances. 

6. Thanking you for your letter of July 7 which gives us an op- 
portunity to explain our policy. 

7. So that in the future your orders will be filled according to 
these specifications. 

8. The quality is unsurpassed. While the price is low. 

9. He made ten calls. Receiving six orders. 

10. The new man sold eight brushes yesterday. Also a sweeper. 


12. Point out illogical connections in the following sen- 
tences. Explain briefly what the fault is in each case. Re 
write the sentence. 


1. We carefully packed this set before leaving the factory. 

2. When buying from a mail order house, merchandise is chosen 
from the catalogue by the customer. 

3. ‘Thank you for the information concerning the financial condi- 
tion of your business which you gave us in your letter of February 12. 

4. This tea is accurately measured and packed by special machines 
in handy gauze bags. 

5. In applying for this position the inclosed statement is submittal | 
to you. 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 101 


6. In making a study of business English, two things must be 
considered by me. 

7. You will realize that this is our wholesale price and cannot be 
filled more than once. 

8. We also furnish you with an illustrated instruction book of 
recipes, simple to make and delicious to eat. 

9. Before buying, we know you will want to see the articles. 

10. The office boy admitted the caller, but instead of receiving a 
courteous greeting, the man knocked him down. 

11. As a customer of long standing we have always found you 
prompt in your payments. 

12. By sending back the damaged hides, at our expense, we shall 
replace them. We suggest that the railroad company be consulted 
before going further in this matter. 

13. We are glad you are interested in this book and will be pleased 
to send you a copy. 

14. It is our established policy to grant an exclusive agency for 
the sale of our products to one store in a town. 

15. I guarantee to save you money and will cheerfully refund if 

not satisfied. 
| 16. By purchasing pencils in job lots we do not believe you will 
De satisfied. 
17. ‘To obtain the largest profits we can best serve you by frequent 
but small shipments of candy. 

18. We hope this information will be entirely satisfactory and will 
appreciate your order. 
| 19. We trust in the future that you will take advantage of the 
discount. 

20. While planning your vacation in Atlantic City, we wish to call 
your attention to the Hotel Morton. 

21. We only sell to the wholesale trade. 

22. In these books you find a new world at night by the fireside 

‘in an easy chair. 

23. We only want you to be satisfied. 

24. ‘Thus credit allows the buyer to pay for the goods he is re- 
ceiving now at some future time. | 

_ 25. In doing this the service element is stressed by the credit man. 

26. Please quote your lowest price on your best creamery butter 
In cases packed in pound boxes. , 

_ 27. I decided to enroll in the course you are giving for a number 
of reasons. 
28. Permit me to send you without obligation the October issue 
‘of the Industrial Arts Magazine by signing the inclosed stamped post 
card. 


102 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


29. Let the Xtra Hatcher start you on a successful poultry year 
by sending in your order at once. 

30. The dealer’s profit is eliminated by shipping direct to you. 

31. LI hope that you will unhesitatingly agree and await your reply. 


13. Rewrite the following sentences, correcting the faulty 
use of pronouns. Justify your revision. 

1. He had a typewriter in his office which had been his grand- 
father’s. 

2. It is a thrifty business man who takes advantage of these dis- 
counts and pays their bills promptly. 

3. Everyone who buys a hot water bag complains because they 
last only a short time. 

4. The demand created for our products by our advertising is 
enormous, so that you can dispose of it promptly at a good profit. 

5. Mr. Brennan was made manager, which necessitated a change 
in my work. 

6. Each letter contained four paragraphs and averaged 153 words, 
which allows about 38 words to each paragraph. 

7. A copy will be gladly mailed to anyone who makes a request 
on their business stationery. 

8. Further delay will impair your credit, which neither of us wants. 

9. Our large production and the direct-to-the-consumer sales have 
done away with a good deal of expense. This we gladly transmit to 
you. 

10. The school board has appointed me for the coming year, but 
they are willing to release me if I can better myself. 

11. Yours friends returned from California last summer with snap- 
shots of all the unique things they saw and did. ‘There were the 
Indians who posed as the train stopped; here they were on horseback 
in Yellowstone; here they had taken beautiful scenes of the Grand 
Canyon. 

12. Inclosed are cuts showing ‘“‘closed car comforts at open car 
cost”? which gives you the detailed specifications. 

13. Anyone of our dealers in your city will demonstrate the washer 
gladly if you call at their store. 

14. If we made any exceptions it would be unfair to other dealers. 

15. An exclusive agency sells our tires. They have the right to 
all sales in the territory. 

16. We carry all sizes mentioned in the folder, which enables us 
to give you prompt and economical service. 

17. One man “just reads” a book, but another reads the same and 
gets something out of it. 








ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 103 


18. The moth is a tiny animal, but unless you have one of our 
cedar chests you must fight them. 

19. The inclosed folder, illustrated in color, shows you and tells 
you all about Silentphone. It shows you how it looks on the telephone 
instrument and how it works. Be sure to read it carefully. 

20. The annual report of the American Telephone and Telegraph 
Company gives an example of money wisely invested in a new invention 
that brought unbelievable results) One hundred dollars invested in 
original Bell stock is worth $45,000 today. 


14. Rewrite the following sentences, each of which con- 
tains a false statement of comparison. 


1. ‘The material used is much better than his last suit. 

2. Our volume of business compared favorably with the previous 
periods. 

3. Your competitors are reaping the benefits because they use a 
less expensive and modern method of delivery. 

4. The operations of a business man are generally on a larger 
scale than the average professional man. 

5. The rent in these apartments is much less than apartment hotels. 

6. Our prices are lower than any store in town. 

7. An advertisement in our magazine assures better results than 
any other periodical. 

8. Rockefeller has more money than any American. 


15. Rewrite the following sentences to correct errors in 
parallel structure. Phrases and clauses performing similar 
functions should be parallel in form. 


1. Our company enjoys a good reputation for integrity and as 
a manufacturer of first-class shoes. 

2. We hope we may have an order from you in the near future 
and that this information will be satisfactory. 

3. The division of the material in this report is one of emphasis 
and for unmistakable clearness. 

4. Won’t you make out your initial order at once, by filling in the 
quantities of each item you can use, then slip the list into the inclosed 
envelope, and mail it immediately. 

5. Not having been able to obtain, through banks or agencies at 
his disposal, any information concerning your good rating, and as he 


— did not know the rules governing such cases as yours, the new manager 


sent the goods C. O. D. 


6. The salesroom is fifty feet wide, eighty feet in length, and 
eighteen feet high. 


104 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


16. Recast the following sentences, using subordination 
in place of the weak co-ordination. In no case break up the 
sentence into two sentences. 


1. Last month I sent you an order and overpaid two dollars. 

2. We always have an excellent collection of collies at our kennels 
and we are writing you about Bobbie and he is one of our prize dogs. 

3. Our price for the collie is $55 and I assure you it is impossible 
to train pedigreed dogs for less than that amount. 

4. No goods were bought from commission houses and all were 
converted by us, so I am thoroughly acquainted with the converting 
business. 

5. My work is not congenial and for this reason I wish to change 
my position. 

6. I graduated from high school and have taken courses in type- 
writing there. 

7. My services have been satisfactory to my employer and he will 
recommend me. 

8. Your repair man has not been here and it is over a week since 
you assured me he would call promptly. 

9. I sent you the money for this man’s subscription and his check 
was returned to me marked “insufficient funds.” | 

10. A week ago you promised to send Mr. Jones and he has not 
appeared yet. 

11. We are pleased to open an account for you and our usual credit 
terms are 3/10 n/30. 

12. Rollins silks are made to wear and a great deal of care is 
taken in the manufacture of it. | 

13. We are glad to do anything we can to give you satisfaction 
and any request will always receive immediate attention. 

14. The price of the printing was really cost price and so we wish 
to explain the course of the charge. 

15. Why not rid yourself of the yearly gamble and increase your 
profits with the Xtra Hatcher? ; 


17, The following sentences need to be condensed. State 
briefly why each is wordy. Then rewrite the sentence. i 


1. A greater volume of business results from the handling of 
nothing but fresh stock at all times. 

2. We do no price cutting ever. 

3. It is not to your advantage to buy in large job lots. ; 

4. It is with pleasure that we acknowledge the receipt of your ! 
letter of July 7. 

5. All our dealers are pleased with our service to them. 





ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 105 


6. In answer to your letter of June 5, we are glad to state that 
we are sending you our complete catalogue. 

7. Our bookkeeper called my attention to the fact that you had 
not yet paid your bill. 

8. It is our desire to co-operate with you fully in every possible 
way we can and to make the sale of C. L. products very profitable to 
you as well as to us at all times. 

9. We hope that this order is the beginning of mutually profitable 
and pleasant relations between us. 

10. We thought it would be more convenient for you to deduct 
two dollars from your next remittance to us. 

11. Our reason for changing the lacquer on the candlesticks was 
due to the fact that the material used in the sample was rejected for 
faulty and unsatisfactory ingredients. 

12. ‘Thank you very much for the interview that you gave me. 

13. The letters have few mistakes in them. 

14. This phrase contradicts the general meaning of the rest of the 
letter. 

15. Examine the attached color chart and you will find a shade 
that will harmonize with the tone of your china and that will ac- 
centuate the beauty of your table decorations. 

16. In this case a statement certifying to his character and general 
ability from his former employer would be of assistance to his obtain- 
ing a position where he is unknown. 

17. While I am making strenuous efforts to eliminate unnecessary 
words and ideas, I often find that I very frequently excise so much 
that my sentence becomes obscure. (Compare Horace: In laboring to 
be concise, I become obscure. ) 

18. We are always ready and willing to make allowances for un- 
usual circumstances that come up. 

19. To extend another 30 days’ credit would break down our 
policy which we have already established. 

20. We have investigated the credit references that you gave us. 

21. It is not generally customary to have letterheads in more than 
two colors. 

22. Did you ever stop to think of the romance that may be found 
in the furniture which you see each day ? 


_ 18. Condense the following letter: 
Dear Sir: 


We are glad to receive your request for our book, ‘“‘Art in the Far 
East.” 


106 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


You will readily understand, we know, that so interesting and absolutely 
valuable a book as this must be very carefully treasured. Were it your, 
very own, we are sure you would keep it from hands and eyes that you 
fear might mutilate it in any way. 


To protect ourselves we have also tried to do this. 


Consequently, after discussion, we decided to incorporate in our ad- 
vertisement the suggestion that those who wish the book on approval 
would receive it if they gave us the following assurances: 


To write a request for the book on an official business letterhead. 
To state the writer’s official position. 


This we felt would be fair for every inquirer who wrote in for the 
valuable book. 


Your name has been put on our list of those who are to receive the book 
as soon as we have received a letter conforming to our established re- 
quirements, which are stated above as well as in the advertisement you 
saw. 


We hope to receive your letter soon so that we may have the privilege 
of sending you this valuable book on approval. 
Very truly yours, 


19. Miscellaneous faults in correctness and compactness. 
Carefully revise each sentence in the following letters. State 
exactly in what respect correctness is violated. Rewrite each 
sentence you find faulty. 


1. We are wondering why you are withholding payment and ignore 
our request’s. Perhaps there is some reason for your failure to make 
these payments, if this is the case we would be glad to know about it 
as it is note our desire to work a hardship on any of our customers. 


2. This shirt is just like new, except in the two places you have 
mention, and if you have your wife when she washes the shirt to iron 
it out good over the split parts it will draw them togeather to a certain. 
extent and will not be so noticeable, and you still will be able to re- 
ceive plenty of service out of this shirt yet. We have just receive our 
new line of fibre silk shirts and I would like the pleasure of showing 
them to you. If it is entirely satisfactory to you Mr. Jerian we will 
give you an adjustment of 20% on a new shirt. | 


3. I would like to advise that my murchandice are not in well con-| 
dition, and so I wont be possible to sell in this market, and further- | 
more these are not the same you showed me. | 


Now you must get back your murchandise. I am through with our. 





ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CORRECTNESS 107 


sartnership. I thought that you were fair; that is why I trust your 
words, but I find out that all were bunk. 


Waiting your further reply. 
Very Truly, 


t All the time you hav had a feeling that prices wer too hy. Some- 
dody wasn’t running his business right. Retail prices convinst you of 
chat. 


John Ward shoes are bilt to the hyest standard for men’s fine footwear. 


5. Your’s of February 5 to hand and sure want to thank you for 
<indly helping me out. I went through my stock of jackets and I find 
‘en numbers that I did not as yet break into, and I was glad to avail 
myself of the chance you gave me to return these jackets for credit, and 
{ hope to send half of the balance by the first of next month, or maybe 
sooner, as I am announcing a special sale to get in some cash so I can 
yay some of my bills and am certainly going to see to it that I send you 
all I can because you are willing to help me out. 


5. I turned your letter over to Sta. F for them to look into the matter 
‘or you as I do not see any of the mail for the instructors it is taken 
lirect to the buildings by the letter carriers. Sta. F returned your 
etter with the inclosed tracer for you to fill out and return to them. 


7, Referring to the above association meeting in Chicago, III., Decem- 
yer 29-31, we beg to call your particular attention to our ‘“Twentieth 
Century Limited” train leaving New York at 2:45 p. m. arriving 
Vhicago 9:45 a. m. next morning: extra fare on the Century $9.60. 


3. Inclosed herewith kindly find policy of Burglary only Insurance 
‘or a period of four months in accordance with your recent order. 
Trusting same will meet with your approval and thanking you for this 
dusiness, I remain, 


), In reply to your postal with reference to rubber tips, beg to say 
that we will trace same immediately. 


Regarding the checking of the crotch mahogany furniture, we beg to 
‘ay that it is impossible to change as we have not seen one piece that 
lid not check as they all do more or less and same is not considered 
in imperfection whatever. ‘The table certainly was in as good shape 
is could be when it left the store as the writer seen it himself and paid 
varticular attention to it. The change of atmosphere has a very strong 
‘ffect on all veneered furniture and maybe it was in a damp car which 
iffected it. However, you will find this no difficulty, if you will get 
i finisher to rub it off in the house it will not have to leave the room 
it all. There is no better furniture made than you have for any money. 
You can proof this very easily by asking your dealers for any better 


108 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


furniture made than the Royal Furniture Co., Grand Rapids, Mich 
makes which made your furniture. 
Hope you will not find any difficulty in receiving rubber tips. We 
will give this our prompt attention. 


10. Inclosed herewith kindly find policy of Public Liability and prop 
erty damage protection, covering the operation of your new Franklir 
car which now completes your recent order for insurance protection. 


Trusting same will meet with your approval and remaining at your 
further service, | am 


20. Discuss the following sentences for correctness in the 
use of the hyphen: 


This letter is well written. 

This is a carefully constructed report. 

The semiannual report of the company is well written. 
This compartment is water tight. 

The three inch pipe burst on the third floor. 

The contract is, in that respect, iron clad. 

The salesman must exercise self control. 

She is a high school graduate. 

You may leave the report tonight or tomorrow morning. 
Inter urban cars are being supplanted by motor busses. 


Sen hee ee RN AS 


_—~ 


21. In each case justify the division, or substitute the 
correct form. Some of the following words are correctly 
divided, others not: 


Punc-tuation gin-gham 
prin-ciple com-mit-tee 
intro-duc-tion pre-sident, 
bet-ween rep-ort 
busin-ess cre-dit-or 
pun-ish-able mis-cell-aneous 


con-sig-nment dis-place-ment. 





CHAPTER IV 


THE ESSENTIAL QUALITIES OF BUSINESS WRIT- 
PNG: CHARACTER; CONCRETENESS; 
CHEERFULNESS 


Style has been defined as that quality which makes your 
writing agreeably and effectively different. Style is person- 
ality revealing itself through language. Your style is agree- 
able if you think and feel vividly and express yourself natu- 
rally on the tone level best suited to your subject and your 
reader. 


Character. 


It is useless to argue as to whether business writing should 
or should not have style. Every writing has either good or 
bad style. The most matter-of-fact report or letter still re- 
veals something of the personality of the author. In business 
writing there is not, of course, the same free play of person- 
ality as in literary masterpieces, or, to a lesser degree, in inti- 
mate letters between friends. ‘The difference, however, is one 
of degree, not of kind. 

__ The poet Wordsworth, for example, because he was a mas- 
ter of expression, revealed himself in every line of his poetry. 
A man quoted a few lines of Wordsworth’s poetry to Cole- 
ridge, challenging him to identify the author. Coleridge im- 
mediately stated that he would recognize the quoted lines 
even though he found them alone in the Desert of Sahara. 
He recognized them because they possessed the unmistakable 
stamp of Wordsworth’s personality. In the same way, men 
well versed in advertising can and do quickly identify unsigned 
copy. Certain well-defined stylistic traits enable them to rec- 
ognize the individual author or the agency responsible for the 
copy. 


109 


110 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Style, then, expresses individuality. This life-giving 
leaven vitalizes and invigorates expression. And here, par- 
ticularly in large establishments, there is often an apparent 
conflict between individual character and house character. Al- 
though personal preferences must necessarily accommodate 
themselves to house character in many ways, the writer must 
beware of suppressing his individuality. He should guard in- 
dividuality jealously as his most prized asset. 

A real danger lies in the fact that correspondents, once they 
have hit upon what they please to call personality in style, 
hold themselves forever after to a narrow groove. ‘Their let- 
ters reveal a sameness in sentence structure and choice of 
words. Such habits are negative. They kill style, for style is 
as flexible as a living being. Human interest cannot be secured 
by a mechanical repetition of sentence forms, and mummified 
expressions cannot give a true ring of sincerity. 

Words are common property. The unabridged diction- 
ary contains no fewer than 400,000 words, and the ordinary 
desk dictionary puts at the writer’s disposal no less than 
80,000 modern words. When, however, words are combined 
into sentences, the character of the writer emerges. The 
sentence is the unit of style. It is the result of the writer’s 
personality at work upon words selected from the common 
fund. 

Character, therefore, is manifested, first, in the kind of 
words chosen, and secondly, in the way these are combined 
into phrases, clauses, and sentences, and these again into para- 
graphs. A weak character chooses commonplace, even hack- 
neyed, expressions. A strong character finds new combina- 
tions of words that precisely and vigorously convey the 
thought. 


Colorless. 


Thank you for your letter of the 
8th. Inclosed herewith is my first 
lesson, which please return at your 
earliest convenience, as I want your 
comments. 


Character. 


Many thanks for your letter of 
October 8. 

I am anxiously awaiting your com- 
ment on my first lesson, which I 
am inclosing. 
You may be assured that I am 
giving this course the best there is 
in me, and that I shall fully ap- 
preciate your assistance. | 





ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CONCRETENESS 111 


Concreteness. 


Specific, concrete words are the life of style. Colorful, 
image-making words vitalize expression. Imaginative treat- 
ment glorifies the most prosaic material and lifts it out of the 
rut of the commonplace. 

To vivify your sentences, observe the following require- 
ments: 


1. See details. See details clearly. See them vividly. 

2. Explain the abstract in concrete terms. 

3. Clarify your thought by use of simple figures of speech. 

4. Make the commonplace unusual by saying an old thing 
in a new way. 

5. Appeal to the senses. Bread, for example, is not sold 
by price and weight, but through nose and eyes. 


Be specific.—Before he can phrase clearly, the writer must 
learn to see clearly. Because specific details, vividly phrased, 
make a definite impression, he must train himself to close 
observation. An eye that does not telegraph a clear-cut image 
to the brain is not a good servant. How can the writer 
choose descriptive words with precision if a detailed image 
is not first imprinted on the mind? 

One significant detail clearly imprinted upon the writer’s 

consciousness can be pointedly phrased so as to make a more 
vivid impression than a whole page of explanation. A sentence 
used by a company insuring property titles illustrates this: 


Every stroke of a pen for generations back, in the recording of your 
property, is scrutinized by our experts when we insure your title. 


The writer who captured this significant detail and fea- 
tured it successfully could not be guilty of the following vague 
statement, which studiously avoids details: 


As you have made no purchases from us for some time now, we are 
wondering if everything has been satisfactory. 


__ This sentence reveals a fundamental inability to see the 
“Specific details that make a definite appeal to the customer. 
A writer with an eye and a mind for details phrased this part 
of his letter as follows: 


112 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


In reviewing our accounts with customers, we notice that your 
account has been inactive during the past six months. If, therefore, 
our goods have not pleased you, or if the high standard of service you 
expect from us has not in every way met your individual needs, we shall 
appreciate being informed as to how we have fallen short. 


The following advertisement shows how sprightly phras- 

ing can make even a formidable array of dry details inter- 
esting. 
Our New Book of Types and our Book of New Types are just off the 
press and far off the rutted road. They are a veritable Encyclopedia 
of Composition, containing, in addition to an army of leaden soldiers 
in serried ranks, a plethora of ornaments, borders, and initials, together 
with the entire series of our advertisements in Printers’ Ink. ‘Thus these 
two books show types not merely loafing around the case, but working 
for business. "They comprise 232 pages, 514 by 8%, loose-leaf (to 
permit the insertion of fresh material as issued from time to time), and 
are bound with a pebbled embossed black cover. Your name is stamped 
in gold upon the front, each copy is numbered, and the edition is limited 
to the cognoscenti who are intrigued by the pungent perfume of ink 
and the musical murmur of a proof-sheet. 


Vague. Specific. 
We offer a wide range of color Here you find green, henna, or 
selections from which to choose. black with Japanese mink fur— 
navy blue with natural gray squit- 
rel fur—or medium brown with 
beaver fur. 


Avoid the abstract appeal— When confronted with an ab- 
straction, present it concretely. Because abstractions are 
bloodless, they lack vitality to stir the reader. They appeal 
to the intellect only, leaving the emotions cold. Invisible, im- 
palpable, intangible, imponderable as they are to the five 
senses, abstractions cannot awaken the impressions of form, 
color, and solidity necessary in the human appeal. | 

You can, for example, carry on a lengthy abstract discus- 
sion of the Seven Deadly Sins without giving one in a hundred. 
of the ordinary run of mortals as much as a vague idea of 
what they are. But let a Spenser portray these sins in the 
guise of men, appropriately dressed and riding in parade on. 
animals symbolizing the different sins, and the impression is. 





ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CONCRETENESS 113 


definite, fresh, and vivid. Spenser interprets them in terms 
of flesh and blood. 

Bank promotion men now realize that thrift propaganda 
cannot be made enticing by an appeal to thrift alone. In 
itself thrift must ever rank low as an appeal. Thrift is an 
abstract thing. Preachments on the virtues of thrift have 
therefore been replaced by definite, concrete appeals. These 
appeals take the tangible form of Christmas clubs and vaca- 
tion clubs. Where thrift as an abstract virtue failed to in- 
crease deposits, the definite objective associated with the 
Christmas club idea has swelled the number of depositors. 

Use figures of speech.—There is no more effective way of 
making your appeal concrete than by the use of figures of 
speech, which, however, must be simple, compact, and appro- 
priate. 

So a radio manufacturer writes concerning his loudspeaker : 


“Clear as a Stradivarius in tone.” 


His purpose is to create a favorable impression of his loud- 
speaker. Ihe comparison links the reader’s established favor- 
able impression of the clear tone of the Stradivarius with the 
favorable impression the seller is trying to create in the 
reader’s mind regarding the loudspeaker. The image sug- 
gested by “Stradivarius” is concrete, but at the same time 
pleasant and dignified. By associating the loudspeaker with 
the undisputed musical perfection of a Stradivarius violin, the 
comparison creates a definite impression of clear tone value. 
To emphasize the importance of a clearly defined core- 
thought about which to group supporting ideas, drive home 
your thought by visualizing it in terms of natural history. 


Like the modern piece of copy, the essay grows around a central 
object or idea as the cocoon grows around the silkworm. 

Or again, concerning the salesman: 

If one appeal fails, he tries another. His quiver is full of arrows 


barbed with different selling points. 


Notice that this is an implied comparison. 
/ James Wallen goes to the nursery for an illuminating 
comparison: 





114 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Years ago, when American advertising was in the soothing syrup 
age, the English proprietor of Pears Soap did a revolutionary thing. 
He deftly stepped ahead of the procession by purchasing a painting 
by Sir John Millais. 


Appeal to the senses.—The commonplace is made inter- 
esting and unusual by using colorful words, with a strong ap- 
peal to the senses. Old things can be phrased in a new way 
if the words are fresh and stimulating. Mr. Robert R. Upde- 
graff calls attention to the value of the sense appeal in the 
following story of how modern methods superseded the old 
secretive procedure in bakeries. 


Along came a man with imagination about people, and turned 
the bakery inside out. He thought people would like to see their 
bread baked and to know that it was fresh and clean, and so he put 
the ovens and the bakers in the front window. ‘Then he went 
farther. I am told that it was not until he took this last step that 
he was completely successful. He cut holes in the fronts of his 
open-face bakeries and set in blowers to blow the smell of the fresh- 
baked bread out to the sidewalk to lure people in to buy. ‘This 
man merely applied to bread the same selling psychology that has 
been the success of the delicatessen, the cafeteria, the glass-walled 
popcorn machine, the “hot-dog’”’ man, and the modern bakery-restaurant 
with its windows full of high-art pastry. He recognized the important 
fact that food is sold to the masses through their eyes and their noses; 
and with keen marketing imagination he put these two purchasing 
senses effectively to work in selling this staple of life. , 


Just as the baker prospered by means of actual stimula-’ 
tion of the senses, the business writer may succeed by putting 
his imagination to work on words. He can paint a sugges- 
tive word picture that places his product enticingly before the. 
reader. In the following advertisement, Sun-Maid Raisin’ 
clusters are represented alluringly as an indispensable part of 
the Christmas dinner. “The copy does not talk about raisins. 
They are represented in terms of the housekeeper’s expert 
ence. ‘The appeal to sight and taste is couched in definite, con- 
crete words, and it is enriched and dignified by the appeal to 
sentiment and age-old custom. 





How well they kept the glad feast day in the olden time. 
There was the boar’s head, stuffed with chestnuts, a bright red 
apple in his mouth. The roasted peacock was there, with its tail spread 





ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CONCRETENESS 115 


like a gorgeous fan. The parti-colored pastries, the spiced and honeyed 
wines— 

Then, the best loved delicacy of all—the ‘‘raisyns” in full, beautiful 
clusters brought from sunny, far-off lands. 

Like the lords and ladies of old, we still give the festive bowl of 
clustered raisins an honored place at Christmas time. 

In golden California, in clusters of matchless beauty, the grapes grow 
to the fullness of their rich, ripe flavor. The clean, mellow California 
sunshine transforms the royal fruit, with all its stored-up goodness, into 
Sun-Maid Raisins—large and plump and juicy. 


In the following, the appeal to taste and sight is again 
mingled with the appeal to sentiment. Notice how delicately 
the comparison of the factory product with the home product 
is made favorable to the former. 


Luscious red tomatoes—ripened by the sun in old-fashioned gardens 
—picked in the morning with the dew still upon them—delicately 
seasoned and spiced just enough to bring out the ripened flavor of 
fresh tomatoes—the full flavor of home-grown tomatoes. 

Taste a half-teaspoonful of Blue Label—smack your lips over it— 
get the full sweet tomato zest. 

Now try the other. If it’s your own home-made or Mother’s, you 
will see for yourself how well they compare and why Blue Label is 
called the ketchup with the full flavor of home-grown tomatoes. 


Appeals to the senses of smell, touch, and hearing can be 
made equally effective. 


Smell: When you sit down to a generous dish of Wheatena, your 
appetite is whetted by the delicate aroma of whole wheat. 

Touch: Hansen Gloves—warm, friendly. ‘The Hansen has been 
galled the Friendly Glove. It clings without binding, wears well, and 
lasts long. 

_ Hearing: This noiseless typewriter eliminates that metallic staccato 
80 irritating in large and small offices. 


In the following excerpt from a Clicquot Club advertise- 
ment the skillful writer runs the gamut of sense appeals. His 
compact sentences are rich in suggestion because he shows re- 
straint. He has gained power by limiting himself to a few 
well-chosen words that create a definite sense impression. 
What a shimmery, deep, rich gold it is! What a satisfying ginger 
tang, and life, and sparkle it has. . . . Some like it chilled. Some like 
the cold ice to clink against the glass and nubble against the lips. 





116 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Cheerfulness. 


The cartoonist’s Mrs. Gibbs, on the “funny” page, is not 
precisely an exemplar of human felicity. Her object in life 
is to discover shortcomings, oversights, faults, and weak- 
nesses in the character and daily life of the cheerful but much- 
pestered Mr. Gibbs. Her type, both male and female, is 
identified by the picturesque tag “‘killjoy.” Mrs. Gibbs could 
never make a success of business writing. Her point of view 
is wrong. 

Anyone who has attended a convention of the Associated 
Ad Men of the World, or of the Direct by Mail Advertising 
Association, is exhilarated by the pervasive spirit of optimism, 
good will, and service genuinely characterizing the men and 
women who follow the profession of business writing. In 
fact, their instinct for helping man to live comfortably and 
happily is so highly developed and is so patently revealed in 
all they say and write, that humorous comment is not only 
tempting but also illuminating. ‘The following quotation de- 
scribes a perfect day lived in the millennium pictured in mod- 
ern business writings. 


Friend wife awakes in the morning with a smile after a most re- 
freshing night’s rest on a Summons Iron Bed. She is awakened by the 
merry tinkle of a Big James alarm clock, which is not only infallibly 
punctual, but also tunefully musical. She arises, smiling, and uses 
Bear’s soap, which cleans the skin and clears the disposition. Smiling 
happily, she lifts a steaming breakfast out of the Hotstuff Fireless 
Cooker, and we sit down, smiling affectionately at each other, to a. 
table set with Dodger’s Plate, which is guaranteed for twenty years. 
We then consume some delicious Moonstruck oranges, in addition to 
fireless-cooked Baker’s Oats, with special smiles appropriate to each. 
Next, I don my Snob’s hat, my Business College Brand Coat, and 
smiling nobly, kiss friend wife on the Airless Weatherstripped door- | 
step. She smiles encouragingly and affectionately at me as I set off 
for the job in my Ask-a-Man-Who-Knows-a-Man-Who-Owns-One, 
and then she goes back and smiles ecstatically as she turns on the Shak- 
emup Automatic Dishwasher. After a hard day at the office, which 
consists of smiling suitably while I press automatic buttons that operate 
labor-saving and efficiency devices, I smoothlessly and stoplessly glide 
back to the dear little Own-Your-Own Home. Wifey stands in the 
doorway, smiling delightedly and revealing the beautiful results of con- | 
stant use of No Pyorrhea for Me. I smile back at her, demonstrating 


. 





ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CHEERFULNESS 117 


the satisfactory quantity as well as quality of our tooth powder used 
by two. I note wifey’s wonderful complexion and upon being assured 
that it is due to Peachblow Face Powder and nothing else, I kiss her. 
She kisses me. We kiss each other. ‘Then we smile. In the evening 
we smile interestedly at a Parahill Picture and go home smiling, no 
matter how sad it was. We hop into our Summons Twin Beds and 
drift into peaceful slumber, smiling, ye gods, still smiling. We don’t 
need to sleep. All night we smile. Life is too happy for sleep. We 
might miss something to smile at. 


In the struggle of competition there is no place for the 
negative-minded man. ‘That man alone survives who has a 
positive, forward-looking vision. The function of business 
writing is to build up. Its aim, especially in reports, advertis- 
ing copy, and business letters, is constructive. Optimism, not 
pessimism, overcomes obstacles. The smile, which is cheer- 
ful, attracts; the frown, which is gloomy, repels. Darkness is 
repellent; light, attractive. A generous spirit of service wins 
orders where grudging concession loses them. Faith in your 
firm and its product stimulates you to greater effort; a sus- 
Ppicious attitude palsies activity. The open-minded approach 
makes satisfactory adjustment possible in places where a prej- 
udiced attitude stiffens opposition and deepens the gloom. 

1. Use cheerful material Avoid the negative element in 
‘point of view and in substance. You must see the bright side 
of your problem and be able to select constructive details that 
impress upon the reader the positive values of your appeal. 
Imbue your sentences with an infectious optimism expressed 
with zest. Throw light on darkness. Darkness cannot be ban- 
ished, but, as Emerson observed, it can be surrounded with 
light. ‘Troubles there are in plenty, within and without the 
adjustment department. By using ingenuity, analysis, and 
vision based on imaginative insight, you can always find a 
Positive solution. 

__ The cheerful man is doubly blessed. He serves his firm 
at the same time that he makes the customer see light. In 
| 1924, for example, the New Jersey Public Service Electric and 
‘Gas Company installed a new system of meter-reading, bill 
delivery, and accounting. Obviously, such a change on a state- 
wide scale involved considerable confusion and trouble to 
‘customers. To avoid creation of ill will, the company ana- 
lyzed the problem in all its details. The purpose was to find 


118 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


not so much how ill will could be avoided, but rather how 
good will could be created as a result of the contemplated 
sweeping changes. Full consideration was given to the cus- 
tomer’s point of view in the following successful constructive 
appeal, which was formulated and widely advertised through- 
out New Jersey before and during the progress of the change. 


Now all meters are read the latter part of each month. It is proposed 
to distribute this work, together with billing and accounting, evenly 
throughout the whole month. Thus more attention can be given in 
individual cases where necessary congestion will be avoided, and the 
customer’s time will be saved. 


Under the new plan, customers will receive their bills monthly, within 
a few days, instead of ten days or two weeks, after meters have been 
tread. ‘This enables them to keep a closer check on consumption of elec- 
tricity and gas, and to make more timely comparisons of bills with their 
household or business budget. 


A feature of the new system that will appeal to many customers who 
use both gas and electricity on the same premises will be the use of a 
single itemized bill, instead of two bills each month as at present, to 
cover the two services. 


These and other positive appeals were utilized to impress 
upon consumers the desire of the company to furnish the best 
possible service. Cheerfulness and consideration, working 
hand in hand, put consumers in a receptive frame of mind that. 
assured a minimum of friction and a maximum of co-opera- 
tion. 

In this connection it will be observed that the advantages 
accruing to the company are not mentioned. Yet the new 
plan offered very real advantages in the possible saving of 
money through the employment of fewer meter readers and 
billing clerks, reduction in amount of printing and paper, and 
avoidance of end-of-the-month office congestion. [The we 
elements, which, from the consumer’s point of view, are nega- | 
tive in this problem, were ignored in favor of the you elements, 
which are positive, in that they establish a cheerful customer 
attitude. 

A practical application of cheerfulness enabled the Truly 
Warner hat company to break a temporary buyers’ strike. An 
early autumn had caused the resurrection of last year’s felt 


Po 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CHEERFULNESS 119 


hat, which though shabby was not discarded for a new felt 
when the fall season opened. 


The usual copy wouldn’t bring the buyers in large numbers. Some- 
thing extraordinary had to be done. Good-humored copy to “kid” the 
buyer out of his old, battered hat was decided upon. . . . Briggs, the 
cartoonist, was made the critic. A series of advertisements was pre- 
pared with the heading, “See Yourself as Briggs Sees You.” Some of 
this cartoonist’s best-known series, such as ““When a Feller Needs a 
Friend” and “That Guiltiest Feeling’, were used to show the man 
who clung to last year’s headpiece that he wasn’t exactly a Beau Brum- 
mell. 

~The new sales message was put over with a chuckle instead of the 
frown it might have caused with a more direct attack on the old-hat 


habit. 


Copy designed to sell life, fire, and accident insurance is too 
often based exclusively on the negative elements in the prob- 
lem. ‘The appeal of companies administering trust funds, 
wills, and estates is too frequently painful in suggestion. Un- 
pleasant suggestion also dominates unnecessarily the sale of 
safety devices for factories. Somber copy repels. Attention 
is won more effectively by presentation of the pleasing elements 
surrounding even accident insurance and tire chains. Al- 
though the appeal to fear may be legitimate with certain prod- 
ucts and services, ingenuity reveals many attractive features, 
the appeal of which is positive, and therefore strong. 
| “In a series of advertisements for a campaign on special 
hospital appliances in medical journals, an advertiser has in- 
troduced radio atmosphere admirably. Soldiers, for example, 
recovering from troubles of recent war, are pictured ‘tuning 
in,’ as they lie in their cots. It is a well-known fact that radio 
sets are being supplied to individual cots in many modern 
hospitals, and these dull, listless, and even unpleasant scenes 
are high-lighted and made welcome by this radio touch.” 

2. Use cheerful phrases.—The tone of the courteous 
sentence is cheerful. Negatively defined, ‘‘courtesy’’ means 
the absence of anything that may offend the reader. Blunt, 
brusque statements are tactless and certain to alienate sym- 
| pathy. Even when these are avoided, the writer must guard 
against a superior, offish air, not perhaps expressed in actual 
phrases, but nevertheless felt by the reader. Never lose pa- 
_tience, even when answering an irate or uppish correspondent. 


120 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


A soft answer turneth away wrath. Criticism of any kind, 
expressed or implied, makes an unfavorable impression. This 
is essentially true in credit and adjustment letters. When 
making an adjustment or answering an inquiry, avoid phrases 
like ‘“‘we are at a loss to understand,” ‘‘we cannot understand,” 
or the still more offensive locutions ‘‘which you state” and 
“which you say,” not to mention ‘‘which you complain.” When 
the writer is faced by an unpleasant situation, he does well to 
remember that courteous sentences are shock-absorbers. 

Positively defined, courtesy means a genuine willingness 
to render service. ‘he letter as a whole, and in all its parts, 
should breathe the spirit of helpfulness. In the sale of many 
products, the determining factor is service. It follows that 
the writer must make it a fundamental rule to impress his 
reader through the patient cultivation of cheerfulness and a 
wholesome desire to help. It has been well said that the cus- 
tomer’s money is bigger than anything you have to offer ex- 
cept service. 

True courtesy is a point of view, an attitude, a state of 
mind. The writer assumes that the reader is fair-minded and 
honest. By a frank, patient, and sympathetic approach, the 
writer assumes the role of friend and makes constructive sug- 
gestions, welcome because helpful. He shows an effort to 
render genuine service. ‘Though phrases alone are useless, 
their use emphasizes the spirit of courtesy. It should not be 
forgotten that the familiar words “‘kindly,”’ “please,” and 
‘thank you”? never grow wearisome when they are used not 
mechanically but sincerely. Whenever you honestly can, 
brighten your letters with “‘it is a pleasure” or ‘‘we are pleased 
toe 

Conviction.—A letter is written to be read. It is read, 
and its message carries conviction, if the seven essential quali- 
ties of business writing are incorporated. When these quali- 
ties are properly balanced and proportioned according to the 
needs of the writing in hand, clearness and interest are real- 
ized to the point where the reader gives willing consent. He 
accepts the letter as adequate. He is convinced because he is 
satishied. Whenever you fail to observe one or the other 
essential quality, you weaken your message in proportion to 
the need of the omitted quality. 

Among the most admired letters of Abraham Lincoln are 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CHEERFULNESS 121 


many business letters composed in response to the routine re- 
quirements of his office. These letters, however, are not rou- 
tine in conception, style, or effect. They reveal the essential 
qualities of good business writing. As examples of the execu- 
tive type of business letter, they reflect masterfully the indis- 
-pensable qualities of style. As a result, people often forget 
that they are business letters, and admire them as examples 
of literary art. Perhaps the best known of Lincoln’s letters 
is the letter to Mrs. Bixby, of Boston. 


November 21, 1864. 
Dear Madam: 


_I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of 
the Adjutant-General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five 
sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle. I feel how weak 
_and fruitless must be any words of mine which should attempt to beguile 
you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain 
from tendering you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of 
the Republic they died to save. I pray that our Heavenly Father may 
assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cher- 
ished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be 
yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom. 


Yours very sincerely and respectfully, 
Abraham Lincoln. 


The following observations were suggested by a lecture 
delivered at the Milwaukee meeting of the Associated Adver- 
tising Clubs of the World by Captain John W. Gorby. 

Lincoln’s letter is as simple as A, B, C, and as clear as the 
summer sky. 

1. The words do not attract attention to themselves. The 
reader sees the thought through them as through a perfectly 
transparent glass. The language is correct. It conforms to 
the rules of grammar and observes the principles of rhetoric. 

2. The letter is intensely direct. It is compact. Every 
word counts in the final impression. 

3. Lincoln’s letter is climactic. It moves toa goal. Every 

idea and thought is selected and arranged so as to focus on the 
closing sentence. The letter has construction. 
— 4. Lincoln shows consideration for the mother. The great 
heart of Lincoln was profoundly moved by her sacrifice. The 
appeal to the emotions is human because it is based on genu- 
ine sympathy. 


122 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


5. The personality of Lincoln is stamped upon every 
phrase. His individuality reveals itself as fully as in the 
Gettysburg Address. His letter has character because he was 
himself when he wrote. 

6. His message throws light on darkness. Lincoln under- 
stands the mental state of the mother. With dignity and re- 
straint he suggests consolation in the name of the Republic. 
In the name of the nation, he offers what cheer he can. 

7. Lincoln states facts with authority. The letter carries 
conviction because his compact sentences breathe consideration 
and character in a message of solemn cheer. 

Many other gems of the epistolary art are found in the 
collected letters of Lincoln. If Samuel Johnson were here to 
advise young people on the best way of cultivating a good let- 
ter style, he would probably say, ‘““Whoever wishes to attain 
to a good letter style, simple but not commonplace, dignified 
but not stilted, and powerful but not forced, must give his days 
and nights to the letters of Abraham Lincoln.” 


Exercises for Oral and Written Analysis. 


1. Make this appeal specific and concrete: 


The trip is so interesting and comfortable and the rates are so at- 
tractive that you will enjoy the journey to California more than ever 
this winter. 


2. What quality of style makes the following selections 
attractive? Just how? 


(a) The Tudor Shakespeare is planned for you as a companionable 
volume. As you grasp it in your palm or turn its leaves to its clear, 
open type, it greets you with a friendliness that makes you want to 
take it along. 

It is compact, slightly flexible, of grained red leather cover with 
gold titles. It is equally at home on your library table or traveling 
with you wherever you may go. 


Tuck one in your pocket when traveling. A surprising amount of 


reading is done in this way. “The Tudor Shakespeare is well adapted | 


to travel with you. 
Before closing your suitcase you can always find room handily near 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CHEERFULNESS 123 


| 
the top. ‘hen wherever you are you will not be lacking in company. 
‘The Tudor Shakespeare is good company, and a versatile companion. 


‘(&) It costs a little more to sugar-cure Ferris Hams and Bacon 
in the old-fashioned way and to smoke them slowly over aromatic 
hickory; but the high-speed forcing treatment would lose that luscious 
savor—that smoky richness—which the name ‘Ferris’ has meant for 
three generations. 


(c) And now you can travel to California in comfort—1100 cinder- 
less, smokeless miles, behind giant, oil-burning locomotives. 


(ad) Big Ben is the comrade of ambition. Big Ben is the friendly 
adviser to young men. In the morning of business life the magnet 
of success draws them into the world. Youth sets out to prove its 
pluck. Big Ben of Westclox knows each ambition. Big Ben under- 
stands each dream. He’s a loyal guardian of high ideals—a faithful 
business guide. He says a good beginning is half the doing of a thing. 
His part in life is starting each day right. 


3. Analyze each of the following for character. What 
kind of personality is revealed in each? 


(a) Pressure of office work prevented my attending last evening’s 
session of the class, but I trust that the essay, herewith, is in time to get 
under the wire. 


(d) 
My dear Sir: 


[ have read your play. Oh, my dear Sir. 
| Charles Dillingham. 


(c) Thomas Jefferson gives this writing desk to Joseph Coolidge, Jr., 
as a memorial of affection. It was made from a drawing of his own 
by Ben Randall, cabinet-maker of Philadelphia, with whom he first 
lodged on his arrival in that city in May, 1776, and is the identical one 
on which he wrote the Declaration of Independence. Politics, as well 
as Religion, has its superstitions. “These, gaining strength with time, 
may, one day, give imaginary value to this relic for its association with 
the birth of the Great Charter of our Independence. 


Monticello, November 18, 1825. 


(d) The consciousness of “taking pen in hand” often drives away 
“to come again another day” all the moral spontaneity and sparkle of 
personality. (James Wallen) 


124 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


(e) 
Dear Michael Monahan: 


I shall value your book as a memento of a choice spirit. May many 
and many a sheaf of papyrus spring up from your wit and wisdom to 
enlarge men’s minds and teach them tolerance and sympathy and under- 
standing. 
All prosperity attend you in the New Year, and the good wishes of 
Your grateful friend, 
Eden Phillpotts . 


All but the first of the foregoing quotations are taken by permission from 
an article by James Wallen in Printers’ Ink, January 1, 1920. 


4. Compare and contrast the following letters as examples 
of consideration. 


(a) We have the very best to be offered in climate and water ad- 
vantages. 


We have three modern cities in this county, all located together on 
the Minto River, and all together having a population of over 18,000. 


We have splendid churches, schools, hotels, apartments, golf course, 
clubs, parks, and public library. 


We hope you will inform us if we can be of further service. 


(b) St. Petersburg is beautifully situated on Pinellas Peninsula, 
bordered on the east by Tampa Bay, on the west by Boca Cuiga Bay, 
with the Gulf of Mexico only two miles from the western edge of the 
city. Sunshine, fresh air, and a wonderful climate are here combined 
with the advantages of a modern city. As the great cities of the north 
are only a few hours distant, the business man can spend at least part 
of the time in St. Petersburg with his family, and still keep in touch 
with affairs at home. 


The outstanding charm of the Sunshine City is its spirit of friendliness 
and good will. It is easy to get. acquainted—to make social contacts. 
‘The great societies formed of the visitors from the various states foster 
this spirit and provide entertainment for their members. ‘The civic 
clubs, the city organization, and the Chamber of Commerce provide 
numerous festivities. “The churches extend a welcoming hand. If you 
wish any specific information not found in our booklet, please write 
us. We are here to serve you. : 


5. Find the character of Samuel Johnson in the language, 
tone, point of view, and substance of the following letters. __ 





ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CHEERFULNESS 125 
| February 7, 1755. 
(a) To THE Richt HonoraBie EArt oF CHESTERFIELD, 


My Lorp: 


I have been lately informed, by the proprietor of The World, that two 
papers, in which my Dictionary is recommended to the publick, were 
written by your Lordship. ‘To be so distinguished, is an honour, which, 
being very little accustomed to favours from the great, I know not well 
how to receive, or in what terms to acknowledge. 


When, upon some slight encouragement, I first visited your Lordship, 
I was overpowered, like the rest of mankind, by the enchantment of 
your address, and could not forbear to wish that I might boast myself 
Le vainqueur du vainqueur de la terre;—that I might obtain that re- 
gard for which I saw the world contending; but I found my attendance 
‘so little encouraged, that neither pride nor modesty would suffer me 
to continue it. When I had once addressed your Lordship in publick, 
I had exhausted all the art of pleasing which a retired and uncourtly 
scholar can possess. I had done all that I could; and no man is well 
pleased to have his all neglected, be it ever so little. 


Seven years, my Lord, have now past, since I waited in your outward 
rooms, or was repulsed from your door; during which time I have 
been pushing on my work through difficulties, of which it is useless to 
complain, and have brought it, at last, to the verge of publication, with- 
out one act of assistance, one word of encouragement, or one smile of 
favour. Such treatment I did not expect, for I never had a Patron 
before. 


The shepherd in Virgil grew at last acquainted with Love, and found 
him a native of the rocks. 


Is not a Patron, my Lord, one who looks with unconcern on a man 
struggling for life in the water, and when he has reached ground, en- 
cumbers him with help? ‘The notice which you have been pleased to 
‘take of my labours, had it been early, had been kind; but it has been 
delayed till I am indifferent, and cannot enjoy it; till I am solitary, and 
cannot impart it; till I am known, and do not want it. I hope it is 
no very cynical asperity not to confess obligations where no benefit 
has been received, or to be unwilling that the Publick should consider 
me as owing that to a Patron, which Providence has enabled me to do 
for myself. 


‘Having carried on my work thus far with so little obligation to any 
favourer of learning, I shall not be disappointed though I should con- 
‘clude it, if less be possible, with less; for I have been long wakened 
from that dream of hope, in which I once boasted myself with so much 


126 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


exultation, my Lord, Your Lordship’s most humble, most obedient 


servant, 
Sam. Johnson. 


(6) SamueL JoHNsOoN To BENNET LancrTon, Esa. 


Dear Sir: 

I have an old amanuensis in great distress. I have given what I think 
I can give, and begged till I cannot tell where to beg again. I put inte 
his hands this morning four guineas. If you could collect three guineas 
more, it would clear him from his present difficulty. I am, Sir, your 
most humble servant, 


May 21, 1775. Sam. Johnson. 


(c) SAMUEL JOHNSON TO JAMES MAcPHERSON. 


Mr. James Macpherson: 

I received your foolish and impudent letter. Any violence offered me 
I shall do my best to repel; and what I cannot do for myself the law 
shall do for me. I hope I shall never be deterred from detecting what 
I think a cheat, by the menaces of a ruffan. 

What would you have me retract? I thought your book an imposture; 
I think so still. For this opinion I have given my reasons to the publick, 
which I dare you to refute. Your rage I defy. Your abilities, since 
your Homer, are not so formidable; and what I hear of your morals, 
inclines me to pay regard not to what you shall say, but to what you 
shall prove. You may print this if you will. 


Sam. Johnson. 


6. Just how does the following sentence from a soap ad. 
vertisement illustrate cheerfulness? What negative pitfalls 
has the writer deftly avoided? 


While few women really want to look younger than they are, nc 
woman wants to look older than she is. 


7. Which of the following sentences shows personality! 
Why? 

(a) It would give us great pleasure to have you as a guest at ou) 
hotel. 


(4) I shall be glad to reserve one of these modern rooms for you 
whenever you give the word. 


Is there a difference in tone? What is it? 


ESSENTIAL QUALITIES—CHEERFULNESS 127 


| 8. Rewrite the following sentences so as to remove the 
negative element: 
(a) We were glad to receive your undated letter. 


(4) In reply to your undated letter we are sending you one of our 
catalogs. 


9. The following sentences are from letters selling an 
open-air house that can be folded and carried on the running 
board of an automobile. Point out the negative element. 
Rewrite the sentences, stressing the positive elements. 


(a) Its sturdy but light framework renders this canvas sleeping 
tent fully resistant to high winds. 

(6) You at once dispense with certain trips because you feel that, 
since they cannot be taken in one day, they are not comfortable. This 
idea is wrong. With one of our canvas tents your travel radius is not 
limited. After several hours of weary travel in a motor car there is 
nothing more refreshing than a night spent in one of our tents. 

{(c) When you close your eyes you may rest assured that no wind 

during the night can harm your firmly anchored tent. 

| (d) Unless one is hardened to outdoor life, camping is not com- 
fortable. With one of our tents, anyone can enjoy the health-giving 
sleep of the country or woods, and without any of the discomforts 
so often found by city dwellers in the great out-of-doors. 


| 10. Does the following paragraph convince and attract? 
Do you like to read this kind of copy? Can you minimize 
the negative element and still convince the reader that he must 
have liability and accident insurance? 


_ The city street, the country lane, the open highway—all have their 
individual and ever-present hazards for the motorist, however careful 
he may be. ‘The very uncertainty of these risks makes them all the 
more dangerous. You can never tell when your turn will come. 


11. Which of the alternative forms is preferable from the 
point of view of consideration? Why? Can you write an 
improved form? 


(a) Your order will receive careful attention. 
Your order is receiving careful attention. 
(6) We received your order of October 14 and will give it prompt 
attention. 
We received your order of October 14 and are giving it our 
prompt attention. 


128 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


12. Analyze the following advertisement (Worthington 
Pump and Machinery Corporation), by applying the test of 
the seven essential qualities of business writing. Do not hesi- 
tate to criticize this good sales story. Suggest improvements 
where you think they can be made. In each case, however, 
put your suggestion to the test by rewriting the passage you 
are improving. 


For thousands of years the ancient Egyptians, a great people, had 
confidence in the emblem—the Winged Globe. 

It meant two great things, which, combined, meant one still greater, 
It meant Power, and Safety, and, linking these two as one, it meant 
Protection. 

When a man saw this Wingéd Globe carved or painted above a 
door, he knew it was a sign (a pledge) that after he had passed through 
that door he would be protected at all times while he was within that 
house. | 

Today, this same device—of the Worthington symbol—is known 
in every corner of the world, in all countries and to all men who seek 
and find trustworthy machinery, the pumps, the condensers, the com- 
pressors, the engines, the meters, the hundred-and-one large or small 
intricate or simple power devices which must be trusted to operate effi- 
ciently, economically, and dependably. 

This design, with its tremendous significance, was chosen by the 
Worthington Pump and Machinery Corporation as its symbol because 
it possessed that significance, because it meant something which all 
sound business men appreciate—because it represented an invisible thing 
which, nevertheless, exists in and is part of every Worthington device, 
no matter how inexpensive that device may be. 

That invisible thing, which you also buy and install when you 
purchase and operate any Worthington product, is a quality of protec- 
tion of your investment and of your business operation which that 
product may be trusted to give you, and which it possesses because it has 
been designed as a result of long experience, and manufactured, in good 
faith, of proper materials. 

If you, who continually require any kind of Pumps, or Compressors, 
Condensers, Feedwater Heaters, Meters, Diesel Engines, will write 
to us, we will promptly and gladly send you printed matter which illus- | 
trates and describes any or all of these products which are particularly 
suited to your needs, and we will quote you prices which are no higher | 
than the actual investment and operation value of these products. | 


13. Visualize a huge gas tank, a water tower, or a huge 
storage tank used, for example, by the Standard Oil Company. 






ESSENTIAL Q UA LITIES—CHEERFULNESS 129 


‘Then read the following advertisement of Lancaster Steel 
Plate Construction Tanks: 


| For thousands of years the Sphinx has guarded the banks of the 
'Nile—a huge landmark that defies the ravages of Time. The ancient 
Egyptians were masters in the art of creating Permanency. 

The secret of building durability and time-resisting qualities into 
their works did not die with the passing of the Sphinx and pyramid 
builders. 

_ Lancaster Engineers have built those same characteristics into the 
famous Lancaster Tanks—unsurpassed examples of steel plate construc- 
tion. 

_ Lancaster Tanks are made to withstand the ceaseless action of 
the elements. Extremes of heat and cold cannot budge a Lancaster 
Tank from the performance of its duty—nor render it less safe. They 
are bound to give continuous service throughout generations. 

| Jt is well worth your time to write for Lancaster data on tanks—it 
will save you money eventually. 


14. Apply the test of concreteness to the foregoing adver- 
tisement. Is the association of ideas (imagery), invoked by 
the writer, effective? Is the effect incongruous because the 
sphinx is built of stone and the tank of metal? 

Is the closing sentence an anti-climax (too great a drop 
from the dignihed text)? 

If the Sphinx is considered as a work of art (Is it?) and 
the Lancaster Tank as an industrial (manufactured) prod- 
uct, is the parallel convincing? 

_ Find incongruous features wisely ignored by the writer. 
Has he made the best use of all the parallel qualities at his 
disposal? (The Sphinx is a monument to Egyptian engi- 
neering genius, is it not?) 


CHAPTER V 
DRESSING THE LETTER 


The importance of neat dress.—The well-planned, vividly 
phrased letter deserves an attractive dress. ‘he dress of the 
letter is no less important than that of the salesman. Like the 
well-dressed salesman, the well-dressed letter has a better 
chance of winning receptive attention than one that is shabby) 
or freakish in appearance. The letter which appears in dis- 
ordered array; the letter that looks stiff and angular; the let-| 
ter that is freakish or flashy, like a salesman with scarlet) 
cravat and scarecrow waistcoat—all these receive attention, to 
be sure, but not the desirable attention conducive to receptive. 
reading. Faults in the physical make-up of the letter Jeopardy] | 
ize success. Correct appearance makes for success. 

Two severe tests.—Every business letter undergoes two. 
severe tests: one, when the reader first looks at the letter 
sheet; the other, when he has completed reading the message. 
Both moments are vital. ‘The first impression is made by the 
physical appearance of the letter at the moment the sheet is 
unfolded. 

The writer obtains a favorable initial reaction by attendifil 
to the dress of the letter. First impressions may often be, 
and in fact often are, deceptive. Nevertheless, the first 
glimpse the reader has of the letter determines, to an appreci-| 
able extent, his attitude toward the message. 

Guiding principles——The observance of certain guiding 
principles makes the physical make-up attractive. Attention 
is captured by applying the requirements of good usage, utility, 
and beauty. 

The standard letter form—The layout of the letter. 
should conform to good usage, which is determined by the 
practice of leading authorities. The dress is correct when it, 
as well, conforms to the most approved modern practice. 
Letter form, like grammar, is governed by certain conven- 

130 








DRESSING THE LETTER 131 


r “i u u ‘ 
fae BecK Duvnicuror Co. 
BLAN URMAC PURER S 
AFG BROADWAY 


NEw YorK 
July 22, 1925, 


Dr. A. C. Eabenroth, 
301 University Hall, 
Columbia University, 
New York, N. Y. 


Dear Doctor Babenroth: 


Wouldn't you be interested in seeing a demonstration of 
a@ new Duplicator which will make copies of all classroom 
work without the use of stencils? 


The SPEEDOGRAPH is used so widely in schools and oolleges 
that we have erranged an exhibit at Coluwnbia during the 
Summer Session. It is a fins opportunity for all to ses 
the SPEEDOGRAPH in actual use, and we are especially anxe 
ious to show it to the membero of the faculty. 


The process is clean and easy. Almost any one in the 
school can operate the machine the first time he tries. 
‘It will make copies of any handwriting or typewriting - 
Maps, Music, Charts - in 4 or 5 colors at one time - Noe 
tices to Teachers, Examination Questions, Cards, Study 
Sheets - in fact, every department of educational work 
can make profitable use of a SPEEDOGRAPH, 


Our exhibit is in Booth 47, in the Auxiliary Cymnesiunm, 
University Hall, 


Come in at your earliest opportunity and ses if you do 
not agree with us that the SPHEDOGRAPH is the most versae 

| tile and practical duplicating method for any school pur- 
pose. 


We will allow a special discount of 10% during the Summer 
| Session, Orders taken. subject to confirmation. 


| Sincerely yours, 
| THE BECK DUPLICATOR CO, 
SJB: DDA 


Style Study I.—Block form. 


Single-spaced lines; double-spaced paragraphs and units. Closed punc- 
‘ttuation. Modern but conservative. Clean, symmetrical, and perfectly bal- 
anced on the letter sheet. 


J 
; 





tions, which the writer ignores at the risk of oddity. Odd 
layouts based on personal preference conflict with correctness. 
They serve no purpose but to call attention from the contents 
‘to the form of the letter. The ideal layout is as unobtrusive 





132 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


as the frame of a picture. Modern practice, therefore, has 
evolved a standard letter form, which is conventional as 
regards the essentials of stationery, letterhead, the number of 
units in the letter form, and the manner of their distribution 
on the letter sheet. 

When choice is allowed, as it is within limits established 
by modern usage, preference should be given on the basis of 
utility and beauty. Of two correct forms, the choice should 
fall to the more useful and symmetrical. Good usage, for 
example, allows the indentation of the inside address and of 
paragraphs. It is, however, also correct to use the block 
form in the inside address, salutation, and body of the letter; 
that is, the form in which the first line of the paragraph be- 
gins even with all the other lines. 

By the test of utility, the block form is preferable. It 
saves the typist’s time. By the test of beauty the block form 
is also superior in typewritten letters, because it gives a clear- 
cut, symmetrical appearance. In pen-written letters, on the 
other hand, the indented layout looks better. A survival 
from the days of pen-written letters, the indented layout will 
be superseded ultimately by the block layout because of the 
superior advantages of the latter in the increased utility and 
beauty of the typed letter. 

Where correctness permits choice of alternatives, care 
should be taken to follow a consistent usage. Thus, if open 
punctuation is used in the heading, it should also be used in 
the inside address. By open punctuation is meant the omis- 
sion of commas and periods at the ends of lines in the head- 
ing and inside address. The omission has in its favor the fact 
that end punctuation is not essential and that time is saved. 

When, however, considerations of utility and beauty con- 
flict, choice should be given to the layout that looks better. 
By the test of utility, for example, it is advantageous to begin 
the complimentary close flush at the left margin. Yet the test 
of beauty reveals at once the fact that the complimentary close 
in this position unbalances the layout. The effect is unpleas- 
ant because the layout lacks symmetry. | 

A proper adjustment of black and white spaces gives bal- | 
ance and symmetry, which please the reader’s eye and put him, 
in a receptive mood. Margins and spacings require careful 
attention. According to whether the message is long or short, | 


f 





‘DRESSING THE LETTER 133 


UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE 
FOREST SERVICE 


ADDRESS REPLY TO 
THE FORESTER ’ 
eee ae TAO oD WASHINGTON 


PZ December 28, 1923, 


Mr. A. Charles Babenroth, 
710 Journalism, 
Columbia University, 
New York City. 

Dear Sir: 

In compliance with my letter of October 123, I 
take pleasure in- enclosing a copy of the Report of the 
Forester. 


If we can be of any further service to you 


[4.00 


ma THOMAS H. GILL 
Enclosure. In Charge of Information. 


please feel free to call upon us. 





Style Study II—A short letter with closed punctuation. 
_Indented inside address and paragraphs. Double-spaced lines in the body. 


the letter centers on the longer or shorter axis of the sheet. 
Before spreading the dictated material on the sheet, the capa- 
ble transcriber estimates the number of words in the mes- 
sage, and the number of lines to be typed. He visualizes the 
letter before he types it. He secures balance through perfect 
adjustment of black and white spaces. 


134 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Stationery—The paper for ordinary business letters 
should be as good quality stock as the writer can afford, white, 
unruled, and 8% by 11 inches in size. When properly folded, 
this sheet fits the standard envelope, 6%4 by 3% inches. In 
sales letters, adaptation to the reader occasionally demands 
variation from these standard requirements. Letters, for in- 
stance, making a special appeal to women may be written on 
note-size stationery of the highest grade. 

Letterheads.—The printed letterhead is not a display ad- 
vertisement. Simplicity, even in sales letters, should be the 
keynote. The letterhead contains the name of the firm, its 
address, a condensed notation of the nature of its business, 
and, if useful, its telephone number. This material should 
be printed in black or black and red. Other colors, suitable 
enough for advertising purposes, should not ordinarily ap- 
pear in the letterhead. ‘The letterhead properly occupies not 
more than one-fifth of the sheet. The reason for simplicity 
is that any attempt at display in the letterhead draws the 
reader’s attention away from the message. Furthermore, 
never print a dotted line for the date material. ‘The position 
of the date varies according to the length of the letter. 

Essential parts of the letter—Conventional usage re- 
quires six parts in the mechanical make-up of the letter: the 
heading, inside address, salutation, body, complimentary close, 
and signature. ‘These constants are well defined as regards 
contents, arrangement of material within each group, and rela- 
tive positions of the groups. 

The layout containing these essential parts is illustrated in 
the letter reproduced in this chapter. 

1. The heading—The position of the heading is depen- 
dent upon the length of the letter. The date should never be 
less than a double space below the letterhead, and as much 
lower as necessary for centering a short letter. The end of 
the date marks the right margin of a well-typed letter. 
The right margin should be as straight as ingenuity can make 
it, without resort to frequent syllabication, which is irritat- 
ing. To bring the end of the heading to the desired margin, 
count back spaces and mark the position of the carriage. Ad- 
just yourself on the first of each month to the new length of 


the date material. When paper without a letterhead is used, 


the address appears in addition to the date. This material 


oe cin 


‘ 


DRESSING THE LETTER 135 


should never be less than an inch from the top and right edge 
of the sheet. Examples of closed and open punctuation fol- 
low: 


Closed. | O pen. | 
70 Fifth Avenue, 70 Fifth Avenue 
New York, N. Y., New York, N..Y. 
March 6, 1924. March 6, 1924 


For the correct use of numerals in the heading, see 
page 90. 

2. The inside address.—The inside address consists of 
‘the name of the firm or person to whom the letter is ad- 
dressed, the street address, and city and state, arranged, in the 
block form with open punctuation, as follows: 


Mr. James J. Hancock 
160 Jamaica Avenue 
Houston, Texas 


The inside address, typed two spaces below the heading, 
determines the left margin of the letter. 
Observe the following correct forms when addressing: 


1. An individual: Mr., Mrs., Miss. 

2. A firm: Messrs. (for men, or for men and women); Mmes. 
“(for women). 

3. A corporation: The United States Steel Corporation. 


Messrs. is proper: (1) when addressing a partnership of 
two or more men, or men and women; (2) when addressing 
a corporation the name of which indicates individuals. Never 
prefix Messrs. when a corporation uses a trade name. 

To bring the letter (to a firm or corporation) to the at- 
‘tention of an individual of the firm or corporation, use the 
following form on the same line as the salutation, and at least 
a quadruple space from the end of the salutation: 


Prentice-Hall, Inc., 

70 Fifth Avenue, 

New York, N. Y. 

Gentlemen: Attention of Mr. W. J. Goedeke 


It is discourteous to abbreviate Doctor, Reverend, Pro- 
fessor, if the last name only is used. Hon. for Honorable, 


136 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


ADORESS ALL COMMUNICATIONS TO MERIDEN, CONN, 


INTERNATIONAL SILVER COMPANY 


SALES OFFICES 
~ NEW YORK,CHICAGO 
FACTORIES GENERAL OFFICES SAN FRANCISCO 
MERIDEN ,WALLINGFORD, BUENOS AIRES 
WATERBURY BRIDGEPORT, SYDNEY 


gprtien rape MERIDEN, CONN. 


IN REPLYING PLEASE QUOTE INITIALS 41085 
HOTEL DEPARTMENT 
February 16, 1926 
Mire Ae Charles Babenroth, FheDe, 
301 University Hall, 
Columbia University, 
New Yorn, Ne Ye 
Dear Sir: 

Agreeable to your inquiry of February 4th, we are 
enclosing herewitn copies of various form letters which we 
have used during the past year in relation to Hotel Ware. 
The merits of these form letters you can best judge for youre 
gelt. 

If tney can be used to advantage in the course of 
instruction wnich you have at the University, you may be 
ascured of our pleasure to extend you the privilege of using 
then. 


Yours Bere Dshiiele 


INTERNAT LOS COMPANY 
Hotel, Railva ip ivision 





Style Study III.—Double spacing gives this letter an open, 
clean appearance. 


when addressing persons holding high governmental positions, 
is conventionally correct. Reverend is properly used in the’ 
following combinations: Reverend William Waite, The 
Reverend William Waite, The Reverend Mr. Waite. 


Correct: Professor Clark. Professor Donald Clark. Prof, 
Donald Clark. | 


a 
a 2 a 


DRESSING THE LETTER 137 


Do not abbreviate titles of persons holding positions, such 
as Manager, Superintendent, Treasurer, President, Secretary, 
Sales Manager. ‘These titles usually follow the name, which 
is preceded by Mr. 


Mr. James Burns, Secretary, 
The Washable Fabrics Company, 
Burtonville, Ohio. 


Note the following special forms: 


The President (of the U. S.); His Excellency the Governor; The 
Honorable Theodore Burton; His Honor the Mayor; The Most 
Reverend Archbishop Daniel Benson; The Right Reverend Albert 
Manning, Bishop of New York. 


3. The salutation The salutation is typed two spaces 
below the inside address and flush with the left margin. A 
colon follows the salutation (in the best practice without a 
dash after the colon). 

The following forms are correct for ordinary business 
correspondence: 


1. Most formal: My dear Sir, My dear Madam. 

2. Formal: Dear Sir, Dear Madam. 

3. Semi-business: Dear Mr. Brown, Dear Mrs. Brown, Dear Miss 
Brown. (These forms imply personal acquaintance, and should be 
used with care. A long-established business may use these forms in 
letters to old customers.) 

4, Plural forms (when addressing a firm or corporation) : Gentle- 
men, Mesdames. (Never use Messrs. as a salutation.) 


Dear Sirs is going out of use. 

Tn addressing a firm composed of men and women, use Gentle- 
| men, 

Special forms in the salutation.—Special forms in the salu- 
tation are used when addressing the following persons: 

A. Sir (editor) Sir (governor) Sir (President) Dear 
Mr. Mayor Dear Senator (or more formally Sir). Sir is 
correct in a letter to the president of a college or university. 

__ B. Members of the Roman catholic hierarchy: 
| 1. Cardinal. Inside address: His Eminence, Patrick Cardinal 
Hayes, Archbishop of New York. Salutation: Your Eminence. 


138 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


2. Archbishop. Inside address: Most Reverend Michael J. Curley, 
D.D., Archbishop of Baltimore. Salutation: Your Grace, or Most 
Reverend and dear Archbishop. 

3. Bishop. Inside address: Right Reverend Edmund F. Gibbons, 
D.D., Bishop of Albany. Salutation: My Lord Bishop or Right Rev- 
erend dear Bishop. 

4. Priest. Inside address: Reverend Thomas J. Smith, with D.D., 
Ph.D., or whatever title he may have. Salutation: Reverend dear 
Father or Dear Father Smith. 

5. Monk. Inside address: Reverend Father Augustine, O.F.M. 
In this instance the surname is sometimes used and sometimes not. 
The O.F.M. represents the name of the order to which the priest 
belongs. Monks are usually priests. Salutation: Reverend dear 
Father or Dear Father Augustine. “Those monks who are not priests 
are usually called Brothers. Inside address: Brother Thomas, followed 
by the initials of the community to which he belongs. Salutation: Dear 
Brother. 

6. Sisters. The Sisters are usually addressed as follows: Sister 
M. Vincentia. In some instances the name is followed by the initials 
indicating the community of which she is a member. Salutation: 
Reverend dear Sister or Dear Sister Vincentia. The salutation in a 
Jetter to the superior of the community is: Reverend Mother Vincentia 
er Reverend dear Mother or Reverend Sister Servant. 


4. The body of the letter—The body of the letter con- 
tains the message. It begins two spaces below the salutation. 
If no paragraph indentation is used, the first line begins flush 
with the left margin. Otherwise it begins under the colon 
after Dear Sir, Dear Madam, Gentlemen, and Mesdames. 
The beginning of every succeeding paragraph corresponds to 
that of the first. 

In the block arrangement of material (that is, the ar- 
rangement where the first line is flush with the left margin, be- 
ginning with the inside address material), the lines should be 
single-spaced, with double spacing between paragraphs. 

When additional sheets are necessary, use blank paper, and 
place the name or initials of the person to whom the letter is 
addressed, the date, and the page number, at least one inch 
from the top and left edge of the sheet. The first letter of — 
this filing material determines the left margin of the second — 
sheet. Leave four spaces between this material and the first 
line of the message. 


DRESSING THE LETTER 139 


roRM S267 


Yl Crorland: Ine 
OENERAL OFFICES ) aE 


N 
RETAIL SALESROQOM 
BROADWAY AT 50% ST. 
TELEPHONE CIRCLE 8400 


sevice STATION NewYork Ciy 





TELEPHONE CIRCLE B200 


SERVICE STATION 
NEW PHONE December 9 


COLUMBUS 3001 i / 27 374 


Mr.D.Hurwitz > 
911 Whitlook Ave, 
N.Y.C itye 


Dear Sir: 


It would be a great thing for us to service the cara 
of all our owners in New York - a wonderful thing. 


But it is a much greater thing to deserve it = to do 
business in such a way that our owners would cone to 
us because Willys-Overland, Ino. cares for their in- 
terests. 


To give VALUES and render such SERVICE that we will 
always keep a customer, is our constant ain. 


This is done by placing your interests above every- 
thing else - by serving you so perfectly that you 
will be permanently satisfied to bring your car here. 


Won't you come in, and give us a chance to prove our 
service? 


Cordially yours, 


Style Study IV.—Block form throughout. Uniform left margin. 


example: Mr. J. J.R., Nov. 15, 1923, p. 2. 
Never abbreviate the date. 


Wrong: 11/8/25. 


1 


5. The complimentary close-——The complimentary close, 
like the salutation, is a conventional form. Although ng literal 


140 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


interpretation is placed upon it (except in Respectfully yours), 
the complimentary phrase, as its name indicates, pleasingly 
closes the letter. Observe the same degree of formality as 
in the salutation. Use Yours truly with My dear Sir 
(Madam) and Gentlemen (Mesdames). Use Very truly 
yours with Dear Sir (Madam) and Gentlemen (Mesdames). 
Use Sincerely yours, Very sincerely yours, Yours most sin- 
cerely with Dear Mr. (Mrs., Miss) Brown. Use Respect- 
fully yours and Very respectfully yours when writing to a high 
official (in business or government) or when special respect is 
intended, but never use these phrases as mere substitutes for 
the other colorless forms. Special forms, like Yours for more 
business, should not be used except in sales letters, and there 
sparingly. 

The position of the complimentary close is two spaces be- 
low the last line of the body, and, to balance the inside address 
material, with its center slightly to the right of the center of 
the body. 

Because the body and the complimentary close are distinct 
units, they should not be merged. The body is weakened when 
the last sentence shades into the complimentary close. There- 
fore avoid the weak ending: Hoping to hear from you, we re- 
main, Yours truly. ‘This phrasing is illogical because it blurs 
two separate units; wordy, because the words we remain con- 
vey no meaning; ineffective, because words like hoping, be- 
lieving, and thanking are always weak. Close the letter with 
a strong, direct statement. 


Weak: Believing that you will find this music roll superior to all 
others, we remain, Yours truly, 

Good: We believe that you will find this music roll superior to all 
others. Yours truly, 


Only the first word of the complimentary close is capi- 
talized. A comma follows the last word. 


6. The signature—The signature is symmetrically, ar- 
ranged under the complimentary close. As names of firms 
and individuals vary in length, experiment is necessary to de- 
termine the most pleasing arrangement. Because the signa- | 
ture, which should be in ink, is often illegible, the transcriber 
should quadruple space below the complimentary close and. 


DRESSING THE LETTER 141 


N.B.H. Perker President AN. Parlin. V Prest and Treas CH Cobb. Secretary 





2 ED Dept 
RAE Te 
Librakyrbureau 
Card and filing Qe ? Filing cabinets . Member of 
eet Nacawrey! TERN ep Cian hy 
nded \ 
Publicity Department Cambrid¢ge, January 12, 1925 


Dr. A. Charles Babenroth, Ph. D, 
301 University Hall 

Columbia University 

New York City 


Dear Sir: 


Your letter of December 31st has been referred 
to me. 


IT am sure that we shall be very glad to have you 
make such use as you cen of the material referred 
to from our advertising. 







Very truly yours 


ertising entrar oil 


iC.A.Powers 
uc 


Address all communications to Library Bureau PO. Box 2789; Boston. Mas& 


Style Study V.—A short letter with open punctuation. 


Block arrangement. Note the position of the typed signature. 
Perfectly balanced. 


chen type the signature. The pen signature appears between 
the complimentary close and the typed name. 

In letters from firms, the firm name is typewritten a double 
pace under the complimentary close. The word by does not 
recede the pen signature if an official signs his name, because 
us title (President, Secretary, Cashier, and so forth) is 


142 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


typed four spaces below the firm name. ‘The pen signature 
appears between the firm name and the title. 

It is a good rule never to sign initials alone with the sur- 
name. Sign one given name in full, with or without additional 
initials. 

The signature should be so arranged as to indicate re- 
sponsibility for the letter. If the name of the company ap- 
pears first, the company is responsible. If the name of an 
individual appears first, the individual is responsible. 


Company responsibility: 
The Collapsible Tube Company 
A. W. Neidlinger (Signature) 
A. W. Neidlinger ( Typed) 
President 

Personal responstbility: 
A. W. Neidlinger (Signature) 
A. W. Neidlinger (Typed) 


President 
The Collapsible Tube Company 


When the person is writing in his official capacity, his title 
should be on the same line as the signature. (Sometimes, but 
not with equal force, it precedes the name of the company on 
the line below.) 


A. W. Neidlinger (Signature) 

A. W. Neidlinger, President (Typed) 
R. C. Pearson (Signature) 

R. 


C. Pearson, Sales Manager (Typed) 


An unmarried woman signs her full name preceded by 
Miss in parentheses. A married woman signs her name 
(Janet Waters), and below it in parentheses her husband’s 
name preceded by Mrs. (Mrs. Charles A. Waters). A widow | 
signs herself as Mrs. Janet Waters. | 

Never use a rubber stamp with the legend, Dictated but | 
not read. Such devices are impolite, show haste, and imply | 
lack of consideration. A letter bearing such a stamp creates | 
an unfavorable impression that good letter plan and correct 
form cannot counteract. 





DRESSING THE LETTER 143 


7. Additional material—tThe initials of the dictator and 
the transcriber are placed one space below the signature 
and flush with the left margin. 

A statement of inclosures should appear in the body, and 
such a statement is sufficient. If further notation is desired 
for quick reference, one of the following forms may be used 
one space below the initials and flush with the left margin: 


One inclosure; incl; Iwo inclosures; 2 incls. 


Folding the letter sheet. —If the letter sheet is properly 
folded and inserted in the envelope, it will not be extracted 
and unfolded with its head down before an irritated reader. 
Observe the following directions: 


1. Place the letter sheet flat on the desk. 

2. Fold up from the bottom to within one eighth or one quarter 
of an inch from the top of the sheet. ‘This brings the crease slightly 
below the middle of the sheet. 

3. Fold from right to left slightly less than one third the width 
of the sheet. 

4. Fold from left to right so as to bring the left edge flush with 
the crease on the right. 

5. With the envelope face down, and the flap toward the letter, 
insert the letter so that the fold from left to right (4) is against the 
back of the envelope and the open part at the top of the envelope. This 
procedure assures (a) that inclosures will not remain in the envelope 
when the folded letter is withdrawn, and (2) that the sheet will unfold 
so as to confront the reader top side up. 


Exercises in the Layout of the Letter. 


Use white, unruled paper. If possible, typewrite your 
work. If these exercises are used for blackboard work in the 
classroom, each student should mark off a space to represent 
the letter sheet, arranging the material as for a typewritten 
letter. 

1. Arrange the following data in their correct order and 
position on the letter sheet. Correct any errors you find, and 
supply omissions where necessary. 


(a) Atwater Kent Mfg. Co., 4703 Wisahickon Ave., Phil., Penn., 
Dear sirs, very sincerely yours, John S. Howe, 353 Houston St., 
Annabe., Miss. 


144 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


(6) Stromberg Motor Devices Co., Dear Gentlemen, 62 East 
25th Street, Chicago, Ill., Yours Truly, Bert Jones, 282 10th Avenue, 
Milwaukee, Wisc. 

(c) Phil. R. Bankert, Sales Mgr., Colt’s Fire Arms Co., 917 
Divi. St., Salt Lake City, Utah, Dear Mr. Benkert, Respfly yrs., Jas. 
Brown, 419 8th St., San Francisco, Calif. 

(d) Rev. Jas. Prouty, D.D., 56 7 Avenue, Seattle, Wash., Rev. 
Dear Sir, yours truly, John Black. 

(e) Dr. John Reed, president, Murdock College, Murdock, La., 
Honoured Sir, Yrs. Respfly, Ernest Williams. 

(f) Mr. Walter Pitt, Esq., Ramsden, N. J., my dear sir, Very 
sincerely yours, John Blatt. 

(g) D. Appleton & Co., 35 West 32nd Street, N. Y. City, Dear 
Sirs. 

(h) Mr. Archer Holland, cof Hartley Food Co., Baltimore, My., 
589 Washington Avenue, Gentlemen. | 

(7) John Black and sons, Ft. Atkinson, Wis, Dear Sir. 

(j) Professor Ashley Eaton, Ph.D., Buffalo University, Buffalo, 
NAY: Dearrsire 

(k) Mr. Maxwell Brown, #1078 Pennsylvania Ave., Washing- 
ton, D. Col., My dear Sir, Respectfully y’r’s, William Makepiece. 

(7) Loughry and Wilson, Mnfrs., Men’s Clothing, 683 2nd Ave., 
Chicago, Dear Messrs. 

(m) Misses Fonde and Boubert, womens’ gowns, 95 West 57th 
Street, New York, Dear Misses. 


(n) Write two correct forms of this signature, one to show responsi- 
bility of the firm, the other individual responsibility: Very truly yours, 
Mr. John M. Hornsby, President, Hornsby Oats Company. 


2. Write appropriate titles, salutations, and complimen- 
tary closes for the following inside addresses: 


(a) John F. Hylan, Mayor, New York, N. Y. 

(4) James Courboin, Judge, Circuit Court, Albany, N. Y. 

(c) Max Northwell (physician), 14 Utah Place, Brattleboro, Vt. 

(d) Donald L. Clark (Professor, Doctor of Philosophy), Columbia 
University in the City of New York. 

(e) Collapsible Tube Company, A. W. Neidlinger, President, New 
Brunswick, N. J. 


(f) Standard Oil Company of New York, 4 Broadway, New 
York, N. Y. 


DRESSING THE LETTER 145 


(g) Morton T. Tyndale (bishop), D.D., 40 Park Drive, Chi- 
cago, IIl. 

(h) A. W. Johnston (Senator), Capitol, Washington, D. C. 
(i) A. R. Pulliam, Editor, Georgia Watchman, Atlanta, Georgia. 


3. Write correct and forceful forms of the following 
closes: 


(a) Hoping that this adjustment will meet with your approval, we 
are Sincerely yours. 

(b) In the hope that you will send in your contribution at once, 
we remain Very sincerely yours. 

(c) Assuring you that we are offering the best investment in the 
automotive world, we beg to remain Cordially yours. 

(d@) Knowing that you cannot afford to do without this article at 
such a low cost, we are Yours truly. 

(e) With sincere good wishes for your welfare, we assure you that 
we are Sincerely yours, 

(f) Thanking you for your kindest attention to this matter, 
Respectfully yours. 

(g) Assuring you that it will be a pleasure to serve you, we are 
Yours truly. 

(h) Thanking you for giving the above your attention, we are 
Most respectfully yours. 

(7) Anticipating the pleasure of serving you and thanking you for 
your inquiry, We are, Very respectfully yours. 

(j) Thanking you for your patronage which is much appreciated 
we are, Yours very truly. 


4. The following closes are correct. Explain why. 


Very truly yours, 
Harmon Judson (Signed ) 


Harmon Judson (Typed) 
President, 
The Parsons Feed Company 


Very truly yours, 

The National Fruit Company 
Walter Ferris (Signed) 
President 


Very truly yours, 
Harmon Judson, President 
The Parsons Feed Company 


Very truly yours, 
The National Fruit Company 


By Walter Ferris 


i Mah Pat he 
ehh ew i AN 


Doh Ae 
pt vas vi) Pa 


i] 


LHe bara ra 


W U 


ry wen ’ 
RPDS PROT | 


i 


, 
Rie poe) 4 
sore Whe 4 
3 dt 
eee AVA 


Ry. aye a, 
SP a Tk 





Part II 
THE BUSINESS LETTER 








CHAPTER VI 
THE SALES LETTER 


Success in business is justified by quality products and 
genuine service. The legitimate reward of such success is 
profit. In these days of national and local advertising, a meas- 
urable part of the responsibility for assuring profits is carried 
by sales copy. It is, therefore, not accidental that sales writ- 
ing represents the most advanced form of business writing. 
It is, furthermore, not the result of chance that the sales let- 
ter, a form of sales writing, is the most highly developed type 
of business letter. 

The close relation between the sales letter and the funda- 
mental needs of business has become fully recognized. Mod- 
ern correspondents are convinced that the selling point of view 
dominates all forms of business letter activities. Correspon- 
dents in the order department, as well as in the credit, col- 
lection, and adjustment departments are, in the modern sense, 
qualified to write resultful letters in proportion to their knowl- 
edge of the sales viewpoint. Because every business letter is 
considered a selling letter, an understanding of the funda- 
mental principles governing the sales letter is indispensable. 

Sales letter not an advertisement.—Sales letters and ad- 
vertisements are alike in aim: to evoke favorable responses 
in the form of direct sales or good will. There is, how- 
ever, a fundamental difference in method and approach. 
Advertisements, designed to reach masses of men, are broad- 
cast where they can be read by everybody, in newspé pers, 
magazines, street cars, and on billboards. The advertise- 
ment, moreover, must compete with other advertisements 
for the attention of the reader. The sales letter is sent to a 
specific address for the perusal of the individual addressed. 

The following advertising circular, for example, was sent 
to university instructors in English. It was multigraphed ona 
letter sheet, but without the inside address, salutation, and 


149 


150 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


complimentary close. It will be observed also that the con- 
tents and language of the message lack adaptation to the 
special needs of teachers. ‘The text is not designed solely 
with the object of arousing desire and conviction in the class 
addressed. Important also is the fact that the Reference 
Guide to Spenser must compete with the Syllabus for atten- 
tion. A letter concentrating on one or the other of these 
items and written with an individual or distinctly class appeal, 
would make a stronger impression. 


The Syllabus of American Literature by William T. Hastings presents 
in brief, convenient form the essential facts in the history of American 
literature, with critical judgments of the chief authors and their more 
significant works. 

Probably no modern poet offers a greater variety of perplexing literary 
problems than does Spenser, and the number of them is swelled by 
deliberate use of a sort of camouflage and self-protective coloration on 
the part of the poet and his friends. d Reference Guide to Edmund 
Spenser by Frederic I. Carpenter aims in some measure to indicate, 
record, classify, and codify most of these important topics and problems 
of Spenser criticism, solved and unsolved, the materials of which have 
been accumulating for some three centuries. “The Reference Guide is 
a starting-point for study of Spenser’s career, writings, and literary 
history. 


The mere fact of printing such an advertisement on letter 
paper and sending it through the mails does not make it a 
sales letter. The reason is that language, form, and general 
make-up differ according to whether you aim to reach masses 
or individuals. ‘Thus the letter gains power in proportion to 
the writer’s success in making it personal. 

The reader should feel that the letter not only was sent to 
him but also was written for him. The material is selected 
with his desires and needs as guides, and the tone, language, 
and length are adapted to his habits and tastes. It is obvious 
that few sales letters are individually composed and typed. 
They are usually sent out in mailings of at least one thousand. 
Nevertheless, it is also obvious that the writer needs to know 
the traits of individuals he plans to reach. The more in- 
dividuals of that class he has met personally, the better able he 
is to appeal to them in their characteristic modes of thought — 
and expression. Thus a letter selling equipment to physicians ~ 


THE SALES LETTER 151 


differs in tone and language from one mailed to farmers. A 
letter selling electrical household appliances to women de- 
mands a different approach from one selling apparatus to elec- 
trical engineers. ‘These are broad but real distinctions. Much 
the same material may be used in letters to different types of 
individuals, but for each group the material is selected accord- 
ing to the needs of that group. 

Such adaptation is illustrated in the following letter. It 
concentrates on the Spenser book, and makes a special appeal 
to teachers of English in colleges and universities. 


Professor U. R. Uptodate, 
Modern University, 
Culturetown, Indiana. 


Dear Sir: 


You have long felt a real need for a trustworthy guide to the study 
of Spenser. 


Although there are many brilliant essays on various aspects of Spenser’s 
genius and his contribution to English poetry, no one book that au- 
thoritatively assembles the large body of critical opinion has heretofore 
been available to teachers and students. 


Probably no poet offers a greater variety of perplexing literary problems 
than does Spenser. “The number of these is swelled by deliberate use 
of a sort of camouflage and self-protective coloration on the part of the 
poet and his friends. 


“A Reference Guide to Edmund Spenser” by Frederic I. Carpenter 
aims in some measure to indicate, record, classify, and codify most of 
these important problems of Spenser criticism, solved and unsolved, the 
materials of which have been accumulating for some three centuries. 


“A Reference Guide to Edmund Spenser’ is the starting point for 
study of Spenser’s career, writings, and literary history. 


This invaluable contribution to scholarship in the field of English 
literature is an indispensable part of the library of your institution. 
It should be a part of your library, whether or not you are now teach- 
ing Spenser, because his influence is felt in all later English poetry. 


The price of this volume brings it within the reach of every instructor 
in English. 

‘The inclosed stamped card is for your convenience in ordering. Ob- 
serve that you may have the GUIDE sent on approval if you make 


use of this card within ten days. 
Sincerely yours, 


152 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


It is important, furthermore, that the letter appear to be 
what it is, a personal communication. The producing power 
of an otherwise good sales appeal is reduced if stationery, 
letterhead, and black and white spaces have not been adjusted 
to make the letter seem personal. The reader loses interest 
the moment he suspects he is not reading a personal message. 

The letter page can be personalized so that each reader 
feels he is the individual addressed. ‘The ‘‘fill-in’”’ must, and 
can, match the body perfectly. ‘The signature should appear 
personal. ‘The added expense of these items is more than 
offset by increased sales resulting from the stronger attention 
value of the individual appeal. 

The glamour of the sales letter.—There are good reasons 
for the high esteem in which the sales letter is held. The sales 
department is the key department around which are grouped 
the auxiliary departments of credit, service, collection, and ad- 
justment. Letters written in these departments are auxiliary 
to sales letters. Sales letters successfully initiate transactions 
carried on and completed satisfactorily in other departments. 


The Advantages of the Sales Letter. 


Range of uses.— [he sales letter has a wide range of uses. 
It profitably markets products varying in price from five dol- 
lars and less, to five thousand dollars and higher. By means 
of it the local barber or laundryman swells his list of cus- 
tomers. Mail-order houses sell an enormous variety of goods 
to hundreds of thousands of customers. A nationally known 
concern selling a high-priced product indispensable to mer- 
chants has sent out more than one hundred thousand sales 
letters in a single mailing. This magic messenger can sell 
equally well a two-dollar book or a high-priced farm tractor. 
It can also sell valuable expert advice to a restricted list of 
high-salaried executives. 

Low cost.—The low cost of the sales letter as compared 
with that of personal salesmanship is another important item. 
The saving in time, traveling expenses, and hotel bills is strik- 
ing. Whereas the expenses of the road salesman total ten 
per cent at least, salesmanship by letter reduces the cost of 
selling to three per cent or less. 


THE SALES LETTER 153 


The letter unfailingly reaches the customer. The gov- 
ernment stamp is a passport to the inner office. If the recip- 
‘ient is ‘not in,” the message can wait without added cost. 
Unlike the personal salesman, it does not retrace steps or omit 
the call when the prospect is “not in.” 

Pioneer work.—Pioneer work is effectively done by the 
sales letter. It prepares the way for the salesman. Often 
the customer must be educated to the point where he realizes 
his need for the product. Even in the sale of high-priced in- 
struments and machines, the letter can effectively do this pio- 
neer work. Manufacturers of farm tractors show letters in 
which salesmanship on paper not only has educated the pros- 
pect but also has made the sale without the aid of personal 
salesmen. 


The Uses of the Sales Letter. 


Selling direct by mail— (1) The manufacturer of a radio 
loudspeaker sells direct to the consumer. The whole transac- 
tion is completed by letter. (2) When the expense of per- 
sonal selling to small or remotely situated dealers is excessive 
in proportion to the expected profit, letters are used to make 
the sale. (3) When the salesman has failed to meet a dealer, 
letters are used. (4) Direct by mail methods are utilized 
to sell products on consignment, like electric light bulbs and 
garden seeds. 

Persuading customers to come to the merchant’s store.— 
(1) A local milliner or clothier shows consumers how they can 
best satisfy their seasonal needs at his store. He sends one 
letter adapted to the needs of former customers, and another 
to reach local prospects listed, for example, in the telephone 
directory. This type of letter prepares the way for the sale, 
which is completed at the store. (2) An electric flatiron is 
nationally advertised by a manufacturer who does not sell 
direct to consumers. Inquiries resulting from such advertis- 
ing are answered in such a way as to induce the prospect to 
visit the local dealer, who completes the sale at his store. 
(Note: In place of writing the inquirer alone, the manufac- 
turer often notifies the nearest dealer, who follows up with 
a sales letter adapted to the situation. ) 


154 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Educating the prospect.—It is not the primary purpose of 
this type of letter to make the sale. (1) The manufacturer 
of a cream separator or milking machine explains his machine 
and service in a series of letters designed to arouse the desire 
of the dairy farmer for the product. (2) A tire manufac- 
turer aims. to convince a capable dealer of the advantages of 
carrying a complete line of sizes and styles, and to persuade 
him to take over the local service agency. A series of letters 
familiarizes the dealer with the groundwork of the plan, in 
preparation for the visit of a factory sales representative who 
makes the sale. 

The sales letter, then, aims to accomplish one or the other 
of two purposes: (1) to make the sale; (2) to prepare the 
way for the sale. 

The student must remember that order-taking is not sell- 
ing. When a customer comes into a store with the object of 
buying a Lionel electric train for his child, all the clerk does 
is to find out how much the customer wishes to spend. ‘The 
clerk does not sel] the Lionel train. He does not induce the 
customer to buy it. He merely takes the order. The customer 
entered the store sold on the Lionel electric outfit. Salesman- 
ship involves two additional steps: arousing desire, and con- 
vincing the prospect that your product satisfies his needs and 
desires. 

The function of selling in place of order-taking is illus- 
trated in the following letter. It is designed to do pioneer 
work. Far from attempting to close a sale and to take an 
order, its aim is to begin to educate the prospect to the reali- 
zation of his need for the ‘‘Book of Knowledge.’ The imme- 
diate object is to secure the prospect’s permission to send a 
book of specimen pages from the twenty volumes of the 
‘Book of Knowledge.” 

Analysis reveals that the free offer is merely bait to arouse 
interest to the point where the reader will ask for the speci- 
men book. The ultimate object is to sell this reader on the 
‘Book of Knowledge.” 

True salesmanship is revealed in that the letter initiates 
an action by persuading the reader to accept the compli- 
mentary book. ‘This book, in turn, supported by succeeding 
letters, is designed to sell him on a set of books for which 
he had not previously recognized a need. 


THE SALES LETTER 155 


Dear Sir: 

If there are children of school age in your family, they will enjoy and 
appreciate the wonderfully interesting free book that we shall be glad 
to send you by mail without cost. 


This free book will appeal to every boy and girl. It is made up of 
articles from the Book oF KNOWLEDGE, with a wealth of interesting 
pictures, some of them in color. 


We shall mail this book, absolutely free of charge, and without obliga- 
tion on your part, if there are children in your family. The inclosed 
card is stamped for your convenience in replying. (If there are no 
children in your family, may we ask that you turn this letter and card 
over to a friend who may be interested ?) 

Dr. John H. Finley, formerly Commissioner of Education of the State 
of New York, says of the Book oF KNowLeEpcE: “Suppose a boy of ten 
were to spend fifteen minutes a day reading these pages . . . he would 
at thirteen know more about the earth and life on it than the wisest 
men knew a few generations ago.” 

The Book oF KNOWLEDGE is well worth the most serious consideration 
of every parent because it concerns the most important problem of 
today—the education of the children. 

Children will enjoy and appreciate the free specimen-page book. Send 
the stamped card, and the book will be mailed at once with our 


compliments. 
Yours truly, 


The Structure of the Sales Letter. 


A complete sales letter incorporates the essential elements 
of the sales appeal. Analysis of thousands of successful sales 
letters reveals no deviation from the principle that action is 
produced most effectively by observance of the following four 
steps: 

1. The beginning: establishing contact. 

2. The second step: creating desire. 

3. The third step: convincing the reader. 

4. The ending: stimulating action. 


These headings, together with the order in which they 
appear, are based on sound psychology and wide experience. 
Experimentation with the structure of sales letters over a 
period of many years has proved the soundness of this out- 
line. It stands as a safe guide for all writers of sales letters. 


156 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


One word of caution, however, is necessary. It is desir- 
able for clearness in discussion to separate the headings of the 
sales approach. Such separation, clear-cut and definite, is 
seldom found in practice. It is true that no sales letter in- 
corporating a complete sales appeal can hope to be successful 
without these headings. Yet the seasoned writer knows very 
well that it is difficult to draw a sharp line of demarcation 
between the several headings, and to say that creating desire 
stops just here, and convincing the reader begins precisely 
there. In practice the headings shade into one another. If 
they did not, the letter would be lacking in smooth flow of 
thought. The student, then, must not make the mistake of 
thinking of these headings as though each were a clearly de- 
fined unit, like a drawer in a bureau. Such separation is un- 
avoidable in the following pages, however, if each function 
is to be studied and illustrated to advantage. The best sales 
letters, nevertheless, do not show such a clearly marked sepa- 
ration. 

The beginning: establishing contact.—The purpose of 
the first sentence is to win the reader’s attention. Upon 
its power to interest him depends his willingness to read. 
Whether he reads or tosses the letter into the wastebasket un- 
read is determined by the success with which the opening 
sentence establishes contact through an appeal to his needs, 
self-interest, and desires. If the opening is so compelling as 
to incline him to read farther, his mind is clear for the recep- 
tion of the sales message. 

The attention-getter, as the first sentence is called, must be 
brief, attractive, and appropriate. Since a long paragraph is 
heavy and uninviting, the first paragraph should always be 
short. Compactness and simplicity are indispensable qualities. 
The material can be made attractive if it is presented specif- 
ically, concretely, and from the point of view of the person 
addressed. The opening sentence must be interesting in it- 
self, and at the same time it must tie up directly with the 
message it introduces. 

Weak beginnings——Tested for the essential qualities 
stated in the foregoing paragraphs, the following types of 
opening sentences are uninteresting. The alert writer never 
uses them, 


THE SALES LETTER 157 


1. Avoid timorous openings couched in the language of 
trade announcements. The language lacks vitality. It is most 
often hackneyed. The point of view is too much that of the 
seller. The following openings are weak: 


We take pleasure in announcing that... . 

It gives us great pleasure to inform you that. . . 
You will be interested to know that we are... 
We beg to inform you that... 


Being convinced that you are a progressive dealer, we are offering 
you e J e 


I am offering something in which I think you will be interested. 


_ I suppose you are aware that I have opened a Men’s Shop right here 
in our own town. 


2. Avoid negative openings, such as apologies and unpleas- 
ant or painful suggestions. Apologies are never in place. 
Unpleasant suggestions put the reader in a mood opposite to 
the one intended. ‘Thus a letter selling multigraphing service 
to a business man should not begin with the statement that 
most reproduced letters are failures. Such a statement is 
striking enough as a stimulus to attention. Its negative em- 
phasis, however, is fatally strong. It arouses suspicion. Such 
a handicap cannot be overcome by any amount of skillful 
persuasion. The original impression cannot be erased, and 
doubt as to the usefulness of this type of letter remains in the 
reader's mind. ‘The following openings are fatally negative: 


All mechanical equipment is subject to occasional troubles and disorders, 
but we assure you that all ordinary troubles have been reduced to a 
minimum in the Mertoun Mechanical Dishwasher. 


Although we know you are a busy business man, we are taking the 
liberty of writing you concerning... 


Our new service plan for dealers surely deserves a minute of your 
valuable time. 


Pardon our intrusion upon your crowded hours, but we have something 
so good to offer that you will be willing to give a minute of your 
precious time. 


Federal Judge Anderson in Boston said the other day: “There are no 
greater idiots in the world than the investing public.” 


158 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Negative suggestion is perhaps legitimate and successful in 
letters selling tornado or fire insurance. Even here the ap- 
peal is painful, and therefore to that extent repelling. 

The appeal to fear has been used repeatedly in promoting 
the sale of Weed tire chains. The well-known attention-getter 
Skid-Shocked is accompanied by the picture of a woman in a 
state of collapse at the steering wheel. This appeal is more 
effective in an advertisement than in a personal letter. 

The following paragraph, from an advertisement pub- 
lished by The Parent Association, is designed to stimulate 
inquiries about ‘“New Methods of Child Training.” 


The shrill scream of a child. The screech of hurriedly applied 
brakes against skidding wheels. “Too late! A crumpled form is carried 
in tender arms to a waiting mother. “Driver not to blame,’ the 
coroner's jury says. 


3. Avoid irrelevant openings because, however interesting, 
they do not tie up with the sales message. The reader resents 
being tricked into attention. Such a letter, even if read, has 
little chance of being read sympathetically because the trick 
opening awakens suspicion concerning the facts of the mes- 
sage itself. 


You would like to make ten thousand dollars in one month, wouldn’t 
you? 

We cannot guarantee that amount, but in December you can make as 
much of that amount as your radio trade warrants, if you stock up on 
our latest improved Wave Capture radio set, selling for $60 complete. 


Observe the bulldog when he is invited into a scrap. He merely 
growls a word of thanks, and then reaches for his favorite hold. 


No fight in which he takes part is a draw. 


There is, of course, no real resemblance between a bulldog who thinks 
with his lower jaw, so to speak, and an intelligent business man, 
Duties Ss 


4. Vague openings never interest the reader. Colorless 
generalizations give him nothing substantial to think about. 
The more definite and specific the opening sentence is made, 
the more effective it will be. Contrast the following examples: 


V ague: Recently one of our cars climbed a steep grade near San 
Francisco, easily lowering the record held by a car of another make. 


THE SALES LETTER 159 


Specific: On October 5, a new 10-C Sedan with three occupants 
climbed Mount Diablo near San Francisco—an elevation of 3000 feet 
in 12 miles—in the remarkable time of 25 minutes 17 seconds, exceed- 
ing by one minute 28 seconds the best previous record, held by a car 
recently heralded as a sensational hill-climber. 


Good beginnings—Among the many possible good open- 
ings, the following types have been found successful. 

1. Timely news items have attention value. Closely re- 
lated is the timely reference to seasonal activities. Seasonal 
appeals are almost certain of attention. Holidays offer oppor- 
tune points of contact. 


At no time of the year does the home and its needs get so much atten- 
tion as in the months immediately following the elections. (Urging 
dealers to stock goods.) 


At this time of year, executives in the automotive industry are formulat- 
ing their plans for 1926. 


Judge Gary, in an interview published on February 16, said: “The next 
six months will witness a general improvement in business.” 


The following quotations from recent published statements by heads 
of giant corporations prove that the back of old man Hard Times has 
been broken. (Urging dealers to stock.) 

You have been waiting for January—the month for thrifty buyers. 
Our store is in full readiness to hurry winter merchandise out, in order 
to make room for new spring goods. 


2. The statement of a significant fact, which must meet 
the requirements of buyers, establishes contact readily. 
Such a fact is chosen with full consideration of the “you 
attitude.” 


We are sending you, under separate cover, gratis, samples of Shuman’s 


Adjustable Shelf Clamps and Gummed Price Stickers. 
The signature on this letter has been produced by a “Wet Ink” method. 


As one who believes in better homes and in civic improvement, you will 
enjoy reading “Better Homes and Gardens.” 


3. Material like the foregoing is often effectively brought 
forward in the form of a question. The question, however, 
both in material and phrasing, must reveal understanding of 
the reader’s needs. ‘he writer, furthermore, must be certain 
that the question applies to the reader’s needs and that it 


160 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


will be answered in the affirmative. Many druggists, for ex- 
ample, would answer the following question in the negative, 
with the result that the opening falls flat: “Your customers 
have been clamoring for the Whizz Hot Bottle, haven't they ?” 
The following openings are good: 


Have you ever had some friend in the Dress business take you around 
to a manufacturer’s, and let you pick the exact model you wanted, at 
the wholesale price? (Concerning gowns, in a letter to women. 
Desire is aroused even if the prospect has never had the experience.) 


How would you edit a magazine? (To former subscribers. ) 


Have you read this about President Butler? (Interests college men 
in a series of articles on university affairs. ) 

Do you realize the satisfaction to be derived from the use of an enclosed 
porch? 

Would you pass up a chance to save a whole year’s interest on four 
$1,000 five per cent securities? 

Can you afford to take a chance with your baby? (Stork nursery 
scales. ) 


Would you fight an armed mob with bare fists? (Helping a dealer to 
meet competition with modern methods. ) 


What are you doing to protect your child’s skin? (Face soap.) 


Do animals obey the ten commandments better than men and women? 
(A set of books on animal life.) 


4. The if opening is effective. When the conditional 
opening states the cause, interest is aroused to ascertain the 
effect of the cause. When the effect is presented, the reader 
is tempted to complete the sentence to discover the cause. 
The conditional opening appeals to the universal instinct of 
curiosity. It is therefore certain of attention when correctly 
phrased. 


If you want perfect radio reception in your home, remember— 
Lafayette. 

Whether your product is sold through distributor, jobber, or dealer 
trade channels, the man who actually sells your goods is the man who 
comes into final contact with the ultimate purchaser. 


If clothes could talk—“We want Fels-Naphtha,” they would shout in 
chorus. 


THE SALES LETTER 161 


5. The split opening is also effective as an appeal to 
curiosity. Short opening paragraphs have greatest attention 
value. When, therefore, the opening sentence is long, it 
should be so constructed as to permit a “split.” A “‘split’’ 
opening is one in which the sentence is begun in the first para- 
graph and completed in the second paragraph. ‘This device 
has the added advantage of getting the reader beyond the 
first paragraph. Once he is beyond the first paragraph, he will 
probably continue to read. The Baltimore Sun, for example, 
sets out to prove the value of an efficient “‘exclusive agency”’ 
system of newspaper distribution to Baltimore homes. This 
newspaper publishes morning, evening, and Sunday editions. 


There may be room for debate as to the value of exclusive agencies in 
some fields— 


But time has demonstrated the value of concentration of effort in the 
distribution of Sunpapers. 


6. A vivid or witty anecdote always grips the reader’s 
attention. All the world loves a good story well told. In 
the sales letter, it must be brief and appropriate. Well-placed 
humor not only puts the reader in a responsive mood but also 
illuminates the sales message. To accomplish these highly 
desirable results, the story must be pat; that is, it must be 
directly applicable to the sales message. 


Dear Sir: 


Once upon a time, it was customary, before offering refreshment to a 
guest, for the host first to taste the food or sip the drink. He inspired 
confidence—‘If I am safe, you need not fear.” 


Now, when a salesman approaches a customer with something new to 
sell (new, at least to the customer), he must find a tangible token of 
confidence, too, for he meets the question, ““Who uses this? I should 
like to know what results someone near by has had with it.” 


And here you are. 


Thousands of folk have used Kelvinator Electric Refrigeration in their 
homes for years. “They have found it to be the ideal way to keep food 
pure and fresh and to have ice available for table use at all times. 


Here is a list of Kelvinator owners right in your own vicinity. Call 
them up or write them. We are confident that they will be glad to 
endorse Kelvinator. 


162 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Ask any Kelvinator owner, and you'll learn why you ought to install 
Kelvinator Refrigeration. 

Kelvinator comes in various sizes and styles ready to be installed in any 
square ice box with front doors. 

If you fill out the inclosed card, we'll gladly send you full particulars 
about this great electric refrigeration invention. You will see Kelvin- 
ator in operation if you will call at our showroom. 


Very sincerely yours, 


At the sound of the janitor’s broom, each microbe on your floors mounts 
his flying steed (a particle of dust) and goes on a rampage through your 
premises. (Use Dustdown for sweeping.) 


You remember how a famous artist was asked how he mixed his colors— 
and the reply, ““With brains, sir.’ (How Maxwell House Coffee is 
blended. ) 


7. The you attitude is prevailingly used in the foregoing 
good openings. Whether the pronoun you is expressed or not, 
the vital opening takes the point of view of the reader. It 
is an established rule that a good letter proceeds from you 
at the opening to we at the close; that is, the reader’s inter- 
ests dominate the opening, the writer’s interests may dominate 
the close, but not baldly. It is certain that the J and we open- 
ings kill interest. The opening may contain a generous sprink- 
ling of you’s and your’s and yet be conceived from the point 
of view of the writer. Such a statement as, “If there is any 
way in which I can serve you in fitting out your home, I shall 
be more than pleased to do so,” fails to arouse attention, not 
alone because the statement is vague, but chiefly because it 
stresses the writer’s interests. 


The second step: creating desire.—Attention is now 
capitalized by awakening interest in the product. Interest is 
focused on the individualizing features or qualities of the 
product. In the brief space of a single letter, the writer can- 
not present the whole sales story. He therefore concentrates 
on the appeal that meets a known need or desire. It may 
even be necessary to awaken a sense of need or desire. In 
either case, he chooses the selling point that differentiates 
his product from others in the same competitive class. 

The problem is to find the talking point. The Kelvinator 


| 





THE SALES LETTER 163 


letter on page 161 concentrates on testimonials and refer- 
ences to establish conviction. The writer entirely ignores 
creation of desire, assuming, rightly, that his prospects are 
“sold” on the Kelvinator, but that they hesitate because they 


fear this desirable invention has not stood the test of actual 
-use long enough to warrant purchase by householders. 


Usually, however, the sales letter creates desire before at- 
tempting to establish conviction. The prospect must be 
“‘sold.”’ He must be shown that he needs or desires the prod- 
uct. There are several ways of creating desire. 

1. External description—Desire is most effectively 


created by placing the product or article in an attractive light. 


This is often accomplished by means of description. It is, 
however, a mistake to rely exclusively on external description. 
By means of words alone it is difficult, and in the final analy- 
sis impossible, to.create a complete and convincing picture of 


‘the physical qualities of the article. Words cannot produce 
the effect properly secured with lines, colors, and perspec- 


tive. Not only limitations of space, but also the impossibility 


of producing an adequate impression of physical presence by 


direct description of external details, indicate the ineffective- 
ness of exhaustive literal description (word pictures). An 
attempt to describe size, shape, color, materials, and operation 
is seldom successful in stimulating desire. An example of ex- 
ternal description follows: 


Remember, you get four volumes, each volume 8% inches high, 6 inches 
wide, and 1 inch thick, printed from the original plates on a specially im- 
ported English wove paper, beautifully and substantially bound. 


Description of appearance and construction, if used at all 
in the letter, must be brief and suggestive. Illustrated folders 
and booklets, in the form of inclosures, complete and 
strengthen the impression upon which the letter concentrates. 
Inclosures properly do the detailed work of external descrip- 
tion. This procedure is well illustrated in a letter calling at- 
tention to the sea outings offered by the United Fruit Com- 
pany. Observe how the awakened interest of the reader is 
guided to the inclosed leaflets supplementing the descriptive 
headings of the letter. 


It is appropriate to mention that our steamers are especially constructed 
for Caribbean travel. All cabins are outside, large, cool, and provided 


164 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


with fans, and so forth. The spacious decks, lounges, music and smok- 
ing rooms afford all the desired comforts for ocean travel. We carry 
only First Class passengers, and the meals are included. ‘The steamer 
goes to the dock at all ports, and is your hotel there en route to destina- 
tion. You thereby avoid hotel expenses ashore, and the real inconven- 
iences of having the ship anchored out in the bay. 


I am inclosing two special leaflets for your careful attention which 
cover the many trips ranging from nine to twenty days’ duration. .. . 
Your particular attention is invited to the weather statistics tabulated 
in the Sea Outings folder. There is practically no variation between 
the winter and summer temperatures in the Caribbean. ‘The highest 
temperature recorded at the Panama Canal Zone... 


2. Emotional description—Emotional description is most 
effective when the letter alone does the work, without the as- 
sistance of inclosures. Words and phrases are chosen and as- 
sembled to make the reader visualize the product in terms 
of the satisfaction its possession will afford him. A suggestive 
concrete appeal to one or more of the five senses is more tell- 
ing than paragraphs of statistical or other matter-of-fact de- 
scription. External description may reach the head but not 
the heart of the prospect. Desire is an emotion. ‘To stimu- 
late desire, the appeal should, whenever possible, stir the 
emotions. ‘The appeal to the emotions is not the only way 
of creating desire; but it is effective—always with luxuries, 
and most frequently with necessaries. 

If, for example, the letter is to sell a heat regulator, the 
prospect will register desire if the regulator is described in 
terms of the convenience and comfort it affords. ‘The rea- 
son for the superiority of emotional description is that the 
prospect is not buying copper wire, dry cell batteries, a brass 
thermometer, chains, together with the cog wheels and pulleys 
constituting the mechanism. He is, instead, buying the service 
this patented combination of metal products assures him. He 
can be interested to the extent of desiring the heat regulator 
if the letter suggests vividly the comforts (1) of a warm 
bathroom early in the morning, (2) the saving of steps and 
worry for the wife during the day, and (3) rooms of even 
temperature for the children or guests. Such an emotional 
appeal realizes the service of the automatic heat regulator in 
terms of actual experience. In the same way a letter selling 
books does not go into details concerning binding, paper stock, 


PAE SALES VLELT ER 165 


and typography. Instead, in the most effective approach, it 
emphasizes the pleasure the books afford in terms of exciting 
adventure or restful thought. 

Such appeals to the senses are mainly directed to the 
instincts of human beings. These instincts are inborn cravings 
demanding constantly to be satisfied. Analysis of successful 
advertisements reveals that copy writers address themselves 
most frequently to strong instincts like the following: imita- 
tion, parental love, pride, play, comfort, convenience, cleanli- 
ness, and acquisitiveness. 

A grand piano is sold by the appeal to imitation when the 
value of the instrument is enhanced in the eyes of the pur- 
chaser by the fact that a favorite soprano at the opera uses it 
exclusively. Many people seem to find a toilet soap desirable 
because a popular actress uses it exclusively. 

The appeal to pride in attractive appearance is employed 
in the sale of face lotions, clothes, and reducing systems. Pride 
of ownership and imitation dominate the following letter 
paragraph: 


Northland skis are used by perhaps 90 per cent of the best skiers, and 
by practically 100 per cent of the expert ski jumpers. During recent 
years all the world’s records have been made on Northland skis. 


Mountain and seashore resorts, toy shops, and sporting 
goods establishments create desire by arousing the play in- 
stinct. 

Electric washers, toasters, sweepers, and other mechanical 
devices for the home and office are sold through the appeal to 
comfort and convenience. ‘Thus, for example, in selling the 
electric ice machine for the home, the appeal is to convenience: 


The Kelvin-et can be set in place like any article of furniture. The 
only connection required is “plugging in,” as you would an electric 
iron. . . . Lhe Kelvin-et operates automatically, requires no attention, 
and relieves you of all the worry and trouble of ice delivery. 


The universal instinct of cleanliness has abolished the 
sugar barrel, vinegar barrel, molasses barrel. Food is sold in 
packages and tins because they keep food sanitary. Bread is 
kneaded, baked, and wrapped by machinery. 

The dealer’s desire to increase his profits is based on the 
instinct of acquisitiveness. Stocks, industrial bonds, and mort- 


166 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


gage bonds are likewise sold to the man who desires to in- 
crease his income. Sometimes this instinct is so strong as 
to cloud a man’s judgment, and he succumbs to the tempta- 
tion of “investing” in gold mines with prospects as fair as the 
blue sky of a perfect summer’s day. 

Language of the emotional appeal.—Restraint is neces- 
sary in the choice of words if the emotional effect is to be suc- 
cessful. Direct-by-mail sales language must be toned down to 
the quiet home surroundings in which the letter is read. As 
Richard Surrey has phrased it, ‘‘Shrinking violet stuff will gen- 
erally be found more effective than the volcanic kind.” Noth- 
ing is gained nowadays with “copy that singes the hair.” 
Young writers betray their inexperience by piling up adjectives. 
One well-chosen word is more effective and response-produc- 
ing than a whole string of lightly chosen adjectives. Atten- 
tion should be given to verbs. A well-chosen verb gives life to 
otherwise dead copy. Vivid verbs make vital copy. The fol- 
lowing questions, asked by the Ayer Advertising Agency, are 
to the point. 


Juice-laden sweetness—fragrant as orange-blossoms—would these 
sell you this particular orange? 


A green-gold globe bursting with exhilarating tartness—would that 
tempt you to try this grapefruit? 

Crisp as frost, ruddy-cheeked, without blemish—would that entice 
you to ask for this particular apple? 

And so the housewife, after reading Blue Goose advertising, goes 
to market with a picture of the unusual goodness of Blue Goose 
produce in her mind. Vivid copy reduces the retail distributor’s work 
to the simple process of taking and delivering orders. 


To visualize products in tempting words requires a ‘“‘nicety 
in words.” 

Imaginative language creates desire-——Description em- 
ployed to arouse desire must always be brief. The language 
must be specific, concrete, and suggestive. Where vague ex- 
pressions and general terms make no impression, image-mak- 
ing words stimulate the imagination into activity that arouses 
latent desires. 

Simple figures of speech—similes and metaphors—vivify 
and vitalize the message. They make the description lively 


THE SALES LETTER 167 


and colorful. Thus the Baltimore Sun advertisement states 
that ‘Everything in Baltimore revolves around the Sun.” 

_ The following description arouses desire because the ice- 
cream freezer is placed where the housewife can see it in her 
‘kitchen cabinet. Observe also the appeal to comfort and 
cleanliness. 


With its lustrous, lasting enameled surface in a cheerful, light tone, 
-and its vivid deep blue label, the Acme Freezer makes a most attractive 
addition to the modern kitchen equipment. The Acme is sanitary, 
and easy to clean. 


Ketchup copy arouses desire by a vivid sense appeal, pleas- 
antly assisted by sentimental recollection, which is also an emo- 
tional experience. 


Can’t you recall old-time “Ketchup Day’? Remember how the lus- 
cious, red-ripe tomatoes were gathered early in the morning in the old 
home-garden? ‘The glistening dew was still on them. 


From the kitchen was wafted the fragrance of secret spicing and season- 


ing, as the tomatoes were cooked just long enough, just lightly enough, 
on the back of the stove. 


Wheatena has a “distinctive nutty flavor.’ Martha 
Washington shoes mark the “‘difference between harsh, abusive 
shoes, and gentle, supporting, easy shoes.”’ 

Observe how every word is alive with suggestion in the 
paragraph interesting drivers in tire chains: 


With rain pattering down on the car roof—a narrow road, wet, slip- 
pery, and treacherous; uncertain traction; a steep grade behind you, a 
dangerous curve ahead, and a car just coming around the turn—then you 
hope the other fellow has good sense too—that he is safeguarding his 
own life and yours by using Weed Chains. 


Or again, one vivid word impresses the whole message on the 
mind: 


The insistent memory of the helpless slithering towards a danger point. 


_ The sprightly, picturesque language of the following ex- 
cerpt awakens the reader’s curiosity to know more about the 
sixteen-year-old girl author. The lively tone of the paragraph 
is suggestive of the spirit of youth. 


168 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


When most of us were learning to read, Mollie Panter-Downes was 
writing her first story. Right now she is amazing England with her 
first novel, ‘“The Shoreless Sea.” The careful London critics are hail- 
ing little Mollie as a genius while her hair is still in curls. The 
November Cosmopolitan gives you her first story for an American 
magazine. Another love story. And it’s as tender and exciting as 
youth’s first kiss. 


The appeal to the imagination is strong in the following 
sales paragraphs because every one of the specific picture- 
making words and phrases adds a concrete touch that awakens 
desire. 


Every tourist hopes some time to see the Wonder City of America: 
the famous sky line of the world’s tallest buildings; Wall Street, the 
steel-and-concrete canyon of finance; the Great White Way that comes 
gayly to life after dark... . 

Whether you enter through the water gate from the west, the Boston 
Post Road from the north, or by the Sunrise Trail from Long Island, 
you will find the roads dotted with stations where careful motorists 
are buying Texaco Motor Oil by name, and identifying it by the clean, 
clear, golden color. 


Emotional description is well handled in the following 
desire-arousing paragraph, which gives the reader something 
tangible to visualize. 


As you sit before your Silver Voice Loudspeaker in your living room 
at home, you have but to close your eyes to visualize the famous artists 
who are generously broadcasting for your pleasure. Clear, pure, vital 
strains come through Silver Voice, the loudspeaker with the natural 
tone. You are carried away with the exact and perfect reproduction 
of the timbre of the voice and the quality of the instrument to which 
you are listening. 


The third step: convincing the reader.—Emotions are 
seldom sustained, but are, rather, momentary in duration. 
Hence, because it is fleeting, desire must be converted quickly 
into conviction. If not, the reader’s glowing vision of the 
product fades as his ardor cools. Most often, therefore, the 
appeal to desire shades into the appeal to conviction. 

By means of judgment and tact, the writer senses the cli- 
max of the appeal to desire. He realizes that the point of 
departure has been reached when the prospect’s desire for 
possession is strongest. 


TLE COA CES LETTER 169 


It is necessary now to convince the reader that the product 
meets his needs and desires. Evidence must substantiate the 
glowing picture. You must now prove that your statements 
concerning quality and service—and price—are true and that 
the reader can make no mistake in purchasing your article. 

An effective method of securing conviction is to set up 
a standard, and then proceed to show how your product ex- 
cels when measured by this standard. This method is em- 
ployed by the Ware Radio Corporation: 


You need not fear that startling new developments will make your 
Ware out of date over night. In the finer sets the basic principles of 
radio reception have been scientifically tested, developed, and applied. 
You can purchase a Ware today and be sure that it will give you years 
and years of pleasure and satisfaction. 


If you are marketing a new kind of tooth brush in a new 
Way, you may interest your reader by the appeal to cleanli- 
ness. 


Frankly, don’t you prefer to know that your tooth brush is positively 
clean and sanitary? Most tooth brushes are exposed to dirt and thumb- 
ing by thoughtless people. Even those sold in cartons have to be taken 
out and exposed to handling so the purchaser can see what he buys. 


The new Owens Stapletied Tooth Brush is sold in a sparkling, clean, 
sanitary glass container. You can see what you buy, without running 
the risk of getting a soiled or germ-laden brush. ‘The container is 
heavy enough to resist breakage. It makes a wonderfully convenient 
traveling case. 


Although you have stimulated your reader to the point 
where he wishes to own one of your sanitary tooth brushes, 
he is nevertheless registering reservations. [hese mental ob- 
stacles need to be removed. 

He may fear, for example, that your new brush is inferior 
in design, or in construction. It may not clean teeth as thor- 
oughly as the brush he has been using. It may not be as 
sturdily built, so that the bristles come out irritatingly. Or 
he may fear that the cost of the brush is excessive because of 
the glass container. Such obstacles stand in the way of satis- 
fying him. You have aroused his desire, but he is not con- 
vinced. To secure conviction, you must remove these objec- 
tions. 


70 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Money cannot buy a better tooth brush. The trim design is one voted 
on by hundreds of dentists as the best for cleaning every part of the 
teeth. Notice how wide apart the bristles are—the wedge-shaped 
tops and the trim that fits the shape of your teeth. You'll like the 
curved handle too. It makes cleaning the back teeth so much easier. 
The Owens Tooth Brush, sold in this better way, doesn’t cost you a 
cent more than ordinary brushes. ‘The reason is tremendous produc- 
tion, and also the fact that we produce our own glass containers at 
minimum cost. 


Kinds of evidence-—To secure conviction, five kinds of 
evidence have been found useful in sales writings. 


1. Substantiated facts may be used in the form of statistics 
(figures and tabulated data) or statements incorporating veri- 
fiable facts concerning materials and processes of manufacture. 

2. Testimonials in the form of letters from satisfied users 
may be used. 

3. References are helpful, in the form of names of in- 
dividuals and firms using the product or service. 

4. Trial use may be offered by placing the product in the 
home for a stated period. 

5. Samples may be sent gratis or at a nominal cost. 

6. Tests are convincing. ‘The test may be made in the fac- 
tory or in a laboratory. ‘The procedure and results are ex- 
plained in the letter. Or, a sample may be sent to the prospect 
with directions for making the test himself. 

7. Guaranties may be made in the form of definite agree- 
ments assuring good appearance, durability, and efficiency. 

The foregoing types of evidence need to be explained, il- 
lustrated, and applied. 

1. Substantiated facts, to be convincing, must be definite 
and verifiable. What is equally important, statistics and state- 
ments must be presented in a form adapted to the understand- 
ing of the reader. He is not as a rule capable of analyzing 
statistics. Certainly he has not been trained to interpret them. 
Statistics are usually technical, and as such dry and unattrac- 
tive, so that most readers are repelled by them. They can, 
however, be adapted to the comprehension of the untechnical 
mind by a process of simplification and visualization. Pic- 
torial devices stimulate interest and clarify understanding 
where tabulated statistics confuse and repel. 

Instead, therefore, of relying on bald facts and figures 


THE SALES LETTER 171 


to establish conviction, the writer should humanize his mate- 
rial in concrete statements. ‘These need not lose accuracy 
because of the added human interest. Thus, for example, 
tabulated data proving the efficiency of Pierce Arrow trucks 
are less illuminating than the same data presented in the story 
of an owner’s experience with his truck. Such data can be 
made interesting in a simple narrative of the actual experiences 
of an individual owner who has subjected the truck to un- 
usually severe tests of operation. The reader can visualize the 
data as part of the story, and can therefore understand their 
application and appreciate their significance. 

If you are trying to show advertisers how your newspaper 
is superior to others in reaching the largest consumer market 
in a certain territory, you do not convince by bringing for- 
ward elaborate statistics, exhaustively presented, in the form 
in which they are on file in your office. Simplification is neces- 
sary for easy comprehension. It is readily seen that thousands 
of figures and scores of tabulations lie behind convincing para- 
graphs as easy to comprehend as the following: 


1. In the hundred mile radius around Chicago there are 32 cities 
that have a population of 10,000 or more. In 23 of these 32 impor- 
tant cities the Sunday Chicago Herald and Examiner leads in circulation. 

In these 32 flourishing cities there are 187,316 families. And among 
these 187,316 families, an average of 117,279 Herald and Examiners 
are distributed every Sunday. 


2. Yes! Gary is growing—and faster than even the livest space 
buyers realize. 

New tube mills, $23,000,000; new churches, $1,000,000; gain in 
building permits, $2,000,000; 12 miles more of street railway; 82% 
gain in registration; 12% gain in school pupils—$40,000,000 annual 
payroll. 

3. It is among the teachers in these town and rural schools that 
“Normal Instructor-Primary Plans” has more than 80% of its 160,000 
circulation. 

4. There are sales opportunities in Oklahoma. Oklahoma’s $432,- 
000,000 crop value gives the farmers of the state a $150,000,000 in- 
crease above 1924. ‘They are enjoying the greatest individual prosperity 
since 1920. 


The quality of raw materials and the processes of manu- 
facture often have a direct bearing on durability and long-con- 


172 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


tinued satisfactory service, as in the case of trucks, tractors, 
and automobile tires. ‘The purchaser is reassured by proof 
of unusual care in selection of materials and in supervision of 
processes. The writer takes the reader behind the scenes and 
into the workshop, saying to him, in effect, that there is noth- 
ing to conceal. In this connection it should be remembered 
that the effective letter must concentrate on a single selling 
point. 

By pursuing this method, the Timken roller-bearing makers 
have associated their product in the public mind with extreme 
exactness of measurements—“‘to the fraction of a millimeter” 
—insisted upon at the factory. Miller Tires are thought of 
in connection with the Miller high standard for training work- 
men, who are individually responsible for quality production. 
Such selling points are equally convincing when applied to food 
products. The consumer is confident that he is eating genu- 
ine cream tomato soup if he is told about the quality and 
quantity of shipments of cream from dairy farms to the food 
factory. 

In the justified belief that truth in advertising means 
honesty in manufacture, the prospect is convinced by appeals 
that frankly lay the facts before him. ‘This method of secur- 
ing conviction is exemplified in these two Beech-Nut para- 
graphs: | 


The red oval of Beech-Nut is an honorable coat-of-arms which has 
been borne in the forefront of many a battle for purity and high stand- 
ards in food products. 

If smoking Beech-Nut Bacon a little longer will improve that bacon, 
Beech-Nut will do it. If broken peanuts roast more quickly and give 
peanut butter a burnt taste, Beech-Nut will throw out all broken 
peanuts. And so it goes with spaghetti, pork-and-beans, catsup, jellies, 
candies, and gum. 


Experienced writers know the difficulties in the way of fea- 
turing price. When the selling point is based exclusively on 
the lower-than-average or greatly reduced price, the reasons 
for the reduction must be convincingly stated. A low price in 
itself is not a strong inducement to buy. If no reason for the 
radical reduction in price is given, the prospect doubts the 
quality of the article. : 

Ten days before Christmas, for example, an enterprising 


.THE SALES LETTER 173 


manufacturer of a six-tube radio set, priced at one hundred 
and fifty dollars, announced that he would sell this set for 
sixty dollars. He described the set fully and supplied an il- 
lustration, but he failed to state why he could sell at a saving 
of more than half the established price. Naturally, the antici- 
pated rush of buyers did not materialize. Curiosity was 
aroused, but conviction was not established. 

Each prospect in his own way conjured up negative rea- 
sons for so low a price. The material must be inferior. The 
workmanship cannot be reliable. How do we know that the 
standard price is one hundred and fifty dollars? What as- 
surance is there that the parts are not odd lots assembled to 
sell at the lower price? ‘These and similar questionings rise 
in the buyer’s mind and make him skeptical. 

The seller must meet such sales objections. Specific assur- 
ance must be given that quality of materials and workmanship 
is guaranteed to equal that of the most approved sets sold by 
dealers. References to satisfied users are indispensable for 
establishing the validity of such statements. Because price 
has been featured, the manufacturer must explain definitely 
how he saves the buyer more than half the original price. He 
might, for instance, state that he sells direct to the consumer, 
thus eliminating profits taken by distributors and dealers. He 
sells for cash only. Such points should not be merely men- 
tioned: they need to be developed and stressed. 

The following letter is convincing because the seller fully 
states his reasons for the low competitive price. 


Dear Sir: 


If we offered you one hundred dollars a month, would you accept it? 


Besides saving you that much money monthly, the following offer 
simplifies the buying and cutting of your trimmings. 


To make pockets for the normal monthly output of one thousand dozen 
suits requires one thousand ninety-one yards of “Indian Head” or “Fruit 
of the Loom” muslin, the price of either of which is eighteen cents a 
yard. ‘The thousand dozen pockets cost you—not including the cost 
of laying out and cutting—one hundred ninety-six dollars thirty-eight 
cents. 


We can supply you with seven by eight, the standard pocket, at ten 
cents a dozen, or one hundred dollars for the thousand dozen—a 
genuine saving to you of about one hundred dollars a month, 


174 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


In addition to this saving, you have the benefit of another service. In 
order to get the advantageous price of eighteen cents a yard on the 
muslin, you have to buy at least a case of it. From us you can buy 
just as much as you need. Our large stock and quick delivery enable 
you to receive your goods just a few hours after the order reaches us, 


The pockets are neatly wrapped in packages of fifty dozen, each of 
which contains ten folds of five dozen. ‘This arrangement enables you 
to give your contractor just the amount he needs. Our cutting machine 
not only insures neat and clean cutting, but also makes the pockets 
perfect in size and shape. 

You cannot afford to neglect this opportunity. ‘The more quickly you 
act, the sooner your saving begins. 

We shall gladly send you a fifty-dozen package on approval if you mail 


the inclosed card immediately. 
Yours truly, 


2. The testimonial has been shunned for more than a 
generation because of its questionable use in patent medicine 
advertisements. It is, however, rapidly gaining favor and 
seems, in fact, to be establishing itself among discriminating 
advertisers. [he testimonial, properly used, is one of the 
most powerful aids of the sales writer. ‘The favorable testi- 
mony of a known user is convincing evidence of the reliability 
of the seller’s statements. 

The testimonial is valuable in proportion to the difficulty 
of securing permission to use it. ‘The influential citizen who 
writes a spontanteous testimonial in appreciation of the beauty, 
comfort, and service built into his favorite sedan will usually 
be found to shrink from the publicity connected with the use 
of his signature in an advertisement or sales letter. A testi- 
monial must, of course, never be used without the consent of 
the writer. 

When, however, a good letter is available, the writer has 
at his disposal an invaluable aid to conviction. Thus Vogue 
quotes the testimonial of a prominent satisfied user to 
strengthen its statement that Vogue carries more women’s 
hosiery advertising than any other magazine. 


“Onyx” Hosiery was first advertised in Vogue in 1900. Since 1916, 
“Onyx” advertising has averaged more than twelve pages a year in 
Vogue. For fifteen years we have used nothing but full-page space 
In your magazine. 





THE SALES LETTER 175 


What stronger evidence can we give you of the high regard we have 
for Vogue? 
“Onyx” Hosiery, Inc., 
R. K. Leavitt, Adv. Mer. 


Unless it is brief, the testimonial is hardly available for 
quotation in letters. Ordinarily it must be reproduced, in fac- 
simile, if possible, in the inclosure. A testimonial has greatest 
value when it appears to be unsolicited. 

3. References to satisfied clients or customers are closely 
related to testimonials. They are effective, for example, when 
a manufacturer has completed the installation of modern 
heating or generating equipment in large stores or tower 
buildings. Or again, an advertising agency announces, ‘‘What 
we've done for others we can do for you.” ‘This generaliza- 
tion is followed by a list of clients, introduced by the state- 
ment, “If you want to know about our work, watch the ad- 
vertising of the following.” 

References are especially convincing when the list of clients 
is impressive, not for its length alone, but also for its quality. 
Limitations of space in both advertisements and letters confine 
the use of testimonials to compact statements from one or two 
individuals, whereas a list of clients can be extended to eight 
or tennames. In sales letters, therefore, where considerations 
of space influence the choice of material in so many ways, 
references to satisfied users are often preferred. 

Suppose, for example, that factory walls and ceilings in 
five different industries have been covered with good results 
through the application of “barreled sunlight.’’ By use of the 
names of these five clients, a representative list of references 
is made possible even in a short letter, whereas a single testi- 
monial, however well chosen, represents the point of view of 
one manufacturer only. 

The problem is to determine whether the one or two brief 
testimonials at the disposal of the writer carry more weight, 
because of their individuality and personal tone, than the 
extended list of names proving wide distribution of the prod- 
uct. Quality is weighed against quantity. If the list has ob- 
vious quality as well as quantity, references are to be pre- 
ferred. The Kelvinator letter on page 161 is accompanied 
by testimonials and references, both printed on the inside 
pages of the folded letter sheet. 


176 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


References are most impressive when arranged in tabu- 
lated form.- Attention value is stronger if the items are dis- 
played through the use of indentations deeper than those of 
other units in the letter. Careful thought should be given to 
the layout of the paragraph containing references. 


Bad: If you want to know about our work, watch the advertising 
of the following: Bon Ami, Congoleum Rugs, Valspar Varnish, Grinnell 
Sprinklers, Wellsworth Products, McCutcheon Linens, ‘Tavannes 
Watches, Peter Schuyler Cigars, Converse Rubber Shoes, Ansco Cam- 
eras and Films, Columbia Window Shades, Tarvia, Duz, Wallace 
Silver, Havoline Oil, The Dictaphone, Barrett Roofings. .. . 


Better: Bon Ami 
Congoleum Rugs 
Valspar Varnish 

Grinnell Sprinklers 
Wellsworth Products 
‘Tavannes Watches 
Converse Rubber Shoes 
‘Ansco Cameras and Films 
Tarvia 
Duz 
Havoline Oil 


4. Trial use is one of the most convincing forms of evi- 
dence. (1) A genuine offer of free trial over a stated period 
convinces the reader that you have faith in your product. 
(2) Your offer removes all possible hesitation by eliminating 
doubt about whether the product can fully meet the prospect’s 
desires and needs. He feels that he cannot lose anything, 
because he need not commit himself to the purchase until he 
has tried the product and found it satisfactory. (3) A free 
trial offer satisfies a fundamental human craving for evidence 
supplied directly by the senses. Because of its importance in 
the psychology of the sales appeal, this last point needs further 
explanation. 

However complete the evidence presented in the text of 
the letter, certain inhibitions may nevertheless cause the reader 
to doubt your typed evidence. Although testimonials and 
references may show that others have found the product re- 
liable, he would like to make trial himself. Either the pre- 
cepts he has learned at home and in school, or the contacts he 
has established for himself, have taught him that experience 


THE SALES LETTER 177 


is the most reliable teacher. Poor human nature relies, at 
least in the practical matters of life, largely on the testimony 
of the senses. However real, therefore, the letter is in its 
appeal to the imagination, the reader may nevertheless regis- 
ter the age-old instinctive desire expressed in the words, 
‘Show me,’’ which is the common way of saying “Give me 
tangible proof.” Personal experience is, as it always has been, 
a most reassuring form of evidence. 

The sales letter is often employed to market products 
lending themselves readily to the establishment of conviction 
through direct appeal to the senses. Any doubt that may ex- 
ist in the mind of the reader can be removed by a statement 
offering trial use. 

Publishers of books have found that a ten-day free trial 
compels conviction. In the sale of electric washers, cream 
separators, and similar products, conviction can be clinched 
by allowing free use of the washer, for instance, over a period 
of two weeks or a month. The letter arouses interest to the 
point where the prospect is willing to give the washer a trial. 
The trial completes the process of conviction. The principle 
is the same as that underlying the sale of automobiles. If the 
prospect can be induced to give the car a trial by driving it 
or riding in it, the demonstration supplies the last link in the 
chain of evidence. Two of the best known higher-priced auto- 
mobiles, the Franklin and the Packard, make trial use an 
established part of their process of convincing the prospect, 
the effort in both cases being directed to persuading the pros- 
pect to drive the car himself. This method supplies direct 
evidence through actual experience. 

The following closing paragraphs of a sales letter are de- 
signed to persuade the prospect to ride in the latest model of 
Franklin car: 


The Franklin owner, with this latest car, will have something which 
is not obtainable in any other automobile. He will have all those 
qualities of comfort, reliability, easy handling, safety, and economy, 
which have been Franklin superiorities for years. 


_ Now they are coupled with high power. 


You may think you have appreciated Franklin qualities before, but 
when you drive the new model you will readjust your entire idea of 
Franklin performance. 


178 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Tell your dealer when it will be convenient for you to drive the 
car. 

Yours very truly, 

The Franklin Automobile Company 

S. E. Ackerman 

Sales Manager 


Samples and tests, although in reality forms of trial use, 
are treated separately for clearness. 

5. The sample method of convincing is now used with a 
large variety of products. It has always been a natural 
auxiliary of toilet preparations, such as soaps, tooth paste, 
perfume, hair tonics, shaving cream, and facial cream. An 
analysis of sales literature reveals that samples assist also 
in sales of textiles, paper, paint, razor blades, paper towels, 
food products (coffee, Postum, breakfast foods), and milk 
chocolate. Even outside the range of small articles, the offer 
of samples, free or at nominal cost, has been used to clinch 
conviction. Trial packages are used by manufacturers of wall 
plaster, enamel, paint, and varnish. Miniature specimens of 
Beaver Board show the composition and appearance of the 
board. Swatches attached to sales letters provide tangible 
evidence of the quality of leather used in the shoes the letter 
aims to sell. 

The psychology underlying the sample method demands 
quick action on the part of the manufacturer. The effect of 
the sample is strong in proportion to the promptness of its 
arrival. If it is tardy, the interest of the inquirer wanes. De- 
lay dampens interest. To perform the function assigned to it 
in the sales campaign, the sample must arrive while the pros- 
pect’s interest is still fresh. A printed folder or sheet of in- 
structions should always accompany the sample. 

6. Tests are of two kinds. (1) The manufacturer sub- 
jects his product to severe laboratory or road tests. (2) The 
consumer is asked to make the test himself. 

T’o convince housekeepers and laundrymen, the soap manu- 
facturer subjects woolen goods, or dainty fabrics, to severe 
tests. Manufacturers of vacuum cleaners conduct experi- 
ments to prove that their sweepers do not injure oriental rugs. 
Carefully supervised speed and endurance tests are well known 
from their employment in the automotive and tire industries. 


THE SALES LETTER 179 


The methods employed in such tests, together with the re- 
sults achieved, are fully and accurately explained. ‘This ma- 
terial is best presented by means of illustrated inclosures. 

Unprejudiced outside experts are often engaged to con- 
duct elaborate experiments involving competitive products. 
A professor at the Massachusetts Institute of ‘Technology in 
this way tested the durability of hotel linens in a series of 
severe laundry tests. Not long ago a professor in the same 
institution reported on his investigations concerning the harm- 
fulness of coffee. His report was widely advertised by coffee 
associations. The Franklin Automobile Company has for 
many years had authoritative reports from a professor of 
standing at Yale University, who tests the air-cooled motor 
by the standards of scientific research. Reports from experts 
of unquestioned standing indicate that the test is genuine. The 
prospect has faith in the experimenter and the experiment. 

There are several well-known instances of having the pros- 
pect make the test himself. Paper manufacturers send samples 
of their various grades of paper. The recipient is asked to 
tear off a strip from the paper he is now using, and then to 
tear a strip from the sample. He can thus assure himself 
of the superiority of the seller’s paper. A distributor of tooth 
paste sends litmus paper so that the recipient can easily deter- 
mine whether he has acid mouth, which the specific tooth paste 
eliminates. 

Perhaps the most widely advertised test is that of Val- 
spar. he user is told that he can pour boiling water on the 
Valsparred dining table without injury to the finish. A pic- 
ture always accompanies the explanation of the test. A man 
is pouring boiling water from a teakettle onto the dining table 
while his wife looks on. 

Vague statements are never convincing. Even generaliza- 
tions, always useful when followed by specific statements, are 
colorless when they stand alone. The following generaliza- 
tion is not persuasive: 


Our latest model of open car climbs steep hills faster than any other 
Car in its price class. 


In concrete form this statement carries conviction: 
The Jewel touring car, Model 10 G, on Saturday, October 15, 1924, 


in competition with four other touring cars, each of a different make 


180 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


(the names of which will be supplied by any Jewel dealer) and under 
the supervision of men well known in the automobile industry (whose 
names will be supplied on request), from a standing start climbed the 
Fort Washington Avenue Hill in New York City two seconds faster 
than the nearest competing touring car. 


7. Guaranties offer legitimate means of establishing con- 
fidence. Conviction is strengthened by the seller’s guaranty 
of the purity, durability, and efficiency of the product. Mail- 
order houses base their selling appeal flatly on satisfaction 
guaranteed or money refunded. Wherever used, the guaranty 
is reassuring. It makes the reader feel he is not taking a risk. 
The confidence of the maker in his product convinces pros- 
pects that they can make no mistake in placing their orders. 
The Goodyear Rubber Company, for example, gives a flat 
guaranty that the Wingfoot rubber heel will outwear any 
other rubber heel: a new one free if it does not. 

The language of the guaranty should show restraint. Ex- 
travagant statements arouse suspicion. It is, of course, ob- 
vious that the buyer can have little confidence in the guaranty 
if the standing of the firm making the guaranty is not known 
and respected. 

Visualized evidence.—Abstract ideas phrased in colorless 
statements lack vitality. They do not suggest pictures. Color- 
less abstractions are never convincing because they cannot stir 
the life-giving imagination. ‘To make an impression, the 
writer must visualize his message and vividly bring it forward 
in graphic form. He must use concrete statements capable 
of bringing a picture to the mind’s eye. 

One effective way is to dramatize the message. In the 
following concrete example, the appeal to the imagination is 
unmistakable. ‘The writer visualizes the situation. The ma- 
terial is presented in direct discourse, which makes the evidence 
personal and, therefore, vital. The language is not striking, 
but the images are clear and convincing. ‘The reader can pic- 
ture the action and scenery. The abstract example, on the 
other hand, offers nothing tangible on which to base images. 


Abstract: 
Dear Sir: 


Successful men of affairs own and drive the Ford. They do so because 
they use judgment in making investments. 


THE SALES LETTER 181 


When they buy an automobile, they look upon the purchase as an 
investment. ‘They apply the same tests they are accustomed to use in 
other more important financial transactions. 


It is surprising to know that a very large percentage of American bank- 
ers use the Ford. Most bankers have made their money through care- 
fully considered investments. They know that the Ford offers more 
value dollar for dollar than any other car. 


They realize also that the initial investment in a Ford is small. They 
are farsighted enough to know that the resale value at the end of one 
year is greater in proportion than in any other car they could buy. 


Yours truly, 


Concrete: 
Dear Sir: 


At a meeting of bankers at the Missouri Athletic Club in St. Louis, 
there was only one bank president who did not own a Ford car. 


He asked the others, ‘“‘Why do you men ride around in Ford cars when 
you can afford the best?” 


One answer was, “I made my money through good investments and 
careful management, and there is more value dollar for dollar in a Ford 
than in any other car made.” 


Another answer was, ‘My investment in the first place is very small. 
I can afford to let my car stand on the street exposed to the weather, 
can park it in a small space, and at the end of the year trade it in and 
get greater value in proportion than with any other car I ever owned.” 


We offer you the best investment in the automotive world. Our show 
rooms are attractively arranged for your comfort. You are under no 
obligation to buy. 
Come in and see us. 

Sincerely yours, 


The Englewood Auto Company 
per M. A. Masters 


Reference to inclosures.—References to inclosures in the 
form of booklets, catalogues, folders, and the like, must be 
made with care and forethought. The tie-up between the let- 
ter and the inclosure is not properly established by means of 
the trite as per inclosure, or the mechanical as in the inclosed 
folder. Neither is the vague See the inclosed booklet sufh- 
cient. Such references are ineffective because they assume that 
the reader is already interested in the inclosure. 


182 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


S. D. WARREN COMPANY 
Manufacturers of Warren’s Standard Printing Papers 


rox Mixx Street, Boston, Mass. 


x 


November 12, 1924 


Mr. Stuart Me Stanley, 
Oral Hygiene, 

Flatiron Building, 

New York City. 


My dear Mr. Stanley; 


Back again at our desk, after tho highly inspire, 
ing Pittsburgh Convention of the D.M.A.Ae, wo are immedie 
ately checking up on requests for advortising material 
and sampleea. 


Your name appears requesting copics of -= 
Illustrated Letters. These are being sent to you by 
parcel post today. May they serve to indicate a few 
possibilities for the application of Illustrated Lettere 
as applied to building your own business. 


Warren's Standard printing Papers are 
handled in New York through: 


Henry Lindenmeyr & Sons, 32 Bleecker Ste 
Lasher & Lathrop, Inc., 29 Lafayette Ste 
Alling & Cory Company, 313 W. 37th. Ste 


They will be glad to furnish you with blank 
dummies, sample sheets or any similar service 
you may desire. 


Please feel that we cheerfully welcome this 
opportunity <= or any opportunity at any timo = 
to help you further in your direct mail 

efforts. 


Cordially yours, 


Elmer S. Lipsett, 
Adv. Dept. 





Style Study VI.—Inside address in block form. 


Indented and blocked paragraphs. Lines single-spaced; paragraphs 
double-spaced. Integral (patented Dual-use) inclosurg. The cover of the 
booklet is part of the letter sheet. Note indented display of jobbers’ names 
and addresses. 


Inclosures are used with the specific object of creating 
desire or establishing conviction, or both. The material of 
the inclosure amplifies the necessarily limited explanation of 
the letter. Whereas the average sales letter contains about 


THE SALES LETTER 183 


two hundred words, the inclosure may contain not less than 
one thousand or fifteen hundred words, together with illus- 
trations, diagrams, tables, and other aids to visualization. 
Even if all or most of this text material could be put into a 
processed letter of several pages, it would not be attractive. 
The letter cannot make use of typographical aids such as bold- 
_ face and lightface type, nor can it utilize the color effects pos- 
_ sible in illustrations, borders, and head and tail pieces. 

References to inclosures should be vital and stimulating. 
They must interest the reader in the folder and create a desire 
to read it. Commonplace references fail to interest, with the 
result that the inclosure is unread. Reference to inclosures 
should be made as helpful as possible for the reader. Specific 
mention, by page or section number, is always desirable. If 
this plan is followed, skillful phrasing arouses the reader’s 
curiosity. If he is directed to a specific page, he has a definite 
objective. If the inclosure holds his interest at the vital point 
indicated, he will more than likely read what precedes and 
follows. 


Vague: Kindly consult the catalogue we are sending you, and you 
will find what you want. (This is delightfully easy for the writer, but 
fatally hard for the reader.) 

Vivid and stimulating: Skis for your young son are illustrated and 
described on page 15 of the inclosed booklet. There you will find skis 
especially designed and made for boys. “These skis are made from the 
best quality of selected quarter-sawed yellow pine. Observe the fine yet 
durable finish, and the fancy stripes. Children like these stripes. (This 
reference gives consideration to the specific interest of the reader. He is 
not put off with the inconsiderate you will find what you want.) 


This is not the place to discuss the proper way of writing 
effective booklets, folders, and the like; but from what has 
been observed in the foregoing paragraphs, it is plain that the 
inclosure must be so compellingly written as to hold and sus- 
tain the reader’s interest. ‘The function of the letter refer- 
ence is to stimulate desire to read the folder. ‘The letters on 
pages 151, 164, 191, 196, 199, 206 contain effective refer- 
ences to inclosures. 

What has been explained with regard to the inclosure as an 
independent unit, applies also to explanatory matter and illus- 
trations printed in a four-page folder. When such a folder 


184 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


is used, the letter sheet contains not merely a personal letter 
but also what is equivalent to advertising matter. Skillful 
articulation by means of reference is essential here also. ‘The 
Warren Paper Company advocates this form of inclosure in 
the way illustrated on page 185. 

4. The effective ending: stimulating action—The sales 
letter attracts attention, creates desire, and establishes convic- 
tion for the purpose of stimulating action. The close is thus 
the most important part of the sales appeal. If the closing 
statements fail to stimulate action, the reader is not sold. A 
weak close fails to get the response or the order, according to 
the purpose of the letter. The writer’s painstaking care with 
the action-getting close is rewarded by the increased number 
of favorable responses the letter brings in. 

At the close of the third step in the ‘sales approach the 
buying impulse is at the peak. The function of the closing 
sentences is to guide this buying impulse into action. It is 
especially important that there should be no break between 
conviction and action—the circuit of the favorable reaction 
must not be interrupted. ‘The stimulus to action should grow 
naturally out of the preceding material. 

If the close is to convert desire and conviction into favor- 
able action, the clincher must be definite and positive. It must 
be phrased so as to overcome the inborn tendency of man to 
postpone action. Procrastination is the thief of orders. Psy- 
chology has revealed the natural tendency of man to hesitate 
before committing himself to buying. ‘This hesitancy signifies 
man’s instinctive reluctance to part with his money, pxceRs on 
definite assurance of full value received. 

The close can be made to clinch the sale in a anhtaoe 
percentage of the total appeals if the following principles 
are observed: 


1. ‘here must be inducement to immediate action. 

2. Action should be made easy. 

3. The urge must be positive. 

4. The tone of the urge must be adapted to the reader’s 
tastes and temperament. 


Offer inducements.——There should be inducements to 
action. Action can be hastened if the inducement-urge is 


THE SALES LETTER 185 





Style Study VII.—Four-page illustrated letters—several styles and folds. 
Integral inclosure. 


Regular letterhead and letter on first page. Ample space for pictures 
and type matter for detailed explanation on the two inside pages. Back 
page occasionally used for order blank or return coupon. Letters on this 
page printed on Warren’s Silkote and Warren’s Cameo. 


strongly presented. If you can awaken the reader’s fear to 
delay, you have a powerful incentive to action. Show him 
that the present offer is limited (1) by setting a date for the 
close of the selling period; (2) by indicating an increase in 
price after a specified date; (3) by calling his attention to 
limited facilities or supply, which will be exhausted before a 
specified date. 


186 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


(1) Setting a date for the close of the selling period.— 


This offer expires on December 1. If you are not prepared to order 
at once on the inclosed order blank, send me the inclosed post card 
and I shall reserve a set for you for ten days. You realize why I am 
urging you to make an immediate decision. 


(2) Indicating an increase in price after a specified 
date.— 


After December 24 these pianos will be sold positively at the standard 
price of $850. You cannot afford to wait. At the present price of 
$700 you are saving $150. Buy now. 

Yours truly, 


(3) Calling attention to limited facilities and supply.— 
When 50,000 sets of these great books have been sold at $9.98 a set, 


our contract requires us to begin paying editors and authors their 
royalties—then the price of these identical sets will advance to our 
regular retail price. 


Another device for stimulating action is the offer of a pre- 
mium for a prompt response. Thus, an additional book or a 
set of books may be offered free on condition that the order 
is received before a stated date. A glass bookcase is offered 
if the encyclopedia is ordered within a specified time. A dis- 
count from the established price is allowed if the encyclopedia 
is purchased before a set date. 


When this sale began, we had on hand 27,000 sets. We now have less 
than 7,000 sets left. ‘These are sure to be sold before December 1. 
Remember, if you order now, you receive the glass bookcase, and the 
inclosed coupon reduces the price $2. Do not delay to avail yourself 
of this last opportunity to own this popular edition. 

Yours truly, 


Make action easy—The natural inclination to postpone 
action is strengthened when the letter does not make the re- 
sponse easy. Consideration for the reader’s comfort demands 
(1) that the close of the letter give specific directions; (2) 
that the action demanded be simplified; and (3) that the 
amount of effort be reduced to a minimum. 

The reader should know precisely what is necessary to 
complete the order. If a coupon is used, the required items 
should not only be clearly indicated but also reduced in num- 


| THE SALES LETTER 187 


_ber to bare essentials. The less the effort required, the more 
likely will the reader be to respond. Cumbersome order 
blanks and coupons should be avoided. Some letters simplify 
action to the point where nothing more than the reader’s 
signature at the bottom of the letter sheet is required. If the 
margin of profit warrants, a stamped and addressed envelope 
is inclosed. Such simplification has great action value because 
the reader is relieved of considerable effort. It has been 
observed that no less than seven steps are required if a letter 
response is necessary. ‘he letter must be dictated or written, 
but most people do not like to write letters. The letter must 
be signed and inclosed in an envelope, which must be ad- 
dressed, sealed, stamped, and mailed. Most of these steps 
can be saved and the way made easy for a response. 
Example of simplification in a letter to busy executives: 


Simply sign your name and tell your stenographer to mail the coupon. 


Example of a good close when a sample is offered: 


Put one ten cent piece and one nickel into the inclosed coin card, fill in 
your name and address, and mail the card today. 


The positive urge.—The positive urge is usually made in 
one of two forms. It appears as (1) a suggestion, or (2) 
a direct command. 

The positive urge is especially effective where the letter 
has successfully awakened desire and established conviction. 
The reason is that it is almost second nature to obey an im- 
pulse when a positive request is made to do so. Parents, 
teachers, employers, and indeed traffic policemen, have made 
obedience easy for most mortals. The writer of sales letters 
capitalizes this derived instinct by adapting the command to 
the tastes and temperament of his prospects. Even prospects 
who possess culture and intelligence will respond readily if the 
request is properly keyed. The reader who might take offense 
at a direct command may yet be moved to favorable action if 
the phrasing of the positive urge is softened or made strongly 
suggestive in the form of a question. ‘To determine upon an 
appropriate form for the closing sentence, carefully study the 
habits and social level of the readers on the mailing list. For 
example, women of culture and persons belonging to one of 
the professional classes respond most readily to the sugges- 


188 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


tive close, especially when it is good-natured and dignified. 
The writer of the following half-ironical action getter has 
shrewdly gauged the type of prospect likely to read a literary 
magazine like The Saturday Review, ‘“‘Henry Seidel Canby, 
pilot; Kit Morley, Master of the Bowling Green.” 


For one brief moment—bless the mark—be efficient, mail the coupon, 
mail it today—mail it to the right address. ‘The rest is, not silence, 
but Morley and his fellow seamen. Send this coupon on a voyage of 
discovery today. 

Suggestion in the form of a question: Why not mail the coupon today 
and let us send you a sample? 

Suggestion: We shall be glad to send you a copy of this valuable book, 
without charge or obligation on your part, if you will sign and mail the 
inclosed stamped and addressed card. 

Polite suggestion: I am inclosing a stamped return card for you to say 
when I may come—with the understanding of course that my call places 
you under no obligation. 

Command: Step in next time you are near our store. 

Please mail the inclosed card today. 
Fill out the inclosed order blank and mail it today. 


The divided urge-—The purpose of the sales letter is to 
sell. The letter as a whole is constructed with the aim of 
persuading the reader to act. To get action, it must close 
with a positive urge suggesting one specific action. The pros- 
pect cannot be moved unless he is confronted by a single, 
definite urge that completes the series of favorable reactions 
stimulated by the preceding steps in the sales appeal. 

The close, therefore, must never allow the reader choice of 
two or more actions. ‘To offer a choice is to make him pause. 
As the time he devotes to the reading of a sales letter is 
always severely limited, hesitation is fatal to immediate action. 
The facts are that the reader who is unable to choose between 
alternative offers will inevitably postpone action, with the re- 
sult that he never responds because time is the enemy of sales- 
letter responses. The carefully designed letter leads the 
reader from the attention-compelling opening sentence to the 
action-compelling closing sentence that urges one and only 
one action. 


Weak: If you mail the inclosed card, our agent will call; or if you 


prefer, we shall gladly send you any information you wish. Should you 


THE SALES LETTER 189 


pass our showrooms at 17 Atlantic Avenue, just step in and examine the 
Princess Motor Boat at your leisure. 


Such an ineffective close is the result of poor letter plan- 
ning. The writer did not plan so as to focus his material on 
a significant close. Before he begins to collect his letter data, 
the writer must know precisely what action he wishes the 
reader to take. Relevant facts, ideas, and thoughts are then 
collected and grouped so as to concentrate every effort on per- 
suading the reader to make a single definite response. The 
foregoing close is weak because the writer has not focused his 
letter. What was the letter designed to elicit? A request for 
a catalogue, folder, or advertising material? Permission for 
a salesman’s call? Or did the writer plan to induce the pros- 
pect to visit the sales rooms? In a single letter he can hope 
to realize only one of these objectives. Therefore, his letter 
should close with one of the following urges: 


1. The inclosed card, properly filled out and mailed, will bring you 
one of our fully illustrated and informative catalogues. 

2. By filling out and mailing the inclosed card, you indicate your 
desire to have one of our agents explain the “‘Princess V” motor boat 
to you at yourhome. Our agent is not a salesman, but a trained expert 
who will answer your questions. Therefore avail yourself of this oppor- 
tunity by mailing the inclosed card today. 

3. We invite you to visit our sales rooms at 17 Atlantic Avenue, 
where you will find a complete line of motor boats on display, among 
them the “Princess V.” 


Position of the urge.—The stimulus to action completes 
the body of the letter. The complimentary close follows im- 
mediately. 

The inverted urge.—Material inserted between the 
clincher and the complimentary close obscures and weakens 
the urge. The clincher cannot clinch unless it leads without 
interruption to the desired action. ‘[he writer, therefore, 
should guard against using the inverted urge. 


Inverted: Merely by dropping the attached card into the mail box, 
you bring to your store a free trial order of fifty pounds of Perfection 
sugar. Let Perfection prove to you what it can do. 

Better: To bring to your store a free trial offer of fifty pounds of 
Perfection brand sugar, sign the attached card, now. Mail it today. 


= 


190 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Inverted: Drop in the next time you are downtown and look them 
over. Our line is complete in all sizes and styles, and they are fitted by 
expert shoe specialists. 

Better: We carry, at all times, a complete line of all sizes and styles 
of shoes, which are fitted by expert shoe specialists. Step into our store 
next time you are in our neighborhood. 


Vital phrasings—Conventional, time-worn phrases lack 
vitality to stimulate action. On the other hand, novel or 
“clever”? endings are too often cheapening in effect. Clever 
endings, moreover, weaken the urge by calling attention to 
themselves instead of to the desired action. ‘The result is 
that the reader is conscious of the words at the moment he 
should be moved by the message. You can word the ending 
in an original way without striving for oddity.—Observe that 
the vital ending is always compact. 


Command: Tell your dealer when it will be convenient for you to 
drive the car. 

Suggestion: Your dealer will be glad to have you inform him when 
it will be convenient for you to drive the car. 

Suggestion: Your check by an early mail will help win the battle. 
(Campaign for funds.) 

Hackneyed command: Send your check by return mail. 

Vague: Remember we are ready to help you. | 

Vague and vulgar: For both our sakes we hope you'll come across. 

Vague: If you want to know more, return the post card. 

Cheap: Get busy with that order blank, now. 

Not specific: You can have genuine Mohler pencils for the price of 
the ordinary kind. May we prove this? 

Specific but ambiguous: Permit us to prove this by filling out and 
mailing the inclosed card. 

Better: Permit us to prove this. Fill out and mail the inclosed card. 


A single sales letter.—The four functions of the complete 
sales appeal are incorporated effectively in the following let- 
ast 
Dear Sir: 

Three A.M. of a winter’s morning! And your feet like ice! 

How often have you taken your hot water bag to bed with you, only 
to wake up in the middle of the night and find it has cooled off at the 
time you need it most? ‘To reheat it means groping into the dark 


kitchen to get hot water. That is too much trouble; so you lie in the 
dark and suffer. 


THE SALES LETTER 191 


Many a cold night you have lost sleep and wondered the while why 
someone didn’t invent a hot water bottle without water. 


The Comfort Hot Bottle satisfies your needs. It is encased in a durable 
aluminum container and filled with “comfort crystals.” The inclosed 
booklet pictures and fully describes this wonderful new chemical prepara~ 
tion, which has been perfected by the chemists of the Universal Drug 
Company after years of research. 


The Comfort Hot Bottle is not a novelty. It has been widely used in 


New England and Canada for three years. We have hundreds of 
letters from satisfied and delighted users. 


The Comfort Hot Bottle lives up to its name for comfort and heat. 
You use it when you go to bed, and you can use it again if you wake up 
cold—without leaving your bed. 


Before you immerse the bottle in hot water, the comfort crystals are in 
crystal form, but the heating turns them into liquid, which keeps the 
bottle comfortably hot for several hours. ‘To reheat the bottle, all you 
do is to remove the stopper, so as to allow cold air to draw into the air 
chamber. The liquid cannot spill, because it is in a sealed container. 
The cold air, which changes the liquid back to crystals, reheats the 
bottle. 


The Comfort Hot Bottle is guaranteed to give satisfaction indefinitely. 
A hot bottle reheated by cold air is what you have been looking for, 


especially at the low cost of $4.50. 


Mail the inclosed card with your check or money order for $4.50 and 
we shall send you the Comfort Hot Bottle at once. 

We guarantee satisfaction or refund your money immediately upon 
return of the bottle at our expense. But you will not part with the 
bottle at any price, once you have used it. 


Be comfortable. Send your order now. 


Yours truly, 


Analysis of this letter shows that the theory of the com- 
plete sales approach in a single letter is attractively applied. 
The opening paragraph is gripping. Itis concrete. It drama- 
tizes the situation attractively. It is appropriate. It ties up 
with the reader’s interests. 

The second paragraph stresses the opening thought. It 
is personal. Its homely, practical appeal is expressed vividly. 

The third paragraph leads from the attention-getter to 
the fourth paragraph, which creates desire. Desire is, to be 


192 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


sure, already awakened by the second paragraph, but the 
fourth paragraph definitely creates desire by showing how 
the Comfort Hot Bottle specifically meets the need explained 
in the opening paragraphs. 

The fifth paragraph creates more desire by showing how 
the bottle really satisfies people in need of a hot bottle. This 
paragraph at the same time begins to establish conviction. 

The appeal to convenience in the sixth paragraph intensi- 
fies desire, but at the same time prepares the way for the 
longer seventh paragraph, which definitely brings forward de- 
tails to convince the reader by reassuring him on the service 
offered by the hot bottle. 

The eighth paragraph convinces him that he can make 
no mistake in purchasing this bottle. The ninth paragraph, 
with its price appeal, shows him that he can afford to buy the 
bottle. 

The closing paragraphs, the tenth and the eleventh, stimu- 


late action. The reader is again reassured regarding the ab- 


solute guaranty of satisfaction or promise to refund his money. 
Action is made easy. The reader is told just what todo. The 
letter closes with the urge to act at once. 


Analysis makes clear, furthermore, that the four functions | 


do not appear separately as clearly marked units. To be 
sure, every good sales letter begins by capturing attention; 
and it closes by stimulating action. Between these two ex- 
tremes, however, freedom is allowed the skillful writer in the 
organization of ideas. ‘The indispensable requirement is that 
the sentences flow without interruption. Whatever the order 
of ideas, the appeal is effective when successive stimuli lure the 
reader from sentence to sentence, compelling him to read, ab- 
sorbing his attention, and sustaining his interest to the point 
where interest is converted into favorable action. In a good 
letter, then, attention shades into desire, desire into conviction, 
and conviction, in turn, is converted into action without per- 
ceptible interruption of the flow of ideas. 


Problems in Sales Letter Writing. 


Note.—The succeeding exercises, based on actual business 
letters and problems, are intended to facilitate oral and writ- 


THE SALES LETTER 193 


ten discussion, and to test the student’s ability to write effec- 
tive single sales letters. 


I. Exercises for Oral and Written Discussion. 


1. Determine whether the following excerpt is from an 
advertisement or a sales letter: 


Vitrified Brick Pavements Outlast the Bonds. 

The gamble in buying a brick pavement is never “Will it last?” but 
only “How long will it last ?” 

Napoleon laid brick pavements in Holland, and there are brick 
pavements in use there today which are more than one hundred years old. 

The United States has scores of brick pavements that are more than 
thirty years old. Some of these should give half a century of service, in 
spite of modern traffic, before the original brick is replaced. 

Can you name a pavement in your vicinity, other than brick, which 
at a comparable cost has given you even twenty years of service? 

Paving bonds pay for paving, but taxes pay for paving bonds. See 
to it that your community buys paving wisely. See to it that your 
community buys vitrified brick, the pavement that outlasts the bonds. 


Does the opening challenge attention? Does the word 
“oamble” weaken the second paragraph? Can you state the 
closing thought without verbal jugglery ? 

2. Criticize the following attention-getters. Point out 
specifically what you approve and what you disapprove. Do 
not approve an opening unless it incorporates the “you atti- 
tude.”’ 


(1) We desire to call your attention to the bonds of the Westwood 
Apartment Company. 

(2) Do you feel like twenty or sixty ?—(Selling shoes. ) 

(3) If I offered you twenty-five dollars a week, would you accept 
it? (Say, can a fish swim?)—(Save money by purchasing in quantities. ) 

(4) May we send you, on approval, the October issue of our busi- 
ness journal, the “Harvard Business Review” ? 

(5) Do you buy bonds?—(Suppose the prospect does not?) 

(6) The inclosed circular features an issue of Reliable First Mort- 
gage Bonds, which have an unusually large margin of security. 

(7) Through Mr. Wilbur I was informed today that we have just 
purchased a new first mortgage bond issue of exceptional merit, which 
will be offered to the general public shortly. 

(8) Almost every investor in Central European securities has lost 
money. A change for the better has arrived. 


194 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


(9) Don’t pass up this offer—it’s your opportunity to waterproof 
and preserve your roofs this fall at a minimum cost. 

(10) If there is any way in which I can serve you in fitting out 
your home, I shall be more than pleased to do so, and at prices far 
below those of any other store in Boon County. 

(11) For three days, beginning Monday, December 29 (when your 
boys are at home for the holidays), we offer our regular patrons first 
choice in our Annual Advance Clearance Sale of boys’ wool and wash 
clothing. 

(12) I suppose you are aware that I have opened a Men’s Shop right 
here in our own little Palisade. 

(13) It might interest you to figure this out—How much is it cost- 
ing you by the month to keep your present car? 

(14) The Holiday season is here. Everything points to the greatest 
wave of buying that the country has ever known. Christmas-fund checks 
will not be re-deposited in the banks this year. People will enjoy the 
comforts of life again. 

We want you to spend your Christmas fund here this year. (Dealer 
letter to customers. ‘The letter sells furniture.) 

(15) Possibly you will spend the summer in Europe. Your plans 
may be fully formed or, perhaps, you have been thinking about the trip 
but have not attended to the details. If the latter is true, then permit 
me to invite you to call at this office and consult with our travel experts. 
(American Express letter to people going to Europe ) 

(16) That you may fully appreciate information given out in our 
circulars at the time when we offer new issues to the public, and the 
correctness of the statements made in such circulars, we take the 
privilege of giving you some information regarding the Aldine Court 
Apartment Building, southwest corner of Thirty-second Street and 
Grand Avenue, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, being the security for $180,000 
first mortgage real estate gold bonds, bearing interest at 614%, which 
bonds we offered to our clients on or about November 1, 1922. A 
picture of the security covered by this bond issue is herewith inclosed. 


3. Find the central selling appeal in each of the following 
letters. State the appeal in a compact sentence. Write the 
sentence. 


(1) 

Gentlemen: 

Did you ever set up a map of the United States and mark, in bold 
figures, the number of dentists within the various State outlines? 

If you did, you would mark down 2,500 for California, 800 for 
Nebraska, and 7,100 for New York, with other States accordingly. 





THE SALES LETTER 195 


Then, following this, have you ever wanted to talk to all the dentists, 
in every State, by the use of one medium? If you have, “Oral Hygiene” 
answers your want. For “Oral Hygiene’ has a circulation of 55,000. 


“Oral Hygiene” covers the entire United States. It reaches every prac. 
| ticing dentist whose name can be secured. 


| Your advertisement in “Oral Hygiene” will enter the office of prac- 
_ tically every prospect for your dental supplies and dental equipment, in 
all States of the country. On the first of each month, the postman will 
deliver your sales message to dentists who are making money, and who 
have money to purchase dental products. 


This complete ores coverage of “Oral Hygiene,” used twelve times a 
year, gives the manufacturer twelve opportunities to sell his goods or 
his ideas to the entire dental profession. Combined with good advertis- 
ing copy, such coverage results in sales. 
May “Oral Hygiene” carry your sales message during the next twelve 
months? 

Very truly yours, 


(2) 

Dear Sir: 

It would be a great thing for us to service the cars of all our owners in 
New York—a wonderful thing. 

But it is a much greater thing to deserve it—to do business in such a 
way that our owners would come to us because Willys-Overland, Inc. 
cares for their interests. 

To give values and render such service that we will always keep a 
customer, is our constant aim. 

This is done by placing your interests above everything else—by serving 
you so perfectly that you will be permanently satisfied to bring your car 
here. 

Won’t you come in, and give us a chance to prove our service? 


Cordially yours, 


4. Which of the following letter paragraphs contains the 
most effective description? Which the least effective? Pre- 
cisely why? 


Whether you fish for muscallonge among the beautiful Thousand 
Islands in the St. Lawrence River, or for bass and bluefish in the open 
sea, you need an “‘Eaglewing” to take you to where the “big fellows” 
are biting. Imagine yourself ‘outward bound,’ with the wind and 


196 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


spray in your face, plunging through long swells with the “smother” 
whipping over the bows. You can start out on any one of these fine 
mornings in your own “Eaglewing.” 


“Eaglewing” is the Princess of motor boats, built with the approved 
“V’’ bottom, especially designed for speed. You will find detailed 
specifications in the inclosed circular. 


Observe that ‘“Eaglewing” is made in two sizes, with proper motor 
equipment for each size. The powerful engine is a four-cycle, four- 
cylinder, valve-in-head “Brooks.” It is the latest design in marine 
engineering. For economy, ease in starting, and dependability over a 
long period of use, it is unsurpassed. 


“Faglewing” is comfortable as well. Notice on page seven of the 
circular, the wicker chairs, the cushions, with the unmistakable sugges- 
tion of comfort. How you would enjoy cruising in a boat like that. 
You will find electric running-lights, a self-starter, and many other 
devices for safety and comfort. 


The succeeding paragraphs are from the inclosure de- 
scribing part of the reading course outlined for purchasers 
of the twenty-volume ‘“‘Outline of Knowledge,” which is a set 
of books sold through the mails. 


After reading a chapter on the formation and rise of the Greek Empire, 
we detour into the studio of some famous Athenian sculptor whose work 
stands to this day without a rival. “Then we visit the hut where Socrates 
lived, and hear that great, philosopher utter those beautiful thoughts 
which moved the oracle at Delphi to say, “O Socrates, of all men in 
Athens thou art the wisest.” 


Now we visit the Senate at Athens and hear Demosthenes deliver his 
‘“Philippic Orations.”’ A%schylus recites his first tragedies at the great 
theater of Dionysius. “Then our guide discourses to us in another chap- 
ter on Greek government, and takes us to the battlefront with King 


Philip of Macedonia. 


Even the legends of Homer are no more thrilling than the true adven- 
tures of the great soldier, Alexander the Great, whom we accompany to 
the battlefields on which at the age of thirty-two he conquered the great- 
est states in the ancient civilized world. ; 


A description of the Strand Reénforced Toboggan: 


The Strand Reénforced Toboggan is made of birch, finished in natural 
wocd with one coat of shellac and one coat of varnish on top. ‘The 
middle and two side slats are thicker than the other four. This arrange- 
ment adds greatly to the strength of the toboggan. As it decreases the — 


THE SALES LETTER 197 


running surface on an iced slide, it will increase the speed and also make 
it a great deal easier to steer in the snow. ‘The Strand Reénforced 
Toboggan has a long, graceful bend in front, which enables it to take a 
bump without a jar and also makes it easy running in deep snow. Each 
toboggan is supplied with a heavy rope, with leather loops. The tobog- 
gan comes in lengths of from 4 to 12 feet. 


(4) I want to acquaint you with these York State apples. I want 
you to enjoy the tang and flavor of these fine, luscious gifts of nature— 
quality, perfect fruit, and so different from the usual store variety. You 
have to bite into these apples to appreciate how distinctly different they 
are. 

With the help of Uncle Sam, I deliver these treats direct from my 
orchard to your door—at a great saving to you. 


Read more about my special offers on the inside pages of this letter. 


The apples come to you fresh as the dew—the spicy McIntosh, the 
snappy Northern Spy. 


5. Add to the list of instincts discussed in this chapter. 
Read the article on “Instincts” in the encyclopedia, or use the 
index in a book on psychology. (1) Make a list of articles 
that can be sold by an appeal to these instincts. (2) For each 
article find the central selling point. (3) Explain how this 
appeals to the instinct. Use the paragraphs on page 165 as 
a model. 

6. To illustrate the five kinds of evidence used to create 
conviction, clip advertisements of articles suitable for direct- 
by-mail selling. In each case explain how your choice illus- 
trates the point. Bring the advertisements to class. 

7. Find an advertisement using ‘physical description effec- 
tively. Find one using emotional description. Explain your 
choice by specific reference to words and phrases as well as to 
the organization of the descriptive details. Bring the adver- 
tisements to class. 

8. Find advertisements containing examples of substan- 
tiated facts, testimonials, references, tests, samples, trial uses. 
Bring the advertisements to class. Be ready to explain your 
choice. 

- g. Does the confidence-inspiring Packard slogan, Ask the 
man who owns one, generalize the testimonial appeal or the 
reference appeal? 


198 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


10. Criticize the following endings. Rewrite where neces- 
sary. 


(1) We should be pleased to have your son enroll for one of the courses 
taught in our school. 

(2) We shall be pleased if you can find books on our lists which are 
suitable for your requirements. 

(3) May we have your reply on the back of this letter? 

(4) Just sign your name in the margin of this letter. 

(5) Any authorized Mondayjoy dealer will bring a Mondayjoy Washer 
right to your home. Wash with it. Then if it doesn’t sell itself, don’t 
keep it. Remember, there’s no obligation. Just use the telephone. 

(6) Get full information now about this easy-payment plan. Ask for 
the free booklet, giving many simple and efficient ways of using fuel. 
Write today and have the “Efficiency Coal Regulator” installed 


tomorrow. 


11. Reorganize the following ending: 


Telephone or write your reservations to the United States Lines. 

Make your bookings now for the first voyage in 1925 of the superb 
Leviathan, the largest ship in the world. Excellent accommodations 
are still available, but to insure your choice it is advisable to act at once, 
as the demand is unusually heavy. Your expectations of luxury, service, 
and cuisine will be fulfilled on this ship. 


12. Write an action-clinching close for the Owens tooth 
brush material on pages 169, 170. 

13. Discuss the comparative merits of the following trial 
forms of an urge to be used in a letter soliciting funds for the 
erection of a new church building. 


(1) As soon as the inclosed card is returned to us, it will be substantial 
evidence of your friendship and interest in our church. 

(2) The inclosed card, promptly returned to us, will be substantial 
evidence of your friendship and interest in our church. 

(3) By returning the inclosed card promptly, you will give us sub- 
stantial evidence of your friendship and interest in our church. 

(4) You can give us substantial evidence of your friendship and interest 
in our church by returning the inclosed card promptly. 


14. Analyze the letters reproduced below to determine 
how effectively the writer has observed the four functions of 
the sales approach in the single sales letter. 


| 


] 


| 
} 


THE SALES LETTER 199 
(1) 


| Dear Sir: 


Can you get your freshmen to think? 


If you can, their writing will take care of itself. You will be interested 


in what Christopher Morley says about this on the first page of the 
inclosed circular. 


Those who have used “Sentences and Thinking”’ in its original edition 


_know that the book was successful in getting students to see the reason 


behind the rules of writing, to think, and to express their thoughts 
logically. 

The revised and enlarged edition of “Sentences and Thinking” not only 
does this, but in addition provides a complete handbook of revision. “The 
space given to discipline in revision has been practically doubled. The 
aim has been to make this section of the text comprehensive, complete, 
and adequate to the needs of every student. 


The inclosed circular tells you all about this. On the inner pages you 
will find also a reproduction of the new Revision Chart, specimen pages 
from the book, and an outline of its contents. 


If, after looking through the circular, you wish for further information 
concerning this new edition, we shall be glad to hear from you. Please 
do not hesitate to fill out the order blank if you care for an examination 
copy of the book. 

Yours very truly, 


(2) 
Dear Sir: 
Can we not interest you in our Comfort Hot Bottle? 


Thousands of druggists have tried and are trying this non-leakable and 
practically unbreakable bottle. 


Let us prove to you the value of this bottle. We are certain you will 
have a ready market for the Comfort Hot Bottle. 


Important: A discount of 30% will be given from the list price for 
orders in quantities of one dozen or more. 


Yours truly, 


(3) 


wear Sir: 


The road builder 
fortifies himself against the hazards of cheaply constructed highways 
if he uses Truscon Wire Mesh as a road reénforcement. 


200 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Truscon Wire Mesh used as a base for concrete prolongs the life of the 
road at least 25%. It is economical to handle and easy to lay, and is 
furnished in practically any width and area desired. 

Truscon Contraction Joints allow for expansion and contraction of 
pavement, forming a straight regular crack which is a guide mark down 
the center of the pavement. The use of Contraction Joints with Truscon 
Wire Mesh results in an economical road which stands up under heaviest 
traffic. 


Write us for a copy of ‘““Modern Road Construction.” It is brimful of 
facts and helpful details. 


Sincerely yours, 


Would the opening be more gripping with the “if” clause 
beginning the sentence? Why not? Notice the effective repe- 
tition. Would you rearrange the close? Why? 


(4) 

Dear Sir: 

Have you ever given thought to the advantages and conveniences to be 
gained by the possession of an Underwood Portable Typewriter? 

The Underwood Portable machine is a non-folding typewriter and em- 
bodies all the sterling qualities of the parent machine, but has in addition 
the valuable feature of real portability, weighing, together with the 
case, only 8% lbs. 

I am sending herewith descriptive literature. If you will kindly fill in 
and return the inclosed postcard the writer will be pleased to call any 
time suitable to your convenience and demonstrate to you the 
Underwood Portable Typewriter. 


Thanking you, I am, 
Yours very truly, 


Point out all faults in expression. Is the breathless second 
paragraph effective? or would three sentences be better? 
Make an outline for a letter to take the place of this one. Add 
material if you need to, but certainly change the order of 
thoughts used by the writer. Write the letter. 


(5) 
My dear Dr. Babthorne: 


President Butler has taken his hat off to the editors of the “Columbia 
Alumni News.” In fact, he said recently, had he had two hats he would 
have taken both off to the Christmas number. 


THE SALES LETTER 201 


He believes the “News” is one of the biggest factors in winning good 
will for the University. It gives the Alumni, the people of New York 
and of the entire country and abroad, the best information as to the 
ideals of service and as to the magnitude of the work Columbia is doing. 


The “Alumni News” will bring all this to you, once a week, during the 
college year. Every bit of what it contains is of interest to you. 

I want to let the Alumni know that all the members of the Faculty 
subscribe to the ‘“‘News.”’ 


We have taken the privilege of entering your name on the list of sub- 
scribers and are sending you a blank, asking you kindly to return it at 
your earliest opportunity, and to make out your check for three dollars, 
payable to the “Columbia Alumni News.” 


Faithfully yours, 


(6) 
Dear Sir: 


As a progressive poultry-raiser you can learn from the inclosed folder 
how to raise every chick worth raising. 


The Raise-All Incubators and Brooders are neither advertised in publi- 
cations nor sold through dealers. ‘There are two reasons why you can 
get your incubator and brooder from us at such a low price. First, we 
sell direct to the customer. Second, we are the largest manufacturers 
of incubators and brooders in the country. 

In the folder you will see that the Raise-All Brooder is easily cleaned 
and that it is equipped with a large special improved oil burner so 
designed as to radiate the heat scientifically. Experts at agricultural 
colleges have approved this design. 

With the Raise-All Incubator and Brooder you can be successful with 
the least possible effort. 


Our iron-clad guaranty of satisfaction or money back has stood the test 
of twenty-eight years of selling to thousands of poultry raisers. If, after 
thorough examination, you decide that the Raise-All is not in every 
respect satisfactory to you, send it back at our expense. You will not 
send it back. In fact, you will not part with it at any price. 

We know that you will be delighted with the Raise-All Incubator and 
Brooder. 

We have the machines ready and they will be on their way to you 
within twenty-four hours after we receive your order. 


Use the inclosed order blank. 
Yours truly, 


202 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 

(7) 

Dear Friend: 

Have you ever heard of a watch that keeps running forever? 
Sochard Swiss watches do. 

You just wind them. Sochard does the rest. 


Sochard Swiss watches are made from parts imported direct from 
Switzerland. These are assembled and placed by Sochard, the Swiss 
watch expert, in cases to suit every pocketbook, whether you have $15 
or $50, or much more, to invest. 


Wouldn’t you like to give her a wonderful gift like this for Christmas? 


And with every watch goes the guaranty that for the life of the watch it 
will be kept running under the conditions stated on the inclosed 
warranty slip. 


Come over to Maiden Lane (Number 1) and see the large and excellent 
display of fine Sochard Swiss watches in cases of unique and most 
attractive design. 


The diagram on this letter sheet tells you exactly how to step from the 
Cortlandt Street Subway Station to Sochard. 


Yours very truly, 


15. What kind of evidence is used in the following letters 
to convince the reader? 


(1) 
Dear Sir: 


A little letter such as this on Warren’s Cameo is a welcome visitor in 
any home. 


It is not noisy. It does not clash with the quietest home atmosphere. 
Yet, because of its dignified restraint, it will always be read attentively. 


It does its selling quietly and unobtrusively, yet effectively. 


If your product is sold to women, we respectfully suggest that you con- 
sider this type of illustrated letter carefully. 


It is printed through silk from typewriter type. 
Warren’s Cameo is the paper used. 


Yours very truly, 


The S. D. Warren Company. 






| THE SALES LETTER 203 
| (2) 

| Dear Sir: 

The question of how to approximate the appearance of typewriter type 
in a large edition of four-page letters is sometimes disturbing. 

| For this reason, the method used in printing this page may be interesting. 


First this page was set in typewriter type. A clean proof was taken 
in black on white paper. From this proof, the engraver made a line 
-negative. He then stripped a 150-screen halftone negative over the 
face of the letters in the line negative. A plate was etched on copper. 
The printing was done from an electro of this plate. 
It is our belief that the letter closely approximates the appearance of 
the ribbon effect of the typewriter. 
Yours very truly, 


The 8. D. Warren Company. 


(3) 

Dear Sir: 

If you place your palm on a plate of Yawman and Erbe Fire-Wall Steel 
lying over a gas flame, 

Why doesn’t the flame burn your hand ? 

“Asbestos” is the answer. 


A single plate of steel would grow red-hot in a few seconds; but it 
takes heat a long time to penetrate two walls of steel with asbestos 
and air space between. 

That’s the secret of the greater protection of “Y and E” Fire-Wall 
Steel Files—the only steel files built with two walls of steel plus two 
layers of asbestos on all sides of your papers. 

“Y and E” Fire-Wall Steel Files are offered for all kinds and sizes of 
records. 


Without obligating you in any way, a “Y and E” representative will be 
glad to demonstrate the extra fire resistance of this file. 


Send the inclosed card today. 
Yours truly, 


The attention-getter in the foregoing letter represents a 
combination of what two types? Would a period be more 
effective than the semicoln after ‘“‘seconds” in the fourth para- 


graph? Why? Is the purpose to make the sale? 


204 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


it) 
Dear Mr. Branigan: | 
Autumn has slipped past and you have not started advertising with us. 


We are producing results each month in “Oral Hygiene” for such firms 
as: The Dentinol & Pyorrhicide Company, Colgate, Lehn and Fink, 
Prophylactic Brush Company, Lavoris Chemical Company, Zonite 
Products Company, Rubberset Company, Dental Products Company, 
McKesson & Robbins, and E. R. Squibbs and Son. ‘There are others 
too. 

Such a list should, I think, be considered conclusive proof that Oral 
Hygiene can produce results for the Pyrodento Company. 

Why not give us a chance? Every one of these firms hesitated at. one 
time and questioned our ability to produce results for them. Now they 
repeat their contracts each year, and we invariably prove that the 
50,000 dentists who read Oral Hygiene are responsive to the advertising 
in its pages. 

I sent you a page of advertising copy in September. ‘That should produce 
returns. 

With slight modifications to suit the season, you can use that in the 
January issue. Or we shall be glad to prepare several pages imme- 
diately, for your consideration, to be used in the January and following 
issues. 

Act now for increased sales through Oral Hygiene. 


Very truly yours, 


How can you improve the display of the second paragraph 
in the foregoing letter? 

16. Which of these two letters is the more convincing? 
Why? In your criticism, consider compactness, concreteness, 
and construction. 


(1) 
Gentlemen: 


The ever-increasing, nation-wide acceptance of The Noiseless Type- 
writer is more than the recognition usually accorded a good product. 


It is the triumph of a great idea—an idea that means better working 
conditions and more satisfactory output for everyone in an office. 


Let us give you a short explanation of the “Why and How” of the 
Noiseless. 


VITE SALES LETTER 205 


1. Why The Noiseless Typewriter is the only inherently quiet 
typewriter. 

2. Why it is the fastest stock machine built. 

3. Why it has the lightest touch of any typewriter. 

4. How it makes clean carbons and produces accurately aligned 
work. 

5. How its construction makes it so unusually durable. 

6. Why we claim it to be the most economical typewriter built. 


A glance at the inside of the folder will convince you. 


Sincerely yours, 


The Noiseless Typewriter Company, 253 Broadway, New 
York, used a four-page folder letter, illustrated, on the front 
page of which the foregoing letter appeared. Criticize the 
reference to inclosure. 


(2) 

Gentlemen: 

With The Noiseless Typewriter there is no need to place your stenog: 
raphers in a distant part of the office, with loss of time coming and going 
to take dictation. “They can write speedily near by. They will not 
disturb. 

‘The Noiseless not only brings you quiet, but it also represents improve. 
ments in every phase of typewriter service. It is the fastest stock type- 
writer made. It has the lightest, most elastic touch of any typewriter. 


It can be operated with the least fatigue. 


It produces neat, even, and accurately aligned work. ‘The elimination 
of the hammer blow method of writing reduces wear and tear on the 
machine. ‘There is less time lost because of repairs. “The metal platen 
never requires replacement. 

Let us demonstrate its golden quiet and pleasing operation in your office. 
There will be no obligation. The card is inclosed for your convenience. 


Sincerely yours, 


17. The succeeding letters offer material for a study of 
tone quality in sales letters. Each has a character distinctly 
its own, according to the tone level adopted by the writer. 
Find the tone level in each letter. Is it characterized by sim- 
plicity, redundancy, inflation, directness, matter of fact, for- 
mality, informality, humor, and the like? Is it extravagant, 
dignified, cheap, vulgar, snappy, colloquial, neighborly, folksy, 


206 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


boastful, vivid, colorless, playful? Include in this exercise any 
of the preceding letters you wish, but do not omit the Warren 
letters in Exercise 15. 


(1) From the Frank E. Davis Fish Company, Gloucester, Mass. 
Dear Sir: 


If you were “among those present” when I told my “fish story” at the 
Pittsburgh Convention of the Direct Mail Advertising Association, 
perhaps you heard enough about fish to last you the rest of your natural 
life. Since I’ve been back “‘on the job,” however, so many of the Con- 
ventionites have written me asking for more “fish news” that I made up 
my mind to write to all of you—hence this message. 


There are no two ways about it—if you do like good fish, the kind 
that makes your mouth water the moment it comes to the table, you can 
and ought to get it “direct from the fishing boats” as we supply it. 


Imagine, for example, a nicely browned mackerel set before you, its 
tempting aroma suggesting its appetizing deliciousness—or a crisp, 
dainty lobster salad—or some real codfish cakes made in the old- 
fashioned way from honest-to-goodness codfish—aren’t these real treats 
for winter days? Yet they are just hints of the many good things you 
can enjoy as often as you wish, and without tiresome shopping on 
your part. 

Just look over the inclosed folder. It tells its own story. It’s like 
“moving the ocean to your doorstep.”’ Everything in the folder is guar- 
anteed to please. Select what you want and I'll send it on approval. 
If you don’t like it, it costs nothing. How’s that for fairness? 

Truly, I’m anxious to have you a Davis customer, and if you’ll send 
your order directly to me on the inclosed card, I'll take care of it 
myself just as though you were here watching me. What do you say? 
Are you “with me or agin me’? 

If you'd like to see some of my “direct mail stuff’ just say so when you 
order, and I’ll send some. This may be “bait,” but as Patrick Henry 
said, “If it is, make the most of it.” 


Yours very truly, 


When the writer establishes contact, does he at the same 
time strike the keynote of the letter? Does the urge sound 
in harmony with the attention-getter? What type of atten- 
tion-getter is used? What kind of description is used? Ef- 
fectively ? 


THE SALES LETTER 207 


(2) From the publishers of the International Encyclopedia. 

_ Dear Sir: 

_ At the recent convention of the Direct Mail Advertising Association 

which you and I attended, John Howie Wright said: “Anything that 

can be sold, can be sold by mail.” His remarks, and those of the other 

_ fine speakers at the convention, so inspired me that I said: “I'll try out 
some of this direct mail stuff on these good folks themselves and see 

whether it will work.’ So here goes. 





You ought to be a satisfied possessor of ‘“The New International En- 
cyclopedia.” Its purchase will be one of the best investments you ever 
made., (That’s a perfectly safe statement to make.) It is a standard 
reference work, made in America for Americans. ‘The present edition 
was published in 1916, gone over again in 1922, and now brought right 
up to date by the addition of a two-volume Supplement just issued, 
which is described in the accompanying circular. 


In an encyclopedia, you want completeness, authoritativeness, easy avail- 
ability, attractive presentation, and late information. “The New Inter- 
national Encyclopedia meets all these requirements and gives you much 
more besides. But you have too much to do during office hours to read 
a long letter and I am going to ask you to take home the inclosed 
literature. Please do that for your own benefit and look over the 
material tonight (or, tomorrow night, if you have to go to the lodge or 
something like that tonight). 

To make this a 100% sales letter, I must end it with some of the “you 
stuff,” as Mr. Ashby called it at the convention. Well, all I can say is 
that if YOU will show enough interest in The New International 
Encyclopedia to fill out and return the inclosed post card, YOU will 
have taken a step in the right direction. For if YOU should place a set 
of the Encyclopedia in your home, YOU will never regret having done 
so, especially if there are children there. 


Here’s hoping, 


Is the tone as well sustained as in the previous letter? Is 
the urge properly placed? or would you rearrange the sentence 
order? 


(3) Addressed to bankers by the National Association of Finance 
Companies. 
Gentlemen: 


There is a growing tendency to depart from safe practice in the financ- 
ing of automobiles, which if unchecked is very apt to break down all 


208 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


of the safeguards that have made such an exceptional record in this line 
of business. 


In some states passenger cars are being financed with a down-payment of 
25% or less, the balance payable in from sixteen to twenty-four months. 
Bankers are alive to the danger of this situation and have taken definite 
steps toward correcting it, as shown by the inclosed pamphlet. We are 
strongly in accord with the views expressed therein. 


We believe, with them, that on passenger cars a down-payment of at 
least 33% of the cash or 30% of the time selling price should be re- 
quired, with a maximum of twelve equal monthly payments for the 
balance. 


The success of this movement depends largely upon the support of the 
bankers. For the sake of the industry as a whole, we strongly urge you 
to impress the saneness of these views upon your customers who are 
Finance Companies, Dealers, or Bonding Companies who guarantee 
automobile paper. 


You will find in the pamphlet a form of questionnaire worked out 
between committees of Finance Companies and Bankers, which will help 
you in passing upon the credit of your customers in this line. 


Respectfully submitted, 
(4) 
Dear Sir: 


You have gone into a business venture to make profits. Good luck te 
you. 


Your records must show you at all times how your business is progressing. 


We propose to open such books for you, audit them monthly, and render 
you periodical reports on the results of your financial operations. 


With records of past performances, you can safely plan future activities. 
The only cost of this assistance to you is $15.00 the month. 
Can you afford to do without this help at such small expense? 
Yours for good records, 
(5) 
Gentlemen: 
Here’s just what you’ve wanted for a long time— 
A perfected “cushion” type tire for your truck that 


(1) cushions the load over the roadbed, protects motor and truck from 
the pounding jolts and racking vibrations that run up the maintenance 
costs. ‘This tire makes it easy to get and hold good drivers, 


THE SALES LETTER 209 


(2) gives the greatest traction ever developed in a truck tire, gets a 
road hold on any surface, reduces slippage and danger of skidding to the 
final minimum. 


(3) gives exceptionally long and satisfactory service because of the 
super-resilient tread compound. 


We've got these new U.S. “cushions” ready for you, and the equipment 
to put them on quickly and keep your trucks going. 


"Phone us for prices. Let us show you what these “cushions” will 
save you. 
Yours truly, 


(6) 

Paging Mister J. B. Knox: 

I see by the list on my desk this morning that unless you act at once, 
you will miss what is perhaps the most valuable issue of Hotel Manage- 
ment we have ever published. 


Don’t let this happen. It is too easy to let a matter of this kind slip by. 
You are a busy man, but if you will OK your initials in the space below, 
Hotel Management will continue to come to you without interruption. 
To miss any number of Hotel Management now is to risk missing an 
idea or plan that may mean hundreds of dollars to you. 


A stroke of the pen—today—insures your not missing a single one of 
these plans. Tear off and mail this card at once—for insurance. It’s 
all stamped and addressed. 


Sincerely yours, 


(7) Subject: Automobile Loans. 
Dear Sir: 


Whenever you need Ready Cash come around and see us. We will 
give it to you without any red tape or publicity. 

It’s acinch. All you have to do is to tell us your name, address, amount 
you wish. After we get this information, you come in the following 
day for your money, which will be waiting for you. 

We advance loans from $200 to $2000 to owners of pleasure and 
commercial cars, and the best part of it is that the car remains in your 
possession, and you pay the loan back on the monthly payment plan. 


If you ever get in a pinch come up to see us, bring your bill of sale, 
insurance policy, and owner’s license, and we will take care of the rest. 


Sincerely yours, 


210 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


(8) From a Dye Works. 
Dear Sir: 


The next time you send us your suit or overcoat to be cleaned and 
repaired, please examine it when it is returned to you. You will find 
that all the little details have been carefully attended to: the fabric 
fresh and clean throughout, including pockets and trouser-cuffs; pressing 
that will stay pressed; the necessary mending neatly done. If you don’t 
find this to be true, we want to know it. 


Of course we’ve been told many times that our cleaning and repairing 
service on men’s clothes is excellent, so we’ve come to believe it. 


But we don’t like to pat ourselves on the back and sing our own praises 
all the time. It isn’t good for anyone, nor does it sound well. 


You be the judge and decide whether we give a mother’s care to men’s 
wear. You are welcome at all times to visit our plant. 


Check us up. We'll appreciate it. 
Truly yours, 


(9) 
Dear Sir: 


You have undoubtedly heard of the almost fabulous profits made by 
purchasers in Florida real estate. Most of these were made in and 
around Miami, the fastest-growing city in the United States. 


By reading the inclosed folder you will learn some of the wonderful 
possibilities of Florida, and especially Miami’s newest suburban de- 
velopment, where you can safely buy now. 


Suppose you were guaranteed by a New York Trust Company at the 
time you purchase your property against loss of your principal? (What 
does this sentence mean?) 

Suppose you were guaranteed by a New York Trust Company the 


return of your purchase money in full at the time you complete your 
contract of purchase? (Meaning?) 


Suppose there were many other unique features, such as Endowment, 
financing to build, insurance? 


Suppose these suppositions were correct, would you be interested enough 
to inquire for further particulars? 


We shall be glad to send you a booklet describing this wonderful plan 
in detail, if you will sign and return the inclosed card. 


Very truly yours, 


THE SALES LETTER 211 
(10) 


Gentlemen: 
“Brevity is the soul of wit” and good business. 


Briefly: We want your ENVELOPE business, and lay claim to it 
because: 


(1) Our supplies are selected by experts. Our plant is the most modern 
and our men take pride in their workmanship. We produce the best 
quality. 


(2) As advertisers, we know the importance of speed and economy. 
We make it unnecessary to waste a minute’s time. A telephone call or 
a postage stamp reminds us of your order. We give excellent service. 


(3) We purchase raw materials in the largest possible quantities neces- 
sary to obtain lowest prices. We are manufacturers and sell direct to 
the consumer. We sell at lowest prices. 


We want you as a permanent customer and shall not accept your order 
unless our service entitles us to another. 


Yours truly, 
(11) 
Dear Publisher: 
You have heard say that there is no letter like a brief letter. 
We should like to sell you a book. 
Sell what? The American Newspaper Annual and Directory. 


Sell why? Because it serves you year after year in a most important 
way without cost to you. 


Sell when? Right now, when the 1925 edition is right out of the oven. 
Here is a card ready to sign. 
We have a book ready to ship. 
How about giving us the word “Go”? 
Very truly yours, 
(12) 
Dear Sir: 


For most of us it is impossible to read all the books we should like to, 
or should read. Many of us have mental lists of titles which we hope 
‘to reach some day. We usually, however, see this list grow larger and 
larger. Few ever have the time to catch up with it. 


The New York Times Book Review publishes each week reviews and 
news of all the important new books. From its columns you may decide 


ale MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


what books to read now, and gain a conversational knowledge of many 
other books which you may never succeed in reading. 


The subscription price is $1.00 a year—less than two cents a week. 


We suggest you fill in the inclosed order form now, so that you may 
begin taking advantage of this service. 


Yours very truly, 


Analyze also the first letter in the next exercise. 

18. The three following letters illustrate the type of sales 
letter employed to interest desirable prospects in the organiza- 
tion represented by the writer. 

Study these letters thoroughly to determine how the writer 
has incorporated the four functions of the sales approach, and 
how he has observed the seven essential qualities of business 
writing. 


(1) 
Dear Sir: 


The Committee on Organization invites you to join a representative 
group of University men in subscribing to the stock of the Hamilton 
National Bank, not to exceed ten units, as outlined in the inclosed 
subscription blank. 


A limited amount has been reserved for this group in accordance with 
the Committee’s belief in the basic strength of a bank whose stock is 
broadly held, giving wider connections and greater business. 

It is furthermore believed that the investment is one of a type to com- 
mend itself to those who appreciate the value of having on the Board 
of Directors a member of the Columbia university faculty and of having 
as holders of the stock officers prominent in the University. 


A cordial invitation is extended to you to visit the bank’s attractive 
quarters and to meet the officers. 


Very truly yours, 
(2) 
Dear Mr. Winstanley: 


The good news has come to me that you attended the Pittsburgh Con- 
vention of the Direct Mail Advertising Association. 


If I am correct in this you no doubt saw that this Association is earnestly 
working for the development of better business methods and particularly 
of direct mail advertising which enters so largely into the sale and 
distribution of goods. 


THE SALES LETTER Zio 


The honor of serving as chief executive of this Association for the coming 
year was conferred on me at the Pittsburgh Convention. One of the 
first steps I want to take is to invite you to join this Association which 
is composed of buyers and producers of direct mail advertising and is 
constantly working for the betterment of direct mail advertising. 


You will find it exceptionally profitable to be a member this year 
because every week until the program of the Pittsburgh convention is 
complete we shall publish in our bulletin one of the addresses and the 
complete discussion that followed. Perhaps you had a part in these 
discussions. If so, it should be all the more interesting to you. ‘This 
will be the only publication of these talks and discussions. 


In addition to the foregoing feature, our bulletin contains new thoughts, 
ideas, and developments relating to direct mail advertising. Our head- 
quarters at Detroit contains a library of reference data, including ma- 
terial showing how direct mail advertising has been successfully used to 
serve practically every type of business. When you are a member, this 
service will be at your beck and call. Just read the back of the inclosed 
application form and you will see how the D.M.A.A. can help you. 


If you can make an investment of twenty-five dollars covering our Class 
B membership, you and your firm will benefit very materially. 

Will you not make it possible for me to recognize you as a member of 
the D.M.A.A.? A prompt answer will be appreciated. 


Cordially yours, 
President. 


(3) 

Dear Sir: 

It has been suggested to me that because of the similarity of your inter- 
ests with those of the City Club you might welcome an invitation to 
become a member. 

The activities of our club are varied. ‘The extensive lecture program 
which we carry on, covering questions of economic, social, and govern- 
mental interest; the work carried on by our civic committees, touching 
the field of the Common Council, the County Board, the School Board, 
and other boards and commissions; our restaurant and the social features 
of our club are activities, some or all of which correspond to your 
natural inclinations. 


These are more fully explained in the inclosed folder. 
I am extending to you an invitation to become a member of the club. 


Very truly yours, 
President. 


214 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Can you improve the long sentence in the second para- 
graph of the last letter? 
(4) Study also Letter 5 in Exercise 14. 


II. Problems in Writing Single Sales Letters. 


1. Assume that you are president of a student society in 
your college or school. It may be an advertising club, writers’ 
club for business and literary composition, a scientific organi- 
zation, dramatic club, or social organization. 

Write a letter to likely prospects, pointing out the advan- 
tages to be had by becoming a member. Make the letter an 
invitation, but sell your club to the reader. 

2. Assume that you are business manager of your college 
or school paper or magazine. Write a persuasive letter urging 
students to become subscribers. 

3. Using one of the advertisements you clipped for Exer- 
cises 6, 7, and 8, on page 197, write a sales letter performing 
the four functions of the sales appeal. Include a concise and 
concrete description of what the letter is to sell. 

4. Assume that you are advertising manager of a men’s 
retail furnishing store patronized by a high class of customer. 
In order to stimulate sales, you have planned to write a letter 
to your customers. Your purpose is to induce them to come 
to your store to make seasonal purchases like light-weight 
summer suits (such as Palm Beach or pongee’suits), shirts, 
silk hose, hats, collars. 

Write the letter. Avoid the announcement style. Use 
vital, suggestive words. Be careful not to scatter the interest 
of the reader. Determine upon the central selling point be- 
fore you begin to write. 

5. You have been engaged to write a letter selling the 
Graystone Moviegraph. 

(1) Assume that your unsolicited letter will be mailed on 
December 10 to boys, but that the final decision concerning 
the purchase of this machine rests with the boy’s parents. 
(2) ‘The company relies on this letter to make the sale, not 
to stimulate inquiries. (3) Use an inclosure. (4) You may 
use the following points as the basis of your appeal. 


THE SALES LETTER 215 


(1) The Graystone Moviegraph is safe for the home because non- 
inflammable safety films are used. (2) Every live boy should have at 
home a Graystone Moviegraph that shows pictures exactly like those in 
the better class of family movie theatres. (3) Powerful French lenses 
are built in. (4) The electric cord can be connected to any socket. 
In homes without electricity the cord can be attached to dry cell 
batteries. (5) Sturdy and simple construction prevents trouble. Nothing 
can get out of order. ‘There are no complicated parts. (6) Size of the 
machine all set up is 15 inches by 9 inches and the weight is three 
pounds. (7) Send money order or check. (8) The machine is guar- 
anteed to give good, clear, large pictures or your money back. Refer- 
ence: United Trust Company, Boston, Massachusetts. (9) Order your 
machine today in time for Christmas. (10) Price of the machine and 
three reels is $6.95 complete, prepaid and carefully packed. (11) The 
following reels are only a few of the many in the film catalogue 
furnished with the machine. “They are as large as films used in the 
theater and are posed by genuine actors. Only clean films are sent out. 
Films are educational, but lively and full of action. ‘There are humor- 
ous films too. Good clean fun. 


6. You have been engaged by the owner of a high-class 
tailoring shop near the campus to write a sales letter to stu- 
dents in your college or school to have their spring suits made 
at his shop. Write the letter. The letter will contain a style 
sheet, which also shows samples of the latest fabrics. In place 
of description of the goods, rely chiefly on interesting the stu- 
dent sufficiently to make him study the style sheet. 

7. Write a one-page sales letter to heads of manufacturing 
establishments, using as a basis for your material the Worth- 
ington pump advertisement on page 128. The object of the 
sales letter is the same as that of the advertisement, to stimu- 
late inquiries. 

8. As a sales correspondent in the Anchor Post Iron 
Works, you have been asked to write an inquiry-producing 
letter on the Anchor Armored Chain Link Fence. The letter 
will be sent to a list of plant managers and plant executives. 

Your company has offices in all large cities. The letter is 
sent out from each of these offices. ‘The object is to get the 
executive to ask for an interview with the local representa- 
tive. 

Prepare the complete mailing. 

You may use the following data: 


216 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


A fence the sneak-thief and night-prowler cannot break through. 
Unclimbable. ‘Topped by an ugly row of sharp steel barbs. Anchored 
posts of steel. Fabric of heavy, woven No. 6 steel wire. Unfailing 
barrier for protecting plant and yard materials. Keeps tramps from 
building fires near buildings. Armored Fences built to last. All parts 
covered by an unbroken, rust-resisting armor of zinc: posts, anchors, 
arms, and fabric. ‘The fabric is rust-resisting coppersteel, galvanized 
after weaving, as a double safeguard against corrosion. Posts are drive 
anchored. 


9. Prepare a sales letter to a selected list of wealthy pros- 
pects, basing your message on the following advertisement. 
Are you going to use inclosures ? 


A palatial Florida home for sale. Mr. John D. Rockefeller, Sr., 
Mr. John D. Rockefeller, Jr.. Mr. James Gamble, of Procter and 
Gamble, and many other multi-millionaires and millionaires, abundantly 
able to select the best locations in the world, have their winter homes 
in the Halifax country (which is the Daytona-Daytona Beach-Seabreeze- 
Ormond section). The largest and most palatial home in all this 
region, situated on the Halifax River, with four acres of ground, is 
offered for sale. ‘The owner died before the house was occupied. It is, 
therefore, brand new, perfect in every detail, superbly built of seasoned 
timber and lumber from Maine. Beautiful grounds and a glorious river 
view. It is preéminently a home for a family of wealth. For sale at a 
bargain to close the estate. All property in this section is rapidly 
advancing in value. Invest now. Benjamin Haskell, Real Estate, 
Daytona Beach, Florida. 


10. Write a one-page letter selling the demonstration of 
the Packard automobile to prospects listed by local Packard 
agencies. The letter is prepared at the Packard factory, 
where it is also typed, dated, and made ready for mailing by 
the local agencies in various cities. ‘The letter will be signed 
and mailed by the local agency manager, on the date indicated 
by the factory. The letter is mailed under the local postage 
cancelling for its community effect on the prospect. 

You may use the following Packard advertisement as a 
source of material for the letter: 


I tell you it would puzzle a man who has been in the automobile 
business twenty years to pick a car from the advertisements today. 

Now, just for instance, you can get “a new and joyous thrill in 
motoring” for less than fifteen hundred dollars; but if you want a “new 


THE SALES LETTER 217 


and glorious zest in motoring” it will cost you almost three thousand 
dollars more. ‘The question is, Is it. worth it? 

Or you can find in the average automobile section a dozen ads, each 
of which comes right out flat-footed and says that there was never 
before such a tremendous value offered at any price. | 

When you come to the inclosed stuff, it surely has you guessing. It 
starts out by calling them “magnificent equipages,” and works up from 
that. 

Writers even advertise “luxurious appointments.” It seems to me 
that something ought to be done about this. 

It makes it fearfully hard to write advertisements. You see, all we 
are really after is to ask people to ride in the Packard Single Six and 
drive it themselves on a trip long enough so that they can really size up 
the new car. 

When people take that sort of ride in the Single Six, they usually 
buy one, because there are a lot of likable things about the car. 

But it doesn’t sound exciting at all when you write that kind of an 
ad and put it alongside of the rest of the bunch. 

There’s a whole lot of people who would gladly pay $2690 for a 
Packard Single Six if they just knew how good the car is. The Packard 
itself can tell them just how it stacks up with other cars they have 
driven. 

If we tried to tell you, we wouldn’t know how to go about it. We 
wouldn’t want to say less than the other boys have said in their ads 
around the edge of this one. It wouldn’t do us any good to say the 
same thing—and we don’t know how to say any more than they have 
said. 

All we can do is hope you’ll come in and let the Packard tell you its 
own story in its own way. 


CHAPTER VII 
APPEALS TO SPECIAL CLASSES 


To be genuinely personal, the sales appeal should be 
adapted as closely as possible to the immediate habits, tastes, 
desires, needs, and interests of those who read the letter. 
Thus, for example, letters to women differ in tone, language, 
and talking points from letters to farmers. Both differ from 
appeals to bankers, and these in turn are markedly different 
from letters to salesmen and dealers. 

Adjustment of substance, structure, and language to the 
needs and interests of various classes can be made successfully 
if the writer is personally acquainted with individuals within 
each class. In these days of classified mailing lists, the sales 
appeal can be made so congenial to the individual prospect as 
to increase perceptibly the total of favorable responses. 

The Britannica letter, for example, which is printed below, 
represents a highly specialized form of class appeal. The 
loyalty of the group to a well-known and respected university 
is capitalized in a dignified opening which assures attention. 
The newsy contents about alma mater stimulate interest. The 
“reference” nature of the material on the number of copies of 
Britannica used by the institution and the faculty members 
carries weight and helps to establish conviction unobtrusively 
but effectively. The highly special nature of this appeal be- 
comes evident when this letter is compared, for tone and care- 
fully adapted class material, with the Britannica follow-up 
letter. 


Dear Sir: 
Dr. Charles W. Eliot recently wrote us: 


“T bought two copies of the New Edition of the Encyclopedia 
Britannica for the benefit of my two sets of grandchildren. I find 
them altogether admirable; and my grandchildren, who are at the 
most inquisitive ages, are of the same opinion. You have rendered 
a great public service.” 

218 


APPEALS TO SPECIAL CLASSES 219 


An examination of the last Harvard catalogue discloses that one hun- 
dred and thirty-one members of the faculty, including eighty-three of 
| the rank of professor, have purchased sets of the Encyclopedia Britannica 
'—not to speak of one or more copies in every department of the Uni- 
versity—a record unequaled by any other institution of learning in the 


world. 


An entirely new idea has just revolutionized the manufacture of the 
Britannica, making it possible for us to sell the work in a New Form, 
printed in large type from the original plates, at a saving of 46%. 


As a Harvard man, would you not like us to send you the beautiful 
56-page booklet we have prepared, giving all particulars regarding this 
New Form? 


We should like to send you a copy if you would mail us the inclosed 
card already stamped and addressed. 


Very truly yours, 
Encyclopedia Britannica 
(signed ) 

President 


The following letter is the second in a campaign series 
mailed to anyone who responded to the Britannica newspaper 


advertisement. 
New York, October 18, 1924. 


Dear Friend: 


It has just occurred to me that when I wrote to you before about the 
Britannica in the New Form I did not, perhaps, make clear two points 
which should be borne in mind if you are seriously contemplating get- 
ting a set of the Britannica, as I believe you are. 


These two points are: (1) the present splendid opportunity is merely 
temporary. It can last only as long as there are sets on hand. And 
(2) there are thousands of people of moderate means, more even than 
I had imagined, who have always wanted to own the Britannica, but 
have been deterred by the price. This is their first and greatest chance 
of getting the large type Britannica at a big saving (nearly one-half, 
as you know) ; many have already seized it; not many of this immense 
waiting public will let it slip by. And this means a continuous and 
heavy demand on our stock. 

The idea of the New Form has created a world-wide sensation. Peo- 


ple from all over hail it as a record achievement. Mr. Charles M, 
Schwab, the steel magnate, for example, writes to me, 


220 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


“The publication of the Encyclopedia Britannica in the ‘New 
Form’ at such a low price is something much more important than 
any purely commercial undertaking. It is bringing the most impor- 
tant and authoritative work of its kind in the world within reach 
of those ambitious people who need it most.” 


The high reputation which the Britannica in its New Form has estab- 
lished in a few short weeks is amply proved by its sales; in this country, 
and in Europe, India and Australia, over thirty thousand people have 
already written to us about it, and more than 250 people a day are 
buying sets. 


You will be interested to know that the advantages of the New Form 
which have contributed most to its success are: 


first—The beautifully large and clear type, printed from the 
original Cambridge plates. 


second—The remarkable saving over the Cambridge Issue, a sav- 
ing of no less than 46%. 


third—The especially attractive appearance of the books, and the 
firm opaque paper, very thin, yet durable and easy to turn over. 


fourth—The handsome free bookcase in gleaming mahogany tones. 


fifth—The fact that the New Form is the latest edition, complete 
and unabridged. 


I would like you to read the enclosed booklet, written by some of the 
foremost men of our day. It will, I think, give you a new and fresh 
appreciation of the Britannica as something more than a set of books, 
and reveal it to you as a complete library which in itself covers every 
subject of human interest—a library indispensable to the ambitious man 
or woman, and an absolute necessity in every home where there are 
growing children. 


This little booklet will help you to decide whether you really intend to 
get a set of the Britannica. ‘There isn’t over-much time to think about 
it, as you see. You will have to make your mind up fairly quickly. 
And if you decide that you really do want a set, my best advice to you, 
as one of our early inquirers, is to take the very first opportunity you 
have of placing your order. 


The facts are simply these—there are now only 7,500 sets left for the 
United States and long before Christmas, I am sure, every single one 
will be gone. I should be very sorry indeed if you were to be dis- 
appointed. 

Yours faithfully, 

Wm. J. Cox 
DQY President. 






APPEALS TO SPECIAL CLASSES 221 


| 

| Letters to women.—The appeal to women in the home is 
based on woman’s characteristic needs and instincts. Among 
the many that could be mentioned, four appeals dominate: 
(1) Strongest is the instinct of mother love, which finds ex- 
pression in thoughts for the welfare of her family. (2) ‘The 
instinct for the beautiful—in her person and in her background 
—craves satisfaction. (3) Closely allied to these is the fun- 
damental interest in thrift. This is the money-saving instinct. 
Advertisers usually appeal to this instinct in their announce- 
ments of bargains and sales, and in their use of odd numbers 
in prices. (4) The appeal to labor-saving instincts must al- 
ways be shown not to conflict with the thrift instinct, which 
is fundamental. 

Appeals based on the foregoing dominant traits create 
‘desire for your products. Conviction is established by vivid 
suggestion of value. 

Woman, says Marion Hertha Clarke, commenting on sales 
copy, is a dreamer, a visionary. ‘To reach her, one must sell 
the vision of satisfaction the article will give in beauty and 
utility. If you sell a utility article like a vacuum cleaner or 
an electric washer, avoid construction evidence in the spot- 
light of your appeal. Sell, rather, “dreams of leisure hours, 
of rest, of happy, contented homes, and simplified housework.”’ 
The emotional, short-circuit appeal reaches the heart and 
arouses desire. 

‘Woman does buy such stuff as dreams are made of. In 
matters of dress she buys a dream of herself in the eyes of the 
beholder. In articles of utility she buys the dream of leisure 
hours. In cosmetics, dreams of personal beauty. In automo- 
biles, dreams of distant places; in books, the dream of culture, 
education, and amusement. In everything she buys there is a 
dream; tiny, subconscious perhaps, but a dream notwithstand- 
ing.” 

Values are also important. Although imagination can 
never be safely neglected, women are well informed about 
values and prices. “If you have created a strong enough de- 
sire and your product satisfies her own test of value, a sale 
has been made.” The meaning of this is that women are in- 
tensely practical as well as visionary. 


222 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


The two fundamental questions are always: 
1. How does your product satisfy my longings ? 
2. Am] going to get full value for my money? 


The writer, therefore, cannot afford to overlook such 
appeals as the following in addition to the imaginative appeal: 


(1) See, this girl’s wash dress has extra tucks that make it easy to 
let down. 

(2) These boys’ wash suits are easy to iron—they’re made that way. 

(3) These bloomers have become extremely popular for fall and 
winter wear. This garment has the standard eight-inch reénforcement, 
is cut full and has a neat double elastic cuff below the knee. 


French words, out of place in ordinary copy, are used 
with good effect in the sale of cosmetics, articles of dress, and 
in delicate foods appealing at least as much to taste values 
as to nourishment values. What would be pure affectation 
elsewhere is correct and enticing in the following Ayer para- 
graphs: 

The French have a way of touching common things and making them 
radiant with new charm. 

They wave the wand of magic over mildly interesting perfume, and it 
becomes an odeur ravishingly seductive. A few yards of dress material, 
a bit of embroidery, and—Ma foi!—a costume Parisian, elegant, 
exclusive. 


The chef in his shining kitchen takes the unflavored, unsweetened gela- 
tine of J. & G. Cox, Ltd., that comes from Scotland, dour land o’ 
kirks and sturdy virtues, and—Voila—his soup becomes famous for its 
richness, nutrition, body. Or with Cox’s Gelatine, a bit of left-over 
fish or meat, a bed of lettuce, an olive or two, and—Trés bien!—a 
bewitching salad. 


In the advertising of Cox’s Gelatine in America, for the Cox Gelatine 
Company, New York, we have followed monsieur le chef into his 
kitchen and stood at his elbow. Here are recipes that reveal his art and 
expose his thrifty economies—savories that tempt truculent appetites, 
sauces smooth as cream, provoking desserts, si delicieux. In them 
madame la housewife finds inspirations that lift the monotony from 
three meals a day. 


Action can be stimulated by a guaranty that the purchase 
saves money and labor. The trial method is always helpful 


in the sale of electric washers, refrigerators, sweepers, and the 
Itke. 


APPEALS TO SPECIAL CLASSES 223 


The physical make-up should be attractive and personal. 
Social stationery frequently and appropriately takes the place 
of the standard business sheet. Women read a moderately 
long letter, if it does not arrive on Monday or Friday. The 
language should be correct, and the tone dignified. The col- 
loquial, breezy style is never in place. 

The following letter was sent out by a firm of New York 
resident buyers: 








|My dear Mrs. Babthorne: 


_ Have you ever had some friend in the Dress business take you around to 
a manufacturer’s, and let you pick the exact model you wanted, at the 
wholesale price? 


“Remember what a bargain that was—how far below the regular Retail 
Store figures it was priced ? 


Well, that is the service we offer you on all your dresses and coats. 
We do not take you to one manufacturer. We bring the best from the 
stocks of a hundred manufacturers here, for you to choose from, at 
wholesale prices. 


Now, here is the point. As Resident Buyers for a number of out-of- 
town stores, we are making the rounds of the manufacturers every day. 
You know yourself what bargains you can pick up even in the stores just 
by shopping around. Imagine, then, what we can do when we are daily 
shopping among the manufacturers themselves. Whenever they bring 
out some “Special,” or whenever they have only a few of a style left, 
or whenever they finish copying their designer’s model-gowns, we get 
them. 

At such a time the manufacturers, who cannot afford to bother with 
such small lots, are willing to let us have them at our own price. The 
result is that we can offer you many of the season’s loveliest and most 
distinctive models, in all sizes, in the most fashionable colors and ma- 
terials, at actually less than their regular wholesale prices. 

Come and see for yourself. It costs nothing to be shown. And if you 
can save half on all your dresses, you wish to know it. Be sure to look 
here before you buy your next dress. 


Sincerely yours, 


Observe how carefully the writer explains the reason for 
greatly reduced prices. The letter is built around the appeal 
to thrift. Do not overlook the excellent construction of the 
paragraphs, each leading to the significant thrift appeal at the 


224 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


close of the paragraph. Emphasis is gained by position and 
repetition. 

Letters to farmers.—Letters to farmers and suburbanites 
are usually much longer than letters to any other class of 
buyers. Unless they arrive during one of the busy seasons— 
planting, harvesting—long letters are attentively read. Create 
desire by appealing to the dominant need—utility. 

Conviction is based on elaborately substantiated facts. In- 
closures are read thoroughly. The letter must be full of 
facts, for the farmer is accustomed to turn over arguments 
in his mind and to think for himself. He is quick to detect 
shallow generalizations and insincere statements. 

The language is plain and even homely, although the 
writer must avoid the mistake of trying to use the farmer’s 
own type of language. Unless the writer has lived among 
farmers or has been a farmer himself, he should limit him- 
self to standard English. The tone is frank as well as mat- 
ter of fact. Action is stimulated by the assurance of guaran- 
teed value and satisfaction or money returned. 

It will be readily observed that the following letter to 
suburbanites and small-town folks is not adapted to the metro- 
politan-minded apartment dweller. The letter is a good ex- 
ample of the type adapted to the point of view of those who 
live “in the country,’ whether on the farm or in the suburbs. 
The engraved letterhead pictures vineclad homes with well- 
planted yards. ‘The letter, covering two full pages of closely 
typed material, contains numerous illustrated inclosures, some 
in color. ‘This amplified letter, which would be considered 
diffuse by other classes of busy people, is well adapted to the 
tastes of the person addressed. 


Your home, the spot of earth supremely blest, 
A dearer, sweeter spot than all the rest. 


Dear Home Lover: 


As one who believes in better homes and in improving the home sur- 
roundings, we are confident you would enjoy reading Better Homes and 


Gardens. 


Flower and plant “variety” tables, planting schedules, cultural instruc- 
tions will aid you in increasing the charm and individuality of your 
home and home surroundings. 


APPEALS TO SPECIAL CLASSES 225 


To succeed in gardening, building, remodeling, or decorating, it is neces- 








sary to have first the completed picture. Better Homes and Gardens 


gives you just the help you need. Free service from our Subscribers’ 
“Information Bureau may save you costly mistakes. 


In a little more than two years, this “so different’? magazine has at- 
tracted nearly 600,000 subscribers. Suburban folks say it is just what 
they have long wanted. From 2,000 to 3,000 subscriptions are being 
received daily. 


The front cover for December is a real work of art. This number will 
be literally crammed with garden and home-building information. 
Among many other distinctive articles, you will find: 


Home Glimpses, by Mrs. John D. Sherman. 
The Making of a Garden. 

And Now We Have Our Home. 

Beauty at the Back Door. 

What Shall We Do with the Children? 

How to Buy and Cook Meats. 


Better Homes and Gardens is attractively illustrated. Covers are 
four-color reproductions of special paintings. It is printed on extra good 
paper, and each monthly issue contains from 52 to 100 pages. 


Other garden and home improvement magazines cost $3 and $5 a year. 
By acting promptly, you can get the benefit of our introductory rate of 
three full years for $1, or one year for 35 cents. The subscription raté 
will advance on January 1 to 60 cents a year. 


1000 ideas on garden and home improvement. 
Subscribe for three years at $1. Save 80 cents. 


“Better Homes and Gardens” sells on news stands for 10 cents a copy. 
By subscribing at the present low rate, you pay less than 3 cents a copy. 
Every number is worth the price of a year’s subscription. 


One of the boys or girls may be pleased to secure a club of subscriptions 
to earn some of the articles shown on the inclosed Reward Folder. 
Why not give one of the youngsters your subscription as a “starter” 
toward aclub? Our reward offers are very liberal. 


If cash commission is preferred to merchandise rewards, keep 40 per cent. 
This applies only to orders of two or more subscriptions. 


Special reward for promptness! 


Let’s have an order for two or more subscriptions amounting to at 
least $2, within ten days, and we shall include with the reward you 
select, a 103-piece Christmas package as described in the inclosed folder. 


226 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Send your subscription with a remittance now, get the benefit of the 
low rate, and make sure of receiving the beautiful December number. 
Or, return the Pay-on-Approval card and pay after inspecting the first 
copy. 

Inclosed are a reply envelope and an order blank. Your money back 
at any time you say you’re not more than satisfied with the magazine. 
With best wishes we ask you to let us know whenever we can serve you. 


Sincerely yours, 


The alternative offers would be confusing in any but this 
type of letter. The class addressed, however, will study the 
letter and inclosures to determine which plan is most fitting. 

Letters to executives. —Letters to busy executives, includ- 
ing those to bankers, must be short to secure a reading—less 
than one page as a rule. The language is dignified and the 
tone conservative. The high quality of the product and the 
established solidity of the selling firm’s reputation are reflected 
in the stationery and letterhead. An attitude of respectful 
restraint is most convincing. The executive is accustomed to 
making decisions independently, but he needs evidence as to 
worth of product and fairness of price. These considerations 
are well left to inclosures. 

The chief desire of the banker is a sense of security con- 
cerning the worth, appropriateness, and reliability of the 
product. Conviction is based on value received, and action is 
stimulated by assurance that the product is standard for the 
business in which it is to be used. 

The letters reproduced below were used to stimulate 
requests for a bank equipment catalogue. The Art Metal 
Construction Company reports that the returns from the 
entire list of bank presidents and other executives were better 
than nine per cent. 


Dear Sir: 


You will find much to interest you in our new book, “The Banking 
House in Art Metal.” If you are planning a new building, or if 
remodeling or extension is contemplated, you will find this new book a 
helpful and suggestive guide. In any event, we believe that you will 
like to inspect its attractive pages. 


It is not a catalogue. In compiling the book the illustrations have been 
selected with the idea of showing the possibilities in steel and bronze 
for bank interiors, 


APPEALS TO SPECIAL CLASSES 227 


You will see bank equipment ranging from the highly decorative bronze 


door to the steel omnibus; from executives’ desks to document files. 


| The book will not only show you what has been done, but it will also 
“suggest how you can create for your bank the essential atmosphere of 
| dignity and solidity. 


_ The preparation of this book has involved considerable care and expense, 
-and it is not intended for unlimited distribution. This letter is to 
bring to your attention the fact that such a book is available and to 
assure you that we shall be happy to send it, upon request, to you or 
any other officer of your bank. 


Yours very truly, 
Art Metal Construction Company 
(signed ) 
General Sales Manager 


Dear Sir: 


Would it be interesting to you to visit fifty or more representative banks 
throughout the country for the purpose of gathering ideas on the later 
developments in bank architecture, equipment, and methods? 


It undoubtedly would, but the demands upon your time make such 
opportunities few. 
A great deal of the valuable information that you would gain on such 
a tour is found in our new, profusely illustrated book, “The Banking 
House in Art Metal.” ‘This is the book of which one prominent banker 
said, “Your book will be of benefit to us in giving us new ideas for 
perfecting the arrangement of our bank.” 
We shall be glad to send a copy on request, without .obligation of any 
sort on your part. Just return the inclosed card. 

Yours very truly, 

Art Metal Construction Company 
(signed ) 
General Sales Manager 


Letters to salesmen.—The sales manager writes encour- 
aging letters to his salesmen on the road, in order to spur 
them on to greater efforts, and to tie them, by considerate 
treatment of their problems, closer to the house. Salesmen 
desire practical help, but they wish also to be treated as 
human beings. Their loyalty and efficiency are increased if 
the sales manager remembers them occasionally as men, in- 
stead of treating them always as so many units in a system. 


228 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Holidays, and especially Christmas, offer opportunities to’ 
wide-awake and considerate executives. 

Conviction is established by increasing the confidence of 
the salesmen in the goods they sell. Action is assured by diplo- 
matic suggestions for improvement, statements of apprecia- 
tion, and encouragement to renewed effort through playing 
the game of competition with other salesmen on the staff. 

The letter may abound in vivid trade expressions, and 
the tone is always optimistic, even in the face of adverse 
conditions. Letters to salesmen vary in length according to 
the needs of the situation—from compact ‘‘ginger talks” to 
long explanations of selling plans in their relation to prices, 
territory to be covered, and proper methods to be used in 
selling difficult customers. 

The following letter from Mr. E. M. Paget, vice-presi- 
dent and sales manager of the Continental Chemical Corpora- 
tion, to one of his salesmen shows how a sales manager takes 
his star salesman down a peg. 


Dear Ed Jackson: 


I was thinking the other night about Frank Bacon in ‘“‘Lightnin’,”’ and 
something about his career. In many ways it reminded me of you. 


’ 


You know how many years Bacon plugged along doing whatever he 
could get to do in the best way he could—dreaming all the while of the 
day when he would be a real star. Finally, after about fifty-five years 
of discouragement, the day came when he saw his name in big electric 
letters, reading “Frank Bacon in Lightnin’.” If you ever saw him in 
this play, you know how perfect he was—how carefully he acted every 
detail. He epitomized his life ambition in that play. It was a cruel 


blow of fate that snapped him off just as his big moment had arrived. 


You know you have some dandy accounts. Based on what all of us 
call success, you rightly feel that you have “arrived.” ‘Think, however, 
what would happen if a competitor took some of these accounts away 
from us. You would have to do a lot of hard work to get someone to 
take their place, wouldn’t you? 


Why not be another Frank Bacon, by putting every ounce of energy 
you possess not only into keeping these accounts, but also into develop- 
ing every possible prospect in your territory? Plug right after them as 
Bacon plugged for success. Use all your talents to secure the small 
ones as well as the large ones, for the small one of today is sometimes 
the big fellow of tomorrow. 


APPEALS TO SPECIAL CLASSES 229 





You can lose several small accounts and not feel the loss so keenly as 
| when you lose one large account. ‘This is particularly so because the 
‘remaining ninety out of the original hundred will probably increase 
‘in purchases enough to make up the deflected ten. It is easy, too, for you 


to get fifteen or twenty to take the place of the ten who have gone. 





You have done well, but you want to do more, and I want you to do 
‘more, for I know you can. 

I know you are not satisfied to stand still. There are better jobs ahead 
of you, mine included, when you show yourself to be the man to take 
them. You know, I get some credit too when your sales increase and 
when it is evident that you are getting the largest volume out of your 
territory, but you gain more by it than I do. Since, then, we both 
have something to gain and nothing to lose, will you not show me, 
and the company, just how good you can be? 

I should like to talk to you, and shall the first chance that offers, but 
I am sure this letter will be received just as it is intended and that it 
will result in the greatest good for all of us. 

Sincerely and truly your friend, 
(signed ) 
Sales Manager 


Letters to dealers.—Dealers, considered only in their 
capacity of business men, and not as consumers, are chiefly 
concerned with profits. They are interested in quick turn- 
over rather than in quality. 

Tangible proof of the seller’s codperation in moving goods 
from the shelves or sales rooms establishes conviction. Action 
can be stimulated by the offer of special inducements. 

The physical make-up must be attractive and colorful, but 
businesslike. The language is colloquial and even crisp. The 
tone is spirited when the nature of the goods allows—seldom 
is the style slow-moving and dignified as in letters to profes- 
sionals and farmers. The letter to dealers as business men is 
always short—rarely over one page. 

Novel inclosures help to focus attention and arouse desire. 


Gentlemen: 
Our fall advertising campaign is well under way. 


The tremendous campaign started early this year has been enlarged. 


We commenced with 36 newspapers in centrally located cities; 49 are 
now carrying large Barrett Ads. 


230 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


In addition to the newspapers, 12 national mediums, including The 
Saturday Evening Post, Successful Farming and Wallace’s Farmer, will 
regularly broadcast Barrett messages this fall. 


The combined circulation of these newspapers and magazines during 
the fall is close to one hundred and fifty million. ‘This means that 
at least 5 Barrett Ads are going into every home in the country. 
Barrett Roofings will be closely tied up to the remodeling idea initiated 
by us. ‘This can have only one result—more business for Barrett dealers. 
Many home owners in your locality are thinking of remodeling. They 
are live prospects for everything you handle. Show them the Barrett 
Book, “Better Homes from Old Houses.” It will surely help increase 
your sales. 

Your roofing stock should be in shape to take care of fall business. 
Prices are firm and we can honestly recommend the purchase of Barrett 
roofings at today’s quotations. 


Yours very truly, 


The appeal to business men as consumers differs in various 
ways from the foregoing requirements. In physical make-up, 
language, and tone there is little difference between the stand- 
ard single sales letters and the letter to the dealer as a con- 
sumer. The approach, however, must be straightforward and 
direct. 

Whatever the dealer buys he is likely to look upon as an 
investment—in health for himself and his family, as in the 
purchase of an automobile; in wholesome recreation, as in the 
purchase of a radio or player piano; in larger opportunities 
for his family, as in the purchase of a home in a better locality; 
in eficiency (saving of time, effort, money), as in the purchase 
of a dictaphone or adding machine for the office or store; in 
pride, as in the installation of new shelves and show cases. 

When the appeal to the business man as a consumer covers 
matters connected specifically with his business and the con- 
duct of it, as in the last two items in the previous paragraph, 
the letter differs little, if at all, from the type illustrated by 
the Burroughs Adding Machine letter. Although the business 
man often has his dreams, and does, indeed, indulge them 
when his finances allow, he nevertheless looks upon his pur- 
chases in the light of an investment. The appeal to profit, 
therefore, is always strong, whether the profit is in actual 
cash or in satisfactions more intangible. 


APPEALS TO SPECIAL CLASSES 231 


Green Rock Sand Company, 
900 Maple Avenue, 
Green Rock, N. J. 


Gentlemen: 
Perhaps you have often felt that you would like to own an adding 
machine, but have hesitated because you were not sure it would pay 
you a profit. 
How would you like to use a Burroughs Adding Machine for 15 days, 
absolutely free? Here’s a real opportunity to see what an adding 
machine will do for you, and it won’t cost you a cent to find out. 
We believe it is worth while for us to let you try a machine on this 
basis. We think that this machine will help you save money and make 
money, and that you will discover the truth of what we say within 
15 days. 
If, at the end of the 15 days, you decide that you do not want this 
machine, we shall take it away as cheerfully as we brought it in. 
If, however, at the end of that time you want to keep the machine, pay 
us $15.50 down, and we'll arrange the balance in easy monthly pay- 
ments. ‘The total cash price is only $125. 
Don’t miss this opportunity. Simply mail the inclosed post card and 
we'll have a new Burroughs machine delivered to your place of business. 
Remember, you will be under no obligation whatsoever. 

Yours very truly, 

(signed ) 
General Sales Manager 


Letters to professionals. —The professional ranks include 
actors, artists, musicians, lawyers, doctors, ministers, teachers. 
Lawyers, ministers, and teachers often hold executive posi- 
tions or perform many of the duties of executives. Unless, 
however, their work is exclusively, or almost exclusively, 
executive, the appeal that touches them is in essentials the 
one used with professionals. 

Basically, the appeal to professionals is much like that to 
women. The instinct for orderliness and beauty is strong. 
The emotional appeal can be made very effective when it is 
judiciously combined with substantiated facts. Professionals 
are accustomed to weighing evidence. They have the ability 
to arrive at conclusions independently. Though their final 
decision may be guided and directed by the letter, the appeal - 


232 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


should be so phrased as to seem to allow complete independ- 
ence of decision. 

The letter should never be more than moderately long— 
not more than a page and a half at the utmost. It is well, 
in fact, to limit the letter to one page, leaving the bulk of 
the evidence to inclosures. The language is always conven- 
tionally correct, and the tone is never familiar. Above all, to 
receive attention, the letter must appear absolutely individual. 
A perfect match of ribbons for the fill-in is indispensable. 

Most often the standard business-sheet is best, but for 
the sale of certain articles with an esthetic or cultural appeal, 
social stationery is advisable. While the former may be sent 
to the business address, the latter should always be sent to 
the home. 

The letter may contain a purely professional appeal, par- 
ticularly in selling artists’ materials, musical accessories, 
actors’ stage requirements, instruments and office supplies for 
doctors and dentists, and professional publications like refer- 
ence books and magazines for doctors, lawyers, ministers, and 
teachers. Such letters are designed to satisfy vocational needs. 
The tone should be dignified but businesslike. 


Dear Doctor Babthorne: 


Could such men as Bruce Barton, Ernest Elmo Calkins, and Charles 
Austin Bates help you in planning your class work this autumn? 


Would it aid your students if you were able to bring to them the 
advertising experiences of John Lee Mahin, Robert R. Updegraff, Floyd 
Parsons, and William R. Bassett ? 


These men are some of the advertising and marketing authorities who 
will write for “The Advertising Fortnightly” this autumn. ‘Their 
articles lend themselves admirably to class work because they interpret 
the principles and policies behind successful advertising campaigns. 


“The Advertising Fortnightly” will keep you informed of the most sig- 
nificant developments in contemporary advertising practice—a whole 
year for $2. 


If you mail the inclosed card now, you will be in time for the important 


autumn issues. 
Cordially yours, 


When, however, the appeal is to the professional’s per- 


sonal interests, the approach is identical with that of letters 
directed to educated and cultivated people generally. 


APPEALS TO SPECIAL CLASSES 233 
Dear Sir: 


We are very anxious to interest you as a faculty member in the special 
low cost tours to Europe this summer on United States Lines ships. 
These tours offer a special appeal to faculty members, students, and 
other persons interested in the educational and cultural advantages of a 
trip to Europe. ‘The tours are particularly inviting because they involve 
the new American idea of going abroad at a low cost in third class 
cabins of the United States Lines ships, on which special exclusive 
accommodations have been set aside for people of intelligence and 
culture. 

The accommodations insure comfort and convenience. Your traveling 
companions will be Americans of the best type. 

The inclosed descriptive material indicates the possibilities of pleasurable 
travel at economy rates. Note also the dates of sailing. 


If you are interested, please write me and mark your reply “personal.” 
Yours very truly, 
(signed ) 
Passenger Trafic Manager 


Letters to composite classes. —The foregoing divisions 
are practical when the nature of the product is such as to 
permit the choice of an appeal suited definitely to one or the 
other of these divisions. Frequently the class appeal cannot 
be determined by reference to sex or to occupational needs 
and interests. There are times when the sales appeal must 
be directed to a class made up of individuals drawn from all or 
most of these divisions. When, therefore, the classification 
cuts across the foregoing divisions, the writer must make a 
cross-section of society in order to study the temper of the 
prospects to whom the letter is mailed. 

If, for example, the writer is circulation manager of a 
magazine read by people with different professional and occu- 
pational interests, he must study the mental and emotional 
characteristics of typical subscribers. One kind of magazine 
may appeal almost exclusively to conservative, sedate, well- 
bred people individually capable of independent thought. At 
the other extreme may be found the magazine making its 
appeal almost wholly to fashionable people who are only 
superficially, if at all, interested in ideas, and to whom serious 
discussion of modern problems is not congenial, if not dis- 


234 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


agreeable. When a serious thought is unavoidable, they touch 
it only lightly and ironically. Because the interests of this 
gilded class are usually material, these people prefer to take 
their thoughts ready-made. Glittering generalizations, if 
stated with glib assurance, are accepted spontaneously at 
their face value. 

The writer must employ a conservative tone at one ex- 
treme, but a breezy tone is required at the opposite extreme. 
Between these two are gradations of tones suitable according 
to the nature of the audience addressed. It is necessary to 
decide, then, whether the tone of the appeal is to be sedate, 
conservative, progressive, colloquial, jaunty, or breezy. Sim- 
plicity, however, is always the keynote, whatever the tone 
level. 

The conservative tone.—Observe the conservative tone 
in the following good class appeal. The clientele of the 
Atlantic Monthly is successfully visualized. The letter was 
typed on paper of excellent quality. Before the letter was 
typed, a sheet measuring eight by ten inches was folded to 
five by eight inches to secure the effect of social stationery, 
with its suggestion of the personal approach. The imagina- 
tively phrased, concrete message harmonizes well with the 
conservative tone of the letter as a whole. In this respect 
the letter illustrates how a conservative message can be made 
vivid without resorting to snappy phrases. The student should 
observe also how the material of every sentence is chosen to 
fit the needs of the special class, and how the diction and the 
long sentences are keyed to create an atmosphere of restraint 


and the desired effect of solidity. 
My dear Sir: 


A rather revealing incident was related to me late this summer. It 
speaks again of the close bond which, even in cosmopolitan New York, 
seems to encircle all “Atlantic” readers, whether they have been properly 
introduced or not. 


Walking along Fifth Avenue at a brisk rate, a very personable young 
man was stopped by a breathless lady who eagerly said to him: ‘Oh, 
please excuse me, but do tell me, where did you get it? I have been 
everywhere, but I cannot secure a copy, and I must have it for that 
Cabot article.” 


APPEALS TO SPECIAL CLASSES 235 


As the lady’s eyes greedily rested on a copy of the “‘Atlantic”’ which our 
young friend carried under his arm, it did not take him long to guess 
to what she referred, and it was with regret that he had to tell 
her that, alas, it was not the current, but a back number he was 
carrying. 


That this is not an isolated case seems to be proved by the stream of 
letters in which our good friends tell us of the added pleasure they 
have had on their travels, meeting delightful companions whose sole 
introduction in many cases has been a copy of the orange-covered 
magazine. 


Congratulations have often been extended to ‘““The Atlantic Monthly” 
on its distinguished line of editors, beginning with James Russell 
Lowell—on the active part it has been allowed to play in the literature, 
science, art, and politics of our country—on its world-famous depart- 
ment, The Great War, succeeded by that of The New World. But 
nothing means so much to us as the current of friendship which seems 
to be so happily set in motion, once the “‘Atlantic’” habit is formed. 


But don’t think the “Atlantic” group is a “glad” one, simply echoing one 
another’s opinions. Far from it. You are as likely as not to disagrée 
with every word in the leading article. But you will find in it some- 
thing to think about—and an urge to discuss it with somebody. After 
all, doesn’t intelligent discussion provide a great deal of the zest of life? 


We have an idea that you would like the “Atlantic Monthly.” Why 
not try it for the coming year? You will note that if you wish to give 
it to a friend at the same time—and Christmas isn’t so far away, after 
all—you may enjoy a special rate. 





Cordially yours, 


(signed ) 
Circulation Manager 


The buoyant tone.—In the following letter the tone is that 
of adventurous youth. Far from being snappy, the style never- 
theless is lively and progressive, rather than, as in the fore- 
going letter, staid and sedate. If the foregoing letter has dig- 
nity, the following has poise, the poise of self-respecting youth. 
The tone is that of buoyant and zestful younger men and 
women whose interests are in the finer ideals of life and living. 
The material (love stories), the diction (‘‘bravely outspoken,” 
‘immodest little circular,” ‘“‘cocktails and slang’’), and the 
shorter sentences suggest the livelier appeal to a thinking 
minority. 


236 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 
Dear Reader: 


How would you edit a magazine? 


Under the guidance of young men, The Forum is taking the point of 
view of the younger generation. Youth often discovers that the new is 
best, only to find that the old is even better. 


Youth, however, demands the right of frank and free discussion in order 
to arrive at the truth. To this end The Forum provides stimulating 
debates, a rostrum, and a symposium for its readers, and brief, pointed 
essays, in readable style, that furnish ammunition for intelligent conversa- 
tion. Nor do we scorn poetry and fiction. 


Of sex novels in these days there are many. Of love stories, few. 
For a serial to begin in the October Forum, we have selected the latest 
novel of the youngest member of a literary family, Major Arthur 


Hamilton Gibbs, brother of Sir Philip Gibbs and Cosmo Hamilton. 


It is the love story of a young English country girl, frankly discussing 
the problems of the younger generation in a way bravely outspoken, 
yet in the finest sense, reticent. “Soundings” is picturesque and vital, 
but for the flavor of cocktails and slang it substitutes a flavor of loyalty 
and out-of-doors. 
The editor solicits your friendly interest in The Forum. Will you 
read it for a year or for the shorter period set forth by the circulation 
manager in his immodest little circular? And will you become a con- 
tributor? Only with your assistance can we hope to make The Forum 
the “guide, philosopher, and friend” of America’s thinking minority. 

Yours very sincerely, 

(signed ) 
Editor 


The sprightly tone—The Living Age letter, which fol- 
lows, is conceived and executed in an accelerated tempo. The 
method of rapid-fire summarizing carries the reader along al- 
most breathlessly. Like the magazine it aims to sell, the letter 
makes a lively, sprightly survey of the prospect’s interests. 
In keeping with the tempo, the language is informal: ‘“‘keep up 
with,” ‘‘want,” “‘care for.’ The tone tends toward the col- 
loquial, but without loss of dignity. 


Dear Sir: 


If you think the world is larger than your parish, this letter has reached 
the right man. 


If you would keep up with the newest plays in Paris, the literary 
gossip of London, the talk of the Continent ; 


APPEALS TO SPECIAL CLASSES 237 


If you want to know the difference between rumor and fact about 
Russia and Germany, the truth about France and England; 


If you care for news from China and Japan, from India and the 
Argentine; 

If, in short, you want to talk intelligently or to listen with discretion; 
Then, here is the magazine for you. 

From every large city in every civilized country the leading newspapers 
and magazines come to the ofhces of The Living Age. ‘There the 
editors select, translate, and reprint the best material they can find— 
political articles, short stories, poems and book reviews. 


With The Living Age on your table you will be kept up to the mark 
on foreign affairs every week in the year. 


Are your tastes of a literary order? 


You will look forward especially to the first week of each month when 
The Living Age will be enlarged into a literary review with longer 
articles than we have space for in our usual issues. “This new feature is 
completely described in the inclosed circular. 


Here we wish to make only one point more—and it is of an extremely 
practical nature. 

At the bottom of this page there is a coupon. It quotes you the gen- 
erous rate of Seven Months for Iwo Dollars—the regular price is 
Five Dollars a year. Fill out and send it to us with your remittance, 
and you will find yourself looking at the world with a more under- 
standing, a more interested eye. 


Sincerely yours, 


The jaunty tone.—The foregoing letters show reticence, 
but not so the following one, which is written on a distinctly 
different tone level. The jaunty tone of self-assurance is re- 
flected from such a word as “‘genuine”’ in the first sentence. A 
breezy air emanates from a sentence like the second, with its 
carelessly inaccurate “‘yours for the asking.” ‘The tone of ex- 
travagance is sounded in the grandiloquent “those who have 
knowledge, judgment, taste,’ and in the comprehensively 
superlative “‘most interesting, valuable, and thoroughly en- 
joyable.’ The reader of this letter is not asked to think 
deeply. Discriminating thought is not demanded. ‘The letter 
flatters the reader’s vanity. It offers him a desirable premium 
as bait for a subscription. The free and easy attitude is col- 
loquially phrased in ‘‘you have ever come across,” 


238 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 
Dear Friend: 


Because we have been told that you are a lover of good books, and 
that you have a keen interest in the genuine literature of the day, we 
have made a special arrangement in your behalf with Messrs. Boni and 


Liveright, publishers of “The Modern Library.” 


Two good books—perhaps two you have wanted to read for years— 
are now yours for the asking. 


The Smart Set is edited for the discriminating few—those who have 
knowledge, judgment, and taste. We can safely assure you that you 
will find The Smart Set one of the most interesting, valuable, and 
thoroughly enjoyable magazines you have ever come across. In fact, 
we do give you just that assurance, to the extent of guaranteeing to 
refund the subscription price to you (read the coupon carefully) if we 
are wrong. 
Please give the succeeding pages a minute of your time, as a favor to 
yourself and to us. 
Very sincerely yours, 
(signed ) 
(signed ) 
Editors 


The juvenile tone.—Like juvenile stories, letters to chil- 
dren are difficult to write well. Adaptation to the child mind 
is, however, well illustrated in the physical make-up, structure, 
tone, and language of the St. Nicholas letter which follows. 
The letter is multigraphed on a standard eight by eleven sheet. 
The text is bordered on all sides by nine delicately colored 
lithographs picturing childhood activities. 

While it is not literally true that the message is phrased 
in words of two syllables, the diction is well adapted to pro- 
duce the effect of simplicity. The quiet tone is dignified but 
natural, and the appeal to child motives and instincts is in har- 
mony with the child’s point of view. 


Dear Reader: 


You are among the fortunate boys and girls who receive St. Nicholas 
every month. You know that many of your friends like to borrow your 
copy, or that they have to wait in line at the public library to read the 
interesting stories and departments that just pack every issue of St. 
Nicholas. 


Each month, hundreds of our friends write in and tell us how much 
St. Nicholas means to them. 


APPEALS TO SPECIAL CLASSES 239 


~Wouldn’t you like to earn the equivalent of $4.00 for yourself and at 
the same time bring a great deal of happiness to two of your best 
| friends? 
If you will secure two yearly subscriptions to St. Nicholas, either new 
or renewal, at the regular price of four dollars a year, we shall extend 
your own subscription for twelve months absolutely free. 
Of course, you already know of at least two boys and girls who would 
like very much to have their own copies of St. Nicholas every month. 
_ Just think how much fun you will all have talking about the various 
stories and features. And don’t forget—there will be an interesting 
and helpful radio department each month beginning with the May 
number. 
When you have secured the two yearly subscriptions, send us the $8.00 
(check or money order) in the inclosed envelope with the order-blanks 
properly filled in. 
You will be very happy in knowing that you are bringing so many 
pleasant and worth-while hours to your friends, and at the same time 
you are earning a $4.00 subscription for yourself. 


Sincerely yours, 


P.S.—If you send only one yearly subscription, we shall extend your 
own subscription for four additional months. ‘These four copies would 
cost you $1.40 on the news stands. 


The tone of simplicity——Tone qualities, however, are not 
limited to letters dealing with books or literary subjects. 
Every letter, whatever the nature of the product it sells, can 
be improved in effectiveness through consideration of the tone 
level most appropriate to the corethought. ‘The following 
example illustrates how well tone qualities can be utilized in a 
selling appeal directed chiefly to engineers and mechanics. 

On the letter sheet, just above the text, is a clear picture of 
the Hyatt Roller Bearing Company’s lineshaft box. The two 
parts of the shaft, upper and lower, are being held apart to 
show the interior of the lineshaft box. Diction, sentence struc- 
ture, and sentence length suggest the simplicity of design the 
writer aims to impress upon the reader. The style is in com- 
plete harmony with the subject-matter and the purpose of the 
writing. 


Dear Sir: 


You can’t beat the Hyatt lineshaft box for simplicity. 
Look at this box. See how easy it is to assemble, 


240 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


You will notice that the box is split. First you put the upper half of 
the box on the shaft, and then slide the lower half into place. Then they 
are screwed together. 


The rollers operate on the shaft. ‘There are no collars, no bushings. 
There is nothing to give trouble. 

It is the simplicity that makes the Hyatt lineshaft box trouble-proof. 
Oil is needed only once in every four months. Its rugged simplicity 
insures you against wear and delays in production. 


We have a book of information for you. Its number is 130. Send for 
it today. 
Sincerely yours, 


Conclusion.—It is well to remember that the sales letter 
directed to special classes is structurally the same as the sales 
letter no matter to whom directed. ‘The appeals, too, are 
fundamentally the same—quality, price, and satisfaction pro- 
viding the basis for all sales letters. “These remain constant, 
however variable other appeals may be in the process of 
adaptation and adjustment to special classes. 


Exercises. 


I. Exercises for Oral and Written Anaylsis. 


1. In a sentence for each, state the corethought of the 
letters on pages 218, (223, 227) 228/229 "23200 aus 

2. What appeal is incorporated in the following sentences ? 
To what class is the appeal made? 


(1) This article is the third in a series of critical essays on our colleges 
and universities. “They will appear every month in The Smart Set 
under the general title, “The Higher Learning in America.” While 
the Columbia article will naturally be of greater interest to you than 
those that follow, we are sure you will employ every one of them. 

(2) A Handel lamp is a graceful and charming thing by day, but at 
night, glowing with myriad tones and mellow hues, it becomes an 
object of rarest beauty. “The exquisite artistry of Handel craftsmanship 
leaps up to greet you in all its matchless charm. 


3. “Women can no more help liking feminine appeals than 
men can reject the masculine appeal of virile, manly, red- 
blooded, strong, powerful. Yet these are all as overworked 
as dainty, alluring, and charming.” ———Do you agree? 





APPEALS TO SPECIAL CLASSES 241 


4. “Let a rosy light of dreams create desire,’ writes one 
woman. “It will be a relief to be talked to in brass-tack 
terms,” writes another woman. Are both correct? Why 
is the short-circuit appeal as necessary as the reason-why ap- 
peal? 

5. What produces the cheerful atmosphere? What is the 
appeal? 





Monday has been a blue, tortuous day of boilings, rubbings, scrubbings, 
rinsings, bluings, and hangings-out-to-dry ever since Adam hung “To 
Let” on Eden, until along came a pioneer that turned Blue Monday 
into a brilliant, glistering white. The washer that gently eases the 
dirt out of soiled raiment has the pleasant name of “‘La France.” 


6. Study the letters on pages 257, 261 as examples of 
the class appeal. 


II, Letters for Criticism and Revision. 


(1) 
Dear Madam: 
Blue Monday is gone forever. Why? 


Because at last the housewife’s problem is solved. She no longer need 
look forward to Monday with dread. 


Gone are the old-fashioned wash boilers, the clumsy tubs, the back- 
breaking wash-boards over which our mothers had to toil. In their 
place stands a neat, trim, modern Savage Washing and Drying Machine. 


All you do is to put the clothes into the perforated, cylindrical basin, 
press the button, and presto, the work is done. ‘The water is gently 
forced through every inch of the fabric, removing every particle of dirt. 


The drying is just as simple. Adjust the basin, press the button, and 
whizz, round it goes, throwing off the superfluous water through the 
perforations. In one minute the clothes are ready to hang on the line. 
Sounds like a fairy tale, does it not? ‘The clothes are as sweet and clean 
as if a fairy had waved her magic wand and commanded, “Dirt be 


) 


gone.” No wringer is used. 
We give a demonstration in your own home, without obligation to you. 
The machine is simplicity itself, as the inclosed booklet shows. 


Simply sign and mail the inclosed card now. Our delivery man will 
leave a machine on trial. 


Yours truly, 


242 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Is the foregoing letter clear? Why not? Are the last 
three paragraphs properly arranged to make an effective 
close? Will the appeal be more effective if the writer limits 
himself to the emotional appeal in the letter, leaving the rea- 
son-why for the folder? 


(2) 
Dear Sir: 
The signature on this letter has been produced by a “Wet Ink” method. 


The machine used is one designed especially for us. With it we can 
give you the kind of signatures you have been wanting for a long time. 


Not until our ‘““Wet Ink” method was perfected were we able to get a 
real signature. 


The signature is extremely important. Why not let us handle your 
next order? 

Very truly yours, 

Sampson and Murdock, 

List and Letter Service Dept. 


To what class was the last letter directed? 


(3) 
Dear Sir: 
The Sun Oil Company saves $3,935.88 yearly with Thermolith, the 


all-temperature fire cement. 


A survey made by a firm of independent engineers proves conclusively 
that Thermolith reduces boiler maintenance costs at the Marcus Hook, 
Pa., plant to the extent of $3,935.88 each year. 


Previously, when fire clay was used, it was necessary to reline the fire 
boxes in five boilers twice a year. With Thermolith the fire boxes are 
relined but once a year. 


‘Thermolith effects a further saving in overhead costs by reducing the 
time each boiler is “off the line’ for relining, from 32 days each year 
to only 14 days. 


The total saving exceeds 18 times the cost of the Thermolith used, a 
striking example of the economy with which this material is used in 
hundreds of industries today. 


Write us for a copy of the guaranteed survey which describes in detail 
the service of Thermolith in the Sun Oil Company Plant—there is no 
obligation. 

Yours truly, 


APPEALS TO SPECIAL CLASSES 243 


The last letter is directed to executives, plant managers, 
superintendents, and the like, who are interested in reducing 
maintenance costs. Is the beginning strong in its appeal to this 
type of reader? What is the purpose of the writer? What 
talking points are used? Are these grouped effectively about 
the corethought? What type of evidence is used? Rewrite 
the urge. 


(4) 

Dear Sir: 

Do you remember the midnight “bicker” sessions of your undergraduate 
days? The affairs of the world were pretty well settled in those in- 
formal gatherings. “There was wit and information a-plenty. Active 
minds made conversation interesting. 


Send your mind adventuring again. The Forum is today making people 
think and talk. It is the meeting place of creative minds in every field 
of human endeavor. 


Without attempting to be clever, The Forum manages to be enter- 
taining. 


Will you let The Forum help you keep pace? 


Very sincerely yours, 


(5) 
Dear Doctor: 


We have rather consistently avoided soliciting your business in your 
ofice. We know how valuable your time is. 


We suggest that you visit our salesrooms, where you can at your leisure 
investigate, examine, and have demonstrated any of the comprehensive 
line of instruments and apparatus we have in stock. 


About a year ago we established connections with Carl Reiner of 
Vienna, becoming his sole American representative. We now have 
many of his instruments in stock. Others are being received daily. 


This famous line of instruments is worthy of your special attention. 
Reiner instruments are particularly low-priced at present. 


May we invite you to visit our sales rooms, located near the medical 
center of New York? 
Yours truly, 


The Surgical Instruments Company 
(signed ) 


244 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


(6) 
Dear Mrs. Babthorne: 


Last week we sent you one of our booklets describing and picturing our 
Palisade Police Dogs. 


Our dogs are sometimes called one-man dogs. That does not literally 
mean one man. It rather means that while the dog is most loyal and 
affectionate to those whom he knows (all the members of the house- 
hold), he does not expect nor want attention from strangers, and 
consequently ignores them. 


In disposition, the police dog is kind and lovable. He enjoys being 
petted and is quite demonstrative in showing his love for his master 
and mistress, and especially for the children. One of our customers 
writes: ‘““We are all devoted to Vigo and he to us. He. is over a year 
old now and is very good-natured, especially with baby. He lets her 
pull his ears. She walks on him and mauls him generally. He takes 
her hand or foot in his big mouth but never hurts her.” 


The gentle disposition of the police dog and his loyalty make him an 
ideal playmate for your children. His strength and courage fit him 
admirably as a guard and protector. He is fun for the kiddies. His 
intelligence and understanding of your moods make him a splendid pal 
for you. His distinguished appearance makes him the pride of the 
household. 


Our catalogue tells you of the beautiful appearance of this kind of 
dog. 


Make your reservations now. Make sure of a good selection while we 
have a good supply in our kennels, and order now. 


Sincerely yours, 


(7) 
Dear Sir: 


If more than 25,000 grocers in the United States have increased their 
business from ten to twenty per cent, 


And if they have done this at a total cost so small that they scarcely 
minded the outlay, 


You would like to know how they did it, wouldn’t you? 
They installed the Shuman System of Price-Marking. 


Try price-marking your goods the Shuman way and see how quickly 
your customers take notice—how favorably they comment on it—how 
they appreciate the convenience of shopping without having to ask the 
price of everything they buy. 


APPEALS TO SPECIAL CLASSES 245 


Be modern—Shumanize your store, as pictured on the inside pages of 
this letter. ‘Think of the time it saves your clerks in answering ques- 
tions, and how you avoid making mistakes. 


We can give you the facts about increases in trade. Shubert Brothers, 
on West Avenue, Chicago, doing a business of $150,000 a year, say 
that the Shuman Price Stickers increased trade from the first day they 
were up. 


There is no reason for losing time and money. You can buy a com- 
plete outfit of 150 galvanized clamps and 1410 Price Stickers at $5.75— 
extra clamps at $2.50 the 100, and extra stickers of 50 of a kind at 
ten cents the envelope. 


Send in your order on the inclosed blank—now. Do not delay the 
accelerando on your cash register. Order now. 


Yours truly, 
(8) 
My dear Charles: 
We are very glad to have your letter of the tenth. 


We will send you trial sheets of our postage stamps as soon as you 
return the inclosed card. 

Just show the card to your father and have him sign it. 

Then send it back to us. 

Most of our boys are a little older than you, so we were pleasantly 
surprised to find a boy of your age who is so ambitious. Our stamps 
are of such good value that you will not have any trouble selling them 
to your friends. 

Send the card back to us as soon as you can, and you will get the trial 
sheets by return mail. 


Very truly yours, 

7. Criticize the following letters to retail merchants 
These letters were used in connection with advertisements 
intended to stimulate inquiries, the letters being sent in re- 
sponse to inquiries. 

(a) 
Dear Sir: 
‘Your inquiry dated November 5 is appreciated, you may be sure. 


Inclosed is a booklet giving complete information about our tags and 
labels, in which you will also find some actual samples of our work. 
Under separate cover we are sending you a small can of Dennison Glue. 


246 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


If any of the samples particularly appeal to you, just send them in and 
we shall gladly quote prices. Or if you say so, we will make a sketch 
of a tag or label for you. Our doing so does not obligate you in the 
least. You undoubtedly have some ideas and suggestions as to design 
and color combination that you would want incorporated in your tags. 
Just let us have them. Our artists are at your service. 


Practical and laboratory tests continually prove that Dennison’s Glue 
is the strongest cold liquid glue made. When once tried it is, therefore, 
demanded by workers in factories or shops where quick and permanent 
adhesion is required. ‘Test the glue which we are sending you. We 
are confident that you will find all we say is correct. 


We hope we shall have the pleasure of hearing from you again soon. 


Sincerely yours, 
(b) 
Dear Sir: 


Thank you for your inquiry of showing interest in Barreled 
Sunlight. By parcel post we are sending you a sample. 





Try Barreled Sunlight out in comparison to any other paint or enamel 
and you can well believe that your customers will like it because it is 
easy to apply—it is the whitest white and most permanent gloss imagin- 
able—and because of this opacity it is possible to do with one coat 
what would ordinarily require two coats of enamel. 


Made by our exclusive “Rice Process” (no varnish) Barreled Sunlight 
will not show brush marks or laps. It gives a finish that is smooth, 
white, washable—easy to keep clean and retailing for less than the price 
of enamel. Your profit, figured on the enclosed cards, averages over 
per cent based on your cost, about and per cent 
based on your selling price. 











Extensively advertised in (two well known household magazines) 
and other national mediums, dealers report that Barreled Sunlight is 
the quickest turning article in the store. “To direct prospects to your 
store, we co-operate with unique sales helps—movie slides, newspaper 
advertising on a basis, and a window trim including flasher run 
by electricity. 








We are asking our distributors of to get in touch 
with you if the opportunity is open for a new Barreled Sunlight account 
in your locality. 





(c) The Westcott Rule Company uses a merchandise 
item, a sample yardstick, to send to dealers who respond to 
trade-journal advertisements. 


APPEALS TO SPECIAL CLASSES 247 
Dear Sir: 


We have mailed you under separate cover a sample Westcott yardstick. 
You will notice that this stick is very nicely finished, accurate and 
durable. You will be surprised to know that it retails as low as 








Your profit on this style when bought by the gross is 
on your investment. 


per cent 


Other styles from to are described in full in circular. 
This circular gives you the Westcott proposition in a nutshell. The 
plan itself is an old one; as applied to yardsticks it is entirely new. It 
is not necessary for us to write a treatise to get our thought across to 
you. It is simply this: There are many household articles not half 
sO necessary as a yardstick, for which national demand has been created 
and, in which a rapid turnover has resulted. “The same thing can be 
done with yardsticks. 








In fact, it is being done. Many dealers who have taken on Westcott 
sticks report an amazing rapidity of turnover. We want you to get 
behind Westcott yardsticks. “There is a bigger field here than you 
may think. 


Very truly yours, 


(d) The Hooper Sons Manufacturing Company used 
the following letter in connection with requested samples of 
sash cord. 


Dear Sir: 


Due to the increase in practically every line of business you will soon be 
called on to supply an unlimited demand for quality sash cords. We 
urge that you anticipate your requirements for whatever you may 
need up to April 15, 1925, so that you will be protected against any 
further advance in the prices of raw cotton. 


Our cords are sold on a strictly net weight basis and are packed twelve 
dozen hanks to the bale. On bale lots we are pleased to quote subject 
to immediate change without notice as follows: 


PARKDALE STERLING 
(weights and prices) (weights and prices) 
A. liberal order placed at this time will undoubtedly prove to your 
advantage. Order one or more bales today. 


Very truly yours, 


IIL. Problems in Writing Letters Making a Class Appeal. 


1. The following letter was sent out by the subscription 
department of The Readers’ Digest Asssociation, 50 Broad 


248 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Street, New York, N. Y. The letter was sent out under a 
two cent stamp, with inclosures of testimonials, coin card (25 
cents for a sample copy), and a self-addressed stamped en- 
velope. 


Dear Friend: 

Suppose you accepted an offer of thirty popular magazines to be 
delivered to you each month for the price of one transient magazine. 
Think what a tremendous task it would be to wade through hundreds 
of pages of reading matter and advertising, in order to find the worth- 
while articles.) How many of these articles would you find time to 
read? 

Suppose a staff of editors selected thirty-one of the most important and 
interesting articles (such articles as one talks about and wishes to 
remember ) and to save further time condensed them and served them up 
to you in crisp, intelligent form. 


What would you pay for such a service? 


The Readers’ Digest Association offers you this service for twenty- 
five cents a month, less than one cent a day. 


In twelve months The Readers’ Digest gives you 372 ‘‘feature” articles 
of the year. In what other way could you keep your information 
account open so easily—and inexpensively ? 
Discover for yourself what this magazine will mean to you by returning 
the inclosed subscription blank. 

Yours very truly, 


Is the appeal to the reader’s interest specific? Does the 
reader know precisely what type of article is used in the 
Digest? Is the range of selections indicated? What kind of 
evidence (the inclosed testimonials are vague) is used to con- 
vince? Is it definite enough to make him visualize a maga- 
zine he has never seen? 

Write a letter to a classified mailing list that cuts across 
occupational classifications. You might appeal to those who 
desire to keep abreast of the times in magazine fiction, or in 
scientific research in so far as it has a popular significance 
and appeal; in medicine, surgery, electrical appliances, radio, 
a€ronautics, mechanical appliances, biology, chemistry, food, 
dietetics, health; in educational articles for thousands upon 
thousands of teachers, and for parents interested in schools 
and colleges because of their children or for other reasons; in 


APPEALS TO SPECIAL CLASSES 249 


business literature from many sources for progressive business 
men and executives. 

Write the letter, using the basic idea of the foregoing let- 
ter, but focusing your appeal on a composite class with com- 
mon interests. Describe the kind and number of inclosures 
you plan to use with the letter. Would a specimen table of 
contents, reprinted from your latest issue, be helpful? 

2. Assume that you are manager of a hotel in Atlantic 
City. Write a letter to former women patrons of your hotel, 
informing them that you have added a nursery and play room, 
both fully equipped and staffed. Show your interest in the 
children of the family. The policy of the hotel is to cater to 
children as well as to their parents. Sound-deadened floors 
and walls permit noise and romping. Mothers will appreciate 
the genuine welcome extended to children. High-walled play- 
ground for supervised play on the roof. Special provision for 
their children’s entertainment. Recreation facilities complete. 
Surf bathing from the hotel, each child guided by an individual 
nurse, for a small additional fee. 

This letter is to mothers. Adapt the subject-matter and 
style to their point of view. You are writing to well-to-do 
people, but not to wealthy mothers. 

3. Write a sales letter to hotel men, stimulating inquiries 
about Wamsutta Percale sheets and pillow cases. 

Wanmsutta Percale sheets and pillow cases are made of the 
highest grade of fine cotton. They are at the same time deli- 
cate and fine in texture and strong and durable. When Pro- 
fessor E. B. Millard of the Massachusetts Institute of Tech- 
nology made his famous laundry test of twenty-four leading 
brands of sheets and pillow cases, he found Wamsutta Per- 
cale stronger than any other sheet, after 160 washings in a 
commercial laundry. Such durability, woven into the fine but 
firm texture of Wamsutta Percale (which becomes more hand- 
some with frequent launderings), represents a combination 
unequaled. To strengthen Wamsutta Percale, a new tape 
selvedge has been added. The ordinary selvedge, if examined 
under a microscope (see the inclosure with illustration) , shows 
irregular lines and skip stitches. For this reason ordinary 
towels lack strength to endure the hard wear given hotel linen. 
Wamsutta Percale Tape Selvedge reénforces, a fact which 
prevents tearing. Hotel men appreciate the great economy of 


250 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


these long-wearing luxurious sheets and pillow cases. Steadily 
increasing orders prove this. Leading hotels, inns, and clubs: 
provide them for their guests. List of references? Inclose 
samples, or send these only to hotel men who inquire in re- 
sponse to your letter? Are you writing to consumers? 

Use as many of the foregoing data as you find relevant. 
Add whatever points seem essential to make a compelling ap- 
peal. 
4. Write a letter to farmers, selling them a tractor, a 
cream separator, a milking machine, an electric refrigerating 
plant, a harvesting machine, or some other farm implement. 
You can find relevant material in advertisements in farm 
magazines. With the letter, hand in a sheet describing the 
complete mailing, as to inclosures (number, kind, material 
contained), kind of postage, and so forth. 

5. Rewrite the following letters, making them more effec- 
tive in as many ways as you can. 


(1) 
Dear Sir: 


Flunk? You'll never flunk—not on the stiffest kind of a grade, if you’re 
driving the Earl Custom Roadster. 


Here is a custom-built car that is a regular fellow—a good sport—a 
dependable pal—a fast friend. 


A Charlie Paddock for speed, pep, and endurance—ace-high with the 
ladies: that’s the Earl Custom Roadster. 


Its husky, long-stroke motor gives you right of way—right away—and 
you're sitting pretty over the roughest roads. 


A wide choice of color in paint and upholstery. Five wire wheels, 
one-piece windshield, marine-type cowl ventilators, parking lights on 
fenders, a luggage compartment with ample room for golf clubs and 
week-end kit-bags. 


Before you buy a car, see the Earl Custom Roadster. Ride in it. Drive 
it—And ask the ‘“‘governor” to “step out” with you. 


Very truly yours, 
(2) 
Dear Doctor: 


The first successful attempt to supply the profession with a concentrated 
liquid magnesia, free from the many disadvantages that attend the use 






APPEALS TO SPECIAL CLASSES 251 


of magnesia in its solid form, was through the invention of Phillips’ 
Milk of Magnesia, over half a century ago. 


\Phillips’ is the original and has set the standard for Milk of Magnesia, 
‘so we may be permitted to suggest, that when Milk of Magnesia is 
prescribed, you will be sure to specify Phillips’, as imitations are often 
ineffective. 





Be good enough to fill out and mail the inclosed card, if samples are 
desired. 


Faithfully yours, 


(3) 
Dear Doctor Burton: 


‘The courteous interview you recently extended our representative is 
greatly appreciated by us. We hope that you were compensated for 
the time given the interview by learning something useful to you con- 
cerning our products. 


We trust that you will feel free to command us for such pharmaceutical 
information as you may think we can supply. We assure you that we 
should like to have you consider us at your service in this respect. 


‘The inclosed circular matter will, we hope, be of interest to you. 


Very truly yours, 


\(#) 
‘Gentlemen: 


If yours is the problem of getting more customers into your store, we 
know that we can interest you. 


We are after more business and want part of yours by deserving it. 


Frankly, the “Club Clothes” line is a profit-maker, and in its price 
ranges it is second to none, for it compares on every point of fabric, 
tailoring, and style with the more costly nationally advertised makes. 
Repeat orders prove our profit claims and today over 1400 shrewd, 
progressive retailers throughout the country favor and feature “Club 


Clothes.” 


Why not let us prove what we say? If you haven’t fully covered your 
wants for the spring, let us send you, for your examination, a set of 
suits which we wholesale at $19.50 to retail at $30, or a group at $22 
retailing at $35. 


‘The mere effort of returning the post card will bring these suits to you 
without the slightest obligation. Look them over carefully, giving them 


252 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 
the most critical inspection and we feel certain that you will quickly see 
the turnover and profit possibilities of the line. 
Will you mail the card today? 
Very truly yours, 
(5) 
Gentlemen: 
Why not have a box that’s different ? 


No necessity of going to a lot of expense for engravings when we have 
so many stock designs for your selection. 





By all means look over the attached folder. It shows how other stores 
are getting real advertising value from their suit boxes. 


Yours very truly, . 
(6) 
Gentlemen: 


Would you care if we sent you our new spring and summer line for 
examination ? 


We feel sure that you will like it immensely, for it is priced to rock 
bottom, and contains nothing but pure wool fabrics of the best quality. 


Give us a show. 


Sincerely yours, 





= 





CHAPTER VIII 
FOLLOW-UP SALES LETTERS 


When sales letters are used in series, they are called fol- 


low-up letters. 


Uses of the follow-up series.— The follow-up series is em- 


‘ployed (1) to follow up regular customers; (2) to follow up 


an occasional purchaser with the object of making him a regu- 
lar customer; (3) to stimulate inquiries; (4) to follow up 
such inquiries; (5) to follow up a list of prospects with the 
object of selling through letters alone; and (6) to do pioneer 
work specifically planned to prepare the prospect for the visit 
of a salesman. 

Repetition and variety in the follow-up series.—The prin- 
ciple underlying follow-up systems is that repetition wears 
down resistance and that variety of appeal keeps the pros- 
pect’s interest fresh. 

Repetition of the strongest selling points in letter after 
letter breaks down indifference. Variety in material and 
language arouses desire and establishes conviction. By pre- 
senting his product in various lights, the writer sooner or 
later hits upon an effective approach, and converts as many 
prospects as possible into buyers. The cumulative effect of 
skillful repetition and variety is almost irresistible when serv- 
ice, price, and quality are right. 


Types of Follow-Up Series. 


Three types are in common use: (1) the continuous 
series; (2) the wear-out series; (3) the campaign series. 


The Continuous Series. 


In the continuous series, letters are mailed at irregular in- 
tervals, season after season, and in the case of established cus- 
tomers, year after year. The units of this series are complete 
and independent of one another. Manufacturers, wholesalers, 

253 


254 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


jobbers, and retailers use timely follow-ups—monthly, sea- 
sonal, or annual—to develop good will and keep accounts 
active. Seasonal announcements appear in the form of per- 
suasive sales appeals, and timely offerings are presented in 
ways that show the advisability of taking prompt action in 
stocking goods. 

There is the ever-present danger that the style of the con- 
tinuous follow-up will degenerate into that of matter-of-fact 
announcements. Even when the letter is in the nature of a 
trade bulletin, appealing material expressed in vital language 
should be chosen. Every unit in the continuous follow-up 
should be treated as a sales letter. [he attention-getter is 
least important, for the letter is sent to customers who are 
interested, but the other qualities of the single sales letter 
should be incorporated. 


(1) A jogging letter from a publisher to a client. 


Advertising Manager, 
Toilet Requisites, 
New York, N. Y. 


Dear Sir: 
The hardship of handling a bunch of last-minute copy is known to every 


publisher. Some folks simply can’t get out of the habit of waiting until 
the last bell has rung—and after. 


Such delay means congestion in the composing room, hurried press work, 
poor printing. 

How sweet life would be if all your copy reached you within a com- 
fortable time limit! You’ve probably made that statement yourself 
hundreds of times. 


We have the same problem in getting out the Lord and Thomas Pocket 
Directory. Some of our good friends who have been as regular as the 
sun in their patronage, year after year, are sometimes negligent in 
helping us with early copy. This does make a tough job at closing time. 


This year I’m going to ask your co-operation. Send in your order now, 
with copy. If you want us to help you in the preparation, send a rough 
outline. We'll do the rest. But do not wait until “‘after the first of 
the year” or some other vague time. It will require no more effort to 
sign the order now and send in your copy, than it will a week before 
closing time. 
Today is the best time for mailing the inclosed order. 
Very truly yours, 





FOLLOW-UP SALES LETTERS 255 


(2) 

Dear Mrs. Babenroth: 

During the week beginning Monday, March 23, we are to have our 
Annual Spring Sale. ‘This is to be an event covering every department 
in the store, and will offer special values in the newest and most-in- 
demand spring merchandise. 

The little folder we are inclosing will tell you all about it, and with 
this we are extending to you, as one of our regular customers, a most 
cordial invitation to come and select the things you want on the three 
days before the sale; that is, on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, 
March 19, 20, and 21. These are our Courtesy Days and, upon your 
request, any salesperson will be glad to show or sell you the merchandise. 


While you are in the store, you will also have an excellent opportunity 
of looking over the splendid assortments of new spring merchandise we 
have assembled. You will no doubt find such a visit exceedingly inter- 
esting in many ways. 

We greatly appreciate your patronage, and hope you will find it con- 
venient to come to the store on the Courtesy Days we have mentioned. 


Sincerely yours, 
President. 


The Wear-out Series. 


The object of each unit in the wear-out series is to make 
the sale or secure the desired response. The writer proceeds 
with the aim of making each letter bring as many returns as 
possible from the mailing list. 

Length of the wear-out series:—The length of the wear- 
out series is not definitely planned. As long as the returns 
from letters are profitable, the company continues to use the 
mailing list. Each succeeding letter, by stressing a new talking 
point, or by restating the strongest sales appeal, brings in a 
profitable percentage of returns. When the small number of 
responses makes continued mailing unprofitable, the mailing 
list is worn out, and hence the name of the series. 

The mailing list—The wear-out series may be used to 
sell to any type of prospect. It includes letters to dealers 
and consumers. A local battery service station sends letters 
to owners of automobiles and radios, to induce them to have 
their batteries inspected, recharged, or repaired. A manu- 
facturer of store fixtures uses letters to sell dealers his store 


256 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


equipment. Mailing lists for these purposes may be purchased 
from agencies specializing in such lists. “They may be com- 
piled from trade directories, or trade journals, and from tele- 
phone directories. ‘The more carefully the list is compiled, the 
greater will be the number of returns. 

Timing the series.—The time interval between letters in 
the wear-out series may be short or long. Because each letter 
is designed to make the sale, the time between letters must be 
sufficiently long to permit a response, so that the next letter 
does not cross the prospect’s response. It is important to re- 
member this when mailings cover a large territory. When 
letters in the same mailing are sent to distant points as well 
as to neighboring cities, the distribution should be regionally 
planned. Thus, for example, a second letter mailed from New 
York to New England and Pennsylvania can be sent two or 
three days sooner than a letter to California. Allowance must 
be made for the fact that a response from the far West is days 
longer in transit than one from neighboring states. 

Linking the wear-out series.—Opening sentences should be 
as carefully planned as in single sales letters. Even when the 
opening sentence refers to a preceding letter—as it well may 
to emphasize a previous appeal or to establish intimate contact 
by linking the present letter with past letters—care should be 
exercised to make the link material at the same time attention- 
clinching. 

It is easy to spoil the tone of the whole letter if the opening 
is tactless or negative. The writer may be irritated because 
he has not received a response to previous letters, but the 
irritation must never be allowed to show. Negative openings 
antagonize the reader. The following opening sentences 
strike false notes. 


Plaintive tone: Dear Sir: We have written you two letters, and 
cannot understand why you do not reply. 


Blunt tone: Dear Madam: Didn’t you receive our recent letter? 
Don’t you appreciate the great saving our offer makes possible? 


Example of wear-out follow-up letters.—The following 
wear-out series brought good results. Units were mailed at 
irregular intervals. 

The series offers the student an excellent illustration of 
variety in appeals addressed to the same mailing list. The 


FOLLOW-UP SALES LETTERS 251 


list is, obviously, miscellaneous. Unity is maintained in the 
series by the fact that the appeal is based on the same book, 
but beyond this inevitable unifying element there is no connec- 
tion between letters. Each letter is a complete and indepen- 
dent unit, its purpose being to sell the book to the class to 
which the appeal is directed. ‘The resourcefulness of the sales 
_manager is patent not only in the convincing variety of appeals 
he has discovered, but also in his ability to adapt each appeal 
to the class the letter aims specifically to reach. ‘These letters 
are, therefore, at the same time good examples of the wear- 
out follow-up and of the class appeal. 

The first letter is directed to real estate men, the central 
sales appeal being that the book has been adopted by The 
National Association of Real Estate Boards. 

The second letter again appeals to real estate men, the cen- 
tral thought being that practical men prepared this book. 

These two letters apparently exhausted the possibilities, 
for the time at least, of selling to real estate men. 

The third letter, therefore, makes its appeal to lawyers, 
whose work often involves real estate problems. ‘The core- 
thought is: It took a lawyer to write this real estate book. In- 
directly the letter appeals again to real estate men. 

The fourth letter, directed to bankers, whose trust and 
will departments handle real estate problems, stresses the 
value of the book to bankers. The letter is built around the 
appeal: This is a banker’s book on real estate. 

The fifth letter shows builders that they can use this book, 
the central thought being: This is a book on real estate for 
the builder. 

The sixth letter appeals to architects. The book is pre- 
sented in the light of the architect’s interest in real estate prob- 
lems. It is an architect’s book not only because the architect 
is interested in real estate problems in general, but also be- 
cause his specific problems have been discussed in a special 
chapter. 


(1) 
Dear Sir: 


What an easy thing it would be if real estate could be bought and sold 
like collars. But real estate is complicated—every transaction involves 
many technicalities, The slightest slip, and immediately a future 





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258 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


advantage is lost. In recognition of these conditions, Philip A. Benson, 
former Secretary of the Realty Associates, and Nelson L. North, Jr., 
member of the New York Bar and lecturer on real estate, have written 
a manual—‘‘Real Estate Principles and Practices.”’ 


The book is for real estate men who would use every legitimate effort 
to make each transaction profitable to their client and to themselves. 


The National Association of Real Estate Boards in its endorsement 
says, ‘‘‘Real Estate Principles and Practices’ is a most comprehensive 
manual of Real Estate Service, and its timely merit is recognized with 
appreciation.” 

In this manual, the authorities cover real estate sales, brokerage, and 
ownership completely. Liens, bonds, taxes, and titles are but a few of 
many subjects covered in this volume. It explains and illustrates with 
actual examples: 


—ways to overcome difficulties in mortgage work. 
—best methods of renting and managing properties. 
—important, but seldom seen, details in title work. 
—8g9 real estate forms—each the best of its kind. 


As an indication of this book’s value, 277 actual real estate problems 
are solved. One of these may be identical with some problem now 
troubling you. The book tabulates the things which interested parties 
should produce upon the closing of a title—17 for seller, 23 for buyer. 


This five-dollar manual will be forwarded to you for five days’ FREE 
EXAMINATION if you will mail the enclosed card. After the 
examination, you may either remit or return the book without any 
further obligation. 


Yours very truly, 


(2) 
Dear Sir: 


The National Association of Real Estate Boards has just officially 
endorsed the mighty practical book known as “Real Estate Principles 
and Practices.” It was written by two experienced men, Philip Benson, 
Secretary of the Dime Savings Bank of Brooklyn, former Secretary of 
the Realty Associates, and Nelson L. North, Jr., member of the New 
York Bar. In case you haven’t seen the book as yet, I believe it will 
be of special interest to you for it is up-to-date, thorough, and practical. 


It has a very thorough chapter on Bonds and Mortgages, which deals 
with the forms of bonds, the default clause, execution of bond, enforce- 
ment of bond, forms of mortgage, the lifting clause, and other special 
clauses, as well as special forms of mortgages. 


FOLLOW-UP SALES LETTERS 299 


The book clearly explains and illustrates the method of valuating real 
estate, taking into consideration both pre-war and present costs. 


The chapter on Transfer and Examination of Title and Title Insurance 

is likewise full of helpful information, and the section devoted to Mort- 

gage Loans compares them with other investments. It also discusses 
and illustrates the principle of sound mortgage lending. 


In addition, the book reprints practically EVERY FORM used in 
real estate work—forms of contract for sale or exchange, deeds and 

-mortgage forms, assignments, satisfaction pieces, and subordination agree- 
ments are shown and explained. All in all, this book is packed with 
an unusual amount of important data, presented clearly, logically, and 
interestingly. 
The book must be a mighty good one if the National Association will 
endorse it. Its cost is only $5, and we shall be glad to send you a copy 
for five days’ Free Examination if you will mail the enclosed stamped 
catd. This will bring you the book without cost or obligation, promptly. 


Yours very truly, 





(3) 
Dear Sir: 
Real estate matters no doubt occupy a generous portion of your t.me. 


As an attorney you probably are constantly dealing with questions 
involving the leasing, purchase, sale, and mortgaging of real estate. Can 
you look at these deals from the viewpoint of the real estate operator ind 
the home-builder? Or do you consider only the legal side? 


Possibly the legal side is the only one with which you are really con- 
cerned—but wouldn’t a more complete acquaintance with other ways 
of looking at the situation be of help? 


In “Real Estate Principles and Practices’? we have published a book 
which covers the entire subject. Written by Nelson L. North, Jr., a 
member of the New York Bar, in collaboration with Philip A. Benson, 
former Secretary of the Realty Associates, it presents both the lawyer’s 
views and those of the practical real estate man. 


This book clearly explains methods of valuating real estate, title irsur- 
ance, practical operations of the Torrens Law, and the principles back 
of sound mortgage lending. Practically every form ever used in real 
estate work is reproduced—contracts for sale or exchange, assignments, 
satisfaction pieces, subordination agreements, and so forth. 


The National Association of Real Estate Boards has officially endorsed 
this helpful book. Lawyers all over the country have added it to their 
libraries and find it a most valuable reference work. 


Its cost is only $5, and we shall be glad to send you a copy for five days’ 


260 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Free Examination as soon as you return the enclosed stamped card. This 
will bring the book promptly—without cost or obligation. 


Yours very truly, 
(4) 
Dear Sir: 


Outside of the usual routine of the bank’s own work, what business 
activity engages your attention most? Isn’t it real estate? Don’t you 
have to devote more time to problems involving the purchase, sale, and 
transfer of real estate and mortgages than to any other type of com- 
mercial transaction ? 


“Real Estate Principles and Practices,” a book we have recently pub- 
lished, gives you a thorough insight into every branch of the business. 
Philip A. Benson, one of the authors, now Secretary of the Dime Savings 
Bank of Brooklyn, was formerly Secretary of the Realty Associates. 


He writes with a thorough understanding of the banker’s attitude on 
the subjects in which he is most vitally concerned, but he is able to 
present the viewpoint of the real estate operator and the home-seeker 
as well. Nelson L. North, Jr., a well-known New York lawyer, has 
covered the legal side of the business in a clear, concise, straightforward 
manner. 


This book contains valuable pointers for the banker on Bonds and 
Mortgages, on the Valuation of Real Estate and the Manage- 
ment of Property. It is already in the libraries of many banks 
where its practical suggestions have been of the greatest aid to 
bank officers. 


One particularly valuable feature is the reproduction of nearly a hundred 
forms used in realty work—liens, options, mortgages, deeds, acknowl- 
edgments, building loan agreements, and so forth. The National Asso- 
ciation of Real Estate Boards has given its Official Endorsement to this 
book. 


The book costs only $5, and we shall be glad to let you examine a copy 
without cost or obligation. “The card enclosed, already stamped for 
your convenience, will bring a copy for five days’ Free Examination. If 
you want to keep it, you may send your check. Otherwise you may 
return it without further obligation. ‘The card will bring a copy by 
return mail. 

Yours very truly, 


(5) 
Dear Sir: 


Building operations are so closely allied with real estate transactions 
that it is sometimes hard to draw a dividing line. That’s why you will 


FOLLOW-UP SALES LETTERS 261 


be interested in a book we have just published—‘‘Real Estate Prin- 
ciples and Practices.” 


This book goes into every detail of the real estate business. It tells its 
story in a clear and straightforward manner. It is free from technicali- 
ties and cumbersome legal terms. ‘The authors are Philip A. Benson, 
Secretary of the Dime Savings Bank in Brooklyn, formerly Secretary of 
the Realty Associates, and N. L. North, Jr., a New York lawyer who 
has an extensive realty practice. 


The National Association of Real Estate Boards has officially endorsed 
this book. It is undoubtedly the most complete and thorough discus- 
sion of the subject ever written. It has helpful chapters on Brokerage, 
Management of Property, and on Bonds and Mortgages. 


The chapter on liens by the builder and by sub-contractors will certainly 
interest you, for in no other place will you find this subject so com- 
petently covered in so little space. Contracts, leases, examination and 
closing of titles are fully described. 


In addition, every form and document that is used in real estate 
procedure is reprinted in a special section—nearly a hundred 
forms including liens, notices of liens, and subordination 
agreements. 


We will send you this useful book, postpaid, for five days’ Free Exam- 
ination. Look it over yourself. If you want to keep it, you can remit 
the cost, $5, as payment in full. Otherwise you can return it Without 
Cost or Obligation. The enclosed stamped card will bring a copy 
(without cost or obligation to you) by return mail. 


Yours very truly, 
(6) 
Dear Sir: 


Because of your constant contact with the real estate field, you will be 
interested in a new book we have just published—‘‘Real Estate Prin- 
ciples and Practices.”” ‘The authors are Philip A. Benson, Secretary of 
the Dime Savings Bank of Brooklyn, and formerly Secretary of the 
Realty Associates, and Nelson L. North, Jr., a New York lawyer with 
an extensive realty practice. 


This book covers every angle of the real estate business in a clear, inter- 
esting manner, free from technicalities and cumbersome legal terms. 
You will find in its pages a full explanation of all the principles govern- 
‘ing real estate transactions. 


One chapter deals specifically with the work of the architect. Others 
explain Brokerage, Management of Property, Bonds and Mortgages. 
The National Association of Real Estate Boards has officially endorsed 


262 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


this book and it is certainly the most comprehensive work on the subject 
ever prepared. 


In order that you may see for yourself how helpful this book will be, 
we shall be glad to send it postpaid for five days’ Free Examination. 
If you want to keep it, you can remit the cost, $5—otherwise you may 
return it Without Cost or Obligation. The enclosed stamped card will 
bring the book by return mail. 


Yours very truly, 


The Campaign Series. 


The importance of plan—The campaign follow-up is used 
mainly to market high-priced merchandise or service. It dif- 
fers from the continuous and the wear-out series in being defi- 
nitely planned and completely prepared in advance of the first 
mailing. The number of letters in the series, the time be- 
tween mailings, and thus the total elapsed time, are deter- 
mined in advance. In fact, in the campaign system the plan 
is at least as important as the individual letters. Each unit 
has its assigned place in a series leading with cumulative effect 
to a climax—the favorable response. | 

The number of letters in the campaign—The number of 
units in the campaign series is conditioned by the purpose of 
the campaign, the price of the article, the margin of profit, and 
the mailing list. 

The purpose of the campaign.—Not all campaigns are de- 
signed to accomplish the same purpose. To distribute the 
letter material to the best advantage, the writer must know 
the goal of the campaign. 

Is the purpose to stimulate inquiries? Then every detail 
should be focused to assure a maximum number of inquiries 
from desirable prospects. 

Is the campaign to prepare the way for a salesman’s call? 
Then the campaign must be shaped to assure the salesman a 
favorable hearing. 

Is the campaign to sell direct by mail? The problem is 
to determine whether the article or service can be sold by let- 
ters alone, and if so, whether it can be sold profitably. If it 
can, the material must be pointed so that the letter can do the 
work of a salesman. It is, for example, not easy to sell life 
insurance direct by mail. 


FOLLOW-UP SALES LETTERS 263 


| The price of the article-—The effective follow-up cam- 
-paign demands expert knowledge, shrewd planning, and a 
substantial investment. It is important, therefore, to know at 
the outset whether the article or service can be marketed with 
-a margin of profit that justifies the expenditure. 
| It probably would not be profitable to attempt a series of 
three or four one-page letters to sell a book costing three dol- 
lars or less. 
A series of eight two-page letters, with attractive inclo- 
‘sures, is profitable in selling a set of books costing one hundred 
dollars. 
To develop new business, a bank may use a series of three 
letters or a series of eight letters, the number depending upon 
the kind of business to be developed. A series of eight is too 
expensive if the aim is to interest parents in savings accounts 
for their children, where deposits are small. Such a series, 
however, is profitable in soliciting the accounts of business 
houses, or in developing business in the foreign department, 
where large accounts prevail. 

When the article is new on the market, and therefore un- 
familiar, or when the methods of marketing are unusual, the 
series needs to be long to overcome sales resistance. Most 
people, for example, buy life insurance through a local agent. 
If, therefore, the purpose is to sell life insurance direct by 
mail, with a distant city as a base, the campaign must be ex- 
tended, not merely in the total number of units, but likewise 
in the length of the individual units, in order to win the conf- 
dence of prospects. 

The mailing list.—A campaign carefully planned in other 
respects will fail if the mailing list has not received adequate 
attention. A good letter cannot be effective if the mailing 
list does not contain live prospects of the kind demanded 
by the purpose of the campaign. The list must be kept up to 
date. 

Frequency of appeal has a direct bearing upon the success 
of the campaign. It is well known that a mailing list is valu- 
able in proportion to the difficulty with which it is obtained. 
Thus it is not difficult to secure lists of dealers, physicians, en- 
gineers, teachers, and the like. Their names and addresses 
appear annually in mercantile directories, faculty lists, and 
membership lists of medical and engineering societies. Being 


264 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


subject to frequent sales appeals from a wide variety of sources, 
these prospects are not likely to respond to a short series. | 
Perhaps the most valuable mailing list is the one based on 
inquiries made in response to some form of advertising. It 
is a mistake, however, to assume that every inquiry repre- 
sents genuine interest, and that the buying impulse is strong 
in each instance. The value of an inquiry list depends upon 
the kind of advertising. Those inquiries, for instance, re- 
sulting from advertising directed exclusively to executives, or 
to housewives in a well-defined buying class, are more valuable 
than those produced by advertising not specifically directed 
to a restricted class whose need for the article is obvious. 
Nevertheless, the latter group contains a relatively high num- 
ber of live prospects. Even with such a mailing list, the writer 
can proceed in the confidence that his letters will receive at- 
tention. Experience approves the sound judgment that the 
man who is interested enough to respond to an advertising lead 
is worth a long series of letters. | 
The length of campaign letters.—The class of prospects 
influences not only the number and kind, but also the length, 
of letters in the campaign follow-up. ‘This is especially true 
when the mailing list is not based on inquiries solicited in ad- 
vertisements. Upon the care with which the writer can adjust 
his appeal depends the success of the campaign, measured in 
terms of profits. To determine upon the suitable approach, 
he analyzes the mailing list. If he is to sell a check protector 
to a list of prosperous business men, who realize the need of 
check protectors, three or four crisp one-page letters are suffi- 
cient. If he is to sell a cream separator to farmers, where a 
longer series is necessary, for the farmer is slow in coming to 
a decision, a series of six or eight two-page letters is advisable. 
The amount of detailed evidence required for a given prospect 
determines the length of the units in the campaign series. ; 
' The structure of campaign letters.—In the campaign fol- 
low-up, each letter does not perform the four functions of the 
complete sales appeal. In the plan of the individual letter, 
great flexibility i is allowed, with the possibility of many varied 
arrangements in the distribution of material. With regard for 
the four functions of the sales appeal, a typical series of six 
follow-up letters may be planned as follows. ‘The first letter 
secures attention and arouses interest. ‘The second and third — 





FOLLOW-UP SALES LETTERS 265 


letters create desire. The fourth and fifth letters establish 
‘conviction. The sixth letter sums up or points the series, and 
‘stimulates action. 

_ The foregoing divisions call attention to the main function 
of each unit. It is not possible to insist too precisely upon an 
absolute division of the work to be done by each letter. It is 
not advisable, for example, to drop interest after the first 
letter, for it is obvious that each succeeding letter must hold 
‘the interest of the reader at the same time that it performs 
its chief function of creating desire, establishing conviction, 
and stimulating action. 

It is, likewise, not good strategy to wait until the last let- 
ter before making an attempt to stimulate action. The reader 
may be ready to act before the last unit is reached. To post- 
pone the stimulus until the last letter is, therefore, to miss an 
opportunity to make the sale. The urge, however, does not 
reach its most positive form—the climax of the appeal to 
action—before the last letter, however long the series. 

Division of selling points can be observed, in practice, only 
to the extent that a certain step in the sales approach is 
stressed, but not to the complete exclusion of other functions. 
So, for example, in the letters creating desire, the appeal to 
interest and the stimulus to action are not neglected, but they 
are subordinated to the central appeal. This means that 
interest and action are, in these letters, of relatively less im- 
portance than creation of desire. 

Reference to inclosures.—Inclosures are practically indis- 
pensable in the campaign follow-up. The ‘Encyclopedia Bri- 
tannica’’ campaign, for example, contains elaborate printed 
material of specimen pages, illustrations (in color) of bind- 
ings, colored pictures of the bookshelf offered as a premium, 
and so forth. For the proper articulation of letter text and 
inclosures, see page 181. 

Example of a short campaign follow-up.—The following 
campaign letters used by The Standard Heater Company were 
mailed to prospects whose names had been secured by means 
of advertising, chiefly in newspapers. The Standard Heater 
Company reports good results from this series. When the 
first three letters did not stimulate a response, the President’s 
letter (the fourth) almost invariably did. 

The quiet, unobtrusive tone is suited to the high grade of 


266 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


the heater. The central selling appeal of each letter is clearly 
defined. The endings are good. ‘The campaign as an organic 
unit is well planned, each letter fitting into its assigned place. 
Observe how the third letter stresses the talking points of the 
previous letters, and how the fourth letter is designed to make 
a strong close. In letters like these, where the inquiry of 
the prospect, in response to advertising, insures attention, no 
space is wasted in establishing contact. The principle of repe- 
tition and variety is observed in this series. ) 


(1) 
Dear Sir: 


We appreciate your inquiry and welcome this opportunity to acquaint 
you more fully with Spencer Heaters. 


No doubt you already know of them in a general way, for Spencers 
have been in use for the past quarter of a century. During that time 
there have been several improvements and refinements in design and 
operation, but no changes in the principle which has been so successful 
from the first. 


The number of Spencer installations has reached a total of more than 
30,000. As these include every type of building, from small and large 
residences to large apartment houses and industrial plants, the adaptabil- 
ity of Spencer Heaters has been demonstrated as thoroughly as their 
efficiency and economy. 


We are inclosing a folder which suggests this wide range of usefulness 
and briefly explains the great coal economy and convenience of the 
Spencer. 


We desire to serve you in any way we can. 


A return post card is inclosed. If you will mail this card, indicating 
the type of building in which you are interested, we shall be glad to 
send you more complete information bearing directly upon your problems. 


Yours very truly, 


(2) 
Dear Sir: 


When you invest in stocks or bonds, you receive a return in cash in the 
form of dividends or interest. Building or buying a house or other 
property involves a similar capital investment, from which you should 
also expect to receive a proper return. 


FOLLOW-UP SALES LETTERS 267 


. 


‘The heating system is one of the important parts of your building 
investment, yet about all the return you can expect through the installa- 
tion of an ordinary type of heater is reasonable warmth and comfort. 


; : 
The Spencer Heater warrants more than usual consideration, for the 


‘reason that its construction, design, and principle of operation assure 
‘not only greater comfort and satisfaction, but also cash dividends in 
‘reduced coal costs of from $4.00 to $7.00 the ton—the difference in 
‘price between No. 1 Buckwheat, which is always plentiful, and the 
larger domestic sizes, the supply of which is limited. 


‘The Spencer is designed particularly to burn No. 1 Buckwheat. No 
‘more tons are necessary than the ordinary type of heater requires of 
‘the high-priced grades of anthracite. 


‘A Spencer Heater, installed, not only insures a continuous saving in 
‘the expense of operating your heating plant, amounting in a few years 
‘to the cost of the heater, but also adds to the market value of your 
property. 

Tf you desire further particulars, we shall be glad to furnish them. 


Very truly yours, 


(3) 
Dear Sir: 


‘There is more to be considered than the saving of $4.00 to $7.00 the 
ton by burning No. 1 Buckwheat coal in a Spencer Magazine Feed 
Heater. 


‘This dollars-and-cents saving is so tangible and easily understood that 
the advantages of convenience and comfort, through the use of a Spencer, 
although of equal importance, are likely to be overlooked. 


‘The ordinary type of heater (burning the high-priced grades of anthra- 
cite), to be efficient, requires frequent coaling, with a consequent 
checking of the fire. With a Spencer there is no checking because the 
coal feeds by gravity from the magazine as needed for the fire. Atten- 
‘tion to the heater is necessary but twice a day, morning and night, in 
| cold weather—and once a day in mild weather. 


There are no “ups or downs” with a Spencer fire, the constant feeding 
of coal insuring a uniform and steady heat. Consequently no “downs 
and ups” for heater attention are necessary during the day in order to 
‘maintain a comfortable and constant temperature. 


By every count—lowest coal cost, least attention, greatest comfort and 
convenience—the Spencer Magazine Feed Heater will most efficiently 
-and consistently fill your heating requirements. 


Yours very truly, 


(4) 

Dear Sir: 

Our Sales Manager tells me that in response to your inquiry of 
September 9 you have been furnished with information covering the 
advantages of Spencer Heaters, in the matter of economy, convenience, 
and comfort. 


268 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 
| 
| 


A Spencer owner recently remarked to me that he could not understand 
how anyone in need of a heater, and with full particulars, could afford 
not to install a Spencer. 

I am, therefore, not content to presume that we have done everything 
we can to serve you, and I ask that you write me personally whether or 
not you desire any further information from us at this time. 


Your interest in our product is appreciated and I want to be sure that 
you have received all the attention and facts you wish. 
A response at your convenience would be greatly appreciated. 
i Very truly yours, 
(signed ) 
President 


Exercises in Follow-up Sales Letters. 


Exercises for Analysis and Revision. 


iy 


Analyze the following examples of follow-up letters for 
structure, language, and purpose. Suggest improvements, in 
each case testing your suggestion by rewriting the unsatisfac- 
tory sentence, paragraph, or letter as a whole. 


(1) 
Dear Mr. Babthorne: 


In keeping with our custom, we take pleasure in giving you, an old 
patron, advance notice of our Semi-Annual 15% Discount Sale of 
Stylebilt Clothes, which will begin on July 5. As you know, this event 
happens only twice a year—January and July. 


Our half-yearly discount sale has become an institution, and is eagerly 
awaited by hundreds of prudent buyers. ‘This year it means more than 
ever, because of the decidedly lower price of Stylebilt Clothes prevailing 
this season. 


The discount of 15%, from our regular Maker-to-Wearer prices, is 
dictated by public policy, not private need. It is a discount, not a 





~~ 





FOLLOW-UP SALES LETTERS 269 


reduction. No price is changed. What it was yesterday it is today, 


and will be in the future. We have simply increased your buying power 


by 15% for the brief period of the sale. This applies to the entire 
stock, excepting, of course, tropical weights. 


Remember, Mr. Babthorne, that the early buyer gets the best selection— 


' also that you won’t have another chance this year. 


Welll be glad to have you call. 
Cordially yours, 


(2) 


| Dear Sir: 


Do you know that the Spring-Eez you are selling is one of the best 
sellers during the winter months, and that the colder the climate, the 


| easier it is to market? 


Spring-Eez, the decidedly different oil, in addition to being instantly 
effective wherever rust either retards or prevents mechanical motion, is 
not affected by cold, does not thicken or congeal in winter, and has the 
peculiar faculty of dissolving itself into any other oil or grease, adding 
its lubricating value thereto and making the lubricant to which it is 
added also unaffected by low temperature. 


The injection of one pint of Spring-Eez into any transmission will make 


the oil or grease flow freely, increase the lubricating quality, and make it 


easy to shift gears during the coldest weather. A half pint in the 
average differential likewise insures thorough lubrication. 


The fact that Spring-Eez will not gum at any season when used in a 


Ford timer is also important, and should be mentioned along with its 


other uses. 


Prove what we say on your own car, and then tell your customers. 
Why not get this business? 


_Spring-Eez is an honest product well worthy of your best sales efforts. 
Why not take our suggestions? ‘Tell your trade about its winter uses 


and see the result. 
Yours very truly, 


(3) 


_ Dear Sir: 


Only twenty-five more shopping days before Christmas. 


‘That means you must get your Christmas stock into your store. After 


Thanksgiving the real buying rush begins. 


In the attached inclosure, read about Westinghouse advertising con- 
ducted in your local newspapers. It is building up a demand for 
_ Westinghouse goods that will send buyers to you if you are ready. 


270 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Get ready. Get your stock of Westinghouse appliances. Get the free 
advertising matter to let people know you sell the line. Then you will 
be a part of the greatest electrical heating device campaign the district 
has ever seen. 


The order blank will help you order. Just fill it out and return it to us. 
Very truly yours, 


(4) 
Dear Sir: 


There is no telling what prices will eR, before the winter is over, 
but I do know the following: 


1. That you haven’t sent me the order for your next lot of collection 
envelopes. 

2. ‘That if you fill in and return the inclosed order blank, I can save 
you money. You will, furthermore, avoid confusion resulting 
from late arrival, as I shall arrange to deliver the envelopes in 
ample time for your needs. 

3. That envelopes of Church-Budget quality have never before bea 
offered at a discount of one-third during the autumn months. 
This price is lower than operating costs warrant, but I am deter- 
mined to give you good value. 


It is not necessary to pay for the envelopes immediately. Orders 
received now will be delivered promptly, and you may pay thirty days 
after the envelopes are put into use. 

We ask no advance payment. You may send your order now and still 
earn five per cent on your money. 


Mail your order today. 
Yours very truly, 


(5) 
Gentlemen: 


A friend—but also a buyer, mind you—said to me: “If you cannot get 
a premium of fifty cents the hundred pounds for Purity Brand Phos- 
phate, then you are not a salesman.” 


He showed me how Purity Phosphate looks when slicked up alongsi 
of other products. ‘Then we wet the samples and let them dry, and 
the color comparison was all the more in our favor. 


We inclose a small sample and should like to have you compare it for 
color with anything whatever. We shall be glad to send a larger 
sample if desired, to show how pure, strong, and uniform it is. 


FOLLOW-UP SALES LETTERS 271 


The inclosure outlines our proposition. We shall hold this offer open 
one week for your acceptance Why not let us send you a shipment? 
‘Many others have, and we have received the nicest letters you ever read. 






If you order now, you are sure to become not only a customer but also 
a booster for Purity Brand Phosphate as a product that is all its name 
implies. 

| Sincerely yours, 


(6) 
Gentlemen: 


Recently we sent you a sample of Purity Brand Phosphate. Can you 
find anything, anywhere, to match it for color? 


‘Perhaps you feel that a cheaper and poorer colored phosphate, even if it 
does contain some free acid, will answer your purposes. Yet the small 
extra sum you pay for Purity Phosphate is insurance that you are giving 
your customer the best product that money can buy, which means that 
‘every time you make a sale you make a friend, and a permanent cus- 
tomer for your goods. 


Ts not this in itself worth the slight extra cost? 
‘May we have a reply telling us of your experience with the sample? 


Sincerely yours, 


(7) 
Dear Madam: 


Perhaps I haven’t heard from you because I have not kept in closer 
touch with your interest in our puppies. So, just before our rush season 
begins, I am making you a very special offer, a male puppy for $35, and 
a female puppy for $25. 

For expediency I am having my stenographer duplicate this letter, but 
remember I am right here to give your wishes my best personal attention. 
If you really want a good police dog, this is your opportunity to get one 
of the best at less than half our regular price. 

The number of puppies offered at this price is limited, and I suggest 
that you telegraph for a reservation, so as to have the best choice, and 
follow with your confirmation by mail. 


Descriptions of older and partly trained puppies will be cheerfully sent 
upon request. 


Very sincerely yours, 


(8) The four following letters were mailed as part of a 
campaign series (other mailings consisting of folders and 


272 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


broadsides). At the top of each letter is a strip of six pictures 
of paint store activities. A brief testimonial from an Acme 
dealer is quoted at the foot of each letter. 


(a) 
Dear Sir: 


From Maine to California—from Florida to Washington, the story is 
the same. 


In thousands of towns the country over, the six scenes you see pictured 

here are realized right now—today. 

What is the secret of the success of Acme Quality agents? 

Simply this: 
The handling of high-quality dependable merchandise. 
The value of a nationally known trade-marked “‘leader” in each line. 
The importance of stocking lines which, through the work on part 
of the manufacturer, are favorably known in the community. 
A live, strong sales policy by the manufacturer that will enable the 
retail merchant to sell goods with the minimum of effort at a satis- 
factory profit. 


The Acme Quality Plan of Paint Merchandising is strictly a profit 
plan. It meets the foregoing principles to the letter. 


Let us tell you all about “The Plan’”—no obligations, of course. Just 
use the inclosed card. 


Yours for a big paint business, 


(testimonial ) 


(d) 
Dear Sir: 
How much rent do you get from your show windows? 


Paints and varnishes are largely sold through suggestion. That is why 
every Acme Quality Agent uses the numerous window displays we send 
to every agent during the paint-selling season. 


The Acme Quality window displays are made for one purpose—to sell 
paint. Each one tells a real paint story. Each one gets its message over 
quickly and effectively. 


With our advertising campaign working for you and with our window 
displays in your windows to tell people that you stock the goods they 
are seeing advertised, there is no reason why you cannot make a big 
success of your paint department. 


FOLLOW-UP SALES LETTERS 273 


Thousands of other progressive dealers, all over the country, are doing 
a real paint business with ““The Acme Quality Plan of Paint Mer- 
chandising.” 

There is no obligation on your part, but it will pay you to hear the story 
of ‘The Plan.” Just use the inclosed card. 


Yours for a big business, 
(testimonial ) 


(c) 
Dear Sir: 


It is not how much we can sell you, but how much we can sell for you, 
that counts with us. 


You know that there is a lot of extra business waiting for you, if you 
will just go out for it. 

Here is where the Acme Quality representative comes in. He is trained 
to go out into the highways and byways and get orders. 


‘These orders he turns over to you to fill at your regular prices. Results 
—extra business for you, and a nice additional profit. 


The Sellman Hardware Company of Greenville, Ohio, can tell you 
how our representative sold $2,371 worth of paint in two weeks by 
calling on consumers. 


“The Acme Quality Plan of Paint Merchandising” is the most complete 
sales-building and profit-increasing plan there is. 


“The Plan” embraces merchandising features that, when applied, cannot 
fail to sell goods for you: 


You owe it to your business to hear about ‘“The Plan.” ‘The inclosed 
card is the first step—no obligation on your part. 


Yours for a big business, 


P.S. “Our store, in handling the Acme Quality line of paints and 
finishes, has become paint headquarters in our town, mainly because of 
a complete line, quality goods, advertising system, and local co-opera- 
tion. Some of our specialties have a turnover of ten times. Every 
year our paint business makes a nice increased profit for us.”—The 
Robertson-Parris Company, Glendenin, W. Va. 


(2) 


Dear Sir: 


If the retailer makes money—so do we. 


This statement is sprinkled liberally through the instruction book we 
give our salesmen. 


274 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


If you, by means of The Acme Quality Plan of Paint Merchandising, 
can increase your paint department profits two, three, or five hundred 
per cent in a few years (many have done it)—that means more profit 
to us. | 


That’s why every part of “The Plan” is focused on you, the dealer. 


That’s why 


Acme Quality National Advertising in Magazines 

Acme Quality Direct-mail Advertising in Your Own Name 

Acme Quality Displays for Your Show Windows and Store 

Acme Quality Salesmen’s Personal Co-operation 
are directed into one channel—to help you get more volume and profits 
out of your paint department. 
You have been recommended to us as the most progressive merchant in 
your locality. Therefore The Acme Quality Plan of Paint Merchandis- 
ing will appeal to you. 
Let us tell you about “The Plan’”—no obligation, of course. It will 
pay you to return the inclosed card. 


Yours for a big business, 


(testimonial ) 


(e) This letter is typed on the standard eight by eleven 
sheet. ‘Three circles down the left margin contain three talk- 
ing points: (1) Consumer Work. (2) Store Service. (3) 
Educational Work. A questionnaire is reproduced on the 
back of the sheet, with fill-ins from one of the prosperous 
dealers. 


Dear Sir: 


In the last few weeks we've told you by letter a few facts about the 
Acme Quality Agency. Here is what we offer you. 


Paints and Varnishes known the world over to stand for quality. 


Our co-operation to help you sell them and increase your paint and 
varnish business. 


Now, Mr. Merchant, we are going to establish an agent in your town. 
Our advertising has already created a demand for Acme Quality Paints 
and Varnishes, and we are ready to help you make this demand bigget 
with our direct advertising to the home-owner and housewife. 


You are in business to make money. Can you afford to pass up a live 


| 
FOLLOW-UP SALES LETTERS 275 


| 


selling plan like The Acme Quality Agency,-and let one of your com- 
-petitors get it? Remember, we are offering it to you first. 





May we have your answer on the inclosed post card? 


Yours for more paint business, 


The Acme White Lead and Color Works, Detroit, Michi- 
gan, secured one hundred new dealers in one month through 
this campaign. 

(9) Can you determine the position of this letter in the 
follow-up used by the Burroughs Adding Machine Company? 
Compare the letter on page 231. Is the appeal in the fol- 
lowing letter stronger? Why? 


Dear Sir: 


During the past few weeks we have told you something of the Bur- 
roughs Adding Machine and how business men in all lines of trade are 
using it to make their business more profitable. 


The testimonials you have read are typical of thousands of others from 
all parts of the country. Most of these Burroughs users tested the 
machine on their own work before buying. “They found that the 
Burroughs more than paid for itself in errors prevented and time saved. 
You, too, are welcome to try this machine for fifteen days on your own 
work, absolutely without cost to you. You will be under no obligation 
to buy. Just give the machine a fair trial, on every kind of figure work 
you have. 


Remember, the cash price is only $125, but if you buy the machine on 


deferred payments you need pay us only $12.50 down, and the balance 
in easy monthly payments. 


Do not delay longer. Mail us the coupon now, and we'll see that you 
get a machine promptly. 


Very truly yours, 


IT 


Criticize and then rewrite (or prepare a new series to 
take the place of) the following series of follow-ups. They 
were used by a large corporation (manufacturing silverware) 
to follow up inquiries. Improve for correctness and concrete- 
ness. 


276 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 
(4-2) Fifteen days after A-1. 
Gentlemen: 


On March 6 we had the pleasure of answering your communication of 
March 4, submitting quotations on various items requested by you. 


Up to the present writing we have not heard from you and are writing 
to ascertain if any decision has been made. 


If we can be of any further assistance by sending additional informa- 
tion or samples, we would consider it a favor to have you call on us. 


Yours very truly, 


(A-2) Fifteen days after A-1. 
Gentlemen: 
Has our letter of March 6 been overlooked ? 


Our quotations were forwarded some time ago and as we have not been 
favored with your valued order, we again bring this matter to your 
attention for immediate consideration. If you are still interested in the 
purchase of the equipment quoted upon, kindly write us. 


If we can be of further assistance or send samples from our large and 
varied line which might assist you in deciding, word from you as to 
just how we can aid you will be appreciated. 


Awaiting your reply with interest, we remain, 


Yours very truly, 


(4-3) 
Gentlemen: 


Your request for prices on our line of hollow ware was promptly 
answered by our quotations of March 6. At the time of your writing 
us you were evidently in the market and we desire to be of service to 
you. As your valued order was not received it has therefore been 
brought to the writer’s attention. 


If our quotations did not cover your requirements, write us at this time, 
giving us a better understanding of your needs. We are confident we 
can meet your requirements with the large and varied assortment of 
designs and qualities which are manufactured by us. Can we be of any 
further assistance to you in helping you or your customer to reach a 
decision? 


Yours very truly, 


FOLLOW-UP SALES LETTERS 277 
(4-4) 


Gentlemen: 


Since writing you on March 6 in regard to silver equipment for your 
hotel, we have not received the list of items covering your requirements 
for estimate. 


We are writing you at this time as we wish to assure you of an oppor- 
tunity to bid on your silverware equipment, and to learn how we can 
best serve you in furnishing flatware and hollow ware. We can offer 
various qualities which would give satisfactory service at a reasonable 
price, thus reducing the average cost for you to a minimum. 


Please send us your list and quotations, samples, etc., will be furnished 
promptly. If necessary a special hotel representative will be pleased to 
call upon your request. 


We await an opportunity to serve you and remain, 


Yours very truly, 


(B-1) To follow up hotel prospects. 
Gentlemen: 


Since writing you on October 10 we have not received your list of 
silverware you will require for your new hotel. 


We offer you the benefit of our long experience in furnishing equip- 
ments, such as you will need, and if you will forward us your plans of 
seating arrangements will be pleased to furnish you with a net estimate 
and suggestions of your possible requirements. 


Permit us to suggest that you place your order early, to be delivered at 
the time you especially desire it. 


Kindly let us hear from you or if you prefer our special hotel repre- 
sentative will call to discuss details with you. 


Yours very truly, 


(B-2) 
Gentlemen: 


In acknowledgment of your inquiry of October 8 we quoted and sent 
photo sheets, offering samples to assist you in making your selection. 
Not hearing from you we are in doubt whether or not your order has 
been placed and dislike the idea of filing away your inquiry unless we 
are sure your wants have been supplied. 


Kindly write us if there is anything further we can do to assist you. If 
you have finished with the photosheets sent, would appreciate the return 


278 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


of them as they are part. of a complete set. Should you need them at 
any future time, will be glad to loan them again. | 


Awaiting your further inquiries, we remain 
Yours very truly, 


(B-3) 

Gentlemen: 

Several letters we have written do not appear to have been answered, 
all of which were in answer to your inquiry of October 8 for quotations 
on silverware for your hotel. As we wish to extend to you satisfactory 
service, will you kindly advise if you are supplied with the prices and 
information you desire? If any additional samples will assist, please do 
not hesitate to call on us for the fullest co-operation. 


Awaiting your further favors, we are 
Yours very truly, 


(B-4) 

Gentlemen: 

We would have been very pleased to be of service to you, but as our 
recent letters of inquiry do not appear to have been answered, we are 
filing your correspondence for future reference with regret. 

When you are again in the market for silverware, may we receive your 
valued inquiries? Kindly write us and our best efforts will be extended 
to serve you. 


Yours very truly, 


ITI 


Analyze the Straus campaign series reprinted below. 
(1) Draw up a list of the essential qualities for the campaign 
follow-up, and show how each of these qualities is illustrated 
in the Straus follow-up. (2) Is the principle of repetition and 
variety well observed? Indicate how. (3) State the central 
thought of each letter in a sentence. (4) What device is used 
to make the letter seem individual? Is it effective? (5) Does 
the series come to a strong close? (6) Is there a good reason 
for mailing these letters in the dated order? Why not mail 
such a series in July, August, and September? Justify the 
position of each unit in the series. Each letter, on a 
seven by eleven sheet, is signed by the president of the 
company. 





FOLLOW-UP SALES LETTERS 279 


(1) October 31. 
Dear Doctor Babthorne: 


Have you ever stopped to consider the particular advantages that you 
may derive from investing in first mortgage real estate bonds? 


Bonds not only provide, so to speak, “insurance for old age,” but they 
also create an absolute estate and an income that can be absolutely 
depended upon at all times. 


The Arthur J. Straus Company is always interested in helping friends 
form the bond habit—truly a most desirable habit—and in giving 
investment counsel to those who have already formed it. 


As a general rule, of course, an estate is best built up through the pur- 
chase of conservative securities, primarily with safety of principal and 
income in mind. ‘There is nothing that will compare with first mort- 
gage real estate bonds. 


The bonds of the Mal Investment Company are a good instance of the 
real estate bond. ‘This issue covers four different building enterprises. 
The completed buildings of these groups already bring a net income 
larger than the total amount of interest requirements for the entire issue. 
Particular notice is called to the fact that at final maturity only 40% 
of the entire issue remains outstanding, this amount being $144,000, 
and that the value of the real estate, exclusive of all buildings, as 
appraised by competent appraisers is valued at $142,000. 


We have a number of other issues, equally good, and should appreciate 
the opportunity of consulting with you regarding them, Dr. Babthorne, 
if interested. Or if you wish, we shall be glad to have our repre- 
sentative call on you. 


Sincerely yours, 


(2) November 14. 
Dear Doctor Babthorne: 


The real secret of using money productively is to keep it safe and let it 
grow. It will increase itself by compounding faster than the average 
investor can enlarge it by trading. 


Insurance companies make a science of investment. Yet testimony in 
the recent New York Insurance investigations brought out the fact 
that over a period of years they make higher returns from conservative 
investments than from speculation. Hence, the enhanced investment 
value of first mortgage real estate bonds. 


This, Dr. Babthorne, is part of the reason that we offer only first 
mortgage real estate bonds. During our many years’ practice in selling 


280 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


first mortgage real estate bonds, we have established a no-loss record 
among our investors. We have, in fact, been remarkably successful in 
this. We prefer never to put profit before safety of principal. If we 
may have the opportunity to talk with you, to go into details on these 
points, we shall be glad to make clear the basis of our belief in our 
ability to serve you unusually well. 


May we have a representative call? 


Sincerely yours, 


(3) November 28. 
Dear Doctor Babthorne: 


Generally, investments depend upon two kinds of knowledge: knowledge 
of general unchanging principles, and knowledge of day-to-day condi- 
tions in particular industries. “These principles are not always so easy 
to learn, and it is not necessary to know anything about them if you 
invest your money in first mortgage real estate bonds on improved 
income-producing properties. 


We have a diversified list of investments which we can recommend at 
the present time; and shortly we shall have an exceptionally good, new 
issue, which will be eagerly sought after. 


We suggest, Dr. Babthorne, that you avail yourself of the opportunity 
of investing in first mortgage real estate bonds, secured by improved 
local property. We shall be pleased at any time to show you personally 
the property securing our various issues. If you will telephone Grand 
8080, we shall be glad to make an appointment. 


Sincerely yours, 


(4) December 8. 
Dear Doctor Babthorne: 


Now is the time to make your reservations on January investments, so 
that such moneys as will then be available can be put to work without 
loss of any interest. We would advise that you invest at least a portion 
of your funds in our first mortgage real estate bonds, secured by im- 
proved, income-producing properties in this city. 


We have on hand for January a diversified list of these high grade first 
mortgage bonds, which we will reserve for you to be taken up at your 
convenience. 


At the present time, we should take pleasure in serving you, Dr. Bab- 
thorne, and if you cannot conveniently call at our office, a note from you 
will have our personal attention. 


Sincerely yours, 


FOLLOW-UP SALES LETTERS 281 


(5) December 29. 
Dear Doctor Babthorne: 


Since last October we have written you a number of times about invest- 
ment matters. 

We feel certain, Dr. Babthorne, that you realize the need of saving 
money—for adjusting your way of living to your income so that there 
is a surplus for investment. We are sure also that the things we have 
said and the study you have given the matter have convinced you of 
the need for expert aid in investing that surplus safely. 

We have not had the pleasure of a call from you at our offices, which 
cover the whole third floor of the new Straus Building, Grand Avenue 
and Third Street. 

The size of our institution in itself is evidence of reliability and strength. 
It signifies that a large number of patrons have invested in our securi- 
ties, which is proof that the securities we offer are of the type that 
attract experienced, careful investors. 

Our organization has served faithfully and well an ever-growing 
clientele in showing them how to guard their money and placing it 
where they will always have it and get all that it earns. 

Our reputation, experience, and responsibility attract the highest type 
of investors and also bring us for acceptance or refusal the choicest 
properties for consideration. 

We shall take care of your investments, whether $100 or more. Our 
$100 client receives as much attention as our numerous large investors. 
If you have not started, why not start with a $100 bond? 


Sincerely yours, 


Problems in Writing Follow-up Letters. 


1. Plan a follow-up series to solicit money for building a 
new church in your community. Assume that the congrega- 
tion to which you belong has outgrown its present building, 
which is very old. ‘The committee to which you belong has 
delegated you to plan letters for the campaign to secure 
$150,000 for the erection of the new edifice. Assume that 
it is now February 15 and that the personal solicitation is to 
begin on May 15. 

Plan the series, making your appeal to community spirit, 
loyalty to the church, parental desire to give children clean 
surroundings for social and religious activities, etc. ‘The let- 


282 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


ters should be businesslike and sound as to reasoning and emo- 
tional appeal. The purpose is to prepare for the personal 
visit of members of the committee, who will actually solicit 
funds. Your letters, therefore, must sell the campaign to the 
mailing list. Anticipate objections. 

Submit a complete plan: purpose, number of units, mail- 
ing dates, appeal used in each unit, outline of each letter, in- 
closures to be used and with what letters, etc. 

Submit, furthermore, the complete first and last letters. 

2. Plan letters to induce parents to send their sons to the 
Alamac Summer Camp for Boys (location to be chosen by 
you), established in 1909 and continued without interruption 
each summer. 

The camp has a limited enrollment, is open to boys from 
ten to sixteen years of age, is conducted for health and recrea- 
tion, and teaches boys self-reliance and other manly traits of 
character. Add any facts you find necessary for creating de- 
sire and establishing conviction. Remember that the boy must 
be attracted, but that the final approval lies with his parents. 

Plan the series, indicating the series as a whole, and the 
individual units, as directed in the preceding exercise. Ex- 
plain in detail how you get your mailing list. 

Write the first and last letters completely, and submit the 
first and last paragraphs of the intervening letters. 

3. The International Clearing House, 760 Broadway, 
New York, has open territories for radio dealers who can sell 
the Pfannstiehl Overtone Receiver. 

Plan a series of follow-up letters to live dealers whose 
names were secured by means of newspaper and magazine ad- 
vertisements. Use inclosures. | 

(a) What system of follow-up would you use? (b) Out- 
line the series. How many letters? What selling points? 
How are these distributed? (c) Write the first letter of the 
series. (d) Write the last letter. (e) Write the first and 
last paragraphs of the intervening letters. 

You may use the following paragraph as a source of mate- 
rial. Use your own language. Supply additional material 
as you see the need. 





Internal noises completely eliminated, without the use of neutraliz- 
ing devices: radio simplified and made enjoyable; distant stations clearly 


FOLLOW-UP SALES LETTERS 283 


without distortion; no stray oscillations; squeals and chatter eliminated ; 
full tone beauty results. Pfannstiehl found the real causes of stray 
oscillations that interfere with clear reception. "The Pfannstiehl de- 
vices get rid of all internal interference. “The technical means em- 
ployed are a scientific story of great importance to radio engineers and 
interest to dealers. “The average user wants results, which he gets in 
clear tones in the Pfannstiehl, tonal charm, real music, full, rich reso- 
nance of voice or instrument. ‘The station finder device takes the guess- 
work out of tuning and enables even the inexperienced to tune the 
receiving set quickly and easily. Exclusive franchise to dealers. 
Pfannstiehl markets exclusively through dealers. One protected dealer 
in each community, in large towns one in each shopping zone. A five- 
tube receiver using the new system of tuned radio frequency. En- 
dorsed by the pioneer radio store, Wanamaker’s. Use coupon for 
information as to the terms of the exclusive agency. 


4. [he head of a local business school has engaged you to 
write a series of letters to pupils about to graduate from the 
local grade schools. The purpose is to urge these pupils to 
enter his business school. ‘The mailing list is not based on 
inquiries. 

Submit an outline of the series (campaign? wear-out?), 
indicating the number of units, inclosures (if any), selling 
points, distribution of these among the units, and the action 
desired to be taken by your prospects. Point out the reason 
for the order of your units. Write a key sentence for each 
letter, and one for each paragraph of the letter. Justify the 
number of letters you have decided upon. Write the last let- 
ter of the series. 

5. Plan a series for use by a well-known, long-established 
(45 years) savings bank to increase the number of its de- 
positors. This is the only savings bank in the city. There are 
commercial banks paying 3% per cent interest, but your bank 
pays 4 per cent on all deposits up to $3000, interest com- 
pounded semi-annually. A savings bank specializes in time 
deposits. Savings banks are strictly supervised by the state 
to guard the savings of the people. Every depositor is a part- 
ner in the bank and has a part in the dividends in the form of 
interest. Banking can be safely done by mail. Find other 
selling points. 

Submit a complete plan of the series, proceeding as di- 
rected in Problem 4. Explain your plan fully, as though you 
were selling it to the head of the savings bank. 


284 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


6. Prepare a follow-up series designed to sell to business 
men a year’s subscription to a magazine. You may use: 
System, The Advertising Fortnightly, Printers’ Ink, The Print- 
ers’ Ink Monthly, Forbes, or any other magazine appealing to 
business men. Write the letters. Attach an explanation of 
your plan and its execution: mailing list secured how? use two 
cent stamp? size of letter sheet ? inclosures ? sample copy? how 
remit price of subscription? 

7. Prepare a follow-up series designed to sell to women 
a year’s subscription to a magazine. You may use: Good 
Housekeeping, The House Beautiful, McCall’s, Harper's 
Bazaar, Vogue, The Ladies’ Home Journal, The Woman's 
Home Companion, and so forth. Proceed as in the preceding 
exercise. 

8. Prepare a series of follow-up letters to be sent to the 
alumni of your institution. ‘The purpose is to prepare them 
for the visit of an authorized representative (of the alumni 
clubs) who will solicit funds for the endowment of your insti- 
tution. You name the amount the drive is to realize. Contri- 
butions may be made on the installment plan. ‘The representa- 
tive will take the pledge for the total amount, but no payment 
is made to him. Payments begin one year from the date of 
the pledge. The alumni committee is in control of the dispo- 
sition of the funds, in co-operation with the accredited officials 
of the institution. ‘The alumni of your institution are not as 
a rule wealthy, but all of them are loyal and willing to support 
a campaign of this kind to put the institution on a sound finan- 
cial basis. Your letters must make the visit of the repre- 
sentative welcome. Proceed as specially directed in Prob- 
lem 1. 

g. Write a criticism of the follow-up letters printed be- 
low. Use as headings for your criticism: structure (four func- 
tions of the sales letter); getting attention, arousing desire, 
establishing conviction, stimulating action (considered with 
regard to phrasing) ; paragraphing; correctness; concreteness; 
repetition and variety; linking the series; timing the series. 
Add headings as you see the need. 

In writing this criticism, assume that you have been en- 
gaged by the firm to criticize the series and make constructive 
suggestions. Rewrite letters or paragraphs, as required. 





FOLLOW-UP SALES LETTERS 285 


(1) 
Dear Mr. Dalton: 

Phrases conjure up thoughts. 

And the phrase “Ready-to-Wear” probably conjures up the thought 
of Factories at Rochester and a big Store in New York and a floor 


full of overanxious salesmen ready to pounce on you when you come in 
and sell you a suit which may possibly fit you by accident. 


But that’s not D’Andrea’s. 

We are custom tailors in the first place, and in the second place 
we wouldn’t have the kind of trade we have if we ran our place on 
those lines. 

It makes no difference to us whether we make up a special suit 
for you or fit you with one of our ready-to-wear suits. The materials, 
styling and workmanship are not changed one iota in the ready-to-wear. 
But the ready-to-wear price is only $75.00. 


Sincerely yours, 


March 16, President 
mo 2 5. 
(2) 


Dear Mr. Dalton: 


Won’t you examine these samples of fine fabrics? ‘Their quality 
is what we'd like you to note in particular; the texture and weave. 
They are our own importations from the best English and Scotch Mills. 


These good woolens, Mr. Dalton, go into the clothes we tailor-in- 
advance at $75; and into the clothes we tailor-to-order at $125. Same 
fabrics, same linings, same workmanship are put into the one, as into 
the other. No difference whatever in the two save in the price. 


Please do not attempt to judge the range of patterns we offer by 
these few. They are not intended for that. Only by a careful inspec- 
tion of the many patterns we carry could you do this. If it would be 
only to show you, we would appreciate your call. 

Sincerely yours, 


October 16, 1925. 


(3) 
Dear Mr. Dalton: 


Tailored clothes are to be given preference, of course. Finer 
workmanship goes into them; better trimmings and linings and fabrics. 
They give better fit, and they hold their shape longer. 


286 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


D’Andrea Clothes are tailored-to-order or tailored-in-advance. And 
excepting for “price” and “when” they’re tailored, there’s absolutely no 
difference between the two. Both are tailored in our own shop, by the 
same hands, under our personal supervision. ‘The tailored-to-order 
garments sell for $125; the identical clothes tailored-in-advance are $75. 


Men who formerly would consider only clothes tailored-to-order— 
many our own customers—frankly tell us now that at first they doubted 
that we could give them such fit, and such workmanship in clothes 
tailored-in-advance. But, as we explain, unless we are absolutely sure 
that we can give our patrons equal satisfaction—if there is any doubt 
in our minds as to fit—we will recommend the tailored-to-order service 
at the higher price. Very seldom, however—in not more than 5% of 
the cases—do we find this necessary. 


When you find it convenient, Mr. Dalton, we should like very much 
if you would stop in so that we might do more than tell you about 
these clothes; show them to you. 


May we have that opportunity soon? 


November 3, 1925. } Sincerely yours, 


(4) 
Dear Mr. Dalton: 


They say the only part of a selling talk that counts is the part the 
prospect believes. . 


We've sent you quite a few letters. You know the story from our 
angle—quality, price, fit, personal interest—all we can put on paper. 


But you sit tight. Haow’s that—? 


Wouldn’t it mean a worth-while saving if we SHOULD be telling 
the facts? 


Wouldn’t it pay, then, to find out? 


Sincerely yours, 
November 17, 1925. 


10. Criticize the following letter. To what type of follow- 
up does it belong? Rewrite the letter. 


Dear Sir: 


Is it possible 
that you have forgotten all about us, for we are surprised and at a 
loss to understand the reason why you have not called on us recently. 


eat hy 


FOLLOW-UP SALES LETTERS 287 


If you were going down town and met an acquaintance in whom you 
had faith and confidence—you spoke to him cheerfully—he looked at 
you and did not even nod—wouldn’t you feel hurt? 


At this time we are puzzled not having heard from you oftener, surely 
there must be something in Furniture or Rugs that you have need for 
in your home—or something you would care to exchange. We will 
take your old furniture and give you a liberal allowance on any new 
purchase. 

We have just received a quantity of fine dining room, bedroom, and 
living room suites, which we are prepared to offer you at a real bargain 
prices. If not interested at the present time, will you tell your friends 
and neighbors about us? 


Thanking you for past patronage and hoping to be able to serve you 
again in the near future, 
Sincerely yours, 
Captain Storage Furniture Warehouse 


CHAPTER IX 
INQUIRIES, ORDERS, AND RESPONSES 


Inquiries, orders, and responses to these should incorpo- 
rate the essential qualities of business writing. Inquiries, and 
responses to orders and inquiries, are not modern unless they 
embody the service viewpoint, and observe the rule that every 
business letter is a selling letter. 

Inquiries and responses are too frequently ineffective be- 
cause they are subjected to so-called routine treatment. In- 
competent or unenlightened correspondents use “routine” as 
an excuse for dictation which drones out stereotyped phrases. 
The fact is that no employer can afford to have dictated letters 
treated in a routine manner. Capable correspondents abhor 
such letters. “They know the unfortunate results of routine 
treatment in the loss of good will and sales. Every letter 
worth dictating at all is worth dictating well. 

Letter forms versus individual letters. —When individual 
treatment is not important, letters should not be dictated. In- 
tolerable waste results, and expenses in the correspondence 
department are pyramided unnecessarily, when the so-called 
routine letter is used in place of printed forms, form letters, 
and form paragraphs. Routine letters are, in effect, nothing 
but memoranda, as, for example, in the acknowledgment of 
an order from an old customer. When situations are almost 
uniformly standard, so that practically all inquiries and or- 
ders can be classified within well-defined groups, a system of 
printed forms with blank spaces for the fill-in of appropriate 
items is adequate. ‘These are more effective than the usual 
hackneyed, stilted, impersonal dronings of inefficient corre- 
spondents. At any wage, these mechanical men are high- 
priced as compared with the greater eficiency and lower cost 
of printed forms. Printed forms can be devised by an ex- 
pert, who, to assure variety, changes the phrasing from print- 
ing to printing, or season to season. 

When letters are dictated, human interest is indispensable. 
Responses to inquiries, first orders, or defective and refused 

288 


INQUIRIES, ORDERS, AND RESPONSES 289 


orders, offer rare opportunities, which are too often system- 
atically (in fact, automatically) relegated to routine memor- 
anda treatment in the hands of unresponsive correspondence 
clerks. 

Inquiries. 


Every letter of inquiry offers a sales opportunity. Help- 
ful, considerate responses to inquiries are business getters, if 
not directly by way of orders, at least indirectly by way of 
good will. ‘he inquirer is a potential customer and booster. 
The inquiry, if cheerfully handled, may lead to a profitable 
order. ‘The correspondent should make the way to the order 
easy and pleasant. | 

There are two great classes of inquiries: solicited and un- 
solicited. Solicited inquiries are in response to advertising 
leads of one kind or another. They are usually promptly 
and adequately answered because the staff has been prepared 
to handle inquiries expected as part of a sales campaign. Un- 
solicited inquiries, on the contrary, do not as a rule receive 
the careful attention they deserve. ‘They are a fair field for 
salesmanship. When someone requests a catalogue, booklet, 
advertising matter, or information about service, a prompt, 
definite, and personal response keeps alive the prospect’s in- 
terest in the product or service. Requests for information to 
be used in an investigation should likewise be handled in the 
spirit of service. 

A good letter of inquiry is definite, compact, and courte- 
ous. ‘The tone should be confident and positive. Apologies 
are out of place. The inquiry should not be made if the writer 
is trespassing upon the time of the executive or business man. 
If the request is legitimate and simple, the letter should be 
brief and to the point, avoiding irrelevant explanatory intro- 
ductory matter. It is impolite as well as hackneyed to close 
the letter with, ‘“We thank you in advance for your prompt 
attention to our inquiry.” 

The following is sufficient. 


Gentlemen: 


Please send me your booklet, ‘Investment Guide,” as advertised in this 
morning’s “Times.” 


Yours truly, 


290 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Equally brief and direct are the inquiries addressed to 
bureaus of information conducted by private organizations 
for their members or by the government for its citizens. Busi- 
ness men, for example, often find it necessary to write to Wash- 
ington for authoritative information. Iwo such letters fol- 
low, both directed to the Federal Trade Commission, Wash- 
ington, D. C. 


(1) 
Gentlemen: 


Please tell me whether there are any publications on systems of accounts 
for retail coal dealers. 


(2) 


Gentlemen: 


Very truly yours, 


I have been asked to write an article on co-operative marketing organi- 
zations, particularly on the Grain Growing Organization. (This states 
the reason for the inquiry.) 


Although I have some acquaintance with the subject, I shall need addi- 
tional and particularly up-to-date information on it. (This leads to 
the request. ) 


Can you refer me to sources of this information? 
Have you published anything on this subject recently? 


(The foregoing questions make the request specific.) 


Very truly yours, 


When, on the other hand, a favor is asked of a business 
man, the letter is usually somewhat longer. The greater 
length is necessitated by the addition of a paragraph explain- 
ing possible advantages accruing to the reader if he grants the 
request. If the advantage appeals to him, he is inclined’ 
to respond favorably. Furthermore, because the business man 
is under no obligation to grant the favor, the letter should | 
close sith. a heine epeteaene Or appreciation. The headings 
of such a letter are: 









1. Reason for making the request. 

2. The request proper. 

3. Possible advantage to the reader if the request is 
granted... 

4. Statement of appreciation. 


INQUIRIES, ORDERS, AND RESPONSES 291 
The following letter incorporates these structural units. 


Dear Sir: 


We are investigating certain conditions which we believe exist in the 
teaching profession. In order that we may intelligently complete our 
analysis, it is necessary that we secure additional information. (Reason 
for the request.) 


With this objective in mind we have prepared a questionnaire, a copy 
of which is inclosed. We earnestly invite your co-operation. (The 
request proper. ) 

A few of the questions asked may possibly appear to be so personal that 
you may not feel justified in answering them. Please, however, reply to 
as many of them as you feel free to answer, and return the question- 
naire in the inclosed, stamped envelope. (The request proper explained. ) 


Without your personal assistance our investigation must fail. To those 
who assist us we shall in due course furnish a résumé of our findings. 
(How the reader will benefit.) 


Meanwhile we confidently anticipate an early reply, and assure you we 
shall greatly appreciate your sincere co-operation in answering as many 
of the questions as you can. (Statement of appreciation.) ' 


Very truly yours, 


A large department store has found the succeeding letter 
very successful. Observe that the structural units follow the 
outline given above. 


Dear Madam: 


Our recent announcement of Special Offerings, sent to your address, 
has been returned to us by the postal authorities. 


This may be due to your temporary absence from the city, but as we 
desire to have your correct address upon our mailing list, we shall 
appreciate your courtesy in furnishing us with the information re- 
quested on the inclosed post card. 


We assure you that your purchases have been highly appreciated, and 
that we anticipate a continuance of your valued patronage. 


Very truly yours, 


Responses to Inquiries. 


When an individually dictated letter is used in response 
to an inquiry, the reader should be made to feel that he is 


fey MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


receiving individual attention. The S. D. Warren Company, 
manufacturers of paper, realize the sales value of carefully 
considered letters of response: ‘“‘We use no stereotyped form 
letter. Practically every letter we write is in direct response 
to a definite inquiry, and the conditions governing each case 
are quite dissimilar.’ ‘Ihe personal touch should be evident 
in the substance and tone of the response. The carefully 
adjusted material should meet the needs of the inquirer, and 
the manner of phrasing it should suggest a genuine willingness 
to serve. The response should be prompt, complete, appro- 
priate, and cheerful. 

When the request is granted.—The headings of a good 
letter of response giving the desired information are usually 
as follows: 


1. Express cheerfulness in granting the favor requested. 

2. Give the information and, if possible, add relevant 
material. 

3. Offer further assistance. 


Observe how the following letter incorporates these 
headings. 


Dear Sir: 


I am glad to answer your letter of April 15, requesting information 
concerning summer courses for 1925. 


An Abridged Announcement is being mailed to you to-day. You will 
find the courses in Business English outlined on pages 7 and 8. 


A bulletin fully describing these courses will be mailed to you as soon 
as it comes from the printer. 


As I am one of the teachers of this subject, I shall be pleased to hear 
from you if I can be of further service to you. 
Sincerely yours, 


f 


Observe how the following letter more than satisfies the 
inquirer. 
Dear Sir: 


Permission to quote from our newspaper advertisements is very gladly 
granted. | 


That you may have a complete set of these advertising messages at 
hand for ready reference, we are inclosing a copy of our booklet, “In~ 


arte 


INQUIRIES, ORDERS, AND RESPONSES 293 


1925 the high cost of forgetting will not be lower.” Attached to the 
inside front cover you will find reproductions in miniature of all the 
advertisements in our 1925 series. 


It occurs to us that you will cover the subject of illustrated letters 
in business, and that an examination of No. 3 of our ‘“‘More Business” 
series may yield helpful information on this subject. A copy of the 
book is attached. This edition is now out of print, as it was very much 
in demand. 


If we can do anything further to help you, do not hesitate to call 
upon us. 
Yours very truly, 


Notice how completely and appropriately the following 
letter gives the information requested in the inquiry on page 


290. 
Dear Sir: 


I am in receipt of your letter of October 1, in the matter of up-to-date 
information concerning co-operative marketing organizations. 


The Division of Agricultural Co-operation, U. S. Department of Agri- 
culture, Mr. C. L. Christensen, chief, issues a periodical on co-operation, 
as well as special bulletins from time to time. 


Considerable has been published concerning the Grain Marketing Com- 
pany. Perhaps the best source of information would be the Weekly 
News Letter of the American Farm Bureau Federation (58 East 
Washington Street, Chicago, IIl.), issues of the past three months. 


You ask if I have published anything recently on the subject. My 
report on co-operation in foreign countries, prepared after my trip 
abroad last summer, is still in the hands of the Commission, and is 
not yet available for distribution. An article on “Europe Regulating 
Trade Associations for Public Benefit” appeared in the N. Y. Evening 
Post on March 27, 1922. This was one of a series of twenty-five 
articles on Co-operative Competition published by the Post, and a 
booklet containing the series was also printed. In May, 1924, the 
American Bankers Association Journal printed my article on “Trying 
Out Co-operative Banking in Foreign Countries.” 


Cordially yours, 


When the inquiry is not clear—When the inquiry is not 
clear, it is easy to lose one’s temper at the expense of the 
inquirer. Patient consideration, however, reflects the service 
ideal, which should prevail in the most trying situations. 


294 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Manufacturers who solicit requests for samples make every 
effort to trace a request when a writer has failed to give a 
complete address. In this respect, their patient persistence sets 
letter-writers a good example. An incomplete or vague in- 
quiry should be followed up courteously and considerately, 
care being taken not to offend the inquirer by suggesting his 
ignorance or carelessness in ordering. ‘The following letter, 
emanating from a government office, is tactful and considerate. 


Dear Sir: 


Your letter of September 20, in which you ask for reports on forestry 
subjects, has been referred to me. 
I take pleasure in sending you a number of miscellaneous publications 
which I believe will be of interest to you. 
I am wondering if you do not have some particular phase of forestry 
in mind. If you will let me know what you are most interested in, I 
shall be very glad to send you all the information available on the 
subject. 

Very truly yours, 


When the request is refused.—In refusing ordinary re- 
quests it is sufficient to write a compact but courteous letter, 
frankly stating the reason for the refusal. Apologies and 
lengthy explanations are out of place. Express regret, and 
state your reason for the refusal. 


Dear Sir: 
We are very sorry not to be able to grant your request of July 26 for 
copies of Batten’s Wedge, as the number of copies is immediately 
exhausted by our mailing list. 

Very truly yours, 


When an important request must be refused, the reader 
should be sold on the refusal. The tone of the following 
letter is firm but courteous. It was written by the circulation 
manager of a magazine specializing intensively in a limited 
field. The magazine does not seek subscriptions outside this 
immediate field. The response indicates how an experienced 
writer may with dignity and sincerity take the edge off a 
refusal. The principle is sound: Even though you cannot 
make a friend, you can avoid making an enemy. 


——— 





INQUIRIES, ORDERS, AND RESPONSES Zo 


Dear Sir: 


As requested in your letter of January 9, I am glad to send today a 
copy of the issue of January 2. Please accept it with our compliments. 


I also wish to thank you for your kind words for our magazine, but 


since our publications are made specially for national advertisers and 


advertising agencies, we are prevented from accepting subscriptions 
outside this field. 


In selecting our prospects for subscriptions, we are careful to pick out 


only those who are actually advertising in some form. Our experience 


has shown us that readers outside of our field find little of interest 


in the magazine, and discontinue as soon as their subscriptions are up. 


We, therefore, seek only what we call “logical” subscribers. 


I feel quite certain you will understand our position, but I want you 
to know that your interest is very much appreciated. 


Very sincerely yours, 


Making an appointment.—When personal acquaintance 
or intimacy exists between the person addressed and the in- 
quirer, a whimsical tone establishes agreeable contact. Cheer- 
fulness, of the type illustrated in the following inquiry and 
response, makes the letters different. Both business men are 
interested in the same project, but the matter is not pressing. 
The letters served the purpose delightfully—that of making 
an appointment. 


Dear Mr. Whimsey: 


My unfailing office system informs me that, as the old almanacs used 


to say, “about this time” Charles A. Whimsey will be in New York. 


I wonder if this is true... ? 


, Sincerely yours, 


Dear Mr. Witherley: 


The ‘“‘old almanacs” were sometimes right. “They had a phrase like this 
for January: “If water freezes on the south side of the house at noon 
this time of the year, it is likely to be cold.” 


Following the “likelihood” expressed by the almanac, I think that we 
shall be in New York about the 20th of the current month for three or 
four days, and I shall surely call upon you at the office. 


Cordially yours, 


296 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Securing a speaker.—The following letters are good ex- 
amples of their kind, representing an exchange’ of letters on 
the matter of securing a speaker for a banquet. 

Mr. A. Williams, secretary of a business study class, 
appealed to Mr. G. H. Burnside for assistance in getting a 
speaker for the final meeting of the class. 


Mr. G. H. Burnside, 
Chicago, Ill. 


Dear Mr. Burnside: 


We are planning a final dinner for our study class in economics. I am 
asking you, therefore, to try to get for us a speaker from New York 
who would give us a talk on some phase of economics. Our meetings 
have been very successful, and we want to close the year with a bang. 


Very truly yours, 
A. Williams. 


Mr. Burnside succeeded in getting Mr. M. D. Macready, 
one of the best known statisticians and economists in the 
country, to speak. Mr. Macready, however, consented with 
the stipulation that he should not be put on the banquet pro- 
gram where he would have to speak at ten or eleven o'clock, 
after a cabaret performance and a lot of oratory. Mr. Burn- 
side therefore wrote to Mr. Williams, who had asked for the 
speaker, as follows: 


Mr. A. Williams, 
Peoria, Ill. 


Dear Mr. Williams: 


I have succeeded in getting Mr. M. D. Macready, chief statistician of 
the Mercantile Bank, for your meeting on April 28. Mr. Macready 
is one of the best known economists and statisticians in the country. 


He is, moreover, a very effective speaker, not only for economists but 
also for business men. I know that he will give you a fascinating and 
instructive talk. 


When I spoke to Mr. Macready about the meeting, he asked me 
whether it was to be a long banquet filled with speakers and vaudeville 
performers. I assured him that it wasn’t. He told me he asked this 
question because he had had to address audiences at ten or eleven 
o'clock, after three or four other speakers and a lot of entertainment, 
and that he felt it was a little bit unfair to him and the audience for 


INQUIRIES, ORDERS, AND RESPONSES 297 


him to talk at such an unfavorable hour. I know you won’t object to 
my mentioning this fact. 

Won’t you get in touch with Mr. Macready yourself, asking him, for 
example, for the exact title of his address, and so forth. I think that 
he will talk on “The Growth of Production in the United States,” 
and illustrate it with several charts. 


I hope that you will have an excellent meeting. 


Very sincerely yours, 
G. H. Burnside. 


The meeting was a very satisfactory one, and Mr. 
Williams wrote a very nice letter to Mr. Macready. Mr. 
Burnside, who had procured the speaker, felt, of course, also 
under obligations to tell Mr. Macready how satisfactory the 
meeting was, and to thank him for coming, as follows: 


Mr. M. D. Macready, 
New York, N. Y. 


My dear Mr. Macready: 


I have heard from two men in Peoria, both of whom were very enthusi- 
astic, about your talk to them. ‘They have probably written a “bread 
and butter” letter to you, but to show you that the “bread and butter” 
letter was not a perfunctory thing, I am going to quote from the letter 


of Mr. Williams to me: 


“Our final dinner for the Study Class was a decided success, chiefly 
because of the very excellent address given by Mr. Macready and to 
the open forum conducted by, him at the end of the meeting. Mr. 
Macready made a decided hit.” 


Very sincerely yours, 


G. H. Burnside. 


Order Letters. 


An order letter is a welcome visitor in every business. 
Advertisements and sales letters, and in fact all types of busi- 
ness letters, exist for the purpose of swelling the number of 
order letters. 

An order letter must be clear and accurate. All essential 
data should be definitely and completely stated. The exact 
wishes of the buyer should be precisely phrased. When an 
order blank does not accompany the letter, the component 


298 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


parts of the order should be itemized. The complete order 
letter contains four structural units. 

1. Complete and exact data concerning the goods: (a) 
Exact trade name, catalogue number, size, color, style, price, 
etc. (b) Quantity desired in each item. 

2. Specific directions for shipment: (a) Parcel post, ex- 
press, motor truck, freight, steamship, packet, etc. (b) Exact 
date when shipment is desired. (c) Complete address. (One 
large shipper ascribes delay in filling orders to incomplete 
addresses and to omission of the address. ‘“‘We are good 
guessers and have an expert tracer; but many orders cannot 
be shipped until we receive a complaint that identifies the 
order with the incomplete address.” ) 

3. Manner of payment: (a) Refer to your credit ac- 
count if you have one. (b) If money is inclosed, state defi- 
nitely in what form and amount. (c) If money is not inclosed, 
and you do not enjoy credit, state how you intend to pay. 

4. Special considerations: These include information 
that helps the seller meet your desires and needs with regard 
to the goods ordered. ‘The close of the letter stresses the 
point uppermost in your mind with regard to quality, prices, 
discounts, promptness of shipment, etc. 


Dear Sir: 


Please send the Atlantic Monthly for one year, beginning with the 
March, 1925, issue, to 


Mr. Alfred Bush, 
Liverpool, New York. 


I am inclosing a money order to the amount of four dollars in payment 
for this subscription. 

Please send the March issue so that it will reach Mr. Bush on March 
5, his birthday. 

Because I am giving him the subscription as a birthday gift, kindly make 
a special notation to the effect that the magazine should reach him on 


March 5. 
Sincerely yours, 


Responses to order letters.—An order should be acknowl- 
edged on the day it is received. When nothing stands in the 
way of filling the order of an old customer, a printed form 
with spaces for the fill-in is sufficient. Individually dictated 


INQUIRIES, ORDERS, AND RESPONSES 299 


responses are necessitated by defective orders, orders from 
new customers, or unusually large orders from old customers. 
Every individual response is a selling letter. 

Order accepted—old customer.—When a customer of 
long standing sends in an unusually large order, a personal 
letter of appreciation may well take the place of a printed 
post card or letter-form of acknowledgment. The personal 
letter is sent promptly on the day the order is received. It 
has the qualities of definiteness, cheerfulness, and persuasive- 
ness. The following headings are indispensable: 


1. Thank the customer. 

2. Restate the order. 

3. State definitely how the order is being handled and 
shipped. 

4, Add one or two paragraphs bristling with live sales 
talk. The material and spirit of this sales talk concentrate 
the customer’s attention on the sales points of the goods, 
arouse his enthusiasm, and show him that you are interested in 
his profits. 


Dear Mr. Calton: 


Thank you for your generous order of March 12, which we take as 
an indication of your increased business in our goods. 


3 Frocks of Fashion, No. 208, Size 36....@$39.00.. $117.00 
2 Ultra Smart, No. 214, Size 34........ @$35.00.. $ 70.00 
BLS TUIEV TE ING2t 1 20,) SIZE. SO sure ve eos ee sc (@$19.00.. $ 76.00 
6 French Inspiration, No. 38, Size 34... .@$49.50.. $297.00 


SDI Sao NSS 0 GPa A Pe a $540.00 


These gowns are being shipped today by United States Railway Ex- 
press and should reach you on Thursday in time for the week-end trade. 


Your customers will find in these smart models just the quality and 
design most in vogue among women who pride themselves on their 
dress. As in the past, we are supplying the unusual, the different, the 
uncommon modes at lowest prices. ‘Io sell our gowns is to convince 
your fashionable trade that you have initiative and that you are the one 
who first features new styles for those who look for inspiration and 
individuality in dress. 


The styles we are sending you are authentic, original, and appropriate. 


The most critical buyers will immediately recognize the quality and 
style of these gowns. 


300 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


We assure you of our personal attention and of our steadfast desire to 


please you. 
Very sincerely yours, 


Order accepted—new customer.—The structure of the 
letter welcoming the new customer into your circle of satisfied _ 
customers is essentially like that of the foregoing letter. ‘The 
first paragraph definitely and cheerfully greets him as a valu- 
able customer. The closing paragraph stresses your personal 
interest in his needs, and convinces him that you mean to give 
him 100 per cent service. In other respects the letter to the 
new customer follows the headings of the letter to the old 
customer. The first and last paragraphs of a letter to a new 
customer follow. 


Dear Sir: 


Thank you for your order of March 17. I wish to welcome you into 
our large family of satisfied customers, and to assure you that we shall 
do everything in our power to make the sale of our gowns profitable to 
you. We take a genuine interest in the increased profits of our dealers. 
* * * * * % * 
Your interests are our interests. Quality, style, and price make our 
gowns easy to sell to your discriminating trade. You are situated so 
that we can supply you unfailingly and immediately. Gowns shipped 
today, reach you tomorrow morning. You realize that this service 
means you can carry a representative stock in your store, depending upon 
us to replenish your stock within twenty-four hours after you have made 
sales. The result, for you, is a small investment with large profits, 
made possible by our highly organized and always dependable service. 


Very sincerely yours, 


Defective order.—In case of an incomplete or indefinite 
order, the customer must never be made to feel that he is at 
fault. Additional information can always be tactfully drawn. 
The customer is made to feel that further information is 
necessary to avoid delay and to assure his getting the exact 
quality he desires. The object of the inquiry is to give 
prompt, efficient service. A good plan for such a letter is: 


1. Thank the customer for the order. 

2. Courteously ask for further information. 

3. Sell your request by showing that it is made solely with 
the customer’s interests in view. 


INQUIRIES, ORDERS, AND RESPONSES 301 
(1) 


Dear Sir: 
Thank you for your order of October 10. 


‘The size you desire was omitted from your order for M-289, suede 
gloves. 


Please send us this necessary information so we can fill the order exactly 
as you want it. As soon as we hear from you, we can release the order 
for immediate shipment. — 


Very truly yours, 
(2) 
Dear Sir: 
Thank you for your order of November 5, just received. 


We regret that we are unable to make shipment without further 
information. 

Please give us the catalogue number, size, and price of the shoes you 
wish. 

Do. you wish them sent by parcel post or express? 

We are holding your check until we hear from you. 


If you will please fill out the inclosed blank and mail it at once in the 
inclosed stamped envelope, we shall forward the order promptly and to 
your complete satisfaction. 


Yours truly, 


Out of stock.—When the goods cannot be furnished, a 
personally dictated letter shows consideration. In the case 
of old customers, where a substitution can be made, intelli- 
gently executed on the basis of past experience under similar 
circumstances, the letter promptly and definitely states the 
procedure you have followed. If necessary, offer an in- 
ducement. 


‘Dear Madam: 
Thank you for your order of November 10. 


We are forwarding today, by parcel post insured, the ten yards of 
poplin you ordered. 


Realizing your immediate need for this material, we have taken the 
liberty of sending the poplin in two lengths, 814 yards and 3 yards, as 
this is all we have in stock. - The new supply will not be available until 
November 18. 


302 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


We are certain that you will like this poplin, which is of the best 
quality, and for which we are glad to accept your check in full payment 
as for ten yards. 

Sincerely yours, 


A longer letter is necessary when the item out of stock 
is ordered by a retail customer who is not a regular customer. 
Observe the persuasive elements of this good response: 


Dear Madam: 

Thank you for your order of November 11. 

We should like to fill your order for the Fashion Waist, A437, Size 38, 
but the fact is that we have received more orders than we expected, 
with the result that our large reserve stock has been completely sold out. 
The manufacturer is no longer able to supply this waist, but we are 
fortunate to have in stock a waist of the same high quality and exquisite 
style, at a slightly lower price. You will find this waist listed and 
illustrated in our catalogue, on page 15, A 438. We can send you 


the waist promptly if we receive your order within a few days. This 
model is very popular. It is now selling as fast as the model you ordered. 


Remember, you are fully protected by our guarantee, ‘Money cheer- 
fully and promptly refunded if you are not satisfied.” We are certain, 
however, that you will not part with the waist when you see it. 


Just write the catalogue number of the waist and the size you desire, 
on the inclosed Special Order Blank, and mail it to us in the inclosed 
stamped envelope. 


This fashionable waist will reach you promptly if you do not delay. 
Very truly yours, 


Refusing the order.—When the order must be refused, 
state the facts in a straightforward, businesslike way. The 
letter should be unfailingly courteous, so as to leave the way 
open for future business. In the endeavor to conciliate the 
customer, avoid extravagant phrasings. Elaboration indi- 
cates insincerity. The following opening paragraph contains 
what is known as “‘bunk.”’ 


Dear Sir: 
Our first thought on reading your letter of July 15 was one of delight. 


Not only were you giving us a very generous order, but your good 
business methods strongly appealed to us. 








INQUIRIES, ORDERS, AND RESPONSES 303 


By way of contrast, observe how the following letter cul- 
tivates good will at the same time that it refuses the order, 
without resorting to insincerities. 


Dear Sir: 

We thank you for your order of July 16, but we are unable to accept 
it on account of our established merchandising policy. 

Our policy includes the granting of an exclusive agency for the sale 
of our products in a town which has a population of 25,000 or less. 


This arrangement assures the retailer a very profitable trade. We 
already have an established agency in your city. 
Although no change is contemplated at present, we take pleasure in 
keeping your name on our files, and assure you that we appreciate your 
interest in our products. 

Very truly yours, 


National advertisers selling exclusively through local 
dealer agencies must often refuse orders received at the fac- 
tory. Such orders should be diplomatically referred back to 
the customer in such a way as to induce him to complete the 
transaction at the store of the local dealer. ‘The response 
should be courteous, definite, and complete. A vague letter 
fails to resell the prospect on the product. An incomplete 
letter fails to send the prospect to a definite address in his com- 
munity. When several dealers handle the product in a large 
community, their names and addresses should be given, the 
prospect being allowed to choose the store. Observe the sales 
features of the following letter: 


Dear Madam: 


Thank you very much for your order of November 5 for one of our 
electric irons. (Appreciation.) 


We should like to send you the iron, but as manufacturers we sell only 
through retail dealers, and never supply irons direct from the factory. 
(Explanation of refusal.) 


We are, therefore, returning your check, and refer you to one of the 
following dealers in your city, who will be glad to deliver the electric 
iron at the price advertised in the magazine. (Action taken.) 


You will have the additional advantage of selecting the iron from a 
large stock, and will avoid the annoyance of delay and possible break- 


304 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


age because of bad handling on the way from the factory to you. 
(Advantages to the reader.) 
Every electric iron is guaranteed by us and the dealer to be in perfect 
condition. (Sales talk.) 
The following dealers will be glad to serve you. If you do not care 
to telephone your order, visit the store and make your own selection. 

John Morris & Co., 218 West Seventh Street. 

Polk Electrical Supply Company, 424 Main Street. 

(Specific references.) 

You will receive courteous and prompt service if you give your order 
to one of these stores. (Suggests action.) 


Very sincerely yours, 


Conclusion. 


1. Printed forms with fill-in are advisable for routine in- 
quiries, orders, and responses. 2. When the expense of 
individually dictated letters is assumed, letters should conform 
to the best practice in structure and language. 3. Every indi- 
vidually dictated letter of response is a selling letter. 


Problems for Oral and Written Solution. 


1. Why is this letter of inquiry weak? Be specific. 


Gentlemen: 


Having seen your advertisement in the Sunday Times of March 22, 
and being interested in your set of books because I read a great deal 
after business hours, especially in history, of which I am very fond, I 
am asking you to send me the sample pages you advertise. I am in- 
closing the coupon, which I clipped, and which I hope is properly filled 
out. Please send me a free copy, as your advertisement says you will. 


Yours truly, 
2. Does this letter incorporate the structural units of a 


good response to a request for jobbers’ prices? If so, how? 
If not, suggest specific changes. | 


’ 
Dear Sir: 


We are very glad to hear of your new store in your letter of the 8th. | 


INQUIRIES, ORDERS, AND RESPONSES 305 


The establishment of a third store certainly proves your success in the 
other two. 


You ask for jobbers’ prices. This would, of course, mean jobbers’ 
quantities. Because of the nature of our product and our quick delivery 
service, we have established the policy of not allowing jobbers’ prices— 
one price to all our customers. I assure you that if we did give special 
prices you would be one of the first to get them. 


It has been our experience that the retailer makes larger profits on 
smaller shipments. Candy must be in A-1 condition to continue to be 
sold to the same customers, and you do not want to get the name of sell- 
ing stale candy. 


To assure fresh supplies at short notice, we have built up a reliable 
quick-time service. I have looked up the express service to your city 
and find that if we receive your order in the morning mail you are 
sure to have the candy on your shelves by evening. 


We value your trade. Give us your orders as in the past. Please do 
not make the costly mistake of buying your fine candies in large lots, 
regardless of the amount you can sell in a month. We have statistics 
to show what bad results other dealers have got from large-lot ship- 
ments. Next time you are in New York, let us show you the evidence. 


Very sincerely yours, 


3. Criticize this response to an inquiry induced by an 
advertisement. For what class of reader is it intended? 
Why? 

Dear Sir: 


Your inquiry just came in this morning’s mail, so ] am answering it 
right off. ; 


You may be anxious to find a good old trout hole or riffle, like those 
in the Platte River near here, or perhaps you would like to try your 
luck in Celestial Park, which has a national reputation among anglers. 
Celestial Park is within easy walking distance. 


Then, after your morning of fishing, golfing, or tennis, you would come 
back to the hotel hungry. “Hungry” is the word, for this hotel is 
eight thousand feet above sea level, where the invigorating air whets 
one’s appetite to a mighty keen edge. 


Our meals are “according.” 


There are flowered gardens about the hotel. Auto and wagon trails 
stretch and wind in every direction, and give ready access to woodland 
and mountain scenery. Drivers and guides are at your service, rates 
moderate, and plenty of mountain horses to choose from. 


306 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Every room is an outside room, with plenty of the good air and fascinat- 
ing views all about. Electric lights, telephone and telegraph connec- 
tions, right in the hotel, keep you feeling modern at the same time. 
The inclosed booklet, with illustrations and prices, will be interesting 
reading. 


I’ll be here to receive you myself if you give us the word. 


Yours truly, 


4. Rewrite the following letters, observing all the require- 
ments of an effective response. 


(1) 
Dear Sir: 


We are in receipt of your favor of the 9th inst. requesting us to 
supply you with a file of Perlum advertisements. 


Agreeable to your wishes, we are forwarding same to our advertising 
agency, N. H. Peters, to supply you with copies. 


Hoping same will serve your purpose and appreciating the compliment 
that you are interested in our advertisements, we are, 


Very truly yours, 


(2) 
My dear Mr. Mothern: 


In answer to yours of the Ist beg to say that we are daily expecting the 
return of your mortgage from the Title Company. It usually takes 
from five to six weeks and should be received within a few days. 


Very truly yours, 


5. (a) Show how the response to the following letter fails 
to meet the inquiry in essentials. (b) Write an effective 
response, retaining whatever details you can, and adding 
necessary information. 


(1) 
Dear Madam: 


We are looking forward to a vacation holiday on a nice farm and liked 
your advertisement in the World Summer Resort Annual. Can you 
accommodate us from August 16? 


Please state your weekly rate for my wife, my son (nine years), and me. 


Can you give us two rooms, one for my wife and one for the boy and me? 


INQUIRIES, ORDERS, AND RESPONSES 307 





As we shall use our automobile, please indicate the best road from 
_ Poughkeepsie to your farm. 
Yours truly, 

(2) 
Dear Sir: 
Would say I would be pleased to have you with us from August 16. I 
think you will like it up here, it is pretty country, high and healthful 
we are near the lake. 
Have a clean and comfortable house, large lawn. 
Ellsburgh is 87 miles from New York City on N. Y. C. R. R. Fare 
is $2.99 or you can come by boat & bus via Poughkeepsie for $1.35 
(a nice sail up the Hudson and less expensive). When you write to 
reserve room I will send time tables. 


My weekly rate for the three would be $48. 
Thanking you for considering my place and looking for an early reply, 


Sincerely, 


6. As a student of business English, you are interested 
in manuals of rules and regulations for dictators and tran- 
scribers. Progressive manufacturers and business firms print 
such manuals for the use of their correspondence departments. 
You are in need of representative manuals as a basis for your 
investigation of this type of business literature. Your plan 
is to standardize the practice of large companies throughout 
the United States and to make known the results in a report. 

(a) Write a letter to a, well-known company, requesting 
a copy of its manual for correspondents: both dictators and 
transcribers. Request also additional information about 
house character, policy, supervision of correspondence, and 
so forth. 

(b) Write the letter of response, granting the request. 

(c) Write the letter of response, refusing the request 
tactfully because it is against the firm’s established policy to 
send out manuals. 

7. You are interested in buying a police puppy. As you 
have an eight-year-old boy, you desire further information 
about the habits and traits of police dogs before buying a 
puppy of this breed. You are sold on his aristocratic appear- 
ance, but you have heard that he is a one-man dog. Does this 
mean that he becomes attached to one member of the family? 


308 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Would he not, then, be dangerous with children in the family? 

(a) Write the letter of inquiry to the Palisades Kennels, 
Fort Lee, New Jersey. 

(b) Write the response to your inquiry, using points like 
the following: police dogs are good natured, especially with 
children. One customer writes, ‘Our police dog, Victor, is 
the inseparable playmate of the baby. ‘They roll over the 
floor and tumble without a sign of roughness on Victor’s part.” 
Police dogs are loyal to the family but dangerous to intruders. 
Intelligent. Burglar insurance. Understand master’s moods. 
Beautiful color markings in dark or light, as you prefer. 

8. Analyze and then rewrite the following inquiry. No 
address appeared on the letter sheet. 


Dear Sir: 


I am quite worried and in suspense regarding my deficiency examination 
in eB7. I tried to get you at your office, and my mark at the 
Registrars, but both were not in. Please send my mark at once. 


Sincerely, 


9. As secretary of the Chamber of Commerce in a city of 
300,000 population, you are planning to invite a well-known 
business man in a neighboring city (two hours by rail) to 
speak at a special luncheon for several hundred local men who 
are interested in advertising their city. 

Write a letter requesting him to talk about half an hour 
on “‘How to Advertise the Home City.” The talk is to follow 
the luncheon (12:30). He will be guest of honor. You pay 
all expenses. [he date of the luncheon is Wednesday, No- 
vember 15, three weeks from to-day. If you can secure this 
speaker, a successful meeting is assured, and you will add to 
your prestige as secretary of the organization. 

10. Criticize the following request. (a) Is the point of 
view good? Has the “‘you”’ attitude been sufficiently stressed ? 
(b) Point out unnecessary words and phrases in the first para- 
graph. Do these make the paragraph flabby? (c) Does the 
body of the letter contain material enough to assure the reader 
that proper use will be made of his manual? (He will not put 
his manual, issued for private use, into the hands of irrespon- 
sible outsiders. He fears unsympathetic criticism. He wishes 
to avoid publicity—Has the writer met and overcome such 


INQUIRIES, ORDERS, AND RESPONSES 309 


obstacles in the mind of the reader?) (d) Has the writer 
pointed out the possible advantages to the reader if the re- 
quest is granted? (e) Is the last sentence of the second 
paragraph a request or a veiled command? (f) Precisely 
why is the closing sentence weak? (g) Has the writer made 
the most of the material suggested by the first sentence of the 
last paragraph? 


Dear Sirs: 


I am studying business English, and in the course of my work I have 
become especially interested in the correspondence manuals which the 
more progressive firms are providing for their correspondents, stenog- 
raphers, and typists. I am anxious to collect as many of these manuals 
as I possibly can, with the view of studying them very carefully to 
ascertain just what provisions business firms are making for the super- 
vision and standardization of their business correspondence. 


I have been informed that you have a very complete and up-to-date 
manual which, I am sure, would be of great help to me. Will you 
please mail it to me. 


The fact that you distribute such a manual among your employees leads 
me to believe that you are interested in promoting better business 
English. I will greatly appreciate your co-operation with me in an 
attempt at advancement in this fertile field through a study of what has 
been done in the past. 


Very truly yours, 


11. Compare the following sentences with the opening 
sentence of the letter in the preceding exercise. (a) Just how 
is each sentence more compact and convincing than the 
original? (b) Write an opening sentence for your own letter 
of inquiry. 


(1) In the course of my studies in business English I am making a 
survey of correspondence manuals provided by progressive firms for 
their correspondents, stenographers, and typists. 

(2) As a student of business English I am interested in correspondence 
manuals provided by progressive firms for . . 

(3) As a student of business English I am specializing in the study 
of correspondence manuals provided by . . . 


12. In what ways are the following sentences superior to 
the sentences expressing the same thoughts in Exercise 10? 


310 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


(1) I am collecting these manuals to make a careful study of modern 
practice in the supervision and standardization of business correspond- 
ence in large offices. (Inferior? I am collecting as many of 
these manuals as I can to make a successful study of the provisions 
being made for the supervision and standardization of business 
correspondence. ) 

(2) The results of my investigation will be incorporated in a report, 
which will be filed but not published. No publication, therefore, 
favorable or unfavorable, can result, because the manuals I shall use as 
a basis for my report will be referred to anonymously as Manual I, 
Manual II, etc. 

(3) I am encouraged to believe that you will co-operate with me 
in my undertaking because I am willing to give you, if you so desire, 
a copy of the report or a personal opinion of how your practice com- 
pares with that of others. (Inferior? I am encouraged to believe you 
will aid me in my efforts to make this necessary survey, because I am 
willing... ) 


13. Write an order letter to Winthrop and Sons, 43 Win 
Street, Chicago, Illinois. You need the following seeds imme- 
diately: Black Wax Beans, 50 pounds, at $22.50; Golden 
Bantam Corn, 10 pounds, at $4.00; Egg Plant, 2 pounds, at 
$8.00; Carrots, Early French Forcing, 2 pounds, at $6.00. 
You are paying cash. Wohler Hardware Store, Yourtown. 

14. Eltman and Company, Fifth Avenue, New York, have 
received today an order from Elizabeth Fron, 56 Blossom 
Avenue, Yourtown, for a pleated crépe Georgette and lace 
frock. A money order for payment in full ($55.00) was 
inclosed. Miss Fron failed to state the size of the frock. 
Write a letter to Miss Fron. 

15. Order a Choker and Drop Necklace of pink and white 
pearls costing $38.50. You are ordering from the mail-order 
department catalogue of Tippany and Company, New York, 
and are sending the stated amount. You are writing your 
letter on November 20. Your mother’s birthday is on Novem- 
ber 29. You wish Tippany and Company to send the necklace 
to her so that she will receive it on her birthday. It should 
be sent by registered mail. If that means extra cost, you will 
remit, but the order must not be held up. 

16. Assume that you are a correspondence clerk in the 
mail order department of Tippany and Company. On 
November 26 you write a letter to the person who ordered 


INQUIRIES, ORDERS, AND RESPONSES 311 


the necklace referred to in the preceding exercise. You looked 
up the mailing distance and found that it was necessary to send 
the necklace today. There is no extra charge. 

| 20. Point out the strong and weak elements in the con- 
‘struction and phrasing of the following letters of appreciation. 


im (1) 
| Gentlemen: 


On the afternoon of May 16 the rim of the spider on our $9 K Gates 
‘crusher broke in three places through the bolt holes. 


‘We immediately wired you to ship us another spider for this crusher, 
and received your telegram the following day, stating that you had 
shipped the spider and giving us the car number covering this shipment. 


We consider this excellent service and desire to thank you for your 
-promptness in filling the order. 


We have been dealing with your company for about twenty years 
and during this time our crushing plant has not been shut down a 
single hour due to your failure to furnish our repair parts promptly. 


We consider this a record of which you should be proud, and we 
desire again to thank you for your co-operation in shipping this spider 
within twelve hours after you received our order. 

Yours truly, 


Big Rock Stone and Construction Company 
Sec. & Treas. 


(2) 
Dear Sir: 


Sometime in your life some friend has done you a “good turn” and 
finding it hard to control your feelings, your first impulse was to 
pat him on the back and say, ““That’s fine! “Thank you.” 


Now that was just the way we felt when we received the applications 
with your endorsement for Messrs. Ribner and Fischer. We regret 
on account of distance it is impossible to give you a good “hand-shake”’ 
and tell you, personally, how much we appreciate this service. 


The enclosed Card Case and. emblem, we trust, will partially repay 
you for your interest in this Association and will undoubtedly encourage 
you to continue the good work. 


Thanking you again for the applications referred to above and anticipat- 
ing your future co-operation, we are 


Yours very truly, 


312 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


17. Mr. J. Wolper, Wytown, New Jersey, has sent in a 
generous first order for an assortment of watches of medium 
price. ‘The order is being filled. As correspondence clerk 
in the order department of the Wellmade Watch Company, 
write a letter informing Mr. Wolper that his order will go 
forward to-morrow. ‘The order will be shipped C.O.D. as 
requested. 

18. Assume that you and several of your friends are 
planning to spend one month of the long summer vacation in 
camp on a State or United States park reservation (you to 
select the desired park). You will travel by automobile and 
carry your camping outfit on a trailer. You desire authentic 
information concerning camp sites open to your party. Isa 
fee required by the government? What limitations are there 
as to length of stay? What responsibilities do you assume 
when you camp on public ground? Where can you secure 
rules and regulations governing campers? Other similar 
questions will suggest themselves to you. Address a letter to 
the United States Bureau of Forestry, Department of Agri- 
culture, Washington, D. C., asking for assistance such as is 
suggested by the foregoing questions. 

19. You have noticed the advertisement of the Sports- 
man’s Manufacturing Company, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, 
in “Outing.” With the facts of the preceding problem in 
minc, write a letter, explaining what you plan to do on your 
camping trip, the number of persons in your party, and so 
forth. Ask the service department of the Sportsman’s Manu- 
facturing Company to make suggestions as to the most suit- 
able and economical equipment for use on your trip. A 
member of the party has an option on a trailer, so you will 
not need to purchase one from the company. Include all 
facts essential! for an intelligent estimate that meets your 
real needs. 


CHAPTER X 
CREDIT LETTERS 


The credit letter is a selling letter. Friendliness, an ob- 
vious desire to serve, and, when the situation permits, cordial- 
ity, impress the customer favorably during those critical days 
when his credit standing is being scrutinized. When severity 
is justified, the appeal to codperation and to the customer’s 
self-interest usually produces results. 

Instead, then, of repelling the customer seeking credit, and 
instead of treating his case in a routine, mechanical letter, 
the credit man does well to make his message human, always, 
and, as far as conditions permit, sympathetic. The cus- 
tomer is entitled to individual consideration. The house em- 
ploying the credit man is entitled to letter-service intelligent 
enough to build good will, even where sound policy demands 
that credit be refused. 

The selling point of view is especially valuable because 
credit activity represents one of the most important steps 
in business procedure. Reliable estimates put the volume of 
business conducted on a credit basis as high as 85 per cent. 
Among this vast majority of credit customers are many who 
need to be restrained from overstepping the bounds of safe 
credit, and there are others who must be educated to the ad- 
vantages of discounts and clean credit records. ‘The credit 
man must sell such fundamentals to the clients of his em- 
ployer. 

Letters are the most convenient medium for these exten- 
sive activities because they economically bridge the gap be- 
tween creditor and distant debtor. Letters, furthermore, as 
permanent records of credit transactions, offer legal pro- 
tection in the form of documentary evidence. Equally im- 
portant is the fact that letters insure privacy for an investi- 
gation involving confidential information on the financial and 
general business status of the buyer. 

313 


314 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Definition.—The word ‘“‘credit’ is commonly used to in- 
dicate the seller’s faith in the buyer’s ability to pay for goods 
delivered to him on any but a cash basis. The word is derived 
from the Latin verb “credo,” which means literally “I 
believe.” 

The person selling the goods on credit is the creditor, and 
the person receiving the goods on the understanding that 
they are to be paid for within a specified time is the debtor. 

The source of credit—The word ‘‘debtor” has unpleasant 
associations because a debt, however small or honorable, is 
popularly held to put the debtor under obligation. Often, 
therefore, credit is considered too exclusively as a valuable 
service passing from seller to buyer. “This conception has been 
fostered and emphasized by the elaborate and imposing ma- 
chinery functioning in the credit department. People meet 
credit men in the flesh and observe the tangible workings of 
the credit system, but they cannot see credit itself, which is 
invisible and intangible. ‘The creditor, in addition, occupies 
the advantageous position in that he need not recognize the 
buyer’s power to purchase. ‘The seller is the final arbiter of 
credit. In reality, however, credit flows from debtor to credi- 
tor, whereas goods move in the opposite direction. Credit 
represents the customer’s power to buy without cash payment. 
The function of the credit man is to determine whether the 
buyer has this power or only bravado. 

John Burns, for example, owns and conducts a profitable 
department store in a city of 200,000 population. He owns — 
the modern six-story building which houses his business. The 
business is adequately capitalized. His turnover is satisfac- 
tory and profitable. John Burns is a successful business man 
who buys merchandise in large quantities. When the credit 
man of a wholesale dry goods firm passes on extension of cred- 
it to John Burns, he recognizes the ability of John Burns 
to pay after thirty or sixty days. He puts the stamp of his 
expert approval on John Burns’ purchasing power. John 
Burns is the source of power. 

In practice, of course, the credit man applies all the 
checks at his disposal to assure himself not only that the 
customer actually has this power but also that he wil] have 
this power, as well as the willingness to pay, at maturity of 
the account. The credit man must continue his investigations 





: 
| 


CREDIT LETTERS 315 


from time to time in order to protect his firm against con- 
tingencies arising from a possible diminution or cessation of 
the buyer’s power. ‘he credit man, furthermore, must estab- 
lish continuous contact to ascertain whether or not the cus- 
tomer is properly using his power through prompt meeting of 


_ his obligations. 


{ 


The three C’s of credit—Upon receipt of the necessary 


_ data, the credit man analyzes the situation, basing his decision 


4 


| 


on the answers to three questions: 1. Has the applicant 
capital? 2. Has he capacity? 3. Has he character? 

The credit man must know definitely the applicant’s fi- 
nancial status. ‘The investigation reveals whether his busi- 
ness is adequately capitalized. It covers such matters as the 
ratio between assets and liabilities, together with the amount 


_of assets readily convertible into cash. 


The applicant’s capacity depends upon his opportunities 
for doing business, his personal aptitude for business, the lo- 
cation of his business, the kind and volume of business, and 


the like. 


His character is determined on the basis of his reputation 
for fair dealing, moral conduct, personal habits, uprightness, 


and honesty (past and present). 


The credit investigation.— [here are several ways of open- 
ing a credit account. When the customer takes the initiative, 
he writes a letter of request to the seller; or he sends in a re- 
quest for credit with his first order; or he sends merely a first 
order, leaving further action to the seller. When a dealer has 
been purchasing on a cash basis over a period of time, and if 
his constantly growing orders indicate a sound business devel- 
opment, the seller may investigate his financial standing with 
the object of offering credit accommodations. ‘To increase 
sales it is often desirable to take such action, on the principle 
that the cash customer shops about but that the credit cus- 
tomer concentrates his purchases. Whoever takes the initia- 
tive, credit should never be granted without first making a 
careful investigation. At the outset the customer is made to 
understand that credit is not to be had merely for the asking. 

If credit references do not accompany the first order, the 
dealer is immediately informed that his order is receiving at- 
tention but that further information is necessary before the 
account can be opened. The letter is careful to point out 


316 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


that this information is invariably requested as part of the 
customary routine of credit extension. It is well always to 
stress this point so that the sensitive customer cannot feel 
suspicious or hurt by the thought that his standing is con- 
sidered doubtful or that he is singled out for special treat- 
ment. A printed property statement (to be filled in) will 
convince him that the procedure is customary. ‘The essential 
quality of this type of letter is tact. Statements that may 
hurt the reader’s business pride, or that show suspicion, must 
be scrupulously avoided. The following letter is negative 
in tone: 


Dear Sir: 


We have received your letter of October 10 about opening a charge 
account. In reply we must inform you that we cannot open an account 
in your name unless you provide us with references. Moreover, it will 
be necessary for you to fill out the inclosed credit application form. 
If all the information we receive is satisfactory, credit will be granted. 


Yours truly, 


Such a letter is obviously offensive. [he statements are 
tactless and blunt. The language is cold: “have received,” 
“must inform you,” ‘will be granted.” The tone is negative 
from the start: ‘‘we cannot open,” “unless you.” Doubt is 
implied by “if all the information.’ Such a letter chills the 
customer. The following letter is cheerful and positive. 


Dear Sir:. 


Thank you for your inquiry of October 15 concerning the opening of 
a charge account with us. We are always glad to welcome a new 
customer. Be assured of our desire to serve you. 


You are no doubt familiar with such blanks as the one we are inclosing. 
All responsible wholesale houses use such forms to secure information 
that facilitates the opening of an account. 


If you will please fill out and return this property form immediately, 
we shall make the usual inquiries as rapidly as possible and so hasten 
the opening of your account. 


Yours truly, 


Wigs aon 


The following letter is used by a large city bank: 


CREDIT LETTERS 317 
Dear Sir: 


We are making the annual examination and rearrangement of our 
credit records, and find that the last statement received from you is 
dated ... We therefore ask that you favor us with a late statement 
of your assets and liabilities. 

As we wish to keep our files uniform, we inclose a statement blank, 
and ask you to send us the information on this form, if agreeable to you. 
We assure you that all communications will be treated as strictly con- 
fidential, and that it is our desire to serve you at all times. 


Very truly yours, 
Vice-President. 








Credit inquiries and responses.—After receiving the re- 
quested information, the credit man follows up the customer’s 
references—and if he has not already done so during the 
preliminary investigation, looks up the customer’s rating in 
directories like Dun’s and Bradstreet’s. The letter requesting 
information from references should be compact, specific, and 
courteous, and should offer to reciprocate favors. ‘The fol- 
lowing letter illustrates these qualities: 


Dear Sir: 


Your firm has been given as a reference by Mr. Arthur F. Bisdell, 984 
South Salina Street, Syracuse, N. Y., who is seeking an account with 
us, with a credit limit of $200. 

Please furnish us with whatever data you may feel disposed to give 
us, confidentially, concerning your experiences with this dealer. 

We shall appreciate an early response, and assure you of our willingness 
to reciprocate at any time. 


Yours truly, 


Responses to such requests should be so worded that the 
writer assumes no responsibility, direct or implied. A typical 
favorable response follows. 


Gentlemen: 


We are glad to respond to your letter of October 19, in which you 
inquire concerning our experiences with Arthur F. Bisdell, 984 South 
Salina Street, Syracuse, N. Y. 


Mr. Bisdell has used our credit facilities, with a limit of $250, during 
the past three years. 


318 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Our records show that he has always met his bills promptly. 
Mr. Bisdell is one of our desirable customers. 


Yours truly, 


Because of the law of libel, the unfavorable response is 
more cautious and impersonal. Because of the importance 
attached to opinions from such sources, banks and mercan- 
tile agencies are guarded in phrasing unfavorable reports, 
statements being as a rule general. The name of the dealer 
or firm is frequently omitted. The following forms are safe: 


(From a trade source): 
Gentlemen: 
We regret to state in response to your letter inquiry of October 19 


that our experiences with the person you mention have not been suffi- 
ciently satisfactory to warrant a favorable report. 


During the two years he has had an account with us we have several 
times had considerable trouble in collecting bills. 


Yours truly, 
(From a bank): 
Gentlemen: 
We regret to inform you in reference to the person mentioned in your 
letter of October 19 that our information prevents us from indorsing 
his credit standing for the amount you mention. 


Yours truly, 


Cheerful consideration.—The most valuable credit man in- 
variably makes customers feel that they are enjoying per- 
sonal consideration from the house. He controls the operation 
of his credit system and gradually modifies it, when necessary, 
to suit the individual needs of customers. 

In actual practice, credit letters frequently overstress the 
‘we’ attitude. The seller’s point of view dominates. Good 
will, won by strenuous effort in the sales department, is thus 
turned into ill will by an unsympathetic letter. That he must 
protect the firm against the inroads of unscrupulous dealers 
is obvious. It is, nevertheless, poor policy to limit activities 
to the negative function of self-protection, important as this 
is. Successful credit men are blessed with a lively faith that 
breaks through and transcends the mechanical methods of 


CREDIT LETTERS 319 


routine activities, but without destroying their validity. With- 
out losing sight of the necessity of safeguarding the firm’s 
capital, such credit men guide their practice by a broad 
vision which enables them to work in co6éperation with the 
sales department for the increase of sales. 

Enlightened team work is reflected in credit letters incor- 
porating the qualities of consideration and cheerfulness. A 
good credit man brings to his task not only wide and accurate 
information, power of clear analysis, and rare judgment, but 
also humanity, an optimistic view of men and business condi- 
tions, and power of diplomatic phrasing. ‘‘Codperation is 
the abundant life of commerce.” 

The following letters indicate the difference between a 
credit man who has these qualifications and one who has not. 
While revising his files, a newly appointed manager sent a 
request for a financial statement to a good credit customer, 
of eleven years’ standing, who had never furnished a financial 
statement. The closing sentences of the customer’s response 
were: “I never furnish a financial statement to anyone. You 
have got along without one from me for eleven years, and 
you will have to carry on without one.’ Can such a refusal 
be diplomatically converted into assent? In many cases it 
can, if the credit man shows resourcefulness. 

The wrong way is to antagonize the customer by tactless 
phrases, as in the letter below, which lacks the first elements 
of persuasion. 


Dear Sir: 

I am sorry to note from your favor of January 11 that you misunder- 
stood our request for the necessary financial information we expect 
annually from credit customers. 

At this time each year we mail such requests to all our customers, and 
they are always willing to supply us with the necessary data. 


So far yours is the only refusal we have received. 
I cannot understand, Mr. Cuddeback, why you insist in your refusal 


to acquaint us with your financial condition. We are required to 
make an annual report to our creditors, and willingly do so. 


Although we appreciate your business and have always valued you as 
one of our preferred customers, and wish to continue to do so, we feel 
that you should favor us with the financial statement. 


Sincerely yours, 


320 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


The right way is to sell the idea to the nettled customer. — 
The new manager realized this opportunity to demonstrate — 
his sales ability. Because of its persuasive, sympathetic tone, 
the following adroitly planned and phrased letter sold the 
idea. In this letter, negative statements make way for con- 
structive ideas presented cheerfully and considerately. 


Dear Sir: 


I am glad of the opportunity your letter of January 11 gives me to 
explain the request for a financial statement which, I am sorry to note, 
you feel casts reflections on your excellent credit standing. No reflec- 
tion whatsoever was intended. 


At this time I am revising the credit files and have requested every 
customer to fill out a form identical with the one sent to you. No 
exceptions were made, not even in the case of our customers of longest 
standing. Yours is, however, the first refusal I have received. 


We are glad to supply our creditors annually with such information 
about ourselves as we requested from you, because we feel that we 
are partners in business when we enjoy credit. Without the co-~ 
operation of our creditors we could not do business on our present 
scale, and therefore we feel they are entitled to know our exact finan- 
cial condition. 


‘That we value your business is indicated by the unlimited credit we 
have always extended to you, and by our constant effort to meet your 
needs promptly. We desire to retain you as a thoroughly satisfied 
customer, 


If it is your final decision not to furnish us with a financial statement, 
we shall accept your ultimatum, and assure you that we shall not permit 
this difference of opinion to stand between old friends. We shall always 
be ready to serve you as in the past. 


2 WEA were 


ine Very truly yours, 
(Quoted in F. H. McAdow’s Mercaniile Credits, Ronald Press.) 


Granting credit—When credit is granted, a cordial letter 
capitalizes the customer’s interest in the firm and its products. 
The letter formulates the firm’s credit policy, but it also seeks 
to tie the customer to the house by showing him that service 
is the watchword in all its dealings. 

The succeeding letter is unappreciative because it is not cor- 
dial in plan or phrasing. It is incomplete because it omits the 








CREDIT LETTERS O21 


indispensable statement of credit policy. The language and 
point of view are mechanical. 


The wrong way: 
Dear Sir: 
In response to yours of March 12, we beg to inform you that we 
have opened a credit account in your name and are handling your 
order under our number 3679, which please note for future reference. 
Hoping to receive your future orders, we remain 

Yours truly, 
The right way: 
Dear Sir: 


We are pleased to extend you, in response to your request of March 
12, our most favorable terms, 2/10, net /30. 


The information we have received concerning you is so completely favor- 
able to you personally and as a business man that we appreciate your 
choosing us to supply you with merchandise. Your order is going 
forward to-day. 2, o 

You may be assured of our complete codperation at all times and of 
our efforts to help you realize larger profits through the quick sale 
of our goods. 

We have packed with your order our latest assortment of window 
display cards, with full directions how to make the display attractive. 
At stated intervals you will likewise hear from our business promotion 
department, which is conducted exclusively for our customers, without 
charge. 


We are looking forward to pleasant business relations. 


Sincerely yours, 


The educational functions of the credit man.—The edu- 
cational functions of the enlightened credit man demand his 
continued interest in customers. Even after credit has been 
granted, the alert credit man keeps close watch of the cus- 
tomer to detect signs of weakness in the three C’s of credit. 
His alertness is prompted not only by the instinct of self- 
preservation, but also by a genuine desire to give service. As 
a prominent credit man has well said, the credit man should 
do more than function at the autopsy of a defunct business 
which foresight and codperation could have saved. If the 
dealer fails, the creditor firm loses some money, but the dealer 


322 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


is ruined. Timely expert advice often steers a dealer from the 
rocks of bankruptcy, and the dealer gains more than the 
creditor. , 

His wide knowledge of business conditions in general, and 
his intimate understanding of the individual problems of 
the firm’s customers, make the credit manager an expert and 
confidential business adviser to customers. He has valuable 
information which the dealer has not but which, to safeguard 
their common interests, are used for the dealer’s benefit. 

The progressive credit manager who gives his customers 
warning of impending bad trade conditions. and who, on the 
other hand, informs them of better conditions, wins and estab- 
lishes good will and friendship. His position is that of 
friendly counselor and adviser. Customers whose liabilities 
have grown into a dangerous proportion to assets are not 
offended when the credit man, insisting on sound business 
principles, curtails credit until the storm has been weathered. 
These same customers know that under more favorable con- 
ditions they will enjoy expansion of credit. 

The letter quoted below is a good example of how to han- 
dle a customer attempting to exceed his credit limit. Ob- 
serve how tactfully the educational material is brought for- 
ward. The letter, however, would not be as effective as it is if © 
the writer had not found an almost perfect plan. Observe, 
furthermore, that the request is refused, but that the writer 
nevertheless throws light on darkness by finding an accom- 
modation which does not jeopardize or invalidate his main 
contention. ‘The letter, therefore, although it carries a re- 
fusal, is at the same time cheerful in a very real business 
sense. It should be observed that the writer is firm and frank, 
at the same time he is friendly. 


Dear Mr. Homan: 


I have tried every way possible to convince myself that it would be 
right for me to pass for shipment your order given to Mr. Brown 
when he called upon you last week, but I simply can’t do it until you 
have been able to reduce your present open account. 


I know you will be disappointed, but I do not want you to feel at all 
hurt. It is not a question of confidence in you—our past relations 
show that. It is simply not discreet, in the present trade conditions, 
to carry an open account of more than $3000 for a store doing your 


CREDIT LETTERS 323 


volume of business. I have been strongly tempted to put this order 
through, because of my great respect for you personally, but my better 
judgment tells me it would do neither of us good. 


As none of your April invoices will be due for some weeks, I suggest 
that you send us a thirty-day note for their total, $1,127.32, which will 
permit us to fill out the present order at once. 

You may feel we are being too stiff over this matter—but if you will 
think it over, I believe you will see that what is a safe credit for us 
to give is a safe credit for you to take, and anything over that is a bad 
indebtedness for you to assume in the present state of the market. 


I hope that you will see the matter in this light, and that I will hear 
favorably from you as to the notes for the April invoices. 


Faithfully yours, 


(Quoted by permission from S. Roland Hall's “Handbook of Busi- 
ness Correspondence.’ ) 


Analysis of this letter reveals the following headings: 


(1) Subject stated. (2) Reason explained. (3) Prac- 
tical suggestion. (4) Appeal to customer’s sense of good 
business policy. (5) Practical suggestion stressed and 
action stimulated. 

Refusing credit—To urge that a letter refusing credit 
should be written so as to make a friend, sounds like giving 
counsel of perfection. Nevertheless, the applicant must be 
convinced that the refusal is made with his best interests in 
mind and that some other form of purchase is at present to his 
advantage. Educational material can be used to show how a 
smaller volume of cash purchases is more businesslike under 
present conditions, or how cash on delivery is better policy. 
The same tactful approach used with an old customer can 
be used with the new customer who has sent in his first or- 
der. By educating a customer to begin in a modest way and 
to build up his business on one of the forms of cash purchase, 
the credit man performs one of his most valuable functions, 
that of increasing the volume of sales. With sympathetic 
encouragement, many a cash customer has in this manner 
fought his way eventually to a liberal credit allowance with 
a desirable house. The letter, then, that refuses credit should 
be just as tactful and cordial as the letter that grants it—but 
in addition it should be persuasive. 


324 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


The wrong way: 


Dear Sir: 


In reply to yours of the 18th inst. we are sorry to be compelled to 
state that we must have your check before filling your order. Although 
we do not doubt your ability or honesty as a business man, nevertheless 
the information we have received is such as to justify us in requiring 
cash with the order. 


We, therefore, hope you will remit so we can fill your order promptly. 
Hoping to receive your check, we are 


Yours truly, 
The right way: 
Dear Sir: 


We thank you for your business statement of March 1, and also for the 
references, which we have used. 


We are gratified to observe your interest in our goods, and have noted 
that your references are without exception flattering to you personally. 
It appears from. a study of your assets and liabilities that you are, frankly, 
somewhat under-capitalized. We feel it our duty to speak of the 
dangerous proportion of your resources to your liabilities. With your 
personal ability and the favorable location of your business, it seems 
to us merely a question of a short time before you will be able to put 
additional capital into your business. 


Meanwhile, if you can secure an addition of $2500 to your capital, 
we shall be glad to fill your order. Our weil-considered advice, 
however, is that you cut down the order by one half at present, and 
that you advise us to ship you on a cash basis, subject to our usual 
2% discount. We can then forward the remainder in supplementary 
shipments, in case you find that your volume of trade warrants these. 
We believe you will find this arrangement sufhcient for your present 
needs. 


As soon as your business justifies an extension of credit, we shall be 
glad to codperate with you. In the meantime we are glad to give you 
our best advice and our most favorable cash terms. 


We are certain that this arrangement will appeal to you as temporarily 
satisfactory, and assure you that we are ready to make immediate ship- 
ment if you will give us a favorable reply. 


Very sincerely yours, 


Analysis of the foregoing letter reveals the following plan 
for a letter refusing credit: 


CREDIT LETTERS a2) 


1. State the subject cheerfully. Acknowledge receipt of 
information from customer and other sources. 

2. Explain the situation frankly but sympathetically. Be- 
gin with the favorable elements, and then tactfully (not apol- 
ogetically) lead into the less favorable aspects. Avoid vague 
statements. 

3. Indicate your solution of the problem. Make a definite, 
practical suggestion. 

4. Retain good will by an appeal to the customer’s sense 
of sound business policy. 

5. Offer your cooperation. Stress the practical sugges- 
tion, and stimulate action. 

The value of a firm credit policy—Whether credit is 
granted or refused, the tone of the letter is always firm and 
dignified, and the point of view is determined by the custom- 
er’s interests. The first credit letter received by the customer 
motivates all later correspondence. It indicates clearly the 
firm’s credit policy. To do this effectively, it must be specific 
and. definite in stressing the importance of credit in business. 
Close attention to motivation removes the possibility of fu- 
ture misunderstanding in case collection letters become neces- 
sary. A vague, mechanical statement that credit has been 
extended may lead the customer to believe that the seller is 
lax in his methods. | 

To prevent misconception and unpleasant eventualities, 
the first letter is specific in limiting the amount of the credit 
allowed, in stating the time limit on due bills, and in rehears- 
ing briefly but frankly the salient facts of the credit investiga- 
tion. The customer should feel that his references have been 
carefully consulted and that his rating has been investigated. 
He feels flattered to know that he has successfully passed a 
rigid investigation by a firm strict in its credit policies. At 
the same time he is impressed by the necessity of meeting 
his bills promptly if he hopes to enjoy continued good stand- 
ing. Severity is negative, but firmness is indispensable. ‘The 
tone is friendly and cooperative. 

Observe, in the following letter, how the credit correspond- 
ent shows firm but friendly codperation with an old custom- 
er experiencing temporary difficulty on account of a fire which 
cleaned him out. The letter impresses the customer with 
the seller’s desire to serve, but it at the same time reveals 


326 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


unmistakably yet tactfully that the credit man is keeping him- 
self informed. 


Dear Sir: 


We are glad that on May 1 we were able to give you an extension 
of time on your account of March 20 for $197.88. 

We realized then, as we do now, that a fire always means a temporary 
loss of trade, merchandise, and money. We showed our willingness to 
be of service on May 1, and we want to show it again now. 


We understand that your insurance money is due about July 11. We 
shall, therefore, be glad to extend your time for payment to July 15. 


Any order which you may care to send in before that time will be care- 
fully attended to, and the bill deferred until July 15. 


Sincerely yours, 


Avoid bunk.—Care should be exercised not to overstress 
the cordial element through use of effusive phrases, tending 
to arouse suspicion of the writer’s sincerity. Too much 


stress, for example, is placed on gratitude in the following 


opening sentence. In his attempt to be cordial the writer 
bends over so far that he loses his balance. 


Insincere: We are indeed glad to have your good letter of July 3 
and are very grateful for the opportunity you have given us to explain 
our policy regarding discounts. 


The unnecessary repetition of the glad idea in grateful can 
be avoided if because is used in place of the vague and. ‘This 
substitution, furthermore, eliminates the unfortunate implica- 
tion, in you have given us, that the customer has inadvertent- 
ly given the writer an advantageous opening. 


Better: We are glad to have your letter of July 3 because it gives 
us an opportunity to explain our policy regarding discounts. 


Definite statements.—Definite statements containing 


specific information are always more considerate and con- 


vincing than vague generalizations. The recipient prefers — 
facts to vague generalizations. Vague statements result from ' 


the weak use of hope and trust. In the paragraph giving a 


bit of sales talk on the first order, secure conviction by select 


ing phrases strong enough to make an impression. 





aod 


i 
z 
: 
a 
Re 


CREDIT LETTERS 327 


Weak: We hope your customers will note the high quality of our 
goods. 

Better: We are positive that . . . or We are certain that... or 
We feel sure that . . . or We are confident that . . . or The experi- 
ence of other dealers handling our goods assures us that your customers 
will note the high quality of our goods. 

Vague: Our credit and service departments will arrange everything 
for you. 

Better: Our credit and service departments attend to all details of 
promoting sales for you. (or: .. . work out plans for promoting your 
sales. ) 

Vague: We will send the ordered goods promptly. 

Better: The goods you ordered are being shipped today. (or:... 
will be shipped not later than tomorrow.) 

Vague: Vhank you for your order and the inclosed check. 

Better: Thank you for your order and the check for $93.10. 


Conclusion.—:The letter extending or refusing credit is a 
selling letter. Service is the keynote of credit letters. 


Problems for Oral and Written Solution. 


1. (Credit extension—unsolicited) Mr. J. C. Berens, 76 
Oklahoma Avenue, Tulsa, Oklahoma, hardware merchant, 
has done a cash business with your wholesale hardware sup- 
ply house for six years. During this time his orders have 
increased in size from season to season, but not to an extent 
warranted by the growth of his business. You have investi- 
gated Mr. Berens and find that he has a high rating. While, 
acknowledging his present order to the amount of $619.75, 
offer him credit facilities on your regular terms, 2/10, n/30. 
He has not applied for credit. His standing is so good that 
you have not yet placed a definite limit upon the size of his 
orders. The purpose of unsolicited credit extension is to in- 
duce the customer to concentrate his purchases. Are you go- 
ing to let this appear in the letter, or only in the spirit in 
which you write to him? Write the letter. 

2. (Credit refused—cash basis offered) Assume that you 
are credit manager of the Eastern Importing Company, 
New York, and that the following letter has come to your 
attention. 


328 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Gentlemen: 


Please send us your latest catalogue of fall importations with your 
best prices. 
For our business standing we refer you to the Union Trust Company, 
of Appleton, Wisconsin, and to the Paris Fashion Company, of New 
York. 
Yours truly, 
Petite Parisienne Gowns, Inc. 
(Appleton, Wisconsin. ) 


(a) Your investigation reveals that the applicant is a 
poor risk. Write the letter, offering cash terms (check with 
order) and prompt delivery. 

(b) You now have before you the response to your letter, 
containing an order totaling $398.85, and requesting C.O.D. 
shipment. 

Write a letter in which you thank them for the order and 
explain that it is your policy to have a ten per cent advance 
payment to insure good faith when C.O.D. shipments are 
made to distant points. You are making up the order on the 
assumption that a favorable reply is forthcoming. (Or: you 
have the shipment ready to go forward.) Be persuasive. 

3. (Persuasive letter—fire insurance) As credit manager 
of Staart, Hafner, and Max, manufacturers of men’s cloth- 
ing, Chicago, Illinois, you have noted that the Davenport 
Men’s Furnishing Company, Davenport, Iowa, has allowed 
fifty per cent of its fire insurance on goods in stock to lapse. 
As your company is carrying a large account from season 
to season, you are disturbed by the lapse of so much fire in- 
surance. Write the company, urging the taking out of new 
policies to cover the credit risk you are taking. 

Credit depends on adequate insurance. Failure to protect 
himself against fire loss is frequently taken as an indication 
that the merchant’s business methods are more or less loose. 
When his stock-is properly insured, the merchant can pay his 
obligations in case of fire, and give himself a fresh start 
too. The cost of insurance is an expense item to be figured 
into the cost of selling goods. It is poor policy for the 
merchant and for you to economize by carrying a fire risk. 
Perhaps you can help him get a lower rate. Ask whether 
the local rate is excessive, and what the rate is. 


CREDIT LETTERS 329 


Write the letter with the object of securing a favorable re- 
sponse. Be firm but friendly. Use facts like those in the 
preceding. paragraphs. 

4. (Order released—write for references) Johng and 
Docier, 258 Flint Street, Topeka, Kansas, sent in a grocery 
order amounting to $168.40. Although this is their first or- 
der, they submitted no statement or references. Because 
the preliminary investigation, based on data in your mer- 
cantile rating books, showed a high rating, the order was 
passed for immediate shipment, as requested. 

(a) As credit correspondent in the credit and collection 
department of Hight and Hight, Wholesale Grocers, 40 
Water Street, Chicago, you are now writing to Johns and 
Docier, requesting that they fill in the inclosed property state- 
ment and supply the usual bank and trade references. Johns 
and Docier seem to be desirable customers. Acknowledge 
their order and state the action you have taken. Welcome 
them as new customers. Ask for credit information. Antici- 
pate objections that might stand in the way of a favorable 
response. 

(b) Assume that Johns and Docier have complied with 
your request. Write to the two wholesale grocers they have 
given as references, asking for the necessary credit infor- 
mation. 

5. As correspondent in the credit department of the State- 
son Hat Company, Danbury, Connecticut, you are asked to 
write a letter to Arthur Penrhyn, Cornell, Iowa, who has 
asked your company to install a hat department with a rep- 
resentative stock of autumn and winter hats. 

Mr. Penrhyn, three years ago, added men’s furnishings 
to his tailoring business. He has done well, but feels that 
he can increase his sales by starting a hat department. He 
submitted a complete statement with references. As his 
store is favorably located to secure the profitable student 
trade of the local college, he feels that he is sure of success 
once he has a start. Salesmen have approached him several 
times with an offer to stock him, but he knows that the State- 
son hat has the surest chance of winning student trade. 

He lacks capital for the expansion. Your company sells on 
a strictly credit basis only, to properly financed dealers. Could 
he find a partner with capital? You have given his request 


330 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


serious consideration. His assets are not sufficient to war-| 
rant expansion at this time. Unwise expansion now would 
jeopardize success he has already made. 

Although you must refuse him now, urge him to save 
enough to begin in a small way next season. Add a sales 
paragraph to keep him sold on your hats. ‘Tell him he can- 
not get the merchandise desired by his trade unless he has 
capital enough to discharge his obligations at maturity. 

6. As credit manager of the Bonhope Toilette Requisites. 
Company, you are personally handling the credit problem of 
Dye Brothers’ Department Store, Denver, Colorado. 

The Bonhope Company has been selling a fair order each 
season to this store. During the last three months disquiet- 
ing reports have been made about the financial standing of 
Dye Brothers. Most companies have cut down on shipments 
to Dye Brothers, and conservative houses have refused to 
grant further credit. “These companies are relying on reports 
from mercantile agencies as well as on rumors. 

Your salesman in the Denver territory has made a quiet 
personal investigation which reveals that Dye Brothers, with 
plenty of money, have been caught in their building expansion 
by the rising cost of material and labor. Their money is tem- 
porarily tied up in the construction of a new building. 

Write a letter to Dye Brothers. Tell them frankly that 
you know other companies have cut down or shut down on 
orders. You will ship merchandise to the extent of their 
needs. Grant an extension of time. Dye Brothers must, 
however, pay interest. The letter must be dignified, firm, and 
yet friendly. Your immediate aim is to cultivate good will. 
Your ultimate aim is to put your company in a position to 
get the major part or perhaps even the entire toilet requi- 
sites business of this large department store. 

7. John Miller, aged twelve, has written to the Interna- 
tional Postage Stamp Company, Riverhead, New Jersey, re- 
questing a set of stamps mounted on approval sheets. The 
value of the stamps is about thirty dollars. John Miller plans 
to sell stamps to his schoolmates and neighborhood acquaint- 
ances, many of whom are making stamp collections. He 
specified approval sheets containing low and medium-priced 
stamps. 

Write a letter to the boy, Palisade, New Jersey, explain- 





CREDIT LETTERS 331 





ing your policy. You do not send approval sheets whose value 
is in excess of five dollars unless a minor has the signature of 
his father or some other responsible person as security for a 
larger amount. Asa large part of your business is with young 
people, write so as to secure a favorable response. (Compare 
‘the letter on page 238 for an appropriate style in letters 
to children.) 
8. Assume that ten days ago you filled and shipped a first 
‘order to John Black, Buttalo, Wyoming. He did not sub- 
mit references, but has since supplied them. You have in- 
vestigated his three references, which reported favorably. 
You are about to write a letter notifying Mr. Black that you 
have extended the credit for which he asked with his first or- 
‘der. You are credit correspondent in the office of the Omaha 
“Wholesale Hardware Company, 14-26 Bulletin Street, Oma- 
ha, Nebraska. Write the letter. 

How many letters have been written to date in connection 
with the opening of the account for Mr. Black? 

In a sentence for each state specifically the function of each 
letter. 

9. A first order from A. C. Bird, hardware merchant, 
Oswego, New York, for a miscellaneous shipment of carpen- 
ters’ tools, was referred to you, the credit manager of the 
Hartman-Seals Company, Buffalo, N. Y. Mr. Bird wants 
immediate shipment. Building is brisk, he reports. ‘The or- 
der is for $180.67. You found his rating to be good and 
approved the order. ‘The shipment went forward yester- 
day. Write Mr. Bird the kind of letter the situation demands. 

10. Mr. A. J. Burton, Rome, N. Y., has requested credit 
with his first order for boxed chocolates from the Metropoli- 
tan Candy Company, Boston, Mass. He submitted a financial 
statement and references, both of which you have found sat- 
isfactory. The merchandising policy of your company allows 
an exclusive agency for your candies in cities with a popula- 
tion of 50,000 or under. As you already have a satisfac- 
tory agency in Rome, N. Y., you must refuse Mr. Burton’s 
request. Analyze the following sentences. Are they appro- 
priate in the letter of refusal? Why look up Mr. Burton’s 
references? Do these sentences show that the Metropolitan 
Candy Company is a good business builder? After you have 


SoZ MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


answered these questions, write the complete letter to Mr. 
Burton. 


(1) I am filing your letter, and if for any reason our agent should 
discontinue handling our goods, or if the population of Rome should 
exceed 50,000, we shall be happy to enter negotiations with you, as I 
feel sure our business relations would be mutually profitable. 

(2) Should any change in our policy, or future conditions, reveal 
the need of another agent in Rome, you may expect to hear from us. 

(3) Nevertheless, we are glad to place your reference information 
on file, and should an agency opening occur at any time in the future, 
we shall promptly inform you. 

(4) To place ourselves in a position to be of immediate service to 
you in case we should later make a change in your city, we have investi- 
gated your credit references. 

(5) We are genuinely sorry that our house policy does not permit 
us to enter into active business relationship with you at this time. 


11. Criticize and rewrite the following sentences from 
credit letters. In each case give a specific reason for your 
revision. 

(1) To anew customer who has failed to deposit ten per cent with 
his order to the nurseryman: In view of the fact that we have received 
no reply to our letter of December 10, acknowledging your order of 
December 6, we find it necessary to tell you that unless we receive an 
immediate reply with the ten per cent cash required against trees which 
we hold on order, we shall have to cancel your order and release the 
trees to some other customer. 

(2) (a) We hope you will have full confidence in our fall hats. 
(b) We are certain that your confidence in us is not misplaced and that 
your customers will be more than satisfied in every respect with our 
latest design of fall hats. 

(3) Hoping that you will send the necessary references by return 
mail so we can fill your order soon, we are, yours truly. 

(4) We hope that we will hear from you favorably about the 
required property statement. 

(5) Hoping that you will fill out the property blank as suggested 
and thanking you in advance, we are, yours truly. 

(6) We are greatly pleased indeed to have your generous order so 
kindly placed with our Mr. Kincaid last week. 

(7) \Dearzoin: 

Everything has been O.K.’d in this office, Mr. Burns, and your request 


for a line of credit, as per yours of the 5th inst., has therefore gone - 


through, so that you may hereafter feel assured of our continued in- 
terests in your business, 


* ni 





Hoping for repeat orders on men’s furnishings, we beg to remain, 
(Write a modern letter to Mr. Burns, dealer in dry goods and men’s 
furnishings, Annabel, Missouri. State your credit terms.) 

| (8) Rephrase the following sentences to make them sound more 
‘convincing: (a) Perhaps our sales helps would help you increase your 
profits. (b) You will find our credit terms, 3/10 n/30, quite satisfac- 
tory, we are sure. 

| (9) We are looking forward to many years of mutually pleasant 
‘and profitable business relations between us. 

(10) Revise the following sentences for compactness (adjectives 
and adverbs weaken this paragraph): Various trade journals show 
‘that you are favorably situated in a growing locality where a great 
deal of building is now going on. ‘This lively construction, without 
a doubt, creates a great demand for carpenters’ tools, especially reliable 
hammers. Frequent reports from our customers tell us unmistakably 
that our hammers are of a superior quality. This certainly will insure 
you ready and prompt sales and also at the same time satisfied 
customers. 
| (11) Which form is preferable? Why? (a) We took the lib- 
erty of sending your goods C.O.D. rather than delay shipment. 
(6b) We decided to send your goods... 

(12) We are taking the liberty of sending you a property state- 
‘ment to be filled out. 

(13) Our present policy demands that all customers must fill out 
a property statement before credit can be extended. 

(14) Our terms are two per cent discount, if paid in ten days, 
net thirty days. 

(15) Revise the following vague sentences from letters to a new 
customer: (a) Our customer business promotion department will be 
only too glad to assist you in any way possible and at any time. 

(b) You will find our business service department and credit depart- 
ment ready to assist you in every way possible. (c) We prefer obtain- 
ing information like this direct from the customer and know you will 
appreciate why we do it. 


CREDIT LETTERS 333 
| 


12. (To a cash customer who is prospering) : 


Dear Sir: 


Thank you for your order of February 20 with the check for $187.60. 
The goods were shipped yesterday by American Railway Express, 
according to your instructions. 


We have appreciated your orders, and to facilitate future transactions 
we desire to offer you the advantages of an open account with us. 


334 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 4 


Our favorable terms of 3/10, net 30, are at your disposal whenever you | 
care to use them with nae orders. | 


You may be assured of our interest in your prosperity and of our. 
| 
endeavor to serve you as in the past. | 
a | 
| 


Very truly yours, 


13. Compare the blunt and the considerate form, and) 
point out what makes one blunt and the other considerate, in) 
material used, arrangement, phrasing, etc. 


Blunt: Your refusal to comply with our request for a financial 
statement confirms the adverse reports we have received from many 
quarters concerning your financial standing. Business discretion would 
justify our refusal to fill your order on any but a cash basis. You, 
may wish to withdraw your order; if such is the case, it will be satis- 
factory to us. 

Considerate: In your case the unfavorable reports which have 
been coming to us force us to insist upon the statement before we are 
able to fill your order. Do not think your case an unusual one. We 
simply do not have sufficient favorable information at hand upon | 
which to base credit. We trust you will appreciate our desire to. 
cooperate with you and thus enable you to receive the ordered goods 
promptly. ‘ 


14. (To a customer whose order has been held up bee 
cause he refused to submit a financial report.) A 


Gentlemen: 


We greatly appreciate the frank, straightforward manner in which . 
you replied to our letter asking for a property statement. A good | 
understanding of the other man’s point of view often leads to a mutually 
satisfactory agreement. 


It is an established policy of our firm to request a property statement | 
from all our customers. ‘The information we receive in this way is 


strictly confidential. | 


Our credit department, by an analysis of the statement sent in by our | 
customers, is often able to suggest plans enabling the customer | 
enjoy the most favorable credit terms. 







You are one of our most valued customers. We have a personal | 
interest in your welfare. Unsolicited information has come to us 
from several sources stating that your credit standing is unsatisfactory. 


Your fair and honorable treatment of us in the past, and the excellent 
credit rating you have always maintained with our firm, have led us 


CREDIT LETTERS RRP: 


to believe that you will be anxious to refute any statements which 
have been made to your discredit. 


In view of the foregoing facts, I am sure you will want to give us 
substantial evidence of your good financial condition by filling out the 
inclosed property statement. We are just as anxious to have this 
gossip silenced as you are. 

Very truly yours, 


15. Criticize the tone of the opening paragraph of the 
following letter in response to one from the dealer who com- 
plained because his first order had been sent C.O.D.  Pre- 
pare a good opening paragraph. Rewrite the letter. 


Dear Sir: 
Congratulations on your financial condition. 


On your order you specified immediate delivery. Since we had no 
financial statement or references from you, we had to ship the goods 
C.O.D. This is a house policy. We pursue the same course in 
every similar case. 


We feel sure that you will fill out the inclosed blank and mail it 
in the inclosed stamped envelope. We are glad to do the same for 
houses with which we deal. 

Yours truly, 


16. Analyze the following letter. Point out its good qual- 
ities. Phrase the corethought in a compact sentence. 


Mr. Richard Debtor, 
Debtor & Co., 
Roeville, Ind. 


Dear Mr. Debtor, 


I am mighty glad to learn from your letter just received that you are 
going into the fall business with as excellent prospects as you antici- 
pated when you called here three weeks ago and placed that very nice 
order with us. It is certainly pleasant to get good news like this from 
a friend. 


You tell me that you have invested in an auto truck for your business 
and that you are able to save storage charges by housing it in your 
own factory building. I am sure that you have calculated well and 
that the truck will cut down your expenses. 


I wonder, however, whether you have had your insurance reviewed 
by your insurance broker in Roeville. You were so courteous in tak- 


336 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


ing my advice as to insurance a year ago that I venture to suggest now 
that you go over the policy with your broker and make sure that 
there are no mistakes in it. 

The fact that you now have an automobile in your factory building 
will, I think, change the rates somewhat on your policy, and in fact 
may even invalidate it entirely in case of fire. 


I know you too well to think that you will resent this suggestion. 
In fact, I have at various times suggested to our good customers that 
it is well to have insurance policies revised from time to time in order 
that in case of fire damage the policy does what it is intended to do, 
namely, protect all concerned. 


With good wishes for a big season, I am 
Cordially yours, 


B. N. Serviss. 
Credit Manager. 


17. Criticize the following letter from a large New York 
department store. Rewrite the letter. 


Dear Madam: 


We notice it is your custom to purchase goods from us on a cash 
basis, which method is not always considered the most convenient by 
our patrons. | 


If you prefer to have the advantage of a charge account, we shall be 
pleased to add your name to our list upon receipt of the inclosed card 
with your name and address affixed. 


Kindly permit us to take this occasion to express our appreciation of 
past favors, the continuance of which it shall be our endeavor to merit. 


Yours very truly, 
Credit Manager. 


thy os 


CHAPTER XI 
COLLECTION LETTERS 


The relation between credits and collections is intimate. 
When the customer fails to honor his indebtedness at matur- 
ity, his account automatically becomes past due. Having 
passed upon the account at the beginning and having kept in 
touch with it since, the credit man is familiar with the busi- 
ness standing of the debtor. In most firms, therefore, col- 
lections are handled in the credit department. When a sepa- 
rate department is responsible, the two departments must 
necessarily work in close cooperation. 

Because of the human factor in business, the most care- 
fully devised system of credit supervision does not always 
detect conditions militating against prompt payment. ‘The 
credit investigation eliminates as many as possible of the bad 
risks and poor risks at the outset. Undetected factors or 
changing conditions are responsible for the customer’s failure 
to pay. To collect as expeditiously as possible, the credit 
department continues to function by means of collection letters. 

Grouping credit customers for collections.—To begin 
with, at the date of maturity the credit man knows simply 
that the customer has not met his obligation. Collection let- 
ters are then utilized to call the debtor’s attention to the 
overdue account. As all failures to pay cannot be traced to 
the same cause, it is important to discover in which of the fol- 
lowing groups the debtor can be classified. This grouping 
does not include customers who are verging on insolvency or 
who are discovered to be fraudulent, because letters to such 
customers are not, strictly speaking, collection letters. 

1. Customers who overlook accounts simply because of 
negligence or poor business methods. 

2. Customers who disregard due-dates because of the 
smallness of the account. 

3. Customers who disregard due-dates because they can 

337 


338 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


‘set away with it,” or (and) because it is more profitable 
to them to use the creditor’s money than the bank’s. 

4, Customers who take advantage of unearned discounts 
because they can ‘“‘get away with it,” and because it is profit- 
able to them to take these discounts. 

5. Customers who are temporarily slow (but who usual- 
ly pay on time). They can pay on time when the due-dates 
of the creditor’s bills coincide with the seasonal high points 
in their own business, and they make the creditor wait when 
these periods do not coincide. 

6. Customers who are chronically slow. 

7. Customers who are temporarily embarrassed, owing 
to local or general trade conditions: for example, strikes, crop 
failures, general depression, and so forth. 

Definition.—‘‘A good collection letter is one that obtains 
the payment of a past-due account and retains the good will 
of the customer.” ! 

Business service in collection letters——The immediate 
object of collections is to obtain payment. While accom-- 
plishing this purpose, the collection man must retain the good 
will of the customer so that future sales are not jeopardized. 
Good will can be retained by rendering business service, which 
represents one of the highest forms of salesmanship. If 
rightly practiced, it ties the customer to the seller by cre- 
ating a strong bond of friendship. The seller works sym- 
pathetically with the debtor, pointing out his difficulties and 
helping him constructively to overcome them. Intelligence, 
tact, sound judgment, a constructive view of business in 
general, and sympathetic consideration of the individual case 
are prerequisites to success in writing collection letters incor- 
porating practical suggestions intended to be of help to the 
customer. These qualities are revealed in the following help- 
ful letter from a shirt manufacturer in Pennsylvania to a 
dealer in a small town in Oregon. 


Dear Sir: 


We learned with regret from your letter of May 25 that business 
has been bad with you and that you are at present operating at a loss. 


*This definition, together with the preceding grouping of credit customers, 
is taken from “Effective Collection Letters” by Tregoe and Whyte (Prentice- 
Hall, Inc., 1924). Many of the specimen letters quoted in this chapter are 
from the same book. 





COLLECTION LETTERS 900 


Of course, we all realize that you cannot continue to lose money and 
that something will have to be done, if the business which you expect 
the middle of this month does not materialize. 


On an expense of $650 a month your sales should amount in the gross 
to about $2600, so it is our suggestion that you look into every penny 
of these expenses to see if they cannot be cut down to a very large extent. 
No doubt, you have more shirts than you need. We shall take back 
and credit unbroken lots, provided they are in good condition. Please 
write us at once what goods you intend shipping back, so that we may 
look for them. 

We know you realize that the situation is serious, but on the other 
hand, we feel that it will be best taken care of in your own hands and 
that you will do everything possible to increase sales and reduce expenses. 


Please keep us posted closely as to developments. 


Yours very truly, 


Cheerfulness in collection letters—The helpful tone of 
the preceding letter results from optimistic and constructive 
consideration of the customer’s predicament. The negative- 
minded credit man, on the other hand, becomes suspicious 
the moment he scents trouble. By losing patience and judg- 
ment, and applying the full rigors of the collection system, 
he may easily change the customer’s discomfort into distress. 
When the customer is temporarily embarrassed, the collec- 
tion man can help him by throwing light on dark places, 
which are usually so black that the customer cannot pene- 
trate them without the expert advice of the creditor’s man 
whose function it is to analyze and interpret financial state- 
ments with a view to bettering the customer’s position. 

Consideration in collection letters——Genuine considera- 
tion of the customer’s business needs, in so far as credits are 
involved, is reflected in the writer’s ability to visualize his 
customer, make his letter fit the individual, and adapt his 
language by use of the “‘you”’ attitude. Stereotyped insin- 
cerities should be avoided. 

Visualize the debtor.—The first step in successful visual- 
ization establishes the type. Is the customer a dealer in a 
small town or large city? Is his business large or small? 
The second step individualizes the customer. What are his 
sales, the ratio of cash sales to credit sales, his capital, indebt- 
edness, etc.? As sources of information, the resourceful 


340 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


writer consults the files, traveling salesmen, and the customer 
himself. The following paragraph shows the right attitude: 


We want to thank you for sending us the statement showing your 
condition as of January 1, and also for telling us of the conditions 
existing down there, and of your ambitions for the ensuing year. ‘There 
isn’t any question that you have the determination to get all the business 
there is that is coming to you, and when all is said and done, the deter- 
mination to do a thing is about two thirds of it. 


If sufficient data are lacking to make a tolerably complete 
visualization, protective phrases like the following can be 
used, which cannot give offense, but which do make a favor- 
able impression because they indicate the effort to. consider 
carefully the debtor’s individual case. The following para- 
graph is from the middle of a creditor’s long business ser- 
vice letter to a hardware dealer. 


If you do not have slow movers or stickers on your shelves—then are 


you advertising, are you creating good will among your customers and— 


prospective customers? I don’t want you to take exception to these 
questions. Since I have never seen your store, I don’t know what kind 
of a business you have. Some of these questions might not apply to you 
at all. But on the other hand, if any of them do, I sincerely hope 
that this letter will be helpful. 


The following paragraph is the second from the last 
in a creditor’s long business service letter to a furniture deal- 
er. The protective phrases used in this and the foregoing 
paragraphs are especially conciliating when reports from road 
salesmen or district agents are not available as helps to visu- 
alization. 


Of course I haven’t seen your place and, as I said before, you must 


have a very nice store. I am not in a position, really, to make sug- 


gestions, but it does look as though your expenses in 1923 were entirely 


out of line. If your volume of business fell to $3000 a month, then — 


it seems that expenses should have been cut because, with the expenses 
of $1000 a month, it means you have had to average a net profit of 


33% on every sale you made in order actually to pay your expenses. — 
Of course, that isn’t good business. If sales are still down, I certainly 


would do everything possible to cut this expense to the very minimum. — 


Be specific_—The process of visualization uncovers specific — 


material focusing on the case of the individual debtor. Noth- 


a 


1 





COLLECTION LETTERS 341 


ing is quite so irritating to the debtor as to discover that his 
case is, in reality, not being considered, except in a general 
and perfunctory way. Why so many correspondents fail to 
tie up specifically with the customer is one of the mysteries 
of business correspondence. Imagination is not necessary 
here. All the writer needs is routine information concern- 
ing the debtor’s paying record, local and general trade con- 
ditions as they affect him, his expenses, his sales, his credit 
accommodations, and so forth. ‘These details are available 
and tangible. “They should be utilized to make the collec- 
tion letter specific. 

Observe how the following paragraph states a general 
business principle as it affects hardware merchants, and how 
the principle is immediately applied specifically to the individ- 
ual debtor. 


In the first place, you know that a hardware merchant has to turn his 
stock three or four times a year before he can make very much money 
out of his business. With two turn-overs he might possibly get by 
and not lose any money, but he couldn’t make any. In figuring your 
sales for the year, that is, multiplying your average monthly sale of 
$812 by 12, your total sales for the year are only $9744. Your stock 
is $6839.42, so that by the time you have added to this your mark-up 
or profit on the merchandise, you will find that you have turned your 
stock actually less than one time. ‘That is the first thing that is wrong— 
in fact, it is the big thing. 


Suppose he had written as follows (after the statement 
of principle) : 


It must be that you are not getting the proper rate of turnover, with 
the result that your business is not profitable. 


Such a vague generalization does not point out definitely 
where the dealer falls short. Confidence in the generalization 
is not possible because the debtor cannot see the steps lead- 
ing to the conclusion, and he may even suspect that his case 
has not been specifically analyzed at all. By using definite 
figures, known to the debtor, the collection man supplies tan- 
gible evidence convincing to the debtor, who welcomes it as 
expert advice from a friendly source. 

Use the “you” attitude——The importance of the “‘you”’ 
attitude has already been emphasized in preceding chapters. 


342 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


It is as important in collection letters as in other types of cor- 
respondence. 

The writer must not become self-conscious in avoiding 
‘“‘we,”’ for the true “‘you”’ attitude does not mean the com- 
plete or near-complete elimination of the second person pro- 
noun. A letter may have as many “we’s” as “‘you’s’” and 
still show more real service than a letter in which the ‘‘we’s”’ 
have been artificially pared down to the irreducible minimum. 
The true ‘‘you”’ attitude is that of sympathetic consideration. 
In collection letters, more especially, which of necessity stress 
the interdependence of creditor and debtor, it is unwise, if 
not impossible, to limit artificially the use of “we.” ‘The fol- 
lowing paragraph, for instance, contains four /’s, and the 
same perpendicular pronoun occurs four times in the short 
closing paragraph of this three-page letter. Yet no one can 
fail to observe that the paragraphs breathe an atmosphere 


of service. The “you” attitude lies deeper than words. 


The financial statement you sent just reached us. I know from the 
manner in which you write that you desire a frank statement. Now, I 
am not going to pretend that I can tell you how to correct whatever 
is wrong with your business, but I do hope to be of some assistance 
in possibly pointing out to you something you may have overlooked 
which is now causing you embarrassment in your business. 

* * * * * 


I sincerely hope, Mr. Wurlley, that something I have said may be 
useful. I shall very much appreciate hearing from you at any time. 


Be sincere.—The collection letter has character if the 
language expresses the writer’s individuality, or, if he must 
conform to house character, the individuality of the creditor 
firm. Just as the reader should be visualized, so the letter 
should bring up before the debtor ‘‘a picture not merely of 
a dictating machine, but of a pulsing human being with 
strongly defined characteristics.” 

Mechanical locutions are insincere. They show a cold, 
formal approach that militates against the possibility of free 
expression of personality. Stereotyped phrases are especially 
to be avoided in letters concerned with the debtor’s most 
intimate and confidential affairs, with the very life of his 


business—capital, liabilities, and methods of conducting his” 


business. The collection man who can do nothing more than 


COLLECTION LETTERS 343 


“beg to advise” shrinks from the truth. ‘The fatal issue is 
that the debtor shrinks from such a man. Mutual confidence, 
so essential in settling collection problems, is not stimulated 
by the use of trite expressions. 

For the same reason, strained, overcourteous phrasings 
are to be shunned. When genuinely used, “‘please,” “kindly,” 
and “thank you” never grow wearisome. In this connection 
the student is asked to refer to the paragraphs discussing 
“bunk,” on page 326. 

The following letter, to a debtor who is granted an ex- 
tension, is not elegant, but it does suggest that the extension 
is whole-heartedly granted. As an expert has said of this 
letter, ‘It has a human, personal, folksy tone that appeals to 
the debtor’? who gets many mechanical letters. Observe its 
manly directness. ‘There is no straining after the polite effect. 


Gentlemen: 

The writer wants to thank you personally for your very frank letter 
of January 25. Everybody is up against it at one time or another. 
We have been ourselves. That is just exactly why we are going to 
help you. 

Don’t worry about that account with us, even if it is past due. Forget 
it for ninety days. We are going to ask you to sign a note covering 
that period. By that time things will undoubtedly look better. 

We wouldn’t do a favor like this for every one, but we know that you 
are all right. We want you to build up a good busniess, and we 
are going to help you. 

It is a pleasure to have people know that we sell service as well as 
“best Quality” merchandise. 


Just sign the note and return it to us promptly. 
Very cordially yours, 


Insincere: On looking through our credit files we were surprised to 
discover that your bill of March 7 had not been paid. 


The length of collection letters.—A curt request for pay- 
ment has the sound of a dunning letter. Collection letters 
should be compact, but as has been explained in a previous 
chapter, compactness is relative. Although the dealer’s time 
must be conserved, a considerate letter of moderate length 
on the intimate subject of indebtedness can be relied upon 
to receive careful reading. ‘This is true, certainly, of debtors 


344 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


who have replied to collection letters, their replies being evi- 
dence that your letters are receiving attention. Letters ex- 
plaining terms, extension of time, creditor’s refusal to allow 
unearned discounts, and other significant details, are justifiably 
developed to some length. The foregoing quotations illus- 
trate how expansion of ideas is used to create good will. Busi- 
ness service letters of this type are often as long as three 
pages. The reason is that analysis of the debtor’s financial 
condition demands simplification, so that the inexpert dealer 
may have a clear understanding of the situation, and sim- 
plification. means amplification. Tregoe and Whyte, credit 
and collection experts, make the following observation in 
their “Effective Collection Letters’; “In their review of 
thousands of collection letters, the authors have found that 
credit men sin against brevity more frequently than against 
length.” 

System in collections—A firm credit policy insures 
prompt collections. Firmness is doubly valuable at two critical 
moments in the business relation between creditor and debtor. 
At the outset, the customer should understand his obligations. 
The second critical time is the first due date. Observant col- 
lection men have noted that new customers very frequently 
turn up time-worn excuses to feel out the creditor. Their ob- 
ject is to discover whether he is easy in making collections 
or whether he has a fair but firm policy of insisting that all 
credit agreements are strictly observed. ‘The customer’s re- 
spect for a house increases in proportion to its success in 
holding him to his credit agreements. He will pay promptly 
where he knows promptness is necessary if he hopes to enjoy 
continued shipments on a credit basis. He will be lax where 
he knows he can disregard due dates with impunity. 

The secret of successful collections is found in a definite 
collection policy revealing itself in a collection system that 
begins to function on the day the customer fails to make pay- 
ment. A firm but flexible system, suited to the special needs 
of the creditor’s customers, picks up the delinquent customer 
relentlessly the moment he does not live up to the credit 
agreement. It does so relentlessly, but not heartlessly, for 
the object is not only to obtain the money but also to retain 
good will. ‘The most efficient collection man, therefore, is 
not the one who collects with the smallest percentage of loss 


COLLECTION LETTERS 345 


to his firm. Almost any man could collect due bills with a 
nearly one hundred per cent score, if obtaining the remit- 
tance were the only objective. The problem of collections 
is not so simple. The best collection man is the one who 
secures the highest percentage of payments with the lowest 
percentage of loss of good will. To secure such results, he 
must be firm and systematic in following up delinquent debtors. 

There are two methods of approach: (1) He may use 
form letters arranged in a collection sequence. (2) He may 
give the debtor individual treatment. In practice these two 
methods are found combined in cases where protracted cor- 
respondence is necessary. 

The collection sequence.— The collection sequence is made 
up of statements, formal notices, and form letters arranged 
in a series. he tone of each succeeding unit grows more in- 
sistent until a climax is reached. 

When such a series is employed, it is important that the 
timing (the interval between mailings) is properly adjusted 
to the credit standing of the debtor. ‘The good risk will 
not receive letters as frequently as the poor risk. In a series 
of six or seven letters designed for the average debtor, and 
rising to a climax rapidly, the mailing interval is short, from 
five days to a week. 

The letters to the poor risk are, moreover, more insist- 
ent in their demand for money. What may seem a mild 
letter to the habitually delinquent debtor, who is accustomed 
to dunning, would seem harsh to a good risk. ‘The rapid-fire 
timing would also be offensive to the good risk who is tem- 
porarily behind in his payments. 

The fact is that the form-letter collection sequence is me- 
chanical, in both the construction and phrasing of the indi- 
vidual units and in the operation of the system as a whole. 
It is not easily adaptable to special cases, of which there are 
always many. Even the most ardent advocates of the collec- 
tion series are repeatedly faced with the necessity of changing 
to individual treatment when the debtor ignores repeated re- 
minders and form letters. In any event, the sequence must 
be dropped as soon as he responds but does not pay. He 
may make excuses, or request an extension. Individual treat- 
ment is essential for the proper consideration of questions 
raised in the response. 


346 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


The collection sequence is, therefore, better adapted for 
use by department stores collecting from consumers, and by 
wholesale houses or jobbers having many small past-due ac- 
counts. Manufacturers, and wholesalers with a less numerous 
clientele, find individual treatment more efficient. The reason 
is that ultimate consumers are, as a rule, unbusinesslike, 
or at least less awake to the necessity of meeting obligations 
promptly. Credit extension, moreover, is less definite and 
explicit between, for example, a large department store and © 
its charge customers. ‘The dealer, however, usually under- 
stands the importance of good credit rating. He soon real- 
izes the close connection between prompt payments and quick 
service in shipment of goods to replenish his depleted stock. 

When form letters are used, the collection sequence should 
be changed from season to season or at least from year to 
year, so that the customer is not faced repeatedly with the 
identical letters. As soon as he realizes that he is being 
bombarded with forms, the message does not “reach” him. 

A typical collection sequence of seven units is made up 
somewhat as follows (for use by manufacturers, wholesalers, 
and jobbers with many small accounts). 

1. A statement is sent when the bill falls due. 

2. A second statement is sent after ten days or two weeks 
(with well-rated customers of department stores after thirty 
days) with a formal notice (rubber stamped on the state- 
ment, or printed on a separate slip which can be attached 
to the statement) to the effect that the account is past due 
and that immediate payment will be appreciated. The lan-— 
guage of the notice should always be formal, but correct and 
explicit. 

3. A formal printed reminder is sent after ten days (or 
thirty days with ultimate consumers) have elapsed. . 

4. With good risks a series of three formal typed letters 
may now follow with brief intervals between letters. In these 
form letters the tone grows more insistent from letter to 
letter. One of the appeals listed and explained below is used 
in each letter. With poor risks an individual letter is sent 
in place of the form letters. ‘This requests the reason for con- 
tinued silence. 

5. With good risks an individual letter is sent, request- 
ing payment, or a response stating why the account is not 


COLLECTION LETTERS 347 


paid. Note that this letter to the good risk is not sent until 
after he has received the three formal appeals referred to in 
the preceding heading. With poor risks, a form letter or 
individual letter may appeal to the customer’s fear by sug- 
gesting that the account will be turned over to a collection 
agency or that a suit will be started. 

A collection sequence may be much shorter than the fore- 
going typical series. A creditor, for example, handling per- 
ishable goods where purchases are made constantly and at 
‘short intervals, was willing to close out an account in less 
than one month. The sequence rose to its climax in the third 
letter, which is dated twenty-four days after the first letter. 


(1) February 1: 
Dear Mr. Debtor: 


The attached statement shows your account to be past due, but sep 
is more important, it shows we are not getting your business, and we 
want it. 


a 


Use your credit with us. 
Very truly yours, 


(2) February 8: 
Dear Mr. Debtor: 


In our last letter about your account we mentioned the fact that it 
was past due, but we stressed the point that we were not getting your 
business, and we invited you to use your credit with us. 


It is not our object to get your money and close your account, but, as 
it stands, your account is of no benefit to us. We must have payment, 
and we hope for more business. 


Very truly yours, 


(3) February 25: 
Dear Mr. Debtor: 


We have been honestly trying to sell you the idea that we wanted 
not only payment but also your business as well, and we have invited 
you to use your credit with us again. 


You have neither paid, nor answered our letters, so we have turned the 
account over to our attorneys. 


Very truly yours, 


348 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


The length of the collection sequence and the rising 
strength of the successive units must be determined by con- 
sideration of the kind of business carried on and the type 
of customer served. 

Individual treatment of delinquent debtors.—With the 
delinquent dealer who does not respond to the second state- 
ment, the most effective method is to write an individual let- 
ter, calling his attention to the past-due account and request- 
ing immediate payment or an explanation. The advantage 
of the individual letter is that it usually brings a response, 
even if not payment. The collection man is then in a strate- 
gic position to handle the debtor intelligently and sympathet- 
ically. If the first letter obtains no response, additional 
individual letters may be sent at brief intervals. 

When the dealer responds, he may write, for example, 
that he is temporarily embarrassed and that he desires an 
extension. A letter like that on page 343 may then be sent. 
When conditions warrant aid, the creditor should at the very 
least name a definite date for payment. He may ask the debtor 
to give a note, which with interest is due on an agreed date. 
Many customers who are lax in meeting due dates realize 
their obligation at maturity when a note must be paid. The 
note, moreover, is an advantage to the creditor in that it 
affords evidence of indebtedness, in case legal proceedings 
become necessary. A note, again, is advantageous because 
the creditor can discount it at the bank. Whatever the policy, 
it must impress the customer with its fairness and firmness as 
applied to his individual case. 

Appeals in collection letters.—In form letters and in- 
dividual letters alike, the appeal may be to the customer’s sense 
of: (1) honor, (2) self-interest, (3) business pride, (4) 
fairness. 

1. The appeal to honor.—The appeal to honor is very 
effective if, at the time of credit extension, the customer was 
fully informed of the terms on which he received credit. If 
he fails to pay at maturity, he has broken the credit contract 
to which he bound himself by accepting the shipment on 
stated credit terms. As the vast majority of business men 
are honest, there are usually extenuating circumstances which 
it is the duty of the collection man to discover by means of 


COLLECTION LETTERS 349 


correspondence. ‘The fact remains that the contract has been 
broken because the customer has not met his obligations. 

The appeal to honor stresses the contractual obligation. 
Unless credit men take seriously their duty of educating their 
customers to a keen realization of the sanctity of credit ob- 
ligations, the whole structure of modern business is seriously 
endangered. With fully 85 per cent of business carried on 
by means of credit, as it is, business men and consumers must 
be made to feel that it is essential for the welfare of all to 
observe credit terms scrupulously. Loose credits and lax col- 
lections, if tolerated even for a short period, would soon bring 
about the downfall of business. Credit is faith, and as busi- 
ness is built on credit, business is founded on faith. Genuine 
faith is impossible where the customer does not take his obli- 
gations seriously enough to make prompt payment on due 
dates. Those who guide the destinies of modern business 
realize the need of constantly stressing high ideals that awaken 
and keep alive a high sense of honor in business men. The 
National Association of Credit Men advocates devices like 
the following: 


Sanctity of the Sales Contract. 


The Sanctity of the Sales Contract must be firmly upheld in its 
every condition and phrase. 

The terms of sale as a part of the Sales Contract should be so 
regarded that it will be considered unfair and dishonest to take un- 
earned discounts and to make unjust claims. 

Competition among sellers and buyers should not be based on terms 
and the abuse of terms, but on prices honestly, frankly, and intelligently 
arrived at, and on the services promised and performed. 

Let American business men, of all business men in the world, be 
known as the most punctilious in meeting their engagements. 


The letter quoted below appeals to the debtor’s sense of 
honor by stressing the justice of the creditor’s position. ‘The 
tone is that of patience and sympathetic consideration. Sim- 
plicity in thought and word is the keynote. ‘The appeal is 
made concrete in the unobtrusive but very effective dramat- 
ization of the assumed relations between Mr. A. B. Debtor 
and Mr. Jones. The “you” attitude prevails. throughout, and 
the letter rises to a significant and specific close that appeals 
‘to the debtor’s sense of honor. Tested by the essential qual- 


350 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


ities of a good collection letter, this letter is not found 
wanting. 


My dear Mr. Debtor: 


You, as a business man, have often extended credit, expecting that your 
debtor would pay at a certain time. 

If you did not receive payment on the expected date, you sent a states 
ment. After a week or ten days, you mailed another statement—and 
then another. You had full confidence in your debtor, or you would 
not have extended the credit. You assured yourself, after getting no 
response to your first statement, by thinking: ‘“There are many reasons 
why a man cannot always pay promptly.” And after the second state- 
ment, you probably thought: “It is strange that I do not hear from 
Mr. Jones.” After no reply to the third statement you must have 
thought: ‘Mr. Jones is not much concerned with this account, because, 
even if he cannot pay, he surely can explain conditions.” 


To be convinced of Mr. Jones’s good intention, you should have then 
had his explanation or a check balancing his account. 


This is the history of our account with you, amounting to $69.19, 
Will you not convince us of your good intentions? 


Very truly yours, 


The foregoing letter is commendable for its avoidance of 
the morally superior tone, which is always offensive because it 
lacks cheerfulness. The collection man is most effective in the 
appeal to honor when he respects the debtor’s sense of honor. 
He respects it by assuming that the debtor looks upon his 
obligations seriously. The foregoing letter is direct without 
violation of courtesy. The following closing paragraph, on 
the other hand, from a letter by an inconsiderate collector 
to a sensitive debtor, antagonizes the reader, who in this in- 
stance sent the check, but with the notice, ‘‘You can rest 
assured that it will be the last one.” 


We are sorry to have to write you such a letter, but we feel it our 
mission in New York to educate just such concerns as yours in business 
ethics. qa 


2. The appeal to self-interest—The appeal to the cus- 
tomer’s self-interest is often combined with the appeal to 
honor. The appeal to self-interest shows the customer how 

Jhis failure to make prompt payment affects his credit stand- 





: 


COLLECTION LETTERS 351 


ing not only with your firm but also with other firms. The.” 
debtor is persuaded that it will be to his personal advantage 
to pay now. He is made to feel that if he does not, his 
credit reputation will be injured. He can be told that your 
experience with him must be reported to credit bureaus with 
which you are affliated, and to other sellers who inquire about 


him. As nothing is gained by adopting a bullying tone, the 
appeal to self-interest should be made by simply and unob- 
_trusively informing him of the facts concerning the inter- 


change of credit information between sellers. 


Dear Mr. Debtor: 


When your account was opened with us, we had every reason to believe 
that you would pay it promptly when it became due. 

In making the usual credit investigations, we discovered that all of 
those with whom you had done business spoke very highly of you in 
a personal way, and declared that you would meet your obligations as 


they fell due. 


It is therefore difficult for us to understand why it is that you have 
not taken care of our account amounting to $74.13. 

Before investigating further your manner of making payment to others, 
in which investigation we would, of course, have to state what our 
experience has been with you, we want to give you another opportunity 
to pay your long past-due account with us. 

It would not favorably impress those who have recommended you so 
highly to learn that our experience has not fully justified the unquali- 
fied recommendations which they gave us of the way in which you 
paid your bills. 


We shall expect your check by return mail. 
Yours very truly, 


3. The appeal to pride——The appeal to pride is strong 
with business men who conduct their affairs in a business- 
like manner. ‘They are sensitive to criticism implying slip- 
shod methods. The appeal is strong with well-rated firms 
or individuals enjoying a high rating. It is employed less 
frequently in letters to habitually slow and callous debtors, 
whose business methods are usually loose. The student should 
observe that the closing paragraph of the following letter is 
tactful but not apologetic. The tone of this letter to a large 
well-rated debtor is courteous but nevertheless firm. 


352 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Gentlemen : 

We wrote you but have not heard from you. We have already 
allowed you thirty days—an accommodation which we are glad to 
extend to you. We do not believe, however, that a firm of your 
standing will delay payment any further without a word of explana- 
tion to us—hence this second reminder. 


We know that you expect us to be as diligent and systematic in our 
business methods as you are in your own. We are sure that you will 
let us hear from you at once. 


Very truly yours, 


4. The appeal to fairness—The main thought in the ap- 
peal to fair play is the golden rule of treating others as you 
would have them treat you under similar circumstances. Con- 
cretely stated, this means that the creditor has delivered sat- 
isfactory goods and service and that the customer should in 
fairness make prompt payment. When the customer is con- 
vinced that the creditor is impartial in his dealings with all 
customers, making no exceptions for a favored few, the ap- 
peal to fair play is strong. The creditor’s appeal is insin- 
cere if he is not playing fair himself. It is sometimes well 
to reassure a customer on this point. 

With the exception of the last illustration, the following — 
examples represent only a few sentences or a paragraph, and 
not a complete letter. 

(1) To a debtor who has not responded to several state- 
ments and reminders: 


Why not afford us the courtesy you would naturally expect in the 
event conditions were reversed, and either let us have your check or 
tell us why we are not entitled to immediate payment in order that 
proper adjustment may be made on our books? | 


(2) To a debtor who has not included interest with his 
remittance: 


We are obliged to pay our bills when they become due, and have to 
depend upon our own receivables being paid promptly in order to do 
this. When our customers do not pay us, it means that we must — 
borrow money ourselves and pay interest on it in order to carry their 
accounts. It certainly seems most reasonable to insist that they pay 
us interest to offset what we are obliged to spend in order to accommo- — 
date them. 





COLLECTION LETTERS 48 )8) 


If you borrow the funds from your banker to pay us, he charges you 
interest. If, instead, you depend upon us for the accommodation, we 
are entitled to the same consideration at your hands as you would give 
your banker, for it is our money you are getting the use of, while we, 
in the meantime, are deprived of it. 


(3) Toa customer who feels that he is entitled to special 
privileges: 


You may therefore rest assured that you are being accorded the 
same consideration as any of our customers. We have only one 
policy, which is to treat all with equal fairness, so that we cannot 
consistently exempt you from paying us interest on past-due accounts 
while we are requiring it of others. 


(4) To a debtor who has not sent in an order since the 
account became past due. It was discovered that he was 
placing his orders elsewhere. 


In all fairness, we want to ask whether you think it is right that the 
reward for carrying your account during the past thirty days should 
be the loss of your business for that length of time. If we had insisted 
on payment, would we not still be able to look upon you as an active 
customer? 


(5) Toa customer who has requested a special ‘‘dating” 
of cash discounts. 


Gentlemen: 


The same request in your October 4 letter, that cash discount be 
allowed when payment is made between the tenth and the fifteenth 
of the month following shipment, has been made from time to time 
by various customers, some of whom buy in very large quantities, but 
we have invariably felt that we were unable to grant it. This for 
two reasons: 


First, cash discount is a premium offered for prepayment of an invoice, 
and if it is not paid within ten days the extra profit has not been 
earned. If we have to wait an average of thirty days, our bills are 
due net and we are obliged to disallow the discount privilege. 


Second, it is obviously unfair to our many customers who pay in ten 
days, to permit others to remit in thirty days, as it would be giving the 
latter a better price than those who pay more promptly. We do not 
think you would expect us to discriminate in this way. 


354 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


We want you to know, however, that we fully appreciate your point 
of view, as we ourselves, with about twenty factories, find it a difficult 
task to put our discount bills through for payment in ten days. Never- 
theless, we do manage it somehow. 


We feel confident that after considering the foregoing you will agree 
that our attitude is the only just one to assume, when all the circum- 
stances are taken into account. 


We shall hope to receive a share of your business as in the past and 
wish to tell you at this time that we are indeed grateful for your 


patronage. 
Very truly yours, 


Special appeals.—Almost every collection man has at some 
time resorted to special devices, stunt letters, or humorous 
appeals. ‘These should be sparingly used, especially humor- 
ous letters. If they are employed, they should be original. 
They can be successful but once. If the cheerful appeal again 
becomes necessary with the same customer, a new device or 
stunt must be invented. 


i ae) Are You Fair to Yourself ? 
Nf e%, Jf f 
Ly You are not fair to your business when you fail 
“iY to earn the cash discount premium. The various 
discounts below, with the annual interest rates to which they 
are equivalent, will tell you why: 


hee 10 days—net 30 days= 9% per annum. 
Can You 10 “ “ 30 alee “ 
30 =27% 

Afford “ 4 4 mos.= 8% 
; Me - 60 days=14% 
NOT To “a < 60 =24% “ 
Earn Your “ a“ 30 ty =36% “ 
° “ “«@ “ “ 

Cask Discount 2 ry cs Rae meg ie 

Fee ie 10, 30X days—net 60 days=36% per annum. 

10, 60x “ ore 90) 6 == 3600 


NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF CREDIT MEN 
41 Park Row New York City 
Copyright, 1922, by National Association of Credit Men 





1. Collection devices—The card reproduced on this page 
exemplifies a dignified collection device. Another from the 
same source appears on page 349, 


COLLECTION LETTERS 355 


An electrical contractor in a small New Jersey suburb 
secured an almost perfect score on small past-due accounts 
by typing on his January statements, ‘“‘Please give the New 
Year the right start, as we are trying to do, by cleaning up 
last year’s accounts.” 

The Syracuse (N. Y.) Lighting Company has successfully 
used verse in following up consumers who leave the city with- 
out paying their final bill. The following rhyme was typed 
on the statement: 


We haven’t heard A note dispatched 
A single word With check attached 
From you about our letter. Will make us feel much better. 


In several cases, cheerful responses in verse were received 
with payment in full. 

2. Stunt letters—A callous debtor may be jolted out of 
his state of indifference by a cheerful appeal like that in the 
following stunt letter: 


My dear Mr. Debtor: 

Here’s a pin. Looks a good deal like any other pin, doesn’t it? 

But this isn’t an ordinary or garden variety of pin. It is a really and 
truly magic pin. 

It will relieve you of a lot of bother and us of a lot of worry. It 
will set you square with us, and help us square up with the other 
fellow. So be careful and don’t lose it. 

Better be sure of it and play safe, for it is the pin you will want to 
use to attach your check to this letter in payment of the statement 
inclosed. 

Thank you for the check. No charge for the smile we hope to get 
out of this little letter. 


Yours expectantly, 


P.S. Please hurry. We want to use this magic pin on another fellow. 


The following letters are taken from the April, 1924, 
Thus and So, compiled by Frederick B. Stevens, Detroit, 
Michigan. Such letters are certain of a reading. Cheerful- 
ness and compactness are the outstanding qualities. 


356 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 
(1) 


Gentlemen: 


You know these days of prosperity require extra energy—all around. 
Money at rest is static energy; in motion, ecstatic. Let me have your 
check for $210.60 to cover my shipments of July 5 and I shall put 
it into motion—ecstatic energy. 


That is one of the active principles of business. Let me duplicate your 
last order while the opportunity is good, and I shall put motion into 
that and relieve you of vexatious delays. 


These are motion times. 

Expectantly yours, 
(2) 
Gentlemen: 


You remember the ancient bard said, ‘“The apparel oft proclaims the 
man.” ‘That signifies that appearances go a good way when you wish 
to establish an opinion. 


I want to establish a good opinion in the minds of the auditors who 
will check over things next week. 


I am not so eager to show we are good: collectors, as that we sell to 
high class buyers. 


Will you aid in that accomplishment by remitting for the overdue 
items of November and December, amounting to $465.70? 


If you will remit by return mail, you will help. 


Hopefully yours, 


Current cartoon characters may be effectively employed, 
as the following letter proves: 


Dear Mr. Debtor: 


The following conversation held by our old friends Mutt and Jeff 
has been duly reported to us: 


“For the love of Mike!” exclaimed Jeff, looking at a letter. 
“Bad news in the letter, Jeff?” asked Mutt. 


“T’ll say so. Terrible news. A fellow writes me that he wants my 
autograph.” 


“T call a request for an autograph a compliment,” said Mutt. 


“Yes,” wailed Jeff, “but he wants my autograph on a check for the 
seven bucks I owe him.” 


COLLECTION LETTERS 357 


May we not, like Jeff’s creditor, request you to autograph a check for 
$4.00, covering the indicated account? ‘Thank you. 


* Cordially yours, 


The foregoing letters are successful because the stunt en- 
abled the collection man to get away from the stereotyped ap- 
peals. ‘There is a moral here for collection correspondents. 
The conventional letter has lost its compelling force because 
of its well-worn phrasing. Debtors are accustomed to con- 
ventional letters. If originality and individuality are revealed 
in the standard collection letter, the customer will read and 
respond as he does to the occasional stunt letter. It is, 
therefore, dangerous to use “‘model” letters which have been 
found successful by others. The best advice is, ‘Compose 
your own.” ‘The letter which is successful in collecting ac- 
counts from hardware dealers may not be suited to the needs 
of the customers of a jobber in men’s furnishings. The tone 
of the Mutt and Jeff letter would be offensive to the man who 
could be reached by the second Thus and So letter. The 
principles of the class appeal apply to collection letters. 

Collection letters to women.—Collection letters to women 
are invariably more dignified in tone and language than let- 
ters to dealers. The colloquial, breezy style, often effective 
in ‘‘coddling’”’ the dealer into payment of just debts, is alto- 
gether out of place. Sentences should be constructed cor- 
rectly, and the language is literary and formally correct. 
Even words like ‘dealing’ should not be used in letters to 
women. 


Bad: Because you have dealt with us (Better: favored us with your 
purchases) during the past three years, we conclude (Better: naturally 
assume) that you have always received courteous service (Better: 
attention). 


Apologetic statements are out of place. 


Bad: J take the liberty of calling your attention to... 

Better: Your attention is respectfully called to... 

Bad: Permit me to suggest that you write your check now, 
while this letter is before you. 

Better: Won't you please send us a check now, while. . . 


358 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Collection letters to women customers are usually typed on 
a smaller sheet than the standard eight by eleven sheet. Be- 
cause customers of retail stores are not familiar with technical 
terms, these must be avoided. 

The following three letters were used by a large depart- 
ment store with women customers who had not responded 
to statements. They are, of course, form letters typed so 
as to have the appearance of individual communications. Ob- 
serve that the letters are not personal, that the language is 
reserved and courteous, correct and dignified, and that the 
tone grows more insistent from letter to letter. ‘The third 
letter usually obtained payment. 


(September 8) 
Dear Madam: 


We wish to call your attention to the balance still due on your account, 
and to request the favor of a check in settlement at your earliest con- 
venience. ° 

Very truly yours, 


$47.60 


(September 20) 
Dear Madam: 


Receiving no response to our communication of September 8, regarding 
your account, we assume that it has been overlooked. “The account 
represents purchases made during March, amounting to $47.60. 


We hope it is now convenient for you to favor us with a check in 
settlement. 
Very truly yours, 


(October 6) 
Dear Madam: 


We have written you several times regarding your account now long’ 
past due, without result. We feel that we have not been too insistent 
in our request for payment, but in view of the time already granted, it 
would be unreasonable to expect any further extension, and we would 
appreciate an early settlement. ; 


We hope to hear from you by return mail. 


Very truly yours, 





COLLECTION LETTERS 359 


Problems of Oral and Written Solution. 
I. Collection Letters for Oral Analysis. 


1. This letter was mailed to seventy-six debtors, thirty- 
two paying in full: 
Dear Sir: 
A lot of questions get one all*excited and confused. 


Therefore I am going to ask just one: 
Won’t you please send in a check for your balance of 
account, which is months in arrears? 





on your 








Thank you for your co-operation. 


Yours truly, 


2. 


Dear Sir: 
What is a guarantor? 


The dictionary says it is a person who will stand good for anything 
which he has vouched for and signed his name to. 


I have here an account which your son ordered from us and which you 
guaranteed would be paid, should your son not pay his bill. 


This account shows that he is three months behind in his payment, with 
a total balance of $18.00 unpaid. 


Therefore it is necessary that you take this matter up with your son. 
We would appreciate it if you would see to it that some action is taken 
by him or you in cancelling this debt. 


We thank you for your prompt attention to this matter. 


Yours truly, 


3. From a local cleaning and dyeing establishment. 


Dear Sir: 


We realize that you are a very busy man and that a small personal bill 
is sometimes annoying. 


We know your account is good as gold, but please send us a check by 
early mail for the small amount of $9.15 still on our books against you. 


Very truly yours, 


360 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 
4. 
Dear Sir: 


If this letter were written to acknowledge your account in full, it 
would make me as happy as it would you. In fact, Mr. Forsythe, I’m 
positive you would be the happier. 


But no, you simply make up your mind that you want to receive these 
collection letters, that you enjoy having a draft drawn at the bank, and 
above all, it seems that you revel in the idea that you aren’t playing 
square, although it seems hardly possible that you can get actual enjoy- 
ment out of being dunned. 


You can, however, get a lot of fun out of doing the right thing. ‘There- 
fore, why not do what is right and live up to your contract? 


So won’t you remit to me now the balance of your account? Or if you 
can’t spare that much, send me part of it, as every little bit puts you a 
step nearer to living up to your contract. 


I know you will. 


Sincerely yours, 


$89.60. 


3. 


Dear Sir: 
What is-the matter? 


Have we done anything to hurt your feelings? I don’t think so. You 
will agree we have not. 


As it appears to me, we have been giving you a square deal. Why 
don’t you do the same for us? I’m sure we deserve it. 


Please remit now the balance, or a part of it. The total against you 
is $129.80. 
Sincerely yours, 


6. 
Dear Sir: 


On April 17 you purchased from us three dozen silver pencils amount- 
ing to thirty-six dollars. We hoped you would take advantage of our 
terms, 2/10/n/30, but as we did not hear from you within that time 
we wrote you on June 1 and June 15 about payment. 


Your bill is now two months overdue. We cannot fill your future 
orders until this obligation has been met. 





COLLECTION LETTERS 361 
If payment is being withheld because the goods were not satisfactory, 
please write us and we will try to make an adjustment. 


Yours truly, 
is 


Dear Sir: 
Ten weeks is a long time to wait for $5.10, isn’t it? 


We know your credit is good, but should be pleased to receive a check 
from you so that we can remove this item from our books. 


Yours truly, 
8. 


‘Dear Sir: 


We are writing once more to call your attention to your account of 
January, now six weeks overdue, and amounting to $15.80. 


We have some large bills to meet at this time and would appreciate your 
remittance. 
Truly yours, 


9. This letter is used by a collection agency. 
Dear Sir: 


I have your letter telling me when you will pay your account. 


I greatly appreciate your honorable conduct in this matter. The tone 
of your letter convinces me that you are honest and that you take an 
interest and pride in paying your just debts. I know you will send me 
the money at the time you have fixed. 


I am absolutely relying upon your word and honesty in this matter and 
I assure you that no unpleasant action will be taken if you keep your 
promise. 


Thank you for your courteous letter. I am awaiting the promised pay- 
ment. Use the inclosed envelope in remitting. | 


Yours truly, 
10. 


Dear Sir: 


It is our custom to check over our records on the first of each month, 
and to notify our patrons of any outstanding items in their accounts. In 
the press of larger affairs, people overlook unobtrusive details, to which, 
nevertheless, they really desire to give due attention. 


362 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


We find that the monthly posting of our customers on the condition of 
their accounts is a policy they appreciate and to which they respond in 
the spirit in which it is practiced. We all realize that regularity in 
these things oils the wheels of that indispensable commercial vehicle— 
credit. 


Accordingly, we are inclosing a statement of your account for March 
and February for your prompt attention. 


Very truly yours, 


11. “The following three letters brought in 564 payments 
of varying amounts from 626 concerns. . . . Considering 
that every effort had been previously made to collect this 
money, this series of three plain, everyday letters brought 
results that would be considered eminently satisfactory by any 
company in like circumstances.’’—E. P. Corbett in Printers’ 
Ink, January 4, 1923. 

(a) This letter was sent to 626 customers who had been 
repeatedly dunned. Of these 262 made payment, in varying 
amounts, from 137 for only one month, to 49 who paid in 


full. 
Dear Mr. Forse: 


Yesterday our treasurer called me into his office and said: 


“Mr. Brown, I see that John Forse, of Blankville, Ala., has not yet 
settled his account. In fact, he hasn’t made a payment since November, 
1920, though I’ve written him several times. I did not wish to bring 
suit, for they’ve had pretty hard times in that section the past two years. 
Now, however, conditions are better there. I’d like you to write Mr. 
Forse and ask him to clear up this account. We've been fair with him 
and I think you will find that he will want to be equally fair with us.” 
I thought I could do no better than to tell you just what our treasurer 
said tome. We have waited a long time, you know. So I am just going 
to ask you to write and let me know just what you can do for us. 


Yours truly, 


(b) The second letter went to 460 customers, in some 
cases with minor changes to some who had sent only a small 
remittance in response to the first letter. There were 165 re- 
mittances, from 100 making one payment, to 27 paying in - 
full. ‘There were also 17 replies from others who explained © 
that they could not then pay, but would do so a little later.” 


COLLECTION LETTERS 363 
Dear Mr. Burley: 


I know it’s the usual thing, when no answer is received from a “‘collec- 
tion” letter, to pretend to believe the matter was overlooked by the 
other man. 


But I’m going to be frank enough to admit that I believe the reason 
you didn’t answer my last letter with a remittance was that you per- 
haps didn’t have the money right then. Am I right? 


You see, I’m taking for granted that you feel just as we would feel if 
‘conditions were reversed. So I’m just appealing to your sense of fairness. 
Don’t you think it would be only fair to let us have what is due us, 
after we've waited so long a time? 


Think it over, Mr. Burley, and if you cannot possibly send us a check 
today, let me know when we may look for one. ‘This little courtesy 
won’t take much of your time and we certainly shall appreciate it. 
With continued good wishes we remain, 


Sincerely yours, 


Assistant Treasurer. 


(c) The third letter was sent to 363 customers: to those 
who had not responded to the preceding letters, to some who 
had responded without sending money, and to some who had 
sent insufficient money. ‘The letter brought 165 remittances, 
from 76 making one payment, to 37 paying in full. 


Dear Mr. Banks: 


If a customer owed you $285, and for two years had paid nothing on it, 
how would you feel? 


But now suppose you had known that customer had been up against 
hard conditions all that time, so you had put yourself in his place and 
had decided not to appeal to the law to collect your money. 


Then, when things picked up with the customer, suppose you wrote to 
him as man to man, asking him to treat you as fairly as you had treated 
him. Wouldn’t you feel certain that, as a business man and as a gentle- 
man, he would respond? Wouldn’t you? 


There are laws that regulate business, Mr. Banks. But the biggest 
thing that keeps business clean and aboveboard is the fact that most 
men believe in the square deal. Business would go to smash if we 
couldn’t depend upon the sacredness of a commercial agreement. 


That is all we ask from you, Mr. Banks—a square deal. You believe in 
that just as we do, don’t you? Then let’s settle this thing as between 


eM 


364 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


friends and gentlemen. A check from you by return mail would confirm 
our belief that you do believe in the square deal. 


Earnestly yours, 
Assistant Treasurer. 
12. A letter like this is objectionable. It may subject the 
creditor to legal difficulties. Why? 
Dear Sir: 


You surely do not recognize the position in which you place yourself 
by your continued neglect to pay the sum of $27.00 owing us. You are 
surely aware that the grocers, dry goods dealers, and other merchants 
are fully organized and that the debtor who does not pay his just debts 
is blacklisted by merchants, doctors, and other professional people—the 
very ones on whom you may have to depend at critical times. You 
surely do not care to destroy your reputation for honesty. “Then take 
care of this matter at once, for if it is not settled by the end of next 
week our lawyers will act. 


Insistently yours, 
II. Collection Letters for Criticism and Revision. 


ik 
Dear Sir: 
You have forgotten to send us your check for this month’s payment. 


To be sure, this is a small matter, but in a business like ours, these 
small matters make up the entire business, and promptness in remitting 
is greatly appreciated. 


Please do not write a letter. Just pin your check to this letter and 
mail it in the inclosed addressed envelope. 


Very truly yours, 


2. To an old credit customer in excellent standing, who 
burned out. 


(a) 
Dear Mr. Orville: 
We are sorry to hear of the hard luck that came your way on April 27. 


The sixty-day extension of time is gladly given. If we can be of assist-— 
ance In any other way, please let us know. 


Forget your bill for the present, and remember it on July 1. 
Here’s to the new store and good luck! 


Very sincerely yours, 





COLLECTION LETTERS 365 


(5) 
Dear Mr. Orville: 


The sixty-day extension we were glad to grant you has passed quickly, 
hasn’t it? It seems as if it were just yesterday that we last wrote you. 
There was no check in today’s mail, and this has caused me to believe 
that you are waiting until the arrival of your insurance money on 
July 7. 

Your check will be acceptable before July 7, but if you are waiting 
for the insurance money, please mail the $85.89 by July 8 at the latest. 
Your credit is good here. Let us have some of your good orders as 
in the past. 


Very sincerely yours, 


3. Two formal reminders and one personal letter preceded 
these letters. 


(a) 
Dear Madam: 


It is just nine weeks since we first sent you a statement of your account 
to the amount of $29.00. 


Your credit at our store is still good. We believe in your honesty. We 
know that you intend to pay this just debt. 


Please send us a check by Saturday of this week. 
Yours truly, 


(>) 
Dear Madam: 
Why was there no check from you in the morning’s mail? 


You have not paid your bill and you have not written to explain your 
failure to do this. 


Your patronage is desired by this firm. We are pleased to carry your 
account. 


The account, however, is long overdue, and you will agree that we have 
a legal right to immediate payment. 


Our regular procedure is to give all accounts, ten weeks past due, to 
our legal department. 


Yours truly, 


366 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 
4. First personal letter. 


Dear Sir: 


A great deal of ingenuity is wasted in trying to extract money pain- 
lessly by correspondence. Sometimes a letter is written under mis- 
apprehension of the facts as the customer sees them. Often a reference 
is made to the credit department, or an executive signs the letter. Like 
the “Busy” sign, such tokens are irritating. 

All of which is preliminary to stating that there is past due on your 
account $71.85. If your records agree with ours, please send on a 
check, at once. If not, please thrash the matter out promptly with the 
writer. 


Yours truly, 
5. Second personal letter. 


Dear Sir: 


With thousands of small charge accounts, like yours for $19.45, you can 
readily see where our profits would go if we were compelled to go 
through the lamentations of Job and Jeremiah to collect each one. 


Please remit. 
Yours truly, 
6. Third personal letter. 


Dear Sir: 


We are at a loss to know why we do not hear from you in regard to 
your account, which is now ten weeks past due and about which you 
have had numerous reminders and two letters. 


We are reluctant to take legal steps but feel we are entitled to an 
explanation or settlement without further delay. 


We expect to hear from you immediately. 


Yours truly, 


7. Simplify this letter. It sounds like a student letter, 
but it is not. 


Dear Sir: 


Now that we have permitted day after day to elapse following our last 
letter, you will, beyond peradventure of a doubt, be anxious and in fact 
happy immediately to provide for your account to the extent of $91 66, 

which is the total of all the items appearing on our last statement with 
the exception of the three November invoices. 





COLLECTION LETTERS 367 


With entire confidence that your most courteous treatment will be 
accorded the situation, we take the liberty of thanking you at this 
particular time. 

Yours very truly, 


8. 
Dear Mrs. Burle: 


About ten days ago we sent you a statement of your account amounting 
to $10.60. 


We believe this has escaped your attention and that you will be pleased 
to receive this reminder. 


‘Thanking you for your patronage, which is much appreciated, we are 


Yours very truly, 


9. Improve the construction of this letter. It also violates 
correctness. 


Dear Madam: 


Being one of our old customers, I permitted your purchases on credit 
during December, in spite of the amounts against you from your 
delinquent October account. Now you are behind in payments on 
purchases for October, November, and December. 


Kindly favor us with a prompt remittance, at least for the October 
purchases, not later than the 10th inst., in order not to be embarrassed 
by refusal of further credit. 


You have compelled us to write again concerning your account. 
You must admit it is more than a little overdue. 


Yours truly, 
10. To a local radio dealer enjoying exclusive sales rights. 


Dear Sir: 


We do not for a fraction of a minute entertain the thought that you 
do not allow yourself to value properly the exclusive agency privileges 
we have been glad in the past to extend you in your territory. 


As a matter of cold fact we are inclined to be positive that you appre- 
ciate the tidy profits you have realized since the initiation of dealings 
with the choice clientele that purchases our products at your estab- 
lishment. 


Yet you constrain us to mention the disagreeable fact that we shall be 
compelled by your seemingly utter disregard for previous statements 


368 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


and letters to withdraw our esteemed agency privileges unless you desire 
some means of procuring cash to settle your delinquent account with us. 
Hoping that you will perceive this in the spirit intended, and will remit 
without further procrastination, and awaiting your early reply, we are 
with confidence in your integrity, 


Very truly yours, 
i Bi 


Dear Madam: 
What can be the matter? 


“Oh where, oh where has our customer gone?” Do you not like our 
goods? Are our prices too high? 


You have not used your charge account during February, and there is 
that past-due account from last autumn, dragging along unpaid. 


Perhaps that’s why you haven’t been in. 


Why not clean up the old scores of yesteryear? Clear your conscience 
by remitting at once the amount due us and we'll feel better all round. 


Your remittance for $94.36 will make me smile. 
Respectively yours, 
Lee 
Dear Madam: 


Have we failed in any way? Has our work been poor? Or have we 
made a mistake in itemizing your statement? 

If we are at fault, we wish that you would kindly write or tell us what 
is wrong. We try to live up to our policy of perfect work and absolute 
fairness. 

If our work has continued to meet your approval, and if the inclosed 
unpaid statement is correct, please send us a check. If it is not con- 
venient to pay in full, mail whatever amount you wish. 


‘The inclosed envelope is for your convenience. 


Yours truly, 


IIT. Problems in Writing Collection Letters. 


1. Assume that you have been asked by the manager of 
the Central Radio Shop, Merchant City, Pennsylvania, to 
prepare a collection sequence suitable for charge customers 
whose accounts have become past due. No accounts are for 
more than $75. 





COLLECTION LETTERS 369 


Your sequence includes one itemized bill, one ‘‘statement 
rendered,” two formal reminders, three personal letters. 

Write the formal reminders and the personal letters. 

2. Assume that Mrs. R. A. Deedsley, of 368 Parke 
Avenue, Your City, whose husband is highly rated by the 
mercantile agencies, owes you (February 27) $94.80 for mis- 
cellaneous items purchased at your Automobile Accessories 
Shop during September and October, the last purchase having 
been made on October 21. Three formal notifications like 
those on page 358 have failed to elicit a response. Write 
the first personal letter. Try to secure payment, but do not 
offend. Attach to your letter a brief explanatory note indi- 
cating why you chose the appeal you have used in this letter. 

3. On December 15, Orville Horton, Noname, Minne- 
sota, dealer in hardware, purchased a line of boys’ sleds from 
Janes and Company, St. Paul, for $57.85. He received the 
customary statement on January 15. On February 1 and 15 
you sent formal reminders. It is now March 1, but he has 
not paid for the sleds. Write a personal letter appealing to 
his sense of fairness. (He had the sleds in time for the 
Christmas trade, which was good this year. There has been 
much snow, so that there must have been a satisfactory de- 
mand for sleds.) 

4. It is now March 15. Orville Horton, whose case is 
presented in the preceding problem, has not responded to your 
personal letter of March 1. Write a personal letter appeal- 
ing to his credit standing and self-interest. 

5. As collection manager of the Interstate Harvester 
Company, Ploria, Illinois, you are interested in Hess Brothers, 
dealers in farm implements in Business Center, South Dakota, 
who are behind in their account with your company. 

You have just received from Hess Brothers a statement 
of assets and liabilities as of December 31. ‘Their assets are 
a little in excess of $82,000. Of this, close to $60,000 is 
merchandise. Liabilities total close to $60,000. ‘This means 
$22,000 in bills and accounts receivable. 

Give Hess Brothers business service. You know that 
collections have been slow in the farming districts. Now, 
however, is the time to push collections. Urge them to 
launch a campaign to collect 80 or 90 per cent of outstanding 
accounts. | 


370 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


You note that there has been a satisfactory volume of 
business between your company and Hess Brothers. Yet 
past-due accounts lose sales for your company and for Hess 
Brothers, as your policy has always been not to ship an order 
when the account is past due. To carry a complete stock, 
Hess Brothers should clean up their indebtedness. They 
cannot sell machinery if they haven't it on the floors to sell. 
Urge them to write you about local conditions and their 
plans. You want them to put your company in a position to 
ship them the machinery they need. You will cooperate in 
planning the campaign for collecting past-due accounts. Write 
the letter. (Do not take too much business sense and ex- 
perience for granted. Explain your points clearly, but be 
careful not to offend.) 

6. You have on your memorandum file for March 3 the 
name of Bert Messer, whose account has run since last Sep- 
tember. You have sent him statements, reminders, and the 
usual letters appealing for payment. He has not responded 
and still owes you $40.00. As a last resort, try cheerfulness. 
Startle him into attention by means of a stunt letter contain- 
ing, if possible, a humorous appeal that will induce him to 
remit. You know that he has suffered no misfortune either 
at home or in his business. He is simply careless and negli- 
gent. 

7. The local cleaner and dyer has asked you to prepare a 
series of collection letters to customers whose accounts are 
past due. All the accounts are small, none being for more than — 
$30.00. The system is to be used with men and women cus- 
tomers. (1) Draw up a plan, indicating the number of units, 
the mailing dates, the kind of appeal used in each letter. 
Show how the series rises to a climax. (2) Write the first 
formal reminder, and the first and last personal letters. 





CHAPTER XII 


ADJUSTMENT LETTERS 


The adjustment letter sells satisfaction. It is not easy 
to write. Because the strategy in adjustment letters is difh- 
cult, the writer needs the accumulated power gained from 
practice in writing the types of letters discussed in preceding 
chapters. The problem is to satisfy the buyer but at the same 
time to protect the seller. 

The importance of adjustment letters.—Because they 
strengthen good will, carefully planned and cheerfully phrased 
adjustment letters are a valuable asset in any business. They 
bind customers to the firm by awakening a sense of loyalty 
through impressing upon them that the spirit of service and 
fair treatment is characteristic of the firm’s dealings. 

Experience teaches that the human factor in business often 
gives rise to just claims based on faulty products or service. 
The most rigid inspection does not invariably eliminate faulty 
products. ‘The most efficiently supervised service occasionally 
breaks down. Business men, therefore, expect to receive com- 
plaints and claims. It is profitable to give serious considera- 
tion to these and to deal frankly with them, for it is less ex- 
pensive to hold an old customer than to secure a new one. 

Making the claim.—Whatever the cause, the claim or 
complaint should be made calmly, courteously, and as a matter 
of fact. If there is good cause for the claim, the facts should 
be stated positively but tactfully. ‘The purpose is to secure 
a prompt settlement. A display of temper, and the use of 
vituperative or sarcastic language, make the adjustment more 
cificult, and certainly delay it. Lengthy explanations are 
unnecessary and confusing unless the difficulties of the situa- 
tion make elaboration unavoidable. In the vast majority of 
cases, a brief but clear statement of the essential facts best 
serves the interests of the claimant. The following plan is 
practical: 

371 


o%2 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


1. State the claim, giving the essential facts necessary 
for identifying the faulty product or service. (Date of order, 
of shipment, of arrival (or non-arrival), error, kind and 
amount of damage, and so forth.) , 

2. Ask courteously but firmly for a prompt rectification. 
If you are seriously inconvenienced (personally or in your 
business), stress the unfortunate results (loss of sales, em- 
barrassment in home or in your relations with others, as in 
the case of gifts). If you are a regular customer, you may 
strengthen your claim by suggesting withdrawal of your trade 
if service does not improve. 

The letter given below makes the claim in the wrong way. 


Dear Sirs: 


You certainly made a fine job of that shipment of perfume and face 
powder. 


I smelled it before the driver unloaded it off his truck. What didn’t 
leak out of the box squooched into the face powder cartons and you'll 
see what a nice batter it makes. 


My order was long enough coming anyway, and now that ivory-top 
shipping clerk of yours sent me an omelette. What do you think I run 
here anyway, a restaurant? But you will have to eat it. I sent it back 
right away this afternoon, collect. 


If you can get someone who knows how to pack goods and get me my 
order by Friday, I’ll take it. Otherwise I order from a local jobber. 
I must have the goods for my Saturday trade. Do you get that? 


Respectfully, 
The effective way (which does not get a laugh, but which 
does get results) : 
Gentlemen: 


I regret to inform you that the shipment of perfume and face powder, 
ordered by me on March 3 and shipped by you on March 9g, arrived 
this morning in damaged condition. 

Upon opening the box, which showed no signs of damage from the 
outside, I found that eight bottles were broken, and that the contents 
had damaged the face powder so I cannot sell it. 

I am holding the shipment for your instructions. 

As I must have these goods, without fail, for my Saturday trade, please 
give my order your immediate attention. 


Very truly yours, 


ADJUSTMENT LETTERS 373 


Qualities of the adjustment letter——AIl that has been 
learned in previous chapters concerning the selling point of 
view, and the necessity of adapting the message to the reader, 
applies also to adjustment letters. Consideration and cheer- 
fulness are especially important because the buyer has a griev- 
ance the seller must remove. Consideration without cheer- 
fulness leaves the reader cold. The adjustment is appreciated 
if it is made with a smile and in the spirit of good nature. 
The adjustment manager of a large New York department 
store wrote the following sentences for this chapter: 





“In writing our letters, we insist that courtesy and the 
spirit of kindness be the only impression left with the cus- 
tomer. We are generally able to approach the adjustment in 
a manner which leaves no doubt in the customer’s mind that 
we are anxious to please him, even though, in some instances, 
we cannot fully comply with the particular request under dis- 
cussion.” 


The claim letter should be answered promptly. If the 
adjustment cannot be made immediately, a letter of acknowl- 
edgment should be dispatched, reassuring the customer by 
telling him that the claim is being investigated and that he 
will be informed as soon as the adjustment has been com- 
pleted. 

The tone should be calm, courteous, and persuasive. The 
customer is made to feel that the seller has thoroughly con- 
sidered his claim, is giving him all possible assistance, and is 
proceeding in a spirit of fair dealing. The tone is spoiled 
by negative suggestion, offensive phrases (whether intentional 
or not), and by restatement of the claim. 

As the purpose of the adjustment letter is to remove a 
dificulty or grievance, the claim should not be restated. Re- 
statement stresses the unfavorable elements in the situation 
and by so doing increases the difficulty of persuading the 
reader to accept the adjustment offered. Instead of reawak- 
ing the original grievance, subdue it, even if you cannot ob- 
literate it, by offering constructive suggestions. The suc- 
cessful letter substitutes a positive solution for the negative 
elements of the claim. 

The following sentences represent the opening and clos- 
ing statements in a letter intended to reconcile the buyer to 


374 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


the price asked by the seller. Observe how the two strategic 
points—the opening and the close—give prominence to the 
negative elements, thus defeating the object of the letter, 
which is to remove the grievance. | 


Negative: We have your letter of the 20th in which you state that 
you do not like our prices on the shipment of andirons. ‘These andirons 
are not priced too high... . 

We feel that it is impossible for us to quote you a lower price. If 
you cannot sell the andirons, we shall gladly refund your money, or give 
you another selection at a lower price—whichever seems more desirable 
to you. 


Such a close strongly suggests the desirability of returning 
the andirons, whereas in the body of the letter an attempt 
is made to persuade the buyer to retain the shipment. The 
corethought of the letter is negatively presented in the subor- 
dinate “‘if’’ clause introducing the last sentence of the letter. 
Furthermore, why not subordinate the undesirable alternatives 
—if they must be mentioned at all—and stress the suggested 
action? 

A positive and _ cheerful—confidence-inspiring—close 
might read as follows: 


Thus you are receiving andirons of the latest and most popular design 
at a cost that is really very slightly higher than that quoted by our 
competitors on the style no longer in active demand. Although we 
shall, of course, be glad to ship you what we have left of the old design, 
we assure you that your customers will prefer the style you have, and 
that your quick sales will net you a tidy profit in a short time. 


Offensive words and phrases.—The tone of the follow- 
ing sentences is negative and offensive: 


(a) Your letter of the 28th in which you assert that our prices are too 
high has been received. 

(2) I do not see how the overcharge of two dollars you mention in 
your letter of the roth is possible. We have an efficient organization, 
and our bills are always checked. ‘The charge on your bill is probably 
correct. You must be mistaken. However, I will call attention to 
your complaint as soon as I get back to the office. 


Such phrasings appear too frequently in adjustment letters. 
As a matter of fact, the writer of the foregoing antagonistic 
sentences probably did not set out to offend his customer, who 
had written to him instead of the home office, in the hope of 


ADJUSTMENT LETTERS Sys 


receiving sympathetic consideration. The young writer 
should be on his guard against certain phrases which are al- 
ways offensive in the delicate situation created by a claim. 
The following phrases, because they antagonize the claimant 
or cast suspicion upon his motives, must be avoided. 

1. ‘‘assert, you state, you say, cannot understand, at a 
loss, you claim: ‘The shoes, which you assert (or: which 
you state, which you say) were damaged in transit.” “We 
cannot understand (or: are at a loss to understand) why your 
inspectors rejected this shipment.” ‘‘Your letter, in which 
you claim that. . .” 

2. “Complaint” always has the unpleasant suggestion 
of whining. No man likes to be told that he is a “com- 
plainer.” ‘Had we used the same grade shown in the sample, 
you would have been justified in your complaint.’ Never use 
the word when you are writing to a complainant or claimant. 

3. “If” clauses, especially at the close of the letter, are 
weak and, moreover, arouse doubt as to the seller’s complete 
faith in the accuracy and fairness of his adjustment, as in “If 
this is not satisfactory, let me know.” ‘““Hope”’ is equally weak, 
as in: “We hope this will be satisfactory.” The close should 
sell the adjustment, as in: ‘Because we value your orders and 
consider you a good customer, we are glad to make this ad- 
justment.”’ 

4. “Never happen again” is weak. Exaggerated state- 
ments are not reassuring. Besides, mistakes do occur in busi- 
ness. ‘We wish to assure you that this will never happen 
again,” is not persuasive. Write instead, ‘In our files we have 
made a memorandum of your wishes in this matter, and as- 
sure you that your order will hereafter be filled exactly as 
you wish.” ‘Thank you for calling our attention to this 
mistake. We have taken the necessary precautions to avoid 
such mistakes in the future.” 

5. “Our records” has been used insincerely so often that 
the customer suspects the genuineness of the whole letter. 
Avoid the phrase except when detailed excerpts from your 
files are necessary to make your adjustment clear. 


Vague: Our records show that we are not at fault. 
Approved: ‘The following dates, taken from our records of your order 
and its shipment, indicate that we proceeded as follows. 


376 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


The plan of an adjustment letter—The following head- 
ings are indispensable in any good adjustment letter: 

1. Get in step with the claimant (a) by thanking him 
for bringing the claim to your attention or (b) by regretting 
that he is inconvenienced. A constructive opening takes the 
point of view of the claimant by stressing those points in 
which the seller and buyer are in agreement. Such an open- 
ing is sympathetic. It disarms the reader by putting him into 
a receptive mood. 

2. Explain the facts surrounding the claim. Do not 
restate the claim in full. Show that you have taken pains 
to find the cause of the claim. 

3. State cheerfully the action you are taking. 

4. Close by expressing appreciation and a desire to co- 
operate. Such a close convinces the claimant that you are 
acting in a spirit of fairness and genuine service. 

Note.—The position of the second and third head- 
ings is sometimes reversed, according to the kind of ad- 
justment. 

The following letter incorporates the foregoing head- 
ings: 


Dear Madam: 


We regret that you were troubled to write your letter of December 2 
regarding the proofs of your son’s portrait. 


After careful examination of the six proofs, I am convinced that they 
are not worthy of so good a subject as your young son. 


‘That these proofs, madam, do not measure up to your expectations of 
our service is explained by the illness of M. Martelle at the time of 
your sittings. When you made the appointment, he was not ill, but 
after an absence of three weeks he is now with us. M. Martelle 
specializes in children’s portraits. 


During M. Martelle’s enforced absence, a colleague did his best with 
children, but I assure you that we can now make a better portrait of 
your son. 


Under the circumstances we are glad to suspend our regulation of one 
set of proofs for each patron. We invite you to visit our studios again. 


By favoring us on or before Saturday, December 10, you will positively 
have an artistic portrait before Christmas. 


Very sincerely yours, 


ADJUSTMENT LETTERS 377 


Types of adjustment letters.——Adjustments vary accord- 
ing to who is at fault and according to whether the claim is 
granted or refused. The following types are representative 
of most common situations faced in the adjustment depart- 
ment: 

(1) The seller is at fault. The claim is granted. (2) 
The carrier is to blame. A favorable adjustment is made. 
(3) The buyer is at fault, but the claim is granted. (4) 
The buyer is at fault. The claim is refused. (5) The cus- 
tomer has ceased purchasing. A claim or complaint is solic- 
ited. 

1. The seller is to blame.—A prompt, complete adjust- 
ment is always advisable when the seller has inconvenienced 
the customer. Apologies are out of place, but a frank ac- 
knowledgment of error should be made, together with an 
assurance that precautions have been taken to eliminate similar 
errors in the future. It is fatal to defend yourself, and un- 
wise to enter upon a lengthy explanation of why you fell short 
of perfect service. A short, cheerful letter is approved by 
the age-old proverb, “Least said, soonest mended.” A de- 
partment-store expert adjuster writes: ‘The policy of this 
company is a very liberal one. The customer is given the 
benefit of a doubt. This method reduces our adjustment let- 
ters, comparatively, to explanatory notes, and acquires many 
friends through the advertising value this policy affords.” 

The letter reproduced below illustrates a good adjustment. 


Gentlemen: 


Thank you for writing us on November 10 concerning the platinum 
setting you ordered on October 29. 


By immediately checking back your order, we found that a mistake 
had been made in transcribing your order in our order department. 


We are very sorry that you and your customer are inconvenienced, but 
we are at the same time grateful to you for helping us place the blame 
and prevent similar mistakes in the future. 


Although we have never, in the case of expensive settings like yours, 
promised delivery in less than two weeks, I am personally taking care 
of your order and am having it handled so that you will receive the 
setting not later than Saturday morning. 


Please be assured of our desire to co-operate with you as in the past. 


Very sincerely yours, 


378 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


2. The carrier is to blame-—When a third person (usu- 
ally the carrier) is at fault, the claim is granted for reasons 
of delay or damage in transit. If investigation discloses 
that the carrier is responsible for delay or damage, the 
letter should state explicitly what action the customer must 
take to hasten delivery or protect the seller (in case of 
damage). Although the seller may not be legally responsible 
for goods delivered safely into the hands of the carrier, pro- 
gressive houses retain good will by making an immediate ad- 
justment and then seeking redress from the carrier, with or 
without the aid of the customer, as the situation demands. 

When conditions permit the shipper to make a just claim 
against the carrier, a duplicate shipment should be sent im- 
mediately. 

The following letter is good: 


Dear Sir: 


We are very sorry to know from your letter of March 14 that the 
mahogany desk you ordered as a birthday gift for your son arrived so 
badly marred that you cannot accept it. 


As the Chicago, Milwaukee and St. Paul Railroad gave us a receipt 
acknowledging that the desk was received perfectly crated, it must have 
been damaged in transit. Although our responsibility ends when the 
railroad has accepted the desk, we know how much you are interested in 
this beautiful and useful gift for your son. We are, therefore, sending 
you today, by prepaid express, another desk, exactly like the one you 
ordered. It should reach you promptly. 


If you will please telephone the express company to make a special 
delivery immediately upon the arrival of the desk at their receiving 
station, you should have the desk not later than the day of your son’s 
birthday. 

Please leave the damaged desk in the hands of the railroad. We shall 
enter a claim with them, so that you will not be troubled further. 


We thank you for writing promptly, and assure you that our only desire 
is that you should receive the desk promptly and in perfect condition. 


Sincerely yours, 


Where goods have not been severely damaged in transit, 
and where it is more profitable for the seller to have the 
customer retain them, a discount can be offered as an induce- 
ment. Such an adjustment applies also where delay has con- 


ADJUSTMENT LETTERS RY he 


siderably lessened the value of the shipment to the customer. 

When the damage is slight, it is often possible to induce 
the customer to retain the article. Where the finish, for 
example, has been scratched, the customer can obliterate the 
scratch if you send him a small container of polish, with 
simplified directions how to proceed. 

3. (A) The buyer is to blame: claim granted —When 
it is decided to grant a claim in spite of the fact that the in- 
vestigation reveals that the customer is at fault, the writer 
should capitalize the opportunity to sell service to the cus- 
tomer. 

The qualities of this type of adjustment letter make it 
difficult to write effectively. “The tone must be firm, or the 
customer may think the firm “easy.” The letter, further- 
more, must not suggest that the claim is unjust. To do so 
would defeat the chief purpose, which is to impress the 
reader with the spirit of service. Although the letter cannot 
fail to make clear that an exception is being made, the cus- 
tomer’s responsibility must be indicated in such a way as not 
to irritate him or humiliate him by making him feel that he 
is receiving something to which he is not entitled. In any 
case, elaboration is out of place where detailed explanation 
reflects on the reader’s intelligence. 

Claims revealing that the customer is at fault result from 
a variety of causes, chief among which are carelessness and 
ignorance of the proper use of the goods. Whatever the 
cause, the adjustment is made for the purpose of winning 
the customer as a loyal booster of the firm and of its spirit 
of service and fair dealing. 

The following letter is good: 


Dear Sir: 


Thank you for your letter of August 16, which we have not answered 
pending the receipt of the stabilator from your service station at 
Englewood. 


A careful examination of the stabilator shows that the spring did not 
break because of defective material or poor workmanship. We found 
that the adjusting nut had been turned three notches more than is 
necessary on a Franklin car. Each turn of the nut winds the stabilator 
spring tighter, and when the spring is too tight there is excessive strain 
during the recovery of your car springs after the car has passed a hole 
or obstruction in the road. 


380 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Although our guarantee covers only defects in material and workman- 
ship, we desire at all times to co-operate with our patrons in providing 
them with perfect service from our stabilators. As you have driven your 
car less than three months, it gives us pleasure to forward your stabilator 
with a new spring. 

We are today sending the stabilator to your service station. It will take 
the service man less than fifteen minutes to attach it. 


May we ask you to read the inclosed booklet, “What You Should Know 
About Your Wetsen Stabilator,’ and to request your service man to 
look properly to the adjustment on the other three stabilators now on 
your car, so that you will not have the same annoying experience with 
them? 

We assure you of our interest in your car comfort, and of our desire 
to assist you in enjoying to the full those easy-riding qualities that 
Wetsen Stabilators are giving thousands of good cars. 


Sincerely yours, 


3. (B) The buyer is to blame: claim refused—When 
the investigation shows clearly that the claim is unfair and 
that no exception can justly be made, the letter should state 
the facts in a straightforward, frank way. ‘The writer’s sin- 
cerity impresses the customer with the company’s desire to 
retain his good will. The appeal to the customer’s sense 
of fairness should be substantiated by a tactful but business- 
like explanation of essential facts. 

The object of the letter is to clear yourself of blame, not 
to put the blame on the customer. Use special care to avoid 
blaming or accusing the customer. Let the facts speak for 
themselves, so that, if he feels resentment, it will not be 
directed against you. Observe how the following letter in- 
corporates the essentials of this type of adjustment. 


f 
Dear Sir: 


We are glad to have your letter of January 5 concerning the number 
of local messages sent over your telephone, Leonia 8067, during the 
month of December, as indicated on your bill of January 1. 


Local calls originating with your telephone are recorded by means ofl 
a message register, consisting of a mechanical device connected to your 
telephone line at the Central Office. Each local call is registered by 
this device upon completion of the message. A separate and distinct 
register is provided for each line, thus insuring subscribers against th 
possibility that calls placed over one line are charged against another. 





ADJUSTMENT LETTERS 381 


Only completed calls are registered. Uncompleted calls, such as those 
on which “busy” or “don’t answer” is reported, are not registered. In 
case a wrong connection is established, and the operator’s attention is 
called to it, the wrong connection is not registered. 


A careful recheck of our records has been made without disclosing any 
error in the number of messages billed to you. We have tested the 
message register used on your line and find it in proper working con- 
dition. We have also reviewed our reports of trouble for the period 
involved, but can find no record of trouble which could have affected in 
any way the registering of your calls. 

In view of these facts, therefore, and also because of the accuracy of 
the registering device and the precautions observed in our operating 
practice, we believe that the charge in question is correct and that it 
represents only those messages which were actually sent from your 
telephone. 

In this connection we should like very much to have you visit one of 
our Central Offices and secure first-hand knowledge of the complete 
handling of telephone calls. Upon request, any of our Business Offices 
will gladly arrange the details of such a visit. 


Yours very truly, 
Local Commercial Manager. 


4. Soliciting complaints——Progressive firms welcome 
constructive criticism in the form of just claims and justified 
complaints. ‘These point the way to improvement in quality 
of goods and service. Alert executives profit by the com- 
plaints of customers. As a result, claims and complaints are 
solicited from all classes of customers, especially from cus- 
tomers who have ceased purchasing. 

The letter inviting a claim must be brief, sincere, personal, 
and dignified. ‘The tone is that of cheerful codperation. 

1. This letter, typed on social stationery, was signed by 
the vice president of the company. 


Dear Madam: 


In reviewing our accounts with customers, we note, with regret, that 
yours has been inactive for some little time, and write to inquire if there 
is anything we can do to have you use it again as before. We value 
our charge accounts highly, and try to make them a source of con- 
venience and profit to our customers. 


If, for any reason, therefore, we have failed to please you, we should 
be glad to be informed as to how we have fallen short, that we may try 
to make good our deficiency. 


382 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


We feel that an active charge account with this store will prove of value 
through keeping the customer in touch with what is newest and best in 
merchandise and in service. | 
Will you kindly assist us in the keeping of our records by replying to 
the questions on the inclosed blank, and mailing it to us in the stamped 
envelope? 

We thank you for your courtesy. 

Respectfully yours, 


(2) This letter was sent to a list of occasional charge 
customers by a large department store in New York: 


My dear Mrs. Babthorne: 
Our organization is greatly interested in serving you satisfactorily. 


May we have the pleasure of hearing how we can best meet your re- 
quirements, thus enabling us to be of service to you more frequently? 


For your convenience a stamped and addressed envelope and a corre- 
spondence card are inclosed. 


Very truly yours, 


Exercises. 


I. Exercises for Oral and Written Revision. 


1. Comment upon these opening and closing sentences 
from adjustment letters. In each case the writer is addressing 
a desirable customer. 


(a) We have your letter of July 7, in which you state that the curling 
irons are defective. 


(b) We thank you for your letter of July 25. We shall make every 
effort to give you satisfaction. 


(c) After examining the boots you mention in your letter of November 
15, we can understand how annoyed you must have been by their lack 
of durability. 


(7d) Thank you for writing us regarding the silk in the ten gowns, 
Model X31, which we sent you on May 10. We are always glad to 
hear from our customers with reference to any discrepancy in their 
orders, and the goods delivered by us. | 


(e) We assure you that this silk is of a superior quality. Your cus- 
tomers will be pleased with it. If at any time there is any doubt in 


> 
: 
b 





ADJUSTMENT LETTERS 383 


your mind regarding our merchandise, please let us know. We are 
always pleased to hear from you. 

(f) Your letter of the 28th in which you assert that our prices are 
too high has been received. 

(g) Now that we have carefully and courteously explained what you 
believed a wrong item in your account, please co-operate by sending us 
your check. 

(h) This mistake was due to the heavy rush of Christmas business 
which somewhat upset our shipping department at that time. 

(z) This is one of those mistakes that does occur once in a great while 
in spite of our rigid system of shipping supervision. 

(j) We are sure that this is satisfactory. 

(k) We are confident that you will accept our apology for the mistake 
and that you will reconsider your intention to return the goods. 

(1) We have your letter of October 14 in which you claim that the 
second pair of shoes we sent you are also small. 

(m) I have read your letter of September 9 and was surprised to hear 
of the claim you are making. 

(x) We have your letter of March 10 in which you claim that we over- 
charged you on the last order. 

(o) In regard to your complaint of the 8th inst. wish to say that we 
never have trouble with other firms to whom we ship the same leather. 
(p) Your complaint of October 6 has been received. 

(q) By the reports we have received it seems that the goods must have 
been packed in a leaky freight car, so we can not be held responsible, 
and advise you to get in touch with the railroad at once. 

(r) Thank you for your letter of July 25, which gives the opportunity 
to explain the quality of binding used on the books. 

(s) I do not see how such a thing is possible as you mention in yours 
of the 8th inst. Our bills are always checked. You surely haven't 
figured right. 


2. Comment upon the following letters, pointing out 
where the letter fails and where it succeeds. Suggest im- 
provements. Identify the type of adjustment each letter 
illustrates. Rewrite the letters indicated by your instructor. 


(a) 
Dear Madam: 


We have carefully examined the shoes and justly agree that they haven’t 
met your expectations in regard to durability. 


384 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Our salesman should have told you that this shoe is more practicable 
for indoor purposes, where it does not receive as hard wear as on a 
tennis court. 

We are sending you a shoe made of durable canvas and light in weight. 
Many professionals, as well as amateurs, use this shoe in preference to 
any other. . 


We have already credited you with $1.75, leaving a balance of $1.50. 
We are certain that this shoe will meet your requirements. 


Yours truly, 


(5) 
Dear Sir: 
Sorry to hear you received walnut beds in poor condition. 


We have obtained from our local railroad agent a duplicate receipt 
showing that he received this shipment in perfect condition. 


You may be assured that we will do all we can to help you secure a 
just claim against the railroad. We are, however, unable to file a claim 
at our end. 


We have shipped by express another order of these popular numbers, 
which are enjoying their greatest seasonal demand just now, so that 
you may not lose any sales. 


We suggest that you file a claim at once with the railroad. 
We assure you that we shall do all in our power to protect your profits. 


Yours truly, 


(c) 
Dear Mr. Heck: 


In reply to yours of the 11th we would suggest that you keep the 
shoes and sell them to your customers in the confidence that they are 
superior to the sample Mr. Bern showed you. 


However, if you still feel that they are in any way inferior to our 
usual standard, we want you to return them to us, for although we 
would like to make you a better price and have you keep them as you 
suggest in your letter, we cannot consistently do so, as the expense: 
involved in the quality and workmanship of these shoes does not permit 
of lowering the price. 


You have been one of our best customers for many years and it is rea- 
sonable to believe that you have every confidence in us. We are just 
as much interested in the quality of our goods as you are, since your 
satisfied customers mean repeat orders for us. It would hardly seem 


ADJUSTMENT LETTERS 385 


possible, therefore, that we would jeopardize your good account by 
sending you goods which are not up to our standard in every particular. 


Sincerely yours, 


(d) 
Dear Madam: 


Your account has been credited in the amount of $15.95 for a suitcase. 
The receipted bill for August showing this credit is mailed to you in 
this letter. 


We take pleasure in thanking you for your patronage. 


Yours very truly, 


(e) 
Dear Mrs. Babthorne: 


In looking over our charge accounts, we regret to see that some time 
has elapsed since you availed yourself of the privileges of your own 
account. We trust, however, that the service rendered to you in the 
past was entirely commensurate with Altman standards. 


Whatever may be the reason for the non-use of your account, we shall 
appreciate an expression from you. We wish to assure you that it is 
our earnest desire to have you resume your shopping relations with 
us and we place at your command our entire facilities. 


Very truly yours, 


How does the foregoing letter compare with those quoted 
in the text, for structure, paragraphing, diction, sentence 
structure, and tone? 

(f) Analyze the following letter carefully. Can you im- 
prove any of the sentences? 


Dear Sir: 


Your letter of November 6 in regard to our request for payment of 
your telephone account has been referred to me for attention. 


In this connection we desire to assure you that our collection methods 
are not directed against you personally, but rather constitute a gen- 
eral practice which we have adopted only after long experience and 
careful study, to insure fair and equitable treatment to the public 
and reasonable protection to the company. 


You will appreciate that in a business as large as ours, involving the 
monthly billing and collecting of many thousands of accounts, mostly 
for small amounts, it is necessary that some uniform practice for gen- 


386 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


eral application be established, as it is impracticable to adopt regula- 
tions that will meet the conditions of each specific case. Any elaborate 
credit scheme to determine the precise manner of making collections 
from the individual subscribers would result in a routine not only 
cumbersome but also costly, and as the costs of operating the business 
as a whole necessarily must be borne by those served, such a plan 
would not be in the interest of subscribers generally. 


With respect to the request for payment to which you refer, you will 
recall that this was not made until a reasonable time had elapsed after 
your bill was mailed, and this is the treatment given all subscribers 
under similar conditions. ‘The bill itself, you will remember, also 
bore a printed notice stating the period within which payment should 
be made. 


It is the desire of the company to be courteous at all times to you 
and to its other subscribers, and we trust that the foregoing will make 
clear our attitude and satisfy you as to the reasonableness of our collec- 
tion methods. 


Yours very truly, 


(g) What kind of letter is the following? Is it too long? 
If so, just why? If not, why not? 


Dear Sir: 


This company is furnishing you with party line service under call 
number 7901 Leonia. Party line service involves the joint use of a 
single line by two or more subscribers. Each subscriber has his indi- 
vidual telephone, but a message to or from any one of the telephones 
makes use of the entire circuit and prevents other parties on that line 
from sending or receiving telephone calls until the conversation is 
completed and the circuit released. 


The party line telephone has made it possible to give service at a 
moderate rate. Good service, however, is something more than a 
matter of instruments, wires, and company operators. It depends in 
some measure on the co-operation of subscribers with the company, 
and in the case of party lines, upon the fairness and consideration 
shown by each subscriber to the other parties on his line. 


Each subscriber on the line, of course, is entitled to telephone service 
and should be permitted to talk without interruption or annoyance, and 
the privacy of his conversation respected. “The use of the telephone 
for long periods repeatedly by any single subscriber on a party line is 
somewhat beyond the purpose of a service designed to be equitably 
shared with others. 


ADJUSTMENT LETTERS 387 


The observance of the following points will aid materially in insuring 
good party line service. When the receiver is lifted from the hook 
and the line found in use, the receiver should be hung up immediately. 
While the receiver is off the hook, the other party’s conversation is inter- 
fered with. It is particularly important that no attempt be made to 
operate the receiver hook, or in the case of machine switching service to 
rotate the dial, when the line is determined to be in use. Under no 
circumstances should the receiver be placed against the transmitter. 
Since certain subscribers on your line are experiencing difficulty in 
securing good service, this letter is being sent to all parties on the 
line to see whether this undesirable condition may not be eliminated. 
May we have your full co-operation in this matter? 


Yours very truly, 


(h) 
Dear Sir: 


I am very glad of this opportunity to explain to you our charges for 
the local messages sent from your telephone during the months of 
August to November inclusive. 


A further investigation of our records was made after our representa- 
tive’s interviews with you, that revealed no errors or mechanical trou- 
ble with your telephone. I have, therefore, no hesitancy in assuring you 
that our charges as rendered represent only the actual service furnished 
from your station. 


A few local messages are of little consequence to this company in the 
aggregate of a year’s business—as measured against the satisfaction of 
our subscribers. Please allow me to call your attention to the fol- 
lowing conditions and facts in the hope that you will agree with us in 
the accuracy of our records. 


The charges for local messages in our system are based on a record 
made upon a highly developed scientific apparatus which is handled 
by trained operators. Their work is performed under strict and con- 
stant supervision during the entire twenty-four hours each day. As 
the operator who controls this apparatus has but a single function to 
perform, namely, that of handling outgoing calls, a high degree of 
accuracy is insured. On the other hand, without intending to detract 
from the efficiency of your own methods, I believe that your office tele- 
phone and its operation form but a minor part of your business activi- 
ties. I also assume that the same degree of attention does not exist 
in your office as in our central office and that therefore it is likely 
that omissions are made in your record of calls emanating from your 
telephone. 


388 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


In view of the foregoing, I believe that the discrepancies are not due 
to any inaccuracies in our system and consequently I do not feel that 
any allowance is justified. 


May I receive a prompt remittance of $87.07, the amount which is 
due on your account covering all charges up to December 31, 1924? 


Very truly yours, 


P. S. In order to acquaint you with our operating methods and that 
you may observe the precautions taken to prevent overcharges, I am 
inclosing an invitation for you to view one of our central offices. 


Why is the last letter not classified with collection letters? 
(7) 
Gentlemen: 


We are just as sorry as you are that the magazines promised for the 
10th of this month were not delivered until the 14th. 


The delay was caused because the mills did not deliver the paper on 
time, so that we were compelled to make an emergency purchase 
elsewhere. 


I realize that a few copies were not bound as well as most of the 
edition, but I think that you will agree with me that, on the whole, 
the edition was printed and bound as well as in your previous order. 
It is our wish to give your work our best attention, and we would 
appreciate your calling our attention to unsatisfactory work. 


Yours truly, 


(7) 
Dear Sir: 


Yours of recent date received and contents noted. Would advise you 
to hold transportation company for damages. Kindly note inclosed 
form. 


Trusting that this will meet with your approval, we remain, 


Respectfully yours, 


(k) 
Dear Madam: 


Our records show that the beads referred to in your letter of July 6 
went forward to you on July 11, and we hope have reached you safely. 
We regret the delay which has occurred in forwarding these to you. 


Yours very truly, 


ADJUSTMENT LETTERS 389 


(7) 
Dear Sir: 


We are in receipt of your notation on our statement of September 1 
covering a copy of Gosse’s “The Continuity of Literature’ which 
you advise us never was received by you. 


On looking up our records we find that a copy of this book was sent 
you from this office under date of June 5. Perhaps you were away 
from the college during the summer and therefore did not receive it. 
We would suggest that you make inquiries at the receiving room of the 
college, where it may be held for you. 


If you are unable to locate this shipment and still desire to examine 
this book, we shall be glad to send you a duplicate copy immediately 
upon receipt of your further word. 


Very truly yours, 
(m) 
Dear Sirs: 
Your letter of the 8th inst. received and contents noted. 


Are surprised you did not receive shipment of walnut beds in good 
condition. 


Beds left shipping room at this end in perfect condition. 


It is now up to you to take the matter up with the R.R. as our re- 
sponsibility ended when we placed beds with the R.R. 


Very truly yours, 


Does the following criticism by a correspondence super- 
visor cover all essential points with regard to the last letter? 


Your letter to Laury & Jones in regard to the walnut beds has 
just come to my attention. I should like to make a few suggestions 
to you about it. 

In the first place, remember that when you write a letter on our 
stationery you are representing this firm to the person to whom 
the letter is addressed. Therefore, you should write him the best letter 
you can. 

Now, let’s take up your letter. Don’t you think “Gentlemen’”’ 
sounds better than “Dear Sirs’? “Yours of the 8th inst.” sounds 
like some old dusty office on a side street where they still write invoices 
by hand, doesn’t it? Let’s make it, “Your letter of January 8.” 
Never tell a customer that you are surprised that the goods were dam- 
aged. That is unnecessary. ‘Tell him that you have investigated 
thoroughly and that they were correctly packed before they left us. 


390 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Then be easy and more or less detailed in explaining to him that 
the railroad is responsible for the damage. As he does not seem to 
know how to collect from the railroad, tell him that we shall assist 
him in filing the claim if he will send us the bill of lading. 

You have not been farsighted enough to see the customer’s point of 
view. How would you feel if you had received this letter? Person- 
ally, I would feel grieved to the point of discontinuing business 
relations. 

You have failed to indicate the spirit of codperation. Sound the key- 
note of cooperation throughout. 

Even if it was not our fault, we are sorry it happened. Tell him 
so. It will make a better friend of him. 

Now about the ending. It is best to make it formal and short. 
Why not say what you have to say and then put “Yours truly.” He 
will like it better that way than dangling after a hope. 


Carefully analyze (n) and (0) below to determine how 
successfully they incorporate the essential qualities of the type 
of adjustment they represent. ‘The first letter was written 
by an adjustment manager with twenty years’ experience in 
making adjustments for a large corporation. ‘The second 
letter was written by a woman correspondent with less ex- 
perience. 


(1) 
Gentlemen: 


The charge of $7.50 for the half-tone cut we made for you, to which 
your letter of August 3 has reference, covers only the actual cost of 
manufacture. 


Your impression that the charge is excessive is understandable, for 
the cost of producing such cuts varies greatly. Not only the fineness 
and clearness of the reproductions, but also the quality of the printing 
paper affect materially the labor charge involved in making any par- 
ticular cut. 


Our engravers are employees of long standing who know thoroughly 
the quality of paper and type of presses we use. “They consequently 
are in a position to do their work with a minimum loss of time and 
are able to produce precisely the results required. 


After taking into consideration these factors, you will, we are con- 
fident, willingly remit the full amount of our statement. You have 
our assurance that the charge is regular and in accordance with our 
established rates. 


Very truly yours, 


ADJUSTMENT LETTERS 391 
(0) 


Gentlemen: 
We are glad that your frank letter of August 3 gives us an opportunity 


to explain our charge of $7.50 for the cut made for your advertisement 
in the July issue of the Copper Industry Journal. 


Upon receiving your letter we immediately investigated our records of 
the transaction and found that $7.50 was the actual cost of the cut to 
our firm. 


As we wrote you on June 17, we are willing that our customers should 
furnish their own cuts. We offer our service in this connection as a 
favor to our friends and without profit to ourselves. 


A large majority of our customers prefer to have us make the cuts for 
two reasons: (1) This method saves time and trouble. (2) Their 
advertisements appear to better advantage when the cuts are made by 
our expert engravers who specialize in cuts for the particular quality of 
paper we use in our magazine. 

We sincerely trust that you were pleased with the appearance of your 
advertisement and that the results will convince you that the total 
amount of the bill, $186.75, has been money profitably spent. We 
shall consider it a privilege if you will write us whenever we may be 
of any possible service to you. 


Very truly yours, 


Analyze (p), (q), and (r) below, written by a large de- 
partment store in New York to its customers. Point out 
essential qualities as they are observed and as they are 
violated, keeping before you the type of letter each adjust- 
ment represents. 


(p) 
Dear Madam: 


Your letter of February 28 about the silk which did not give satisfaction 
has been received. 


An analytical test of the silk proves your contention. ‘The fabric was 
tender and we are indebted to you for calling it to our attention, 
thereby giving us an opportunity to please a valued patron. 


Your account has been credited for $9.95, the cost of the silk, and 
$5.00 for the expense you incurred in having the garment made. 


Yours very truly, 


392 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


(q) 
Dear Madam: 
Your order of March 3 was shipped by the Mallory Line on March 6. 
If, after inquiries have been made at the steamship office in your city, 
the chairs and table cannot be located, kindly make known to us your 
desires. We will either duplicate your order or refund the purchase 
price. 

Yours very truly, 


(r) 

Dear Sir: 

We wish to quote our advertisement featuring the overcoats of the 
kind you mention in your letter of March 4, “that while the large, 
luxurious, fleecy, napped coats were in demand, our cheviots, combined 
both good looks and wearing qualities that could not be surpassed.” 
It may be, now that this phase of the purchase is brought to your 
attention, you will understand our position. In any event, the next 
time you are in this vicinity, call in to see us. We shall be glad to 
examine the coat and give you our opinion. 


Yours truly, 


3. Criticize the following letters. Then rewrite them. 


(a) 
Dear Madam: 


It is so long since you have been in to see us that we are writing to 
ask if there has been any cause for complaint. 


Our constant aim is to give satisfaction, but sometimes mistakes will 
occur. Have we done anything to cause you displeasure? 


If we have, won’t you tell us about it so that we may make the neces- 
sary corrections late though it is? 


We have recently enlarged our store in order to accommodate the 
increasing patronage with which we are honored. Despite these im- 
provements we shall be unable to maintain our reputation for service 
unless our customers are kind enough to inform us when accidents 
happen. 


Won’t you please write us, telling how we may be of service to you? 
Very truly yours, 
Vice-President. 


ADJUSTMENT LETTERS 393 


(b) 
Dear Madam: 


Our ledger shows your account was inactive during January and we 
prefer to think this was due to your absence from the City rather than 
to any other cause. 
At this season of the year new things are coming in every day. Prices 
of winter wearables yet remaining are made most attractive. This 
is an especially opportune time for you to visit our store. 
We never forget those who have honored us with their confidence 
and patronage. May we remind you that The Hub now, as ever, is 
the superlative in merchandising and hospitality. 

Cordially yours, 


Credit Manager. 


(The foregoing letter was typed on a regular monthly 
statement used by the store.) 


II. Problems in Writing Letters of Adjustment. 


1. Write a claim letter to the Chicago, Milwaukee, and 
St. Paul Railroad, basing your letter on the facts in the prob- 
lem indicated by the letter on page 378. 

2. Write the claim letter to which the letter on page 376 
is the response. 

3. Write the claim letter to which the adjustment letter 
on page 379 is the response. 

4. With the headings on page 376 as a guide, make ap- 
propriate structural headings for each of the letters quoted 
to illustrate the four types of adjustment letter on pages 377- 
381. 

5. Mr. E. Joiner, 453 Willow Street, Omaha, Nebraska, 
a credit customer, writes that he cannot accept the case of 
canned peaches you shipped with his last order. ‘The wrap- 
pers on the cans are so badly soiled that he cannot put them 
on his shelves. Apparently the case has been wet. ‘The 
other goods are satisfactory. He writes that the box shows 
signs of having become wet but that he did not notice this 
external evidence until he had unpacked the cans. 

Your records show that the goods were received by the 
shipper in good condition. The cans must have become wet 
in transit. You are forwarding a duplicate shipment at the 


394 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


same price. As you cannot use the peaches for resale, and 
as he has taken them out of the hands of the carrier, induce 
Mr. Joiner to keep them. Offer him a twenty per cent re- 
duction. As the contents are perfect, suggest that he put 
the soiled cans on special sale. | 

(1) Write Mr. Joiner’s letter to your company. (2) 
Write the company’s letter to Mr. Joiner. 

6. Mrs. Ethel Worden, 876 Clarendon Street, Atlanta, 
Georgia, subscribed to your magazine, The Thrifty House- 
wife, on September 20. ‘The agent assured her that she 
would receive the first copy of The Thrifty Housewife on 
October 1. She paid for the subscription, but it is now 
October 9 and she has not received your magazine. 

You find that her name is not on your list of subscribers. 
You have never employed agents to secure subscriptions. 
Ask Mrs. Worden for full details concerning the date on 
which she subscribed, the name and appearance of the agent, 
the receipt she received from him, and any other details you 
deem necessary for tracing the man who swindled Mrs. 
Worden. If you alarm her, she may not send the desired in- 
formation, which is valuable to you in tracing the impostor. 

(1) Write the letter to Mrs. Worden. (2) Assuming 
that Mrs. Worden has answered your questions and has sent 
the receipt, write her a letter of thanks and inform her that 
you are putting her name on your list of subscribers for one 
year in spite of the fact that you are under no obligation to 
do so, as you have absolutely no connection with the man who 
swindled her, whom you will make every effort to trace and 
punish. Sell your service. 

7. Mrs. Lois Grose, 48 Rose Avenue, Indianapolis, Indi- 
ana, an old customer, protests against your charge of $2.48 a 
yard for four yards of the silk poplin you sent in response 
to her order. She understood the price to be $1.98 a yard. 

You discover that this price is quoted in an old catalogue. 
Two catalogues have been issued since. ‘The latest edition, 
dated one month before you received her order, quotes the 
poplin at $2.48 a yard. She should have received a new 
catalogue. You are therefore willing to give her the quotation 
of $2.37 in the previous catalogue from which she should have 
ordered. Quality for quality your silks are priced lower than 
those of competitors. Send her the latest catalogue. 


ADJUSTMENT LETTERS S70 


8. Mr. A. Bartlett, whose wife is a well-rated charge 
customer, came into your department store to buy a pair of 
roller skates for his son. When he arrived at the counter, two 
clerks, who were talking and joking, paid no attention to him. 
After he had examined several pairs of roller skates lying on 
the counter, he ventured to request one of the clerks to show 
him the proper skates for a boy five years old. The clerk 
did not do as much as step toward him but simply waved his 
hand toward the skates on the counter. Upon consulting the 
nearest floor manager, Mr. Bartlett was told that what he 
said could not be possible. So Mr. Bartlett, who had never 
bought a pair of roller skates and did not know the proper 
type for a young boy, went across the street to your com- 
petitor and bought a pair of skates for $6.00. He does not 
care to enter your store again.—Write a letter conciliating 
Mr. Bartlett and apologizing for the discourtesy offered him. 
Remember that his wife has been a steady and very profitable 
customer. 

9. Assume that you are employed as correspondent for the 
Bell Telephone Company, Your City, and that you receive the 
following report from your outside representative: 


After a personal interview with Mr. Robert Ellen, 409 Butt Street, 
telephone number Brintley 7098, I wish to report that he will not 
accept my verbal explanation of the charges. “The charges for local 
messages billed for the months of August, September, October, and 
November are correct. Verification of all records has been made. 
No mechanical trouble was discovered. He desires a full explanation 
in writing. 


Write the letter. 


10. (1) Write a criticism pointing out specifically how the 
following letters fail to make an adjustment. The claim ex- 
plained definitely that the heater is not operating satisfactorily 
(the cellar is overheated but the rooms are difficult to heat) 
and asked for service to remedy the situation. The claim letter 
included the statement, ‘‘As I purchased this house last 
November, and as the owner has moved out of the city, I do 
not know who installed the boiler in the autumn of 1924,”— 
Use the criticism on page 389 as a model, 


396 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 

(a) 

Mr. A. Burton, 

Leonia, N. J. 

Dear Sir :-— | 

Weare in receipt of your letter of the 17th in regard to the RADIANT 


Boiler installed in your home. We are sending you card of directions 
for operating the boiler and would suggest that you get in touch with 
our New York office at 359 West 42nd Street. 


They will be glad to give you all the information that you require to 
make this heater operate successfully. 


12/19/23 


Yours very truly, 
IDEAL FURNACE COMPANY. 


(This letter carried no personal signature. ) 
(b) 
Mr. A. Burton, 
Leonia, N. J. 
Dear Sir: 


We have your letter of the 28th ult., in reference to the Boiler installed 
in your home. 


New York Office) Jansgmiaad 


From the complaints you make, we find that it is not the fault of the 
Boiler that you do not get the desired results, but due to the installa- 
tion of system. 


We would advise that you get in touch with the party who made the © 
installation. 
Yours very truly, 
IDEAL FURNACE CoMPANY. 


(This letter carried no personal signature. ) 


(2) Rewrite the second letter. 

11. Rewrite the following letters, making any changes in 
structure and phrasing you deem necessary to make the letter 
modern and effective. 


(a) 
Gentlemen: 


Replying to your letter of Feb. 18th in regard to the linings which 
you have on back order, we wish to state that these are new goods 


ADJUSTMENT LETTERS 397 


coming for February Ist delivery and we are receiving some of these 
goods every day. However, the patterns which you ordered have not 
yet arrived. We are writing the manufacturer again today that if he 
has not already sent these goods to hurry them forward by express 
and we hope to be able to ship your order within a few days, for which 
we ask your indulgence. | 


With kind regards, we are 
Yours very truly, 


(b) 
Dear Doctor: 


We are inclosing postage to cover the return of the Skelly Grinder 
to us here, and we will attach your Grusi Articulator. The factory 
evidently made a mistake in your case and sent the Grinder direct to you 
instead of to us, as they have done in other cases, as we much prefer 
to mount the Articulator, although the operation is not a hard one. 
We are very sorry that this mistake was made and if you will kindly 
forward the Grinder to us we will immediately return it to you cor- 
rectly attached for working. 


Very truly, 
(c) 
Gentlemen: 
We thank you for your letter of February 7th, advising that freight 


bill covering the two barrels Zinc Oxide shipped on December 20th 
has been sent to your auditing company in Philadelphia. 


We would appreciate it very much indeed if it would be possible for 
you to secure a copy of this paid freight bill from your agent at 
Allentown, Pennsylvania. 

We are certain this could be secured without any trouble and assure 
you that your co-operation in this connection will be greatly appreciated. 


Yours very truly, 


12. Write the letter in response to the following claim. 
It is the second written by the customer. 


Gentlemen: 


If you had to wait for a meal as long as I have had to wait for your 
repair man, you would have starved by this time. 


The typewriter is vital to my income, and the loss of use even for 
one day is a great hardship. I waited two weeks for delivery, and I 
have now waited two weeks more for your Mr. Wayte. You will 
remember that you guaranteed immediate shipment. You also prom- 


398 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


ised a perfect machine and good service, and yet the machine failed to 
operate satisfactorily within an hour after I had begun to use it. 


You have not fulfilled any part of your contract, although I sent you 
the initial payment on time and also the first installment. 


I will return the machine if satisfactory repairs are not made within 
forty-eight hours from the receipt of this letter. It is now eleven A.M., 
March 7, 1925. 

Very truly yours, 


13. Answer the following letter: 


Gentlemen: 


I was surprised to learn from your letter of September 7, that you 
have no record in your sales files of the return privilege granted meeon 
the Victrola I purchased last July. This seems most extraordinary, 
as your salesman stated that I would be allowed to return the Victrola 
within one month and receive a rebate of ten dollars. 


In view of the statement made to me by one of your employes, I feel 
that you will readily see that I *am justified in expecting a rebate. 
Inclosed is a duplicate copy of the purchase slip which shows the number 
and the size of the Victrola, its price, and the salesman’s name. 


I shall appreciate your immediate attention to this matter, as I am 
desirous of getting a rebate, as promised. 


Yours truly, 


MILtTon IRVINGTON. 


Mr. Irvington paid down $25 with the understanding that he | 


had the privilege of using the machine for two weeks on his 
summer holiday and that if he did not wish to keep it he might 
return it within a month, receiving an allowance of ten dollars. 
As conditions made it impossible for him to return to the city, 
he sent the machine by express. It arrived safely and showed 
no signs of anything but careful use. You have verified the 
sales slip and find it valid. 





CHAPTER XIII 
THE LETTER OF APPLICATION 


To write a good letter of application is surely the crowning 
achievement of a successful writer of business letters. What 
he has learned in the process of selling tangible goods and 
intangible good will, he now applies to his own most personal 
problem. 

Selling one’s services in the mart of modern commerce is, 
if practiced well, a most rewarding occupation. ‘Tact and 
sound judgment are indispensable. The character, ability, 
and capacity of the*seeker after a better position are revealed 
clearly to the seeing eyes of able executives by the manner in 
which the applicant selects, organizes, and phrases his letter 
material. 

The letter of application is one of the most important links 
in the chain of business activities, not only for the applicant 
but also for the employer. By means of it the employer who 
is careful to secure the right man for a vacancy can, at the 
outset, quickly and unobtrusively eliminate undesirable appli- 
cants. It enables him, moreover, to get in touch with a 
greater number of likely candidates than would be possible 
under any other circumstances, because the letter affords the 
applicant a confidential means of putting his services at the 
disposal of a chosen employer. 

Kinds of letters of application—There are two great 
classes of letters of application: (1) Solicited letters are 
those written in response to advertisements (want ads). 
(2) Unsolicited letters are written (a) when the applicant 
hears of a vacancy or when he writes at the suggestion of 
some one who knows the prospective employer and his need 
for a man, or (b) when the applicant writes on the chance 
that there is or will be an opening which he is qualified to fill. 

The letter of application is competitive. Because the vast 
majority are written in response to wants made known through 

399 


400 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


advertisements, the applicant’s letter is one of scores and, very 
frequently, of hundreds of letters with which his must com- 
pete. Asa rule, the solicited application is made for positions 
paying an average wage or salary. When a high-salaried man 
applies for a position, he usually does so because he has heard 
of a desirable vacancy, for which he applies without having 
been solicited by the employer. On the other hand, the man 
seeking to better himself may have decided that he wishes to 
establish connection with a certain firm. He writes a letter 
on speculation, purposing to interest the employer in his 
abilities, so that when an opening occurs, his application will 
be considered. Although letters of this type are not as 
numerous in the aggregate, for a given position, as the solic- 
ited letters, nationally known firms always have on file a repre- 
sentative number of unsolicited applications. These will 
receive favorable consideration when a vacancy occurs. In 
this connection it should be remembered that the application 
is always competitive. To receive favorable consideration, the 
application must therefore stand out. 

Character, ability, capacity—To make an impression, the 
application must incorporate the seven qualities of business 
writing, but especially character. Most people engaged in 
business have at some time or other written letters of appli- 
cation. Whatever is done by most people is most often done 
badly. As this applies to the type of letter considered in this 
chapter, you can make your character stand out if you show 
a spirit of initiative, building the message so that it reveals 
your personality. Personality is that quality which makes a 
person attractively different from his fellows. Let your letter 
bear the stamp of your personality. 

The employer, furthermore, looks for ability. Ability can 
be demonstrated by reference to education, training, and ex- 
perience. ‘The application is in itself an indication that the 
applicant desires the position. The employer gives favorable 
consideration if he can find an impressive answer to the 
question, “Why does this man think he is fitted for this 
position?” 

You must, finally, show capacity. Capacity is the power 
to grow, develop, and expand with the increasing responsi- 
bilities of one’s positton. The far-seeing executive, with a 
vision of expanding and ever-growing business activities, must 


- 
? 





THE LETTER OF APPLICATION 401 


have helpers able to keep one step ahead of the requirements 
of the positions they hold. Let your letter, therefore, show 
your ambition to assume greater responsibilities. 

The prospective employer is inevitably and vitally inter- 
ested in you when your message radiates your personality, your 
proved ability to work, and your capacity for growth. 

The principle of adaptation.—The impressive letter of 
application harmonizes the ability of the applicant and the 
needs of the employer. It leads, if successful, to an interview. 

What you write and the manner in which you write it must 
meet the requirements of the position you seek. Write, there- 
fore, from the point of view of the employer. Visualize not 
only the man himself but also the duties of the person he will 
employ. Present your preparation, training, and experience 
in their relation to the specific use the employer can make of 
them. 

Study the employer’s business.—Then ask yourself, 
“What in my experience and training fits the needs of the man 
to whom [ am writing?’ Your general qualifications should 
be sifted until you find precisely those elements that focus 
directly and unmistakably on the employer’s business. If, for 
example, you have discovered a special gift for making adjust- 
ments, and therefore desire a broader field to develop your 
ability, concentrate on those phases of your training and 
experience which especially fit you for the assumption of the 
larger responsibilities of the position you seek in the adjust- 
ment department. 

Exhibit your interest in the employer’s business.—Gen- 
uine interest in his business, together with straightforward but 
modest confidence in your ability to give constructive aid in 
his plans for development, is the key to favorable attention. 

Show initiative—Show what you will mean to the busi- 
ness if you are employed. Believe in yourself. Know what 
you want: determine to get it. Cheerfulness is an indispens- 
able because contagious quality in business. ‘To assure the 
desirable air of optimism and self-reliance, keep the position 
you have, however undesirable it may be. A man out of a 
job invariably allows an air of anxiety to creep into his letter. 
Worry eats out the heart of self-reliance. When a man feels 
that he must have the position, wholesome eagerness for ad- 
vancement shades perceptibly into overeagerness and anxiety. 


402 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


These are falsettos which the employer is keen to note. Rea- 
sonable confidence in yourself begets confidence in others. 

The use of “I” is not objectionable.—Adaptation to the 
requirements of the desired position does not exclude the use 
of “I.” You are selling your services. Your personality and 
your training and experience are the most interesting things 
in the letter. The reader will not be offended if you use “I” 
when you need to, provided the tone of the letter is in other 
respects modest. A conscious attempt to avoid “I” by means 
of circumlocutions leads to violation of compactness, and 
establishes an atmosphere of artificiality which itself may 
give an impression of insincerity or lack of faith in yourself. 

The letter reproduced below represents a successful appli- 
cation for the position advertised as follows: “Football coach 
wanted—Young man who has not only had football experi- 
ence but one who also is qualified particularly to handle boys. 
State age and qualifications. Mr. G. H. Povey, Povey Pre- 
paratory School, Middletown, New York.” 


Dear Sir: 


“Particularly qualified to handle boys.” That statement in your adver- 
tisement in the New York “Times” this morning appealed to me. 


I shall be twenty-three when I graduate this June. 


I played football for four years at Brunswick School. I received a 
thorough experience also in directing extra-curricular activities. 


Upon my graduation in 1917 I entered the Merchant Marine. The 
following year I enlisted in the Navy. I was assigned to the train- 
ing station at Hampton Roads for four months of my year’s service. 
I know I broadened my experience in handling boys considerably while 
training recruits there. 


In 1919 I entered Dartmouth and played football that year on the © 
freshman team under Coach Giles. Next year I played under Coach ~ 
Spears. During the last two years I have been under the direction — 


of Coach Cannel. 


I enjoy studying boys. My role in the fraternity has been that of — 


general adviser to the underclassmen. 


I like football and I like boys. I should like to have the opportunity — 
to prove that I am qualified to make football in your school a factor — 


in helping the boy find the man. 


May I have an interview? 
Very truly yours, 





se ee ee eee ee 


ee ee ee Oe nee 


oe 


THE LETTER OF APPLICATION 403 


This letter reveals character. It gives the principal of the 
preparatory school a picture of a wide-awake, active, whole- 
some young man with American ideals. The letter focuses, 
in every sentence, on the needs of the employer. The writer 
allows the facts to speak for themselves, but he adds, in the 
closing paragraphs, a frank expression of his interest in boys, 
treating this interest, however, as a fact. Although the “I” 
is used more frequently than is absolutely necessary, it is not, 
in this letter, obtrusive or offensive. 

Facts and opinions.—Although the application should 
give an index of the writer’s character, many applicants 
weaken their appeals by unguarded statements of opinion. 
Pertinent facts concerning education, training, and experience 
must be included, and there is no objection to an expression 
of opinion concerning these, provided always that the opinion 
is modestly and tactfully phrased. Opinions, however, are 
not essential. ‘The writer’s references, which will be investi- 
gated, bring past and present successes to the employer’s 
attention. Although the writer must not leave himself out of 
the letter, he must guard against inept phrasings that do not 
produce the intended impression. Written words are colder 
than spoken words. The identical statement which in a per- 
sonal interview is not objectionable—because of face expres- 
sion, tone of voice, and gestures—may nevertheless be unfor- 
tunate when it is typed on a letter sheet. 


Obtrusive: I recently completed a course in the Bridlington School 
of Filing. I am competent not only to install a filing system that will 
meet the needs of your bank, but also to operate it successfully. 


Modest: ‘The course which I completed in the Bridlington School (By. 


of Filing was planned to prepare me for successfully installing and ° 
operating a filing system like that in your bank. 

Assertive: Since my graduation I have gained practical experience 
in the filing department of a large Trust Company in New York. I 
am thoroughly competent and can unfailingly make an _ intelligent 
application of modern filing methods to the specific needs of your 
business. 

Modest: My practical experience in the filing department of a large 
Trust Company in New York has taught me how to make intelligent 
application of modern filing methods to the specific needs of your 
business. 

Opinionated: I am bright, experienced, and take pleasure in my 
work. (‘Bright” is offensive.) 





44) “MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


‘oh © Ginter: My references will prove that I have been alert, capable, 
ase conscientious. (Stated more as historical fact.) 


It should be remembered, however, that the greater the 
self-confidence of the applicant, the greater the confidence of 
the employer; and that the more timid the applicant, the less 
confident the employer. It is fatal to allow the phrasing to 
show weakness or doubt. ‘The phrasing should be as strong 
and frank as the facts allow. Nevertheless, it must be re- 
membered, in this connection, that unguarded expression of 
opinion about one’s self is almost always offensive. ‘The 
examples given above indicate how to convert a conceivably 
offensive opinion into a confidence-inspiring statement of fact. 
The following examples show how to change a weak state- 
ment into one that has character. 


Weak: I feel that I would make good as manager of your adjust- 
ment department. 

Character: I am certain that I can perform the exacting duties 
of the manager of your adjustment department. Or: I am confident _ 
that my experience and my references show that I can perform the | 


_exacting duties.of the.manager of ... 


Weak: My training ought to help me, and my experience in my 
present position would enable me to give complete satisfaction. 

Character: My training prepared me for just such a position as that 
now open, and the experience I have gained in my present position will 
enable me to solve the most difficult problems faced by the man you 
employ. 

Weak: I could easily adapt myself to the routine of your office. 

Strong: | can rapidly.adapt.myself to the routine of your office. —__ 


The florid style—When applying for a position, many 
young people falsely consider it necessary to adopt an impres- 
sive style. A florid or bookish style is never in place in busi- 
ness writing, least of all in a letter of application. Inflated 
diction gives an impression of insincerity or affectation. In 
either case the employer is unfavorably impressed. ‘The tone 
of the letter should be frank and straightforward; the diction, 
simple and businesslike. 


Florid: | am in earnest in my endeavor to secure a position with 
your company and to seek the just rewards of proved ability. 

Inflated: The fact is, I have amassed unusual experience as a result 
of years of assiduous labor. 


LHE LETTER OF APPLICATION 405 


Because of adverse circumstances, my education has been retarded, but 
what I have been compelled to omit in extent of education I have 
endeavored to compensate by continual application to special studies 
in the field to which the activities of the unoccupied position in your 
establishment appertain. 


Such unconvincing sentences, taken directly from actual 
letters written by ambitious but untrained young men, show 
that the writers are unfit for business or that they labor under 
the delusion that high-sounding words are a sign of education. 
Observe how genuine and refreshing the following simple 
sentences are by comparison. | 


rT feel qualified to fill the positionefficiently’ I think so not only 


ecausé my students who took part in state-wide contests won prizes, 
but also because my superiors have been pleased with my work. 


Remember, furthermore, that the material should be 
phrased to suit the point of view of the employer. It is not 
sufficient to select the contents with his needs and desires in 
mind, but you must keep before you the individuality and 
character of the person addressed. Some men like a breezy 
style; others prefer a more conservative phrasing. Even if 
you cannot know the individual who will read your letter, you 
can familiarize yourself with the house character of the firm. 
Adapt your style to the prevailing house character. If you 
really want the position for which you are applying, the time 
and energy you spend on such important considerations are 
invested to advantage. You may be certain that most of the 
applicants will not trouble themselves about these important 
details. The prevailing negligence gives you an opportunity 
to make your message stand out in the competition for the 
position. 

Correctness is important.—Fragmentary sentences, care- 
less punctuation, misspelling, and other similar faults are but 
so many indications of carelessness and incompetency. ‘The 
story is told of the applicant for a ten-thousand-dollar posi- 
tion, who failed to receive favorable consideration because 
he closed his letter with the statement, “I will be glad to 
submit to a rigid examination in a personal interview at your 
call.” The employer remarked that the position in question 
carried too great responsibility in details to be entrusted to 


406 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH | 


a man so careless about details as not to have informed him- — 
self on the correct use of “shall” and “will.” 

The structure of the letter.—The letter of application is 
a sales letter. It sells service. ‘The principles of letter sales- 
manship should be applied to the fine art of selling your 
services to the best advantage. Awaken the curiosity of the 
prospective employer. Turn curiosity into interest. Convert 
interest into desire. Establish contact by asking for an inter- 
view. In the interview, establish conviction. 

With few exceptions the complete letter of application 
contains the following headings: 


1. Purpose of the letter. 

2. Age and education. 

3. Experience. 

4. References (preferred to testimonials )—character, 
ability. 

5. Request for an interview. 


The purpose of the letter is always stated at the outset; 
age, education, experience, and references are stated so as to 
persuade the employer; and the request for an interview al- 
ways Closes the letter. 

1. Compelling attention—The unsolicited application 
must, like any other sales letter, have an interest-compelling 
first sentence. Even the solicited application is not certain 
to be read unless it has an attention-catching first sentence. 
Give thought, then, to your opening sentence. 

The indirect opening has no attention value. The follow- 
ing openings are weak because they are indirect : 


(1) A capable secretary is an asset in any business. A reliable and 
conscientious secretary is a great help to the business man. In your — 
advertisement you state that you want a capable secretary—one who ~ 
can take dictation rapidly, and who has some knowledge of accounting. 
You also state that you want a secretary who has a command of good ~ 
business English. 


The entire solicited application from which this opening ~ 
is taken is as wordy as this opening paragraph. ‘The moraliz- © 
ing tone of the opening sentence is unbusinesslike. The un- — 
necessary restatement of the requirements kills interest. 





) | THE LETTER OF APPLICATION 407 


(2) You are the judge and, as in court, the defendant must give 
reasons for taking the stand he does in order to convince his hearers. 
(Solicited. ) 

(3) Are. you interested in modern business methods? (This letter 
continues to generalize like the first example. ) 


The customary participial opening is always weak. It is 
not necessary to state where you saw the advertisement. 


Hackneyed: Replying to your advertisement in this 
morning’s Times, I hereby submit my application for the posi- 
tion as purchasing clerk in your grocery department. 

Direct: I wish to be considered for the position of pur- 
chasing clerk in your grocery department. 


The following openings are direct and to the point. They 
also avoid the stereotyped approach certain to be used by most 
applicants. These openings, furthermore, immediately answer 
the employer’s question, ‘‘What does the applicant want?” 
As this question is always uppermost in the employer’s mind, 
the application, whether solicited or unsolicited, may safely 
begin with a statement like those that follow. 


(1) Will you need a stenographer during July and August to sub- 
stitute for your stenographers while they are on their vacations? 
~(Unsolicited. ) 

(2) I am certain that I can make good as correspondent in your col- 
lection department. (Solicited. ) 

(3) As I am confident that I can teach the commercial subjects in 
your school, I am submitting my qualifications for your consideration. 
(Solicited, but also good for an unsolicited letter.) 


2. Suggestive opening.—When the answer is suggested but 
not precisely expressed, the writer must be certain that the 
opening sentence does definitely suggest (imply) the answer. 
The attention-getter must be relevant. 


(1) For two years (1922-1924) I was secretary to Mr. J. H. Purdy, 
manager of your Denver branch, whose letter of introduction I inclose. 
After a year in Europe, where I visited my mother, I desire to enter 
the employ of your company in its New York offices as secretary or 
correspondent. ( Unsolicited.) 


(2) My training in the School of Business at Columbia University 
and my three years’ experience as marketing expert with Alcomb & Hall, 
New York, lead me to believe that you will consider me for the impor- 


408 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


tant position now vacant in your marketing department. (Solicited, © 
but also suitable for an unsolicited application.) 

(3) Nine years ago the writer of this letter began as dishwasher in a 
large hotel, but he worked his way step by step to the position of man- 
ager.. Then he traveled for three years, working and studying meth- 
ods in over forty recognized hotels in twenty-three states. He has a 
position, but now seeks the opportunity to apply his knowledge and 
experience to the problem of developing your publications so that they — 
will realize the wonderful opportunities the hotel market provides for 
them. Will you employ a man whose preparation has familiarized him 
with every detail of hotel operation and management? ( Unsolicited.) 
(Observe that the narrative opening grips attention. ) 


3. Persuading the employer—To persuade the employer 
that you are the man for the position, answer this question: 
“Why does the applicant feel qualified to fill this position?” 
The statement of reasons why you feel qualified should always 
be simple, frank, definite, and complete. 

This part of the letter is characterized by simplicity in 
contents and phrasing. All statements should be definite and 
explicit. Wague generalizations arouse a negative impression 
and, moreover, suggest that the applicant is incapable of pre- 
cise and clear-cut thinking. Nothing unrelated to the special 
needs of the position is admissible. To avoid suspicion and 
unfavorable interpretation, do not leave gaps in the record of 
experience. 

After you have selected your material, determine upon 
the grouping that most persuasively sets forth the facts of 
your preparation and experience. Analysis reveals the core 
thought. This central selling thought is the outstanding fact 
or qualification, the one that will impress the employer most 
favorably. All other facts, ideas, and data should be grouped 
so as to focus upon and stress this outstanding qualification. 
The same careful judgment and ingenuity used in the organiza- 
tion of the sales letter should be applied to the letter of 
application. 

This part of the letter states the facts of your age, educa- 
tion, and experience. Here, also, you give your references. 
The stated order of these headings is customarily observed. 
Certain departures, however, are permissible and, often, de- 
sirable. Whatever the order of these headings, they are used 


THE LETTER OF APPLICATION 409 


to create desire and persuade the employer to grant you an 
interview. 

Ordinarily the matter of salary is left for discussion in 
the interview. If not, the salary expected is stated after the 
section on experience and before the paragraph on references. 

When the advertisement specifies headings upon which the 
employer desires information, these should be followed in the 
order in which they appear in the advertisement. Additional 
headings may be used or not, according to the judgment of 
the applicant. 

In applying for important positions with high salaries, 
the applicant may vary the order of the second, third, and 
fourth headings if he is certain that he can present his mate- 
rial more persuasively in his own way. 

In special cases, for example, it may seem desirable to 
discuss experience before education, especially when education 
is less important than experience. Or, again, if the applicant’s 
most convincing qualifications are based on experience, it is 
good strategy to bury the less convincing educational features 
in the middle of the letter. The normal order is effective when 
education needs to be stressed, or when the applicant’s educa- 
tional qualifications are stronger than his experience. 

References and recommendations constitute the prelim- 
inary evidence for establishing conviction. Because letters of 
recommendation are easy to get, they carry less weight than 
good references. References are more important in some in- 
stances than in others. A bank, for example, or a well-estab- 
lished house, usually investigates more carefully than a new, 
rapidly expanding concern. References should be specific, 
especially in identifying the official position of the person 
whose name is used as a reference. 

References may be supplemented by other forms of evi- 
dence. A secretary or stenographer can show ability by typing 
the letter according to the most approved modern usage. 
commercial artist may submit—or offer to submit in the inter- 
view—specimens of his work. A copywriter may include speci- 
mens of successful copy. 

References should be made with permission. It is good 
policy to request permission to use the name of an individual 
or a firm, and, also, to inform the person that you have used 
his name, and in what connection. : 
y 


ie) 


410 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Letters of recommendation should be copied. Never allow — 


the original to leave your possession. Send a copy, clearly 
marked with the word ‘‘Copy”’ at the top of the sheet. 


Ordinarily there should not be more than three carefully — 


selected references. [These should be tabulated. 


Example of how to make reference: 1 refer you by permission to 
Mr. A. J. Biddle, Manager of Collections, 
Allen and Wolton, 58 Vesey Street, New York. 


Confusing: I have permission to refer you to Mrs. L. Jens, Prin- 
cipal of the Central High School, Muncie, Indiana; Miss Jane Brown, 
one of my former commercial teachers, 2657 Fifth Street, New Lebanon, 
Indiana; and Mr. T. H. Apple, President of Kentucky State Normal 
College, Bowling Green, Kentucky. 


Easy to refer to: I have permission to refer you to” 


Mrs. L. Jens, Principal, Central High School, Muncie, Indiana. 


Miss Jane Brown (one of my teachers in commercial subjects) 


2657 Fifth Street, New Lebanon, Indiana. 


Mr. T. H. Apple, President of Kentucky State Normal College, 
Bowling Green, Kentucky. 


4. Establishing contact—The closing paragraph is too 
frequently neglected. Many otherwise good applications close 
with a weak thought weakly phrased. 

(1) The effective close not only stimulates action, but 
also makes action easy. ‘This is accomplished by a definite 
statement of how and when the employer may reach the appli- 
cant. 

The following type of close does not establish contact : 


Incomplete: I am certain that an interview will establish my fitness 
for this position. Yours truly, 

Complete: An interview will prove that I can fill this position. 
You can reach me by telephone between the hours cf nine and four 
at Leonia 901. My home telephone is Cliffside 867. 

Poor: I can be reached by telephoning Gramercy 753 or at the 
following address. 

Better: You can reach me by telephoning Gramercy 753 or by 
writing to the address given below. 


(2) The character of the whole letter is weakened by a 
stereotyped close. Avoid the hackneyed participial close, 


THE LETTER OF APPLICATION 411 


which is always weak. Avoid “hope” and “trust.” In place 
of these, use a straightforward statement. The following 
locutions have been used time out of mind. 


Weak: 1 trust I may hear from you favorably.—I hope to hear 
from you favorably.—I trust you will grant me an interview.—I hope 
you will give me an interview.—I trust you will favor me with an 
interview. 

Weak and hackneyed: Trusting to hear favorably from you, I am— 
Anticipating the pleasure of an early reply, I am—Trusting to be 
granted an interview, I am—Trusting you will grant me an interview, 
I am—Awaiting your reply and hoping for an interview—Awaiting an 
early reply, I beg to remain. 


(3) Other types of weak closing sentences follow. 


Unfortunate: Please be kind enough to grant me an interview.— 
An early reply will be an act of courtesy. 

If you think that personal contact will result favorably, I shall be 
glad to be interviewed at your convenience. 

Veiled command: Will you please give me an interview so that I 
can go more thoroughly into my qualifications. 

Vulgar: Call me any time on the phone (Morningside 6798) for an 
interview. 

Effusive (written by a man): Thank you ever so much for granting 
me an interview. 


(4) The following closing sentences are superior to those 
quoted above. Note that in each case the close is strong. 


Strong: I am certain that I can fill the position to your complete 
satisfaction. You can reach me by... 
An interview will prove my ability to meet your exacting requirements. 
Between nine and five you can reach me by telephoning Gramercy 0679. 
An interview will enable me to substantiate my statements, etc. 
If character, ability, and willingness to work are desired, I can fill the 
position to your complete satisfaction. You can reach me by... 


The attention value of physical make-up—When scores 
of solicited applications are received in a single mailing, the 
employer selects the best-looking letters for first consideration. 
Usually he need not look further. He knows from experience 
that the capable applicant realizes the value of good appear- 
ance. Man instinctively inclines favorably to a well-dressed 


412 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


person. The same instinct makes him favorably disposed 
toward a letter of good appearance. 

Your letter will stand out if you give attention to the 
stationery and to the display of the letter on the sheet. 

(1) Use the standard white business sheet, never social 
stationery. It pays to buy a good quality of bond paper. Use 
a plain sheet without a printed letterhead. Certainly never 
use the letterhead of the firm by which you are employed. 
Unless the advertisement specifically requests a pen-written 
letter, follow modern practice by typing your letter. Look 
to it that your typewriter is in good condition, especially the 
type-face and ribbon. A typewritten letter is conspicuous 
among the many pen-written letters, not only because it is 
typed but also because a typed letter has a clean-cut appearance. 

(2) When answering a blind advertisement (one in which 
the name of the firm or employer is not revealed), omit the 
inside address and salutation. Such applications had better 
be tabulated. In a tabulated letter the left margin should be 
slightly over two inches wide. 

(3) Even when the material is not tabulated—as it most 
often is in applications for routine positions—it is a help to 
clearness and good appearance to use marginal headings such 
as Education, Experience, and References. In letters applying 
for high-salaried positions such an arrangement is probably 
too mechanical to admit of a proper display of character. - 

(4) Whatever the display, adjust the black and white 
spaces so that the letter will be attractive to the eye. 

(5) The letter of application ordinarily should not be 
longer than one typed page. 

Adjust the material of your letter as carefully as a good 
salesman does his clothes before he leaves his hotel in the 
morning for calls on customers. 

When the employer sees you son into his office for the 
interview which the carefully planned letter has won for you, 
he should be able to say, “Yes, this is the man who wrote the 
letter. 

The application follow-up.— Often the applicant has had 
the privilege of a personal interview after a solicited or un- 
solicited application, but has not received the appointment. 
Or, he has had the courtesy of an acknowledgment of his 
unsolicited letter. It is good strategy to make use of such 


THE LETTER OF APPLICATION 413 


an opportunity to create a favorable impression by following 
up the interview or acknowledgment. Such a follow-up usually 
takes the form of a brief, appreciative note of thanks for the 
‘courtesy that has been extended. Such a follow-up keeps 
your application fresh in the mind of the reader. Your tact- 
ful persistence is in your favor. 

Briefly stress the qualification that especially fits you for 
the position. You can do this advantageously, because the 
interview has given you a definite, first-hand conception of the 
employer’s needs. ‘The follow-up should be mailed so as to 
reach the employer on the day after the interview; that is, at 
the time when he is finally considering a few selected candi- 
dates. [he psychological justification of the follow-up pro- 
cedure is found in the fact that the average executive admires 
initiative and persistence. He is inclined to favor the candi- 
date who knows what he wants and has the backbone to go 
after it. 


Exercises. 


I. Letters of Application for Oral Analysis and Written 


Revision. 


1. Analyze the following unsolicited applications. Point 
out the strong and the weak points in tone, phrasing, and struc- 
ture. In each case put yourself in the place of the employer. 
Has the applicant made a strong appeal? If so, how? If 
not, why not? 


(1) 
My dear Sir: 


Shall you need a stenographer during July and August to substitute 
for your stenographers while they are on their vacations? 


I am a high school graduate with four years of successful experience, 
and would like to be considered for such a position. 


Since my graduation from the Fort Lee High School in 1921, where 
I took the four-year commercial course, I have been secretary to Mr. 
Arthur E. Chase, Supervising Principal of the Fort Lee schools, Fort 
Lee, N. J. I have been reappointed for the coming year at an in- 
creased salary. To broaden my business experience, I should like to 
secure a position in a concern such as yours during the coming summer . 
vacation. 


414 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Last summer I was employed as a stenographer in the Claim Depart- 
ment of the Third Avenue Railway Company. In this position I took 
much of the dictation on the typewriter direct. I also became familiar 
with legal forms, such as vouchers, releases, and affidavits. 


This spring I took a course in Commercial Corespondence and Business 
English at Columbia University. 


I have permission to refer you to the following: 


Mr. Arthur E. Chase, Supervising Principal, Fort Lee, N. J- 
Telephone Fort Lee 71. 

Mr. W. E. Foley, Director of Claims, Third Avenue Railway Com- 
pany, 2396 Third Avenue, New York. Harlem 4140. 

Mr. A. E. Stukey, Principal, Fort Lee High School, Fort Lee, N. J. 


I shall be glad to arrange for a personal interview at your convenience. 
You can reach me by telephone between the hours of nine and four at 


Fort Lee 71. 
Very truly yours, 


(2) 
My dear Sir: 


My training at Columbia University has created in me a desire to 
become a marketing expert. For this reason, and because of the 
splendid reputation your firm has in the business world, I am applying 
for a position in your marketing department. 


I am twenty-two years old. 


My courses at Columbia have included Marketing, Economics, Business 
English, Accounting, and Commercial Law. These courses have given 
me a general understanding of business. Next year I expect to spe- 
cialize in selling and marketing. 


Although I have a very good position in the advertising department of 
the New York World, my desire is to establish a connection with a firm 
that offers opportunities to develop my ability in marketing. 


I am willing to start at the beginning so that I can secure a good 
foundation and understanding of your business. 


If you will let me know when it will be convenient for you to see me, 
I shall be at your office at that time so that you can question me con- 
cerning my qualifications. 


Yours truly, 


2. Criticize this solicited application by submitting it to 
the test of Correctness. Then rewrite the letter for correct 
ness. 


THE LETTER OF APPLICATION 415 
Dear Sir: 


As an applicant for the position you advertise in today’s Times beg to 
state I have had eight years’ experience as a stenographer and in general 
office work. 


My experience has been mostly in the publishing business as assistant 
to the Manager of the International Magazine Syndicate. Have also 
worked eight months for the manufacturers of special tools and 
machinery. 


Have taken entire charge of office, answering correspondence, etc., 
_during my employer’s many trips out of town, taking a personal interest 
in any duty that was assigned to me. 


Salary $30; am Christian; age 30. 
Trusting my application will meet with your approval, I beg to remain 


Very truly yours, 


3. This letter applies for the same position as the preced- 
ing letter. In what ways is it superior? Is it convincing? 


Be specific. 


Gentlemen: 
An unusual young lady secretary seeks a position with you. 
Unusual because: 


Six years’ extensive experience in secretarial and high grade steno- 
graphic capacities. 
Rapidity and accuracy acquired by thorough application to work of a 
particular nature. 
An initiative that is acute through skilled and constant use. 
Intelligence that has been made efficient by a better than average 
education. 
Young enough to be ambitious and adaptable, but old enough to be 
businesslike and conscientious. 
These capabilities together with the desire to remain and grow with 
the business should satisfy your needs. 


Very truly yours, 
Salary $30. 


4. The foregoing letter was considered, but the applicant 
did not survive the final sifting. The following letters were 
written in application for the same position. Why were they 


416 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


immediately discarded? Be specific. “They were written on 
social stationery. 


(1) 
Dear Sir: 
Referring to your advertisement in Sunday’s Times for a stenographer, - 


I wish to apply for the position. 


I am twenty-eight years old, have had a high school education, and over 
seven years’ experience as stenographer in the machinery, engineering, 
and general manufacturing lines. Can furnish excellent references as to 
character and ability. 


As to salary, would expect twenty-seven to thirty dollars per week. 
Hoping to be favored with an interview, I remain 


Yours respectfully, 


(2) 
Dear Sirs: 
Kindly consider me an applicant for the position of stenographer adver- 


tised in the Times of even date. 


Protestant 
Experienced 
References 
Age 30 
Salary $23 


Have a good record for punctuality. 


An interview would be appreciated. 
Respectfully yours, 


(3) 
Gentlemen: 


I take the liberty of addressing you with reference to your advertise- 
ment in today’s issue of the J'imes. 


I am twenty-one years of age and have had five years’ experience in 
the office of a large manufacturing concern, during which time I was 
employed as a stenographer and office clerk. 


Although I am still with this concern, I am desirous of making a change 
and would greatly appreciate the favor of an interview. 


I am willing to start in at a salary of $22. 
Thanking you for any consideration you may give this letter, I am 


Respectfully yours, 


THE LETTER OF APPLICATION 417 


5. Point out the good qualities of the following response 
to a blind advertisement. Make a complete, detailed analysis. 
Why use the marginal headings? 


Age: 


Education: 


Experience: 


Knowledge 
of 
English: 


References: 


Why I 
feel 
qualified : 


‘Twenty-two. 


I am a graduate of Winton Academy, Winton, Mass. I 
am at present working for the B.S. degree at Columbia 
University. 


From September, 1922, to June, 1924, I was employed 
as a stenographer in the office of the Secretary, Columbia 
University. I have been employed since June, 1924, as 
secretary to Dr. R. G. Raynolds, Secretary of Teachers 
College. 


I received a thorough training in grammar and rhetoric 
at Winton Academy. My senior English essay was 
chosen among twenty-four to be spoken at the Commence- 
ment exercises. I have taken several courses in Busi- ~ 
ness English and Secretarial Correspondence in the Exten- 
sion Division of Columbia University. In connection 
with my English qourses I have taken two courses in 
Business Law, in order to acquaint myself with Law 
terms and forms. 


I am permitted to refer you to the Secretary of Columbia 
University, Mr. F. D. Fackenthal, and to Dr. R.°G. 
Raynolds, Secretary of Teachers College. 


I feel that I am qualified to fill the position in question, 
because of my extensive training in letter writing under 
two of the highest executives connected with Columbia 
University, because of my varied courses in English, and 
because of my deep interest in Law. 


If my application meets the qualifications you demand 
for this position, will you grant me an interview and 
let me know when it is convenient for you to interview 
me, so that you may judge my personal qualifications? 


You can reach me by telephone at any time between 
nine and twelve, and one and four, by calling Morning- 


side 1400. 
Sincerely yours, 
Wanted: A young woman with University training to 


act as Secretary to executive of law firm. Experience 
desirable; sound knowledge of English and some knowl- 


418 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


edge of law essential; give full details in letter. T56 
Downtown. 


6. Why is the following letter incomplete? 


Gentlemen : 

Age: Twenty-two. 

Religion: Protestant Episcopal. 
Education: High School graduate. 


Experience: Five years’ business experience. For the past two years 
I have been employed as secretary to Mr. R. C. Burney, oil mill engineer 
of the American Cotton Oil Company, 65 Dearborn Street, Chicago. 
As Mr. Burney supervised the operations of fourteen Southern plants, 
he was necessarily absent frequently on inspection trips. During his 
absences I had charge of the correspondence and the daily production 
records. ‘This work has familiarized me with engineering and struc- 
tural terms, and has developed in me the ability to handle work of a 
detailed nature. 


Because of the situation in the cotton seed market, the American 
Cotton Oil Company is closing down all its crushing mills and releas- 
ing all its employees in this branch of its activities. 


An interview will substantiate what I have stated. 


Sincerely yours, 


7. Is this letter too long? Does it give a good picture of 
the applicant? 


Gentlemen: 


I am certain that I can make good as correspondent in your Collection 
Department. I have waded through the process of trial and error 
in collections. J am, therefore, now able to adopt the desirable meth- 
ods of collections. I have, further, an understanding of human nature, 
gained through experience and careful observation. 


I hold a high school diploma. My six years of business training com- 
prise the following: 


My first position was that of stenographer to the Superintendent of the 
American Railway Express Company. At the end of two years, I 
resigned to accept a more attractive proposition—that of stenographer 
for the Credit Manager of a large merchandise concern. I do not care 
to disclose the name in this letter because I am still in the employ of 
this firm. In addition to acting as"transcriber in this position, I gradu- 
ally increased my responsibilities to include those of relieving my superior 


THE LETTER OF APPLICATION 419 


of minor details. During the past two years I have attended wholly to 
the collection duties in the Credit Department. ‘This entails collections 
through the mails, but at times I have had occasion to interview local 
customers who call to make arrangements for the payment of their 
accounts. 


I have had experience with the habitual lazy remitter and the man 
who cannot pay bills promptly. My firm is satisfied with the results 
obtained. At all times I am mindful of the fact that my concern is 
desirous of receiving an order together with a check in response to a 
“please remit” request. 

I believe that with your concern I should have greater opportunities 
than my present position affords me in the collection field, in which I 
am deeply interested. An interview will, therefore, be appreciated. I 
know that the success I have had will make me valuable to your firm. 
If you will grant me an interview, I shall submit references. You can 
reach me by writing to the address given below. 


Yours very truly, 


8. Point out the false notes and the wrong point of view 
in this follow-up letter. 


Dear Sir: 


Many of the points you brought up at yesterday’s interview have given 
me food for thought. 

The more I think about them, the more I am convinced that your 
company is the one with which I wish to work. 

Your program for expansion and the methods you expect to use in so 
doing, are directly in line with my publishing ideals. 

I was also very well impressed with the other members of the com- 
pany. I am sure we can co-operate to our mutual advantage. 

You may be sure that I shall not negotiate with any other companies 
until after the tenth of the month. By that time I am sure that you 
will have made the necessary arrangements so that I can give expression 
to some enthusiasm—with your company. 

Thank you again for the pleasant interview and the cordial reception. 
I feel that this is but the beginning of a very happy and profitable 
association for all of us. 


Very truly yours, 


9. Compare the merits of these follow-ups. Can you im- 
prove them? Just how? 


420 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


(1) 
Dear Sir: 


I want to thank you for the time you so very generously spared me — 
in which to explain to you what I deemed my qualifications for the 
position in your department. 


As I sat in your office I was impressed with the quantity of work 
passing through your hands. I feel that I now understand the impor- 
tance of your, having a secretary who can relieve you of the major 
portion of your routine work. My past experience, I believe, has 
trained me not only to execute commands efficiently but also to antici- 
pate the needs of a busy executive. 


If given an opportunity, I should try to be a real help to you. May I 
have that opportunity? 


Respectfully yours, 
(2) 
Dear Sir: 
Thank you for the interview which you granted me this morning. 


I feel certain from what you told me about the stenographic work in 
your office that my four years of experience with my present employer 
will enable me to give you complete satisfaction. Although, as you said, 
I have not had experience in the real estate business, | am sure that 
I can easily and rapidly adapt myself to it. 


I assure you that I can fill the position to your complete satisfaction. 


Very truly yours, 

(3) 

Dear Sir: 

I want to thank you for the interview granted me this morning, and 
for your willingness to give my application for the position of Corre- 
spondent in your Collection Department your further consideration. 
I shall respect your decision which, nevertheless, I hope will be 
favorable. 


Yours very truly, 
(4) 
Dear Sir: 


Thank you for your courteous treatment of my application for the 
position in the credit department of your firm. 


As the Goodyear Tire & Rubber Company is a leader in its field, I 
should not like to miss this opportunity to become connected with your 
department. 





THE LETTER OF APPLICATION 421 


I am certain that I can meet the requirements of this position as you 
described them. 


Sincerely yours, 


10. Rewrite this follow-up. Make whatever changes and 
additions seem necessary. 


Dear Sir: 


I am in receipt of your letter of March 15, stating that you had 
received my application for the position of Assistant Sales Manager, 
and that same had been filed for further reference. 


I wish to thank you for this attention and hope to hear from you as 
soon as this position shall be vacant. 


Yours very truly, 


IT. Problems in Writing Letters of Application. 


1. Write an unsolicited application for the position you 
now hold. Attach a copy of the advertisement you would use 
if you were the employer looking for someone to fill this 
position. 

2. Assume that you have seen a newspaper advertisement 
of a position you can fill. Write the letter. Attach a copy of 
the advertisement. . 

3. Assume that you have been granted an interview and 
that the employer has asked you to write another letter stating 
why you desire the position and why you consider that your 
qualifications fit you for it. Remember that you have met the 
employer in a personal interview. 

4. Assume that you desire a position during the long sum- 
mer vacation. Choose a position which you are qualified to 
fill. Write an unsolicited letter. 

5. (a) Write a brief analysis of two of the following 
advertisements. Show unmistakably that you are able to 
grasp and visualize the essential factors constituting the prob- 
lem suggested by each advertisement. Study the requirements 
carefully and show that you can meet them intelligently. (bd) 
Write the letter of application in response to one advertise- 
ment. (c) Attach a brief explanation, pointing out how your 
letter is expected to satisfy the employer. 


422 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


(1) Wanted: Printing Salesman. One of the largest printing plants 
in the United States, located in New York City, requires a high-grade 
sales representative, thoroughly experienced and highly successful, but 
who desires opportunity for larger accomplishment such as our institu- 
tion affords. The enlargement of facilities and expansion of field 
provide the opportunity for a worth-while man. His ability might lie 
in either of two directions, or possibly partly in each: 


Ability to sell a large volume of printing as such. 

Ability to sell printing by co-operating with customers in the 
creation and production of printed matter of a high grade that will 
accomplish their purposes. 


Salary and commission. Personal interviews will be granted only to 
those whose initial letter gives sufficient information to warrant it. 


V 853 ‘Times Downtown. 


(2) Credit Investigator—Young man for outside investigations (later 
perhaps collections) by large retail establishment located in Grand 
Central district; experience desirable but not required; good personal 
appearance essential; at least a high school education; to receive con- 
sideration, applicants must state nationality of parents, education, exper- 
ience, if any, in full, including names of all former employers, and 
salary expected. ‘Tribune 716. 


(3) Correspondent—Young man, an easy writer of smooth, thorough, 
businesslike letters, capable of handling adjustment matters in account- 
ing department of high grade retail establishment located in the Grand 
Central district; retail experience desirable but not required; applicants 
to receive consideration, must state education and experience in full. 


Tribune 717. 


(4) Draftsman—experienced in ornamental iron, capable of laying 
out and detailing high-class work; permanent position and good salary. 
Atlas Iron and Steel Company, Detroit, Mich. 


(5) Copy writer wanted by Southern agency. Must be able to make 
up layouts for folders, broadsides, booklets, or newspaper and magazine 
advertisements, so art department can visualize what is wanted. Need 
not be an artist. We do not expect a genius for the $300 a month sal- 
ary offered, but want a man who can eventually occupy the copy 
director’s position and become a permanent, well-paid member of this 
organization. Applicants should give complete information regarding 
themselves and send samples of their work. State how soon position 
could be accepted. Address Box 476, care of Printers’ Ink. 


6. Assume that you have read in the newspaper about the 
expansion of business contemplated by a firm in your city. 


THE LETTER OF APPLICATION 423 


Write a letter of application for a position in the enlarged 
firm. 

7. Assume that you have published the following adver- 
tisement. (You may change the kind of work to suit your own 
qualifications.) Assume that you have received at least one 
desirable lead. ‘The prospective employer has asked you to 
state your qualifications fully in a letter. Write the letter. 
Make it aggressive, in keeping with the tone of the advertise- 
ment. 


Somewhere in New York there is a business that needs a keen 
business man with initiative, vision, and organization experience. ‘To 
such a concern are offered the services of a real producer—a resource- 
ful, forceful, level-headed executive who can develop business, one who 
is familiar with every detail of credits, collections, accounting, and _ 
especially sales management. He knows how to keep constructive forces 
moving efhciently. His training meets the requirements of any busi- 
ness. The man is now employed as manager in a large financial 
corporation. He is 36 years old, married, and a resident of New York 


for 25 years. Address N. R. Times 144. 


8. You have been told by a friend that a large local indus- 
trial organization contemplates creating a new position, the 
holder of which will be correspondence supervisor. Write an 
unsolicited application showing that you have specialized in 
modern business English as applied to correspondence. Men- 
tion your interest and ability in business English. State your 
qualifications persuasively, showing your ability to work out 
and carry on a program of correspondence supervision. 

9. Assume that you are about to graduate from a univer- 
sity school of business and that you have specialized in busi- 
ness English, advertising, and typography. The head of your 
school of business has suggested that you write to Layer and 
Cox, a direct-mail advertising agency. The salary will be 
small, but there is an opportunity to grow with the organiza- 
tion. Write, giving qualifications, submitting samples of your 
work. Some experience is desirable, but not absolutely neces- 
sary. Assume that you have worked in advertising agencies 
during your summer vacations and that you have written direct- 
mail letters for small stores. 

10. Assume that you are about to graduate and that you 
desire a position as high school teacher. The employment 


424 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


bureau of your institution has informed you of an opening in 
a small-town high school in your state. Write a letter to the 
superintendent of the school system, stating the source of 
your information and presenting your qualifications. Inclose 
a photograph and a return envelope. You cannot be inter- 
viewed because the distance from the university is too great. 
In place of asking for an interview, plan your letter so that 
he will be persuaded to send you an application blank. 

11. You are about to complete your third year in a uni- 
versity school of commerce. You have given special attention 
to courses in business English and advertising. You have 
been looking for a position which you can fill during the sum- 
mer and for part of the time each week during term time in 
your senior year. 

The following advertisement has come to your attention: 


Young advertising man wanted who is especially trained in planning 
and executing a mail campaign. Experience not necessary, although 
desirable. Must be one who is thorough in details and yet capable 
of handling a direct mail account independently. Applicant may start 
on part time. Real future for the right man. ; 


This looks like your opportunity. Write a letter that 
shows your ability to sell your personal service direct by mail. 

12. (a) Asa senior about to graduate from a university 
school of business you have specialized in banking and finance. 
Write an unsolicited application to a bank executive who 
knows you. Present your qualifications. Show him that you 
desire to enter the employ of his bank. You wish to gain your 
experience in the bank with which he is connected. Convince 
him of the sincerity of your desire to enter the employ of this 
particular bank. 

(b) You have received an acknowledgment of your appli- 
cation, with the statement that a vacancy will probably occur 
in June or July, and that you will be considered. It is now 
May 15. Write a follow-up with the aim of impressing him 
with your genuine desire to enter the employ of his bank. 

(c) You have not heard from the bank. It is now June 
20. You have an offer from an out-of-town bank. Write a 
letter to the man who acknowledged your application. Tact- 
fully ask whether they are considering you. You are not 
worried, but you do not wish to accept the other position if 


THE LETTER OF APPLICATION 425 


there is a fair prospect of a vacancy in the near future in 
this bank. Give careful thought to the phrasing of your letter. 
Do not make the impression that you are hurrying them or 
that you are using the offered position as a lever. 

13. Assume that you published the following advertise- 
ment and that you have a response from a desirable advertising 
agency. You have been asked to write a complete letter of 
application, an interview to follow if the letter makes a favor- 
able impression. Write the letter. 


Advertising assistant—I want to start from the bottom. Salary no 
object until I prove my worth. I am young (25). College graduate. 
Successful business record. Once owned a country newspaper. Now 
advertising student gvenings at Columbia. Highest references. Box 


610, Printers’ Ink. 
14. Answer the following advertisement. 


Young woman—Position open in small but well-established adver- 
tising agency.for young woman with experience in general agency 
routine—bookkeeping, billing, stenography. State experience in detail 
and give salary required. Box 619, P.I. 


CHAPTER XIV 
BUSINESS REPORTS 


The report is one of the most widely useful forms of 
business writing. The student who familiarizes himself with 
the theory and practice of the common forms of reports should 
be prepared, when called upon in business, to produce a good 
report with less effort and more power than a man who has 
not had the benefit of special training. 

The old-fashioned, one-man management of a business is 
rendered impossible by the size and complexity of modern 
corporations. Personal contact, even within a single organiza- 
tion, is no longer possible on a scale commensurate with the 
needs of business. The modern executive, therefore, bases 
important decisions on documentary evidence in the form of 
reports from members of the staff and from outside consult- 
ants. [he growing tendency, moreover, to replace haphazard 
interpretations of business data by systematic investigations 
has made imperative the widespread use of business reports. 

Modern business reveals a network of reports. In fact, 
the annual report of a large corporation is the pyramided re- 
sult of hundreds of reports from officials and departments 
within the organization. The weekly reports of salesmen and 
minor officers are compiled to make the monthly reports of 
subdivisions in the organization. ‘These monthly reports, in 
turn, form the basis of the department manager’s annual 
report. [he annual departmental reports supply material 
for the president’s annual report to the board of directors. 
This body reports not only to the stockholders, but also to the 
public, which consists of interested parties like credit men, note 
holders, and banks dealing in acceptances. 

There are, furthermore, to be considered the vast body 
of reports made by and for the national government, state 
governments, and municipalities. Both private and public busi- 
ness are in constant need of expert advice from engineers, as 


426 


BUSINESS REPORTS 427 


in the case of tunnels, waterways, harbor improvements, high- 
ways, and other projects too numerous to mention. Such 
advice is based on information organized in reports. Innu- 
merable preliminary reports supplied essential data for such 
great enterprises as the construction of the Panama Canal, 
and the Pennsylvania terminal in New York. The abatement 
of the smoke nuisance in Chicago, and the solution of rapid 
transit problems in Philadelphia, were made possible by in- 
vestigators who stated their findings in reports that indicated 
_ ways and means. 

Definition.—A report is a comprehensive statement of 
verified facts and impersonal conclusions, based on first-hand 
analysis of present or past conditions and operations, and com- 
piled for the information, with or without recommendations 
for future action, of executives and controlling groups. 

Kinds of reports.—As defined for the purposes of business, 
there are, broadly, two types of reports: (1) the periodic re- 
port; (2) the examination report. Both types are designed to 
furnish necessary information. 


Periodic Reports. 


Periodic reports, so called because they are presented at 
regular intervals, record past operations for the purpose of 
information and reference. ‘They represent the simplest and 
most widely used type of business report. They provide in- 
formation known to the writer but not to the reader. There 
are two common forms of periodic reports: (1) the record 
report; (2) the progress report. 

Record reports.—Record reports are concerned with the 
activities of a stated period. The raw material of longer 
reports is provided by small-scale records submitted daily by 
minor officials—policemen, health officers, truancy officers, 
time clerks, payroll clerks, conductors, machine operators, 
power-house operators, foremen, and many others too numer- 
ous to mention here. The weekly reports of traveling sales- 
men, subsidiary-agency managers, crew managers, and the like, 
contain the raw material for longer record reports. Examples 
of these are the monthly reports of department and plant 
managers. The annual report of the president is itself in 
large part a record report. To insure accurate and adequate 


428 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


recording of essential data concerning past activities, the shor 
routine reports submitted at brief intervals by subordinates 
are usually made on printed forms standardized within a 
given business organization. 

The aim of the record report is historical. In its short 
form, as illustrated in daily, weekly, and monthly reports, it 
merely records essential data. In the longer forms, the depart- 
ment head reviews, in summary form, the activities of the 
period elapsed since the last report was submitted. 

The following excerpts illustrate the characteristic con- 
tents and style of record reports. 


1. At the beginning of the fiscal year there were 4,241 employees 
in the bureau service. During the year 466 new appointments were 
made, 26 employees were transferred from other bureaus or departments, 
and 46 former employees were reinstated, making 538 additions to 
bureau forces. During the same period 582 employees were separated 
from the service: 230 by resignation, 24 by death, 25 by transfer to other 
branches of the Federal service, 7 by removal for cause, and 6 by re- 
tirement under the provisions of the act of May 22, 1920, while other 
separations numbered 290. At the close of the fiscal year the bureau 
rolls contained 4,197 names, a decrease of 44 for the year. (Observe 
the ease with which the reader of this Report of the Chief of the 
Bureau of Animal Husbandry follows the divisions of the data on 
Personnel. Each division is clearly marked by an obviously appropriate 
introductory phrase. ) 

2. During the year 1924 there was connected a total of 2,308,000 
stations, and 1,564,000 were disconnected. ‘The total net gain in Bell- 
owned telephones for the year was 836,163. ‘This gain, together with 
a desirable restoration in plant margins, has required a construction 
program substantially larger than that of any preceding year. As a 
result of the execution of this program, there has been a:marked reduc- 
tion in the number of telephone orders awaiting installation. ‘The 
System is nearing the condition which generally existed prior to the 
war, in that, with few exceptions, new telephones desired may be 
promptly provided within the limits of settled areas. (This excerpt 
from the Annual Report (1925) of the American Telephone & Tele- 
graph Company illustrates how comment is used to illuminate otherwise 
dry figures. The report is that of the directors to the stockholders, 
who welcome explanatory matter.) 

3. The report need not always cover a year or a fraction of a year, 
as the following Introduction to the Report of the Director of the 
States Relations Service indicates: 


BUSINESS REPORTS 429 


With the end of the current fiscal year, June 30, 1923, the States 
Relations Service will cease to exist and its several offices will have 
new relations to the organization of the Department of Agriculture. 
It, therefore, seems fitting that this final report of the Director of the 
States Relations Service should contain a brief history of the work 
which has been under his direction for the past 30 years, together 
with reference to earlier matters which led to the inauguration of this 
work. 


4. This report contains a survey of the written work in English 
eB6 (Business Writing) during the first half of the semester (Feb- 
ruary 6 to March 28) by Waldo Gellard. (This is a typical brief 


introduction for a short report.) 


Progress reports.—Progress reports are submitted either 
regularly at stated intervals, or only by special request. Asa 
matter of practice, the long annual reports of corporations 
very often fuse the progress and record reports accumulated 
during the year. The progress report differs from the record 
report in purpose. Unlike the record report, which serves as 
a chronicle of business activities, with or without explanatory 
comment, the progress report establishes comparisons. 

From time to time those in charge of public or private 
enterprises desire to know what has been accomplished, for 
example, in the collection department, the sales department, 
the purchasing department, etc., in comparison with accom- 
plishments during previous administrative periods. ‘Thus the 
present status of collections as compared with the status at 
the same time last year is made clear in the progress report. 
The data used in the progress report are compiled from record 
reports. 

The progress report may compare the latest record with 
records at the same periods since the inception of the business 
or enterprise. It may make a comparison with the period 
immediately preceding. In a report on the construction of a 
factory building or on the installation of more modern machin- 
ery or more efficient methods of production, the progress dur- 
ing the past month may be compared merely with the progress 
during the preceding month or with that during every month 
since the work was begun. 

Statistical reports.—The executive of a concern is presum- 
ably a busy man who must have a knowledge of a good many 
departments in the concern. He must, therefore, have the 


430 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


material for any one department presented to him in a way 
that will give him, in the smallest space, the true picture of 
that department. THe is ordinarily not interested in all the 
mechanisms of that department. He wants to see the results 
set down in comparable fashion, so that he can understand 
the material with little or no study. “Thus, for example, if the 
credit man is making a report, he must make that report to 
the executive in a way that is readily intelligible to him. The 
following is an example of a report on collections. 


REPORT ON COLLECTIONS FOR THE MONTH OF FEBRUARY, 1925 
(From Mr. R. V. Waite.) 


Percentage 

Accounts Accounts of Accounts 

Outstanding Past Due Past Due 
February, #19250 onsite si $200,000 $40,000 20 
February,)/ 192405 ctxt 220,000 50,000 A Ry § 
January,. 1925 ete 210,000 45,000 219 


These figures will give the executive at a glance the actual 
amounts in dollars. What is more important, the report will 
give him the actual figures in percentages, for unless the credit 
man and the executive can think in terms of percentages, they 
are liable to gain a false picture of the trend of their business. 
For example, in the percentages given above, an increase, in 
accounts past due in January, 1925, of $5,000 would more 
than offset the increase in the amounts outstanding, and the 
percentage of past due was, therefore, higher than in February, 
1925. 

Interpreting statistics —Though this report is, from cer- 
tain points of view, completely adequate to the business execu- 
tive who thinks quickly in terms of figures, it may not be 
adequate to the executive who does not handle figures easily. 
For such an executive a few words of explanation are often 
necessary, even of these self-explanatory figures. That is to 
say, either as a preface or as a conclusion to the figures, the 
credit man might very well state, “Our collections for Feb- 
ruary, 1925, have shown an improvement over the collections 
of February, 1924. ‘The past dues_for February, 1924, were 
22.7 per cent. ‘They were reduced in February, 1925, to 
20 per ‘cent?’ 

Further explanations may sometimes be necessary. The 
reasons for the respective increases or decreases in past dues 





BUSINESS REPORTS 431 


should be given by the credit man, who ought to be the best 
informed man on this subject. He ought to be able to state 
whether that decrease is due to the improvement in general 
business or to closer collections; or whether the increase is 
due to poorer business conditions throughout the country or 
in certain sections; or whether it is possibly due to the fact 
that one large account of a concern that is now undergoing an 
extension has become past due. The business executive is 
entitled to know the exact status of collections, and that means 
not only the present status but also the antecedent reasons for 
that status, for it is only with this material that he is enabled 
to project the future of the business and to coordinate the 
production, purchasing, sales, and credit departments. 

The following excerpts show how tabulated material is 
interpreted, so that the statistics may appear in their true rela- 
tions to the problem as a whole. 


1. The first comprehensive attempt to estimate the numbers of 
people using the national forests for recreation was made in 1916, 
when an estimated total of 2,370,000 persons was reported. Recent 
verifications of succeeding estimates yield the following figures: 


Year Visitors Year Visitors 
Ly 3,160,300 LOZ cts cterctcra eve 4,832,671 
1 ea oe $322,565 A ip) a a a 5,433,420 
Oy eee 3,964,344 £922 ee 6,172,942 


Thus in six years the estimated number of visitors virtually dou- 
bled, and all indications point to a continued increase for years to 
come. (Report of the Forester, 1923.) 


2. The number of telephone calls, both local and toll, which 
the System was called upon to handle in 1924 was substantially in 
excess of that of any previous year, notwithstanding the fact that the 
general business activity was relatively less in 1924 than in 1923. 
The average daily exchange and toll connections in 1924, over 45,000,- 
000, were 7.1 per cent in excess of those in 1923. (This is interesting, 
because it incorporates both the percentage statement and the statement 
of general business conditions, focusing these on the main item of the 
paragraph in such a way that the most obtuse reader understands. ) 


3. (After a page of tabulated data that make up the Bell System 
Income Statement, a series of short paragraphs explains the various 
items. Observe how percentages and comparisons are used in the para- 
graph on the Traffic Expense item)—Traffic expenses, representing the 
largest of the several groups of expenses, increased approximately 


432 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


$7,000,000, or about 4.0 per cent over 1923, as compared with an in- 
crease of 7.1 per cent in the number of calls handled. 


Letter reports——When the periodic report is wholly, or 
almost wholly, statistical, the text elucidating the report is 
often put into the form of an ordinary business letter. The 
purpose of the following letter report by the sales manager 
is to cover the outstanding points of the statistical report 
(not reproduced), stressing the points he wishes to impress 
upon his chief. 


Mr. George J. Eckersen, President, 
The U. S. Magnifying Company, 
Perth Amboy, N. J. 


Dear Sir: 


In connection with this report I am submitting a tabulated statement of 
the total number of Magnifyo loudspeakers sold during the year ending 
December 31, 1924. 


The tabulation has been compiled to indicate the annual sales of the 
company since its incorporation three years ago. 


The table shows that our sales during 1924 increased twenty per cent 
over those of the preceding year, 1923. 


We are finding competition very keen. “Two new loudspeakers have 
been put on the market during 1924, one of which resembles ours in 
cost and efficiency. 


We now have fourteen salesmen traveling exclusively for the company— 
two more than a year ago. 


Our policy of maintaining agencies in strategic centers has been a 
strong factor in the increase of sales. ‘These distributing centers enable 
dealers who carry a small line of loudspeakers to replenish their stock 
overnight. We have definitely traced several profitable accounts to the 
satisfactory service made possible by our distributing agencies. 


In conclusion permit me to suggest that the volume of our sales can 
be increased profitably by marketing a Junior Magnifyo that is as 
eficient for its size as the Magnifyo, but lower in cost. Our sales- 
men report a lively market for a smaller loudspeaker at a lower 
price. 


Respectfully submitted, 


Joun R. SELLER, 
Sales Manager. 


BUSINESS REPORTS 433 


Examination Reports. 


The examination report analyzes present and past condi- 
tions or activities for the purpose of determining future action. 
Its purpose is not to record known data but to report the 
solution of a problem or give the results of first-hand study. 
The investigation leading to the formulation of definite and 
accurate conclusions and, when requested, to recommenda- 
tions based on these conclusions, differentiates the examination 
report from the periodic report. 

The investigation involves two essential steps: (1) the 
collection of all relevant but not previously known data; (2) 
the analysis of these assembled data with the object of coming 
to definite conclusions. A third step is essential when the 
employer has specified the inclusion of recommendations deal- 
ing with special applications of these conclusions to the em- 
ployer’s business or project. Such recommendations, however, 
are customarily included only when the man who is conducting 
the examination is an expert. 

The range of examination reports is as wide as business 
and industry. The investigation, for example, may involve 
library work; consultation of office records and files; a first- 
hand study of office, plant, or agency conditions and organiza- 
tion; a survey, with samplings and tests, of a riverbed for 
bridges, tunnels, and the like, or of a valley or stretch of 
countryside for a railroad or highway; a thorough study of 
markets for a certain product in a selected city, state, or region. 

The purpose of the examination reports may be to deter- 
mine whether available markets warrant a large outlay for 
advertising; whether a bridge at a certain point would best 
serve the needs of the community; whether a reconstitution of 
departmental activities in an automobile plant would lead to 
greater efficiency in production; whether the earning capacity 
of an industrial enterprise justifies the flotation of a bond 
issue by investment bankers. Ona smaller scale, the investiga- 
tion may aim to determine the advisability of a change in the 
filing system; a modification of office procedure in the dictation 
of business letters; changes in the printed form of routine re- 
ports; the installation of a cafeteria in the local high school; 
the formulation of a plan for changing the design of an auto- 
mobile. 


434 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Essential steps in preparing the examination report.— 
The maker of the report fixes upon the methods to be used 
in the investigation, but he cannot do so until the employer has 
thoroughly informed him of the purpose of the investigation. 
This is done by means of personal conferences, correspondence, 
and, finally, a written agreement that establishes the specific 
aim of the investigation. ‘The scope of the investigation is, 
however, determined by the investigator. ‘The limits within 
which the investigation is to be carried on are discussed in 
the preliminary survey, which constitutes the first step in the 
preparation of the report. ‘The final examination is the second 
step; analysis of data, the third; organization of data, the 
fourth; writing the report, the fifth; and the layout, the sixth 
and last step. 

1. Preliminary survey.—The preliminary survey is a cur- 
sory but not careless examination revealing the kind and 
amount of material available. It clarifies the writer’s ideas 
to the extent that he can define and limit his subject and fix the 
scope of the examination. It enables him, furthermore, to 
find tentative divisions for the outline. If, finally, the material 
warrants the expenditure of further effort, he formulates a 
plan of procedure. 

2. Final examination—The final examination is thorough 
and, in fact, exhaustive. All available material is carefully 
scrutinized so that essential data may not be overlooked. In 
the course of the final examination, the headings of the tenta- 
tive outline are modified and corrected in accordance with the 
needs of the fully revealed data. 

The material should be gathered on cards of uniform 
size. Only one item should be entered on each card. If the © 
examination involves library work, the exact title and page 
reference should be noted on each card, so that, if verification 
is necessary at the time of writing, reference to the original 
passage can be made without loss of time. 

The card system of note taking and memoranda recording 
is modern and economical. It saves time, because it eliminates 
the necessity of copying and recopying notes at the time the 
collected material is organized. 

3. Analysis of data.—The process of sifting the collected 
material is simplified by use of the card system. Three groups 
of cards emerge from the analysis. The first group contains 


BUSINESS REPORTS 435 


those items that are unmistakably relevant; the second, those 
which are closely related to the main issue; the third, those 
items which upon final scrutiny are found not to be useful. 

In the course of a thoroughgoing examination, notation 
is made of many negligible details. Rigid analysis separates 
the essential from the non-essential data, those in the third 
group not being retained, because they are too remote to be 
included in a compact report. 

The second group should be retained, to be drawn upon in 
case amplification becomes desirable. Thus the second group 
constitutes a reserve fund. 

The first group contains all significant facts, ideas, data, 
and illustrations essential to clearness and accuracy. ‘This 
group represents the material of primary importance. 

4. Organization of data.—To establish the final outline, 
the material of primary importance is grouped according to 
the main headings and subheadings of the report. Where 
necessary, new cards containing notations of these headings 
are inserted in proper places, the cards that carry the data 
having been assembled in the desired order. Each heading is 
now given a number or letter to identify its place in the outline. 

5. Writing the report.—If the preceding steps have been 
conscientiously followed, the essential steps in the process of 
prevision are completed. ‘The material now lies before the 
writer completely assembled, and arranged according to an 
orderly plan. By observing the simple mechanics of the card 
system, the writer has reduced clerical work to a minimum, 
thus leaving his mind fresh for the final act of writing. With 
the material before him, his mind is now free for the problem 
of finding suitable words and phrases. By following the lead 
of his carefully ordered cards he constructs sentences and 
weaves these into paragraphs. 

After a thorough revision, to make certain that he has 
observed the essential qualities of business writing, the report 
is ready for the layout. 

An outline of a trade report.—The following outline of a 
trade report suggests the kind of material used in an examina- 
tion report covering a problem faced by advertising agencies 
and publishers making reliable investigations for their clients. 
(The layout of the report will be discussed in a later section.) 


436 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


REPORT ON THE HOTEL MARKET FOR DAMON 
FABRICATED WASTEBASKETS 


Introduction: 
I. Authorized by the President of the Damon Fabricated Waste- 
basket Company. 

II. Purpose: to determine (1) the size of the hotel market for 
Damon Fabricated Wastebaskets, and (2) the adaptability of 
the product to the hotel market. 

III. Sources of information. ‘The research department of the 
Mintner Publishing Company made use of: 

Standard works on hotel management. 

Publications devoted to hotel management. 

Accumulated data on file. 

Special personal investigation in eight widely separated 
and typical cities throughout the United States: Boston, 
New York, Atlanta, Miami, Chicago, Denver, Los 
Angeles, Atlantic City. 


UOeS 


The report proper: 
I. Size of the hotel industry. 
A. Total number of hotels with more than 25 rooms. 
B. ‘Total number of rooms in these hotels. 
C. Average increase in rooms each year, 1921-1924. 
II. Causes of increase in hotel living. 
III. Effect of increased patronage on hotel furnishings. 
A. New hotels attractively furnished. 
B. Old hotels remodeled, redecorated, refurnished. 
IV. The Wastebasket item in room equipment. 
A. Conditions governing the use of wastebaskets prior to 
1921. 
B. Present trend to harmonize wastebasket with room 
furnishings. 
C. Fire hazard important. 
V. Hotel market for wastebaskets. 
A. Depreciation on— 
1. Metal wastebaskets. 
2. Paper wastebaskets. 
3. Fabricated wastebaskets. 
4. Total depreciation on all styles. 
B. Annual replacement business. 
C. Annual new hotel market. 
D. ‘Total new and replacement volume. 





BUSINESS REPORTS 437 


VI. Whom to reach in selling to hotels. 
A. Manager. 
B. Housekeeper. 
C. Purchasing agent for chain operated hotel systems. 
D. Manager’s wife. 
VII. How advertising reaches the hotel market. 
A. Advertising in “Hotel Efficiency.” 
1. Sample basket in standard finish. 
a. Free. 
b. Nominal cost to cover shipping. 
2. Orders accepted. 
a. Direct. 
6. Through hotel supply house. 
c. Local stores: department, furniture, hard- 
| ware, etc. 
B. Following up inquiries. 
1. Letter. 
2. Booklet in color, showing three standard finishes. 
3. Special finishes—possibilities, cost, etc. 
C. Mailing lists. 
1. “Hotel Efficiency” offers list of 1000 hotels as 
cross section of industry. 
Lists of managers, purchasing agents, etc. 
Selected hotel supply houses. 
Summer hotels in May. 


Winter hotels in. November. 
Additional hotels. 


eed lice a 


VIII. Sales work. 
A. Regular salesmen direct to hotels by— 
1. Traveling salesman. 
2. Local salesman. 
B. Regular salesmen working on supply houses. 
1. Follow-up on mailing campaign. 
2. Regular sales work. 
C. Special sales work on selected lists, to build representa- 
tive list of— 
1. Hotel sales. 
; 2. Supply house sales. 
Conclusion : 
A. Damon Fabricated Company in position to cater to de- 
sire for better hotel furnishings. 
Damon Fabricated Baskets now being made in sufh- 
cient variety of finishes to harmonize with the most 
popular furniture. | 


438 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


C. Damon Fabricated Baskets can be decorated on special 
order to harmonize with decorated furniture. 

D. Damon Fabricated Company can sell 100 baskets to 
average hotel but only 4 to 6 baskets to average busi- 
ness office. 

E. Radiating influence of hotels on general consumer 
business. 

1. Eighty-eight million registered guests annually. 
2. Reached better through hotel demonstration than 
through printed media. 


Qualities of the report—The ideals of clearness and in- 
terest should be kept fully in view. Interest is secondary, 
although not negligible, in all reports except those intended 
for the general public; as, for example, in the widely discussed 
Philadelphia ‘‘Plain Talk” report, which was written to make 
a popular appeal to citizens and taxpayers. Certain reports 
issued by state agricultural colleges and by home economics 
departments in state institutions are so planned, phrased, and 
illustrated as to assume a popular appeal. In such reports, 
interest is fully as important as clearness. 

Certain government reports are made so _ interesting 
through use of illustrations and adaptation in language that 
the atmosphere is like that of the special article. The con- 
scious and successful striving for interest in addition to accu- 
racy is well illustrated in the publications of the Forestry De- 
partment of the United States Government. 

The fundamental qualities of business writing are observed 
in business reports. 

Correctness in the language and layout of the report re- 
duces to a minimum the obstacles in the way of the reader. 

Construction is indispensable in writing, the chief aim of 
which is clearness and accuracy. The standardized form of 
the long report is so important as to demand separate treat- 
ment in a later section of this chapter. 

Compactness, in its true sense of completeness with brevity, 
is an outstanding quality of report writing. 

Consideration of the reader determines, to an appreciable 
extent, the kind of language employed. The writer must gauge 
the equipment of his reader. Is he a man of affairs, or is he 
a trained specialist ? 

When addressing specialists, and when no consideration 





BUSINESS REPORTS 439 


need be given to general readers or executives who are un- 
familiar with special or group terminology, the writer can 
most clearly and economically present his report in the nomen- 
clature sanctioned by the usage of the group addressed. Thus 
a firm of consulting engineers, in making a report to the chief 
of the plant under investigation, is free to use engineering 
terms. 

When, on the other hand, a report is directed to men of 
affairs, adjustment is necessary in the choice of diction. Even 
here, however, accuracy need not be sacrificed. When address- 
ing untechnical readers, it is customary to put at the head of 
the report definitions of unavoidable technical terms. 

Consideration of the reader is manifested, furthermore, in 
the so-called double report. This is a consolidated report 
made up of two parts, the first directed to the general reader, 
the second, to experts. Examples are found among municipal 
reports. In the process of preparing the double report, de- 
tailed technical reports of subordinates are compiled by a 
superior ofiicer and adapted by him in popular diction for the 
general reader. ‘The second part of the report is then 
compiled for the perusal of experts. Adaptation is manifest 
in the plan worked out for the general practice of the Westing- 
house Engineering Department. In this plan the report is 
submitted in two parts. The “Short Report’ (not more than 
three double-spaced typewritten pages) is intended for those 
who are not familiar with the work and whose time is limited, 
as, for example, executives or commercial organizations for 
whom the Westinghouse Company is doing engineering work. 
The material is general, including only the essential features, 
and the language is simple. ‘The “Detailed Report,” as the 
name indicates, is technical and exhaustive. 

Concreteness is secured by specific words and phrases in 
the text, and by the mechanical aid of graphs, charts, diagrams, 
appendices, etc., that help the reader visualize the text. 

Reports to stockholders can be made concrete if illuminat- 
ing explanatory paragraphs are used in connection with graphs, 
tabulations, and other visualizing devices. Accuracy need not 
be sacrificed in the attempt to put a clear picture before the 
reader. The commonest device for picturing expenditures is 
the pie-chart, made familiar in the advertising of the meat 
industry. Few untrained readers can find their way intelli- 


440 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


gently through a page of statistical matter representing, for 
instance, the balance sheets of a large corporation for 1923 
and 1924. The statement of Plant and Other Assets (Net) 
and Capital Obligations of the Bell System would be equally 
confusing except in some such form as that given below. 


The following chart shows the growth of the investment in the 
Bell System since 1900, compared with the increase since that date in 
capital obligations of the System outstanding in the hands of the public: 






PLANT & OTHER ASSETS (NET) AND 
CAPITAL OBLIGATIONS. 


BELL SYSTEM 


























i ee 
“alee vt 
unt LL 


tall 1. On eAT 
wifidater ni TT! 


rt 
ii si 
1900 1802 1904 1906 1908 1910 II2 1914 i916 1918 1920 i922 1924 


———— 







Le 
‘i T t il le 









a 


pi 









































Le 








The relations between the assets and the outstanding securities, as 
shown on this chart, reflect the conservative policy under which the — 
growth of the business has been financed. On December 31, 1924, the 
total mortgage debt of the System was less than $481,000,000 and the ~ 
total funded debt was about $753,000,000, while assets, after deduct- 
ing current liabilities, were in excess of $2,549,000,000. Stated in terms ~ 
of percentage relationship, mortgage debt was less than 19 per cent and 


total funded debt was less than 30 per cent of such assets. 


Cheerfulness, as a revelation of character, is not to be © 
ignored, although the tone and temper of the ideal report is — 


impersonal. Short record reports offer least scope for charac- — 
ter. Progress reports, however, afford special opportunities 





BUSINESS REPORTS 441 


not overlooked by the alert writer. The same holds true of 
examination reports. When the situation warrants optimism, 
the maker of the report is deficient in the art of composition if 
he cannot brighten his paragraphs here and there as circum- 
stances suggest. Professor Ray Palmer Baker, authority on 
engineering reports, has well said that the writer of a report 
is under no obligation to be dull, monotonous, or pedestrian. 
The Report of the Forester (U.S. Department of Agriculture, 
1923) contains a good illustration of cheerfulness. On the 
basis of the tabulated statistics alone, the delinquent grazing 
fees of stockmen using the national forests appear to the 
general reader to show a depressingly large total of delinquent 
permittees. The writer of the report has, however, inter- 
preted these figures in their true perspective against the total 
grazing receipts, and has, furthermore, accounted for the per- 
centage of unpaid fees by convincing reference to unfortunate 
conditions beyond the control of the stockmen. 


It is gratifying to observe that the total delinquency for these two 
years of privation and hardship among cattlemen is less than 2 per cent 
of the grazing receipts for these years. Probably a portion of this will 
have to be dropped from further consideration as uncollectible, the 
majority of the delinquent owners having been forced to dispose of their 
live stock and go out of business. Considering the wide distress among 
live stock owners during these years, this showing is better than was 
to be expected. 


Qualifications of the report writer.—The writer of a re- 
port must, first of all, have a full command of the facts con- 
stituting the material of the report. He must be thoroughly 
informed in the field covered. His information, furthermore, 
must be accurate. If it is not, his report will not be reliable. 
Completeness and accuracy are basic requirements. 

The maker of the report must, secondly, know how to 
present his material. Extensive knowledge is of little use to 
the man whose mind is not trained to sound analysis of accum- 
ulated data. Clear thinking and sound judgment in the selec- 
tion and arrangement of material are prerequisites to success. 
He must be able to distinguish sharply between relevant and 
unimportant details. He must grasp firmly the significant 
elements of an investigation, and marshal data that focus un- 
mistakably on these elements. If he is to determine, for ex- 


442 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


ample, whether it is advisable to dismantle a large coal trestle 
and construct a new one, or to repair the old trestle, he is not 
expected to submit a bulky document inventorying the whole 
doomed structure, even to individual rusty rivets and decayed. 
timbers. In place of such a tedious, and, in effect, confusing 
report, the man of keen insight and sound judgment includes 
carefully selected representative details justifying his conclu- 
sions. 

The point of view of the report writer is scientific. Be- 
cause the object of the investigation is an unbiased report, 
the impersonal attitude is indispensable. The position of the 
writer is that of an unprejudiced, impartial observer and 
recorder. Some investigating agencies conceal the name of 
the client so that the investigator may not be influenced in any 
way. 

Not less than fifty per cent of the effectiveness of the report 
depends upon the manner in which it is written and displayed. 
The resources and devices of rhetoric are at the writer’s com- 
mand. It is his duty to use them when they assist him in pre- 
senting his material effectively. Observe how skillfully the 
report on the fabricated wastebaskets leaves in the mind of the 
manufacturer the impression that the cultivation of the hotel 
market will result in increased sales to consumers in the home 
and in business. Observe also how deftly the writer of the 
following closing paragraph of a 56-page government report 
has shaped his material to bring out a significant point at the 
close. Observe how he has constructed the third sentence 
from the close so as to stress the thought contained in the “if” 
clause. Sentence length has much to do with the pleasant per- 
suasiveness of this paragraph, which brings the whole report 
to a significant close. 


The interest of the forest personnel in fire prevention through educa- 
tion has reached the point where a demand is coming from the men 
for material that they can use in talks before schools, small meetings, 
commercial and civic bodies, and the like. Lantern and motion-picture 
equipment is being asked for from the field at a rate decidedly beyond 
the capacity of the service to supply. Indeed, there are almost unlim- 
ited possibilities for the use of educational material, through all sorts 
of agencies, if an adequate supply were available. “The educational 
work of the service should be much more amply provided for than it 
ever has been. It is capable of making very great returns on the outlay. 


BUSINESS REPORTS 443 


Sources of information.— The investigation leading to the 
writing of a report may require the tapping of one or more of 
the following sources of information. In connection with 
complex problems the experienced investigator makes use, 
first, of printed sources. This is called library work. Then 
he has recourse, if necessary, to direct observation. This is 
called field work. 

1. Where personal investigation based on direct observa- 
tion is necessary, as for a marketing report, field work is 
indispensable. ‘his may be extensive or limited, according to 
the needs of the problem. 

If the problem is limited, it may be possible to make an 
adequate personal survey in one day. On the other hand, the 
survey may involve the work of many subordinates whose 
labors extend over a period of several weeks, as for a market- 
ing report to be used as a basis for a national advertising 
campaign. 

2. Printed sources are found in private and public 
libraries. (a) General reference works, like encyclopedias, 
are consulted first. (b) The leads given by these are fol- 
lowed up in the card catalogue, and then in indexes, guides, 
andegneckuists. An example of the index is the ‘“‘A.'L. A. 
Index to General Literature’; of the guides, ‘“The Readers’ 
Guide to Periodical Literature’; of the check lists, ‘“The 
Checklist of United States Public Documents (1789-1909) .” 
(c) Special libraries and the catalogues of these are indis- 
pensable for the investigator in special fields: ““The Statistical 
Abstract of the United States’? for data on manufacturing, 
transportation, engineering, etc.; the ‘Manual of Statistics 
(1879-1921)” for investigators and dealers in securities. 
The extent of specialization in business and industrial litera- 
ture was evident at a dinner for special librarians (1924), 
which was attended by nearly two hundred workers in this 
field. Organizations like those of the National Association 
of Credit Men can supply complete, accurate, and up-to-date 
data on special problems. 

The experienced report writer saves himself much needless 
effort if he uses the printed or tabulated results of previous 
investigators in his field. 

3. Material is collected by means of correspondence, inter- 
views, and questionnaires. (a) The ability to write successful 


444 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


letters of inquiry is a useful asset in eliciting desirable informa- 
tion. Thus, an advertising manager whose enlarged appropri- 
ation is refused until he can submit facts that prove the 
necessity of continued large-scale efforts in national advertis- 
ing, writes to manufacturers for data on their experiences with 
reduced-scale national advertising in its relation to earnings. 
(See Chapter IX for Letters of Inquiry.) (b) The ability 
to elicit necessary information in the course of personal inter- 
views is an asset. (c) Questionnaires are a fruitful source of 
information for the writer of business reports as well as for 
statisticians and other investigators. The questionnaire as a 
means of securing information is so important and so widely 
used that separate consideration is given to it in the following 
paragraphs. 

The questionnaire as a source of information—The 
value of the information that comes as a result of question- 
naires depends upon a great many factors. If the investiga- 
tion is an exhaustive one in some particular field, the problem 
of approach is naturally quite different from that of the 
ordinary type of investigation that business men are likely to 
use. In an investigation of the exhaustive scientific kind, 
elaborate forms can be devised, a large amount of money can 
be expended, and every effort can be made to insure getting 
adequate data. For such an investigation, however, statisti- 
clans, engineers, or accountants are ordinarily necessary. Such 
investigations, therefore, are not considered here. ‘They are 
of interest to experts only. 

Business men, however, are finding the questionnaire a 
valuable source of information for the acquisition of valuable 
information in the course of their business, whether that 
relates to the internal operation of the business or to specific 
phases of marketing, credits, etc. 

For such investigations several things must be borne in 
mind: (1) The questionnaire must be simply devised. Every 
care must be taken to eliminate the possibility of ambiguous 
answers. [he answers must be susceptible of quick classifica- 
tion and computation. (2) The questionnaire must be directed 
to take care of the typical case rather than the unusual. Too 
many questionnaires fail of their purpose because they attempt 
to get too much material from those who are unable, or reluc- 


BUSINESS REPORTS 445 


tant, to supply it, whether their reluctance comes from want 
of time, interest, or what not. 

If the questionnaire attempts to get definite facts in the 
form of certain figures, the problem is simple, provided the de- 
sired facts are facts that the questionnaired can give. A large 
number of questionnaires, however, naturally enter into the 
field of opinion. In these cases the questions must be all the 
more exact, must permit only of certain answers, and the type 
of answer permitted must be designated. The questionnaired 
must answer definitely, “‘yes’” or ‘‘no,’’ or choose between 
“better,” “the same as,” or “poorer,” instead of giving, as 
otherwise he would be tempted to give, his own opinion in 
his own way. It is obviously impossible for those who re- 
ceive the answered questionnaire, without vast expenditure of 
time and without introducing some prejudices of their own, 
to shade the opinions in such a way as to put them into classi- 
fications which they devise for the purpose. 

If, for example, the investigator is interested in present 
business conditions, it is futile for him to attempt to get infor- 
mation on this subject by asking one hundred different men 
the question, ‘‘How is business?” ‘The answers will come back 
“rotten,” “good,” “fair,” “poor,” “fairly good,” “as good 
as could be expected,” “excellent,” “wonderful,” etc. No one, 
of course, can classify answers like these. 

The investigator who is making an investigation of this 
kind and cannot get the percentages of business—that is, 
whether business is 10 per cent better or 15 per cent poorer— 
can devise his questionnaire in a way to elicit fairly satisfactory 
returns by asking the following question: 


Were your sales for August, 1925, as com- 

pared with your sales for August, 1924, larger.............. 
CUAL Osta uere cla wakees 
Strialleni ewe dee ssaraet\s 


The question so put is not ambiguous, and the information 
obtained from it is quickly calculable. 

Men who are making an investigation of this kind for the 
first time will frequently attempt to save space by asking the 
following questions: 


446 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


Were your sales for August, 1925, larger or smaller than your 
sales for August, 1924? 


The answers are likely to come back in impossible forms. In 
the first place, sales might be practically equal. There is no 
provision for “equal to.” In the second place, some of the 
readers will make marks of their own which are unintelligible. 
They may answer the question as “‘yes’’ and forget to cross 
out the portion to which the “yes” does not refer. 

If, for example, the executive head of a concern wants to 
know how collections are from his various credit departments 
in the different districts, his questionnaire should not be, ““How 
are collections this year?” ‘The question will vary with the 
type of organization and the possibility of getting the answers. 
‘What is the percentage of past-dues to outstanding accounts 
(or monthly sales) in February, 1925, as compared with 
February, 1924?” ‘What is the percentage of past-dues to 
outstanding accounts (or monthly sales) for February as 
compared with February of the preceding year?” If,his credit 
men are equipped to get more exhaustive information, he 
could ask them what percentage of past-due accounts for 
February are: | to 30 days past due; 30 to 60 days past due; 
90 to 120 days past due; and 120 days and over past due. 
The same procedure applies to the questionnaire sent out to 
agencies by the sales manager who is collecting material for 
a progress report on sales. 

It is always advisable to have a questionnaire form to fill 
out. If the questionnaired are under no particular obligation 
to answer your questions, they will do so all the more readily 
if they have a form provided. They may need, in addition, a 
letter telling them the purpose of the questionnaire. That 
letter will serve the purpose of arousing their interest and 
making them devote some time to an intelligent answer. 

The following letter illustrates how one large life insur- 
ance company explained the significance of its questionnaire. 


Dear Sir: 


We are investigating certain conditions which we believe exist in the 
teaching profession. In order that we may intelligently complete our 
analysis, it is necessary that we secure some additional information. 


BUSINESS REPORTS 447 


With this objective in mind we have prepared a questionnaire, a copy 
of which is inclosed. I earnestly invite your coGperation. 

A few of the questions may possibly appear to be so personal that you 
may not feel justified in answering them. Won’t you please, however, 
reply to as many of them as you feel free to answer, and return the 
questionnaire to me in the inclosed envelope, for without your personal 
assistance our investigation must fail. 


I shall furnish you in due course with a résumé of our findings and 
meanwhile confidently anticipate your early reply. 


Very truly yours, 


Observe how explicit the directions are in the following 
set of instructions from a bureau of research making an investi- 
gation of reading habits. 


Dear Sir: 


When looking over the theater advertisements in New York to select 
the play you wish to see, what newspapers do you generally consult— 
evening, morning, Sunday? 


Please mark the accompanying card according to the order in which 
you use them—1, 2, 3. 


After marking, please drop the stamped card into a mail box. 
If you prefer, you need not sign it. 


Very truly yours, 


The stamped card contained the following sentences: 


In looking up New York theater advertisements I generally consult the 
newspapers in the order indicated below: 

(Please enter the figures 1, 2, 3 to indicate the order of your use of 
different issues. ) 


Morning paper .......- 
Sindayeparer \.. sb 
Evening paper .......- 


The layout of an examination report.—Seven units make 
up the layout, or mechanical display, of the complete exam- 
ination report: (1) title page; (2) letter of transmittal 
(authorization); (3) table of contents; (4) synopsis; (5) 
text; (6) appendix; (7) index. ‘These units are grouped in 


448 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


three main divisions: (I) prefatory matter (1, 2, 3, 4); 
(II) text matter (5); (III) supplementary matter (6, 7). 

Attention to display is well worth the writer’s time, be- 
cause a report characterized by good appearance has a better 
chance of being read than one hurriedly thrown together. 
White spaces should be generous. ‘They relieve the eye and 
serve to call attention to significant divisions in the contents 
of the report. ‘The writer must determine whether single 
spacing or double spacing best serves his purpose. Double 
spacing is easier to read, but when the report contains many 
tabulations and illustrations (charts, etc.), single spacing 
keeps the explanatory matter on the same page as the material 
it elucidates. The margin at the bottom should be slightly 
larger than the margin at the top, to keep the page from 
looking topheavy. The left margin should always be gen- 
erous, especially when marginal headings are used and when 
the report is opened like a book. Even when the staples are, 
after the legal fashion, at the top, the left margin should be 
wider than the right. 

1. The title page-—The title page contains the statement 
of the subject in full, the persons, or company to whom the 
report is directed, the writer of the report, the date on which 
it is submitted. As employed in manuscript form, the title 
page appears as follows: 


Report Upon 
Effective Opening Paragraphs 
In 
Adjustment Letters 


Made For 
English eB6—Business Writing 


By 
Stuart M. Stanley 
April 20, 1925 


2. The letter of transmittal—rThe letter of transmittal 
appears on the sheet following the title page. In government 
reports it is a brief formal note from the writer to the official 
to whom the report is submitted. It contains an identification 
of the report. 


BUSINESS REPORTS 449 


U. §. Department of Agriculture, 
Office of the Librarian, 
Washington, D. C., 
September 9, 1922. 
Sir: 
I have the honor to submit the executive report of the library for the 
fiscal year ended June 30, 1922. 
Respectfully yours, 
CLARIBEL R. BARNETT, 
Librarian. 
Hon. Henry C. Wallace, 
Secretary of Agriculture. 


Trade reports are preceded, as a rule, by a statement of 
authorization. 


The Allen Shoe Company, 
215 West 58 Street, 
New York, N. Y. 


Gentlemen: 

On February 12, the writer was requested to collect all the informa- 
tion he could on “Increasing the Efficiency of the Purchasing Depart- 
ment of the Allen Shoe Company.” 

The material of this report was gathered from Hamilton’s ‘“Introduc- 
tion to Shoe Store Management”’ and from personal observation in the 
store of Allen & Company and in three large shoe-trade centers. 

The writer believes this report will be of service to you in reorganizing 
your purchasing department. 

The undersigned will be glad to discuss the report with you in a per- 
sonal interview. 


Respectfully yours, 
Oxtca GAZARIAN, 


Dear Sir: 


The following report on the progress and improvement in daily written 
assignments for Business English eB6 was prepared at your request as 
the assignment for April 7, 1925. 


The report is based on the letters written by me from February 13, 
1925, to March 20, 1925, inclusive. 


Sincerely yours, 
Ear.te M. Cass. 


450 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


3. The table of contents—The table of contents follows — 


the letter of transmittal. Its purpose is to give the reader a 
comprchensive idea of the headings followed in the develop- 
ment of the report. ‘The value of display is obvious in the 
arrangement of the main headings and subheadings of the 
outline on page 436. The main headings appear flush with 
the left margin. ‘The subheadings are indented so that the 
offset helps the reader to visualize the logical relation of 
headings in true perspective. Such display helps the reader 
to concentrate on the main divisions. 

4. The synopsis—The synopsis goes by various names, 
such as ‘‘Introduction,” ‘Summary,’ “Abstract,” “History.” 
Whatever its name, it brings to a close the work of introducing 
the text of the report. 

The synopsis is prepared after the text has been com- 
pleted. It begins on the sheet following the table of contents, 
or, if this is short, on the same sheet immediately below the 
table of contents. In long reports it may extend to more than 
one page. Because it states the essence of the report, the 
synopsis should be kept as short as the length of the report 
permits. 

5. The text—The text contains the report proper. It 
develops the headings stated in the table of contents. 

Display is important in aiding the reader to find his way 
comfortably. Connections are not established by means of 
phrasing so much as by headings in the margin or, in printed 
reports, between paragraphs. Long paragraphs are unin- 
viting, especially when the material is as substantial as it 
should be in a reliable report. 

Some reports give a running marginal comment, after 
the manner familiar to students of Coleridge’s ‘Ancient 
Mariner.” 

6. The appendix.—The appendix is a supplement con- 
taining tables, diagrams, charts, maps, computations, bibli- 
ographies, etc. The headings in the appendix are indicated 
by capital letters. When tabulations are extensive, and, there- 
fore. cannot conveniently be placed in the text, they should 
appear in the appendix. 

7. The index—vThe index is never required with letter 
reports. If the table of contents of a short report has been 
carefully constructed, an index is not needed. Long reports, 


i i _ — 


BUSINESS REPORTS 451 


however, demand an index of all important ideas and thoughts 
in the text. The index is not prepared until the final typed 
copy is complete. In case the report is printed, the index is 
prepared from the final page proof. As the index of a report 
is exactly like that of a book, consult the index of this book 
for the layout of the index. In an elaborate report, cross 
reference may be desirable. 


Exercises in Preparing and Writing Reports. 


1, Submit a letter report of not more than two typed 
pages on one of the following problems, or on a similar ap- 
proved problem. Address the report to your instructor. 

(a) The tobacco used by an acquaintance (within or with- 
out the college) in the course of a week.—Consider the 
amount, brands, kinds (pipe, cigar, cigarette), times of day, 
reason for smoking, etc. 

(b) The system of final examinations used in one of the 
colleges of your university——Consider the number, length, 
distribution, supervision, method of submitting questions (on 
blackboard, printed, mimeographed, dictated), grading, value 
of the examination in making up the term grade, reporting, etc. 

(c) The menus at the college commons, club, or fraternity 
house during one week. 

(d) The daily schedule—lecture, recitation, study, and 
recreation—of a student over a period of one week. 

(e) The provisions for making study efficient in your 
home, dormitory, club, or fraternity house.—Consider fur- 
niture, lighting, quiet periods, reference books, etc. 

(f) The method in vogue at the college library (or de- 
partmental library) of allowing reserved books to be drawn 
by the student for use outside the reading room.—Consider 
method of control, time, penalties, number of available copies 
of a stated book in relation to the size of the class, difficulty 
experienced in procuring books for home use, etc. 

2. Prepare the complete apparatus for a questionnaire to 
elicit information from students on expenditures during the 
freshman year. 

(1) Consider the usefulness of the following suggestions: 
(a) The total amount of money spent during the freshman 
year. (b) How the money was provided. (c) Was it budg- 


452 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


eted? (d) How? (e) In how many ways did the budget 
budge? (f) How the money was actually spent. (g) Rela- 
tion between expenditures for tuition, books, and other routine 
educational items. (fh) Living expenses: room, meals, laun- 
dry, etc. (7) Recreation. (7) Books other than textbooks: 
fiction, poetry, drama, etc. (k) Pictures and other objects of 
art. (/) Athletics. (m) Theater. (n) Movies.—Add 
topics as you see the need. 

(2) List the topics you intend to use. 

(3) Formulate questions that can be definitely answered. 
Arrange these questions in the most effective order, leaving 
spaces for answers. : 

(4) Write the letter arousing interest and stimulating 
action. 

(5) Submit the completed questionnaire to the instructor. 

3. Interpret a group of statistics. In addition to the ex- 
planatory text, your report should contain graphs, charts, or 
other visualizing devices that aid the reader in understanding 
the tabulated statistics. 

(a) The season’s football scores of three college or uni- 
versity teams. 

(b) The final or mid-term grades (whichever grades are 
posted at the time of your investigation) in the courses of 
one department: mathematics, English, history, etc. 

(c) Interpret statistics you can find in reference manuals 
or in reports of police departments, fire and life insurance 
companies, banks, and in government, state, and municipal 
reports. Do not use statistics that are interpreted in the 
source.—If you find your problem in one of the foregoing, or 
similar, sources, include in your report a complete and accu- 
rate memorandum of the sources. 

4. Prepare a report on one of the following subjects. In 
accordance with the type of subject chosen, the investigation 
may be conducted wholly in the library, by correspondence 
and interviews, or by a combination of these methods. The 
scope of many of the following subjects needs to be defined 
before the investigation is begun. The length of the report 
varies with the extent of the problem. In all cases, however, 
the standard reauirements of the examination report should 
be observed, 





BUSINESS REPORTS 453 


(a) After the subject has been approved, submit a weekly 
report for the information of the instructor. This report 
records the work you have done each week in preparation for 
writing the report. It is a record report. 

(b) Every fortnight, in place of this record report, sub- 
mit a progress report, comparing the status of your investi- 
gation at the close of the fortnightly period with the status 
at the close of the previous fortnightly period. 

(1) A study of the reports used in planning a new high- 
way, those used in the course of its construction, and those 
used upon its completion; a bridge; a railroad station; a 
viaduct; a vehicular tunnel; a ferry slip; a coal trestle; a canal; 
public waterworks; heating plant in a large department store; 
electrification of a steam railroad, etc. 

(2) The system of municipal reports in force in your (or 
some other) city. 

(3) The annual reports of the 
bank) during the past — years. 

(4) The structure of mining reports as revealed by an 
analysis of the reports of the company since 19—. 

(5) Reports of the Rockefeller Foundation since 19—. 

(6) The reports of the United States Department of 
Agriculture during 1925. 

(7) The structure of engineering reports as revealed by 
an analysis of the reports of (a firm or construction 
company). 

(8) How a large department store handles letter in- 
quiries. 

(9) The comparative merits of letter-duplicating ma- 
chines now on the market. 

(10) The comparative merits of two well-known systems 
of shorthand. | 

(11) Available books on business letters. 

(12) The comparative merits of the two latest reliable 
books on banking or some phase of banking; marketing or 
some phase of marketing; or credits and collections; account- 
ing; advertising, etc. 

(13) Available books on the psychology of advertising, 
selling, etc. 

(14) Filing methods used by the 

(15) How sales records are kept. 





company (or 











company. 


454 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


(16) How the Advertising Agency plans a na- 
tional advertising campaign for a certain product. 

(17) Magazines devoted to the welfare and promotion 
of business. 

(18) The space devoted to business news in a certain daily 
newspaper. ? 

(19) The duties of an office manager; or a trained busi- 
ness correspondent; or a private secretary to an executive or 
manager; or the general business correspondent. 

(20) Supervision of correspondence in business houses. 

(21) Modern mechanical aids in the bookkeeping de- 
partment. 

(22) Manuals issued by large corporations for the use 
of stenographers, typists, and correspondents. 

(23) Style sheets issued by publishers of newspapers or 
magazines or books. 

(24) A study of the kinds of headlines used in newspaper 
advertisements, or magazine advertisements. 

(25) The kinds of products advertised on billboards. 

(26) The use of illustrations on the sales letter sheet. 

(27) The value of printed inclosures in responses to 
letters of inquiry. 

(28) An analysis of solicited letters of application; or 
unsolicited letters of application. 

(29) An analysis of adjustment letters; or responses to 
inquiries; or responses to order letters; or follow-up letters; 
or collection letters. 

(30) A study of effective opening paragraphs in adjust- 
ment letters, sales letters, or any other type of letter. 

(31) A study of effective closing paragraphs in adjust- 
ment letters, or any other type of letter. 

(32) A study of the layout of effective sales letters. 

(33) What the newspapers in a certain city are doing to 
prevent fraudulent advertising in their columns. 

(34) What the committee of the Associated Advertising 
Clubs of the World did last year to enforce the slogan, ‘“Truth 
in Advertising.” 

(35) ‘The amount of text used in street-car, elevated, 
subway, and bus advertisements. 

(36) The kind and extent of advertising used by banks. 

(37) The cost of the business letter. 





BUSINESS REPORTS 455 


(38) Students in Teachers College are probably making 
surveys in the public schools, the material to be used in one 
of their courses in the Teachers College. The material can 
be written up in the form of a report for the class in business 
writing. The investigation, however, must be in progress at 
the time reports are studied in the business course. ‘The same 
holds true of students in engineering, mining, business, etc. 
The subject should in each case be approved by the instructor 
in business writing. 

N.B.—The foregoing list of subjects can be indefinitely 
extended. The subjects involving the study of business letters 
demand not less than twenty-five letters, on which to base the 
investigation. These can usually be collected from business 
men and from friends. 

5. (a) Devise an outline for the weekly record report to 
be used in reporting your work on the subject chosen for the 
examination report. (b) Plan an effective layout for your 
approved outline. (c) Devise an outline and a layout for your 
fortnightly progress report. Use the following ideas, and 
others that suggest themselves to you, as a basis for the 
exercise. 

New leads. Extension of bibliography. Significant 
points uncovered. Additions to tentative outline. Changes 
in tentative outline. Statement of problem. Value of col- 
lected material. 

Time spent. Number of cards. Obstacles and hindrances. 
Units (pamphlets, letters, reports, books) covered. - Work 
planned. Work done. Results. Proposals. Units that 
yielded no results. Units that yielded results. Methods em- 
ployed. Descriptive matter. Explanatory comment. Increase 
in number of cards. Rate of increase in relation to past work, 
in relation to total to be accomplished. Correlation of data. 

Planned to do. Succeeded in doing. Hope to do. 

If you have used letters of inquiry, or questionnaires, or 
both, attach copies to the report for the week during which 
you sent them. Copies of responses to your inquiries and 
questionnaires should also be attached to the report for the 
week during which they were received. 

6. Submit a report on the work you have done to date 
on your examination report. Devise an effective layout with 
appropriate headings. State your subject as accurately as you 


456 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


can at this stage of your investigation. Observe the rules of 
grammar and the principles of rhetoric. Your instructor is 
your employer. He desires a report that gives him a picture 
of your efforts to date. Suggestive headings: material avail- 
able, collected; methods; time; obstacles, in method or 
material, etc. 

7. Submit a record report based on an analysis of the 
letters you have written to date in the course in business 
writing. Organize the letters in chronological order. Make 
a tabulation chart to show the kind of faults checked in each 
letter. State the percentage of each kind of error you dis- 
cover. Let the text of the report be an explanation of this 
chart. Follow all the headings of the layout except the 
index. 

8. Analyze the following report. To what type does it 
belong? Make headings for the main divisions; for the sub- 
divisions. Organize these into a table of contents. (See 
page 436). 

Reparagraph the report, giving a specific reason in each 
case. 

Improve the sentences, after you have tested the report 
for the incorporation of the seven qualities of business writing. 


Report of Mr. H. M. Giddy on Trip to Wilton, Jana 30 to 
February 3, 1925. 


Pittsfield, Mass., February 6, 1925. 


The object of my going to Wilton at this time was to make an 
inspection of the watershed of the Yengeese River and its tributaries 
above Wilton for the purpose of locating any factories which might 
allow refuse to enter the streams above the point of our proposed intake, 
which refuse would have a deleterious influence on the quality of the 
water. Remembering our experience at Wertoun where the water 
from the Mercer River, which was apparently free from pollution and 
an ideal source of supply, developed a strong odor and taste due to the 
presence of creosote some time after the plant was built, it was decided, 
before again building a filter plant to use water from another stream, 
that it would be well to have this investigation made so that we would 
have a knowledge of the watershed and possible sources of pollution 
on it. The information to be had in Wilton was not sufficient to 
enlighten us as to just what might be on the shed and it was necessary 
actually to go over a large part of it, visiting all the towns of any 
size above Wiltoz, to see if factories existed. 


. 
‘ 
j 





BUSINESS REPORTS 457 


The first town of any size is Yengeese which is situated in Parson 
County, Massachusetts, being about two miles south of the state line. 
Starting at Yengeese I drove over a circle of about 35 or 40 miles 
covering practically all the towns and tributaries in the Yengeese 
Basin. ‘The towns visited were Ellsworth, Anders Settlement, Violet 
Lake, Raymond, Silver, Newfield, Udysseus, West Binger, and Hick- 
man. Udysseus is a town of 600 or 700 people, Yengeese has a popula- 
tion of about 400. ‘The other towns are all less than 100. 

The shed above Yengeese is very clean, the communities being strictly 
farming towns and having no industries, with the exception of a cheese 
factory, in any of the towns. ‘There is considerable wood on the 
watershed which will, in all probability, be used as chemical wood, but 
it is not present in sufficient quantity in any one locality to pay for the 
erection of a chemical plant and the hauls to the plants now existing, 
are so short that I do not believe that any more plants will be built on 
the Yengeese Shed. These mills have cleaned out the woods except in 
small patches here and there and their cleaning out is so thorough that 
it would take years for other trees to grow, which would pay for addi- 
tional plants to treat the woods. 

There are now a number of plants South and West of the 
Yengeese Shed, all of which drain into other streams, the nearest of 
these being the large plant at Walton and another at Coneville. [ 
believe Walton drains into the shed of the Merrimac and Coneville into 
the Moose. In any event they do not drain into the Yengeese. 

‘There is a plant at Yengeese, the present capacity of which is 
twenty cords per day. ‘This is a new plant, having been built last 
summer and put into operation about two months ago. I learned 
from the foreman that it is their intention to increase the capacity to 
thirty cords next summer. ‘This is the only serious source of pollution 
on the entire shed. I learned at the plant that notice had been served 
by the Fish Commission of Massachusetts warning them against pol- 
luting the streams so that fish could not live and they have apparently 
taken as much care as they can to prevent any of their waste products 
going into the stream. ‘The lime sludge is dried and carried away and 
not flushed out as is the case at many of the plants in Kean County. 
All the tar is burned. The alcohol water which is really the worst 
factor of all is drained into a swamp located about 500 yards from the 
Yengeese River. A sample of water taken from Yengeese River at a 
point below this swamp had a faint odor of creosote in the cold sample 
and when it was heated it had a very decided odor, showing that the 
pollution is getting into the stream from this swamp. I also learned 
that the wells in the vicinity of Yengeese have become contaminated 
and complaint is being made about the creosote taste in the well water. 
Another sample was taken from the Yengeese at a point opposite our 
proposed intake. “This sample was entirely free from odor and taste 


458 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 


when cold and it developed a very faint odor when heated. The 
fact that this plant was so recently put into operation and in all prob- 
ability all the creosote which finds its way into the river has percolated 
through the ground from the swamp to the river and not run in direct, 
makes me afraid that the trouble will increase rather than decrease 
and that even this comparatively small plant might put enough creosote 
into the water to give it a faint odor and that with certain climatic 
conditions the odor and taste would become very noticeable. 

‘The determinations of the oxidizable material in these two samples 
of water show the presence of much less creosote or odor-producing 
material than I had anticipated. At the time the trouble was had at 
Warren two years ago, one of the most characteristic tests was the 
oxygen consumed, which was found to be almost directly proportional 


to the odor and taste in the samples analyzed. ‘The reagents used for 


making the tests on the Yengeese River water were old and the results 
are chiefly of benefit in that they show the trouble causing the con- 
stituents to be present in a relatively small quantity and that they also 
show a marked reduction in the amount present at Wilton as com- 
pared with that at Yengeese, this reduction being about 25% in the 
ten or eleven miles of flow between the two points at which the samples 
were taken. 

No tests were made of the well water but I found, in the receiving 
well, great flocks of iron which had precipitated from the water. It 
seems, at this time, that it will be a practical proposition to use a 
combination of river water and well water and possibly secure a sufh- 
cient dilution of the river water to reduce the creosote trouble so that 
it will not be noticed. On the other hand the iron which is present 
in the well water could be utilized as a coagulant, the iron itself being 
entirely removed and a great reduction being made in the hardness of 
the water. [his would be following out the same plan which we have 
partially tried out and expect to operate on a large scale in Granite 
City. 

Judging from the appearance of the water and the absence of any 
odor I believe the iron is present almost entirely in the form of a 
carbonate and not of a sulphide. ‘This makes it easier to handle. It 
is hard to predict just what influence the waste from the chemical 
plant will have but from the conditions as noted at this time I am 
somewhat afraid of it in case we should decide to use river water 
exclusively. 

I spent a couple of days in Wilton becoming acquainted with the 
plant and going over general conditions with Mr. Walker but the 
most benefit derived was the information which I gained. ‘The other 


conditions have been so recently gone into by other representatives of 


this office that it is not necessary for me to make any other suggestions 
or comments. 


| 


BUSINESS REPORTS 459 © 


N.B. With the exception of changes in names, this report is repro- 
duced as it was handed to the executive. Although this report is obvi- 
ously below the average by every test the student can apply, many 
such reports are written every day. ‘The need of care is obvious. This 
report is not attractive to the eye, neither is it easy to read. The 
substantial contents deserve a better dress. “The report would be easier 
to read if the complete layout were used. ‘The sentences are not so 
much sentences as heaps of ideas. 


g. The following chart is taken from a student report. 
Study it as an example of visualization. Does it give a com- 
plete picture of the student’s work during the first half of 
the semester? 


Report on Progress and Improvement in Daily Assignments in Business 
English eB6 


Dr. Babenroth 
CHART SHOWING STATUS OF EACH LETTER 


Errors MAbDE 


Sy 
GE Se a: Oe 

MS ese eal ms BIB ge 

oO 4S) — o & o o ~ aa; i = 3 
BU NSE 00 i ne a 
eee hat hy O Se) RA Pe Se aE iS i 
1 C ne 1 1 1 1 1 5 
Z c 1 1 1 1 1 =) 
3 C— 1 1 1 2 1 8 
4 G 1 1 1 3 
5 C 1 2 ds 1 4 
6 C 1 1 2 
js Lis Agr 1 2 3 
8 B— 1 1 1 3 
9 B— 1 1 1 3 
10 B— Z 1 1 1 5 
11 c 1 3 i 5 
12 B 2 2 
13 A— 1 Aye 1 
14 B an ig aie 1 he aie 1 Pye 2 
Total 8 He 5 5 2 13 6 5 51 
Per Cent £535 13.8 Df, 9.7 3.9 25.6 LL 9.7. 100 


EARLE M. CURRIE 
APRIL 7, 1925 
ro. Study the following letter and questionnaire to deter- 


mine whether the letter is persuasive and the questionnaire 
effective. Be specific. 


460 MODERN BUSINESS ENGLISH 
Dear Mr. Billings: 


Last year you wrote us for information about Maine, and we were 
very glad of the opportunity to serve you. 


We want to know just how efficient our service is. 


If you will answer the questions below and mail in the enclosed 
envelope we will appreciate it very much. Your answer will help us 
determine our policy for future work. Any criticisms or suggestions 
for the improvement of our service, or that of hotels where you stayed 
or towns or resorts visited, which you may be pleased to offer, will 
be welcome. 


No publicity, which will in any way mention your name, will be 
given to your replies. 


Yours very truly, 
STATE OF Marne Pusticiry BuREAU, 


(Signed ) Harrie B. Cor, General Secretary. 


Did ‘you ‘visit; Maine in. 1924?) oo. nas ee ee steer : 
What means of transportation was used? ....... cs bir erere nena 
How many people were in your party? . 2%... .\.02). 9 se 
How long did your party stay in Maine? .... 2... 2.4 pee 
Did'you'stay ata Hotel? 2... Public’ Camps! ein FarmGr ose 
Camp ‘or Cottage?) 6. 0 30. oe a Cas aes oe bite ete een 
If so; which ome? oic.2 05 ces asec hwiale » esee eieletele & aie 
Did you stay at a Motor Camp? ...... If so, which one? 
Approximately how much money did 

your party spend while in Maine? ............ ole le, do eRe nanee 
Did you purchase property while in Maine? ............ ade 
Are you interested in purchasing or build- 

ing: ‘a permanent summer home in Maine? ....... 020 ¢n eee 
What caused you to _ consider 


MAINE tor your 1924 vacation? .)...... 0. « «ss» +s cee 
If it was our advertising, where did you see it? ........ Ma 
Where do you plan to spend your vacation in 1925? ............00+- 
Please use the reverse side of this sheet for any general,comment you 


are pleased to give us. 


BIBLIOGRAPHY 


A SHORT LIST OF BOOKS AND MAGAZINES FOR REFERENCE AND 
FURTHER STUDY 


LANGUAGE FOR MEN oF ArFairs. Business Writing, Vol. 2, 
edited by J. M. Lee. Ronald Press Company. New York. 

_ THE LITERATURE OF BusINEss. Revised Edition, edited by 
Saunders and Creek. Harpers. New York. 

EFFECTIVE COLLECTION LETTERS. Tregoe and Whyte. 
Prentice-Hall, Inc. New York. 

HANDBOOK OF BUSINESS CORRESPONDENCE. S. Roland Hall. 
McGraw-Hill. New York. 

THE PREPARATION OF ReEporTs. Ray Palmer Baker. 
Ronald Press. 

Note-TAkinc. S.S. Seward, Jr. Allyn and Bacon. 

ADVANCED ENGLISH GRAMMAR. Kittredge and Farley. Ginn 
and Company. New York. 

Worps AND THEIR Ways IN ENGLISH SPEECH. Greenough 
and Kittredge. The Macmillan Company. New York. 
ENGLISH SYNONYMS, ANTONYMS, AND PREPOSITIONS. J. C. 

Fernald. Funk and Wagnalls. New York. 
ENGLISH SYNONYMS EXPLAINED. Crabb. E. P. Dutton & 
Co. New York. 
RoGet’s THESAURUS OF ENGLISH WorRDS AND PHRASES. 
Longmans, Green and Company. New York. 
THE DEsk STANDARD DicTIONARY. Funk and Wagnalls. 
PRINTERS’ INK. Weekly, monthly. The Printers’ Ink Pub- 
lishing Company. \ 
SysTEM. Monthly. A. W. Shaw and Company. \ 
“THE ADVERTISING FORTNIGHTLY. t 
THe Maripac. The Mailbag Publishing Company. Cleve- 
land. ? 





INDEX 


A 


Abbreviations, 89, 135-137, 139 

Abstractions, 112, 180 

Action, stimulating, 32, 41, 184, 190, 
192, 222, 265 

Adaptation to the reader, 3, 10, 14, 16, 
20-23, 28, 33, 37, 40, 59, 134, 150, 
170, 171, 188, 218ff., 224, 238, 249, 
2ypweoe, 319, 340, 345, 357, 373; 
376, 390, 401, 438 

Address, inside, 135 

Adjectives, weak, 54, 55, 
(10) 

Adjustment letters, 13, 33, 117, 120, 
149, 298, 360 (6), 371-398, 401 
Alternative offers, in sales letters, 188, 

226 
And, weak, 35, 73, 104, 326, 338 (5) 
Anecdotes, use of, 161 
Anybody, anyone, with verb, 78, 79 
Appeals, in sales letters, 29-31, 222, 
22Z0ese; 251; 215 
Application, letters of, 399-425, 
kinds of, 399 iu 
use of “I,” 402 
facts and opinions, 403 
Attention, attracting, 31, 152, 156, 176, 
193, 254, 256, 264, 266, 407 


166.) 333 


B 


Bankers, letter to, 218, 226 

Beginning, of letter, 17-18, 31, 41, 43, 
65, 100 (11), 156 

Bibliography, 461 

Block style, in letters, 131, 132, 138 

Botha. ...0and, 76 

Britannica, sales letters, 49, 50, 186, 
218-220 


Cc 


Campaign follow-up, 219, 262 

Capitalization, 87-89, 94, 140 

Character, 33, 58, 64, 109, 110, 122, 
123, 124, 342, 343, 400, 404 

Cheerfulness, 43, 64, 116-120, 122, 126, 
Beleezoe, 295, 299, 300, 316, 318, 
Seuyesesy ass 7) 390, 354, 357, 371, 
373, 401, 440 


463 


Children, letters to, 238, 239 

Claim letters, 371, 372 

Claims, soliciting, 381, 382 

Class appeal, 20-22, 150, 218-252, 264, 
305 (3), 330 (7) 

Coherence, 74-81, 100-102, 189, 192 

Collection letters, 10, 11, 13, 22, 149, 
337-370, 429, 430, 446 

Colorless expressions, 8, 9, 54, 180 

Comma blunder, 73, 99, 307 (2) 

Committee, with verb, 78, 81 

Compactness, 6, 14, 51-57, 104-108, 
121, 156, 175, 190, 211, 289, 290, 
294, 333 (10), 344, 355, 388 (j), 
389 (m), 402 

Company, with verb, 78 

Comparison, false, 76, 77, 103 

Complimentary close, 132, 139, 
189, 229 

Composite class, appeal to, 233 

Concreteness, 111-115, 122, 164ff., 204, 
349, 350, 439 

Concrete words, 8, 9, 52, 61, 111, 114, 
122, 123, 168ff., 179, 180, 181, 191 

Connectives, use of, 35, 38 

Consideration, of the reader, 17, 19- 
23, 28, 43, 64, 118, 121, 124, 142, 
O00 408) $43. 9318) 496.013 aon) 
341, 373, 438 

Construction, of letter, 17-19, 23-44, 
121, 189, 204, 367 (9). See Plan 

Contact, establishing, 156, 159, 266, 
410. See Attention 

Continuous follow-up, 253 

Conviction, 17, 23, 24, 27, 32, 64, 120- 
122, 154, 168ff., 204, 221, 224, 253, 
265, 300, 341, 406, 409 

Codrdination, false, 75 (c) 

Corethought, of letter, 23, 28, 29, 32, 


144, 


AR ADL SO 1239) 4s a57 278 
CIEE yooagaie (815-445 hia) az 
408 


Correctness, 53, 57, 108, 121, 275 (II), 
357, 367 (9), 405, 414 

Cost of letters, 152 

Couplets, wordy use of, 53, 60 

Courtesy, 119, 120, 142, 294, 295, 390, 
326,) $4357:350,° 37150373, 460. 

Credit letters, 120, 149, 298, 313-327 

Criticism, model of, 43, 48, 191, 192, 
389 


464 
D 


Data, correct use of, 67, 171 

Dealers, appeals to, 229-232 

Deductive order, 36 

Description in sales letters, 163, 164, 
167, 168, 195 (4), 196, 206 

Desire, awakening, 29-31, 154, 162ff., 
168, 191, 192, 264 

Details, vivid, 111 

Direct-by-mail selling, 152, 153, 166, 
206,°207, 212, 262, 263 

Display, of letter, 130 

of report, 436, 447 
Due to, correct use of, 431 


E 
Emotions, appeal to, 112, 113, 121, 
164ff., 168, 231, 242, 282. See 


Short-circuit 
Emphasis, principle of, 51, 52, 172 
by position, 54, 224, 298, 442 
by punctuation, 85 
Ending of letter, 140, 184-190, 198 
Envelope, 134 
Essential qualities of letters, 17-124 
Evidence in sales letters, 170, 180, 
202. (15) 
Examination reports, 433 
Executives, sales letters to, 226, 227, 
ie | 


F 


Facts to convince, 170-174, 224, 231 

Farmers, letters to, 224-226, 250 

Flabby sentence, 52, 55, 308 (10) 
clause, 56 


phrase, 53 
Figures of speech, 111, 113, 114, 166, 
167 


Florid expressions, 404 

Folding, letter sheet, 143 

Follow-up letters, 253-287, 412 

Force, in language, 51-54, 98 (8), 140, 
326, 327, 374, 442 

Foreign words, 222 

Form letters, 288, 298, 299, 345, 
358 

Functions of the sales letter, 155, 190, 
198 (14), 212, 264 


346, 


G 


Gerund, correct use, 79, 352 (2) 

Good will, 10, 11, 254, 288, 303, 313, 
318, 320, 322, 330, 338, 344, 371, 
378 

Guarantees, 32, 180, 222 


INDEX 


H 


Hackneyed expressions, 2, 8, 63, 64, 
65, 98 (9), 110, 157, 181, 190, 288, 
289, 292, 320, 342, 343, 388 (j), 
389, 407, 411 

Heading of letter, 134 

Hope, use of, 140, 246, 255, 326, 327, 
332 (11), 354, 35383750410 

Humor, 119, 161, 188, 205, 206, 207, 
209 (7), 295, 355-357, 366 (5), 
372, 397 (12) 

Hyphenation, 91-93, 108 


I 


Illiterate letters, 58, 72 

Imagination, 6-10, 13, 15, 16, 19, 112- 
114, 117, 166, 168, 177,°22i9 222 

Inclosures, 12, 13, 143, 151, 163, 175, 
178ff., 181-184, 187, 189, 196, 205, 
220, 224, 229, 248, 263, 265, 302, 
380, 381 (4), 387 (h), 409, 437, 
446, 460 

Indenting, paragraphs, 132, 138 

Individual, finding the, 21, 150, 340, 
341 

Individuality, expressing, 
123-126, 288, 292, 342 

Inside address, 135, 144 

Insincere phrases, 302, 326, 335 (15), 
343, 363, 375, 402-404 

Inquiry, letters of, 153, 245 (7), 249, 
253, 264, 288-291, 317, 329 (4) 

Instincts, 160, 161, 165, 167, 169, 187, 
197,. 221," 230,029 aegae 

Interest, as quality in writing, 11-13, 
17, 32, 120, 154, 162, 177, 253, 265, 
288, 299, 406, 438 

Invitation letters, 212, 255, 268-269 

Irrelevant expressions, 53 


109, 110, 


J 


Jefferson, Thomas, 123 
Johnson, Samuel, 122, 125, 126 


L 


Layout of letter, 130 

Length of letters, 56, 132, 150, 182, 
183, 223, 224, 228, 229, 232, 263, 
264, 377, 386 (g), 412, 418 

Letterheads, 134, 224, 226 

Lincoln, Abraham, 121, 122 


M 


Mailing list, 187, 216, 255, 257, 263 
Make-up, of letter, 5, 57, 130, 223, 229, 
232, 274, 358, 411 


INDEX 


Memories, appeal to. See Sentiment 
Material, organizing, 23-29, 31, 39, 40 
' Model letters, 357 

Modifiers, misplaced, 74, 100, 101 
Most, for almost, 66 


N 


Negative elements, 117, 118, 119, 126, 
157, 158, 173, 256, 316, 334 (13), 
339, 373, 374, 382 (1), 408 

News items in sales letters, 159 

None, 79 

Not only ... but also, use of, 76, 405 

Numbers, use of, 90, 91 


O 


Omission of words, 76, 77, 103 (14) 

Only, use of, 74 

Open punctuation, 132, 135 

Openings of sales letters, 156ff., 256 

Order letters, 149, 297-298 
responses to, 298-304 

Outline of business report, 436 


P 


Paget, E. M., 228 

Paragraph length, 35, 37, 43, 48, 50, 
156, 200 (4), 202, 211, 213, 365, 
392, 397 (b) 

Paragraph outline, 42, 43, 47, 48, 49 

Paragraph structure, 35, 36, 176, 223, 
341 

Paragraph, wordy, 52 

Parallel structure, 75, 76, 103 (15) 

Participial ending, 32, 140, 287, 306 
1} 6807002))) 311 (2);: 321,332 
(11), 367 (8), 388 (j), 390, 411, 
415 


Participial opening, 407 

Participle, dangling, 75, 100-102, 367 
(9) 

Periodic reports, 427 

Personal collection letters, 348 

Persuasion, 12, 13, 29, 61, 153, 157, 
299, 302, 319, 320, 323, 406, 408, 
442 

Pioneer work in sales letters, 153, 154 

Plan of ‘letter, 17-44, 155, 189, 262, 
264, 322, 324, 325, 328, 334 (14), 
406 

Pleonasm, 55 

Predication, reduce, 54 

Prevision, 18, 19, 32 

Price, stressing, 170, 172, 173, 192, 208, 
221, 223, 229, 244, 262, 263 

Product, know your, 23 

Professionals, letters to, 231-233 

Progress reports, 429 


465 


Pronouns, 80-82, 102, 103 
Prospect, know your, 19-23 
Protective phrases, 340 
Psychology, 20, 155, 176, 178, 184 
Punctuation, 82-87, 203, 405 
parenthetic modifiers, 83 
series, 83 
limiting and explanatory modifiers, 
84 


Q 
Questionnaire, 274, 381 (4), 444 


R 


Reason Why Appeal, 30, 32, 172, 173, 
223, 241 

Recommendation, letters of, 409, 410 

Record reports, 427 

References, use of, 161, 163, 173, 175, 
176, 197, 218, 224 

Repetition, wordy, 53, 55 

for emphasis, 200, 253, 

(IIT) 

Reports, business, 11-13, 426-460 

Revision, 18, 19, 32, 51, 435 


266, 278 


S 


Sales letters, 19ff., 149-287 

Salesmen, letters to, 227-229 

Salesperson, use of, 255 (2) 

Sales talk, in order letters, 299 

in collection letters, 356 

Salutation, form of, 137, 144 (2), 389 

Same, misused, 53, 65, 98 (9), 306 (1) 

Samples in sales letters, 32, 178, 246 
(c), 250, 294 

Second sheets, 138 

Selling point of view, 149, 152 

Senses, appeals to, 111, 114, 115, 164ff., 
176-177 

Sentence correctness, 72-74 

Sentence length, 33, 43, 200 (5), 214, 
234, 235, 236, 239 

Sentence structure, 33, 34 

Sentence variety, 34, 35, 43, 110 

Sentiment, appeal to, 13, 30, 114, 115, 
167 , 

Service, business, 10, 11, 116, 117, 120, 
149293; 299, 3500, 303, 304) 321; 
327, 335 (16), 338, 340, 342, 369 
(S}.9372)/378..379 

Shall, use of, 71, 97 

Short-circuit appeal, 30, 166ff., 221, 241 

Signature, 140, 145 (4), 152, 278 

Slang, 62 

Slogans, 53 

Solicited applications, 399 

Specific words, 8, 25ff., 111, 112, 159, 
167, 168, 179, 183, 186, 326 


466 


Spelling, 58, 91-93, 94, 405 

Spencer Heaters, 266 

Spenser, Edmund, 112, 150, 151 

Stationery, 134, 223, 226, 232, 238, 239, 
O72) na74 27s 

Statistics, how used, 170ff. See Tabu- 


lations 

Stereotyped expressions. See Hack- 
neyed 

Style, in writing, 11-13, 18, 109, 121, 
357, 404 


Suggestive words, 13, 164, 167, 188 
Surplusage, 52 
Syllabication, 92, 93 


T 


Tabulation, use of, 164, 170, 171, 176, 
182, 205, 258, 270, 272, 299, 410, 
431, 432, 439, 459 

Talking point in sales letters, 6, 27, 28, 
31, 162 

Tautology, 55, 65, 333 (9) 

Tense, of verb, 79 

Testimonials, 32, 197, 272 

Tests, use of, in letters, 178-180 

There is, weak opening, 54 

Time element in follow-up series, 256 

Time order, development by, 35, 36 

Titles, correct use of, 90, 135, 137, 
142, 144 (2) 

Tone, quality of style, 12, 33, 34, 37, 
50y -TL9SC12557 026) 150 51Gee ae, 
190, 205-212, 218, 224, 226, 228, 
229, 232, 234-240, 250, 252, 254, 
256): 265,', 273, 6289; 816) 325, 43) 
349, 374, 379, 390, 391, 405, 411, 
419, 423 

Tortured English, 53 

Trial use, in letters, 176-178, 222 


U 


Unity, principle of, 72-74, 99, 100 
Unsolicited application, 399 


INDEX 


Urge, in sales letters, 187ff., 192, 198 
(13), 207, 243, 265 
Usage, good, 61, 130 


4s 


Vague expressions, 53, 111, 112, 158, 
162, 179, 183, 190, 248, 326, 332 
(11), 341, 375, 395 (10), 408 

Variety, for interest, 253, 256, 266, 
278 (III) 

Verbs, agreement with subject, 77-80 

direct action, 54 

exercises, 97, 98 

forceful, 55, 166 

look, taste, etc., 80 

subjunctive, 79 

tense of, 79 | 
unnecessary, 54 . 

Visualizing the reader, 19, 21, 118, 
221, 234, 325, 339, 390, 401 

Vocabulary, 59, 110 


WwW 


Wear-out follow-up, 255 
Which, use of, 56, 81 , 
Who, whoever, use of, 77, 80 (a), 
(b), 81 
Will, use of, 56, 71, 97, 327, 332 (109 
405, 411 ; 
Women, letters to, 134, 151, 187, 218, 
221-224, 231, 249, 271 
Words, precise, 60, 111 
abbreviated, 65 
foreign, 63 
good usage, 61 
misused, 66-72 
obsolete, 63 
slang, 62 
suggestive, 61, 112, 114, 115 
Wordy sentences, 52, 55, 304 (1), 406 


bs 


“You” attitude, 20, 32, 118, 162, 193, 
207, 308 (10), 318, 339, 341, 342, 
402 








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